January 17, 2006

Season Five Premiere

By Tanya

Woohoo! Here we go!

Oh, excellent, my sound is screwing up already. Nice.

Blah, blah, recaps of previous seasons. Seeen it. Ok, and interviews with the auditioners. Nothing exciting, but this is at least what the show is about.

Can we please never show that creepy, open-mouth, slo-mo kiss again ever? Thanks.

Yay!! Already a beautiful voice!! (The granddaughter of some lady?)

36483 - This is the guy that got me all psyched for this season in the commercial. Nice.

Love the crooner, obviously.

Oh, and the bad... Why would you ever do Michael Jackson, even from the thriller days? And nice yellow plaid.

Chicago auditions begin after the break:

I can't imagine camping out in the rain for this. But I'm clearly not Idol material. *shudder*

Derek Dupree gets turned on by himself and his pit stains. Lesson one: Never audition in falsetto. (I can't believe he knew that XTC song!)

And Simon's already in form.

Katrina does Humpty Dance. I actually sorta liked that, but she needed a backup song. That was silly.

Justin... They're just doing this to make me cry.

897 - Heh. The guy in the Dorothy dress with Heidi braids. "I didn't get thru 'cause my legs are too hairy." That rocked.

The Britnam twins are both very nice. How do twins ever end up with the same talent. The twins I know are nothing alike...

The Catfight chick reminds me of Gina Gershon, a little. Nice power. I didn't expect a voice like that, but silly with the Simon thing. Very good. Funny, her name is Gina something. Glosson?

Oy, I hate it when they don't put the really bad one sout of their misery...

Mandisa is very cool. Fallin. Hard to do a recent song, too. Ow. She's not that heavy. Yikes.

Kevin Brenamen looks nine. He's 21? More like a mosquito than a wasp, really.

Charles Barry. Helloooooo sycophancy! (Ok, but that might have been unnecessary cruelty.)

Amanda Rabideau. I didn't think that was that bad. Except for that godawful high note. Great personality, too.

Mad Cowell.

Man, I really wanted that cop to be able to sing, dammit. And what was up with that skip? He must have a bad scratch.

Oy. Derek returns.

Nice prom dress. Eh, not bad, just nasally. Wow, Simon is really being awful.

Derek has the warble.

Liberty dude, that was totally unfair. Killed after one note? I can't beleive Paula didn't call him on that.

Derek again. That was.... yeah.

How much would you pay to see Erik's grandmother and Ryan beat the piss out of Simon?

The Barrett-Smith sisters. Dorks. But cute dorks with gorgeous voices. I'm not sure I can listen to a lot more country music.

Yvette. Ick. Maybe it sounds better with music to cover it up a little? Yow. Simon being cruel again, but the rrrooooooowwwwr comment made me laugh.

Zack Smith doesn't look like a torch song boy. Pretty nice, but get a haircut, Moe.

They're obviously pushing the boys again this season.

Do you ever wonder if some of these people have ever heard their own voices? Even on voicemail?

Oh. Honey. Loud does not equal good. Lesson two.

I can't believe that chick looked straight into the face of a girl with a yellow slip and said "she's not that good." What a loser.

David's a cutie. I wonder if he really looks that much like Harry Connick Jr, or if it's affected. I hope he can do the bland crap they'll want him to do.

Paris Krystal's speaking voice hurts me. Oh my. What an odd voice. Oh, and nice is all gone. Poof.

Hat Analysis. 'K.

Lesson three. Sing in English. We've been through this, Ducks.

Ok, accentless English. How odd that he spoke without an accent, but sang in a foreign language - and she sang in English. (So far, Yuliya is my pick for weird-fame this season)

More twins. Does the singing gene go with the twin gene? They're good too. I like the one that's not Josh better.

What in the hell does Paula have on her hand?! Did you see that giant skull-and-crossbone ring?

Crazy guy David Hoover looks exactly like my old boss in Minnesota. I so hope he sees this. (I thought Ryan was going to club him with that egg lamp)

Could not stop laughing at the Lady Marmelade medley. But in retrospect, I wonder how much of that was staged, because there were several people in there that did other songs.

Anyway. That's it for tonight, and not a moment too soon. My jaw hurts from laughing.

Join us tomorrow. I probably won't be the only one here.... maybe.

Update: Aakk! Seki's blogging! I didn't have time to switch to the main page, so I didn't see you!