March 22, 2006
Time to make your picks!
Our picks are over on the right.
I think chicken little is going to be with us yet another week, kids.
You can all relax now, CHICKEN LITTLE IS GONE!
March 07, 2006
I have company and I'm trying to get rid of them.
So go ahead and have fun in the comments, I'll be along a bit later.
February 28, 2006
Girls Night Out, Part 2
Welcome to another fun filled evening.
I'm thinking of making up an American Idol drinking game just go get me through until we reach the final ten or so.
Katherine was ok. No oomph, really, but it was sweet. Not enough to really make me applaud her, though.
Kinnik up, doing some country.
Something about her voice I don't like. It sounds like she's got something in the back of her throat. It's a fun song and she has a good stage presence, but I'm just not feeling the voice.
Lisa, my favorite girl, up next.
How cute is she?
I don't think she's as strong as she was last week, but she is still pretty damn awesome. And I still think she's the best girl there.
Melissa up. She's dressed like a high school slut. She sounds terrible. Don't like her voice, don't like her outfit.
I am in total disagreement with Randy and Paula. TOTAL. Do. Not. Like. This. Chick.
Heather up. I really don't like this song, and she is not doing anything special with it.
That was pretty damn boring.
Brenna is up.
Geez, are there any girls I like this season besides Lisa? Because I can't stand this one, etiher.
Too much looking at the camera.
She sounds like a Studio 54 cabaret act. ICK.
Holy shit, Brenna whipped out the Ego of Death!
Paris up. Lord, I despise this song.
I feel like she's struggling with this.
Ok, she's hitting it at the end, but this is stil not the Paris we saw at auditions. I keep waiting for her to pull something big out of her hat.
Ayla up. And, you guessed it, I don't like her. I am just a flower of happiness tonight.
She's pretty good though. I just don't see her as a pop idol, but I think this is the best performance so far tonight.
PICK PICKLER! is up next.
Need I say? I HATE HER.
She is flat. Not pitch flat, just feeling flat.
Nope, nope, nope. I thought it was lifeless.
This is what I've been waiting for. For someone to show some punch, sing their heart out. Everyone else looks like they were holding back compared to her.
Right now I think Brenna and Heather will be gone.
See you tomorrow.
February 23, 2006
Tonight's Picks (aka The Race for the Batteries)
Those of you who were with us last year will remember that battery reference. You will also remember that all Idol Tongue bloggers make their "go home" picks the day of a vote show.
So, for tonight's losers:
Guys - while my personal opinion is that Sway and Bobby had awful performances and do nothing for me and should go home, I'm going to say that America does not share my opinion and will send Patrick and Bucky home. Which is not all together a bad thing.
Girls- Yes, I'd love to see Ayla go home, but that's not going to happen for a long time. And Becky, bleh. She should definitely go, and I think she will. My guess is that Becky and Kinnik will wave bye-bye tonight.
February 16, 2006
The Final 24
Anyone have favorites already?
My short list so far includes:
Ace (yea, just because he's adorable)
Kevin (just because he's local)
Chris ( love his personality, his style of singing and his voice)
Katherine (great voice, great personality, fun to watch)
Elliot (he's a long shot to go too far, i like to have an underdog in the race)
Lisa Tucker (great range, doesn't scream when she sings)
Taylor (so much fun and unique voice)
Will (too young to reall make it too far, but he's got a sweet voice and he';s charming)
I know everyone loves Paris and thinks she'll make it to the top three. I'm not saying she won't, she's just not one of my favorites. She's got a great voice, but I don't think she can swing too many varieties of music styles and that will be her downfall.
February 01, 2006
Day 6: February 1 (Austin)
Yay. Another night of torture. Another night of weight jokes, bad gimmicks, terrible singers, fashion disasters, mockery and clowns.
Help us Austin, you're our only hope!
Oh yippee. Gymnastics. Ok, the guy's flexible. Now stand up and sing.
Oh just fucking shoot me if I have to sit through an hour of this.
I thought there were supposed to be talented people in Austin!
Holy shit this chick is a MESS.
I am now going to stab my eardrums with a fork.
I think her braces have braces.
I'm drinking for this one. Can't sit through another 45 minutes sober.
"I consider myself to be a good embalmer." There's a pickup line if I ever heard one.
That wasn't terrible.
Holy shit. WHY do these people think they can sing?
I'm really really really really really really really bored with the crapfest of wannabes they keep showing. Show me something good, damn it!
Ok, if Captain Morgan can't make this show better, all hope is lost.
Ummm nope. Not making it better. Maybe I should move on to vodka.
Oh great. Another half retarded guy.
Ok ricky, save us.
Oh yessss Ricky has a smooooooooth voice. Wow, I'm swooning.
aaaaand cue the shallow bitch.
Prediction: she's going to make it to Hollywood and she will be the source of much drama.
Oh wow, forget it. She wasn't as great as she made herself out to be.
What? They are going to let her through because they like her, but not her voice? That was a total "she has the looks" pick. My prediction still stands.
This guy annoys the piss out of me. I've known guys like him. They have small dicks.
I hope he SUCKS.
Paula wants to bone him.
prediction 2: smug guy and fit chick cause a scandal.
WTF? Kill me.
This season has made me miss Scooter Girl.
And she's back.
And she still sucks.
DID you see that look on Paula's face?? He's 16 GIRL!
Paula only said no to him because she's afraid she won't be able to stop herself from knocking on his hotel room door to give him "singing lessons."
What's wrong with this chick's mouth?
No, check that. What's wrong with her?
I ask, for the tenth time, DO THESE PEOPLE NOT HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILIES TO KEEP THEM FROM SHAMING THEMSELVES ON NATIONAL TV?? WHO TELLS THESE PEOPLE THEY ARE GOOD? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP LYING TO YOUR LOVED ONES, AMERICA!
What Simon was just trying to say was "stick 50lbs of shit in a 20lb bag"
12 PEOPLE MADE IT AND WE WERE MADE TO SIT THROUGH THIS FESTIVAL OF SHIT??
Ohmygod. We have another night of this to go? I think I have to clip my toenails next Tuesday at 8. Don't know if I'll be here.
January 27, 2006
Idol News: Goodbye Twins, Hello 14 more minutes for Rhonetta
The "American Idol" twins accused of identity theft say they've been booted off the show.
A lawyer for Derrell and Terrell Brittenum, arrested earlier this month but now free on bail, says the identical-twin brothers have been "uninvited" from the show.
"It was an amicable breakup," the lawyer, Maurice Bennett, said on an Atlanta radio station. "The guys understood why. It's amazing how these things work."
And our favorite trash talking, Lil' Kim wannabe Rhonetta has garnered herself a fan club.
It's only a matter of time before she's got her own talk show. Look out, America.
January 24, 2006
Auditions 3, January 24th
Ready to roll for night 3!
Like I said last night, I've had enough of these ridiculous auditions from people who know damn well they suck, but just want to get their faces on tv. I want to see the GOOD stuff this time! And the mouths on these chicks this year! Wow.
Oh great. A shower singer. Aren't we all?
I will repeat the Tanya mantra: screaming != singing
Haha the Over the Rainbow chick sounds just like Salad Fingers
Blah blah hard life blah blah. Can you SING?! I don't do pity picks.
Owen in the comments makes a good point - she's Carrie Underwood.
Oh man. This guy in the suit is a douche bag. Eh, he can carry a tune, but he's not doing anything for me.
Simon sure has got his nasty on early this season. Ok, the little brother is an even bigger douche bag.
Ohmysweetjesus. I hate ventroliquists.
He has an ok voice, but the dummy has made me hate him.
Pink hat girl sounds like an elf who was kicked in the nuts.
I think Paula just came in her pants. Someone needs to wipe her seat down.
I think I'm just jaded after four years. No one is thrilling me.
Ok, that mouth thing cracked me up. I think I like this chick. Alisha? I don't remember her name.
Again, I ask: WHY DO THE FAMILIES OF THESE PEOPLE ENCOURAGE THEM? That's just cruel.
This Whitney chick is giving me a headache and she hasn't sung yet.
Ok, this show is getting really boring and predictable. I know exactly who Paula and Randy are going to pick each time. Is it me or are the people they're picking to go through just average?
Oh. My. Chase.
Wow, his singing voice is very different than he speaks. And he goes through!
Simon is such a dick.
It's a Vegas showgirl!
Did she just say her mom is a stripper? A vampire stripper maybe?
Hey, I think that was Lil Kim!
WTF is he hiccuping??
It's Crocodile Dundee!
I think I dig Ryan.
Holyjumpingjesus. I think a whale just died.
The Dixie Chicks girl (Paris) speaks like Lisa Simpson, but man she can sing. Her and Ryan are going on my short list. I really, really like her.
Put this guy out of his misery.
Ok, let's move on already. This is a waste of my time. YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS LIED TO YOU, MARCUS!
Doing Karaoke is not a pre requisite for singing well. Infact, it probably means you don't.
He looks like he had a three week bourbon bender recently.
personality of a hippo? Simon is running out of insults. And back to the karaoke bar for Jimmy.
Ok, this one looks like the dude from Coheed and Cambria - if he was a girl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Sammy's there on a dare.
Ohmygod, I think we are gonna get a shot of Ronetta's cooter. Someone get me a blindfold. Or a drink.
Nice song choice by Tyra. I dig her.
They're really overdoing it on highlighting the effeminate men this year.
Ok, the Michael Jackson guy? President of the drama club. there to prove to his friends he could get on tv. He'll record the show, make 43 copies of it, and mail one to all his relatives. It will be the closest he ever comes to being an actor.
Ok, enough with Ronetta clips already. Just cut to the chase and show us her skankeriffic act.
Oh for christsake. This whole uniform thing is just ridiculous. This is like the tenth guy in a uniform.
His voice hurts me. Paula is going to like him.
Is it me or have they let the suckiest people through this year so far? That dude was Sucky McSuckerton.
Ronetta: A girl in search of a pole.
This is painful and unecessary. If i wanted to see this shit, I'd walk into any courtroom at work on hooker day.
Yea, we'll see you on tv, Ronetta. America's Most Wanted, maybe.
"You think I'm gonna drink off you? I get paid big bucks for that at Madame Chang's House of Fun, woman!" Well, at least we didn't have to see her cooter.
And that wraps up the longest two hours of my life.
See you all tomorrow night.
January 23, 2006
I finally got around to watching the first two Idol episodes.
After four years of this, the opening shows have become predictable. We had, as if on cue:
- The over confident, boastful contestants who sucked harder than a Hoover.
- The seriously deluded contestants whose families and friends for some odd reason led them to believe they could sing.
- The sassy people with attitude
- The bitter bitch
- The "I have a gimmick" contestants
- The people who think screaming = singing
- The obviously fake over-the-top contestants
And, as in the past four years, Simon is still a smug, pompous asshole who is one nasty comment away from being downright creepy; Paula still looks very much like the bride in Sixteen Candles who had overdosed on muscle relaxant (and she still can't give someone a negative review without throwing in a goofy compliment) and Randy still comes out with the phrases that make me cringe.
I used to love these audition shows. It just seems agonizing now. I can't wait to get on with the real stuff.
On my "people to watch" list: Zachary (cute crooner), Lisa Tucker (she's going to end up being a favorite) and Chris (the guy with the cowboy hat who sang The Letter).
Back tomorrow to live blog alongside my fellow Idolers.
January 11, 2006
2006 Idol Season
Yes, we will be back with snappy commentary, wise-assed comments and riveting play-by-play.
See you here on January 16th!
May 25, 2005
At Last, The Final
This is it. My last post here on Idol Tongues.
I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you who hang around with us every Tuesday and Wednesday night. You've made this season a whole lot of fun. Thanks also to my fellow AI bloggers - it was nice to share this season with friends rather than hiding my obsession with the show as I've done in the past. Ok, enough with the sap. Let's get it on.
It's a two hour show tonight and I am waaaay overtired as it is. I may be just a little cranky. Which is no different than other weeks, anyhow.
Four minutes til showtime.
Oh. My. God. Kill me. Group songs are bad enough, but these costumes, and seeing Scott again, and the pure cheesiness of it..is this what I have to look forward to for TWO FREAKING HOURS? Whoa, could Nadia's cleavage be any more...apparent?
Babyface and Rascal Flats. Yippiekayaymotherfucker. Yea.
ACK. Mikalah. Someone run a razor blade through my ears, please.
And here comes the retrospective.
Make yourself comfortable. We're gonna be here a while.
Should I make a margarita or just have coffee?
Again with this song? I want some Whippin Post!
Camera phones don't work well in the dark. But here's my margarita:
90 more minutes. Sheeesh.
OH MY GOD IT'S MATTTTTTT! MATTT!!!!!111!1!11!!
Ack. Sorry. I loved him last year. This makes the next 90 minutes of boredom worth it. I got to see MATT!!
Holy shit she looks awful. The poodle perm, the dress down clothes....and her comes the song pouring out the nose again.
Oh, a retrospective of Paula's best crack trips.
WTFOMFGBBQ!1!1!!1 KENNY G IS IN THE HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
What the hell? Is LaToya dressed for New Year's Eve? Halloween in the Village?
I don't know what the hell Simon is on tonight, but I'm loving it. I like him when he's being creepy.
WoOoOOoOt, more Matt Rogers!
Oh I remember this poor girl. How could you forget that? Oh nice. THey brought her back to humiliate her live. How nice.
Err...what's with the closing theme? I know I'm not THAT drunk that I missed the last hour.
Awwwww a duet!! They look so CUUUUTE together.
Can we get on with the show now?
CARS? They get cars?? I don't think they've done this before.
(Thinks of a couple of "take Bo for a test drive" jokes)
Hah. Gene Simmons was the shit.
LEROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the guy who did ODB. He cracked my shit up, even if he turned out to be a crackhead convict.
Ah, it's my favorite couple. I bet they go to Star Trek conventions together now. Or maybe they became Furries together.
HASSELOFF IN THE HIZZZOUSE!!
LMAO that's awesome.
Blame Timmer for that gif.
Oh jesusonapogostick it's a parody. HELP ME OBI WAN, YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE! Someone get me a freaking escape pod NOW.
blame robyn for that one.
Oh man, the baby jesus isn't just crying, he's sobbing. I am SOOO glad I decided to drink tonight.
Oh joyofjoys a medley.
Carrie is singing with Rascal Flatts. He looks like what would happened if the dude from Flock of Seagulls turned into a puffer fish. She actually sounds better than she did at any time during the competition.
Anthony and Anwar with Kenny G. Novacaine is more exciting.
Hmm they sound pretty good together.
Kenny Wayne Shephard, Nadia, Jessica and Constantine doing Aerosmith. This is just killing me. If this were the Gong Show, they'd be hooked off the stage already.
And ANOTHER look at Scott. WOOOOOOO (kill me). He's still throwing down gangsta signs.
My girl Vonzie! She should have won.
[sticks pencil in ear for Mikalah, who is all ho'd out tonight.]
Bo with Skynyrd!!!! This has GOT to be one of the greatest moments of his life. Oh, he is just awesome here.
Here we go, FINALLY!! Hurrrry I have to peeeee.
Ahhhh. Carrie. I just don't think she deserved it. But I'll be nice. This is for her:
Oh lord this gackfest of a song is going to be her single. Now you can hear the retarded words "I want to be inside your heaven" 24 hours a day!
I swear, when she won I did the Darth Vader NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good-bye everyone. See you next year!
Final Elimination Prediction
It came to me last night as I was watching the show. Carrie is going to win. It's almost as if it was pre-determined. And I don't mean that in a conspiracy-theory, scandal kind of way. When I first saw Carrie on AI this season, I pegged her as the perfect AI winner, in the eyes of the producers. And you have to be really, really naive to think that the producers don't have the final say.
Which is all well and good. Like last year, the winner will go on to have a mediocre career. Carrie will be playing state fairs by this time next year, but she'll have put in a whole year of touring and schilling for AI so they'll get their money's worth from her. Bo will have more of a career, but, like most AI winners, he will fade from the spotlight before long as well. I predict that Bo and Constantine will have some kind of reality show on VH1 by next year.
My pick (but not my choice) is therefore Carrie.
May 24, 2005
And Then There Were 2!
That's right. We are down to the end. And many of us knew this is exactly how it would end up.
I'm looking for Bo to sweep the floor with Carrie tonight.
While you're waiting for the show to start, why not take our survey below?
Yadda Yadda, I won't miss sitting through Seacrest's retarded antics, that's for sure.
Ok Bo is singing already. It's a song that was written for him.
I just got a bad feeling about this. I don't know why. Hope it's not a premonition.
This song is doing nothing for me. Nothing against Bo, it's just a crappy song.
She still seems stiff to me. And it seems like she got a song much better suited for her voice. But wow, she sounds kind of pitchy to me. Very nasally, too.
I have to agree with Simon regardless. Carrie won round one, because Bo's song was teh suck.
Next up they do their favorite songs of the season.
For Bo, I liked that "great god in heaven you know I love you" song.
YES! I WIN! This is the song that won me over. I moved over to the Bo column when he sang this.
oh YES Carrie is DOOOOOOMEd. Wooot WOOOOOT! Flawless. Beautiful. HOT.
Carrie's gonna do that hoedown song, isn't she?
Oh, she's doing the Sean Hannity song. Blech.
I'm sorry. I find her ordinary, off key and she looks like she's riding an invisible horse. This is awful. AWFUL. I found it once again to be too nasally and pitchy and screechy.
Round 2: Bo.
Ick, now they have to do the icky songs from earlier?
I want to be inside your heaven. Kill me now. Not even Bo can make that sound anything but gacky.
This is not great. BECAUSE THESE SONGS SUCK! sucksucksuckbigfatdonkeyballs. They are ass cakes with ass frosting.
Much better than Carrie's take on it. How cute is he?
Now we have to listen to Carrie sing a song that not even Bo could make sound good.
Why is she so insistent on singing through her nose? No stage presence. Not bad, though. Better than her other two performances and a reminder of why she's in the finals.
Ok, she screeched the finale. And this song is just crappitycrapcrap. I would slit my wrists if I got stuck in an elevator and this song was playing.
And that's a wrap. I give my choice to Bo tonight.
Tomorrow is a two hour show. Show up here and endure it with me. I'll bring the champagne and chips.
Final Week Survey/Poll
Hey gang. Can you believe we are down to the last week already?
We thought we'd have some fun today before we get down to the business of watching Bo kick Carrie's ass tonight. All the AI bloggers got together and came up with some questions. Answer all, none or some. Your choice.
* What was your favorite performance of the season?
* Who would you have brought back as the wild card if they had one?
* Whose album would you buy first? (if they magically all came out at once)
* Did you miss the celebrity judge nights this year and would you like to see them again next?
* Of the three judges, which would you like to NOT come back next year?
* What celebrity judges would you like to see next year?
* Who was your least favorite contestant this year?
That's all we could think of. Have fun and see you at 8pm!
May 18, 2005
Elimination Night 5/18
It's time. Make your predictions now if you got 'em.
Those bastards got to go see Revenge of the Sith? Like they even care! Hmmph.
As usual, I'm going to make myself busy while they do all this feel-good crap.
We have to listen to them sing AGAIN? Just get the hell on with this so I can go to bed.
Awwww Bo is so cute!
(I can't believe I just wrote that)
I just don't like that they make them sing the same songs again. It's overkill. They should do something else, like make them answer questions straight out of a beauty pageant.
"Carrie, if you had one wish what would it be?"
"World peace, of course. And to feed all the children. And to ride Bo like a wild stallion!"
Ok, I do love watching Bo perform.
Anyhow, the Willy Wonka commercials freak me out.
The governor proudly proclaims that today is Carrie's Underwear Day!
Ok, so I'm overtired and I've been hitting the margaritas.
Ok, finally. Let's get this done.
Yep. Vonzelle is going home. That's really too bad. I enjoyed the hell out of watching her. She was by far one of my favorite contestants this year overall.
She has a career in show biz ahead of her. She's pretty, charming and talented.
That said, Bo is going to kick Carrie's ass back to Okie.
The "Almost There" Elimination Prediction
Well it's not going to be Bo. I think if Bo got eliminated tonight, the FOX building would go down in flames within minutes. Some show last night, eh? Even people who NEVER (or claim to never) watch AI were talking about it today.
So, Vonzie or Carrie? If I had my druthers, Vonzelle would stick around. Both of them left me kind of flat last night, but overall I prefer Vonzelle. She's just got more going on. Carrie never looks comfortable on stage and she has zippo in the personality department. Vonzelle just shines. She sparkles, even.
But I am not all of voting America, am I? AI is a democracy and as often happens with democracies, someone you don't like wins and someone you love loses.
I'm getting way off track here.
America will, against MY better judgment, send Vonzelle home.
It's a Bo and Carrie finale, just as many of us predicted way back when.
May 17, 2005
And Then There Were Three!
Well, we're getting down to the end here. I'm sure going to miss my Tuesday nights with you all when this is over.
Tonight, the final three - Bo, Vonzelle and Carrie - will each sing three songs. Is it me or is this feeling a bit more like torture each week?
We'll be ready to go in just ten minutes. I'm predicting a big night for Bo. Just a gut feeling.
Here we go. And Clive Davis is in the house. I'm not a big fan of guest judges.
Ok, three songs - personal choice, judges' choice and Clive Davis's choice. Clive's choices are first.
Vonzelle first, I'll Never Love This Way Again.
Hmm..she doesn't sound as powerful as she usually does. She sounds....different. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think I really like what she did with this song.
Eh, Clive is bitching about her smiling during the song.
OH, this is going to be GOOD. Don't Let the Sun Go Down is a perfect song for him.
I'm really liking this, but I'm so biased I can't be taken seriously anymore when it comes to Bo.
That was so good.
Carrie doing Crying? This could be a disaster or a star-maker. NO in between.
Nice job. She was better than Vonzelle in this round. I'm not a huge Carrie fan, but I think this is my favorite performance of hers. She actually showed some emotion.
Next round is contestant's pick. Prediction: Carrie will go with a country torch song, Vonzelle will do a current R&B, maybe Alicia Keyes, and Bo will do a 70's rock tune.
Vonzelle, ruining my prediction, is doing Chain of Fools. This is good, but I still feel like Vonzelle is missing something tonight. Her voice was made for a song like this. Good choice for her.
They really have to stop saying "best vocal sung on this show" so often. Kind of takes the compliment out of it when they say it every week.
Whoa, Bo doing acapella? This is BOLD.
Oh my god, I think I'm having a religious experience. And I'm an atheist. If he doesn't win this thing, I'm rioting.
Holy SHIT that was amazing. Just. Fucking. Amazing.
I think I need to be by myself for a few minutes.
Oh yea, Carrie. Oh jesus she is NOT doing this song. And I don't think she's doing a great job with it. A bit screechy. She just ruined Air Supply for me, man.
That's right. I like Air Supply. Shut up.
Carrie has no personality. And I really thought she was too high pitched on the Air Supply song.
Judges picks now.
Vonzelle: On the Radio, Donna Summer. Vonzelle could rock the house with this one. Her kind of song.
Those pants are horrid.
She really has pop star quality written all over her. The look, the smile, the personality, the voice. I still don't think this was her best performance night, but she is mighty talented.
Paula's choice for Bo: The Stones, Can't Get No Satisfaction.
She worked hard to pick this one out for him. She knew he would blow it out of the water. I'm convinced he can sing anything. He could sing the alphabet and I'd be mesmerized. I have never bought a CD by an AI contestant before, but I will now.
That totally rocked.
Randy's choice for Carrie: Man I Feel Like a Woman. Yee ha.
When she tries to make a "dancing" move she looks like she's riding a bull. Always.
Not. Liking. It. I think she sounds flat, screechy (again) and just no oomph. It was generic.
May 11, 2005
Elimination Night 5/11
And here we go. Care to make your predictions before Seacrest starts dragging this one out?
Let's recap who the AI bloggers think is going home:
If you don't mind I'm going to skip the group song. I have to umm....take the garbage out.
Hahah that commercial was teh funny!!11!1!
Memories...misty neon colored memories....
I'm bored with this. Let's get it on already. I have laundry to do.
Yay. We get to see flashbacks of Paula being cracked out.
Gee, they're planning on cramming an awful lot into the next fifteen minutes. My prediction: Seacrest will make Carrie stand on one side, Bo on the other and then ask Vonzelle and Anthony to figure out where they go. Then he'll say something mean. Then he'll say something sarcastic that's supposed to be funny but it's not. Then he'll tell Vonzelle to go stand next to Carrie, tell them they are the bottom two, wait a few seconds for them to look horrified, tease them a bit and then send Vonzie home.
Ahhh, so Bo tried out with Whipping Post. Cool.
I should explain that I don't WANT Vonzelle to leave. I just make my guesses based on previous experience.
Bo is safe and Seacrest is speed reading.
Hmmm. Carrie is safe. Lots of people thought she'd be going home tonight.
Nothing like rushing through this.
Wow. Federov is finally gone.
I'm glad Vonzelle is staying. But I really think Anthony is a nice guy. I hope good things happen for him.
We are one step closer to the fabled Carrie/Bo finale.
Elimination Prediction 5/12
It's getting harder to figure out just what America is up to on Tuesday nights after the last note is sung.
But I've put my Encylopedia Brown costume on and did a little detective work for this one. After all the evidence was gathered, disseminated, fingerprinted, examined, etc., I came to this conclusion, based solely on my simple forensic skills and past performances of the voting public.
The final two tonight will be Vonzelle and Carrie.
Vonzelle will go home.
That's right. According to my calculations, Stacy will have to put up with Immigrant Boy for yet another week.
May 10, 2005
And Then There Were 4
Another Tuesday, another night of having to put up with Seacrest.
I was thinking today - I don't think anyone out there imagined this would be our final four. Not one person could have predicted Federov would still be with us at this stage.
Awwww give it up for Paula, everyone!!
Themes tonight are The Sound of Philadelphia and Nashville. Who didn't see the country theme coming?
Carrie up first, singing some hoe down song. She still looks sort of stiff and I think she's off on some notes, though I could be wrong because I have no idea what song this is. But I do feel like shouting YEEEHA! I am NOT feeling this. It's messy. I think I'm the only person at this point who doesn't "get" Carrie.
Bo coming up with Travis Tritt. Have I mentioned I loathe country music?
I'm not feeling this, either. It's nothing he hasn't done before. Bo needs to reach out and grab the audience at this point with something different, something spectacular. I mean, I love his voice and anything he sings sounds good, like it's made for radio, but I'm not feeling any passion from him tonight, and that's usually what sets him apart from the other contestants. But I do love Bo and even a mediocre peformance from him is an excellent one. If that made any sense.
Simon just hit it on the head: it was lazy.
Vonzell doing Trisha Yearwood. Again, she's doing a safe song. She's got a wonderful voice and a great stage presence. She should kick out the jams! Be daring! I want to see what she can do with a song that's sexy or edgy.
I take that back. She's not sounding wonderful. She's messing up. She's off key and she's missing words.
She knows she messed up. Poor girl.
Throat boy up next. Aww he's his momma's little baby.
Again, with the sitting down. Oh god, is this one of those sappy, heart wrenching, gacky songs?
Nothing spectacular. He really does have a nice voice and he seems like a nice guy and this was a nice performance. But are we going to be satisfied with just....nice?
This was probably his best effort in at least three weeks.
And now we move up and over on the map to Philadelphia. It's a good opportunity for these guys to pep it up. Please, NO MORE BALLADS!
Carrie is singing a slow song. I guess that's ok, she was peppy with her hoedown song.
Is it me or is the tune all weird on this? I feel like I want to pull the words out of her mouth. I am just. not. liking. this. Her voice is irritating the hell out me tonight.
Bo, finally, doing a peppy song.
Damn, he looks SMOKIN hot tonight.
I think half the problem is this band SUCKS. I would love to hear Bo playing with a better, more rocking band.
Oh YEA Bo is ON. My favorite performance tonight. And I'm not saying that just because I want in his pants.
I really think Bo has this thing wrapped up.
Vonzell stepping it up a bit. This is what I'm talking about. Vonzelle has to move around, sing something with life in it. ANd she's doing that right now. She sounds a little breathless in parts, but for the most part, she's rocking the stage.
Yadda yadda American Dream...aaaand another ballad.
Much better than Carrie, though that's not saying much. It was right for him. I think he did well enough tonight to make it really unclear who is going to go home tomorrow. Federov just threw a wrench into the whole works by having a better night than he normally does. That's not to say he can win it, but people who were automatically dismissing him tonight might be saying..hmmm...maybe I like him better than Carrie.
And that's a wrap. Stop back tomorrow afternoon for our predictions. This is going to be hard.
Stacy's got her review up - I'm thinking she doesn't really feel it for Anthony.
May 04, 2005
Elimination Night 5/04
Ok kids. Let's get your predictions in before the show starts. Who's going home tonight?
Recap, recap, recap. I really wish they would come on, separate the wheat from the chaff and wave good bye to the loser of the night without all this window dressing and hoopla and looking at Scott's face more than we have to.
And now, the group song portion of the program. You may all go pee, put in a load of laundry or take out the garbage now.
Please tell me they're not doing this song (message to you, rudie). Please. Please. Please. I'm going to cry. They just ruined it for me. Totally. That was not necessary.
Hmmmmmmm I bet Scott and Anthony are in the bottom.
Nothing is every straightfoward at this part. So who knows.
We have to listen to them SING?
Either way, someone who deserves it is going home tonight.
Wow, Seacrest was a little nasty there. Parking the car?
Hah, they cut him off. And Paula wasn't hysterical for him!
Stole this one from Fark, click for bigger:
Please note that several comments have been deleted. Comments on this thread have been closed. A particular person has been banned.
Homeward Bound 5/4
I've given up on saying Scott's going home. It just ain't gonna happen this week, much to my chagrin.
Standing on the stage like deer in headlights in the final moments, as Seacrest drags out the drama a few minutes more than necessary, will be Vonzell and Federov. By the time Seacrest stops yanking their chains, Vonzie will be waving good-bye.
I wish it weren't so. I like Vonzell. I don't hate Federov, but I don't think he should have made it this far. And Scott, well, I think I know the voting public well enough by now to know that Jabba will be available for me to make fun of come next Tuesday.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. America, you make me weep.
May 03, 2005
And Then There Were 5
Welcome back for another week of American Idol hijinks! Will Paula cry? Will Scott sneer? Will Seacrest be annoying? All this and more coming up at 8pm.
Tonight's themes are....Leiber and Stoller and Billboard top 40. Interesting juxtaposition of themes.
That's right, everyone. We get two, two, two songs in one!
Hey, I love Smokey Joe's Cafe! This could be good.
Anthony up first. Doing Poison Ivy by the Coasters. Nice choice - fun song.
Oh. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. He's just so...bland.
Paula has this roundabout way of saying she doesn't like something. She does look like they cleaned her up a bit. She doesn't appear to be cracked out tonight.
Scott a star on Broadway? Please. Spare us.
I. Can't. Look. At. Him. It gives me hives. Well, this isn't the worst thing I ever heard. But he still sucks. He definitely misses a lot of notes. But not his worst performance.
Ok, so with Connie gone, Paula is going to slobber over Jabba now.
Vonzell doing Treat Me Nice. This could be good.
This is alright. I love her voice but I'm not feeling something with this song. It's good..don't get me wrong, but I think she needs to step out and do something different. She's been in the same mode for the past few weeks. Totally agreeing with Simon here. It was messy. I still heart her, though.
Bo doing Stand By Me.
I think I'm smitten. Bo's got it going on. It wasn't his most powerful work, but it still mesmerized the audience and that's what it's all about. He's smooth. Very smooth.
Carrie. She's going for the bad, bad girl thing. She always seems so uncomfortable to me. But her voice is HOT tonight. She just has zero charisma. It's like she's not sure if this is the persona she wants to project. But damn, her voice is HOT.
There is CRAP on the Billboard top 40. Like, 38 50 Cent songs and 2 Kelly Clarkson songs.
What the hell is this? BACKSTREET BOYS? STick a fork in Anthony.
Err..he's actually singing this better than the Backstreet Boys. Huh. I liked it. Everyone hated it.
And please, people. No one is going to do Weezer or Nine Inch Nails. We're stuck with Mariah Carey. Guarantee you.
Scott is doing Brian McKnight and my LORD, he just said HOMIES. Any song that has the word HOMIES should be taken off the charts. And Scott should be kicked in the shins for making my ears bleed.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see Bo try Queens of the Stone Age. Or even Audioslave. That would rule.
Vonzell up. Uh...this is the American Idol group song. That's a weird choice. Sounded wonderful, but again, she was being safe.
Bo with the 70's era fringe jacket. I think this is Los Lonely Boys. I'm telling you. Bo sounds like he's already on the radio. He's got the voice. He's ON. He sounds like he's an established star already.
Carrie up. See, she looks much more comfortable when she's not trying to be something's she's not. This is her zone. It's where she needs to stay the rest of the competition.
We'll be voting for Bo tonight. See you tomorrow.
April 28, 2005
there's got to be a morning after
Ok, Constantine fans. Time to suck it up and move on with your lives.
Are there really people out there who claim to be stunned that votes can somehow be rigged or a reality tv show can be fixed? Yea, I vote every week, but I suffer no delusions that the results aren't somehow skewed to get the best possible final match up that will garner the most possible ratings.
Looking at the official AI boards, I'm taken aback about how many people invest their hearts and souls into various contestants. I don't know why it shocks me that some people are ready to either commit suicide or burn down the Fox building today, but it does. Even when I was in love with Leif Garrett - at the age of ten, I think - I never put so much of myself into idolizing him that my world would have fallen apart if his tv show went off the air.
Some of the people on these boards are grown, adult women. It's frightening. They are talking to him as if he actually goes to the boards and reads all the messages. Honestly, if he saw some of the stuff written there, he would fear for his life. Some of these people are not beyond sneaking into his house at night to cut off a lock of his hair.
I don't like Constantine and I'm glad he's gone (especially since he pulled the last straw on Tuesday - the only thing worse than Nickelback is Constantine doing Nickelback) but there are at least two contestants that, if the people voted on talent and the votes actually counted - should have been gone before Constantine. All this time I waited for this psuedo-rocker to get voted off, and now it's kind of anti-climatic because Jabba the Scott is still on board.
And why is Scott still there? This is why. That's just one of the pitfalls of having a reality show where the public votes. Things like this will happen. Is it fair? No. Is it legal? I'm sure there are no laws on the books regarding things like voting for ugly, mean, talentless hacks on reality shows.
I do think that this sounds a death knell for American Idol as we know it. Between LaToya and Jennifer (and to a lesser extent, Diana) getting voted off last year and Scott and Anthony staying in the running this year when they should have been gone long ago, a lot of fans are getting frustrated. Look for some new voting rules for next season, possibly a whole new format. Also, I predict Paula will be gone. This whole season has been like watching a train wreck with her. I don't know what she's on, but her behavior on the show has been so ridiculous that I cringe when she comes on screen. How can she not be embarrassed for herself? And after last night, with her crying those huge, snotty tears over Constantine, she has to be gone. She's a judge for chrissakes. Judges don't cry when contestants leave. Unless, of course, they have developed an unhealthy crush on them and/or having been sucking their dicks in the hotel room after the show.
Sorry. Anyhow, to recap: Face reality that the show can and probably is fixed; suck it up as far as the internet move to have Scotty the Body crowned American Idol because there's nothing you can do about it; get over Constantine because he doesn't really care about you or your poetry or your desire to run your fingers through his hair as you console him; and get ready to see a complete overhaul of the show for next season. If there is a next season. I suspect this was a jump the shark moment for AI.
April 27, 2005
Elimination Night 4/27
I'm feeling a little under the weather tonight. No, a LOT under the weather. I won't be live blogging the elimination show tonight, but I opened this up so you can discuss it here in the comments if you want.
If Scott gets voted off, I'll show up later to celebrate.
Ok, I took some Excedrin Migraine. I guess I'll hang out.
Interesting......Carrie and Bo together. Could Vonzell be in the bottom three? Anthony with Vonzell. Hmmm.....Let's hope Scott heads over to that side after the break. I hate to see Vonzell in the bottom three, though. She doesn't deserve that. Should be Constantine, Scott and Federov going ahead of her.
Carrie and Bo in the top group and..........HOLY FUCK. Scott is NOT in the bottom three. I hate you, America. I hate every last one of you who voted for Scott. WTF is wrong with you?
Pleased to see Connie the Smarmy get a nice dose of humility. But, still. I don't want to see Vonzell go. YAY she's safe!!!
It's gotta be Federov. I know Constantine's performance last night sucked big ass, but Federov hasn't had a great performance ANY night.
Who? Who is voting for Scott? And who dumped chlorine into your gene pool?
WOW. WOW. I am not a Constantine fan by any stretch of imagination but, holy hell, Federov got more votes than him?? This is insane.
Paula is CRUSHED. I am laughing at her right now.
So, who thinks the show is rigged?
Ha, laughing at Ian: Nickelback is fatal. Heh.
OHmygod, Paula is hysterical. Somebody just kill her now. Her life is worthless.
Elimination Prediction 4/27
First, let me just say that last night's show was LAME. Not one stand out performance. In fact, I'll remember it as the show - counting all four years of AI - that had the most weak peformances in one night.
I still can't shake the memory of Constantine doing Nickelback. Honestly, I thought there was nothing worse for your ears and mind than Nickelback, but Constantine took the suckiness to a whole other level.
Unfortunately, the screeching girlies are still voting with one hand down their panties and Connie's craptastic peformance will not be enough to land him in the final three.
Tonight's prediction: Scott, Carrie and Anthony.
Sad to say, it will be Federov packing his bags. Not that he doesn't deserve it. But he deserves it less than Jabba the Scott.
For your pleasure:
April 26, 2005
And Then There Were 6
And here we go again...
I know what the theme is tonight and the song choices are going to be mighty interesting.
Blahblah Seacrest Blahblahblah....I wish we could just streamline the show down to twenty minutes.
Scott is looking very Jabba the Hut tonight.
And the theme is ...songs from 2000 on.
Carrie up first.....she looks good with her hair straight like that. I have no idea what this song is, but she's doing nothing for me with it. Sounds like she's struggling to be heard.
That was very.....run of the mill. Not final six kind of stuff. I'm agreeing with Randy, go figure. She was drowning with this song. Holy shit, I'm agreeing with Paula??
Bo better not be doing Creed.
Alrighty. I don't know this song, either. But look at Bo with the poncho shirt. And the glasses. He's irking me tonight for some reason. The audience seems to really be digging him tonight. I liked it - I thought he definitely sold himself with this song, but I think the facial expression annoyed me, which I will let slide tonight because I love me some Bo. Faith called it - Bo was good but still not taking any risks. And Tanya called him on the Kravitz glasses before Simon did.
Vonzell next. I sense some Celine Dion coming up.....
Ack. No. She's doing Christina. Ok, these people have to do more than wade their way through a song and hope that the high notes carry them through. This is ok. Her weakest performance in the past three weeks. I love you Daddy? Ick. Like Ian said in the comments, she's Anwaring it. Shut the hell up, Randy. We got it. She's in the DAWG POUND. I thought it was boring. (But I still love her)
Holy shit. Federov is doing Celine Dion. This, I gotta see. I swear, if he pulls this off I will vote for him tonight. Just for the balls he has to have to do this.
I really want a Chewie ringtone. Oh, I've got a big surprise for you guys when Scottie the Body comes on.
Damn. He should have worn a dress. He singing this as if he's in bed after having sex with some hooker he just fell in love with. I meant that as sort of a compliment. This really isn't bad, considering what he's trying to pull off. But dude. IT's time to go home.
Ok, Constantine up next. Is he actually going to live up to his rocker label this week or is his transformation to lounge singer going to be completed?
OHmyfuckinggod. He's doing Nickelback. Shoot me. Shoot him. Game over, I officially loathe him. This sucks worse than the original and I didn't think anything could suck worse than Nickelback. God. Damn. That was awful.
Scott up next. And here's a little present for you all.
Don't blame me. I found it on Fark. I didn't want to be the only one going blind with horror tonight so I had to pass it on.
He;s the heart and soul of AMerica? We are DAMNED. What the hell is this song? Is it a lullabye? Because it's putting me into a freaking coma. Eh. That was kind of lame.
I'm not voting for anyone tonight.
April 20, 2005
We've all made our predictions. Let's hope this is the week Scottie goes buh-bye.
Oh, who cares about this shit? Just cut to the chase. Send someone home. Preferably the gangsta of love.
Blahblahblah groupsong blahblahblah. I'm going into insulin shock with this song. Shine this. Just get on with the action, already.
Aaaand...let's give it up for the Brady Kids, who just made enough money to buy their parents an anniversary platter!
Ohjesuschristonapogostick. MUST they torture us with this freaking stuff?? As if Scott's head wasn't big enough, they have to distort it?
Why the complications? Just point a finger, say You're going home, sucker! and end the show so I can go to bed already.
Ok, what is the song in this HP commercial? I really dig it.
Ok, so much for my batteries.
AH, mindfucking with Bo. And he's fucking them back. Heh.
Dude, six minutes left. Stop screwing around and just get on with sending Scotty packing.
By the way, Mike - one more comment about me and Scott and your ass is banned from here. I love you, guy. But you're freaking me out.
At least Vonzell is safe this week.
I WIN THE BATTERIES!! FINALLY!!! So do Stacy and Robyn. WOOT!
Ok, I'm kinda miffed that Scott is still in it, but I really, really think that Anwar just wanted to go home.
Predict-o-Meter: Going back to Jersey
It's getting harder and harder to pick a bottom three. America is so damn fickle.
If it were MY bottom three, it would be Anwar, Federov and Scott. Alas, the majority of the voters (most of whom are robots programmed by some evil scientist who gets a small yet thrilling electric shock in his pants every time a vote is registered for Scott) don't see it my way.
Tonight's bottom three shall be:
Anwar, Federov and Carrie.
Going home, back to Joisey, will be Anwar. Whom, I believe, will be secretly happy to be doing just that.
April 19, 2005
And Then There Were 7
Coming up at 8pm EST...sharpen those criticism skills.
And here we go. Seacrest really needs to stop saying Scotty the Body. It creeps me out.
And the theme is.....
Oh god. It's 70's dance classics. Break out the disco ball.
Who's gonna do Funkytown??
Constantine, I'd like to introduce you to the concept of combing your hair.
I freaking hate his poses. I hate the way he looks into the camera. I hate the way he loves himself. I hate that he's doing a Bee Gees song. At least he's not doing it well. His damn Jersey accent really does not do justice to this song. Ugh. I depsise this man and his super sized ego. That blew.
Oh shut UP Paula. Just get on your freaking knees, suck his dick and get it overwith. Please.
Carrie doing Donna Summer. My god, I hate this song.
Sigh. This is doing nothing for me. I think it's the theme. I am not a disco fan. Not even those big, strong notes are doing anything for me tonight. Oh come ON Simon - the outfit means nothing here. Though she really should have come out in glittery spandex.
Scott doing Everlasting Love. Do I have to watch him? Oh great. And now I have to say that his voice doesn't sound horrible. It could certainly use some more ooomph. Certainly not his worst performance, she said grudingly. But not a winner. It was missing something. I take that back. The last half of the song BLEW.
Ohmygod, I HATE these judges. And just shut up and get off the stage you ugly, slimy, creepy bastard.
Federov does not do sexy well.
I think Bo should do YMCA.
Hey, Federov sounds good tonight!! He could be the next disco gay icon! Move over, Gloria Gaynor! Seriously, I enjoyed that.
I want a dollar for every time Randy says DUDE. ANd then I'll use the money to buy Constantine a shower.
Vonzell up. Doing that Oprah song. I LOVE this girl! I love her voice, I love the way she carries herself on stage. She's wonderful. That was HOT!
Anwar coming up. He's been a yawnfest for me lately.
Bad song choice. This will do nothing to show off his skills. Again, Anwar's face and voice say "please God, let this be overwith this week. Send me home." I ain't feelin' it dude. Aight?
And Bo with the last song of the night. Ohhhh good choice, Bo! Oh man. He's smokin. This is awesome. Bo. Fucking. Rocks.
I'm picking up the phone for Bo tonight.
April 13, 2005
It's an hour show tonight. Why, god, why? Why torture us for an hour when all we need is ten minutes to say good bye to someone?
I'll halfheartedly live blog, I guess.
Oh. Hahah. A Kirstie Alley fat joke. LOLROFLLMAOBBQ!!11!
What the fuck is that get up Seacrest is wearing? Where's the ugly t-shirt?
I'm really, really cranky tonight.
Constantine's hair? Not a good look. Not at all.
Oh,I get the hour edition now. IT's gonig to be an hour long commercial for their charity record. Gosh, I just love infomercials masquerading as entertaiment. I gave up dying my hair for this.
Ok, I'll be watching the Yankee game for a while. Someone tap when they get to the real stuff. Yay. Giambi finally put his steroid arms to use. Oh, am I on the AI blog? Sorry.
Oh jeebus. We have to listen to them SING? Just GET THE FUCKING VOTE OUT, PEOPLE!
Scotty the Body in the BOTTOM THREE! America, there is hope for you yet! But I ain't listening to this loser sing again. Hey, how about those Yankees?? My god, someone actually slept with this man. ::shudder::
And..Carrie is safe.
Bo.....holy bottom three, batman.
Did Bo just say something about sleeping with his mother?
Paula is on crack. Again.
I finally figured out who Constantine reminds me of (personality wise, not looks). That Lord of the Dance guy - Michael Flatley.
No, that is NOT a compliment. Not by a long shot.
Connie boy....Geez, Simon is smiling at him. He's safe.
Hah. Nadia. I KNEW IT. This is her third time in the bottom three?
I can NOT believe Federov is still in it.
It's got to be Nadia. Scott won't go simply because I'm being punished for something I did in a previous life. Bo won't go, because he just won't. It's going to be Nadia.
And.............Holy fucking shit. He's staying. YOU PEOPLE SUCK. I want to know who's voting for him. Stand up, people. Someone admit that you voted for him. Because I want to smack the shit out of you.
Oh, man. I'm so happy that Bo is safe, but I feel kind of bad for Nadia. There is no way she is less talented than Anthony or Scott. No way. There are a lot of stupid, stupid people out there and they all have speed dial.
When I thought about this in the morning, I thought - Anthony, Scott, Nadia. Easy.
And then I thought about it some more. America has disappointed me week after week. Why should tonight be any different? I think Scott - whom I loathe more and more with every passing day - will have once again summoned the powers of the girls- in- tube- tops- and- spandex- pants vote and will not even make the bottom three, let alone go back home to Compton or whatever ghetto he thinks he's from.
Anthony, who really should have been gone long ago, won't appear in the bottom three either, as he's still using his batting-eyelash mojo to work that "poor, sick immigrant" thing. Hey, it worked for Angela's Ashes.
Alas, I think my new sweetheart Vonzell will appear in the bottom three. I've grown really fond of her. But it's been proven time and again that the majority of Idol voters vote with either half a brain or with their hand down their pants.
Nadia will make the bottom three again. The girl is gorgeous, she's got poise and flair and a body to die for. She also has a beautiful voice, but she lost that pizazz that made me fall for her the first week or two. However, she has a tremendous career in modeling ahead of her, I predict.
The last of three will be Anwar. Which is interesting, considering a few weeks ago I was touting an Anwar/Nadia finale. There's just something about him that says "send me home, please, I don't want to be here anymore."
And they will. But not this week. I think AI voters will once again infuriate me with their choice and send Vonzell home tonight. Which will be really sad. I hope I'm wrong. This is one week I'll be happy not to get the batteries.
April 12, 2005
And Then There Were 8
Coming up at 8pm EST....another Tuesday, another live blog plus peanut gallery goodness. Honestly, the comments (on the night of the show, at least) are often better than what I write.
A short side note: We are not American Idol sycophants. We are not drooling fans of any of the contestants. We can be mean. We can be snarky. We tend to be a bit negative sometimes. If all this bothers you, as it obviously does some people, may I suggest you try the American Idol message boards, where the company there (i.e., drooling, crazed, stalkerish fan girls) will be more to your liking.
I heard a rumor about tonight's theme. If it's true, this is going to be torture for me.
And here we go. Someone just kick Seacrest in the nuts. Already.
Ok, my rumor was not true (thought it was going to be country. Theme is: Songs From the Year You Were Born. Interesting!
Nadia first..She obviously realized that sultry worked for her last week. Voice-wise, at least. She looks like she's wearing jammies. This is a nice performance. But just..nice. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing WOW. Pretty, though.
I should mention that I have an intense allergy headache and, like Faith, a very stuffy head tonight. Clouds not only my hearing, but my patience and tolerance.
OMFG!!! He's doing FREEEEEEBIRD! WHAT SONG IS IT YOU WANNA HEAR?? Daring choice! I like it. This is so good for him. He's smoking.
Jeebus. He was born the year I was sitting in the back of school smoking pot and rocking out to Skynyrd?? That was incredibly brave and I LIKED IT, just for the balls factor alone.
Does Simon think there are that many people that don't know FREEBIRD??? Dumb Limey.
Anwar up and doing another female singer song. Weird. I don't know what happened, I just lost my love for Anwar. Everything he does seems sort of bland and run of the mill to me now. And here he goes with his standard forumula. Start off slow and low key, finish big. Just not feeling Anwar tonight. I'm not saying it was bad, it was just not a great performance for this late in the contest.
Hall and Oates in the hizzzouse! MANEATER!
Oh nice choice by Anthony with the Paul Young song. Too bad he's already lame in my book.
Jesus, only Anthony can make this song sound like the theme from WKRP in Cincinatti. He's just too bland, to common, too....boring. THere is NOTHING special about Anthony except for his poor, sick immigrant story.
Vonzell going with a peppy dance tune. Could be good. She's been my favorite lately. Her stage presence has improved SO much since the beginning. And her voice sounds sparkling tonight. Just great. Lively, on key, strong. She has risen to the top of her game while many of the other contestants are faltering.
Scott, doing a Hall and Oates song. I just LOATHE this man. He just called himself a rocker. Riiiiiight.
Well, not his worst performance. But I just can't bring myself to say anything good about him. And there really wasn't much good to say about this. OFF. KEY.
Ian has the comment of the evening: I gotta hand to Savol. Most people don't have an answer for "you beat your baby mama, how do you follow that up and make people hate you more?"
Carrie up. Doing some Benetar. Niiiice change of pace for her. Does anyone else automatically think of that Billie Jean movie when they hear this song?
I'm digging this. Carrie is really showing a different side of her. Not a spot on rendition of the song, but she's showing how strong her voice is and she, like Bo, has balls. So to speak. I think it rocked.
Constantine coming up. Bohemian Raphsody and Freebird on the same night?
ACKACKACK HORRRRRRRIBLE! WTF is he DOING to this song?? He's doing Freddy Mercury as if he were in Rocky Horror.
They all liked it. I thought it was off key and Constantine made it sound like a freaking EMO song.
We're either voting for Vonzell or Carrie tonight. Haven't decided yet.
(I just watched it again and I don't think Simon's astonishing was meant in a good way)
Could it be just 24 hours until we say good bye to Scott? Fingers crossed.
April 06, 2005
Oh yay. Fantasia.
I think this is the only song she's come up with in a year. And has she put out a record? Anyone heard from her? Or has she been relegated to the daytime talk show circuit and AI related functions?
I hate these commercial/songs.
I cannot look at Scott without breaking out in hives.
And here we go.
Nikko: Whoa, bottom three right away. He did blow last night.
WHAT? What the hell is wrong with you people. Vonzell does NOT belong in the bottom three. You people SUCK. SUCK.
Well at fucking last. Scott in the bottom.
But the bottom three right away? That's weird.
Oh shut UP Paula.
YESSS Vonzell is safe!
And why wasn't Federov in the bottom three? I guess Faith was right...Federov has indeed over played the poor sick immigrant card, but probably not to the poor sick immigrant population.
Pleasepleaseplease let Scott go.
What. The. Fuck.
This is so wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
No batteries for anyone. No dignity, either.
For everyone who voted for Scott: YOu should be ashamed of yourselves.
And hopefully gone.
My fingers are crossed that American has seen enough of pasty faced Scott Savol. But will I bet my batteries on it? Nope. Been burned too many times in the past by America's idiocy and I really, really need those batteries tonight.
My guesses at the bottom three: Scott, Federov and Nadia. Not that I didn't like Nadia's performance - I'm just trying to read the minds of the masses. And that's hard. Like reading empty space.
I think Federov has played his poor, sick immigrant card as far it's going to carry him and he'll be headed out tonight. I'm ok with that choice - I really don't like his voice. But I'd be much happier if I never had to look at the creeptastic Savol again.
April 05, 2005
And Then There Were 9
It's Tuesday and we're back. Tonight's theme is......(waiting)
March 30, 2005
Meanwhile, a PSA. Comments on live blog posts will close after 24 hours because you people are whack.
Oh geez. The group song is giving me really bad childhood flashbacks. Nooo, don't make me wear the bellbottoms!
Constantine is sporting some package in those tight jeans.
The audience is actually swaying. Someone break out the Bic lighters and hand the world a Coke.
Nikko - safe
Constantine - sigh. safe.
Carrie - safe, of course.
Bo - safe
Nadia - bottom three AGAIN!
Jessica with the puppet mouth - Bottom three!
Scott - What. The. Fuck? SAFE.
America, you SUCK.
It has to be Anthony in the final three. Can't be Vonzell, she was too strong this week and Anwar still has a strong fan base.
Holy shite, Anthony is safe and Anwar is in the bottom three!
It's just bizarre that a couple of weeks ago, I thought it would be Nadia and Anwar in the final.
And I get NO BATTERIES tonight.
Ok So Nadia is safe.
It's got to be Jessica. Daughter is insisting it's Anwar because of his inconsistency.
Surprsingly, I'm not going to be upset if it's Anwar. There's just something off about the guy. He started to weird me out about two weeks ago.
I still can't believe that Scott is staying, though. Some people should NOT have phones. Just saying.
Jessica goes home. Not a big surprise. I think I get like a triple A battery out of the deal.
Tanya is THE BATTERY CHAMPION this week. Go, Tanya!
See y'all next week.
Charge Those Batteries!
Ok, I really, really want my batteries this week. In fact, I don't think batteries are going to be enough. I want the whole shebang.
My vision for the bottom three:
Scott, Anthony and Jessica.
Everyone else has a pretty large, established fan base already. But I can definitely see Anwar making an appearance in the bottom three next week if he doesn't pull some magic out of his ass.
Going home? Well, I wish it were Constantine, who strikes me as a very Eddie Haskell, phony, creep but there are too many female voters who will vote for him based on how much they hump the couch when he sings. After last night's performance, I felt a great disturbance in the force. As if....a billion batteries were charged at once...
And don't think you get off scott free, guys. I know what you're doing when Carrie's singing. I know.
Anyhow. Let's all say bye-bye to Scott, who will now be free to go play with the Crips and Bloods. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.
March 29, 2005
And Then There Were 10
Live blogging of tonight's performance coming up at 8PM EST.
And tonight's theme is....
March 24, 2005
3/24 Elimination Night
I've got a bottle of wine in front me, ready to celebrate the 30 minute Mikalah Farewell Tour.
If she does not go tonight, you will pry those batteries out of my cold, dead hands.
[For newcomers, you're going to have to research the battery reference on your own, because I don't remember when it first started]
Have a look at all the other Idol Tongues predictions:
Robyn is looking for a Carrie-esque end for Mikalah
Seki's farewell to Mik is short and uh..sweet.
Broken wants to send Miki back to Joisey.
Tanya says It...won't...be...long
And Faith is the lone dissenter in this court. She's hoping to wave bye-bye to Anthony.
Stay tuned - show begins now.
Oh yay. Group song time. Now's the time to go pee, folks.
Nikko, safe. Constantine, safe. Bo, safe. Carrie, safe. No surprises, of course.
WHoa! Nadia in the bottom three!!! I knew she was getting weaker each time, but I still think she was strong enough to not end up in the bottom. Weird. No neck is safe. YESSSSSSSSSSS Mikalah in the bottom three! Scott safe and Nadia NOT? America, why do you hate TALENT?
It's gotta be Anthony....
And Seacrest does his stupid commercial trick again. New material, Seacrest. New material.
And no suprise, Anthony in the bottom three.
OHMYGOD. Nadia got LESS VOTES THAN ANYTHONY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???
Chances are pretty durn good that Miki is going home after the break.
I am STUNNED, America. Stunned at your lack of judgment and your bad, bad taste.
MIKALAH FINALLY GOES HOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Break out the pig's blood!
Oh someone shove a sock down her throat, please. And only she can pout and sing at the same time.
She'll be back with a talk show. Guaranteed.
And now stay tuned for Life on a Stick, sure to be the greatest sitcom this side of Small Wonder.
Now give me my batteries. I've got a date with Hello Kitty.
And we finally get down to the business of saying good-bye to Mikalah.
I think the bottom three will be Scott, Anthony and Mikalah, with our favorite Fran Drescher clone finally, at long last, hallelujah, getting the boot.
March 23, 2005
Bo and Constantine: 15 Years Later
I was thinking about Bo and Constantine and what the future holds for them.
[insert wavy lines here]
New Jersey, circa 2020
Constantine Mouralis has been hitting the bat Mitzvah circuit hard and heavy. He's always introduced as "One Time American Idol Contestant Constantine!" and the crowd of thirteen year old kids shrug while the older women hoot, holler and blow kisses at the one time heart-throb. Mouralis does a mixture of rock and pop, once in a while trying to sneak in a song from his former rock band Pray For The Soul of Betty - the band that broke up right after Constantine lost in the final rounds on American Idol . The rock stuff doesn't go over too well with the bat Mitzvah crowd, but Connie -as the ladies call him - knows how to sway those hips and purse those lips so that the old ladies don't complain. Mouralis always ends his one man show the same way - on bended knee, belting out the last notes of Burt Bacharach's This Guy's In Love With You, grabbing the wrinkled hand of Aunt Selma as he gives her a sly wink. If you make Aunt Selma happy, you make the bat Mitzvah parents happy, and that means a bigger tip at the end of the night. The sad part is that more often than not, Connie will have sipped one too many gin and tonics during his performance and he'll actually try to get Aunt Selman to go home with him. Sometimes he succeeds. And sometimes he wakes up with a strong desire to swallow a bottle of cyanide.
Several miles away at the MTV studios in New York, Bo Bice is in make-up, getting ready for another stint on Metal Flashback. Bo had a seminal hit back in 2006 with Wouldn't it Be Bice, an album comprised of death metal versions of Beach Boys songs (Good Vibrations went to number one) but has had a hard time cracking the Billboard charts since. His frequent appearances on MTV shows and VH1 series like I Love the 2000s filled a void left when Scott Ian retired from the music channel filler show circuit.
We look forward to this summer's American Idol 2005 Reunion Tour, and we hope that Scott Savol will be released from jail (where he is being held on gang-related charges) in time for the show.
I think that bordered on fanfic. I need a shower.
From the IdolonFox site:
IMPORTANT PROGRAM NOTE CHANGE Due to an error with the graphics shown on-screen (incorrect voting numbers were displayed) during the performance recap at the end of last night’s AMERICAN IDOL, a live, one-hour show will air tonight, Wednesday, March 23 9/8c on FOX, to enable a re-vote. This new show will combine new live elements with encores of Tuesday’s performances from the remaining 11 contestants.
Phone lines will open at the conclusion of tonight's show and will remain open for two hours to give viewers the chance to vote for their favorite contestants and keep them in the competition. Only the voting results from tonight’s show will determine who received the lowest number of votes and will be sent home this week. Tune in to see who America has chosen to stay and who is sent home on the live results show tomorrow, Thursday, March 24 9/8c live on FOX.
NEW LIVE SHOW & ENCORE PERFORMANCES THEN RE-VOTE - TONIGHT 9/8c
LIVE RESULTS SHOW - TOMORROW 9/8c
Well. This certainly will be used for some sour grapes later on in the competition, don't you think?
This also means no batteries for any of us tonight! I'm going to hold off on making my elimination predictions until I see how they work this show tonight.
On the bright side - an extra night of looking at Paula and Mikalah!
Update: I'm hearing that the singers will peform LIVE rather than the show airing tapes of last night. Anyone else hear this? That would be weird. Not to mention wrong.
My favorite line from the AI message boards today:
I think the best solution would be to just ask Mikalah if she would like to be put out of her misery.
And, as many people have pointed out, the real losers are those who were waiting patiently for tonight's world premiere of Life on a Stick, which will now be pre-empted.
Read that how you may.
March 22, 2005
And Then There Were 11
Welcome to tonight's live blogging of AI.
And tonight's theme is................Billboard Number One Hits.
March 17, 2005
Fun With Idol
A walk through the wonderful world of AI items on eBay -
March 16, 2005
Another One Bites The Dust
We've all made our picks. Take a look around the site while we wait for the show to start.
Oh lord. I forgot about the group song thing. Must they torture us like this? The results show should be fifteen minutes long. Tops.
Someone get my Bic. Well thank jeebus that's over.
Of course, Constantine stays. Smarmy bastard.
Nadia's hair looks good like that.
Seacrest is a dick. Seriously.
Federov: In, but not for long I'm betting.
Lindsey: BOTTOM THREE BABY!
Bo: In, of course
Scott: Safe. There is no justice.
Mikalah: TAKE A SEAT ON THE BENCH!
Jessica: Bottom 3
So we've got Lindsey, Mikalah and Jessica in the bottom three.
I know I picked Lindsey, but I swear, I will do handstands if it's Mikalah.
Ok, Jessica is safe. I'm happy no matter how this turns out.
You know, the pretend drama has really gotten old after three years of it.
I AM THE WINNER! Lindsey is going home.
I would have preferred Mikalah to go, but I do like being right. Faith and Robyn were also right, and we get....
Have fun, girls.
And now, we exit quietly as we watch Lindsey get tortured by having to sing in front of a tv audience that hated her.
Hasta La Vista Prediction
Should go: Scott
Will go: Lindsey
I just don't see Lindsey having that big of a fan base. I know Scott must have a larege contingent of lonely housewives making calls for him. How else do you explain him still being in it?
Mario Vasquez on Letterman
Mario did a Top Ten sequence last night on David Letterman.
March 15, 2005
And Then There Were 12
Are you ready for some Idol? We'll be here at 8pm EST, bringing you live snark and derision.
And I'm not going to be bothered speculating about Mario. He's gone. Let's move on and concentrate on the 12 that are here. But say, wouldn't it be kind of funny if Nikko was the first of the 12 to get voted off?
Yea, yea. THe new set is nice.
Well at least they're not treating us like total idiots and they said something about Mario.
And tonight's theme is: The 60's I love the themes. Makes the kids stretch a bit.
Jessica is up first, doing Shop Around
Either my digital cable is messing up, or the sync is off on the sound.
She's really nothing special. Didn't thrill me, didn't make me hate her. Just...average. Not, say, top 5 material.
Anwar up next, singing This House is Not a Home. Tymara (sp) sang this first season. So my daughter tells me.
Not a great song choice for Anwar. I thought he'd choose something more..peppy. My least favorite Anwar performance so far.
These people should know by now that Simon likes risk takers.
Mikalah, my least favorite person, doing Son of a Preacher Man.
She has totally changed her look. TOTALLY. Her best performance yet, but that's not saying much. Gone is the nasally tone, the frumpy look...but I still can't like her. Still, depsite improvement, nothing special. Ugh, must she talk?
Constantine doing You Make Me So Very Happy.
This is the best his voice has sounded, but he still has that Daffy Duck sort of speech impedement. And he's just so damn smarmy. Eh. Go home, Connie.
Lindsey doing Knock on Wood. (I love the disco version of this song)
She has done NOTHING for me this entire competition and she is keeping that streak going right now. Tries too hard to get that deep effect to her voice.
Anthony doing Breaking Up is Hard to Do
Do I like anyone in this competition? Anthony is another one who's just like a wet rag.
This isn't bad though....For me, this was his most impressive performance.
And now Randy brings out the "hotel" cliche. I guess if I didn't like Anthony all along, it didn't take much for me to think he sounded good. He's not finalist material, but he didn't embarass himself.
Nadia doing You Don't Have to Say You Love Me - good choice, I think.
She is sssssmokin. Wow. Stellar peformance. Flawless.
Hamburgers? Hahaha. Oh, Simon. You are such a walking cliche.
Bo doing Spinning Wheel.
Good choice. I like him. I really like him. He's got....something going on. Something good.
Vonzell singing Anyone Who Had a Heart
This song is beyond her reach. She just doesn't have it.
Nadia and Bo make this show worth watching. Everyone else is just filler.
Scott, doing Ain't Too Proud to Beg. Gee, how original.
Scott does NOT belong here. He's got all the charisma of Napoleon Dynamite in that dance scene. Are his eyes open or closed? Ok, it ws TERRIBLE, but he's got NO personality.
Mostly in tune? I can't believe Randy gave him props for that. At this point in the competition, shouldn't he be ALL in tune?
Carrie "Thank god I'm a country girl" Underwood doing When Will I Be Loved.
She really needs to get out of the country rut. Stretch it Carrie. Show us you can do something else. I'm finding her rather...average. The audience apparently finds something more.
Replacement man Nikko up, doing I Want You Back
Buh bye, Nikko. Back where you were just two days ago. Sorry for teasing you like this.
Ok, maybe it's just me. Everyone seems to adore this guy, I don't see anything special about him.
Yes, thank you, Simon.
And that's it for tonight. My daughter is voting for Constantine. I'm putting a call in for Bo to negate her rocker vote. Heh.
Y'all come back tomorrow for the results show. I'll make my prediction before the show starts, but I'm looking at you, Jessica.
March 13, 2005
Mario Leaves American Idol [Updated]
American Idol 4 top 12 finalist Mario Vazquez withdrew himself from the competition on March 13th, stating personal reasons for his decision. Mario was a fan favorite and expected to do very well this year, possibly even capturing the title of American Idol 4 Winner.
Inside sources tell me that Mario was unhappy and felt like this was not the place for him. He was having a difficult time in many areas and although he appreciated this opportunity, he chose to leave
Nikko Smith, who was the last male contestant to be eliminated from the show will take Marios vacant top 12 spot and continue in the competition this year.
If you'll take a look at the Idol contestant page, you'll see Nikko's photo where Mario's used to be.
Thanks to Greg for the heads up on this.
So what does this mean? It means that Bo's chances of being in the final round just got higher. I originally thought it would be Anwar and Mario as the final two - now with Mario gone, Bo has a chance to get in there.
More here .
Vazquez tells “Extra” that, “It was a very, very hard decision on my part…‘American Idol’ was only positive and wonderful with me…but overall, my intuition told me there was things I really needed to take care of, personal areas in my life that I’m trying to keep private…to me that meant that I couldn’t continue on with the competition.” Vazquez goes on to say, “Everything is great! I’ll be expecting some bad press and some good press, but that’s what comes with being in the public.”
So what's Mario running from?
Somebody is up to no good! (Thanks, Skillzy)
March 09, 2005
You are the weakest link! (Elimination Night)
We've made our picks. Now let's see who gets the batteries. Go check around the site and see who we all picked.
Whoa. Lindsey moves on! Stacy and I just lost a battery. (I'm not explaining the batteries thing. It's from past elimination nights)
I freaking knew he was going to do that. Constantine and Bo remain. Of course - it makes for good tv. They can play up the little rivalry between them.
Only this show can make a half hour feel like ten.
After the break: Prediction. Janay and Mikalah go home. Travis and Scott go home.
Oh, Seacrest putting the judges on the spot. And of course, Paula wimps out.
Wow. Never expected Scott to make it through. I am SO out of batteries tonight.
Nikko and Travis go home.
OhgoddamnfuckinghellNOOOO. Another freaking weak of The Nanny.
Goodbye Ms. Deer In The Headlights and bitchface Amanda.
Well, it's an interesting top 12, at least. Should be some good drama queen acts.
I'm going to take my one battery and comfort myself with it.
Tomorrow, I'll have something up about the final 12 and the rest of the competition.
Predictions and Wishful Thinking
Faith and Stacy have both posted their predictions for tonight, as well as who they want to go home. I'll do the same.
I would be thrilled if I never had to look at Janay and Mikalah again. But I'm torn - I can't stand Lindsey or Amanda either. Can I stick pins in all of them?
As for who I think will be voted off as opposed to who I want to physically kick off the stage?
Say buh-bye to Janay and Lindsey.
Boys: This is a tough one. I'd like to see Scott, Anthony and Constantine go. Scott and Anthony seem like nice enough people, but I've had enough of their nancy boy voices. And Constantine? He's just a dick. He's smarmy, egotistical and annoying as hell.
Who is going to go?
Travis and Scott.
I am so looking forward to the themes.
March 08, 2005
Amanda up first. Again, I just don't like her, so I'm not going to have anything nice to say about her.
Ok, I figured this out. She reminds me of this bitch I went to junior high with.
She's too squeaky for me. And either the sound is bad, or she's out of breath in some places. Not good enough for the final 12.
I can't get past her freaked-out-all-the-time look.
ACK. OFF. KEY.
She is just godfuckingawful. No other way to put it.
Why can't Paula just say "you sucked" and get on with it? She needs to get over this penchant for being nice to everyone. If these people want to be stars, they better learn how to take criticism. So stop freaking coddling them.
Carrie, one of the few marginally talented girls left, is up now.
The sparkly boobs are a nice touch.
That was nice. But I wish she would sing something with more power. When she sings quietly, she sounds nervous. I do like her. However, she needs a stylist. A fashion update. Something besides sparkly boobs.
Vonzell, coming up.
Why do people do these songs over and over again. Once again, I must say that these people have no BALLS. And who dressed her? Debra Winger?
Not as good as last week, which was her best week. She won't get voted off this week, but she's no finalist. She's cute, though. I like her personality.
Nadia coming up. She's been my favorite girl since the start, but her star fell a little bit last week. I hope she can come back strong tonight.
Ok, I'm digging this. Go, Nadia! Stage presence, personality, good looks, nice legs and a voice that kicks ass.
Lindsey up now.
Ick. About five notes in and she made me cringe. And that is the Frumpiest. Outfit. Ever.
You know, one of these girls should do some Lita Ford.
I want to punch Randy in the face for every time he's ever said aight.
Oh hell no. Mikalah is doing one of my favorite songs.
I'm sticking toothpicks in my ears now.
I moved on to stabbing my eardrums with ice picks.
THE EAR PLUGS, THEY DO NOTHING!
Flat, nasally, emotionless.
I want Randy or Paula to just come out and say 'YOU SUCKED!'
And for the love of show tunes, please stop calling it a Barbra Streisand song. It's from West Side Story. Long before Babs tried to make it her own.
Jessica, the bar babe, is up.
That was interesting. I still feel like I'm in a bar when she's singing, though. Beer, anyone?
That's it for tonight. Come back tomorrow night when we finally say goodbye to Janay.
March 07, 2005
3/7 Boys Night Out
You can read my take on Bo v. Constantine here.
Scott's up first and he's doing one of those "safe" songs. If I had a dollar for every contestant that did this song over the years, I would be out for a steak dinner and not here.
That was LAME. It's all downhill from here, Scott.
Oh come ON, guys. At this point in the show, you should not be singing Sugar Pie Honey Bunch. Sorry. Next.
It's Bo Bice time. He has a lot to live up to.
Hmmm, ballad? What is this song?
Well, his voice sounds great and he's showing his range, which is I suppose what it's all about. I really have come to like Bo. His voice is smooth and he has a great stage presence.
On review, that was pretty damn awesome.
HAHAHA when he first said BABY, I thought he was doing the theme song from WKRP in Cincinatti.
What is that thing on his jacket? And why do I close my eyes and think I'm in some Miami Vice decorated club in the 80's and George Michael is on the jukebox and we're all yawning?
I'm sorry Paula and Dawg man, I think he's just white bread bland.
Oh and SNAP by Simon! The Wiggles!
Ok, I'll give Anthony props. It wasn't horrible. But it was not winning material either. I think he did buy himself another week, though.
Ok. Several weeks into this thing, I'm just about ready to hunt Hootie down, chop him up and serve him at the BK drive thru window.
Nikko Smith doing Georgia. This could be a mistake.
You've got have power and emotion to pull this song off. He has neither. At the part where he should have powered up, he changed the key.
Ok, hit hit the last notes, but I still think he's going home this week.
Oh PLEASE. Randy is falling all over him. It wasn't wonderful. It was OK. And OK does not win this competition.
I'm really sick of Constantine's mug.
Travis up now. Bobby Brown?
Well this is different, that's for sure. Kudos for him for going out on a limb like this.
I like him in spite of myself. I think he's got a nice stage presence, a smooth voice. He's not making me scream, but I like. Not finalist material, but good for another week or two.
Simon was a bit harsh on him. And he's got to stop trying to come up with clever comparisons.
Mario coming up. He's got to do something really horrendous to disappoint at this juncture.
I like this song. Let's see what he does with it.
He is SMOOOOOTH. He's not really reaching, not extending himself, and he's still sounding good. And looking good.
HOWEVER. I think that the finals will be very interesting. Bo could really challenge Mario for that last spot next to Anwwar (just a little predicting there).
Constantine and Anwar next. At this point (this very second) I can't imagine anyone but Anwar winning the whole thing. I'm anxious to see what Constantine pulls out of his hat tonight. Will he rock? Will he croon? Will he SUCK?
OH my goodness. He's doing THE POLICE. He needed to come out and ROCK tonight.
Wow. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG CHOICE. I feel like I'm watching a high school talent show.
Suck it, Constantine. You're going home.
Ok, Randy's out of his fucking mind. Is it me? Am I just imagining the suckitude of that performance?
Go, Simon! Go, Simon! At least someone on that show isn't doing crack in between takes.
Last but not least, Anwar. No matter what he does tonight, he's safe.
Nice song choice. Weird arrangement. Nice performance. Very, very nice. The man is a star. He's got it ALL going on. Everything. He's going to have to kill a kitten on stage at this point to not win it.
And that's it for tonight. Looks like Anwar is still the favorite. I'm looking at Scott and Constantine going home this week. If not Constantine, Nikko.
See you for the girls tomorrow night.
March 02, 2005
Round Two - Goin' Home
Thank jebus tonight is only one half hour. Let's see how they play this.
Some of us have made our predictions, so look around to the site to see who's getting batteries tonight (joke from last week).
Round Two Elimination Picks
Tanya and Faith beat me to it today - but I'm not reading their posts until I make my picks:
Girls: Amanda and Janay
I'd prefer to see Lindsey, Mikalah or Jessica go, but I think they all bought themselves one more week, at least.
Guys: David, who put me to sleep, and Scott. Scott was a favorite in the beginning, but he's gone downhill ever since. Personally, I think Anthony should go, but he's still got a lock with those Clay Aiken fans, so he'll get by for another week.
March 01, 2005
Girls Night out 3/1
The boys rocked the house last night - can the girls match their performance?
Me, I'm not holding my breath. With the exception of Carrie, Aloha and Nadia, the girls are weak. And Aloha better have toned down the girl-on-the-street vibe if I'm going to keep pulling for her.
I'm in bitch mode tonight. It's been one of those days. So stay tuned for an hour of me having no patience with the AI girls (or Paula) tonight.
Tanya is doing her take over here.
February 28, 2005
Boys Night Out - 2/28
The boys are back and we'll be here to diss and discuss.
10 guys left - Jared and Judd were the dearly departed last week.
Mario is up first and he's gonna boogie down.
February 23, 2005
Time To Send Them Packing
My favorite part of the show. Thinning the herd. It's time.
Of course, first we have to have a recap, then Seacrest belaboring a point, then Seacrest spreading the drama thin....
An hour of dragging this out. Didn't the results show used to be a half hour? There's only so much forced drama I can take before I get bored.
I think this is the last time I'll live blog a results show. The stretching it out gets on my last nerve.
Well, Melinda is gone. No big surprise. And I earned a battery pack! (See the comments for reference)
Wake me when the rest of this is over.
Love this part. "Hey, you lost, you're the first to be sent packing and no one showed you the love. But dance for us, monkey!"
My daughter has a bunch of friends over watching. They're more entertaining than the show.
Apparently, Bo looks like a stray cat with a lopsided head. Had to be there, I guess.
And the guys....
Jared goes home. MORE BATTERIES FOR ME!
Ok, Janay is safe so no more batteries for me.
Sara goes home - I didn't like her from the beginning. She's too hung up on how she looks.
And Judd is out.
After all these years, Seacrest still hasn't figured out a way to do this with tact.
[clarification] - I don't mean the way it was done. That just SUCKED. I just think Seacrest needs to work on his tone a bit.
Round One Elimination Predictions
I put my finger on the pulse of the AI audience by listening to my teenage daughter and her friends discuss their favorites. Judging by that, and taking into consideration my own judgments on the contestants, these are my picks for who will be shedding tears this evening:
Girls going bye-bye:Janay Castine and Melinda Lira
Guys going home: David Brown and Jared Yates
Make your predictions here!
February 22, 2005
Girls Night Out 2/22
Here's a list of the girls in the running:
February 21, 2005
Guys Night Out 2-21
Yep, I'll be live blogging the show tonight. Stay tuned.
Because it matters so much to you, I know.
Suprisingly to some, I am not picking Constantine. Sure, I've been all over him from the start, but while I may be a bit smitten by him, I'm not blind to the fact that he got where he is on chutzpah alone and he does not have the talent - nor the personality - to take it to the American Idol limit.
My three guys:
Joseph Muren (I pick him mainly because he's a Long Islander and we work on the same court system. I know, how qualifying).
My three gals:
Mikalah Gordon - She really won me over last week. Her giddiness and sheer happiness at being selected was really charming.
Carrie Underwood - She will be a star some day, even if she doesn't win this thing.
I'll be live blogging tonight at 8pm (EST). I'm ready to get this voting started.
February 17, 2005
The Final 24
Below, the list of the final 24 contestants. Who are you pulling for?
February 16, 2005
2/17 Notes [updated]
Yea, you probably found Mikalah annoying, but I thought that whole thing was just adorable.
Yolanda Faith? Seek therapy.
You know, I do feel sorry for some of these people. But getting cut from American Idol is NOT the end of the world. And blaming everyone but yourself for your loss is not going to endear you to record company people who may be watching. Or any future fans.
And yay for my Dreadlock guy.
Well, you just knew Mario was going through. NO real suprises so far tonight.
Shit. That stupid rock guy made it, so Constantine probably won't.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONSTANTINE GOES THROUGH!!!!!!
I am a happy American Idol camper tonight.
Update: That was Faith, not Yolanda who needs the therapy. Jesus, girl. You should be an actress, not a singer.
And I'm glad at least one of my AI colleagues agrees that Mikalah is awesome.
February 09, 2005
Wednesday Night Drama
Live from Hollywood! Ok, live from my living room.
All the previews for tonight's show make it look like drama central - but we'll see if the hype lives up to the reality. Ready?
It's group action tonight, with the contestants being forced to peform with each other.
Of course, they do this not for any talent judging reasons, but to force antagonism and conflict. Which seems to be working.
Constantine is a dead ringer for the lead singer of this group.
[Live blogging may be a bit slow tonight due to other obligations]
Wooo! Constantine goes through!
Rachel/Carrie/Elizabeth 0 for 3 from me. Horrid.
Rachel and Carrie stay and YES, Elizabeth the Honk Kong Hooker (see failinator) goes home.
My boy Mario is up now. And Anwar, my other favorite. I like this whole trio. And they all make it through!
Next up, Janay, Gina and Natalie. None of them do much for me. Maybe I'm just biased against the chicks?
Natalie goes home, the other two stay.
Aaron = Danzig light. That's not a compliment. His whole group sucked.
Paula is whining again about not getting her way. Timothy stays, Danzig and his buddy go home, Simon and Paula hug and world peace breaks out.
February 08, 2005
2/8 Idol Chatter
Live, from Hollywood! Finally. So glad the audition stage is over, as I couldn't stand to hear from another Stevie Wonder crooning/William Hung imitating/Kelly Clarkson wannabe.
Like our new format?
And we're of....
Kerry: No oomph
Tamesha: Off key. NO way.
Is it me or are all these girls off tonight?
Kerry makes it, so does Sarah, Tamesha goes home. I missed the rest. Don't people know not to call me during the show?
Anthony of the heartwarming story is up - I really love his voice, even if he is a Clay lookalike.
Michael - he sounds like he has lockjaw.
Yay, Anthony made it, Michael didn't. Good choices. And we don't have to listen to Paula as much this round, which makes for much more pleasant viewing.
The chick with the wedding ring is coming up. FAIL, BABY, FAIL!
Rashida, poor girl has a cold. I feel bad for her, but she still sounded better than half the people who auditioned.
She made it. Good, I didn't want to have to pity the girl.
Amanda. HATE her. I don't know why, I just want to kick her in the teeth.
They both made it.
I clean up well???
Oh god. It's the Molfetta. He SUCKS. Just. Plain. Sucks.
Oh thank jeebus, Molfetta is GONE!
Ok, so I jumped the gun when I said we wouldn't have to hear any more Stevie Wonder crooning.
Like Nadia, glad she made it. I like Scott the pudgy face guy, too. And the dread head guy. All my faves are going in!
Shanta's got a nice voice, but that 70's blue eye shadow has got to go. She looks like a freaking clown.
Regina: If I can't express myself, I'll probably die.
Nope, not gonna say it.
YES! GO HOME, BEEYOTCH!
Some of my other faves coming up, including Constantine and the blue haired opera girl.
Patrick? Did you forget to pack your balls?
I think I'm in love with Mario.
Francisco - eh. Too much teeth.
Mario is in!
Patrick is not.
Franc goes home.
Here come the rockers.
Aaron. Bo. Constantine.
And all of them get through.
Briana the opera girl: Too Broadway, I don't think she can pull off pop music. She's too good for pop, anyhow. And she's going home.
Mikala- I DESPISE her.
And that's it for tonight - tomorrow looks full of drama and angst. Just like we like it.
February 02, 2005
2/2 Idol Chatter
Tonight's auditions are from San Fran - the guest judge is Brandy.
First up - Albert and his ego.
No thank you. Move out the way, Albert.
2. I wasn't looking at the tv and thought it was a girl talking.
Yikes. I think my neighbor's cat just died. OH, that poor guy. I think he really believed in himself.
3. Jamie: Left My Heart guy - Wow. I like.
4. Guy with the hat - nice voice, but no ooomph. Of course, Paula like him. He just seems to plain to me.
They liked the hat guy better? WHY? Thank jeebus for Simon, the only one with sense.
5. Please. Spare me. I don't care what her voice sounds like, she's a hobag who will be recognized by the back of her head some day.
6. Justin and his mom. Nice voice. Crazy ass mom.
"Thank God, I can live vicariously through my son!!!" Holy chill pill, lady. Now I want this guy to go on the failinator, thanks to his mom's hystrionics.
7. Michael, who is in touch with his essence.
I think his essence just took a shit all over him.
8. Christopher, who is going for a Napoleon Dynamite look. But doing original rap. This should be fun.
Two words for Christopher: Snow. Informer.
And once again, Paula is on CRACK.
9. Well, she's got the look of a star in the making. Nice voice. Nothing snarky to say about her.
10. Guy with sunglasses - once again, thank you for nothing, William Hung.
11. Jessica. Oh yawn. More Whitney. And there go my windows. And she is not what we call reality-based.
Ok, they just got punked. From Fark:
That white rapper "Christopher Noll" was definitely comedian Chris Wylde, whose real last name is Noll.
12. Cruise ship, opera singer guy. Doing Aretha Franklin.
I think his voice just gave me a seizure.
13. Ivan. Doing Queen.
I've sung this song better. After drinking 12 shots of Sambuca. Really.
They think he sounded just like him? These people are insane. Because I know I'm not.
I love Simon. And I miss LL.
Ok, the cow jokes were funny.
14. And it's the nightly Molfetta brother show.
Orlando. Home of the boy bands. Go there.
And that's another week of AI. Look for new entries on the Failinator and Successinator tomorrow.
February 01, 2005
2/1 Idol Chatter
Welcome back for another night of Idol chatter.
Tonight's auditions are from Orlando and Cleveland.
LL Cool J in the HOUSE!
You'll notice a few new additions to the right sidebar - the Failinator and the Successinator. Let's see if anyone gets added to either chart tonight.
Keep it here for live Idol talk for the next hour.
1: And we start off with another person who thinks that singing through your nose is effective.
Either I'm a really bad judge of what's good or they're just letting the most mediocre people in this year.
2: (Sarah) Eek! Not a bad voice, but she looks like she just crawled out from under a bridge.
LL has the greatest smile. Just thought I'd share that.
3. (Scott) Smooooth voice. I like. A lot.
::sniff:: that was touching.
5. Mime - dumb ass gimmick. Stupid. Attention. Whore. Simon should get up, kick her in the box and shove her off the stage.
6. Pat the Farm Boy - Is that a mustache or dirt? Nice voice, though. Randy needs to stop saying "you can blow" to these people.
And another set of siblings coming through.
7. Lashanda - Oh, hells no.
8. Leandra - Just...no comment. Why do these families keep telling their kids/sisters/brothers that they are talented?
It pains LL to say no. He's not cut out for rejecting people.
9. Bree - What. The. Hell. Ok..good voice, but that's not really American Idol stuff, is it? Well, it will be interesting to see how she works that voice in the rest of the competition. I think I like her.
10. Anthony - the feel good story of 2005!
He'll be in the finals.
11. White boys! I love this song. But NOT sung like this. Holy shit, I don't even recognize it. Somebody rip her vocal chords out, please.
Two quick contestants a so-so girl and a guy doing a horrid job with a Darkness song.
12. Nice voice. Not spectacular, but nice. But, as Ian points out in the comments - a total Whitney.
13. Desmond - See, I don't like him. And I just know they will. Well, Randy and Paula will.
Jeez, end it already.
After three years or however long , Paula just doesn't get it.
QUIT. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF JEEBUS, QUIT, PAULA! Better than James Brown? And the What Is Paula On Tonight watch goes to......CRACK.
She is out of her freaking MIND and Randy is no better. If I was Simon I would kick them both in the head. Hard. Twice.
And that's a wrap for tonight. I need to go make a Paula voodoo doll.
January 26, 2005
Bad, bad Leroy
My favorite performer of last evening, Leroy Wells, aka ODB, won't be coming back for another try. He's in jail.
While millions of American Idol fans kept it locked into Leroy, Leroy was locked up behind bars for failing to appear in court.
The 22-year-old Grand Bay, Alabama native wowed fans with his rendition of "Got Your Money" by O-D-B. Even though he wasn't able to watch his performance from home, sheriff’s deputies tell NBC 15 they did allow Leroy and other inmates to watch American Idol from jail.
Mobile Police spokesman Marcus Young says Leroy Wells was arrested earlier this month for reportedly shooting a hand gun into an occupied vehicle. “Apparently they were arguing over how the cars were in the roadway at which time Mr. Wells allegedly shot the victim in his hip,” Young says.
Looks like he took the whole ODB thing just a bit too far.
American Idol 1/26 Discussion
I'll be posting during the show again starting at 8EST- feel free to discuss the show here as it happens.
Tonight's audtions are from Vegas. How many Elvises (Elvi?) will we see?
So, raise your hand if you knew Kenny Loggins was still relevant.
First contestant: She's 16? She looks like a used up 30 year old.
I think she was ghastly. I find myself agreeing more and more with Simon lately.
"Maybe someday I can buy my mom those implants she always wanted." You go, girl.
Second: Nice eyes, Jeffrey. They going to pop out soon?
Oh geez, he's constipated. And, he's out.
Third: Oh, yay. A Real. Live. Vegas. Showgirl! Thrilling.
Eh. Leaving me flat (unlike her chest, ba-dum-dum). Will be interesting to see how the boys like her.
Oh gee. What a surprise. She's going to Hollywood.
And tonight's What's Paula On guess is........do they still make Quaaludes?
Fourth: The first of the Elvi. He's about two steps up from being William Hung.
Fifth: One of the boy band brothers from last night is back.
Ugh, he got through. This season is going to be based on mediocrity.
Sixth: Annoying factor: 10
Holy shit, she just broke my window.
Her second song isn't so bad - I just don't like her.
This show is really annoying me tonight.
Seventh: Yes. 28 years old. In DOG years.
It took my a full 20 seconds to figure out what he was singing.
That was just retarded.
Eight: Another brother act - his brother tried out in Season 2. And yes, the no talent gene runs in the family.
This show is dragging. I wish ODB would come back for a second night.
Nine: Yeeha. It's rodeo time. Cowboy Elvis style.
Oh my god. This is excruciating. If I could go back in time, I would kill William Hung before he ever got on the show. It's all his fault.
[Time constraints means I have to cut this short here]
January 25, 2005
American Idol 1/25 Discussion
I'll be posting during the show ( in extended entry so as not to spoil anything for West Coasters); feel free to discuss the show here as it happens.
Oooh, we've got heavy metal misogynist Gene Simmons on tap as guest host tonight.
January 21, 2005
Mary Roach, Superstar?
Either way, Mary's new found fame may rival that of William Hung, at least in the novelty department. I don't think she'll be appearing on album covers, but I bet she'll be making tv appreances soon. Maybe Dr. Phil, maybe in cartoon form on South Park. Mark my word - Ms. Roach will be ubitquitous until something more interesting happens on Idol. To wit:
And, of course, the sure fire sign that you are an internet phenom:
You know, I love American Idol. I really do. But I think we each have to admit that AI has brought upon us some of the worst entertainment figures of the 20th century. Mary Roach is just the latest.
January 20, 2005
PLEASE STOP LYING TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT THEIR SINGING TALENTS, AMERICA!
It makes the baby jeebus cry.
So, here's the burning question of the day for those of us (wo)man enough to admit that we watch American Idol:
Was Mary simply
a)an actress looking to get noticed
b) just another person looking to cash in on the William Hung gravy train
c) a mentally disturbed individual?
I'm thinking it was (b) but I know a lot of people leaning towards [c]. And if the answer is [c], is that explotation or entertainment?
Oh, I'm not going to lie. I was definitely entertained by Mary. In an uncomfortable sort of way.
My favorites from last night: the Rasta guy (good voice, nice charm) and the rock guy (not a great voice but at least his back story would provide the drama that last season was clearly missing).
Hated: The chick who sold her wedding ring to pay her way to the auditions. I don't know why, just a bad vibe I got from her and her stringy husband.
Best part of last night: Ogling Mark McGrath. Hated his band, love his look.
Last thought: Is it me, or did all the singers sound no better than average? And when will someone break out of the mold and choose a really offbeat song?
Update: Is it me or does Paula seem, ummm.....subdued? No, not subdued. Sedated. That's it. No, no. Maybe like.... she's been shot with an elephant tranquilizer? Yea.