January 24, 2006
And so, with Sabrina, begin the "y'alls." Oh, and the loud != goods. ("Y'all stole mah sistah" cracked me up! I'm amazed that Simon can do a southern accent.)
How much weight has Randy gained back? Not all of it, but he had gastric bypass less than two years ago. Ow.
Cachet sounded to me like she might have a voice underneath the pitch and key and pace problems. With a lot of training maybe.
Kelly Pickler is a cutie pie! "Mascara down to my ankles." What a sweetheart. Stunning voice, and she's not "loud" she's strong. Ok, currently she's my pick to win.
If Shawn shaved, aged 20 years, and bought a jacket that fit, he might be hot. Yes. I was thinking wedding singer, but I'd buy singing waiter.
Richard Garland. Somebody brought a ventriloquist dummy last year. Yawn. Creepy and yawn. Hey. At least he brought a voice too. Well, meh. He should come back with a real song.
Sarge. I guessed from the interview that he was going to really suck. I really want to hate him, but I can't quite manage. He has such a charming personality. For a schmuck. And I love me some Marvin. His wife's adorable too.
This is the weirdest show.
Who does Halicia look like? Angela Bassett? Nice! Go mama.
Donny: Ouch. Somebody needs to kneecap the vocal coach.
Kendra. Damn, started college with three kids and got herself out of public housing? Tough chick. And she does have Tyra's eyes. Nice voice. Not exciting, but good. But I love her attitude and sense of humor.
Kenneth. Nah. Community opera. But, what do I know?
Chonna's on her coffee break from the pussycat lounge. Not a bad voice, really.
Brandon. Please stop with the hiccup.
Jeffrey "Ryan" - Not exciting but good. Nicely calm but not quite narcoleptic.
Cedric. Honey, no. We discussed falsetto last week.
Paris... Whoa. Holy Hannah. God, she gave me chills. Her speaking voice kills me, but.... Yes yes yes! Do Billie! Wow. I'd like to change my vote.
Marcus. "Approximately three?" Could you narrow that down? God, I actually did that the first time I ever auditioned for a musical in school. Exactly that. But I was nine.
And speaking of narcoleptic... Jimmy. You know how vinyl records would get a little bit warped and make that "wobble" sound?
Sammy. Heh. It's Matt from The Biggest Loser. Before he stopped drinking. In near-drag.
Tyra is very cute. Beautiful voice. She looks like someone too. Uma Thurman?
Seth. Ah. Someone please slit my wrist.
Jordan - Nice pseudo-fireman. Cool tone. He's likeable enough.
Rhonette "always dresses.... nice like this." Up next, an interview with her priest for confirmation on that. Please, for the love of all that's holy, suck it in. Yeah, sweetie, we'll see you on tv soon. In deep throat 14.
See y'all tomorrow.