May 23, 2006


By Stacy

SUCKIT, KATHERINE!!!! Let's go, let's go....

Ok, I like that song, but...but. She's totally doing that one to try and compete with Taylor.

Love the shiny Taylor shoes. He owns the crowd...every week he owns that crowd like no one else.

Great, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" again? Do they have enough sponges for the stage after that?

Taylor's "Levon"....I have never liked this song...but when he sings it I seriously get chills. Good choice to remind everyone he's not just a party singer, he's a SINGER.

Anyone get the feeling the judges comments are completely scripted. Grump.

Katherine's first single - That was really jaw-droppingly bad. Really.

Oh yeah, Taylor shoots, he scores.

Permalink · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

May 11, 2006

Daughtry's New Band

By Stacy

Rumor has it that Chris Daughtry will receive an on-air invitation to front a "famous" band on the tv show EXTRA tonight.

(May 11, 11:00AM ET) -- Chris Daughtry will get an offer tonight to front a famous band. It will unfold on the television show 'EXTRA.'

Members of the band will appear on the 'EXTRA' set to make the offer.

Any guesses?

Permalink · Comments (6) · TrackBack (0)

May 10, 2006

Shiver-free, even

By Stacy

Soooo, last night's performances...

Taylor was excellent, as always. Notice that no other performer excites the audience like he does? No spontaneous cheering when they're performing.

Chris was...dull. There remains no emotion in his performances. At least with the sunglasses we couldn't see his deer-in-the-headlights eyes.

Eliot was good enough, I think, to survive one more week. I like his voice, because it does not sound like every other voice out there *cough*Chris, but he's somewhat lacking in...presence, I guess.

Katherine has just really caused me to completely lose interest. As lovely as she is, and as excellent a voice as she has...that girl needs serious performance help. She doesn't so much "emote" during her ballads, as spooge all over the stage, and I, for one, am weary of it.

All in all it was a no-goosebump night, so the elim should be interesting. has Taylor in the lead, and either Chris or Katherine going home tonight. I pick Katherine.

Permalink · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

April 07, 2006

Having the Gays

By Stacy

An odd little piece from TMZ on Mandisa's booting:

(April 6, 5:20PM ET) -- America's shocking decision to vote Mandisa off 'American Idol' Wednesday night was not a shock at all to those backstage. Sources connected with 'Idol' tell TMZ the buzz behind the scenes last night was Mandisa getting the boot had nothing to do with her performance -- it was all about her openly anti-gay affiliations.

According to TMZ sources, lots of Hollywood types were backstage, including agents, PR flacks, managers and special guests. And the sentiment was clear; as one person put it, "Once you don't have the gays - forget about it."

Well, we don't know about that, but we do adore the statement "once you don't have the gays - forget about it" so much that we're putting it on a tshirt.

Continue reading "Having the Gays"

Permalink · Comments (12)

April 05, 2006

Fanning the flames....

By Stacy

Well, it seems some got their widdle feewings hurt over our opinion of Sucky Bucky, and to that we say, TOO BAD. He can't sing, people!

We have since unearthed Bucky's other job in showbiz:


Permalink · Comments (5) · TrackBack (0)

March 25, 2006

Bucky Covington Exposed!!

By Stacy

Watching vintage Muppet Show eps with the kids tonight, I was floored to discover Mister Bucky Covington (yours truly's pick for the Failinator...because he CAN'T SING, that's why!), has had a job in show business before...


Yep, that folk music slinging Muppet, Jerry (of Lobbuck Lou and his Jughuggers), was played by none other than our least favorite Idol. Just remember, you heard it here first!

Permalink · Comments (19)

March 23, 2006

AI Linkage

By Stacy

Boy, Little League really eats into the free time. Just to update you, we <3 Mandisa and Taylor, fully expect Chris to win. We despise Kelly (faker), Lisa (boring), and Ace (physically revolting at this point). The rest are just meh. Good job, America, on dumping the lisper, btw.

Gossip rag TMZ has all the Idol links you need or want on a weekly basis:

  • Taylor performing with his band. Can't wait to see this guy in concert.
  • Yet another rumor that Taylor will be dyeing his hair.
  • Pickler's dad speaks.
  • Covais' ex-gf blah blah blah.

And for those of you as horrified as I was to see that freak Maroulis in the audience Tuesday night, apparently he's parted ways with his pre-"fame" band. I'm sorry, you just can't pay me to give a shit.

And finally, gossip that The Abdul came thisclose to losing her job recently. Seriously, people, half the fun of watching this bizarre freakfest is to see what kind of idiocy pours out of her drunk/stoned mouth each week. The rumor mill had producers considering Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears to replace her. If true, that certainly indicates the policy of having judges with no actual singing ability would be strictly adhered to...

Permalink · Comments (3) · TrackBack (0)

February 23, 2006

Eliminations - Week #1

By Stacy

Oh yeah, elimination predictions...

Girls - Becky and Stevie

Boys - Gedeon and Bobby

Permalink · TrackBack (0)

AI Gossip

By Stacy

Some hilarious AI gossip nibbles here. My favorite:

Kellie Pickler started out very nice, but the lowdown is that she's getting downright arrogant. Pickler told the chef, "You're lucky to be cooking for me." In fact, Pickler is so taken with herself that she belts out tunes in the hotel elevator.

Permalink · TrackBack (0)

February 22, 2006

Boy's Night #1

By Stacy

Patrick - Dude, Melissa Etheridge called...she says you got no right sounding more like a girl than she does. Bleh.

David - Oh honey, SO the wrong choice. The husband and I are *still* over-enunciating the word "jellyfish" at each other, two hours later.

Bucky - What in the name of frigid hell is this stoner greaseball doing here? Did I miss something really freaking impressive in Hollywood week? Unpossible.

Will - Damn, this kid OWNED this song, the room, everything. The Peter Brady hair must GO, but fantastic performance.

Jose/Sway - Ugh, ugh and UGH. Thank you, Simon, for saying the word "pimp-y". That was just nasty and made me feel like I needed a shower. No, NOT a cold one.

Chris - This was a very good choice for him, showcased his raspy vocals. The performance was kind of wooden to me though, was he just petrified?

Kevin - Gads, I hate this song, this type of weepy music, but the kid definitely has talent, he didn't miss a note.

Gedeon - Never liked him, not from day one. Certainly not talented enough to be in the finals.

Elliot - Fine, fine vocal, yes, but please hurry him along to the rounds when the stylists will be available...because that scrub on his face has to GO.

Bobby - Oh. My. Gods. You know, Gramma's dead....she ain't going to notice if you do NOT slaughter Copacabana, thereby torpedoing your singing career before it even leaves drydock.

Ace - He lost some shine for me. There's no doubt he can sing, and this was a good choice, but I think it was overacted a great deal. It makes me snicker that he IS what Constantine *thinks* he is. Har.

Taylor - The judges all claim they want originality, well, they've got it in truckloads with Taylor. He's so very natural that everything he sings he makes his own, and it's so good that you can't remember what the original even sounded like. Officially updating my Successinator to Taylor.

Permalink · Comments (1) · TrackBack (0)

February 21, 2006

Girls Night #1

By Stacy

Ok, seriously late, but here goes...

Mandisa - I like her a lot, and applaud the song choice, but the entire performance was just sharp. She's going to have to do better.

Kelly - Tired of her already. And her voice is like one key on a piano being hammered over and over by a six year old. No depth.

Becky - I'm sorry but she's never going to be anything but a Maxim girl. I did absolutely cherish her look of dismay when Simon said, "the bod's a 10 but that ain't good enough here." She was completely bewildered..."why don't my tits work? Are these things even on???"

Ayla - This girl should be illegal...tall, gorgeous, athletic, and with a fantastic singing voice. I like her, but she's not really exciting.

Paris - Other than the tragic accessorizing, very good. She ain't Gladys, but then Gladys ain't even Gladys anymore. Someone needs to warn her of the dangers of tube tops during energetic performances, however.

Stevie - Hate, hate, hate everything about this girl. So much so that I'm officially changing my Failinator pick to her from the Freak McPhee. Bad performance, and even worse judge-suck-up-ing afterwards.

Brenna - If there is any justice in the world, this little chip-on-her-shoulder-havin' hoor will forget how to speak English and demand to be exported to Venezuela.

Heather - Decent enough singing job, if a bit wooden, and very bad song choice. Girlfriend needs to lay off the shoulder reps though before the Steelers attempt to sign her.

Melissa - She's the Jessica Sierra of this season: decent voice, instantly forgettable, will go much further than you think she ought.

Lisa - Fan-freaking-tastic, as always. Her breath control is simply astounding for someone her age. Unless she barfs up an actual lung she is going to be in the final two.

Kinnik - I spent her entire performance worried that she would accidentally swallow Seacrest. Elegant, yes, but much in the same way a well-funded tranny can be elegant. Never should have been chosen for this round.

Katharine - I had her in my Failinator until tonight. Tonight she took a song dear to my heart and p3ned it, so she gets a reprieve. At least until she does something else ickysticky that makes me want to shower with vodka and a sandblaster.

Bring on the boys! I've been declared an Ace-Licker, and sit ready to be proven completely wrong.

Permalink · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

February 16, 2006


By Stacy

Does anyone besides me want to lick Ace?

Permalink · Comments (6) · TrackBack (0)

January 25, 2006

Popular = Target

By Stacy

Ooohh, I just have to sink my teeth into this horseshit... It seems that several *coff* activist groups have their panties in a bunch over how some of shall we put this...less talented members of their constituency are coming off in Idol competition.

Exhibit A:

Last week's season premiere of the talent search drew the ire of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, after both Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson made remarks that the activist group characterized as offensive.

They're referring specfically, boys and girls, to several of the contestants from Denver who appeared to be neither (boy nor girl), such as our friend Zachary, and others whose extremely forgettable performances have led me to, er, forget them.

All I have to say is if the Jimmy Choo knockoff fits, you should definitely elbow the yeasty bitch from the next trailer park over right in her beer gut and wear it, sista!

Not to be outdone, Exhibit B:

Niger Innis, national spokesman for the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE), told that the group was concerned about Idol's treatment of people of color.

"American Idol is part of an entertainment culture that often makes blacks look like a bunch of clowns," Innis said.

Nooo, honey, that'd be your actual people of color who are acting like clowns. See "Ronetta", et al.

And last but not least, Exhibit C:

Meanwhile, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) is upset over Cowell's persistant jabs at overweight contestants.

"I have mixed feelings about American Idol," Peggy Howell, NAAFA'S public-relations chairperson, told "We saw how far Ruben Studdard has gone because of the show. However, Simon Cowell continues to make rude remarks about overweight and obese contestants."

Reality check, Peggy... Ruben Studdard has a VOICE, ergo success! I agree that fat jokes are fairly low-rent (and have even commented as such already this season), but we've never thought Senor Simon to be the sharpest tool in the shed. (He's just an average tool.) So, that'd be one big-headed Limey with the issue, not the show, eh, you bandwagoning cow?

A note to all of the above: LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP! Or, y'know, change the channel. What are you, a bunch of cripples?

Permalink · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

January 20, 2006

Idol Bonus

By Stacy

For those of us who eschewed Idol until the middle of season 3, syndication is right around the corner...

IN WHAT IS LIKELY THE shortest window ever for a first-run network TV hit, "American Idol" is already going into syndication. The first season of the show, dubbed "American Idol Rewind," has already been cleared on Tribune and Sinclair stations covering 55 percent of U.S. TV homes and nine of the top 10 markets.


Permalink · TrackBack (0)

January 19, 2006

The Felon Dance

By Stacy

It was inevitable. Some of the bright shining pure-at-heart youngsters currently trying to fulfill their lifelong dreams of becoming popular music stars...are instead the usual assortment of freaks, losers and wannabe felons.

Terrell and Derrell (the twins I LIKED, dammit) are accused of using another man's ID to buy a truck in Georgia.

Terrell Brittenum, 28, has been in jail since Jan. 10 on an outstanding warrant for charges related to the illegal purchase of a car in Rockdale County, Ga., east of Atlanta.

He and his brother, Derrell, are accused of using another man's identity to buy a 2005 Dodge Magnum in June.

Derrell was expected to turn himself in on the same charges of forgery, theft by deception and financial identity fraud, The Commercial Appeal newspaper reported.

Nice one, guys. Well done.

Permalink · Comments (5) · TrackBack (0)

January 18, 2006

Day Two Too

By Stacy

UPDATED TO ADD - Wah somewhere else, you putzes.

The more auditions we see, the more I think drugs should be required for the judges.


Ok, I got chills when this Lisa Tucker sang. Is that normal? Beautiful voice.


Ace Young.... Ok, he looks good but I hate that sensitive boyband shite. Trying to milk the Constantine appeal? Whatever the hell *that* was...


About to be evicted but has a huge group of people who can buy custom shirts to promote your ass? Try paying your rent, asshole.


I pull for Chris Daughtrey all the way. Young guy marries a chick with two kids, becomes the dad, loves his wife? Rock on, my brotha. Lose the facial hair though, buddy.


Damn, Simon just metaphorically farted in paula's face. To be honest, though, I heard that song on the grocery store music system the other day, dropped my peas and ran like hell.


Man, "The Way You Look Tonight" is my favorite song and this nerd is slaughtering it. Get him, Simon. The Hang Em High music is a nice post-production touch.


Garrett Johnson may have a fine voice but he's going to implode in front of an actual audience. I don't think it's really doing him a favor sending him on to Hollywood. Nice bit of uncharacteristic humanity from the two blood sucking music producers though.


Oops...I was so transfixed by the entepreteneur and the coaster inventor that I forgot to type. Did anyone else think the boy in the yellow plaid looked just like a less-lucky Kevin Federline?


And "It's Oh So Quiet" is too a song, dammit. Bjork roolz!!

--- it possible to be a natural born drag queen? This boy/girl/thing is a walking parody. And good to see its mother-unit is not at all the enabling type.


Ah SUCKED. Here's hoping North Carolina sucks somewhat less. Thought that'd be a frigging first.

Permalink · Comments (14)

Ungrateful much?

By Stacy

Ok, I know the contracts the Idol winners sign are weighted rather heavily in favor of the Idol producers, and why the hell not, they're ones spending the dinero to foot this whole circus. So, I completely agree with Cowell (I know, big shocker) when he notes that Kelly Clarkson is taking a big old shit on who put her where she is when she refused to allow any Idol contestants to perform her songs this season. Some might say it's a smart move, don't dilute the product. But look at what Bo did for Gavin DeGraw last season... I'm just sayin.

Permalink · Comments (4) · TrackBack (0)

January 17, 2006

Let's get it on!

By Stacy

Ok, only 1 1/2 hours late but here we go...

Er, American Idol has become a tradition on a par with losing your cherry on prom night?? I *weep* for the future.


Semi-high? That guy is semi-high. Oh yeah, the paper napkin was a classy touch.


The Humpty Dance?? Moran.


Gina Glockman will make it to the final 12. /prediction


Ooh, totally doing this Alicia Keys better than the original. But Simon, dude, the fat jokes...please, man, that's *so* low-rent.


This little short guy singing The Band is going to make a great drag club living...


I don't think Charles is quite getting the nature of Simon's drag queen suggestion...


Simon is really on the fucking rag this season. At least Paula is off the drugs. I think.

"Mad Cowell" *snerk*


Bless his heart, this Deputy Sheriff drove all the way from W. Virginia to suck that bad. Impressive.


Someone just push Derek into traffic, please.


When will they learn gimmicks do. not. work.


Dude, that second song Derek did is from the movie Trading Places. Bahaha!!


Oooh, I dig Zachary's voice. The crooners always get me.


Crystal, oh Crystal. Please die.

Simon is so damned mean. But still, that's like a small country's worth of eyeliner.


Yes, singing in Farsi is going to get you on this show. Yep.


Does a pole-dancing gig count towards a performer's visa?


Ok, why even bother with this if they're going to let freaks like Crazy Dave through.


Oooo, so looking forward to tomorrow night... *snore*

Permalink · Comments (2) · TrackBack (0)

May 25, 2005

Finale Prediction.

By Stacy

Bo. Period.

Permalink · Comments (2)

May 18, 2005

Pentultimate Elimination Prediction

By Stacy

Bo rocked the hizzie, Davis is slavering to cash in on that cow. Vonzell is toast because the Carrie/Bo final was written in the stars.

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Permalink · Comments (2)

May 11, 2005

Elimination 5.11.05

By Stacy

So. The plain truth is that teenaged girls are more proactive about preserving their fantasy-objects than are teenaged boys. (Besides, when you're a teenaged boy, isn't pretty much anything at all a potential fantasy object? Girls, cars, kitchen faucets...) And teenaged girls have telephones surgically implanted around their thirteenth birthday, do they not?

Taking into consideration all of the above, Vonzelle is toast tonight. Sorry, hon, the pasty immigrant definitely deserves it more, but you were going down anyway, if not this week, then next. The final two will be Bo and Carrie, just so the producers can milk that whole "she's a little bit country, he's a little bit rock-n-roll" thing.

Ew. Even though I like both of them, I think I just threw up a little.

Permalink · Comments (4)

May 10, 2005

Short N Sweet

By Stacy

Just to give you somewhere besides Michele's post to yam yer yammerings...

Carrie - Suits her voice, but Xst what an asstastic song. Perfect example of why I despise most country music.

Bo - "Laconic" would be a kind description. Tritt's range is similar to his, so a good choice, pitch-wise, but just too laid back to be inspiring.

Vonzell - Jeez louise, you know, controlling your crap onstage is part of the deal, sweetie.

Anthony - I can't frigging listen to this faux-crooner bullshit anymore, and I'm rapidly getting to the point where I can't stand to watch him moue at the bloody camera anymore either. Grr.

Carrie - The arranger is partly to blame, yes...they tried to country-fy it for her, I think, even though she's proven herself more than capable of singing other than country freaking music.

Bo - Oh, the hotness. Growly voice, fiiine sunglasses, SANDALS with a frigging suit...I bow in utter respect. Very, very nicely done. And dig how long the audience applauded.

Vonzell - I love that song more than 99% of the other songs that exist...and she didn't suck. You could tell some of the fire was missing though. Hope we eventually get the story on that.

Anthony - Creep. Go away.

Permalink · Comments (1)

May 04, 2005

5.4.05 Elimination Prediction

By Stacy

Well, after last week, I have no frigging idea. Not that I'm sad to see Constance go, but c'mon, his popularity was undeniable, and he was a hella better performer than Senor Ham Legs.

Anyway, let's give it a shot. Assuming they're only picking a bottom TWO tonight, I say it's the Pasty Immigrant and the Vonz, with the Vonz going home. (Because Simon said she would, that's why, and he's frigging UNCANNY.)

If Bo somehow gets voted off, I shall personally hunt down every one of you fuckers* and make you scream.

A lot.

*Interesting how your site doesn't resolve anymore...that's what happens when you piss off people who have more money than you have. Ta!

Permalink · Comments (19)

April 27, 2005

4.27.05 Elimination

By Stacy

If they're doing a bottom three tonight (as opposed to a bottom two), then it's going to be Anthony, Scott and (most unjustly) Vonzell.

Yes, it's too much to hope that Constantine's abysmal and laughable performance last night will land him in the bottom three. In the immortal words of Julian Grendel, "I've gotta ship 2 million copies, so that teenage girls will have a cd cover they can get wet over. Who cares if he can't sing?!"

Oh yeah, Anthony gets the boot.

Permalink · Comments (7)

April 26, 2005

King Simon

By Stacy

I haven't disagreed with the man since I began watching the show. Not. Once.

Carrie - Xst, this reminds me of songs I'd hear when my friends dragged me to country dives to line dance. (Yes, I was drunk, why you ask? It was the early 90s, STFU.) Still, she's gorgeous, a natural performer and has a voice of pure power...when she bothers to use it.

Bo - Rocked the FUCK out of that place, is what he did. I've been loving this song on the radio now for months, and he kicked it downtown. Another natural performer, Bo completely pwn3d the room tonight.

Vonzell - Beautiful girl + typical whingy Ackalacka* song = meh

Anthony - This song, this whingy, tenor, teeth-grinding song right here has made me change my Failinator pick from Connie to Anty. The only thing that could make me despise him more is if he were eight inches shorter.

Constantine - Hahaha! Sucka, you BLEW. IT. If there is any justice in the world AT ALL, you'll be in the bottom group tomorrow. It'll sure be nice to see that smirk wiped off your butt-chin.

Scott - Dude, were you trying to "bottom" Connie's performance? Because you sure as shit did. As Robyn pointed out in the comments on Michele's post, don't go whinging that your Dad said you'd never make it, then try to pull this sentimental bullshit out of your Big & Tall's, 'cause we ain't buying, hoodrat.

* Yes, I know it's Aguilera, I just don't give a crap.

Permalink · Comments (2)

April 20, 2005


By Stacy

(shutup, titles are hard)

Yeah, I watched it last night... Constantine makes me hurl, still frigging hate he can sing. Carrie, that is the dumbest fucking song ever, and you simply must avail yourself of the stylist, or not, whatever you're currently doing is WRONG. Scott didn't suck if you had your eyes closed. Federov is rapidly approaching Scott levels of suckitude. Vonzell was SMOKIN'! Anwar could easily be fed to Alsatians and I'd never miss him. Bo has taken to singing the same thing over and over (would it have killed you to reel out some KC & the Sunshine Band, dammit?!), still freaking HOT though.

Bottom three I WANT to see tonight: Scott, Federov, Anwar

Actual bottom three: Anwar, Vonzell (because you voters are teh SUCK), Scott

Teh losar: Anwar

Permalink · Comments (13)

April 13, 2005

Elimination Prediction Time Again

By Stacy

Wow, so much suckitude, only three to choose for the ass-end...

Nadia, sorry, honey, the Force is no longer with you.

Anwar, likewise, you've completely lost whatever you had.

The third call is a bit harder. I'd LOVE for it to be the Weepy ImmigrantTM, but I'm afraid it's going to be the delightful Vonzell. She's got a voice that surely makes Whitney Houston weep in frustrated jealousy, but she just doesn't have that much spark, if you grasp my meaning. She has a sweet face, and a sweet personality, and that's not going to be good enough to see her through, I think.

Bottom 3 - Nadia, Anwar, Vonzell
Going Home - Nadia

The mere fact that the Freakish Savol isn't going to be in this bottom three, despite his arrogant posturing last night, is giving me the dry heaves, even as I type this. Talk amongst yourselves.

Permalink · Comments (5)

April 12, 2005

Oh, OK...

By Stacy

Had to catch that one on TIVO again, dammit...

Nadia - As my husband said, "Damn, she's got ALL the legs!" Yes, she does, dear...but not all the fine musical taste. Mac Davis? Come ON!! </Albert Brooks>

Bo - Xst, I hate this song. Like any song by Skynyrd is going to be vocally challenging. It wasn't fantastic, but if the remaining members of Skynyrd have a brain in their collective, beer-sodden heads, they'd hire this boy and go out on tour. Y'know, in a bus.

Anwar - Look here, girly man, you need to sack up and SING if you expect to stay in this thing.

Anthony - I'm sorry, the reedy tenor has become intolerable. I've taken to fast forwarding as soon as he opens his mouth.

Vonzell - Beautiful girl, beautiful voice. I'd love Bo to show us he can win, but I think this Miss is going to give him a run. (The teetering around stage on super high heels was a bit distracting, however.)

Scott - The low notes were out of his range, something someone should have pointed out to him in frigging rehearsals. And, I could tolerate him when he was humble...but this "I'm braver than millions who stayed home" bullshit ain't going to win any votes. Tanya, add "stupid" to the "fat and ugly" litany, wouldja.

Carrie - Eh, forgotten words or not, it was a bad condensation of the song from the get-go. Whoever does these should be spoken sternly to. She can hit the notes, and it's good to see a little change from all the twanging, but it's definitely not her strength.

Constantine - Mother. Of. Gods. Paula's comment that Constantine is now the one to beat is baffling, at best. The very best commentary on this *cough* performance came in the comment section of Michele's post during the show:

No. NO! Constantine's killing Freddy Mercury all over again.


Bohemian Rhapsody, sung in the key of Hell, by Constantine Maroulis.

Congratulations to Kathleen on her trenchant and oh-so-timely observations.

On the judges...

Randy simply cannot wait for the applause to die down before yelling his 'hood platitudes at the contestants, and isn't that a real treat.

Paula's drug habit seriously needs to get under control. Sure, she looks fabulous, but she's freaking INSANE!

Simon, honey, you're known as a pop music pioneer and you're ignorant of the influence of Southern Rock? Get. Out. No, really.

How I wish a new crop of judges were brought in every year along with the contestants. These three...they chafe something awful.

Permalink · Comments (7)

April 06, 2005

Who's Teh Losar?

By Stacy

I'd like it to be the freakish Scott, but I'm terribly afraid that he has a stealth contingent of hoodrat wannabes out there who are going to keep his increasingly-slipshod ass in this much longer than he deserves.

Federov is my next choice. His vocal quality just isn't up to the caliber of the others, though I have to admit it is MIGHTY entertaining to see how petulantly angry he seems to get when enduring Simon's criticism.

Oh, and a note to Seacrest, who seems to be getting more than a bit impatient with Simon's increasingly raw (and accurate) assessments: Who do you think is more easily replaced, boy? The guy with the 20 year career in pop music development or the guy with the shitty t-shirt collection and the There's Something About Mary-esque hairstyle?

Permalink · Comments (6)

March 30, 2005

Suckit Central

By Stacy

Well, this week definitely sucked the big one. The poor quality of performances, combined with the mind-boggling inanity of the Google-powered commentary around here lately, made it completely unworth live-blogging last night. So, straight to the elimination prediction...

Federov is toast.

Don't get me wrong, Scotty the FREAK definitely sucked. As did Anwar, Jessica and Nikko, but I think Anthony has finally mediocred us for the last time.

Michele was right last night, btw, Vonzell was the only one that gave me goosebumps.

UPDATE - Buh bye, No Neck!!

Permalink · Comments (8)

March 24, 2005

Elimination Prediction

By Stacy

Mikalah is history. Nuff said.

**Post show update**

That was as graceful a "lose" as I've ever seen. Well done, girl. And Maybelline, Revlon, L'Oreal...sign this girl to a contract before she starts to wrinkle. She may crack plaster with her voice but she's absolutely gorgeous, don't let her go to waste.

Bye, bye, Bawbawa!

**Update The Second**

Thanks to the usual array of fucknuts for once again sucking the life and joy out of everything. Comments closed on this post. Assholes.

Permalink · Comments (10)

March 23, 2005

ReDo Night

By Stacy

Well, this should be a little slice of hell...

Oh, they're going to replay last night's performances, that's much better than making them re-perform. Aaand there's absolutely no need to live blog it. 'Night all!

Uh, did that sign just say "Scotty the Body"?? Someone...hold me.

Permalink · Comments (8)

March 22, 2005


By Stacy

What shall the theme be tonight...

Man, Seacrest needs some damned pants that fit. He looks like a hobo.

Theme - Billboard #1's. *yawn*

Anthony (I Knew You Were Waiting, George Michael) - Oh no... Well, at least it isn't a ballad. Kind of a bad sign when you blow the fourth note, eh son. Awful. Simon is going to shred him.

Paula and Randy are HIGH, that's the only explanation.

Carrie (Alone, Heart) - Woo...doing Heart, show me!! Oh damn, I don't care how it sounds now, she looks (and sounds) like Ru Paul! Someone needs to help her with that terrified look.

I see it's Tout My Previous Successes Night for Randy and Paula. We do all remember she couldn't sing worth a damn, right? Damn, Simon, talk about laying on the pressure. Mean man.

Scott (Against All Odds, Phil Collins) - Ok, that was good. That's a hard song, and he did a very good job.

Bo (Time in Bottle, Jim Croce) - Time in a Bottle, eh. I *really* hate that song. However. I think this guy is the SMARTEST of the lot. He had to know everyone was going to go a bit faster tempo this week, after being harped on about it. So he does something that makes him stand out. Nice work.

Nikko (Incomplete, Sisqo) - You make me laugh, son. You should have gone with something with a bit more...class.

Vonzell (Best of My Love, The Emotions) - I like this song, but eh, whatever. She's just too sweet looking, I think. They do need to STOP with the culottes, though. Seriously.

Constantine (I Think I Love You, David Cassidy) - My five year old daughter says, "He doesn't have the talent". Indeed, honey.

Nadia (Time after Time, Cyndi Lauper) - Oh, nice choice. Bad start, thought. Good job with the hair...and VERY good job ramping up the chorus like that. Nice!

Mikalah (Love Will Lead You Back, Taylor Dane) - I now officially hate her. Hated Taylor Dane, when she was recording, too. Bleh, BLEH.

Anwar (Ain't Nobody, Chaka Khan) - Jeebus, this song sucks. And he now sounds female. That's really not a good thing. See? He sounds just like the backup singers.

Yay, No-Neck is next.

Jessica (Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler) - This will either be a triumph for her or embarrassing as hell. Ok, was that a massive line blowage? Randy is squicking me with his fawning. I'm sorry, she blew a line there, dammit.

Well, not as bad a show as Michele seems to think, but not exactly exciting either.

Permalink · Comments (13)

March 16, 2005

Sixties Week Elimination Prediction

By Stacy

This is a toughie...again I'm going to have to go with who I want to go and taking a stab at who probably will go.

Should Go:

Nikko and Lindsey

Will Go:

Vonzell and Scott

I'd give good money to know how much the mass of voters is swayed by the judges opinions. If they are, then my Will Go picks are right out the window.

UPDATE - Shit, does only one get booted tonight? Damn, I'm out of the groove here. If so, then the picks are Lindsey for "Should Go" and Scott for "Will Go".

Permalink · Comments (5)

March 15, 2005

Sixties Week

By Stacy

I love the theme nights, LOVE THEM.

Jessica - I enjoyed this performance. Dammit. She has a good contralto, but the underbite is killing me.

Anwar - Oh, man. I really don't think Night #1 of the final 12 performances is the time to croon, d'you? Here's where watching previous seasons might have paid off for this year's contestants.

Mikalah - The fun has officially worn off. It wasn't a bad performance but she squicks me now. Freaky.

Constantine - I am disappointed how much I'm enjoying his performance. Don't fuck up and make me like you, Constantine.

Lindsey - That's a man, baybee! Ack. Honey, there's a difference between "contralto" and "testosterone supplements". Might want to figure out the difference before hair starts growing on your nuts.

Anthony - No, no, no, no. It'll fly with the teenyboppers who need a CD cover to get wet with, but that's about it. *yawn*

Ok, as sucky as that was, Randy is one grumpy mofo tonight.

Nadia - Holy crap, I love this song. And the timbre of her voice, I got goosebumps. She is smokin'!

Can someone please make Simon stop snorting ninety-seven lines of coke before the show? Please?

Bo - Holy mother of gods. Saved all the good crap for last, I see. Love this song (though the Three Dog Night version is better than the B, S & H version), and he looks like a Rock God up there. Go Bo!!

Vonzell - I'm sorry, sweetie, you do not belong at this level, cute though you are.

Scott - Well, the Ebonics are reduced this week, so that's something to be grateful for. Eh, blah performance though. Too bad.

Carrie - Bored. And who scared the shit out of her before the performance?

Nikko - You actually grab your crotch and I will send a box of Madagascar hissing cockroaches to your dressing room. Twice. And PULL UP YOUR FREAKING PANTS. Get off my stage.

Well, that was disappointing. If it weren't for Bo and Nadia I'd be calling in an airstrike on Hollywood as we speak.

Permalink · Comments (14)

March 14, 2005

Mario Update

By Stacy

The Drudge Report (take with usual tablespoon of salt) is hinting this morning that Senor Vasquez quit the competition because he didn't want to be tied to AI's notoriously restrictive contract. Rumors on what the contract contains from this fan board (so take with the usual carton of salt):

All of the contestants have been under a general contract. The top ten have the sign a new and updated contracted that has more restrictions and goes into detail how much the IDOL people have control and how much money they will get. Apparently it is a five year contract and the producers get 35-50% of your earnings. They also have control over your look and image. All top 12 people were given a copy of the contract and it had to be signed before Tuesdays performance. The two that get voted out will not be held to the contract terms -- only the top ten.

If this is why he left, then it might actually have been a smart move...IF he can avoid being blacklisted for not "playing the game". And I have a feeling that's a big IF. Simon looks like a vindictive bastard, doesn't he?

As to the "famiy issues" excuse, apparently his mom has no idea what "family issues" they might be having:

But Vazquez's mom, Ada, said she knew of no problem involving the family and had not idea why he left the show.

Good riddance, I say, I won't have to look at that awful nose, or his freakish collection of hats, anymore.

Permalink · Comments (31)

March 09, 2005


By Stacy

Faith has the right idea...note who you want to be eliminated separately from who you think will be eliminated.

Want: Jessica, Amanda, Janay and Lindsey. What? I can want four gone if I want. Nyah.

Think: Janay and Lindsey

Want: Constantine and Scott. See earlier post re: Constantine and grinder mishap. And I used to be a Scott fan, but with the little physical image change he's undergone, he has also begun to inexplicably speak Ebonics, and that's just irritating.

Think: Travis and Scott

Whatever transpires tonight, I am HELLA glad we'll be down to the final twelve and we can dispense with playtime. The theme nights are my favorite, hope they have something better than fricking Manilow night lined up this year.

Permalink · Comments (9)

March 08, 2005

Howler Monkey Night

By Stacy

Yeah, I'm more than a little sick of the girls this year...

Amanda - My hatred for you increases weekly. My dream scenario at this point is a you/Constantine sandwich coinciding with a horrific industrial grinder accident.

Janay - Finally someone told her to take out the hell-yellow contacts and we see her real eye color. If she'd done that from the beginning she might have made it further. Sad performance though, I think her confidence is shot at this point.

Carrie - Wow, someone who can belt Bonnie Raitt stooping to this wussy stuff? Good thing your boobs are all glittery.

Vonzell - Sweet, and fun. For once I agree with crack-whore Paula.

Nadia - Thank the gods this version is more reminiscent of Three Dog Night than Otis Redding. I love this girl, she's probably supplanting Mikalah in my favor this evening. *coff*

Lindsey - Aerosmith. How owdinawy. </Lili von Schtup> Niiiice Seacrest slam. I <3 Simon. Again.

Mikalah - OMG, I just figured out who she reminds me of when she speaks...the hoor Steve Martin picks up in The Man With Two Brains, the one who sings "Duke of Oil (Earl)" in the most awful Brooklyn accent. Ugh. Tonight's performance, however, does not suck. At least the majority of it isn't coming through her nose.

Jessica - A fat face, no neck, a lisp AND an underbite. I cannot stand looking at this girl. That said, this song doesn't suck...oh, but the riffing does. Ugh, go. Now.

Permalink · Comments (3)

March 07, 2005


By Stacy

Scott, that song is soooo old. You couldn't have done a worse thing for your image, my fren.


I know it's a wedding song, I know it's sappy and saccharine, but I still love it. And, I just paused the TIVO replay and voted for Bo like ten times. *hangs head*


Finally nailed what it is that bugs me about Federov...there's no power in his voice. Sounds like an adolescent with perfect pitch, yelling at the top of his lungs. Bleh. The Wiggles, bahahahaha!!! I <3 Simon.


Nikko you don't have enough pain in your life to pull off this song. Send me that hat immediately and I'll change my mind.


You complete bastards. I *just* quit drinking Coke. I've been clean for months now...and you go and put lime in it. Bastards.


Here's the thing, Travis...Bobby Brown is a wife-beating, drug-doing skeevebag, and, either because of that or not, every speck of his music both sucked and blowed. I would like to personally thank you for doing this song though, since it ensures your ass gets booted right the hell off the show. /official prediction


Aaand Mario desecrates one of my favorites with his little tenor voice. He is now officially dead to me. Anyone else think he sounded like a girl on this song? Gah.


Constantine might have pulled off this song were it not for his overwhelming smarminess. I do believe he is singing down to us, people. (only being a tiny bit sarcastic) Paula seriously needs to lay off the crack, his best performance ever?? Not. Simon is the only sane person on that freaking set.


Well, I would complain that Anwar is doing a song that's too old, but that arrangement was fantastic. I wonder how much input he is getting into them...

Permalink · Comments (9)

March 02, 2005

Validation, Baby!

By Stacy

Two for four, not bad at all. Now me and my ear infection are going to watch Power Tool Drag Racing. In the words of fellow Idol Tonguer, Broken:

If we have to deal with a teeny Janay loving voting block this season, I'm going to puke.

Amen, brother.

Permalink · Comments (2)

Round Two Elimination Predictions

By Stacy

Since I did such a bangup job predicting last week...don't expect much better this week. Kindly note my choices tend to be more on the side of "hopes" instead of actual predictions.

Boys - Joseph and Constantine

Joseph looks like he could conceivably murder kittens for fun, and Constantine just gets more irritating as time passes. He's not pretty, can barely sing, certainly not street, just booooring.

Girls - Celene and Janay

Said it all in the review of last night's performances. Celene is there because she doesn't need 20lbs stripped off her ass and Janay needs some seasoning.

And thank whatever producer gods decided to make tonight's show a half hour instead of an hour. Perhaps they're realizing just how ridiculous the false-drama really is. *snerk* Yeah, I don't really believe that either.

Permalink · Comments (2)

Girls Schmirls, Part 2

By Stacy

Yeah, I'm late....had to TIVO the thing then watch it between bouts of soul-wracking coughing, sue me.

Aloha: There are no words for how much this chick bores me. Please, can she go away this week?

Lindsey: I am so tired of these long lingerie-looking tops. Whoever is giving these girls style advice needs to be tarred and feathered.

Jessica: I'm sorry, but chubby-faced blondes are as big an irritant to me as short men. Plus, her front teeth are amazingly protuberant. I know, that sort of thing could be fixed, but would I be talking about it if her performance had impressed me at all. "Best female vocal performance thusfar"? Simon needs to quit thinking with his johnson.

Mikalah: WTF is this song anyway. And could she please stop singing through her nose? I love this girl, she has great personality, but someone please stop the madness.

Celene: Go. Away. I totally agree with...whoever said it...if this girl were not marginally cute she never would have made it this far.

Nadia: Damn, how disappointing. This chick has more rocker cred than all the guys put together to me, I'd like to see her back in ripped jeans stomping a hole in the stage. Talk about someone who can handle a Janis Joplin song...

Amanda: She has pipes, to be sure, but that was just not exciting at all. Another unfortunate wardrobe choice, and dear, there comes a time in our lives, no matter how skinny we are, when a bra is simply a necessity. It's icky to see Simon drooling over her.

Janay: I liked this song very much, having never heard it elsewhere, but she simply has to get over the wide-eyed crap. It's not endearing in the least, if it's an affectation, that is, and not real terror.

Carrie: Bless her heart, I liked this, it was well done technically, but just not exciting or moving like the Bonnie Raitt stuff.

Vonzelle: I love this girl, she is gorgeous to look at...but she needs help with song choices.

I'm so glad I don't bother with the voting. The only person who is exciting me this year is Bo. (No, not that way.) Can't wait for the *yawn* eliminations tonight. Zzzzz...

Permalink · Comments (1)

February 23, 2005

Weepy Time

By Stacy

Ah, the lovely fake drama, this is my FAVORITE part. *sarcasm*

Xst, that Mikalah performance was awful. Thanks for reminding me.

Holy crap, Melinda looks like she's about to murder people. Talk about having no grace. Yeah, it has everything to do with your "exposure", riiiiight. </Dr. Evil voice>

I have never understood this policy of making the loser sing after their guts have just been ripped out.

Constantine thinks he's sexay. Too bad he never noticed his complete lack of a chin.

Bye Jared. Sarcastic little shit.

Whoever runs this show is the most sadistic bastard on the planet. Really.

And whoever perpetrated the gratuitous William Hung commercial rates a flogging.

Oh noess!11!1 Sarah the kewpie doll is historeeeee! *yay*

Ok, that was sincerely fucked up. I predict a whole new generation of serial killers are generated by this very show. Glad Judd's gone, though, he reminded too many of us of last season's hobbit.

Permalink · Comments (2)

Round One Elimination Predictions

By Stacy

As a 35 year old mother of two, far be it from me to try and predict what the tumescent little brains of today's teenyboppers will decide...but I'm going to give it a swing anyway. Tonight, the cryers will be:

Lindsey Cardinale
Janay Castine

Scott Savol (and what a great steaming injustice that will be)
Joseph Murena


February 22, 2005

Girls Schmirls

By Stacy

The Seacrest scores another funny tonight with the "four people in tears, not my fault, YOUR fault" line.

Stop making me like him. Now.

On to the *cough* performances...

Vonzell: Eh. Nice tube top, but eh.

Amanda: I hate you, I officially hate you. And when Simon said he wanted to be reincarnated as your microphone, I actually threw up a little in my mouth.

Janay: I think they were right in their initial assessment that you would do well in a girl group sitch, ala TLC. You know, just avoid crowded third world intersections.

Carrie: However she does in this competition, she's got a career as a country performer. I sincerely hope someone picks up on that and she gets signed.

Sarah: Get. Off. My. Television. You looked like a Kewpie doll attempting to expel an orange up there. Gads.

Melinda: I'm sorry, Melinda, but you remind me too much of that talentless slitch from Hawaii last year. Out of the boat.

Nadia: Damn, I love this chick, even if she does overly resemble Scary Spice. That was a helluva performance, unintelligible song notwithstanding.

Celena: Another one who needs to get off my tv. Paralyzed with fear, are we?

Mikalah: Oh dear, oh dear. This is so very wrong. Honey, the combination of this song, your frumpy hair and dress, they make you look and sound like you should be pushing this crap across a tiny stage in a dingy nightclub in Boca. You're sixteen for fuck's sake! Try some Maroon 5 or Kid Rock on for size, ya?

Lindsey: Euch. Lingerie goes on the INSIDE. And your song made me sleepy. Really.

The Burger King/Hootie commercial my compatriots are lambasting here made me giddy as a little girl. It reminded me of...something...the Coen brothers, the song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" from O Brother Where Art Thou, and something else that's driving me crayyyyzeeeee!!! *happy*

Jessica: Phil Freaking Collins? What decade do you idiots think this is? The judges keep saying they want "young", "fresh" and "contemporary"...why aren't you listening?? Xst, you're like my freaking five year old.

Aloha: A good, strong performance. But I kept wondering why they forgot to put the pole on the stage...

Permalink · Comments (3)

February 21, 2005

Boyz Night

By Stacy

The Seacrest picks up some style points with his "in an effort to avoid overexposure we're only going to be on three nights this week" joke. Still gayer than a fair full of fairies though.

Nikko: Dull, dull, dull. He looks petrified. I'll be astonished if Stevie Wonder does NOT make an appearance as a guest judge this year.

Scott: Growing the facial hair in an attempt to define the chin, eh? Too little, too late. I love your voice, honey, but you look like someone inflated you, then squished you.

Anthony: Hoo boy, what a waste of time/energy. As much as I love this kid's voice he has nothing near the "star quality" they're looking for.

Bo: Go Bo, Go Bo. And I was just saying how much didn't like you.

Travis: Who?

Constantine: Ok, I like this song, but it's way out of your range, son. A gutsy choice? I don't think so. It does prove you gots no rocker cred whatsoever, though. Your ex-band is back home disavowing your name, that's for sure. And did he just tell Randy to "keep rapping"?! Dood. Not wise.

David: These sappy-ass songs are killing me, guys. I quote the immortal Ruby Rhod, "What was that?! It was bad! It had no fire, no energy, no nothing!"

Jared: Gads. *snore*

Anwar: I love this guy, mainly because he's a teacher and he's showing his kids how it's done...but Moon Freaking River?

Judd: At last, some energy! Too bad your voice is like listening to cat claws on a blackboard.

Joseph: Mother of gods, please make the boy band crap end.

Mario: I hate how much charisma this boy has. He's going to win it all. </official prediction>

Permalink · Comments (5)

February 18, 2005

Idol News

By Stacy

A (semi-) interesting story here on Yahoo about the past performing experience of this year's Idol group. Some choice tidbits:

Amanda Avila, 23, from Rowland Heights, California, sung, and lost, on a January 2003 episode of CBS' now defunct Star Search revival.

NO! Shocking.

Touted on Idol as the rock guy (or one of them, anyway), Constantine Maroulis, 29, of New York City, also is a working actor. He's toured the world in Rent--the Las Vegas Review-Journal last year said the production was "greatly hurt" by his "bland performance"--and appeared in productions of Hedwig & the Angry Inch and Macbeth.

Constantine = bland? The deuce you say!

Vonzell Solomon, 20, of Fort Myers, Florida, presumably has braved snow, sleet and hail as a carrier for the U.S. Postal Service (although maybe not so much of the snow, being based in the South and all). Last year, she released her first album/demo, My Struggle, which, in an cringe-worthy coincidence, bears the same title as Hitler's autobiography/screed.

Oh dear.

Should make for some interesting shows, eh? Christ, I hope so.

Permalink · Comments (4)

February 16, 2005

Wednesday is for Weeping

By Stacy

My colleagues here calling for the Oscar for Best Scenery Chewing to go to Miss Faith nailed it. What a load of horsecrap. "..doors closed in my face...I tried so hard to get y'all to like me..." Bleh. When she began walking down the street aimlessly, in her tiny little skirt and high heels, I said to my husband, "Yeah, honey just keep on walking down that street, you'll walk straight into a new career." He laughed so hard he farted.

Ok, so you had to be there.

Mikalah is a hoot. When I see her I start to smile. She's the most gorgeous girl in school who's friends with everyone because she possesses no artifice. How her mother accomplished that I'd like printed up in book form, please.

Bye Tammy. If I had to listen to your weeping throughout the rest of the competition, I think I would have hanged myself.

So pleased with the preponderance of non-boy band singers making the final cut...Constantine, Scott Savol and that Bice guy. You go, boys!

Permalink · Comments (4)

Tuesday Night Rumble

By Stacy

Had to catch last night's Idolatry on TIVO thanks to kid homework, etc. etc., and, today, just one thought springs to mind:

Paula Abdul is evil and I eagerly look forward to the day her contestants rise up and SLAY HER. </Lewis Black>

It wasn't much of a surprise, which room was to stay and which was to go. You could tell who was history by who was included in the room. When I saw Desmond Meeks, I knew his room was toast. Same for the chipmunk-voiced Aa'isha. Now I'm all for self-confidence, but it would be handy for some of these kids to learn the difference between that and outright arrogance. Aa'isha, for instance, can kiss my entire Cherokee ass, and I sincerely hope she winds up washing cars somewhere. Meeks was astonished he didn't make it, wasn't he. That's because he's never actually seen himself perform, I'm sure.

Too bad about Jennifer Todd, the chunky torch singer, but her massive double chin was just too distracting, I think. To be brutally honest, I sincerely doubt whomever is producing the end product of the American Idol winner really wants to spend very much time and money shaving 100 lbs off their winner. It's not fair, and there's a HUGE double standard for women (see Ruben Studdard), but it's the reality of show business.

I see the stereotypical redneck Jaclyn Crum made it through...for now. *muwhahahaha* It's really a pity she has a legitimate voice...a pity because she's like a low-rent Britney Spears, if your mind can imagine that without shattering like cheap stemware.

Looking forward to tonight's carnage. Pleasepleaseplease let Miss Waterworks get the boot. Pretty please?

Permalink · Comments (6)

February 08, 2005


By Stacy

Ok, got to this very late tonight due to unforseeables, but CHRIST WHAT A BUNCH OF NAMBY PAMBY LOSERS!!!

Ok, I feel a little bit better now.

The Failinator and Successinator have been updated...well, as updated as they can be with half the denizens of unknown fate. Those sporting a "??" under Status are assumed to be passed through since they weren't actually shown in the individual audition episode. Which means, DAMMIT, that Desmond freak gets another shot. Meh.

Added white trash poster girl Jaclyn Crum to the Failinator due pretty much solely to her emotional freak-out over the set of the inexplicably popular show The O.C.. I'm going to start calling my kids the K.T. and the M.T. And my car the H.E. Soon, no one will have a freaking clue what I'm talking about and I'll be committed to a state institution. Have I mentioned I believe the entertainment industry is in sore need of a kick straight in the ass?

Good for the Misha chick for shoving it all and going home to her son. Kinda worried about that "sleeping in my bed" thing, but hopefully he's only like 2 or so.

Mikalah Gordon. Honey, I hated you in auditions, thought your voice was mediocre at best...but you've got balls, girl. I hope you go all the way to the twelve, just to keep them honest.

Still love the OK farm girl, if the competition wasn't rigged to have a guy win this year, I'd totally be rooting for you to go all the way.

Ok, S.T. out. *snerk*

Permalink · Comments (2)

February 01, 2005

Late to the Party

By Stacy

Sarah does have a magnificent voice, but I must second the troll analysis below. Great self-esteem in her, good for her. And hey, full body hug from LL. *rowr*


Scott, you're white, ok? You're not from the 'hood. You're not.
Update - It really torques me you can actually sing.


I'd love to have LL Cool J over to dinner.


What in the hell is with the return of the 70s shags for men? Stop it. Right now.


Stupid mime. People who waste my time with this gimmicky crap should be subject to twenty lashes.


Farm boy - Can you be that gay and wear overalls? Is that allowed? Very nice voice, though.


When Randy says, "You can blow", do you think that's an approbation or a suggestion? Just axing.


Dear gods, the sisters couldn't SING, why are they freaking crying over being told 'no'? STOP MISLEADING YOUR FAMILIES!!!


Briana Davis, buy a mirror. And why are you wasting your operatically-trained voice on a pop competition, eh?


Anthony Federov - Pulling for you, boy. You have a fine voice and you are not so insufferably full of yourself. Plus, you totally grabbed your girlfriend's ass when you came out with your golden ticket. You go, boy.


White Boys? That wasn't singing, that was yelling. Girl, you made my dog bark.


Eschine, didn't hit one single note. Not one.


Ryan Miller - Body double for Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights. "Hey...uh, you wanna see my car?"


Vonzell Solomon - You know, I think you can actually sing, but you were too busy adding vocal fillips in there. Stop showing your ass and show your voice instead, dummy.


Lookit Cingular, getting the major ad space in there by offering the winners a phone to call home. Smoov, fellas.


Desmond Meeks - Another one I will watch in the hopes of witnessing his mortal embarrassment. You know, the producers really need to tell Paula to get her tootsie roll when the cameras ain't rolling.


Next week...San Francisco: Michael Jackson impersonator, I will NEVER understand you people. JP FREAKING Mulfetta??? WTF am I being inflicted with these losers this year? WHY???

Permalink · Comments (11)

January 27, 2005

Fail, Beeyotch!

By Stacy

That's right, Mufaletta, Moofalooto, whatever the hell your name journeyed all the way to LV to force your faux-'hood tenor on the judges once again, and I watch the rest of the episodes with one single goal in mind: to see you fail miserably when the real competition starts. Son, if I had a catapult, and a wall to breach, you would be my ammo of choice. *splat*

Most in need of chaining to the bottom of the nearest reservoir: the lumpy *cough* psychic with the dipthong problem. "I can't help falling in love wit you..."? *shudder* No, thanks. Really.

And hurray for the fat girl with the torch singer voice! I hope she kicks arse when the actual singing gets started.

Permalink · Comments (8)

January 26, 2005


By Stacy

I would just like to know...WTF could Gene Simmons possibly know about singing?

Permalink · Comments (5)

January 20, 2005

Madre De Dios

By Stacy

Curse William Hung, curse him for the crap-tastic retarded gravy train he is. He's the only reason I can come up with for the preponderance of FREAKS that are being allowed through this year. Surely they do pre-screening, do they not? If not, why hasn't Simon opened fire with an AK yet?

I agree with Michele, the ring-hocking woman I will watch just to savor the salty sweetness of her UTTER DEFEAT. Bleh.

From Wednesday night, seriously pleased with Ozzie Smith's kid, how he's actually able to sing and not the usual in-your-face talentless dreck. Well, I was pleased until he spoke of how his advancement was a paean to all those in St. Louis who were "held back". Held back? Is there a fascist dictatorship in the midwest we are unaware of? No, you say? Quel surprise.

The cruise ship kid was pitiful, wasn't he? Another case where his family has told him all his life what a golden god he is, only to have his hopes dashed by the cruel Brit.

And the music teacher who squeaked through, weeping HUGE crocodile tears over her student's failure to get a pass. ACT-ing! Ah well, it will probably work out for the best. Did anyone else get totally squicked when he said they were going to have lots of "fun" in Hollywood? *shudder*

Hurrah for the farm girl! Genuinely cute, and totally did justice to that Bonnie Raitt song.

To the excruciatingly short girl/boy who came into the audition room singing: Pick a gender, wipe some of that self-love off, and tell yo momma that you ain't all that, chips not included.

I tell you people right now, Simon is my favorite person on this benighted show. He's tired, he's cranky, he's bored with mediocrity. And I am with him six thousand percent. I look forward to the day he vaults over the table, albeit in a stodgy British sort of way, and mic-whips some smart mouthed little punk who believes his rendition of WHATEVER is the best thing since Stairway.

It's going to be a LONG season, stock up on the scotch now, people.

Permalink · Comments (9)