February 28, 2005

The Boys of Slumber

By Broken

Overall, tonight was just kind of blah for me. However, just like last week, there were two who moved in directions I didn't expect. Nikko brought his game up a notch with his performance. He gets better each week, which is all you can expect. On the other side, Anthony Federov continues his downward slide. Everyone was all ready to crown him the next American Idol, and maybe he's still Top 5 material, but barely. Not good for him tonight.

That being said, this contest is (for the boys) really between Mario and Anwar. Barring a catastrophe, it'll be one of them in the last two.

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2/28 - The Boys

By Tanya

Paula looks like a 1970s waitress in that outfit. Ooo. And feathered hair. It's Alice.

Mario - He's not bald, he has a horn. Nice mesh fedora. 1982 sucked. He's not the best singer, but he is very entertaining. Very charismatic, but he needs to show off his voice. Nicely humble, too.

Anwar - I love me some Marvin, but this is a little safe. Ok, now it's picking up. Yeah, nice range - that was a cool run. He's so smooth.

Joe - Nice voice but the oh, so sincere thing is creeping me out.

David - Beautiful voice, once he warms up, but it's a boring song, and he just took too long to warm up. Save the ballads for your third albums, people. What did he sing in audition? Anyone remember?

Constantine - American Idol is "as dangerous as it comes?" Ish. Welcome to Iraq, son. Nice screeching. I know a subset of the voters are going to go absolutely nuts for this performance, but it's not doing anything for me. He's not rock enough and not pop enough. And he doesn't have the voice. He can go now.

Dude, he's tall. How did that happen? Did anyone else think he was like 5'6"?

Scott - What is he wearing?! Damn it. I like him. I hate liking him. I know he's a jerk, from the group song auditions, but he has an amazing voice, and fabulous rhythm. That was the first song of the night that made me dance.

Travis - I love this song. The singing seems very wooden to me. At least he's dancing. And the rap-ish thing was cool, and well done. He is entertaining. And such an infectious smile.

Nikko - It's Marvin night! Sweeeeeeet. I'm so glad to see him belt. I loved that.

Anthony - Oooo, creepy surgery scar. See, I want him to throw down. He's reworking this song really well, and it shows off his range and his beautiful voice. But I want to see him bust out. He's too young to not be having fun.

Bo - Zzzzzzzzzappa! Finally, a real rock song. He'll probably get kicked off for that, but it fucking smoked. Kick ass. And I'm so glad the judges loved it too. I loved it so much, I actually tried to vote. (I already gave up)

8:28pm - OH MY GOD! I JUST VOTED! TWICE!

OH MY GOD!! HOW MUCH OF A DORK AM I FOR BEING THIS EXCITED ABOUT IT?!

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Boys Night Out - 2/28

By Michele

The boys are back and we'll be here to diss and discuss.

10 guys left - Jared and Judd were the dearly departed last week.

Mario is up first and he's gonna boogie down.

Continue reading "Boys Night Out - 2/28"

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February 24, 2005

It Had To Be Paris Hilton

By Faith

I've accidentally stumbled upon what could well be the source of Paula's mysterious and ugly sleeve that's not really thing. And wouldn't you know it, it's Paris Hilton. See? Course Paris seems to at be wearing matching bizarre sleeves that aren't really sleeves.

I really hope doesn't catch on.

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February 23, 2005

Weepy Time

By Stacy

Ah, the lovely fake drama, this is my FAVORITE part. *sarcasm*

Xst, that Mikalah performance was awful. Thanks for reminding me.

Holy crap, Melinda looks like she's about to murder people. Talk about having no grace. Yeah, it has everything to do with your "exposure", riiiiight. </Dr. Evil voice>

I have never understood this policy of making the loser sing after their guts have just been ripped out.

Constantine thinks he's sexay. Too bad he never noticed his complete lack of a chin.

Bye Jared. Sarcastic little shit.

Whoever runs this show is the most sadistic bastard on the planet. Really.

And whoever perpetrated the gratuitous William Hung commercial rates a flogging.

Oh noess!11!1 Sarah the kewpie doll is historeeeee! *yay*

Ok, that was sincerely fucked up. I predict a whole new generation of serial killers are generated by this very show. Glad Judd's gone, though, he reminded too many of us of last season's hobbit.

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Time To Send Them Packing

By Michele

My favorite part of the show. Thinning the herd. It's time.

Of course, first we have to have a recap, then Seacrest belaboring a point, then Seacrest spreading the drama thin....

An hour of dragging this out. Didn't the results show used to be a half hour? There's only so much forced drama I can take before I get bored.

I think this is the last time I'll live blog a results show. The stretching it out gets on my last nerve.

Well, Melinda is gone. No big surprise. And I earned a battery pack! (See the comments for reference)

Wake me when the rest of this is over.

Love this part. "Hey, you lost, you're the first to be sent packing and no one showed you the love. But dance for us, monkey!"

My daughter has a bunch of friends over watching. They're more entertaining than the show.

Apparently, Bo looks like a stray cat with a lopsided head. Had to be there, I guess.

And the guys....

Jared goes home. MORE BATTERIES FOR ME!

Ok, Janay is safe so no more batteries for me.

Sara goes home - I didn't like her from the beginning. She's too hung up on how she looks.

And Judd is out.

After all these years, Seacrest still hasn't figured out a way to do this with tact.

[clarification] - I don't mean the way it was done. That just SUCKED. I just think Seacrest needs to work on his tone a bit.

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Round One Elimination Predictions

By Faith

I better make this quick, it's almost showtime!

Who gets the axe?

Guys: Scott & Jared

Girls: Celena and Lindsey

Off to see who everyone else predicts.

Go Nadia!!!

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Place yo' wagers

By Tanya

Wow, my guesses are way different from anyone else's.

On the other hand, I've always sucked at predicting how the votes will go on this show. Is that stopping me? Yeah, right.

Girls: Jessica and Amanda
Boys: Scott and Judd

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Round One Elimination Predictions

By Robyn

Robyn is a four-season professional American Idol watcher. Do not try this at home.


My guesses / hopes for tonight's first round of finalist eliminations:

Guys - Jared Yates & Travis Tucker
Dolls - Amanda Avila & Melinda Lira


Of course, this is the same viewing audience that put the 'three divas' in the bottom three last year and sent Jennifer Hudson home... Only time shall tell.

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Round One Elimination Predictions

By Michele

I put my finger on the pulse of the AI audience by listening to my teenage daughter and her friends discuss their favorites. Judging by that, and taking into consideration my own judgments on the contestants, these are my picks for who will be shedding tears this evening:

Girls going bye-bye:Janay Castine and Melinda Lira

Guys going home: David Brown and Jared Yates

Make your predictions here!

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Round One Elimination Predictions

By Stacy

As a 35 year old mother of two, far be it from me to try and predict what the tumescent little brains of today's teenyboppers will decide...but I'm going to give it a swing anyway. Tonight, the cryers will be:

Girls
Lindsey Cardinale
Janay Castine

Boys
Scott Savol (and what a great steaming injustice that will be)
Joseph Murena

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2/22 - The Girls

By Tanya

I haven't read anyone else's posts yet. The sound on my tv cuts out when high-traffic shows are on, and it screws up the %$#@ dvr replay too. So I had to re-watch the parts I couldn't hear, this morning.

Note: I ran in the door last night at about 6:59pm (Central time) and watched the show in my work clothes while trying to cook dinner, so I wasn't watching closely until Carrie.

Vonzell: Heat Wave. At least it's not boring. I can take or leave her voice, but she's a natural entertainer.

Amanda: Nicely belted, but yawn. Pitchy. Didn't someone do this sing last night? (How Am I Supposed to Live Without You) Not exciting, and she's making the constipation face. I hate that.

Ryan's just jealous that Simon doesn't want to be his microphone.

Janay: Poor kid. She's scared to death and it's really showing in her voice. She has nice range, but they're going to kill her. Like the Lauryn Hill girl last year, she's singing too old, and I bet she keeps doing it, if she stays, even when they tell her to sing young, fun songs.

Carrie: Nice. very nice. Good range, and she's so comfortable on stage. Love to see her get out of the country niche. She could win this.

{Bambi!}

Sarah: Yawn. I can't even say what it is about this performance that I don't like. It's what Simon calls "cruise ship" or what I think you'd hear at a wedding where they make your aunts do the macarena. She's lucky she's pretty. She reminds me of a cheap Michelle Pfeiffer. Paula said what I meant, I think. She only sang in one octave - on this show, that's not enough. She looks drunk, but I'm sure it's just the shape of her eyes...

Why are they still picking safe songs? Do you think this was recorded the same night as the boys? If not, they should have learned from their mistakes.

Melinda: Double yawn. She's hearing music that I'm not. Why is she dancing so fast to this song? Beautiful voice, but she seems way off the beat to me. Not off-key, just out of time.

Nadia: STUPID $#@! CABLE.

Celena: Nice voice, but another very safe song. I don't know this song. At least she's making a sing-your-heart-out face instead of the constipation face. She reminds me of Mary Ann.

Mikalah and Lindsey: I obviously have some kind of #@!$ed-up tv karma. The sound only goes out on the singers on my picks list. Glad I have dvr.

{If you were Christina Ricci's agent, would you slap her?}
{Is that the guy from Hootie and the Blowfish in that BK commercial with all the Fredricks of Hollywood girls? And why was he singing like "nani-nani-boo-boo stick your head in doo-doo?" Did I just critique a song in a commercial? Yeesh. Hey, who was that on the swing at the end? She looked like a circa-1960 Loretta Lynn.}

Jessica: I love this song (Against All Odds), and she's killing it. Again, cruise ship. Now I have to go download the real song to scrub my brain.

Aloha: Wow. I really like her. If Aretha Franklin and 50 Cent had a love child, this would be her. Strong legs. Nice style. Very cool.

{That hot Israeli guy from the Mummy is going to be on 24}

Next day:

Wow. That was confusing. I turned on the tv and Aloha was on, talking to the judges. I thought I must have somehow left the dvr playing, so I tried to rewind it, and the rest of them weren't there. It was the local news, playing her performance. (I live in her hometown)

Ok...

Nadia: I love her. She $#@! rocks. She obviously honestly having fun. Simon told someone last night that kids are looking for a role model here. I don't necessarily agree with that, but if they really are, Nadia's a good one.

Mikalah: Why's she singing like Fran Drescher? I don't like the black hair and weird lipliner, but she's very fun and cute, and she can SING BETTER THAN THIS. *grumble*

Lindsey: Very safe. I love her smoky voice, and I wish she'd use it. That was boring.

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February 22, 2005

Girls Schmirls

By Stacy

The Seacrest scores another funny tonight with the "four people in tears, not my fault, YOUR fault" line.

Stop making me like him. Now.

On to the *cough* performances...

Vonzell: Eh. Nice tube top, but eh.

Amanda: I hate you, I officially hate you. And when Simon said he wanted to be reincarnated as your microphone, I actually threw up a little in my mouth.

Janay: I think they were right in their initial assessment that you would do well in a girl group sitch, ala TLC. You know, just avoid crowded third world intersections.

Carrie: However she does in this competition, she's got a career as a country performer. I sincerely hope someone picks up on that and she gets signed.

Sarah: Get. Off. My. Television. You looked like a Kewpie doll attempting to expel an orange up there. Gads.

Melinda: I'm sorry, Melinda, but you remind me too much of that talentless slitch from Hawaii last year. Out of the boat.

Nadia: Damn, I love this chick, even if she does overly resemble Scary Spice. That was a helluva performance, unintelligible song notwithstanding.

Celena: Another one who needs to get off my tv. Paralyzed with fear, are we?

Mikalah: Oh dear, oh dear. This is so very wrong. Honey, the combination of this song, your frumpy hair and dress, they make you look and sound like you should be pushing this crap across a tiny stage in a dingy nightclub in Boca. You're sixteen for fuck's sake! Try some Maroon 5 or Kid Rock on for size, ya?

Lindsey: Euch. Lingerie goes on the INSIDE. And your song made me sleepy. Really.

The Burger King/Hootie commercial my compatriots are lambasting here made me giddy as a little girl. It reminded me of...something...the Coen brothers, the song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" from O Brother Where Art Thou, and something else that's driving me crayyyyzeeeee!!! *happy*

Jessica: Phil Freaking Collins? What decade do you idiots think this is? The judges keep saying they want "young", "fresh" and "contemporary"...why aren't you listening?? Xst, you're like my freaking five year old.

Aloha: A good, strong performance. But I kept wondering why they forgot to put the pole on the stage...

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People of the world - spice up your life

By Robyn

And now, my first round of "Fickle Finger of Fate Awards" for the fourth season of American Idol...honoring the good, and well, the not so good...

[fickle finger of fate]

Carrie Underwood - award for temporarily taking me back to high school whilst crooning into my hairbrush

Melinda Lira - award for making me thank the heavens for TiVo's FF feature (Celine rendition = ummmm owww)

Nadia Turner - award for realizing the world really did need another Scary Spice incarnation after all

Mikalah Gordon - She had style, she had flair, she was there...that's how she became the...Idol...award

Aloha Mischeaux - the "damn, I'd need a cigarette if I wasn't pregnant and actually smoked" after that performance award

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Change in Direction

By Broken

For me tonight, two people I didn't expect to move in my personal poll of the event changed position radically. First, Mikalah Gordon plummeted. And I mean hard. I thought she could pull off this contest before tonight, but she just sounded like she was channeling Fran Drescher. It was wretched. On the other hand, Aloha Mischeaux came from way behind to go into my Top 5 for the girls. I didn't know she had that kind of performance in her. Looking forward to good things from Aloha.

In other news, I missed Paula's protective Wonder Woman armbands tonight. What would have happened if the judges had been attacked? How would she have deflected any bullets without them?!

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Girls Night Out 2/22

By Michele

Here's a list of the girls in the running:

Continue reading "Girls Night Out 2/22"

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Unofficial Poll

By Tanya

Do you guys actually vote?

I tried to vote by phone on the last night that Clay and Ruben were up, but I couldn't get thru, and I gave up pretty quickly. That's the only time I even tried, except that one time last year when they let you vote online.

So let's hear it. Do you bother?

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February 21, 2005

Boyz Night

By Stacy

The Seacrest picks up some style points with his "in an effort to avoid overexposure we're only going to be on three nights this week" joke. Still gayer than a fair full of fairies though.

Nikko: Dull, dull, dull. He looks petrified. I'll be astonished if Stevie Wonder does NOT make an appearance as a guest judge this year.

Scott: Growing the facial hair in an attempt to define the chin, eh? Too little, too late. I love your voice, honey, but you look like someone inflated you, then squished you.

Anthony: Hoo boy, what a waste of time/energy. As much as I love this kid's voice he has nothing near the "star quality" they're looking for.

Bo: Go Bo, Go Bo. And I was just saying how much didn't like you.

Travis: Who?

Constantine: Ok, I like this song, but it's way out of your range, son. A gutsy choice? I don't think so. It does prove you gots no rocker cred whatsoever, though. Your ex-band is back home disavowing your name, that's for sure. And did he just tell Randy to "keep rapping"?! Dood. Not wise.

David: These sappy-ass songs are killing me, guys. I quote the immortal Ruby Rhod, "What was that?! It was bad! It had no fire, no energy, no nothing!"

Jared: Gads. *snore*

Anwar: I love this guy, mainly because he's a teacher and he's showing his kids how it's done...but Moon Freaking River?

Judd: At last, some energy! Too bad your voice is like listening to cat claws on a blackboard.

Joseph: Mother of gods, please make the boy band crap end.

Mario: I hate how much charisma this boy has. He's going to win it all. </official prediction>

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2/21 - The Boys

By Tanya

I thought they were cutting six tonight. This will be weird - no girls vs boys for three weeks...

Nikko: He looks like Reverend Run, and I don't think it's just the hat and glasses. Lots of Stevie this year, huh? He even sounds like Stevie, a little. Good voice, but I'm not blown away.

Scott: He has such a nice voice. I don't like to see him doing schmoozy love songs, tho. Like Mikey said in the comments a while ago, closing your eyes when he sings helps, and I don't mean that in a cruel way. I want him to make it, to prove that you don't have to be conventionally attractive to win, but Idol is about making 14 year old girls swoon, and he just doesn't.

Anthony: I don't like this song at all. It's too slow and doesn't show off his voice. He has decent stage presence, if a little affected. God, he has huge hands. That's going to absorb my attention from now on, I can tell.

Bo: Kill me, please. Why's everyone doing ballads? Ok, it's picking up now, and he's definitely got the audience going. This song is going to be stuck in my head all night. Ick. I can take or leave his voice, but he does have good pitch. I want to wax his eyebrows so badly, I can taste it. Caveman Idol.

Travis: More Stevie. Again with the too slow. He has a great smile, tho. Oooo. Off key. That'll leave a mark. Ouch. Again. Great smile. Did I already say that?

It blows my mind how Simon always knows (usually correctly) how songs will sound on tv.

Constantine: Interesting choice. Dude. Nice. I had totally written him off as just a face (tho he doesn't do anything for me, personally). Very nice. Risky. That would have been risky for anyone - those are some high notes, even my voice gets screechy on bay-baaaaah, and I'm a girl - but he wants OUT of that rocker niche. Smart move.

David: QT Pie. Jeez, another mellow song. Quit with the constipation face please, you shouldn't be straining on this song. Good but totally safe. I wonder if any of these people have ever seen the show. Does anyone else remember them constantly telling performers not to pick safe songs? Like every episode? Every year? Show of hands?

Jared: Excellent, another ballad. *slits wrists* Man, is he pretty, tho. People. Please. Entertain me. Is that so much to ask?

Anwar: Moon River. Hmmmm. Another interesting extra-niche choice, but also another slow song. Dude, he's belting. Nicely done. I love seeing the classics re-worked well.

Judd: Rocking. The hobbit last season played this card with that Elvis song. I don't think it'll hold up. Energetic performance tho.

Joseph: Good voice, but very broadway/easy-listening. Safe. Cutey, tho. He's very smooth.

Mario: He reminds me so much of a circa-1982 Michael Jackson, but this song makes me think of Gloria Estefan. I don't know the song, and I think I'd be more into it if I did. Finally, some entertainment.

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Fashion Police Calling Paula

By Faith

Sweetie, what the fuck were you wearing tonite? Is the one fake-sleeve business the next Jacksonesq weirdness? And that cape/not really a cape dealie. What is that? Some pseudo superhero halloween costume?

Get a new stylist, dearie. And lay off the weed while getting dressed.

Thanks.

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Guys Night Out 2-21

By Michele

Yep, I'll be live blogging the show tonight. Stay tuned.

Continue reading "Guys Night Out 2-21"

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My Picks

By Tanya

I know I should really watch the next two shows before I decide this. I have no idea who half of these people are, but hopefully there's a good reason for that. However:

Girls: Lindsey, Mikalah, Nadia
Boys: Anthony, Anwar, Mario

Don't kill me, please.

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My Picks

By Faith

I'm picking without reading anyone else's picks, just in case.

Favorites: Anthony Federov and Nadia Turner
Will go farther than she should: Mikalah Gordon
Never should have been there in the first place: Bo Bice
Just want to lose: Constantine Maroulis
Will lose based solely on looks: Scott Savol

OK. Don't hate me. ;)

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My Picks

By Michele

Because it matters so much to you, I know.

Suprisingly to some, I am not picking Constantine. Sure, I've been all over him from the start, but while I may be a bit smitten by him, I'm not blind to the fact that he got where he is on chutzpah alone and he does not have the talent - nor the personality - to take it to the American Idol limit.

My three guys:

Anwar Robinson
Mario Vasquez
Joseph Muren (I pick him mainly because he's a Long Islander and we work on the same court system. I know, how qualifying).

My three gals:

Mikalah Gordon - She really won me over last week. Her giddiness and sheer happiness at being selected was really charming.
Carrie Underwood - She will be a star some day, even if she doesn't win this thing.
Nadia Turner

I'll be live blogging tonight at 8pm (EST). I'm ready to get this voting started.

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February 18, 2005

Idol News

By Stacy

A (semi-) interesting story here on Yahoo about the past performing experience of this year's Idol group. Some choice tidbits:

Amanda Avila, 23, from Rowland Heights, California, sung, and lost, on a January 2003 episode of CBS' now defunct Star Search revival.

NO! Shocking.

Touted on Idol as the rock guy (or one of them, anyway), Constantine Maroulis, 29, of New York City, also is a working actor. He's toured the world in Rent--the Las Vegas Review-Journal last year said the production was "greatly hurt" by his "bland performance"--and appeared in productions of Hedwig & the Angry Inch and Macbeth.

Constantine = bland? The deuce you say!

Vonzell Solomon, 20, of Fort Myers, Florida, presumably has braved snow, sleet and hail as a carrier for the U.S. Postal Service (although maybe not so much of the snow, being based in the South and all). Last year, she released her first album/demo, My Struggle, which, in an cringe-worthy coincidence, bears the same title as Hitler's autobiography/screed.

Oh dear.

Should make for some interesting shows, eh? Christ, I hope so.

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February 17, 2005

The Final 24

By Michele

Below, the list of the final 24 contestants. Who are you pulling for?

Continue reading "The Final 24"

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February 16, 2005

Wednesday is for Weeping

By Stacy

My colleagues here calling for the Oscar for Best Scenery Chewing to go to Miss Faith nailed it. What a load of horsecrap. "..doors closed in my face...I tried so hard to get y'all to like me..." Bleh. When she began walking down the street aimlessly, in her tiny little skirt and high heels, I said to my husband, "Yeah, honey just keep on walking down that street, you'll walk straight into a new career." He laughed so hard he farted.

Ok, so you had to be there.

Mikalah is a hoot. When I see her I start to smile. She's the most gorgeous girl in school who's friends with everyone because she possesses no artifice. How her mother accomplished that I'd like printed up in book form, please.

Bye Tammy. If I had to listen to your weeping throughout the rest of the competition, I think I would have hanged myself.

So pleased with the preponderance of non-boy band singers making the final cut...Constantine, Scott Savol and that Bice guy. You go, boys!

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Don't stop believin'

By Robyn

journey
[journey]
NOUN: 1a. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip. b. A distance to be traveled or the time required for a trip: a 2,000-mile journey to the Pacific; the three-day journey home. 2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage: the journey of life. 3.The most overused phrase in reality TV.


It's a good thing I'm pregnant, because the American Idol "journey" drinking game would probably flatline me tonight!

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2/17 Notes [updated]

By Michele

Yea, you probably found Mikalah annoying, but I thought that whole thing was just adorable.

----

Hey, Yolanda Faith? Seek therapy.

--

You know, I do feel sorry for some of these people. But getting cut from American Idol is NOT the end of the world. And blaming everyone but yourself for your loss is not going to endear you to record company people who may be watching. Or any future fans.

And yay for my Dreadlock guy.

Well, you just knew Mario was going through. NO real suprises so far tonight.


Shit. That stupid rock guy made it, so Constantine probably won't.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONSTANTINE GOES THROUGH!!!!!!

I am a happy American Idol camper tonight.

Update: That was Faith, not Yolanda who needs the therapy. Jesus, girl. You should be an actress, not a singer.

And I'm glad at least one of my AI colleagues agrees that Mikalah is awesome.

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Tuesday Night Rumble

By Stacy

Had to catch last night's Idolatry on TIVO thanks to kid homework, etc. etc., and, today, just one thought springs to mind:

Paula Abdul is evil and I eagerly look forward to the day her contestants rise up and SLAY HER. </Lewis Black>

It wasn't much of a surprise, which room was to stay and which was to go. You could tell who was history by who was included in the room. When I saw Desmond Meeks, I knew his room was toast. Same for the chipmunk-voiced Aa'isha. Now I'm all for self-confidence, but it would be handy for some of these kids to learn the difference between that and outright arrogance. Aa'isha, for instance, can kiss my entire Cherokee ass, and I sincerely hope she winds up washing cars somewhere. Meeks was astonished he didn't make it, wasn't he. That's because he's never actually seen himself perform, I'm sure.

Too bad about Jennifer Todd, the chunky torch singer, but her massive double chin was just too distracting, I think. To be brutally honest, I sincerely doubt whomever is producing the end product of the American Idol winner really wants to spend very much time and money shaving 100 lbs off their winner. It's not fair, and there's a HUGE double standard for women (see Ruben Studdard), but it's the reality of show business.

I see the stereotypical redneck Jaclyn Crum made it through...for now. *muwhahahaha* It's really a pity she has a legitimate voice...a pity because she's like a low-rent Britney Spears, if your mind can imagine that without shattering like cheap stemware.

Looking forward to tonight's carnage. Pleasepleaseplease let Miss Waterworks get the boot. Pretty please?

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No More Whitney

By Broken

Please, please just stop. Stop now. Stop picking Whitney Houston songs to try and demostrate the "range" you think you have. I hate to admit it, but as much as I despise that creepy crack-addled whore, she can (or at least could at one time) sing better than almost anyone. Any Idol wannabe who therefore picks one of her songs is just digging their own grave at light speed. You can't ever measure up to her range, nor can you even hope to improve on her song, so why even try? It's a one way road to failureville.

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February 15, 2005

Idol 2/15

By Tanya

Room One:

- The first two women were good, but I don't recognize anyone I love.
- I don't like Angel Higgs.
- Guess: this room's gone.
- I do like the hoarse girl. Rashida. She looks like Aretha, too.
- I like the preacher too, but I'm staying with my guess.
- Result: Gone.

Room Two:

- Jamar's hideous. Can they de-slut him? Writing his own song is very ballsy. They'll eat that up.
- Mario. The guy all the girls love. His mom called him "bubbie." Very sweet, but they're going to find her body in a river. Damn. His voice is CLEAN. I'm not sure I've noticed him before, other than commenters here screaming about how kewt he is.
- Matthew Kester. Nice high note. Very nice.
- Guess: They're in.
- Oklahoma girl. Carrie. I don't like country, so it's hard to judge. She has a lot of heart and great teeth.
- Constantine's in this room.
- Judd - belting Mustang Sally. He's totally got the crowd. That's probably enough for the judges.
- Oh. Anwar's in there. They're definitely in.
- Vonzell - a lot of "uh"s (I feel-uh) but not bad.
- Result - In.

Room Three:

- My redhead's in room three.
- Desmond Meeks is the guy Paula cried for. That's bad news.
- Guess: This room's gone.
- Jennifer Todd has a great voice, but she's not an idol.
- Carrie Zaruba has a nice bar room voice. Too smoky for this show.
- Is Asia Aa’shia like 11? Her mom's loud. She reminds me of my baby sister, except my baby sister can sing. This chick sounds like a chipmunk.
- Larry Ellis has very nice range, but that note was so flat.
- Ross definitely scats decently, but I wouldn't have gone that route, and he was very unhappy with it.
- Result: Gone.

Room Four:

- Anthony Federov and Nadia Turner are both in there. This room's obvious.
- Guess: They're in.
- 1513 is a little kid (Beautiful disaster, but not the 311 song?) and her voice sounds dead to me.
- 37691 has a nice voice but bad nerves.
- Scott Sowel does have a great voice, but he's overdramatizing tonight.
- Mikalah, the baby. I love this song, but Lisa Simpson did it better. She has incredible heart, especially for a 16 year old.
- Lindsey Cardinale - another bar voice. I loved her in New Orleans, tho.
- A lot of these people are losing me, but I'm sticking with my guess because two of the best are in the room.
- Jessica Sierra looks exactly like Ginger Spice. Again, I'm no judge of country, but she has good spirit.
- Result: In.

Endgame:

"There ain't no next year" is so the wrong attitude (if you're under 28). If you think like that, you don't deserve to make it.

44 left. 20 more go tomorrow. Fortunately they have the sense to run it after Lost.

(cross-posted, as usual. i'm boring like that.)

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February 09, 2005

Wednesday Night Drama

By Michele

Live from Hollywood! Ok, live from my living room.

All the previews for tonight's show make it look like drama central - but we'll see if the hype lives up to the reality. Ready?

It's group action tonight, with the contestants being forced to peform with each other.

Of course, they do this not for any talent judging reasons, but to force antagonism and conflict. Which seems to be working.


Constantine is a dead ringer for the lead singer of this group.

[Live blogging may be a bit slow tonight due to other obligations]

Wooo! Constantine goes through!

Rachel/Carrie/Elizabeth 0 for 3 from me. Horrid.

Rachel and Carrie stay and YES, Elizabeth the Honk Kong Hooker (see failinator) goes home.


My boy Mario is up now. And Anwar, my other favorite. I like this whole trio. And they all make it through!

Next up, Janay, Gina and Natalie. None of them do much for me. Maybe I'm just biased against the chicks?

Natalie goes home, the other two stay.

Aaron = Danzig light. That's not a compliment. His whole group sucked.

Paula is whining again about not getting her way. Timothy stays, Danzig and his buddy go home, Simon and Paula hug and world peace breaks out.

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Idol 2/8

By Tanya

Anthony Federov's voice is so pure. I'd hate to see him relegated to doing top 40, but I guess it's better than nothing.

How lame do you have to be to get on a tour bus instead of the audition bus? And stay on it thru the whole tour?

Yeah, that Ross guy. I do like the redhead crooners. He's not as cute as John Stevens, but at least he's legal.

If that Mulfetta guy had made it, I might have had to boycott. He sounds like a South Park reject.

Nadia rocks. And Scott and Anwar (also very cute).

{The OC "redefined a generation?" That's just sad. A whole generation of badly-dressed sluts who can't act.}

Farmboy needs to stop touching his belly.

I like Constantine, but I like Aaron Kelly better.

I like the hell out of Mikalah, even if she is obnoxious. She has an awesome voice and balls of steel for her age.

I'm glad that whiny chick decided to go home on her own. I was sick of her shit after the first "waaaaaaaaaaa." I understand being homesick, but cowboy up or shut up, wuss.

(cross-posted, with minor changes)

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February 08, 2005

It's TOOOOSDAY

By Stacy

Ok, got to this very late tonight due to unforseeables, but CHRIST WHAT A BUNCH OF NAMBY PAMBY LOSERS!!!

Ok, I feel a little bit better now.

The Failinator and Successinator have been updated...well, as updated as they can be with half the denizens of unknown fate. Those sporting a "??" under Status are assumed to be passed through since they weren't actually shown in the individual audition episode. Which means, DAMMIT, that Desmond freak gets another shot. Meh.

Added white trash poster girl Jaclyn Crum to the Failinator due pretty much solely to her emotional freak-out over the set of the inexplicably popular show The O.C.. I'm going to start calling my kids the K.T. and the M.T. And my car the H.E. Soon, no one will have a freaking clue what I'm talking about and I'll be committed to a state institution. Have I mentioned I believe the entertainment industry is in sore need of a kick straight in the ass?

Good for the Misha chick for shoving it all and going home to her son. Kinda worried about that "sleeping in my bed" thing, but hopefully he's only like 2 or so.

Mikalah Gordon. Honey, I hated you in auditions, thought your voice was mediocre at best...but you've got balls, girl. I hope you go all the way to the twelve, just to keep them honest.

Still love the OK farm girl, if the competition wasn't rigged to have a guy win this year, I'd totally be rooting for you to go all the way.

Ok, S.T. out. *snerk*

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You can take the girl outta Oklahoma...

By Robyn

How to tell you've dropped a small town girl from Oklahoma (Carrie Underwood) into the middle of Hollywood... Ask her if she's seen any stars yet, and get a "no" reply because "the sky has been cloudy".

Obviously this household is pulling for her, but I hope Carrie's future auditions are a bit less lackluster than the first one she put up this evening!

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2/8 Idol Chatter

By Michele

Live, from Hollywood! Finally. So glad the audition stage is over, as I couldn't stand to hear from another Stevie Wonder crooning/William Hung imitating/Kelly Clarkson wannabe.

Like our new format?

And we're of....

Kerry: No oomph
Jaclyn: Ick.
Sarah: Flat.
Tamesha: Off key. NO way.

Is it me or are all these girls off tonight?

Kerry makes it, so does Sarah, Tamesha goes home. I missed the rest. Don't people know not to call me during the show?


Anthony of the heartwarming story is up - I really love his voice, even if he is a Clay lookalike.

Michael - he sounds like he has lockjaw.

Yay, Anthony made it, Michael didn't. Good choices. And we don't have to listen to Paula as much this round, which makes for much more pleasant viewing.

The chick with the wedding ring is coming up. FAIL, BABY, FAIL!

Rashida, poor girl has a cold. I feel bad for her, but she still sounded better than half the people who auditioned.

She made it. Good, I didn't want to have to pity the girl.

Amanda. HATE her. I don't know why, I just want to kick her in the teeth.

Love Travis.

They both made it.

I clean up well???

Oh god. It's the Molfetta. He SUCKS. Just. Plain. Sucks.

Oh thank jeebus, Molfetta is GONE!

Robyn has joined the blogging.

Ok, so I jumped the gun when I said we wouldn't have to hear any more Stevie Wonder crooning.

Like Nadia, glad she made it. I like Scott the pudgy face guy, too. And the dread head guy. All my faves are going in!

Shanta's got a nice voice, but that 70's blue eye shadow has got to go. She looks like a freaking clown.

Regina: If I can't express myself, I'll probably die.

Nope, not gonna say it.


YES! GO HOME, BEEYOTCH!

Some of my other faves coming up, including Constantine and the blue haired opera girl.


Patrick? Did you forget to pack your balls?

I think I'm in love with Mario.

Francisco - eh. Too much teeth.

Mario is in!
Patrick is not.
Franc goes home.


Here come the rockers.

Aaron. Bo. Constantine.

And all of them get through.

Briana the opera girl: Too Broadway, I don't think she can pull off pop music. She's too good for pop, anyhow. And she's going home.

Mikala- I DESPISE her.

And that's it for tonight - tomorrow looks full of drama and angst. Just like we like it.

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February 02, 2005

2/2 Idol Chatter

By Michele

Coming up...

Tonight's auditions are from San Fran - the guest judge is Brandy.

First up - Albert and his ego.

No thank you. Move out the way, Albert.

---

2. I wasn't looking at the tv and thought it was a girl talking.

Yikes. I think my neighbor's cat just died. OH, that poor guy. I think he really believed in himself.

--

3. Jamie: Left My Heart guy - Wow. I like.

4. Guy with the hat - nice voice, but no ooomph. Of course, Paula like him. He just seems to plain to me.

They liked the hat guy better? WHY? Thank jeebus for Simon, the only one with sense.

--

5. Please. Spare me. I don't care what her voice sounds like, she's a hobag who will be recognized by the back of her head some day.

--

6. Justin and his mom. Nice voice. Crazy ass mom.
"Thank God, I can live vicariously through my son!!!" Holy chill pill, lady. Now I want this guy to go on the failinator, thanks to his mom's hystrionics.
---
7. Michael, who is in touch with his essence.

I think his essence just took a shit all over him.

Next.

--

8. Christopher, who is going for a Napoleon Dynamite look. But doing original rap. This should be fun.

Two words for Christopher: Snow. Informer.

And once again, Paula is on CRACK.

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9. Well, she's got the look of a star in the making. Nice voice. Nothing snarky to say about her.

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10. Guy with sunglasses - once again, thank you for nothing, William Hung.

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11. Jessica. Oh yawn. More Whitney. And there go my windows. And she is not what we call reality-based.

Ok, they just got punked. From Fark:


That white rapper "Christopher Noll" was definitely comedian Chris Wylde, whose real last name is Noll.

12. Cruise ship, opera singer guy. Doing Aretha Franklin.

I think his voice just gave me a seizure.

--

13. Ivan. Doing Queen.

I've sung this song better. After drinking 12 shots of Sambuca. Really.

They think he sounded just like him? These people are insane. Because I know I'm not.

I love Simon. And I miss LL.

Ok, the cow jokes were funny.

---

14. And it's the nightly Molfetta brother show.

Orlando. Home of the boy bands. Go there.

And that's another week of AI. Look for new entries on the Failinator and Successinator tomorrow.

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February 01, 2005

Late to the Party

By Stacy

Sarah does have a magnificent voice, but I must second the troll analysis below. Great self-esteem in her, good for her. And hey, full body hug from LL. *rowr*

---

Scott, you're white, ok? You're not from the 'hood. You're not.
Update - It really torques me you can actually sing.

---

I'd love to have LL Cool J over to dinner.

---

What in the hell is with the return of the 70s shags for men? Stop it. Right now.

---

Stupid mime. People who waste my time with this gimmicky crap should be subject to twenty lashes.

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Farm boy - Can you be that gay and wear overalls? Is that allowed? Very nice voice, though.

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When Randy says, "You can blow", do you think that's an approbation or a suggestion? Just axing.

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Dear gods, the sisters couldn't SING, why are they freaking crying over being told 'no'? STOP MISLEADING YOUR FAMILIES!!!

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Briana Davis, buy a mirror. And why are you wasting your operatically-trained voice on a pop competition, eh?

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Anthony Federov - Pulling for you, boy. You have a fine voice and you are not so insufferably full of yourself. Plus, you totally grabbed your girlfriend's ass when you came out with your golden ticket. You go, boy.

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White Boys? That wasn't singing, that was yelling. Girl, you made my dog bark.

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Eschine, honey...you didn't hit one single note. Not one.

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Ryan Miller - Body double for Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights. "Hey...uh, you wanna see my car?"

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Vonzell Solomon - You know, I think you can actually sing, but you were too busy adding vocal fillips in there. Stop showing your ass and show your voice instead, dummy.

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Lookit Cingular, getting the major ad space in there by offering the winners a phone to call home. Smoov, fellas.

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Desmond Meeks - Another one I will watch in the hopes of witnessing his mortal embarrassment. You know, the producers really need to tell Paula to get her tootsie roll when the cameras ain't rolling.

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Next week...San Francisco: Michael Jackson impersonator, I will NEVER understand you people. JP FREAKING Mulfetta??? WTF am I being inflicted with these losers this year? WHY???

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2/1 Idol Chatter

By Michele

Welcome back for another night of Idol chatter.

Tonight's auditions are from Orlando and Cleveland.

LL Cool J in the HOUSE!

You'll notice a few new additions to the right sidebar - the Failinator and the Successinator. Let's see if anyone gets added to either chart tonight.

Keep it here for live Idol talk for the next hour.

--

1: And we start off with another person who thinks that singing through your nose is effective.

Either I'm a really bad judge of what's good or they're just letting the most mediocre people in this year.

---

2: (Sarah) Eek! Not a bad voice, but she looks like she just crawled out from under a bridge.

---

LL has the greatest smile. Just thought I'd share that.

---

3. (Scott) Smooooth voice. I like. A lot.

::sniff:: that was touching.

---

5. Mime - dumb ass gimmick. Stupid. Attention. Whore. Simon should get up, kick her in the box and shove her off the stage.

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6. Pat the Farm Boy - Is that a mustache or dirt? Nice voice, though. Randy needs to stop saying "you can blow" to these people.

--

And another set of siblings coming through.

7. Lashanda - Oh, hells no.
8. Leandra - Just...no comment. Why do these families keep telling their kids/sisters/brothers that they are talented?

It pains LL to say no. He's not cut out for rejecting people.

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9. Bree - What. The. Hell. Ok..good voice, but that's not really American Idol stuff, is it? Well, it will be interesting to see how she works that voice in the rest of the competition. I think I like her.

--

10. Anthony - the feel good story of 2005!

He'll be in the finals.

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11. White boys! I love this song. But NOT sung like this. Holy shit, I don't even recognize it. Somebody rip her vocal chords out, please.

----

Two quick contestants a so-so girl and a guy doing a horrid job with a Darkness song.
----

12. Nice voice. Not spectacular, but nice. But, as Ian points out in the comments - a total Whitney.

-

13. Desmond - See, I don't like him. And I just know they will. Well, Randy and Paula will.

Jeez, end it already.

After three years or however long , Paula just doesn't get it.

QUIT. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF JEEBUS, QUIT, PAULA!
Better than James Brown? And the What Is Paula On Tonight watch goes to......CRACK.

She is out of her freaking MIND and Randy is no better. If I was Simon I would kick them both in the head. Hard. Twice.

And that's a wrap for tonight. I need to go make a Paula voodoo doll.

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