March 23, 2005

Bo and Constantine: 15 Years Later

By Michele

I was thinking about Bo and Constantine and what the future holds for them.

[insert wavy lines here]

New Jersey, circa 2020

Constantine Mouralis has been hitting the bat Mitzvah circuit hard and heavy. He's always introduced as "One Time American Idol Contestant Constantine!" and the crowd of thirteen year old kids shrug while the older women hoot, holler and blow kisses at the one time heart-throb. Mouralis does a mixture of rock and pop, once in a while trying to sneak in a song from his former rock band Pray For The Soul of Betty - the band that broke up right after Constantine lost in the final rounds on American Idol . The rock stuff doesn't go over too well with the bat Mitzvah crowd, but Connie -as the ladies call him - knows how to sway those hips and purse those lips so that the old ladies don't complain. Mouralis always ends his one man show the same way - on bended knee, belting out the last notes of Burt Bacharach's This Guy's In Love With You, grabbing the wrinkled hand of Aunt Selma as he gives her a sly wink. If you make Aunt Selma happy, you make the bat Mitzvah parents happy, and that means a bigger tip at the end of the night. The sad part is that more often than not, Connie will have sipped one too many gin and tonics during his performance and he'll actually try to get Aunt Selman to go home with him. Sometimes he succeeds. And sometimes he wakes up with a strong desire to swallow a bottle of cyanide.

Several miles away at the MTV studios in New York, Bo Bice is in make-up, getting ready for another stint on Metal Flashback. Bo had a seminal hit back in 2006 with Wouldn't it Be Bice, an album comprised of death metal versions of Beach Boys songs (Good Vibrations went to number one) but has had a hard time cracking the Billboard charts since. His frequent appearances on MTV shows and VH1 series like I Love the 2000s filled a void left when Scott Ian retired from the music channel filler show circuit.

We look forward to this summer's American Idol 2005 Reunion Tour, and we hope that Scott Savol will be released from jail (where he is being held on gang-related charges) in time for the show.

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I think that bordered on fanfic. I need a shower.

 

Comments

That *is* fanfic, bordering on slash. Get treatment ;)

Posted by: Ian S. at March 23, 2005 01:01 PM

See I always picture Connie having an end more like Dirk Diggler.

Complete with the savage beating. Take that last sentence either way.

Posted by: Gabe at March 23, 2005 01:32 PM

OMG!! This is hilarious!! Love it!

Posted by: Janet at March 25, 2005 11:23 AM