January 24, 2006
Auditions 3, January 24th
By Michele
Ready to roll for night 3!
Like I said last night, I've had enough of these ridiculous auditions from people who know damn well they suck, but just want to get their faces on tv. I want to see the GOOD stuff this time! And the mouths on these chicks this year! Wow.
Oh great. A shower singer. Aren't we all?
I will repeat the Tanya mantra: screaming != singing
Haha the Over the Rainbow chick sounds just like Salad Fingers
Blah blah hard life blah blah. Can you SING?! I don't do pity picks.
Owen in the comments makes a good point - she's Carrie Underwood.
Oh man. This guy in the suit is a douche bag. Eh, he can carry a tune, but he's not doing anything for me.
Simon sure has got his nasty on early this season. Ok, the little brother is an even bigger douche bag.
Ohmysweetjesus. I hate ventroliquists.
He has an ok voice, but the dummy has made me hate him.
Pink hat girl sounds like an elf who was kicked in the nuts.
I think Paula just came in her pants. Someone needs to wipe her seat down.
I think I'm just jaded after four years. No one is thrilling me.
Ok, that mouth thing cracked me up. I think I like this chick. Alisha? I don't remember her name.
Again, I ask: WHY DO THE FAMILIES OF THESE PEOPLE ENCOURAGE THEM? That's just cruel.
This Whitney chick is giving me a headache and she hasn't sung yet.
Ok, this show is getting really boring and predictable. I know exactly who Paula and Randy are going to pick each time. Is it me or are the people they're picking to go through just average?
Oh. My. Chase.
Wow, his singing voice is very different than he speaks. And he goes through!
Simon is such a dick.
It's a Vegas showgirl!
Did she just say her mom is a stripper? A vampire stripper maybe?
Hey, I think that was Lil Kim!
WTF is he hiccuping??
It's Crocodile Dundee!
I think I dig Ryan.
Holyjumpingjesus. I think a whale just died.
The Dixie Chicks girl (Paris) speaks like Lisa Simpson, but man she can sing. Her and Ryan are going on my short list. I really, really like her.
Put this guy out of his misery.
Ok, let's move on already. This is a waste of my time. YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS LIED TO YOU, MARCUS!
Doing Karaoke is not a pre requisite for singing well. Infact, it probably means you don't.
He looks like he had a three week bourbon bender recently.
personality of a hippo? Simon is running out of insults. And back to the karaoke bar for Jimmy.
Ok, this one looks like the dude from Coheed and Cambria - if he was a girl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Sammy's there on a dare.
Ohmygod, I think we are gonna get a shot of Ronetta's cooter. Someone get me a blindfold. Or a drink.
Nice song choice by Tyra. I dig her.
They're really overdoing it on highlighting the effeminate men this year.
Ok, the Michael Jackson guy? President of the drama club. there to prove to his friends he could get on tv. He'll record the show, make 43 copies of it, and mail one to all his relatives. It will be the closest he ever comes to being an actor.
Ok, enough with Ronetta clips already. Just cut to the chase and show us her skankeriffic act.
Oh for christsake. This whole uniform thing is just ridiculous. This is like the tenth guy in a uniform.
His voice hurts me. Paula is going to like him.
Is it me or have they let the suckiest people through this year so far? That dude was Sucky McSuckerton.
Ronetta: A girl in search of a pole.
Or crack.
This is painful and unecessary. If i wanted to see this shit, I'd walk into any courtroom at work on hooker day.
Yea, we'll see you on tv, Ronetta. America's Most Wanted, maybe.
"You think I'm gonna drink off you? I get paid big bucks for that at Madame Chang's House of Fun, woman!" Well, at least we didn't have to see her cooter.
And that wraps up the longest two hours of my life.
See you all tomorrow night.
"Paula's going to freak out" is supposed to be a teaser? I just sort of assume that's coming.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:12 PM
Nice pipes. But can two Carrie Underwoods win consecutive seasons?
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:12 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, Brian O'Halloran's stunt double has left the building.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:19 PM
What the heck?
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:22 PM
OK this one is the winner of American Cartoon Voice. Hands down.
Posted by: Faith at January 24, 2006 08:22 PM
Why do the producers think we want to watch crappy singers? If I want to watch crappy singers I'll put a mirror in my shower.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:23 PM
I like this girl. Offering to kiss Simon through plastic wrap just makes it better.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:35 PM
You know, his being off-key wasn't even the worst part of that audition.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:38 PM
Owen: No, no it wasn't.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:39 PM
Oooh, this girl I like. (Kendra)
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:41 PM
She missed a few notes, but I love the attitude.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:41 PM
I don't remember ever especially liking anybody this early in the auditions except for Ruben.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:45 PM
It's Pat!
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:47 PM
Huh. Not a bad voice. It might be interesting to see if he can go anywhere. We certainly haven't seen anybody like him before in the competition.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:49 PM
Huh. He's not great, but he actually could sing. I wasn't expecting that.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 08:49 PM
I think the stripper outfit worked against her, even though her honesty was charming. We've seen worse voices go through.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:55 PM
Someone needs to wipe her seat down.
Woohoo! Hazard pay!
Posted by: Tanya at January 24, 2006 08:57 PM
Owen, I don't think what they're looking for in an American Idol is someone whose mom is a stripper!
Posted by: Michele at January 24, 2006 08:58 PM
OK, fair enough.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 08:59 PM
Considering we've already had some contestants arrested for identity theft, I'm not sure "mother is a stripper" is really a problem.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:00 PM
And let's not forget our favorite wife beater.
Posted by: Michele at January 24, 2006 09:03 PM
Can't we? Please?
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:03 PM
Huh. Her speaking voice is awful, but she sings great.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:05 PM
She's a ringer!
May need to develop a personality though.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:06 PM
Wow! Paris is...Wow!
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:08 PM
Marcus - the world's slowest singer
Posted by: sinalco at January 24, 2006 09:15 PM
Wow, I've never heard nose singing like that outside a high school before.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:15 PM
A whole lot of people lied to him.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:17 PM
At least there have been some good singers they let us hear tonight.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:19 PM
Renneta - is she a crazy person just wandering around the hotel ranting to herself or did she audition?
And why do people still insist on doing 80s ers Michael Jackson impressions? Even Michael Jackson moved on from that.
Posted by: sinalco at January 24, 2006 09:20 PM
"80s era Michael Jackson", I meant.
Oh. Please. Stop!
Posted by: sinalco at January 24, 2006 09:22 PM
It's Eminem on downers!
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:24 PM
What is this? Attack of the nasal singers?
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:25 PM
Hey look! It's Frank-N-Furter!
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:27 PM
Attention gay men: Being flamboyant does not equal talent.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:27 PM
Wow...the words ho-bag haven't gone through my mind in quite a while.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:29 PM
Ho-bag, Renetta, that's the connection.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:30 PM
I like this New Yorker girl too. Very unique.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:35 PM
Pretty voice. Amazing clarity.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:36 PM
Ya know, I was president of my drama club and even majored in theater. But after my first audition against Gary Sinese, I saw the writing on the wall.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:40 PM
Heh. I was too, but I was just (very persistent) techie.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:42 PM
I'm not really dissing on the drama club - the daughter is a card carrying member :)
Posted by: Michele Catalano at January 24, 2006 09:43 PM
Buckle your skank belts ladies and gentlemen.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:43 PM
Didn't expect that voice.
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:45 PM
I actually liked fire-guy's voice. But that's clearly the last one I'm gonna like tonight.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:46 PM
How delusional do you have to be?
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:50 PM
By delusional, you mean crack head, right?
Posted by: Michele at January 24, 2006 09:51 PM
oh yeah
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:53 PM
Ahh, the comic relief...
Posted by: owen at January 24, 2006 09:53 PM
I kept hoping she'd step out in traffic and get hit.
Posted by: Ian S. at January 24, 2006 09:53 PM
Ya know, the fireman was kinda good but weird, but other than that, they've stolen the last half hour from me.
Posted by: Timmer at January 24, 2006 09:56 PM
>>I kept hoping she'd step out in traffic and get hit.
I confess that was my little fantasy, as well. *hoooooonk* BAM!! Tboned by a semi trailer, seagulls feast for WEEKS.
Posted by: Sekimori at January 24, 2006 10:52 PM