February 02, 2005

2/2 Idol Chatter

By Michele

Coming up...

Tonight's auditions are from San Fran - the guest judge is Brandy.

First up - Albert and his ego.

No thank you. Move out the way, Albert.

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2. I wasn't looking at the tv and thought it was a girl talking.

Yikes. I think my neighbor's cat just died. OH, that poor guy. I think he really believed in himself.

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3. Jamie: Left My Heart guy - Wow. I like.

4. Guy with the hat - nice voice, but no ooomph. Of course, Paula like him. He just seems to plain to me.

They liked the hat guy better? WHY? Thank jeebus for Simon, the only one with sense.

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5. Please. Spare me. I don't care what her voice sounds like, she's a hobag who will be recognized by the back of her head some day.

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6. Justin and his mom. Nice voice. Crazy ass mom.
"Thank God, I can live vicariously through my son!!!" Holy chill pill, lady. Now I want this guy to go on the failinator, thanks to his mom's hystrionics.
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7. Michael, who is in touch with his essence.

I think his essence just took a shit all over him.

Next.

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8. Christopher, who is going for a Napoleon Dynamite look. But doing original rap. This should be fun.

Two words for Christopher: Snow. Informer.

And once again, Paula is on CRACK.

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9. Well, she's got the look of a star in the making. Nice voice. Nothing snarky to say about her.

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10. Guy with sunglasses - once again, thank you for nothing, William Hung.

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11. Jessica. Oh yawn. More Whitney. And there go my windows. And she is not what we call reality-based.

Ok, they just got punked. From Fark:


That white rapper "Christopher Noll" was definitely comedian Chris Wylde, whose real last name is Noll.

12. Cruise ship, opera singer guy. Doing Aretha Franklin.

I think his voice just gave me a seizure.

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13. Ivan. Doing Queen.

I've sung this song better. After drinking 12 shots of Sambuca. Really.

They think he sounded just like him? These people are insane. Because I know I'm not.

I love Simon. And I miss LL.

Ok, the cow jokes were funny.

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14. And it's the nightly Molfetta brother show.

Orlando. Home of the boy bands. Go there.

And that's another week of AI. Look for new entries on the Failinator and Successinator tomorrow.

 

Comments

My brain hurts - not only is this guy a eunuch or something, but he was out of tune half the time.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:06 PM

#2 obviously belongs in San Francisco! "Did anyone ever tell you that you sound like a woman?"
Answer: only my boyfriend!

Posted by: chris at February 2, 2005 08:08 PM

#2: Silly Matthew/Martha -- a skinny black woman? He wishes.

Posted by: Leslie at February 2, 2005 08:10 PM

I guess that settles what happens in a 2/2 tie: Simon wins.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:20 PM

Good thing. Simon's the only one with any common sense.

Posted by: michele at February 2, 2005 08:22 PM

Fantastic voice on #6, elephant tranqs for the mom please.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:24 PM

#7 is why they shouldn't tell people who totally suck that they "need more development", becuase they'll just come back and suck again.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:26 PM

Simon is my hero.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:38 PM

I'm serious - we need a Whitney with a circle-and-slash icon. I'll make my own, but it'll work out better if someone talented does instead ;-)

Posted by: Ian S. at February 2, 2005 08:40 PM

You like Saigon hooker, Simon? Me soooo haawwwwwneeee, me love you long time.

And I immediately recognized that comedian guy, I can't believe they didn't.

And the Queen guy was not good, that was odd.

Posted by: skillzy at February 2, 2005 10:08 PM

The rapper was too amusing/clever to be a loser who really thought he had a chance. And, I almost snorted when he said he was a nanny. Some things are just too perfect (to be true.)

Posted by: Carin at February 3, 2005 08:54 AM

dude. how come nobody has mentioned that Jamie (the crooner who was not wearing a hat) is Anthony Anderson's long lost mexican twin?

speaking of the crooners, i thought they were both better than John Stevens (redhead from last season), and he made the top 10! man, i hated him.

Posted by: mikey at February 3, 2005 12:15 PM

I hated John Stevens. The only reason he made it so far is because the teenage girls dug him.

Far better crooners going to Hollywood so far, but crooners are always a long shot to make it to the end.

Posted by: michele at February 3, 2005 12:26 PM

OH OH, I wanted to mention that I thought Brandy absolutely SUCKED as a guest judge. It was as if she couldn't form an opinion for herself - and was also pretty borderline mean to the sucky people. That should be something that only Simon does.

Posted by: Carin at February 3, 2005 01:40 PM

i would like to see the chick in the net outfit on the failenator. when i saw the previews that showed her crying about how "it's not fair" for next week's show, i just laughed and laughed.

next week should be great gobs of fun with all the pressure squeezing every last ounce of fakeness out of them. that's reality t.v., man!

Posted by: tiffany at February 3, 2005 05:27 PM

Christopher Noll, aka Chris Wylde is a comedian and actor. I think he just did the show as a prank. He definetely punked them and they didn't even know what hit them....or did they hire him to spice things up?

He's been in some about ten movies, comercials and even did an episode of Trading Spaces. He's very talented and for sure should be a star.

Posted by: ewright at February 3, 2005 11:35 PM

Re: Fishnet Ho-bag. Her voice reminds me of Camille from last season, only with even less talent. But her getting through to Hollywood confirmed my suspicions: Simon is saying yes to a handful of contestants just so they can learn a harsh lesson in Hollywood.

I see she has a crying scene next week. But she should cheer up, get on the next bus to the Valley, and find her true calling in pron. They'd probably let her sing there, too, in those moments when she's...unoccupied. Win-win.


Posted by: Ted at February 4, 2005 02:47 PM