February 21, 2006

Girls Night #1

By Stacy

Ok, seriously late, but here goes...

Mandisa - I like her a lot, and applaud the song choice, but the entire performance was just sharp. She's going to have to do better.

Kelly - Tired of her already. And her voice is like one key on a piano being hammered over and over by a six year old. No depth.

Becky - I'm sorry but she's never going to be anything but a Maxim girl. I did absolutely cherish her look of dismay when Simon said, "the bod's a 10 but that ain't good enough here." She was completely bewildered..."why don't my tits work? Are these things even on???"

Ayla - This girl should be illegal...tall, gorgeous, athletic, and with a fantastic singing voice. I like her, but she's not really exciting.

Paris - Other than the tragic accessorizing, very good. She ain't Gladys, but then Gladys ain't even Gladys anymore. Someone needs to warn her of the dangers of tube tops during energetic performances, however.

Stevie - Hate, hate, hate everything about this girl. So much so that I'm officially changing my Failinator pick to her from the Freak McPhee. Bad performance, and even worse judge-suck-up-ing afterwards.

Brenna - If there is any justice in the world, this little chip-on-her-shoulder-havin' hoor will forget how to speak English and demand to be exported to Venezuela.

Heather - Decent enough singing job, if a bit wooden, and very bad song choice. Girlfriend needs to lay off the shoulder reps though before the Steelers attempt to sign her.

Melissa - She's the Jessica Sierra of this season: decent voice, instantly forgettable, will go much further than you think she ought.

Lisa - Fan-freaking-tastic, as always. Her breath control is simply astounding for someone her age. Unless she barfs up an actual lung she is going to be in the final two.

Kinnik - I spent her entire performance worried that she would accidentally swallow Seacrest. Elegant, yes, but much in the same way a well-funded tranny can be elegant. Never should have been chosen for this round.

Katharine - I had her in my Failinator until tonight. Tonight she took a song dear to my heart and p3ned it, so she gets a reprieve. At least until she does something else ickysticky that makes me want to shower with vodka and a sandblaster.

Bring on the boys! I've been declared an Ace-Licker, and sit ready to be proven completely wrong.