May 25, 2005
At Last, The Final
This is it. My last post here on Idol Tongues.
I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you who hang around with us every Tuesday and Wednesday night. You've made this season a whole lot of fun. Thanks also to my fellow AI bloggers - it was nice to share this season with friends rather than hiding my obsession with the show as I've done in the past. Ok, enough with the sap. Let's get it on.
It's a two hour show tonight and I am waaaay overtired as it is. I may be just a little cranky. Which is no different than other weeks, anyhow.
Four minutes til showtime.
Oh. My. God. Kill me. Group songs are bad enough, but these costumes, and seeing Scott again, and the pure cheesiness of it..is this what I have to look forward to for TWO FREAKING HOURS? Whoa, could Nadia's cleavage be any more...apparent?
Babyface and Rascal Flats. Yippiekayaymotherfucker. Yea.
ACK. Mikalah. Someone run a razor blade through my ears, please.
And here comes the retrospective.
Make yourself comfortable. We're gonna be here a while.
Should I make a margarita or just have coffee?
Again with this song? I want some Whippin Post!
Camera phones don't work well in the dark. But here's my margarita:
90 more minutes. Sheeesh.
OH MY GOD IT'S MATTTTTTT! MATTT!!!!!111!1!11!!
Ack. Sorry. I loved him last year. This makes the next 90 minutes of boredom worth it. I got to see MATT!!
Holy shit she looks awful. The poodle perm, the dress down clothes....and her comes the song pouring out the nose again.
Oh, a retrospective of Paula's best crack trips.
WTFOMFGBBQ!1!1!!1 KENNY G IS IN THE HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
What the hell? Is LaToya dressed for New Year's Eve? Halloween in the Village?
I don't know what the hell Simon is on tonight, but I'm loving it. I like him when he's being creepy.
WoOoOOoOt, more Matt Rogers!
Oh I remember this poor girl. How could you forget that? Oh nice. THey brought her back to humiliate her live. How nice.
Err...what's with the closing theme? I know I'm not THAT drunk that I missed the last hour.
Awwwww a duet!! They look so CUUUUTE together.
Can we get on with the show now?
CARS? They get cars?? I don't think they've done this before.
(Thinks of a couple of "take Bo for a test drive" jokes)
Hah. Gene Simmons was the shit.
LEROY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the guy who did ODB. He cracked my shit up, even if he turned out to be a crackhead convict.
Ah, it's my favorite couple. I bet they go to Star Trek conventions together now. Or maybe they became Furries together.
HASSELOFF IN THE HIZZZOUSE!!
LMAO that's awesome.
Blame Timmer for that gif.
Oh jesusonapogostick it's a parody. HELP ME OBI WAN, YOU'RE OUR ONLY HOPE! Someone get me a freaking escape pod NOW.
blame robyn for that one.
Oh man, the baby jesus isn't just crying, he's sobbing. I am SOOO glad I decided to drink tonight.
Oh joyofjoys a medley.
Carrie is singing with Rascal Flatts. He looks like what would happened if the dude from Flock of Seagulls turned into a puffer fish. She actually sounds better than she did at any time during the competition.
Anthony and Anwar with Kenny G. Novacaine is more exciting.
Hmm they sound pretty good together.
Kenny Wayne Shephard, Nadia, Jessica and Constantine doing Aerosmith. This is just killing me. If this were the Gong Show, they'd be hooked off the stage already.
And ANOTHER look at Scott. WOOOOOOO (kill me). He's still throwing down gangsta signs.
My girl Vonzie! She should have won.
[sticks pencil in ear for Mikalah, who is all ho'd out tonight.]
Bo with Skynyrd!!!! This has GOT to be one of the greatest moments of his life. Oh, he is just awesome here.
Here we go, FINALLY!! Hurrrry I have to peeeee.
Ahhhh. Carrie. I just don't think she deserved it. But I'll be nice. This is for her:
Oh lord this gackfest of a song is going to be her single. Now you can hear the retarded words "I want to be inside your heaven" 24 hours a day!
I swear, when she won I did the Darth Vader NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Good-bye everyone. See you next year!
And Now...The End Is Near
I gotta say, last week I thought Bo had it in the bag. The crap-ass songs the producers picked that totally favored Carrie and Simon was droolingly smitten with her, Carrie managed to make a pretty good showing. Enough that I'm nervous. Nervous for my Bo. You know I'm picking Bo. I've been picking Bo ever since I wasn't picking Bo. And before that I was picking Bo as well. Until I wasn't, and then I was.
Ok sorry, I was having a weird John Kerry moment.
In sum: BO!
And so we draw the final curtain
Why, you might ask? Especially when the other two Idol Tongues posters make such valid points...
The reason is simple. Simon, even though having pegged her as the winner in just about every television interview since AI's Season 4 started, doesn't like country music. At all. He's made that abundantly clear over the years. And if Carrie wins, he'll be hearing a lot of it on his dime. Granted, he doesn't seem to know much about Southern Rock either... But originality or cookie-cutter mold? Maybe this is the one time we'll see the music industry buck the trend and start a new one.
Or maybe not. Either way, I don't lose personally. My Idol Successinator pick wins, or a fellow Oklahoman and Sooner fan wins. Ob la di. Ob la da.
Final Elimination Prediction
It came to me last night as I was watching the show. Carrie is going to win. It's almost as if it was pre-determined. And I don't mean that in a conspiracy-theory, scandal kind of way. When I first saw Carrie on AI this season, I pegged her as the perfect AI winner, in the eyes of the producers. And you have to be really, really naive to think that the producers don't have the final say.
Which is all well and good. Like last year, the winner will go on to have a mediocre career. Carrie will be playing state fairs by this time next year, but she'll have put in a whole year of touring and schilling for AI so they'll get their money's worth from her. Bo will have more of a career, but, like most AI winners, he will fade from the spotlight before long as well. I predict that Bo and Constantine will have some kind of reality show on VH1 by next year.
My pick (but not my choice) is therefore Carrie.
Final Elimination Prediction
As much as it pains me to say this, I think Carrie's going to win.
I don't hate her, so it doesn't break my heart or anything, but I really want Bo to win, and I think he was the better performer last night. I hope Simon's reverse psychology worked, because Bo's exactly what this competition is, and should be, about.
But you know what? Hippies are slackers. I don't think they voted hard enough...
May 24, 2005
And Then There Were 2!
That's right. We are down to the end. And many of us knew this is exactly how it would end up.
I'm looking for Bo to sweep the floor with Carrie tonight.
While you're waiting for the show to start, why not take our survey below?
Yadda Yadda, I won't miss sitting through Seacrest's retarded antics, that's for sure.
Ok Bo is singing already. It's a song that was written for him.
I just got a bad feeling about this. I don't know why. Hope it's not a premonition.
This song is doing nothing for me. Nothing against Bo, it's just a crappy song.
She still seems stiff to me. And it seems like she got a song much better suited for her voice. But wow, she sounds kind of pitchy to me. Very nasally, too.
I have to agree with Simon regardless. Carrie won round one, because Bo's song was teh suck.
Next up they do their favorite songs of the season.
For Bo, I liked that "great god in heaven you know I love you" song.
YES! I WIN! This is the song that won me over. I moved over to the Bo column when he sang this.
oh YES Carrie is DOOOOOOMEd. Wooot WOOOOOT! Flawless. Beautiful. HOT.
Carrie's gonna do that hoedown song, isn't she?
Oh, she's doing the Sean Hannity song. Blech.
I'm sorry. I find her ordinary, off key and she looks like she's riding an invisible horse. This is awful. AWFUL. I found it once again to be too nasally and pitchy and screechy.
Round 2: Bo.
Ick, now they have to do the icky songs from earlier?
I want to be inside your heaven. Kill me now. Not even Bo can make that sound anything but gacky.
This is not great. BECAUSE THESE SONGS SUCK! sucksucksuckbigfatdonkeyballs. They are ass cakes with ass frosting.
Much better than Carrie's take on it. How cute is he?
Now we have to listen to Carrie sing a song that not even Bo could make sound good.
Why is she so insistent on singing through her nose? No stage presence. Not bad, though. Better than her other two performances and a reminder of why she's in the finals.
Ok, she screeched the finale. And this song is just crappitycrapcrap. I would slit my wrists if I got stuck in an elevator and this song was playing.
And that's a wrap. I give my choice to Bo tonight.
Tomorrow is a two hour show. Show up here and endure it with me. I'll bring the champagne and chips.
Final Week Survey/Poll
Hey gang. Can you believe we are down to the last week already?
We thought we'd have some fun today before we get down to the business of watching Bo kick Carrie's ass tonight. All the AI bloggers got together and came up with some questions. Answer all, none or some. Your choice.
* What was your favorite performance of the season?
* Who would you have brought back as the wild card if they had one?
* Whose album would you buy first? (if they magically all came out at once)
* Did you miss the celebrity judge nights this year and would you like to see them again next?
* Of the three judges, which would you like to NOT come back next year?
* What celebrity judges would you like to see next year?
* Who was your least favorite contestant this year?
That's all we could think of. Have fun and see you at 8pm!
May 18, 2005
Elimination Night 5/18
It's time. Make your predictions now if you got 'em.
Those bastards got to go see Revenge of the Sith? Like they even care! Hmmph.
As usual, I'm going to make myself busy while they do all this feel-good crap.
We have to listen to them sing AGAIN? Just get the hell on with this so I can go to bed.
Awwww Bo is so cute!
(I can't believe I just wrote that)
I just don't like that they make them sing the same songs again. It's overkill. They should do something else, like make them answer questions straight out of a beauty pageant.
"Carrie, if you had one wish what would it be?"
"World peace, of course. And to feed all the children. And to ride Bo like a wild stallion!"
Ok, I do love watching Bo perform.
Anyhow, the Willy Wonka commercials freak me out.
The governor proudly proclaims that today is Carrie's Underwear Day!
Ok, so I'm overtired and I've been hitting the margaritas.
Ok, finally. Let's get this done.
Yep. Vonzelle is going home. That's really too bad. I enjoyed the hell out of watching her. She was by far one of my favorite contestants this year overall.
She has a career in show biz ahead of her. She's pretty, charming and talented.
That said, Bo is going to kick Carrie's ass back to Okie.
For all the
Elimination prediction's late...but better late than pregnant?
Bo is in a league of his own and has more talent in his left pinkie finger than Kelly, Reuben and Fantasia combined. If he doesn't run with the '05 AI title next week all the way back home to sweet home Alabama, I don't know why I've even bothered to watch all season.
As for his female counterpart in the finale, it's going to be between Vonzell and Carrie (obviously). And what kind of Oklahoma girl would I be if I voted against my own?
So my pick for the year's supply of Turtle Wax tonight? Sorry Vonzell. I may live in Florida now, but I'm Sooner born and Sooner bred. I have enjoyed the helloutta ya' this season, however! After this competition I predict you're gonna do fine, fine, jus' fine...
The "Almost There" Elimination Prediction
Well it's not going to be Bo. I think if Bo got eliminated tonight, the FOX building would go down in flames within minutes. Some show last night, eh? Even people who NEVER (or claim to never) watch AI were talking about it today.
So, Vonzie or Carrie? If I had my druthers, Vonzelle would stick around. Both of them left me kind of flat last night, but overall I prefer Vonzelle. She's just got more going on. Carrie never looks comfortable on stage and she has zippo in the personality department. Vonzelle just shines. She sparkles, even.
But I am not all of voting America, am I? AI is a democracy and as often happens with democracies, someone you don't like wins and someone you love loses.
I'm getting way off track here.
America will, against MY better judgment, send Vonzelle home.
It's a Bo and Carrie finale, just as many of us predicted way back when.
Bo Knows Idol
I think that Vonzell bites it tonight. This whole thing seems to be leading to a Carrie vs. Bo Battle Royale, and that's what the producers seem to want as well. I think Bo takes the whole shebang next week; nothing could have been more bold and went over as well as his solo. Nuff said.
This is getting really hard. They were all pretty good last night. I mean, not BO good, only Bo was BO BO BO good.
That said, I'm going with Carrie for tonite. I think the show needs a "shocker" in order for people to tune in next week other than to see Bo wipe the floor with whoever is left.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
What she said.
Pentultimate Elimination Prediction
Bo rocked the hizzie, Davis is slavering to cash in on that cow. Vonzell is toast because the Carrie/Bo final was written in the stars.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
May 17, 2005
And Then There Were Three!
Well, we're getting down to the end here. I'm sure going to miss my Tuesday nights with you all when this is over.
Tonight, the final three - Bo, Vonzelle and Carrie - will each sing three songs. Is it me or is this feeling a bit more like torture each week?
We'll be ready to go in just ten minutes. I'm predicting a big night for Bo. Just a gut feeling.
Here we go. And Clive Davis is in the house. I'm not a big fan of guest judges.
Ok, three songs - personal choice, judges' choice and Clive Davis's choice. Clive's choices are first.
Vonzelle first, I'll Never Love This Way Again.
Hmm..she doesn't sound as powerful as she usually does. She sounds....different. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think I really like what she did with this song.
Eh, Clive is bitching about her smiling during the song.
OH, this is going to be GOOD. Don't Let the Sun Go Down is a perfect song for him.
I'm really liking this, but I'm so biased I can't be taken seriously anymore when it comes to Bo.
That was so good.
Carrie doing Crying? This could be a disaster or a star-maker. NO in between.
Nice job. She was better than Vonzelle in this round. I'm not a huge Carrie fan, but I think this is my favorite performance of hers. She actually showed some emotion.
Next round is contestant's pick. Prediction: Carrie will go with a country torch song, Vonzelle will do a current R&B, maybe Alicia Keyes, and Bo will do a 70's rock tune.
Vonzelle, ruining my prediction, is doing Chain of Fools. This is good, but I still feel like Vonzelle is missing something tonight. Her voice was made for a song like this. Good choice for her.
They really have to stop saying "best vocal sung on this show" so often. Kind of takes the compliment out of it when they say it every week.
Whoa, Bo doing acapella? This is BOLD.
Oh my god, I think I'm having a religious experience. And I'm an atheist. If he doesn't win this thing, I'm rioting.
Holy SHIT that was amazing. Just. Fucking. Amazing.
I think I need to be by myself for a few minutes.
Oh yea, Carrie. Oh jesus she is NOT doing this song. And I don't think she's doing a great job with it. A bit screechy. She just ruined Air Supply for me, man.
That's right. I like Air Supply. Shut up.
Carrie has no personality. And I really thought she was too high pitched on the Air Supply song.
Judges picks now.
Vonzelle: On the Radio, Donna Summer. Vonzelle could rock the house with this one. Her kind of song.
Those pants are horrid.
She really has pop star quality written all over her. The look, the smile, the personality, the voice. I still don't think this was her best performance night, but she is mighty talented.
Paula's choice for Bo: The Stones, Can't Get No Satisfaction.
She worked hard to pick this one out for him. She knew he would blow it out of the water. I'm convinced he can sing anything. He could sing the alphabet and I'd be mesmerized. I have never bought a CD by an AI contestant before, but I will now.
That totally rocked.
Randy's choice for Carrie: Man I Feel Like a Woman. Yee ha.
When she tries to make a "dancing" move she looks like she's riding a bull. Always.
Not. Liking. It. I think she sounds flat, screechy (again) and just no oomph. It was generic.
May 11, 2005
Elimination Night 5/11
And here we go. Care to make your predictions before Seacrest starts dragging this one out?
Let's recap who the AI bloggers think is going home:
If you don't mind I'm going to skip the group song. I have to umm....take the garbage out.
Hahah that commercial was teh funny!!11!1!
Memories...misty neon colored memories....
I'm bored with this. Let's get it on already. I have laundry to do.
Yay. We get to see flashbacks of Paula being cracked out.
Gee, they're planning on cramming an awful lot into the next fifteen minutes. My prediction: Seacrest will make Carrie stand on one side, Bo on the other and then ask Vonzelle and Anthony to figure out where they go. Then he'll say something mean. Then he'll say something sarcastic that's supposed to be funny but it's not. Then he'll tell Vonzelle to go stand next to Carrie, tell them they are the bottom two, wait a few seconds for them to look horrified, tease them a bit and then send Vonzie home.
Ahhh, so Bo tried out with Whipping Post. Cool.
I should explain that I don't WANT Vonzelle to leave. I just make my guesses based on previous experience.
Bo is safe and Seacrest is speed reading.
Hmmm. Carrie is safe. Lots of people thought she'd be going home tonight.
Nothing like rushing through this.
Wow. Federov is finally gone.
I'm glad Vonzelle is staying. But I really think Anthony is a nice guy. I hope good things happen for him.
We are one step closer to the fabled Carrie/Bo finale.
We're Almost To The End!
Actually, I shouldn't be so happy, I mean, when it's over, I'll have nothing to do until next year.
Anyhow, tonite we'll be saying so long to Vonzell. I wish it weren't so. Truly. I wish that Federov were going, I just don't think it will happen -- the damn judges LIKED his whiny ass this week, he doesn't get voted off when they hate him, he ain't going now.
So. The plain truth is that teenaged girls are more proactive about preserving their fantasy-objects than are teenaged boys. (Besides, when you're a teenaged boy, isn't pretty much anything at all a potential fantasy object? Girls, cars, kitchen faucets...) And teenaged girls have telephones surgically implanted around their thirteenth birthday, do they not?
Taking into consideration all of the above, Vonzelle is toast tonight. Sorry, hon, the pasty immigrant definitely deserves it more, but you were going down anyway, if not this week, then next. The final two will be Bo and Carrie, just so the producers can milk that whole "she's a little bit country, he's a little bit rock-n-roll" thing.
Ew. Even though I like both of them, I think I just threw up a little.
Elimination Prediction 5/12
It's getting harder to figure out just what America is up to on Tuesday nights after the last note is sung.
But I've put my Encylopedia Brown costume on and did a little detective work for this one. After all the evidence was gathered, disseminated, fingerprinted, examined, etc., I came to this conclusion, based solely on my simple forensic skills and past performances of the voting public.
The final two tonight will be Vonzelle and Carrie.
Vonzelle will go home.
That's right. According to my calculations, Stacy will have to put up with Immigrant Boy for yet another week.
The final four
Another snooze-fest last night. My fifteen-month old nailed the only reason to watch the show. During the performance of "For The Love Of Money" he walked up to the TV and chanted "Bo! Bo! Bo!" Smart kid. Especially since last week, the second Corey Clark opened his mouth to sing on "Fallen Idol", our son started shrieking and we had to comfort him to get him to stop crying...
Enough of the chit-chat though. Bottom two: Anthony and Vonzell
Although I think Vonzell redeemed herself with the second performance, and I honestly did feel sorry for her after her meltdown and near-tripping incident post-judge review, as Sekimori so eloquently stated last night..."Jeez louise, you know, controlling your crap onstage is part of the deal, sweetie."
And Anthony, well it's time I get to clear out my Failinator pick once and for all. I can't take anymore of that Linus pumpkin patch that's the most sincere routine while staring soulfully into the camera crap.
So my official pick for tonight's hasta-la-bye-bye: Anthony
May 10, 2005
Short N Sweet
Just to give you somewhere besides Michele's post to yam yer yammerings...
Carrie - Suits her voice, but Xst what an asstastic song. Perfect example of why I despise most country music.
Bo - "Laconic" would be a kind description. Tritt's range is similar to his, so a good choice, pitch-wise, but just too laid back to be inspiring.
Vonzell - Jeez louise, you know, controlling your crap onstage is part of the deal, sweetie.
Anthony - I can't frigging listen to this faux-crooner bullshit anymore, and I'm rapidly getting to the point where I can't stand to watch him moue at the bloody camera anymore either. Grr.
Carrie - The arranger is partly to blame, yes...they tried to country-fy it for her, I think, even though she's proven herself more than capable of singing other than country freaking music.
Bo - Oh, the hotness. Growly voice, fiiine sunglasses, SANDALS with a frigging suit...I bow in utter respect. Very, very nicely done. And dig how long the audience applauded.
Vonzell - I love that song more than 99% of the other songs that exist...and she didn't suck. You could tell some of the fire was missing though. Hope we eventually get the story on that.
Anthony - Creep. Go away.
And Then There Were 4
Another Tuesday, another night of having to put up with Seacrest.
I was thinking today - I don't think anyone out there imagined this would be our final four. Not one person could have predicted Federov would still be with us at this stage.
Awwww give it up for Paula, everyone!!
Themes tonight are The Sound of Philadelphia and Nashville. Who didn't see the country theme coming?
Carrie up first, singing some hoe down song. She still looks sort of stiff and I think she's off on some notes, though I could be wrong because I have no idea what song this is. But I do feel like shouting YEEEHA! I am NOT feeling this. It's messy. I think I'm the only person at this point who doesn't "get" Carrie.
Bo coming up with Travis Tritt. Have I mentioned I loathe country music?
I'm not feeling this, either. It's nothing he hasn't done before. Bo needs to reach out and grab the audience at this point with something different, something spectacular. I mean, I love his voice and anything he sings sounds good, like it's made for radio, but I'm not feeling any passion from him tonight, and that's usually what sets him apart from the other contestants. But I do love Bo and even a mediocre peformance from him is an excellent one. If that made any sense.
Simon just hit it on the head: it was lazy.
Vonzell doing Trisha Yearwood. Again, she's doing a safe song. She's got a wonderful voice and a great stage presence. She should kick out the jams! Be daring! I want to see what she can do with a song that's sexy or edgy.
I take that back. She's not sounding wonderful. She's messing up. She's off key and she's missing words.
She knows she messed up. Poor girl.
Throat boy up next. Aww he's his momma's little baby.
Again, with the sitting down. Oh god, is this one of those sappy, heart wrenching, gacky songs?
Nothing spectacular. He really does have a nice voice and he seems like a nice guy and this was a nice performance. But are we going to be satisfied with just....nice?
This was probably his best effort in at least three weeks.
And now we move up and over on the map to Philadelphia. It's a good opportunity for these guys to pep it up. Please, NO MORE BALLADS!
Carrie is singing a slow song. I guess that's ok, she was peppy with her hoedown song.
Is it me or is the tune all weird on this? I feel like I want to pull the words out of her mouth. I am just. not. liking. this. Her voice is irritating the hell out me tonight.
Bo, finally, doing a peppy song.
Damn, he looks SMOKIN hot tonight.
I think half the problem is this band SUCKS. I would love to hear Bo playing with a better, more rocking band.
Oh YEA Bo is ON. My favorite performance tonight. And I'm not saying that just because I want in his pants.
I really think Bo has this thing wrapped up.
Vonzell stepping it up a bit. This is what I'm talking about. Vonzelle has to move around, sing something with life in it. ANd she's doing that right now. She sounds a little breathless in parts, but for the most part, she's rocking the stage.
Yadda yadda American Dream...aaaand another ballad.
Much better than Carrie, though that's not saying much. It was right for him. I think he did well enough tonight to make it really unclear who is going to go home tomorrow. Federov just threw a wrench into the whole works by having a better night than he normally does. That's not to say he can win it, but people who were automatically dismissing him tonight might be saying..hmmm...maybe I like him better than Carrie.
And that's a wrap. Stop back tomorrow afternoon for our predictions. This is going to be hard.
Stacy's got her review up - I'm thinking she doesn't really feel it for Anthony.
May 04, 2005
And There Was Much Rejoicing
Seeya woman-beater. Please let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Elimination Night 5/04
Ok kids. Let's get your predictions in before the show starts. Who's going home tonight?
Recap, recap, recap. I really wish they would come on, separate the wheat from the chaff and wave good bye to the loser of the night without all this window dressing and hoopla and looking at Scott's face more than we have to.
And now, the group song portion of the program. You may all go pee, put in a load of laundry or take out the garbage now.
Please tell me they're not doing this song (message to you, rudie). Please. Please. Please. I'm going to cry. They just ruined it for me. Totally. That was not necessary.
Hmmmmmmm I bet Scott and Anthony are in the bottom.
Nothing is every straightfoward at this part. So who knows.
We have to listen to them SING?
Either way, someone who deserves it is going home tonight.
Wow, Seacrest was a little nasty there. Parking the car?
Hah, they cut him off. And Paula wasn't hysterical for him!
Stole this one from Fark, click for bigger:
Please note that several comments have been deleted. Comments on this thread have been closed. A particular person has been banned.
Just Under The Wire Tonite
Sorry I'm late. Not that this will be any kindof earth-shattering news here.
Bottom 2 - Anthony and Vonzell - Anthony goes.
I really think those vote for the worst fuckers are going to succeed in keeping Ugly Ghetto Scott around till the very end, just to god damn torture our eyes and ears with the sheer offensiveness of the attitudinally challenged ass-faced mo-fo.
But I'm not bitter or anything.
Insert witty title here
Thanks to a fun case of food poisoning at 8 months pregnant courtesy of the fine folks at Taco Bell, I'm taking the easy route with my predictions tonight.
Last week the Magic 8 Ball flaked out on me. Tonight, I'm trying the coin flip. It's about as scientific as putting the fates of the contestants in the hands of Ohio voters, no?
My two choices? Scott (heads) and Anthony (tails). The results? Photo here at my moblog.
Now back to the couch with me...
Homeward Bound 5/4
I've given up on saying Scott's going home. It just ain't gonna happen this week, much to my chagrin.
Standing on the stage like deer in headlights in the final moments, as Seacrest drags out the drama a few minutes more than necessary, will be Vonzell and Federov. By the time Seacrest stops yanking their chains, Vonzie will be waving good-bye.
I wish it weren't so. I like Vonzell. I don't hate Federov, but I don't think he should have made it this far. And Scott, well, I think I know the voting public well enough by now to know that Jabba will be available for me to make fun of come next Tuesday.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. America, you make me weep.
What You Think Is True Isn't
There can be no logic in any of these picks. Picking the remaining ones should be easy to spot, one would think that the remainder of the contest should be a no brainer. Two have separated themselves head and shoulders above the others. But, as I say, logic has been thrown out the window with this story and, that gives us our bottom two...
Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason, get the fuck off my TV.
I wasn't even going to post today, but what the fuck...
Bottom two: Scott and The Vonz
Ok, I don't really believe that, but I can't bear to think of what I will have to do to you mediocrity-loving morons if Scotty the Toddy's not gone at 8:30pm tonight. I actually voted last night, damn you.
Update: Thank you, America! (They obviously fear me.)
5.4.05 Elimination Prediction
Well, after last week, I have no frigging idea. Not that I'm sad to see Constance go, but c'mon, his popularity was undeniable, and he was a hella better performer than Senor Ham Legs.
Anyway, let's give it a shot. Assuming they're only picking a bottom TWO tonight, I say it's the Pasty Immigrant and the Vonz, with the Vonz going home. (Because Simon said she would, that's why, and he's frigging UNCANNY.)
If Bo somehow gets voted off, I shall personally hunt down every one of you fuckers* and make you scream.
*Interesting how your site doesn't resolve anymore...that's what happens when you piss off people who have more money than you have. Ta!
May 03, 2005
And Then There Were 5
Welcome back for another week of American Idol hijinks! Will Paula cry? Will Scott sneer? Will Seacrest be annoying? All this and more coming up at 8pm.
Tonight's themes are....Leiber and Stoller and Billboard top 40. Interesting juxtaposition of themes.
That's right, everyone. We get two, two, two songs in one!
Hey, I love Smokey Joe's Cafe! This could be good.
Anthony up first. Doing Poison Ivy by the Coasters. Nice choice - fun song.
Oh. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. He's just so...bland.
Paula has this roundabout way of saying she doesn't like something. She does look like they cleaned her up a bit. She doesn't appear to be cracked out tonight.
Scott a star on Broadway? Please. Spare us.
I. Can't. Look. At. Him. It gives me hives. Well, this isn't the worst thing I ever heard. But he still sucks. He definitely misses a lot of notes. But not his worst performance.
Ok, so with Connie gone, Paula is going to slobber over Jabba now.
Vonzell doing Treat Me Nice. This could be good.
This is alright. I love her voice but I'm not feeling something with this song. It's good..don't get me wrong, but I think she needs to step out and do something different. She's been in the same mode for the past few weeks. Totally agreeing with Simon here. It was messy. I still heart her, though.
Bo doing Stand By Me.
I think I'm smitten. Bo's got it going on. It wasn't his most powerful work, but it still mesmerized the audience and that's what it's all about. He's smooth. Very smooth.
Carrie. She's going for the bad, bad girl thing. She always seems so uncomfortable to me. But her voice is HOT tonight. She just has zero charisma. It's like she's not sure if this is the persona she wants to project. But damn, her voice is HOT.
There is CRAP on the Billboard top 40. Like, 38 50 Cent songs and 2 Kelly Clarkson songs.
What the hell is this? BACKSTREET BOYS? STick a fork in Anthony.
Err..he's actually singing this better than the Backstreet Boys. Huh. I liked it. Everyone hated it.
And please, people. No one is going to do Weezer or Nine Inch Nails. We're stuck with Mariah Carey. Guarantee you.
Scott is doing Brian McKnight and my LORD, he just said HOMIES. Any song that has the word HOMIES should be taken off the charts. And Scott should be kicked in the shins for making my ears bleed.
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see Bo try Queens of the Stone Age. Or even Audioslave. That would rule.
Vonzell up. Uh...this is the American Idol group song. That's a weird choice. Sounded wonderful, but again, she was being safe.
Bo with the 70's era fringe jacket. I think this is Los Lonely Boys. I'm telling you. Bo sounds like he's already on the radio. He's got the voice. He's ON. He sounds like he's an established star already.
Carrie up. See, she looks much more comfortable when she's not trying to be something's she's not. This is her zone. It's where she needs to stay the rest of the competition.
We'll be voting for Bo tonight. See you tomorrow.