May 02, 2004

Dedication #12: How to make Fallujah and walking for cancer appear in one post

This post is part of my Spirit of America challenge, in which people donated money to SOA in return for my writing on the topic of their choice. All previous dedications can be found here. A funny thing happened on my way to the blog. This was earlier in the week - I was going to make a long post about our tactics in Fallujah, and how I think it necessary that we do bomb the mosques - as long as the "insurgents" are using them for bases - and that we need act with more force. Then I came across this editorial in Newsday by one Robert Stewart, pretty much saying the exact same thing. Orignally, I was going to quote the article, but he did such a fine job explaining my own issues, that I figured I would just link to it. Now, remember that I have all these dedicated posts to do in return for donations to SOA? One of the generous people who donated was Jen of Cup and Saucer, who asked that I write about her participation in the upcoming the Breast Cancer Three Day Walk for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. So how do these two things tie in? Well, when Jen wrote to me about the walk, she also sent along a link ( to and blogged about) an editorial her brother wrote about Fallujah. It was the Newsday article I had just bookmarked. It's a small blogging world, after all. About Jen's walk and why she is walking for three days (from the North Shore of Boston to Charlestown) to raise money for breast cancer research - I'll let Jen herself tell the story:
In June of 2003, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Believe me when I tell you I was stunned to hear that news. I thought I was too young. I hardly ever get sick. I eat my veggies, for heaven's sake! How could I end up with cancer? But I did have it, and that diagnosis was the start of a long journey of getting well. A journey that included a few surgeries, four cycles of chemo, and several weeks of radiation. Somewhere during the months of feeling nauseous and tired, I promised myself that when I was done with my last chemo I would sign up for the 3-Day walk. A few hours after my last chemo, in December 2003, I made good on my promise and registered to participate in the Boston 3-Day walk, being held late July of this year. I will be walking in honor of my Grandmother Kate (pictured above left with me), my Aunt Joyce (pictured above right, with my grandmother), and my cousin Diane, all of whom are breast cancer survivors and sources of inspiration to me. (The bald chick is yours truly, of course.)
You can read more about Jen's battle with breast cancer here. Jen's prognosis is good, but not everyone who is diagnosed with breast cancer will have the same good fortune as Jen, which is why raising money for this cause is so important. Jen's personal goal is $5,000. She needs just thirty dollars to reach that, but I'd like to see her exceed that goal, by far. I've been reading Jen's blog for at least a year, probably more. She's one of those people who are instantly likeable. Head over to Cup and Saucer, say hello to Jen and then drop by her walk page and drop a few coins in her cup. The walk is not until July, so I'll be mentioning this again and that gives you a couple of months to check on her walk training and offer up some encouragement. Go, Jen! Speaking of dedicated posts, at some point today I will have to don some Mets gear in answer to my Mets/Sox challenge. I may have to wait until tonight, so I can get drunk enough to not feel horrible about wearing the blue and orange.

April 25, 2004

Dedication #11: The enemy, Suppuko, Red Sox

How devoted am I to the SOA/VC cause? Just look below. There is not one person in the other coalitions who has sacrificed as much as I just did. Smash doesn't count because he risked his life in Iraq before this whole challenge.

Do you know what it is like for a life long Yankees fan/Red Sox hater to wear the emblem of the dreaded enemy? It's like killing just a little piece of yourself. If I were a samurai, I'd be all about the seppuko, driving the blade in my stomach to the hilt right now. Good thing I'm not a samurai, eh?

I did this with my head held high, though. It was all in the name of a noble cause.

I will keep telling myself that.

Forgive me, Thurman Munson.

click for horribly large size

I need to shower with steel wool now.

Dedication #10: I've been waiting so long

Hey, I found a Red Sox cap to wear. My dad had one. Stupid Met fan. But that will have to wait until later. For anyone who donated to SOA today in the hopes of seeing my talented, young son play the guitar, here you go. Just remember: he's only eleven, he's been playing just a couple of months, and the song you can see him playing here, Sunshine of Your Love, is self-taught. click image to play quicktime movie - it'sa 46 second clip Thanks for you donation to the cause. I have to go put that stupid Sox cap on now.

Dedication #9: Bally Girl

I really, really hope you don't mind repeats as requests. Most of the request-ees have been good about that, as a good portion of them haven't been reading here long enough for anything to be a repeat for them. We've got a baseball game today (and don't forget, my son will throw strikeouts in YOUR name, if you donate to SOA) and dinner at my parents' house and we get to move stuff into the garage of the new house today, even though we aren't moving in until May 10th or so. Matthew asked me to post about arcade games and/or Neil Gaiman. For now, I'll give him my old post about playing pinball but, because that's not really what he meant (I think he meant 80's type Arkanoid, Asteroids, etc.) I'll give him an original post on Neil Gaiman later on today/tonight. Story below.

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April 24, 2004

Dedication #8: It is teh funny

This is actually a part of another dedicated post (the depressing songs) but we'll still call it number eight for continuity purposes. Perhaps the author of the request meant funny as in that song about going to camp and not liking it but then liking it in the end, but that's not what I think of because frankly, I find that song really irritating. So perhaps we should say humorous songs, as in songs that make me feel naughty for giggling at them. I could have just dipped right into the Anal C*nt catalog, but there's funny and there's offensive, and sometimes I don't know the difference between the two, but you do and singing about Hitler listening to Morrissey might not be exactly what you're looking to find here. * Bloodhound Gang - Three Point One Four. Also known as Vagina. Why? Because it's about....vaginas! I need to find a new vagina, Any kind of new vagina, It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina, Calvin Klein? Kinda.. North Carolina They even throw in NOFX and Janeane Garafalo. That's talent, man! Rest of the lyrics here. And remember: BHG is the antidote to everything. * Nerf Herder - Van Halen. (Nerf Herder is also responsible for Pantera Fans in Love and Doing Laundry, both of which would be on this list if it were longer) This song is not only humorous, but it speaks to me. Is this what you wanted, Sammy Hagar? Sammy Hagar, is this what you wanted, man? Dave lost his hairline but you lost your cool buddy Can't drive 55 I'll never buy your lousy records again Again, again, again, never again It's funny, I laugh. And then I cry. * Anthrax - I'm the Man (1987 version) Ok, so you're drunk on some really cheap tequila and you're in some dank bar celebrating your birthday and you're thinking, dam I'm 25 and all my friends are getting married and having kids and how fucking depressing is that I'm getting so old, and then someone drags you out of the bar and you're sitting in '78 Camaro with some people who you really don't know but you're pretty sure you know them from college and one of them pops in a cassette (you always pop in a cassette, you know. You don't put it in, or insert it, you pop it) and this song comes on. And then you're giggling like someone just told a slew of fart jokes and you walk around for the next twenty plus years saying things like Point! Point! Watch the Beat! God, I love Anthrax. Ok, that's only three, but I'm tired and frustrated because I know I uploaded these three songs, but they don't seem to be here. While I go upload, you can come up with a few more, ok? Thanks.

Dedication #7: [insert question here]

Well, this person made a rather nice donation to the cause, and I promised in return I would post on a subject of their choice. The person graciously agreed to my request that I not write the question here, just the answers. Allah Treacher Andy Jeff Goldstein Mikey D Mike Windy Eight was a weird number to choose. But there it is. And don't ask. And to answer the other part of your question? Rammstein's Stripped or Type O Negative's Love You to Death.

Dedication #6: Primary Depression Songs

This post brought to you by the Victory Coalition: Where quantity is job one! Two generous donors to the SOA/CV cause requested - in return for their donations - lists. I'll handle these things one a time. First up: Name the five most depressing songs you know. Not songs that are depressing in nature, but are depressing to you. I am the queen of depressing songs, ranging all the way back to my youth when I spent several days crying that Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge. Of course, I didn't know Billy Jo personally (ok, so I thought he was real at the time), so that makes the song a secondary depression song, meaning that I am getting all morose over someone else's problems. Primary depression songs are a different animal. They don't even have to be sad - they just have to remind one of of a really sad time in your life, like when mother said your kitty died but then you find out that she sold it to some Korean restaurant for ten dollars. Mostly PD songs are the ones you had on repeat for days on end while you curled up on your bedroom floor and swore that you would never, ever love again. I wasn't even a teenager when I did that. It was like....six years aog and was the result of a horrible communication mix up which is a story that I may tell someday if you ask nicely, but ended up ok because I'm married to him now, but nonetheless, I can't listen to Stabbing Westward's Darkest Days albums without getting that "oh god, I'm gonna throw up my heart" feeling. Five really depressing songs: * Stabbing Westward: Everything I Touch. Ok, the whole album is a therapist's wet dream - but this song in particular makes me sob uncontrollably. Well, it did. Now I listen to it and I just want to smack Chris Hall across the face and say "grow the fuck up, man! Get over it, already!" Because I think he was pining over the same girl for years and if the songs are any indication, she was one of them C-word girl. And then Chris and the band went and made another album after Darkest Days and, well....does that saying quit while you're ahead ring a bell? Holy suckage, Batman. And that's just another reason why this song is so depressing - it marked the end of a really good band and the start of a really sucky one. * Nine Inch Nails - The Great Below (you thought I was gonna say Hurt, right?) * Radiohead- Fake Plastic Trees Just can't explain this one away with a specific incident or even lyric. It just depressing. Beautifully depressing. * Lynyrd Skynyrd - Tuesday's Gone. Shut up. * Sarah McLachlan - Possession You really don't want to go there. Not unless you want to hear a long story about friendship, devotion, death and the Green Bay Packers. It's not a story I feel like telling right now. Honorable mentions (which I will add to as I think of them): Jane's Addiction - Three Days. Have no fear, your Prozac is here. Next up: Funny songs and Feel Good Songs. The lovely SOA contributor asks that you all tell us your most depressing songs as well (or make fun of mine - I swear, that's what the email said) - my only caveat would be that they be Primary Depression Songs, not just sad songs.

April 23, 2004

Dedication #5: Thoughts on Danzig, Meatwad, Zombie, Grits, Ewoks and Ken Layne

Someone who wished to remain anonymous, but who made a lovely contribution to the SOA/VC cause, asked for the following in return for their donation (see here for details on returns for your money): bq. Michele, I'd like you to write a post on what you think about when you're not thinking about work or family or moving or politics. Like, those times when you space out just a bit and your thoughts run away with you and you get lost in a daydream, what are you thinking of? Thanks. Funny you should ask that, as I am just coming out of one of those moments. At those times when my eyes glaze over and all thoughts of war, pestilence, moving companies, science projects and annoying attorneys are far from my mind, I am most likely thinking about what it would be like to have sex with Glenn Danzig. It's more out of curiousity than anything else. For instance, I wonder if Glenn would like a mirror on the ceiling so he can stare at himself while we go at it? And would he moan his own name at the moment of climax? I used to have the same thoughts about Peter Steele of Type O Negative. Unfortunately, Peter has a love/hate relationship with himself and something tells me that his idea of good sex involves him slapping his own ass and calling himself a dirty slut. I'll pass, thanks. It's not always about sex. Sometimes I will ponder how it would feel to drive a fork through someone's brain. A particular someone. Always the same someone. And that leads me to thinking about watching brains slowly slide out of someone's head, which leads me to thinking about lunch, which leads me to zombies, which is really, when you think about it, what it all boils down to anyhow. Zombies. Everything you know, everything you do, ends up being about zombies. I also think about song lyrics. Did you ever have one of those moments where you are merrily singing along to one of your favorite songs and you realize you've been doing it by rote for so long that you never stopped and thought about the lyrics, so you do, and then you're sorry? For instance, just playing on my Winamp is Monster Magnet's Spacelord. I like this song. I sing it often, as it's on quite a few mix cds I've made over the years. But did I ever really think about it? Apparently not. Because if I did, I might have been more careful about loudly singing these lyrics: Been stuffed in your pocket for the last hundred days When I don't get my bath I take it out on the slaves So grease up your baby for a ball on the hill Polish them rockets now and swallow those pills I honestly have no idea what I've been singing all these years. Grease up your baby for a ball on the hill. I hope I didn't sing that in mixed company. I also think about food. A lot. Greasy, fattening, buttery, death-inviting food. Grilled swiss cheese sandwiches with bacon. French fries lathered in cheese, bacon and sour cream. Maybe even throw in some chili. Big, juicy hamburgers with just ripened tomatoes. Grits with cheese and butter and lots of salt. Anything with lots of salt. And cheese. Even shit would taste good with cheese and salt. Maybe. I think about my old Sega Genesis and I'm really proud of myself for remembering the code to get to the cheat menu on Aladdin. I think about comic books and I secretly pray that they never, ever make the Preacher movie because they would just destroy it. I think about Rancid and how they sound more and more like Smash Mouth every day and that's not a good thing. I think about Lyra and her daemon and I wonder if I had a daemon, what form would it take? A weasel? A hyena? A shit-covered maggot? I think about Ewoks and it makes me all pissed at George Lucas all over again because man, we should have seen JarJar coming. And then I get to thinking that all my favorite bands don't exist anymore and not because of age or anything, just that they all broke up at some point over artistic differences or who was fucking whose girlfriend and I really hope Ken Layne and the Corvids don't end up like that. Because Ken is looking really pissed in that photo, though Jim thinks Ken is just smelling Matt Welch's farts there. I try not to think about farts too much, so we won't go there. But right now I am thinking that Failure's Stuck on You is one of the best songs ever, and that Master Shake is really a dick to Meatwad. He needs a smackdown. And how come Meatwad doesn't ever get rancid and filled with maggots like any other piece of meat would, unless it's because he's, you know, a cartoon character and all. But still, I can't blame Carl for not letting Meatwad swim in his pool. I wouldn't either. Someone really needs to drop some Prozac in Master Shake's straw. To come full circle, Danzig once appeared on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. cc2.jpeDanzig: Now look, listen to me as hard as you fucking can. The fucking robot came with the fucking house and now he's fucking gone. If you see that mother-- Master Shake: Yeah, uhh, yeah we'll tell him... Danzig: You fucking better. If I find out he's over here I'm gonna be eatin' my cereal out of the bottom of your fucking skull. Verstšndlich?

I'm gonna be eatin' my cereal out of the bottom of your fucking skull: I'm Glenn Danzig, bitch! Man, I hope that was worth your twenty bucks. I may owe you.

Dedication #4: I Wish I Was (music included)

Elena, who donated $40 to the SOA/VC cause (see here for how you can get rewards - blog posts, donuts, CDs, free hosting and more - in return for your donation) asks that I write about a wish. bq. Michele, I'd like you to write about something you wish for. Not money or world peace or a cure to cancer or even a magic pony. Nothing like that. Just like, when you're sitting at home and life is going on and you say "I wish...." and it's something about yourself and how you are, how do you finish that question? Good question, Elena, and thank you for your generous donation.

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Dedication #4: Me and Leo Sayer Down by The Mall Courtyard

[Latest VC/SOA updates and info on how to get a post dedicated to you - among other rewards like donuts, music and free blog space right here] It's a very busy day here at work, not much time for blogging. But I have miles to go and promises to keep as far as fulfilling requests of those who donated to SOA in the name of VC. Most of the people I asked said they did not mind if my dedicated posts were repeats, as long as they stuck to the requested topic. And they do. Mary Pat asks: got any good music memories from childhood? Is high school considered childhood? If it is I've got a good one. Now, I know some of you have read this one before, but hopefully some of you haven't and you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Dedicated to MaryPat:

I was a teenage music activist: How I brought down Leo Sayer

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April 22, 2004

Dedication #3: Britney Spears Jeter

[Another in the ongoing Victory Coalition/Spirit of America Begging for Money for a Good Cause Series] brityank.jpgThis whole "I'll post what you ask me to" thing works out well, as my mind is so bogged down with thoughts about closing costs, packing and turning the garage of the new house into a home theater that I can't think of anything to write about. Besides begging you for money. So, dedication post number three goes out to Mr. Begging to Differ.
Greetings, Hi, Michele. I just donated $100 to the SoA on behalf of the Victory Coalition. For the blog post you'll be writing, I would like one about how the Yankees are going to blow it against the Red Sox in the playoffs because Jeter refuses to move to third base. Of course, if you think that having a player at shortstop with less range than Britney will actually help them beat the Sox, you can write that too.
First, I'd like to say thank you for the donation. Thank you. Now, I don't remember saying that I was going to write fiction, but what the hell.

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Dedication #2: Bobby's World

Thank you, Bobby, for donating to Spirit of America in the name of the Victory Coalition. As promised, Bobby gets a post dedicated to him on the topic of his choice, which is:
I'd like you to write a post about either 1. fat-bottomed girls, 2. turtles, 3. Friendly's, 4. Pizza.
I can go you one better, Bobby. I'll write about all of them at once. strain07.jpeA little known fact about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is that they were originally drawn in black and white. Another little known fact is that the creators of the turtles, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, wrote their first original TMNT story as an ode to Frank Miller. Mr. Eastman happens to be the same age as me. And that's where our paths part. He is a multi millionare, I assume. He made a living writing about four teenage turtles with nunchucks. No, he didn't write with nunchucks. The turtles had them....nevermind. Also, Mr. Eastman is married to this chick. Her name is Julie Strain. You may recognize her from such films as Heavy Metal. You may also recognize her from many poses in which she reveals that nothing comes between her and her leather loincloth. Guys, there is a lesson in this for you. Even a comic book geek can get the hot chicks. And what comic book geek would not give his left arm for a hook up with a hot, sexy B-movie babe? Not a one, I'm sure. Hell, I'd give my left arm for those tits. To have, not to hold. Pervert. So, where was I? Oh, yes. Even though Julie appears to be fat-bottomed in some photos, you can rest assured that the Queen song Fat Bottomed Girls was not, in any way, written with Ms. Strain-Eastman in mind. You can pretty much bet that Ms. Strain is not spending her nights scarfing down pepperoni and anchovy pizzas and chasing it down with a gallon of Friendly's Double Chocolate ice cream. Not that I do that. Not at all. My ice cream comes from Cold Stone Creamery. And I hate anchovies. My god, my thighs are huge. Huge, as in Julie Strain's... you see where I'm going.

April 21, 2004

Dedication #1: Dana

One dedication post tonight, because I am so tired my blood is yawning. [see here for how to get a post dedicated to you] This one is for Dana, a vet who donated a nice chunk of change to SOA today in the name of the Victory Coalition. Dana asked me to write about parenting. I asked him if it was ok if I pulled an old post from Raising Hell and he said sure. Thank you for your generous donation to Spirit of America, Dana. May the force be with you, always. Post below

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