January 25, 2005

American Idol 1/25 Discussion

By Michele

I'll be posting during the show ( in extended entry so as not to spoil anything for West Coasters); feel free to discuss the show here as it happens.

Oooh, we've got heavy metal misogynist Gene Simmons on tap as guest host tonight.

First up : Local boy makes good. Nice voice, nice look.

Second: Freak-a-holic. Yodels. YODELS? And, oh lord, another Stevie Wonder song. Is that a 5:00 shadow or dirt? And why do so many people sing through their noses?

Third: If John Waters and Trent Reznor had a baby, this is what it would look like.

Fourth: Nice voice. Boring audition. I need controversy! I need crazy people talking to themselves!

Fifth: Sweeet! It's Napoleon Dynamite! I'm waiting for the dance moves....Hey, at least he has spirit.

Paula looks much less....sedated tonight.

Sixth: Did they just say ten feet tall? It's like Manute Bol swallowed a lounge singer. Eye of the Tiger, baby.

Seventh: Trying. Too. Hard. It's making me cringe. And Paula will undoubtedly love him.

Ok, Paula isn't sedated, but she's still stoned.

I hope Simon bitchslaps her. She's just annoying me.

Eight: Ok, this is just ridiculous. Everyone wants to be noticed, for good or bad. ODB!!!!! He;s doing ODB! Holy shit, I think it IS ODB. He's not dead, he's on American Idol!

Jesus? He's singing Ol Dirty Bastard and he's talking about Jesus? Paula needs to share whatever she's on with this guy.

Honestly, I'd rather they not give so much face time to these attention whores, no matter how funny they are. It only encourages more of them to come out. And it only makes people who can't sing think they can.

Did Randy just say Keep crunk in your life?

As noted in the comments, the wack-factor is on high tonight.

Ninth: I think Simon is smitten.

Tenth: I guess there's a reason I'm not a judge on this show. I think everyone sucks. Including the first set of brothers. I'm just not feeling it.

Eleventh: More brothers. Boy band style. They're going to get kicked off and then find comfort in each other's arms tonight.

I know it sounds like I'm obsessed with Paula, but she looks like she was rolled after a long bender.

Oh, please. Such staged dramatics. Paula and Randy are walking out over the Doublemint boys? If they had any credibility, they would have walked out 30 seconds after ODB started singing instead of egging him on.

I really wish they would show more of the people who are there to, you know, sing. For real.

And that's a wrap. Next week, we have Vegas and Kenny Loggins. Yippie Kay Yay and all that.