January 27, 2005

Fail, Beeyotch!

By Stacy

That's right, Mufaletta, Moofalooto, whatever the hell your name is...you journeyed all the way to LV to force your faux-'hood tenor on the judges once again, and I watch the rest of the episodes with one single goal in mind: to see you fail miserably when the real competition starts. Son, if I had a catapult, and a wall to breach, you would be my ammo of choice. *splat*

Most in need of chaining to the bottom of the nearest reservoir: the lumpy *cough* psychic with the dipthong problem. "I can't help falling in love wit you..."? *shudder* No, thanks. Really.

And hurray for the fat girl with the torch singer voice! I hope she kicks arse when the actual singing gets started.

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January 26, 2005

Bad, bad Leroy

By Michele

My favorite performer of last evening, Leroy Wells, aka ODB, won't be coming back for another try. He's in jail.

While millions of American Idol fans kept it locked into Leroy, Leroy was locked up behind bars for failing to appear in court.

The 22-year-old Grand Bay, Alabama native wowed fans with his rendition of "Got Your Money" by O-D-B. Even though he wasn't able to watch his performance from home, sheriff’s deputies tell NBC 15 they did allow Leroy and other inmates to watch American Idol from jail.

Mobile Police spokesman Marcus Young says Leroy Wells was arrested earlier this month for reportedly shooting a hand gun into an occupied vehicle. “Apparently they were arguing over how the cars were in the roadway at which time Mr. Wells allegedly shot the victim in his hip,” Young says.

Looks like he took the whole ODB thing just a bit too far.

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American Idol 1/26 Discussion

By Michele

I'll be posting during the show again starting at 8EST- feel free to discuss the show here as it happens.

Tonight's audtions are from Vegas. How many Elvises (Elvi?) will we see?
--


So, raise your hand if you knew Kenny Loggins was still relevant.

First contestant: She's 16? She looks like a used up 30 year old.

I think she was ghastly. I find myself agreeing more and more with Simon lately.
"Maybe someday I can buy my mom those implants she always wanted." You go, girl.

Second: Nice eyes, Jeffrey. They going to pop out soon?

Oh geez, he's constipated. And, he's out.

Third: Oh, yay. A Real. Live. Vegas. Showgirl! Thrilling.

Eh. Leaving me flat (unlike her chest, ba-dum-dum). Will be interesting to see how the boys like her.

Oh gee. What a surprise. She's going to Hollywood.

And tonight's What's Paula On guess is........do they still make Quaaludes?

Fourth: The first of the Elvi. He's about two steps up from being William Hung.

Fifth: One of the boy band brothers from last night is back.

Ugh, he got through. This season is going to be based on mediocrity.

Sixth: Annoying factor: 10
Holy shit, she just broke my window.
Her second song isn't so bad - I just don't like her.

This show is really annoying me tonight.

Seventh: Yes. 28 years old. In DOG years.

It took my a full 20 seconds to figure out what he was singing.

That was just retarded.

Eight: Another brother act - his brother tried out in Season 2. And yes, the no talent gene runs in the family.

This show is dragging. I wish ODB would come back for a second night.

Nine: Yeeha. It's rodeo time. Cowboy Elvis style.

Oh my god. This is excruciating. If I could go back in time, I would kill William Hung before he ever got on the show. It's all his fault.

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[Time constraints means I have to cut this short here]

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Er...

By Stacy

I would just like to know...WTF could Gene Simmons possibly know about singing?

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January 25, 2005

It's Not About The William Hungs

By Faith

I know the early stages of the show are a lot about showcasing the losers, but it's just gone way too far this season. Mary. The plethora of attempts to feature the weirdest of the worst tonite. These people seem fake, affected, in a sub rosa competition to be the next William Hung. Our local news tonite was flashing "evaulating the worst of the worst, who will be the next William Hung" as a lead story. I was too sick to tune in for it.

Not to put too fine a point on the campy fun that is AI, but isn't this about finding GOOD people? The prior season's pre-Hollywood shows seemed at least as focused on the good, if not more so. Now it's this forced freak show trying to replicate the popularity of one guy that's equally admired and reviled. That kind of spontaneous thing can't be replicated, and replicating it is certainly not what AI is supposed to be about.

I, for one, can't wait until this fake crap is over and we can get into the real competition.

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American Idol 1/25 Discussion

By Michele

I'll be posting during the show ( in extended entry so as not to spoil anything for West Coasters); feel free to discuss the show here as it happens.

Oooh, we've got heavy metal misogynist Gene Simmons on tap as guest host tonight.

Continue reading "American Idol 1/25 Discussion"

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January 21, 2005

Mary Roach, Superstar?

By Michele

Willingly or not, Mary Roach has become a household word. I'm still of the thinking that Mary is a cunning publicity whore who is putting us on; others believe that Mary is clinically crazy.

Either way, Mary's new found fame may rival that of William Hung, at least in the novelty department. I don't think she'll be appearing on album covers, but I bet she'll be making tv appreances soon. Maybe Dr. Phil, maybe in cartoon form on South Park. Mark my word - Ms. Roach will be ubitquitous until something more interesting happens on Idol. To wit:

Entertainment Weekly - There's Something About Mary
Meet Mary Roach
Mary Roach, American Idol SUPERSTAR!

And, of course, the sure fire sign that you are an internet phenom:

Mary Roach contact info for sale on eBay

You know, I love American Idol. I really do. But I think we each have to admit that AI has brought upon us some of the worst entertainment figures of the 20th century. Mary Roach is just the latest.

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January 20, 2005

A PSA

By Michele

ATTENTION:

PLEASE STOP LYING TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT THEIR SINGING TALENTS, AMERICA!

It makes the baby jeebus cry.

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Madre De Dios

By Stacy

Curse William Hung, curse him for the crap-tastic retarded gravy train he is. He's the only reason I can come up with for the preponderance of FREAKS that are being allowed through this year. Surely they do pre-screening, do they not? If not, why hasn't Simon opened fire with an AK yet?

I agree with Michele, the ring-hocking woman I will watch just to savor the salty sweetness of her UTTER DEFEAT. Bleh.

From Wednesday night, seriously pleased with Ozzie Smith's kid, how he's actually able to sing and not the usual in-your-face talentless dreck. Well, I was pleased until he spoke of how his advancement was a paean to all those in St. Louis who were "held back". Held back? Is there a fascist dictatorship in the midwest we are unaware of? No, you say? Quel surprise.

The cruise ship kid was pitiful, wasn't he? Another case where his family has told him all his life what a golden god he is, only to have his hopes dashed by the cruel Brit.

And the music teacher who squeaked through, weeping HUGE crocodile tears over her student's failure to get a pass. ACT-ing! Ah well, it will probably work out for the best. Did anyone else get totally squicked when he said they were going to have lots of "fun" in Hollywood? *shudder*

Hurrah for the farm girl! Genuinely cute, and totally did justice to that Bonnie Raitt song.

To the excruciatingly short girl/boy who came into the audition room singing: Pick a gender, wipe some of that self-love off, and tell yo momma that you ain't all that, chips not included.

I tell you people right now, Simon is my favorite person on this benighted show. He's tired, he's cranky, he's bored with mediocrity. And I am with him six thousand percent. I look forward to the day he vaults over the table, albeit in a stodgy British sort of way, and mic-whips some smart mouthed little punk who believes his rendition of WHATEVER is the best thing since Stairway.

It's going to be a LONG season, stock up on the scotch now, people.

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Idol Chatter

By Michele

So, here's the burning question of the day for those of us (wo)man enough to admit that we watch American Idol:

Was Mary simply
a)an actress looking to get noticed
b) just another person looking to cash in on the William Hung gravy train
or
c) a mentally disturbed individual?

I'm thinking it was (b) but I know a lot of people leaning towards [c]. And if the answer is [c], is that explotation or entertainment?

Oh, I'm not going to lie. I was definitely entertained by Mary. In an uncomfortable sort of way.

My favorites from last night: the Rasta guy (good voice, nice charm) and the rock guy (not a great voice but at least his back story would provide the drama that last season was clearly missing).

Hated: The chick who sold her wedding ring to pay her way to the auditions. I don't know why, just a bad vibe I got from her and her stringy husband.

Best part of last night: Ogling Mark McGrath. Hated his band, love his look.

Last thought: Is it me, or did all the singers sound no better than average? And when will someone break out of the mold and choose a really offbeat song?

Update: Is it me or does Paula seem, ummm.....subdued? No, not subdued. Sedated. That's it. No, no. Maybe like.... she's been shot with an elephant tranquilizer? Yea.

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