February 22, 2005
Girls Schmirls
By Stacy
The Seacrest scores another funny tonight with the "four people in tears, not my fault, YOUR fault" line.
Stop making me like him. Now.
On to the *cough* performances...
Vonzell: Eh. Nice tube top, but eh.
Amanda: I hate you, I officially hate you. And when Simon said he wanted to be reincarnated as your microphone, I actually threw up a little in my mouth.
Janay: I think they were right in their initial assessment that you would do well in a girl group sitch, ala TLC. You know, just avoid crowded third world intersections.
Carrie: However she does in this competition, she's got a career as a country performer. I sincerely hope someone picks up on that and she gets signed.
Sarah: Get. Off. My. Television. You looked like a Kewpie doll attempting to expel an orange up there. Gads.
Melinda: I'm sorry, Melinda, but you remind me too much of that talentless slitch from Hawaii last year. Out of the boat.
Nadia: Damn, I love this chick, even if she does overly resemble Scary Spice. That was a helluva performance, unintelligible song notwithstanding.
Celena: Another one who needs to get off my tv. Paralyzed with fear, are we?
Mikalah: Oh dear, oh dear. This is so very wrong. Honey, the combination of this song, your frumpy hair and dress, they make you look and sound like you should be pushing this crap across a tiny stage in a dingy nightclub in Boca. You're sixteen for fuck's sake! Try some Maroon 5 or Kid Rock on for size, ya?
Lindsey: Euch. Lingerie goes on the INSIDE. And your song made me sleepy. Really.
The Burger King/Hootie commercial my compatriots are lambasting here made me giddy as a little girl. It reminded me of...something...the Coen brothers, the song "Big Rock Candy Mountain" from O Brother Where Art Thou, and something else that's driving me crayyyyzeeeee!!! *happy*
Jessica: Phil Freaking Collins? What decade do you idiots think this is? The judges keep saying they want "young", "fresh" and "contemporary"...why aren't you listening?? Xst, you're like my freaking five year old.
Aloha: A good, strong performance. But I kept wondering why they forgot to put the pole on the stage...
Actually, Mikalah has turned 17 (picky, picky...). Simon nailed it when he said half of America would love her and the other half would find her annoying--which is the camp I am firmly entrenched in. She sang like the freakin' Nanny fa Pete's sake!
Carrie got my vote, but it almost went to Nadia.
Posted by: Victor at February 23, 2005 08:48 AM
That Mikalah might have lots of personality but she just can't sing I am amazed she's got so far, she should be duetting with Wiliam Hung
Posted by: glad at February 27, 2005 05:30 PM
Pleasee someone send me an email telling me whats the meaning of Schmirls, I looked everywhere and nothing, thanks
Posted by: Lipe at March 3, 2005 06:12 PM