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May 03, 2004

77-79: Something old, something new, something to make you feel like you are drowning

I have not forsaken you, my Spirit of America contributors. I have just been sidetracked by a lying jackass, as often happens around here. I still have 20questions to answer and about twelve topic requests to fulfill, and I shall get to every last one of them. Sooner rather than later, I hope. So, we are at 77, I believe. 77. What song is rocking your world right now. By that, I mean a song currently being played on the radio and not an old song. Funny you should ask that. Just yesterday I heard a Jazy Z/Linkin Park collaboration/remix that did indeed rock my world. 99 problems and a bitch ain't one. I happen to be an unabashed Jay Z fan. I think he writes the smartest rhymes in the business and his vocals are sexy smooth; even when he's cursing and complaining, he's making love to your ears with his voice. Runners up to this questions include Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Audioslave's I am the Highway. 78. Now reverse that. What OLD song is rocking your world right now? Hard to say, man. Most of my playlist right now consists of old songs. Currently making the rotation is I Had a Dream Last Night by the Butthole Surfers, Stuck on You by Failure, Anthrax's Inside Out and Crowbar's Planets Collide, which also happens to be the answer to: 79. What's the heaviest song you know? Well, there are all kinds of definitions of heavy - I don't know if you mean heavy lyrically, musically or both. So I'll go with what I define as heavy and that's Crowbar's Planets Collide, as stated above. Sludge rock, as the term for Crowbar-type music has been coined, is just what it sounds like. Listening to it is like being aurally dragged through a swamp filled with thick, dirty mud tinged with soup-like tar. It's a million grey clouds suffocating your very soul. Seriously. This shit is heavy. But it's so damn good. I've been kind enough to upload the mp3 for you. Download here. Lyrics below. There's no inbetween with this one, you'll either love it or despise it. By the way, this is the song I was referencing last week. -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

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May 01, 2004

76: GOTO: NERD

76. What was the nerdiest thing you ever did? I think I just did it. BASICBD.gif -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

Posted by me at 03:37 PM | | Comments (10)

72-75: Bite my shiny, metal ass!

I just completed one goal for the day. Emptied out a storage room, packed up everything from that room in proper boxes, taped and labeled the boxes and vacuumed out the room. I reward myself with coffee and blogging. packy.gifI had a lot of "What's your favorite...." questions in the leftover questions pile (granted, a lot of them are from one person, but I'm trying to get to 100 in the most expedient, yet entertaining manner), so I'll hit those right now. The first was last night's Simpsons question. 72. Favorite Aqua Teen episode MC Pee Pants Look at me, man! I'm a giant spider wearing a disposable diaper. I'm insane, man! 73. Favorite Futurama episode Anthology of Interest II For the Space Invaders/Pac Man sequences alone. You are defeated! Instead of shooting where I was, you should have shot at where I was going to be. Muahahahaha! Anyone who has ever played Space Invaders will understand that quote. 74. Favorite Family Guy episode Death is a Bitch. Because it's the funniest thing Norm McDonald has ever done or ever will do. Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me. Death: Well, that would just leave England 75. Favorite Seinfeld episode Marine Biologist was definitely the best ever, but the second runner up also has my favorite line: What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for!? In context, the funniest line ever spoken on television. Ok, I'm gonna hit the laundry room - I'll back with more favorites later. Only 25 to go! -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

Posted by me at 12:22 PM | | Comments (5)

April 30, 2004

71: Pistols at Dawn

s2517.jpgLots of favorite episodes questions (though I think most of them came in one email). We'll start with this one though, rightfully, the correct answer is: almost all of them. These were the first three that came to mind. 71. Three favorite Simpsons episodes Radioactive Man: My eyes! The goggles do nothing! Tomacco [E-I-E-I-Doh!] Aw Daddy! This tastes like Grandma! Contains the B-52's song Glove Slap, which I've graciously provided for you. Homer the Heretic Kids, let me tell you about another so-called wicked guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know what I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car? You know, I could do this all night. Unless you want to take over. -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

Posted by me at 08:19 PM | | Comments (8)

66-70: Oh my god, she's talking about s-e-x!

66. What's your favorite sexual position? Yea, like I didn't see that one coming. It's position number 27 from the book A Contortionist's Guide to the G-Spot. If you try it, make sure you use diagram B and keep it right side up. Anything else and you'll find yourself in the hospital with a lot of explaining to do. 67. Have you ever sexual relations with a woman and, if so, please describe. Looking for a little masturbatory material? Try here, bud (NSFW). It's free. 68. Who gave you the best orgasm you ever had? Grohe 69. What kind of music do you like to have sex to? I don't. I prefer that we provide the soundtrack. However, if I just had to have a song playing, it would be Rammstein's version of Depeche Mode's Stripped. 70. If you had the chance to give Yassir Arafat an STD, which STD would it be? Dude. Do you mean that I would have to give it to him personally? Even if I had an STD to give him, you just could not make me touch him. This conjures up all kinds of thoughts, the most prominent thought being one of vomiting continously until the image of Arafat naked in the same room as me is purged from my existence. Worst. Question. Ever. -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

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65: dollars for my forced thoughts

I'm throwing this in here as a question even though someone (make that three people) asked me this only today - this is a paraphrasing of all their emails: 65. How come you aren't outraged about the soldiers who were caught torturing Iraqi prisoners? When are you going to make your post blowing it off and calling it a part of war and then throw some moral crap out there about how we built hospitals? Just because I didn't write about it does not mean I am not outraged. Next time I'll try to be quick with informing you about my opinion on every single news item, from war to Jayson Williams. What those soldiers did is not a part of war, it is not to be expected. It is, however, expected that the people who committed these acts will be punished to the full extent possible. That good enough for you? Now that you consider yourself my boss, I expect a paycheck. Thank you. -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

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Posted by me at 06:06 PM | | Comments (5)

60-63: Kazaam!

60. What is the perfect day for you, weather wise? 70-75 degrees. Cloudless, sea blue sky. Strong sun. Slight, warm breeze. Late into summer, but the weather is letting you know that fall is chasing summer's ass out the door. That has been my perfect day for as long as I was able to think about such things. Unfortunately, that is the exact description of the weather on September 11, 2001 and now my days of perfection are marred by memories. 61. Worst movie you have ever paid to see in a movie theater? Been there, done that, made an award for it. Kazaam. 62. Name a blogging related pet peeve. When people correct your typos/errors in the comments. Be considerate and send an email. I appreciate the emails - no one wants to walk around with spinach on their teeth all day - but leaving a snarky comment regarding an obvious typo is just rude, damn it. 63. Did you ever participate in a wet t-shirt contest in your young and wild days. I didn't have boobs until I had kids. Yes, ladies, there are some good, unintended consequences of pregnancy. -------- Note: this post is part of what was the Spirit of America Ask a Blogger challenge, a challenge in which I am woefully behind. All the previous questions are in one happy place.

Posted by me at 11:24 AM | | Comments (3)

April 29, 2004

Halfway to 100: I Want Candy

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. 50k all the way! The magic halfway number of 50 is upon us and I am not resting until I finish off 100. Please note that all of the questions - from both email and comments - have been printed out, stuffed in a box and are being picked at random. If your question never gets answered, perhaps I will use it as blogging fodder for one day. Tonight's Q&A session is being brough to you buy Bloody Mary, with an assist from Don Julio vodka. If only I had the ingredients to make the Jim Treacher "I'm not Gay" Special. And Jeter has hit a home run. You may stop with the booing now, people. #50. What kind of candy did you like as a child? Back when I was a kid, there were real candy stores. You could walk in with fifty cents and come out with a bagful of teeth rotting sweetness. Carl's was the candy store of choice. Sometimes we would go to Murray's, but he kept a nasty German Shepard in the store and one time I found a bite mark in a piece of Bazooka Joe gum, so we stopped going there. Carl had all the cool candy. If something new came out, it would be on the shelves the very day it entered the market. I remember the first time I tried a Watchmacallit. Heavenly. My favorite candies from my bygone era, some of which still exist today, but just don't hold the same power that they did back when I was ten and stealing change from my mother's purse so I could help Carl pay his rent. iwantcandy.jpg Halfway there.

Posted by me at 07:40 PM | | Comments (10)

Questions 47, 48, 49: hokey religions and ancient weapons

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. 50k all the way! 47. What is your favorite scene in a Star Wars movie and why? The very first minute of the very first movie. You're sitting in the movie theater, the scrolling intro just gets done and suddenly the tip of a ship appears on the screen. It's an Imperial Star Destroyer and it is massive. It's chasing a Rebel ship, which it partly disintegrates, but not before the destoyer does a slow crawl onto the screen, revealing its enormity frame by frame. You know then and there that you are watching the coolest movie ever. 48. Say you are Princess Leia, pre-Return of the Jedi. Would you have gone for Luke or Han? If I'm Princess Leia, I'm thinking; which guy is going to help me save the universe, beat the crap out of some stormtroopers, kick Vader's ass, destroy the Death Star and be a good fuck? Sure as hell ain't that whiny bitch Luke. Wahwahawah But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power converters... ... wahwahwah. 49. Who do you think would do a worse job on Star Wars III: Lucas himself or Michael Moore? Tough choice. Both of them would PC the hell out of it and Lucas already did enough PCing with the whole Greedo/Han thing. Actually, I don't give a crap. As far as I'm concerned, nothing exists after Jedi was made, and even Jedi barely makes it onto my radar. Leave me alone with New Hope and Empire and I'll be a happy geek for years to come. Michael Moore would make a mighty fine Jabba, though.

Posted by me at 01:51 PM | | Comments (16)

Questions 43-46: One Bad Apple

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. 50k all the way! osmonds.gifTrust me when I say that today is not the day you want to throw down with me. You will lose. Badly. Just ask the condesending receptionist from my doctor's office, who is probably in tears right now. Let's get busy with the questions, shall we? 42. If you couldn't live on Long Island or the greater New York area, where would you live? Why? Probably upstate New York (that's not the Greater New York area, is it?). We've been going up to Roscoe, New York every summer since I was about five. I love the peace, the slow pace and being surrounded by nature. I love the way the night sky upstate, where you can billions more stars than you can see here on the Island. I love the dirt roads and cool mornings and evenings. I could live like that. Definitely. 43.If you had to do it all over again in regards to blogging, would you? Honestly, no. When I think of how much time I've spend blogging, it scares me. But if I knew then what I know now, I would definitely find other means to get my writing and opinions out there. That's not to say that I don't love blogging, because I do. But had I known that it's a package deal complete with trolls and enemies, I might have just done it anonymously. Or not at all. Hell, I think the answer to this is, I don't know. 44. How can I be as cool as Michele?? (you can't isn't an answer!) Show your tits, dude. 45. How much time goes into administering a blog like yours, both in absolute terms and in comparison to the time spent creating content? It runs different every day. Most of the content is created in my head, as I drive or shower or work. It's just a matter of opening up the innards of the blog and typing it in. Generally, I'll have a two or three sentence idea in my head when I sit down - it pretty much flows from there. I very rarely write in advance or prepare posts ahead of time. Everything here is pretty much off the cuff. I can type at an amazing speed, also. For argument's sake, take this post. That took about twelve minutes from conception to birth. Today's post on that idiot from UMass took a bit longer (about 25 minutes) because I had to re-read the original story a couple of times in order to address the points. Each day varies - some days I'll blog for a couple of hours worth of time. Some days it amounts to about an hour total that I put in. Again, with the time wasting. Are you guys trying to force me to realize that I have no life?? 46. What was your favorite cartoon show when you were a kid? Sigh. You people are really trying to destroy my reputation. It was The Osmonds, ok? THE OSMONDS! There, I said it. I loved that show. I loved Donny. I loved Jimmy. I loved the songs and Fuji the dog. They toured the world and took us with them to all these exotic locations, including Transylvania where they met a vampire, and Jimmy would always do something stupid so hilarity would ensue and then they would sing and....it was Rankin Bass, man! How could you not like it? That's enough. I'm going to drown my stress in a huge, greasy cheeseburger and a chocolate egg cream. 47-50 when I get back.

Posted by me at 10:59 AM | | Comments (19)

April 27, 2004

39 through 42: It takes two to fake an orgasm!

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. There will be no American Idol blogging tonight for two reasons: a) I refuse to watch it since the debacle of last week and b) even if Jennifer was still with us, I wouldn't watch it because, Gloria Estefan night? I think they ran out of themes. Which brings us to the next batch of questions, all having to do with one form of entertainment or another. 39. What movie have you watched a million times but you're kind of embarassed to say how much you loved it? Ok, I am going way out on a limb here. Like, so far out that no one will even come rescue me and I'll be left alone to be eaten by tree sloths. And I can't say I don't deserve it. So, you know that movie with Mary Kate and Ashley, the one that was a total rip off of Parent Trap? Yea, It Takes Two. Shut up. I love that movie. And the worst part is, it stars Steve Guttenberg and Kirstie Alley, who are probably my two least favorite actors of all time. I don't know why I love it, I just do. And if you tell anyone about this, I'll have to stick a fork in your eye. So I guess I should answer this one next: 40. Mary Kate or Ashley? I'm still not really sure which one is which but I can tell you that as soon as they turn 18, I'm going to dive right into that fantasy I've had on hold for a few years now. 41. Just to be a brat: who's the sexiest male blogger? Brat, indeed. So, what do we mean by sexy? We can rule out looks, because I don't really know what most bloggers look like. Oh sure, some of them have photos up, but isn't it just a little bit strange that most male bloggers seem to look like Brad Pitt? If I were blind, I would determine a person's sexiness by their ability to both make me laugh and make want to laugh. Two different things, you know. You know, I'm not going to answer this. By the above description, you can figure it out. 42. have you ever faked an orgasm? and please elaborate. Hon, I was the queen of fake orgams. It was the only way to end it quickly. Hey, I'm done. You getting there? Please? See answer to question number 19 for further reading. Ok, it's Chappelle time. _____ Don't forget the Art Sale! Yes, I'm a shameless whore for my husband. What wife isn't?

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Question #32: Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurge!

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. Regardless, I still have about 70 questions to answer to get to 100, so let's get busy. surge_logo.gifSome have come by email, some by comments - I'm going to do my best to get to them all, except for any questions that contained the words condom and ass in conjuction with each other. Yes, there were two. Two. 33. How long can a female blogger survive on caffeine, chardonnay fumes, and no sleep? I'm not sure, but I did a similar study right after my divorce. For 32 days, I survived on a diet of coffee, Surge soda, mini snickers bars, cigarettes and insomnia. On the 33rd day, I fell asleep. For three straight days. I would think that Chardonnay fumes the questioner is huffing would cause the pass-out day to come sooner. Also, I wasn't blogging at the time, but I was logging about 23 hours a day in chat rooms and on instant messenger. I highly recommend taking a break at day 20 in order to avoid that 33rd day burnout. Did anyone else have a fondness for Surge soda? Sure, it made me piss green, but it shocked parts of my brain into awakening that had been dormant for years. And yes, my hair stood on end and I shook like Katherine Hepburn, but damn, that shit was good. I really hate soda. But Surge was more than soda. It was No-Doz in beverage form.

Posted by me at 01:23 PM | | Comments (9) | TrackBacks (1)

Questions 26-32: Aquaman sleeps with the fishies

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place.
Questions. You ask them. I answer. And here we go again #26: What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything? 42, of course. #27: How can I aspire to be a great as you? You can aspire all you want. Just click your heels and wish. Whether or not anything happens is another story. I'm assuming by "great" you mean mediocrity at its best. 28. Which hockey team do you support (or do you ignore hockey altogether)? I'm an Islander fan, though I have been known in the past to be seen in a Rangers jersey, as well as a Toronto Maple Leafs Jersey. I lost my passion for hockey when they started with all the rule changes and sissifying. 29. If you could add or remove an Olympic event, which would you change. Remove: synchronized swimming, ping-pong and that thing the gymnasts do with the ribbons. Add: Gladiator style fighting, celebrity death matches, air guitar and feeding terrorists to lions. 30. What's your favorite meal? Twenty dollars worth of Taco Bell and a beer. 31. Your choice of "it," as if it could be any other way: Why do you do it? It's alive, afraid, a lie, a sin It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win It's dark, it's moist, it's a bitter pain It's sad it happened and it's a shame It was in my face, and I grabbed it. 32. Who is the lamest comicbook superhero? Everyone knows it's the old school Aquaman. Let's see, he swims and mind controls the fishies. And he's, well... Skeletor: Hero, my ass. Hey everyone, Luke is sleeping with Aquaman! Hahahaha! (much laughter from crowd. Aquaman gets up and runs out the door, crying) Spiderman: Awww, geez. Must you guys do this every time? Crow, go get him. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by me at 10:31 AM | | Comments (8)

April 26, 2004

23, 24, 25: Heather, Sully and Vodka Puke

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. All the questions are in one happy place. 23. Steve asks: What does the phrase "What is your damage?" mean, and what made it famous? I genuinely do not know. What's your damage, Heather? 24. Coalition member Dork (who is offering up his culinary skills in return for an SOA donations) asks: Do you check your referral logs? And if so, what is the weirdest referral you've ever gotten? (this includes search engine queries) Yes, I check my referral logs religiously. Not for numbers, but to see where people are coming from. It's always good to get a heads up in the morning by checking your stats and seeing you've had some Kos visitors. Your best offense is a good defense, and the referrers page is like having Nettles at third. I've had some great search engine referrals. But you want weird? Just the other day I got this one: Andrew Sullivan took my gay kid away. I come at number two, right behind Sully himself. And it leads to a post in which I mention that I had a dream about him playing volleyball in his underwear. #25 Esteemed blogger and Vodka Pundit guest blogger asks: How much hurl would a Steve Green chuck, if a Steve Green would chuck hurl? (He would, BTW.) Well, I don't know about you Colorado boys, but around these parts, hurl is vomit. So, after I did the dry heave thing a for a few moments thinking about Steve throwing puke around, I got down to business and did the calculations. Figuring in height, weight, stamina and age, then doing some scientific calculations based on everything Andy has every told me about Steve, and taking into consideration that Will would probably be there, making sure the consistency of the hurl was just right, Steve would be able to chuck 3.24 quarts of hurl, if said hurl was in a plastic container and not a metal one. And by chuck I mean throw, and not throw up, but throw around, so imagine Steve and crew sitting around the Denver Press club, covered in puke and laughing about it. while Jeff Goldstein blogs the whole thing, but uses 80's new wave lyrics to tell the story. No wonder Ken Layne wants nothing to do with you guys. Hey, it just so happens that Dork is in Colorado! Maybe he should cook for that big blogger bash. Alright, we are a quarter way through and it's only been like twelve hours! I either have to answer more questions at a time or stop packing for a bit.

Posted by me at 08:24 PM | | Comments (2)

16 through 22: stupidity, bravery, sweet revenge, pussies, flirting lessons

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. I decided to use the category thingamajig, so now all the questions are in one happy place. Christine asks, via email: 16. People often mistake stupidity for bravery. Have you ever done anythign that would fit into that category? Why, yes I have Christine. And it was recorded right here on this very site for posterity. Then the frat boy in the passenger seat speaks. To me, no less. He looks at me and says, smirking "Maybe if these people kept their tards at home we wouldn't have to sit here in freaking traffic, ya know?" He looks at me as if he expects an agreement. I am stunned. I am horrified Read my story of brave stupidity here. While we are digging around the archives, Charles wants to know (#17)what my favorite MTX album is. bq. This particular CD alone (Revenge is Sweet, that is), is at once so sad and so happy that you don't exactly know what you feel when you hear the songs, all you know is that you do laugh or grin and you realize afterwards that you were actually laughing or grinning at yourself and the angst and tremor with which you pursued love. Check that out here. Alan K. (not to be confused with my TCP partner and bad music lover, Alan) asks a bunch of questions that I'm not going to answer and a few that I will. Sorry, Alan, but asking which nipple I favored when my kids were nursing is just weird and, well....there are sites for people like you. $14.95 a year, but it might be worth it to avoid having to type that stuff into search engines. 18. Have you ever had the urge to cat blog? That would be odd, seeing as that I would have to go out and get a cat first. I did, however, tell Laurence - the king of cat blogging - that when I move we're going to look into the cat thing so I can finally show him my pussy. 19. What were you thinking of when DJ was conceived? Faster, please. 20. Can you justify your existence? No. 21. Does DJ have a crush? He's eleven and hitting puberty at full steam. He'll crush on any girl with boobs bigger than mosquito bites. 22. Name him. Who Him? DJ's crush? If you haven't figured out that DJ is a boy by now, you haven't been paying attention. Perhaps you think DJ might be gay, which really isn't unheard of as everyone in my family at one time or another has said, that boy has got to be gay. Between the showtunes and the cross-dressing we figured it was a given. DJ did announce to us, just about two years ago, that he was gay. I had then made plans to ship him off to Choire's for a week or so to get a crash course in Being the Perfect Gay Guy. Then he got all hetero on us. Appropriate story reprinted below, below because Raising Hell has gone to the big archives in the sky.

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Posted by me at 03:43 PM | | Comments (11)

13, 14, 15: the perfect score

Damn, this isn't just going to take all day, it's going to take all of about three days. Patience grasshoppers. Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. bq. 13. A different Bill asks: Do you write "perfect" posts in your head while doing other menial tasks (like laundry, running errands), then get pissed off when you finally get to the computer and can't remember the perfect way you worded a statement in your head earlier? And as a followup, how many times a day do you wish you had a tape recorder to record these thoughts for later? Most of my "perfect" posts are written while driving or while in the shower. And then I get to the computer and sit down to type it out and poof, it's all gone. Or, it's still there, but it's not nearly as perfect, groundbreaking or phenomenal as I thought it was when it was writing itself out in my mind. Somtimes I'll come up with a turn of the phrase that is so genius I pat myself on the back, only to forget it as soon as I hit the keyboard. Of course it pisses me off, hence all the dents on the desk from where I continually bang my head in frustration. I'm a genius in my own mind and I don't even have the proof. As for the tape recorder - no. I hate the sound of my own voice and having to listen to myself repeat ideas back to me would just be too weird and unsettling - the voices in my head are number enough without having to add one more. Keeping with the blogging theme: Lesley asks: 14. What do you do when you can't for the life of you think of something to blog about? I have people ask me questions! Seriously, I have a special links list a mile long called "things to blog about when you have nothing to blog about." I rarely use it as my mind is the kind that never rests, not even in sleep and there's always something at the tip of my brain, ready to escape and be put into words. Of course, I have yet to learn to edit my wandering mind and I often times will blog things that were better left unblogged. 15. 38C. Give or take, depending on the day of the month.

Posted by me at 02:00 PM | | Comments (2)

Questions 10, 11, 12: White Men Can't Drive

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. Another note: please limit your questions. One person asking 100 questions is not what we had in mind. If you've asked more than three questions, I reserve the right to pick and choose which ones I will answer. Also, they are being answered at random, not in any particular order. Clyde asks: 10. what are your top 5 tv shows? 11. what kind of computer do you use? 12. what's your commute like? My favorite shows change frequently. Depends on my mood and also depends on where a show is at - meaning sometimes I will get bored with a story arc or think that a show has not been funny for a few episodes, so I'll ignore it for a while and get back to it. That said, my favorite shows as of right this moment are: * The Chappelle Show * Aqua Teen Hunger Force (let's just throw in all of Adult Swim here) * Simspons (including the nightly repeats) * Unwrapped (Food Network) * The History Channel in general Computer. At home I use a Sony Vaio - it's one of two Vaios in the house and we'll never use anything else, we love it that much. The laptop is a Dell Latitude and it rocks, mostly because of how it came to be mine. Commute. My commute is all of six miles and looks like a straight line, with just a few, slight curves. One road all the way there, basically. Should take ten minutes, tops, right? So why does it take me a good half hour to get to work every day? I'll tell you why. Long Island must have the largest ratio of bad to good drivers in the world. I'd say it's like 80:1. And of those 80, about 70% are at the age where they should have their eyes gouged out before they are allowed behind the wheel again , 20% are 21year old white guys blasting hip-hop that may as well be a foreign language to them and driving while smiling at themselves in the mirror, and the rest are cell-phone yapping housewives in Hummers who have no clue about anything outside of their compartmentalized world, incuding the fact that people might actually be driving on the same roads as them.

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Question #9: Talkin' Baseball

JAB asks: 9. What was the most perfect baseball game you have ever attended? Believe it or not, it wasn't a Yankee game. It was 1983. The Mets sucked. Not just sucked, but sucked in that slurping, gurlging way a toilet bowl sucks when it's washing your shit into the sewer system. Being a Yankee fan/Met hater, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the complete collapse of the team. And, being a Braves fan at the time, I enjoyed the Mets' demise in a that My NL Team is Better Than Your NL Team way, which was almost as good as enjoying it in the time-honored My New York Team is Better Than Your New York Team manner. bq. (ed note: Mets statistics for 1983: 68-94, Finished 6th in NL Eastern Division. It was Strawberry's rookie year. Braves stats for 1983: 88-74, Finished 2nd in NL Western Division. Dale Murphy hit 36 home runs that year) So it's summertime and the living is easy. I have some menial job I tend to at night. During the day, my job is to drink beer, listen to music and taunt Met fans at Shea Stadium. So July comes around and the Braves are coming to Shea. Four of us pack up a cooler of goodies and head to the Big Blow Toilet Bowl in Queens. (actually, I believe this was pre-BBTB days, I forget when the painted the place). We went to a lot of Met games. The bleachers were empty. The sun was good. The beer was plentiful, as the beer guy had no one to sell his wares to besides us and was at our constant beck and call. And this day was no different. It could have been a Wednesday, I'm not sure. I just know it was a weekday game and I'm pretty sure the Mets won. Doesn't matter. It was a perfect weather day, Kevin caught a foul ball, we got drunk enough to taunt the Met players but not drunk enough to say anything to get us thrown out, and Dale Murphy nodded and tipped his cap toward us when we cheered every time he touched the ball. It wasn't a baseball purist's idea of a great game, by any means - I can't even remember who won - but it was, indeed, the most perfect day I ever spent in the stands at a ballpark.

Posted by me at 11:58 AM | | Comments (5)

Back to the Questions: 5, 6, 7, 8

Note: this post is part of today's Spirit of America challenge. To find out what's going on and what you missed already and how to join in, please start here and scroll up. 5. Kelli asks: Okay, here's one: what did you throw at your tv yesterday when the Red Sox swept the Yankees home series, and what were you shouting as you threw it? (Is that two?) I was too depressed to throw anything, but not so downtrodden that I couldn't muster up the energy to scream "What the hell is your damage, Torre?" After which I could be heard cursing the idiotic Yankee fans who booed Jeter and left the game in droves early on. They remind me of the Islander fans of the early 80's and that's not a compliment. 6, 7 and 8 from fellow Long Islander Rob:
6. Bo and Hope or Luke and Laura? Bo and Hope were dirty. I hated Bo, hated that beard and hated their stupid story lines. Hope had nice lips, that much I remember. Now Luke and Laura, there was a match made in heaven. He rapes her, she marries him. But they were fun, where Bo and Hope were just mired down in dumb plot lines. And while Luke looked like a shorter version of Bob Rossi, Laura was quite pleasing to look at. 7. Stuffing or mashed potatoes? Mashed potatoes made with garlic and sour cream. Serve in a huge helping, making a small valley in the middle of the pile, in which you pour gravy and corn. 8. This August will mark the 30th anniversary of the first time a certain band played their first show in good old NYC. The band is one of the most influential bands ever, although not many realize it. People like Bruce Springsteen and U2 attribute their success directly to them (Bruce's first top 10 hit was actually written for them, and U2 covered several of their songs to get their first recording contract because they had yet to write their own). Who are they?
I need help with this one, guys. Rob wrote to say that the band in question broke up a few years ago, they used stage names and two of them are no longer with us. I'm drawing a blank. Posted by: IgwanaRob at April 26, 2004 09:54 AM

Posted by me at 11:27 AM | | Comments (7)

Questions: 4

The evil leader of our opposition, the retardedly named Fussilli's, left some questions, most of which will go unsanswered because they are either stupid or just him gloating, as is his M.O. I will, however, answer this one: 4. Does it shame you that both our Coalitions resorted to rack pictures because of that damned dirty Queen Of All Evil? That wasn't a rack. It was cleavage. You can see cleavage every day, in every place you go, from church to schools to PTA meetings. It is not illegal nor immoral to show your cleavage and some of us just can't help it as we'd rather not wear high necked sweaters every day. Also, unlike the other members who are posting their rack pictures, that's not what the photo was about. People donated to SOA to see me wear a Red Sox cap, not to see my rack. That issue was never raised, nor will it be. The shot was taken from that angle so I could hide my face, as it is not really a good thing for a Yankee fan to be shown wearing a Sox cap. Make of this what you will, but I did not "resort to rack pictures." No one expected that photo from me, nor did anyone ask for it, nor was anyone asked to donate more money in order for me to pos the photo. Which was generally just me, at an odd angle, wearing a regular, every day shirt. If you guys (and by that I mean both the other alliances) want to resort to selling off pics of your boobs and panties, so be it. I'm going for something more substantial here. Like talking about grits and soap operas. Not that I wouldn't consider writing about anal sex and the president's gay dog for a thousand dollars a week. Just saying. We all have our price.

Posted by me at 10:57 AM | | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (1)

Questions, #s 2 and 3

First: we are up to $700 in donations for this questions challenge alone! (see here for background, details) We're going to tackle several at a time here. And try to limit it to ONE question per person, please. Thank you. 2. JAB asks: Other than your family or this blog, what has been the biggest compliment someone has paid you? I was in the diner with my two kids, many years ago. The owner of the diner came up to our table and told me that he had never seen two such charming, well behaved children in his life, and proceeded to give them free dessert. I beamed. Good thing they waited until we got into the car and pulled away before they started spitting at each other. 2. Tommy asks: Would you ever wear Sox gear again (excepting charity events, of course)? In a word, no. In two words, fuck no. I'll be nice and tackle all of Skillzy's but, due to the nature of the charitable end of this challenge, I'm only counting them as one questions.
3. * Is Alex Rodriguez overpaid? * Have you ever eaten grits? * Can Eli Manning save the Giants? * Aren't Southern accents shexy as hell? * Who's your favorite NASCAR driver? * What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?

Continue reading "Questions, #s 2 and 3" »

Posted by me at 10:36 AM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (1)

Questions, Questions #1

Let's get started, shall we? 1. Spd Rdr asks: When do you sleep? Imagine Wile E. Coyote hunting the Roadrunner. He stalks, he chases, he buys all kinds of Acme equipment, determined to catch that damn bird. Then imagine that one day he catches the Roadrunner, sliced, dices and bakes it, only to discover that all the rumors he heard about roadrunners tasting like chicken are false. In fact, it tastes like crap and leaves a bitter aftertaste his mouth that never disappears. That, for me, is sleep. I chase sleep constantly; I am frequently tired, even exhausted, but when it comes time to bury my head in the pillow and rest my weary bones, all I get is wicked, vivid dreams that leave me exhausted upon waking and thinking all day of my nightmares. I try to sleep at a normal time. Most nights I make it through most of Adult Swim, which means I fall asleep somewhere around 12:30 or so, closer to 1am on Sunday nights. I get up at at about 5am or so. Sometimes I'll catch a twenty minute nap when I get home from work, and sometimes I'll pass out at 7pm in the middle of flipping channels, only to wake up at 7:20 feeling like I slept ten hours. I'm not a big fan of sleep. I'm a big fan of the concept of sleep, however. If I could find a way to do it so that I a) don't dream and b) can pack all the sleep I need into an hour's time, I'd be more inclined to enjoy it. One down, 99 to go.

Posted by me at 10:03 AM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (1)

Ask me, ask me, ask me*

I have three takers on the matching funds for Ask a Blogger day! One of my favorite commenters, Spd Rdr has matched the hundred. Another of my favorite people, Brian, has vowed to match the hundred and go up to 150. And the beloved Captain of the Victory Coalition has matched my hundred as well. That's $450 for Spirit of America IF I get one hundred questions asked of me today. Please see the post below for details and get asking (and linking). *So, if there's something you'd like to try If there's something you'd like to try ASK ME - I WON'T SAY "NO" - HOW COULD I ? I should mention that the questions will be answered five at a time, so I don't have one hundred separate posts sitting here, unless I determine that a question warrants it's own novella-size post. Come on, people. I want at least one hundred questions here by NOON! I went all out and put on enemy clothing last night - all you have to do is ask ONE questions. Just one. Doesn't cost you anything but the workout of a few brain cells. Update: Lesley, a Yankee fan! - has matched and exceeded with $200. JFH, who has already donated a generous amount - chimes in with another $50!

Posted by me at 09:11 AM | | Comments (25) | TrackBacks (4)

The Victory Coaltion Brings You: Ask a Blogger Monday!

I need not remind you that the Spirit of America coalition is in full swing still, and we need your donations. Kevin has the latest roundup on the tallies, the offers and the news. One of the "special requests" that came to me via a donation to SOA (I will write on the subject of your choice if you donate in the name of the VC) is this one: bq. What I would like is for you to open a post to your readers where they ask you questions about blogging and you answer them. And if they don't have any questions about blogging, they can ask questions about you. And maybe you can make an about page from those answers. An About Blogging page and an About the Author page. Ok? Ok. Use the comments. I'll answer as many as I can and do as requested. The contributor also requested that I answer all questions honestly regardless of how tacky, tasteless or offensive the subject matter may be and I'll try to do that, but I think I can trust most of you not to be tacky, tasteless or offensive here. Right? I'm gonna throw in this as well: For every question asked that I can provide a decent answer to, I will throw in a dollar for SOA. If one hundred of you ask me a question, that means another hundred dollars for the SOA. If anyone wants to match this, that would be fantastic. I'd like to hit the 10k mark today - here's where we are at. So, I guess today is Ask the Blogger Monday, which is fine as I was going to write about something else that I'd rather put on the back burner for now. Ask away.

Posted by me at 07:40 AM | | Comments (44) | TrackBacks (38)