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Results here.
Polls for Cowbell AND 60's albums will go up tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I've just spent some time pondering why Mr. Belvedere is never shown in reruns anywhere. Or why Nickelodeon never brought back Eureka's Castle, not even in repeats.
Things that make me (probably not you) go hmmm.
Reminder that we still have cowbell nominations and other voting going on here.
In order to move this along at a better pace, I'm going to open up another category at the same time as cowbell. This one is going to be the first in an ongoing series of decade-related categories.
BEST ALBUM OF THE 60'S.
Do some Googling (or use allmusic.com) if you're not sure when an album was released. Don't make me chastise you in front of everyone! Here's a list of 200 to get you started.
I was tagged by Rox and this one had interesting questions, so I bit.
1. Of all the books that you have eventually finished after many starts & stops, which one took you the longest and how long did it eventually take?
I usually plow right through books. Sometimes, in the case of a really good book, I'll let it linger a bit just because I don't want it to end; I want to savor it. And sometimes I will keep putting a book down because it's painful to read. But, compulsive person that I am, even if a book is a piece of garbage that I loathe, once I've started it I have the need to finish it, no matter how horrid it is.
Case in point: Michael Chabon's Summerland. I had previously read his Kavalier and Clay and thought it was a masterpiece. Chabon is a writer who knows how to string a phrase together with such exquisite precision and flow, it's like his paragraphs are works of art. So I was excited to read Summerland, not just because of his wonderful writing and his storytelling skills. Summerland was touted as a children's novel of adventure and magic and baseball and I thought, what could possibly be better than those three things together as told by Chabon? In my review, I wrote:
The idea of taking all the things that made other children's fantasy books work and putting them into one story may seem like a genius idea at the start, but imagine it this way: taking all of your favorite desserts and sticking them in a food processor to make one uber dessert would not turn out well. Not only would you not be able to tell the peanut butter from the chocolate, but it would taste like ass.
Well, it took me months to trudge through the ass-in-a-blender Summerland.
It turned out to be a mish mash of half-formulated ideas that never gelled together. Despite Chabon's flourish with the pen, this story turned out to be dreadful - clunky, boring, tedious, cliche driven, etc. I put it down half way through and thought I'd just leave it at that, but I was compelled to pick it up again and finish it off. It took four months for me to read Summerland and, really, I could have gone my whole life without ever knowing the ending. It just didn't matter by the time I got there.
2. What great band (or album or song) have you heard so often, you wouldn't mind never hearing again even though you still think the band (or album or song) is great?
Faith No More, Epic.
My least favorite song on the least favorite album by my favorite band. It irks the hell out of me that a band with so many good tunes is known for the most pedestrian song in their catalog. Typical conversation:
What's your favorite band?
Faith No More.
Ohh, the fish video guys hahahah! or Yea, you want it all but you can't have it hahahah! or That weird dude with the high pitched voice - what is it, what is it, hahahaha!.
Epic comes on the radio and I literally cringe and jump to change the station.
3. Which cliché or often cited quote needs to be placed in quarantine for a few decades?
The whole "your mom" thing has got to go. From the internet to schools to even grown men using this phrase, your mom is everywhere. She's on coffee mugs and t-shirts, she's in songs and on tv, she's done everything with everyone, has fucked ten thousand different men and yea, she's hot.
Who took my soda?
Your mom.
I need a date for the prom.
Your mom will go.
Can someone help me with this presentation?
Yea, your mom will help hahaha.
Egads, stop it already. How do I know this cliche has reached the pinnacle of its usefulness? Just two days ago I was in a diner and I saw a man who had to be about 65 years old, paunchy, graying, thinning hair, the sheen of alcohol giving him that red-faced glow. He was wearing a shirt that said "Your mom thinks I'm hot."
This cliche is officially done. Your mom says so.
4. During the 1990s "Compassion Fatigue" received a lot of press, now the media is giddy with "Donation Fatigue". What will be the next trendy fatigue?
Disaster fatigue. No one will want to hear about earthquakes and tornadoes and hurricanes and blizzards anymore. They are so yesterday. Anderson Cooper and Al Roker will have to resort to covering things like Groundhog Day and Girl Scout cookie drives becuase no one will want to watch them wade through the remains of yet another disaster. Cable networks will see sinking ratings. Not even catchy nicknames (The Terror in Tennessee!) or flashy images (think animated fire engulfing Disneyworld) or spinnng logos or guest anchors (and now, Anna Nicole live from the scene of the donut factory explosion!) will make people tune in. 12 foot snowstorms will bring yawns. Tidal waves wiping out entire cities will bring a roll of the eyes. Imploding buildings will have people reaching for their remotes looking for repeats of Full House. Disaster, schmaster. Give us Kimmy Gibbler and Cut. It. Out. any day of the week over another (yawn) tragic act of nature.
5. What percentage of respodents will answer "meme fatigue" to question #4?
All of them. But I'll just tell them to STFU and turn the page if they don't like it. Booya.
I'm supposed to "tag" someone here, but I'll just leave it wide open for anyone to grab. I don't want to be forceful, lest I be accused of bringing about meme fatigue.
Finalists for Song that is most recoginzed by its opening:
[this poll has been completed]
Vote early, vote often, etc.
And now, the new, heavily anticipated category, brought to you by Mikey and Christopher Walken:
BEST USE OF COWBELL IN A ROCK SONG
If you need some suggestions, there are plenty here. The cowbell was used a LOT more than you realize.
/sings Don't Fear the Reaper
Let the nominations begin.
click and read!
With the exception of David Lee Roth in the morning (starting in January), KRock will be offically dead to me as soon as the new "Free FM" format takes over.
"Infinity's FREE FM stations will feature an eclectic mix of personalities, whose distinct creativity, perspective, sense of humor, intellect and unpredictability do not fall under the guiding principals of any particular narrowcast theme or ideology," said Joel Hollander, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, Infinity. "An entertaining hybrid of provocative, political, pop culture, news, music and lifestyle formats, our next generation of FM stations will be personified by their conviction, passion, originality, fearlessness and innovation which is not heard anywhere else on the radio."
Shorter press release:
Talk, talk, talk, more talk, more blabber about nothing, prank phone calls and "odd" news, bitching about the world with in a post-modern ironic kind of way, fluffy Hollywood interviews, thirty second sound bites about the top grossing movies, some Paul Harvey-esque dude giving you a humorous take on a news subject and, fuck you don't lie to us there will be no music.
Rock radio is dead.
There are now two rock stations left in New York (Long Island based WBAB and NYC based Q104) and both feed you a steady diet of Freebird, Stairway to Heaven and select cuts from The Wall, interspersed with a Nickelback song here or there to keep them current.
New York has no real rock station. That's a god damn pity.
Yea, I know. There's satellite radio.
Well, not everyone can afford a satellite radio in their car (this is where people do most of their radio listening). And whether one could afford it or not is NOT the point. The point is, free rock and roll radio is dead. Thanks to ideas like Jack - the worst thing to happen to radio since the beginning of time - FM "rock" radio is nothing more than an iPod stuffed with classic rock standards, set to shuffle. There is no innovation, no free form radio, no station that plays deep album cuts, nothing daring out there. There is nowhere on he New York metro area radio dial to get new rock music. Am I the only one that sees the pity in that? That the place that brought you formerly great radio stations like WNEW and WPLJ is now devoid of a station that spins the next big thing, the new bands, that introduces you to new sounds is gone, gone, gone?
Where did I first hear the latest Zeppelin song? Who helped me discover Van Halen? Who told me that John Lennon died? Where was the first place I heard the Ramones? Rock radio, all of the above.
The girls don't seem to care tonight
As long as the mood is right
No static at all, no static at all
FM--no static at all
It's gone. It's happening everywhere, not just New York. Rock and roll radio is dead. I don't care that there are alternatives. It's still god damn sad that the best thing about FM radio is no more.
Do you remember Murray the K,
Alan Freed, and high energy?
It's the end, the end of the 70's
It's the end, the end of the century
Do you remember lying in bed
With your covers pulled up over your head?
Radio playin' so no one can see
We need change, we need it fast
Before rock's just part of the past
'Cause lately it all sounds the same to me
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh
Will you remember Jerry Lee,
John Lennon, T. Rex and OI Moulty?
It's the end, the end of the 70's
It's the end, the end of the century
I know, out with the old, in with the new. It's just my opinion that the old was better. Curmedgeonly of me, probably, but kids today will never know the beauty of good FM rock radio.
If anyone is in any of the areas that started playing Free FM today, I'd like to hear what you think.
Update:
And another thing: What about alternative radio? There is no outlet for new bands, local bands, bands that don't fit into the Zeppelin/Skynyrd/Def Leppard mold prevelant on radio now. Any millionaires out there who want to give me money to start a new radio station?
No?
There are some good college stations out there playing hard rock, current rock and alternative, but that's usually for only three or four hours at a time. And if I could get WSOU in my house and car all the time without static, I wouldn't be so unhappy about the loss of other rock stations (especially the first incarnation of Q104, which was a metal up your ass kind of thing).
I've been with KRock for a long time, through quite a few programming changes. The latest one sounded good on paper, but hasn't held up well. I think if they want narrower instead of broader, they might have hung onto enough listeners to make it worthwile to keep the station rolling as is. Instead, they tried to be like the Jack of rock radio - encompassing everything from Disturbed to Tom Petty - and it didn't fly.
What I want to know is, where is the audience for more talk radio? Are there enough people out there to make Free FM profitable? Who wants to hear this crap? No one I know.
And another update:
There's a great article in today's Daily News on this subject. And, as TC mentions in the comments, I'll probably listen to Penn Jillette's show as well as DLR's, but that's about it.
Update again:
I appreciate everyone who has commented about/sent me alternatives to radio (streaming stations, college stations, etc) - I'm not really looking for an alternative to listen to, so much as I am lamenting the passing of New York rock and roll radio. I know there are other places/ways out there to hear music, I'm just upset about KRock pretty much dying right in front of me.
I'm going to miss Booker.
Ed has something to say as well. I knew he would.
Wow, this one was CLOSE.
I'll have the poll for the latest category up soon (you've got about two hours to get your nominations in). I'm going to try to get through these faster and not let them linger as many days because I have a lot of categories to get through.
Coming up:
Best live album
Best debut album
Best "supergroup"
Best albums of the 60's/70's/80's/90's
Best Weird Al cover
Best song sung by a chick
Best use of cowbell in a song
That's just a few suggestions from y'all that I have deemed ready for prime time. Which of those would you like to see up next?
Yep.
Chris Jericho is STILL smokin' hot.
Ratt and Roll
DJ looking wistful about the 80's, a decade that began 13 years before he was born. How stuck in the 80's is he? Just look at his shirt. A moment before this (captures on film that I haven't yet uploaded) he was singing Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer. Like he meant it.
He's also wearing the 3D glasses needed to view tonight's opening episode of VH1's I Love the 80's: 3D. Yes, we have been anxiously anticipiating.
[This has not been a paid advertisement]
Final polling for best video:
[this poll has been completed]
And now, your new category. YES, THIS IS THE NEW CATEGORY AND YOU MAY LEAVE NOMINATIONS HERE.
That was to avoid any confusion, like there has been in the past.
This new category is brought to you by my sister Jo-Anne:
Song that is most recoginzed by it's opening riff.
NOTE: This is not the same as best guitar riff or even BEST opening. You are to nominate the songs that are instantly recognizable by the opening notes/drums/voice/guitar/whatever and are maybe even defined by that opening, as in Stairway to Heaven or Smoke on the Water or, in the case of my opinion, Running With the Devil. It's not so much a the best of category as it is a way of honoring a song that has a great, recognizable, defining opening.
Have I explained myself clearly? We'll find out soon enough.
Update: It doesn't have to be a riff, per se. It could be a voice or any other kind of tell-tale noise, such as in Black Sabbath's Iron Man. So we are just calling it OPENING instead of opening riff.
[Hall of Fame stuff coming up later this morning]
I've been slack in my Halloween posting. This is a piece from last year, I just added some new photos. You'll see below that I'm looking for some ghost stories to share with the kids, and with all of you in case you're looking for something a little spooktacular, too. Halloween is a week from today, so I'll have a bunch of stuff coming up this week in regards to that.
While a good ghost story goes a long way all year round, there's no time like the season of autumn to hear tales of terror. It's not just the particular holiday of Halloween that makes it so; there's more to the spookiness of autumn than that.
Perhaps it's the way the branches of trees start to poke out from where they hid all summer under the leaves. They claw at the sky like bony fingers, making the baring trees look like skeletons rising from the ground.
Perhaps it's the way it gets dark so early and long shadows creep up on you in late afternoon, scaring the sunlight away.
Perhaps it's the crunching of the dead leaves underfoot, the crisp sound echoing in the open space of autumn like the cracking of bones.
Perhaps it's the bright harvest moon, whose eerie face seems to mock you as you walk alone down a dark street, or the sudden onslaught of flocks of sinister looking birds that swoop down by the hundreds with their cacophony of screaming caws and shrieks.
Or perhaps it's just the aura of death around you, as the grass turns a sickly brown and the summer's last hold on the once thriving flowers loses its battle against the cold, turning the flowers into dried out corpses.
I always loved a ghost story, especially if it was being told by a person who knew the art of storytelling; the pitch, the voice, the dramatic pauses all have to be done to perfection in order to make the story come to life. The right storyteller can make even a mundane tale seem frightening. Both my parents had this gift; to this day I get shivers whenever I think of my father's story about the evil Rigatoni. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? But it was told in early fall on a dark night in upstate New York, with bats flying into the window and trees rustling against the house. My father, by adding the right tone of creepy to what was some nonsense he had been ad-libbing, managed to freak us all out with the story of a renegade piece of pasta. That is a gift.
Of course, the way to ensure that any ghost story you are listening to will give you a good scare is to believe. Listening to my mom or dad share their tales of terror was even better when I was fully, 100%, unequivocally sure that the stories were either true or could really happen. As they recited the stories, I would mumble to myself I do believe in ghosts, I do believe in ghosts, like an incantation that would make sure the necessary goose bumps raised up on my arms. But believing in things that live in the dark has its downfalls, as once you actually got into the dark when the storytelling was done - in your bedroom, by yourself - you suddenly did not want to believe in ghosts. You wanted to believe in anything but. 
Scary stories are a lot of fun when you're huddled around with your favorite cousins and few adults and the smell of popcorn and hot chocolate wafts out from the kitchen. Alone in the night with no one but a stuffed kitten for company and the ominous smell of autumn coming in the window, the stories take on a life of their own. Your bed is an oasis and your feet must not touch the floor or even peek out from under the covers or the dusty corpse of a long-ago buried witch would surely grab you by your toes and proceed to eat you alive, not stopping until she swallows your soul. And when the bed creaks or a branch scrapes against the window, you wish, wish, wish with all your might and your eyes squeezed shut tight that never said you believe in monsters and spirits and evil that walks the night because if you don't believe they can't hurt you. When daylight finally arrives, after a night of horrific dreams, you do it all over again because daytime has a way of making you naively brave.
And so it is time for ghost stories again. Ghost story, in this case, is all encompassing. It's a catch-all for tales that scare, creep, frighten or chill. There could be ghosts or goblins, witches or zombies, spirits looking for revenge or bloody limbs strewn across a graveyard. They could be tales that people swear to be true or tales that are too bizarre to believe, yet scare you nonetheless. They are stories read from books or orally passed down from generation to generation; stories that take place in locations we know or far away lands we hope to never go. Sure, they are all scary enough on any day of the year but, told in the thick of autumn, they take on a more sinister, terrifying tone. Just the way it should be.
Thomas Hardy's The Withered Arm
If you've got a ghost story to share, let me know. I can always use some new material with which to scare the children.
I didn't forget about the best video category, I just don't like to put polls up on the weekend. The polling will commence tomorrow, so there's still time to get a nomination in.
I've had a couple of suggestions for the next category. I've narrowed it down to either:
Which one of those do you want for tomorrow?
Kitty staring out the window at me. Those holes in the screen? Yep, she did that.
She's an awesome cat. A little freaky, a little on the psychotic side but, hey, she's a cat.
New autumnal photos.
Cooooooooooooool.
The Pennsylvania Game Commission asks anyone who has seen a deer with a pumpkin head to call 1-814-643-1831.
Just tell your grandma you blew off dinner plans you made with her because you were stoned. She'll understand.
I don't know who I hate more - the people who made this commercial, for being so cheesy, overwrought and manipulative, or the imaginary guy who made his grandma sad.
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY!!!111!1! EVERY YEAR WE GET TOGETHER AND MAKE SALMON FOR TOAST EVERY YEAR WE GET A CROCKETY BLOAT EVERY YEAR WE GET DRUNK ON THE DOCKS AND EVERY YEAR WE HAVE SEX WITH OUR CAPS LOCKS!!!!!! I
YAH! O RLY! I AM FUCKING OBSESSED WITH INTERNET OWLS!
CAPS LOCK CAPS LOCK ROCK OUT WITH YOUR LOCKS OUT ROFL!11!11!!1!1ELEVENTYONE!!1111
HAHAHA I AM CRACKING MYSELF UP HERE. SOMEBODY GET ME A DRINK OR A VALIUM. HERE I AM ROCK ME LIKE A HURRICANE!
I can't be the only one who hates when rich people play the lottery.
New, oft suggested category:
BEST ROCK VIDEO THAT IS NOT A LIVE PERFORMANCE VIDEO
Also, must be from AFTER the dawn of MTV, meaning they must have been made/aired after August 1, 1981.
Notice the NOT A LIVE PERFORMANCE thing. First one to not pay attention and nominate a live performance gets kicked in the head.
This means no Nirvana unplugged. No rare concert footage. No Beatles on Ed Sullivan. Nothing from Woodstock. Again, for the hard of hearing: NO LIVE VIDEOS AND NO "VIDEOS" (like concert footage) FROM BEFORE 1981.
Also, they must be ROCK (and as we already defined, rock means any of the sub genres listed here. Basically, no disco, rap, country. And yes, Duran Duran counts as rock here.
Ok then. You may proceed with the nominating.
There were way too many suggestions in the cover songs category to even narrow it down to a poll. I think there would have been no point, anyhow. I'm just going to go ahead and name the winner without a vote.
JOHNNY CASH
FOR HIS COVER OF NIN'S HURT
(PS kept crashing, so no trophy tonight)
I have no new category yet, still listening to suggestions (what about best live album?). But here's one of my favorite cover songs ever. The last minute alone is worth the download.
his name is dio....ronnie james dio....
How cute are they?
Feel free to stop by, peruse, critique, comment, whatever.
Van Halen will not be taking INXS' lead by participating in a possible second season of the reality television series "Rock Star," according to the band's spokesperson. MTV News erroneously reported Wednesday that a source close to the program claimed that if "Rock Star" does return for a second season, that the core Van Halen trio — Michael Anthony and brothers Alex and Eddie Van Halen — would be the band auditioning potential singers. The band flatly denies any involvement in the show.
Everything I said about Eddie this morning still stands, minus the stuff about reality tv. At least I finally got the burden of carrying all that EVH strife around with me for so many years.
In a surprise to no one, the best C band is:
I'll put the cover song poll up later. Busy now. Just didn't want to fall behind on this, because I'd get all confuzzled. We're still doing cover songs, right? Ok. Just checking. Gonna need a new category for later on tonight, too.
[please see update below]
MTV is reporting that next season's installment of Rock Star (the reality show that just placed a new lead singer for INXS) will be Van Halen. Apparently this was big news last night, as I received, oh, about 72 emails with various links to the many stories out there about this.
My first reaction? Ok, count to ten before you punch the wall. No, count to twenty before you hunt Eddie down and kill him.
[Deep, mournful sigh]
I'm just going to pretend to tell Eddie how I feel.
Dear Eddie:
Well, you're at it again. The road to ruin takes another detour as you try to find yet another way to hang on to your rock star status before you self implode and end up in an alley somewhere.
I love you, Eddie - in that rock-star god kind of way. I appreciate everything you brought to the genre and I am the first to bring up your name in "greatest guitar players" conversations. But come on, man. Stop wearing your ass on your hat, if you know what I mean.
I think any time a lead singer leaves a band, that band should not carry on with its original name. A new singer changes the dynamic, the entire face of the band. It becomes different. So I was a little taken aback when you all decided to carry on the VH name without Dave. But, hey - your band, your prerogative. And this really has nothing to do with Sammy or Gary Cherone.
Well, yes it does. It has to do with you (and we know it's you, Eddie, and not Michael Anthony or even Alex, who most people couldn't pick out of a lineup) and the way you have bastardized the Van Halen name ever since the first break up. I don't want to get into the whole Eddie v. Sammy/Gary thing, but it's just part and parcel of the bigger picture. The fact is, Eddie, that you have never thought of anyone but yourself, least of all the fans who bought your records, went to your show, lifted you to rock god status, and stood by you even when it was apparent that you had become a belligerent, drunken jackass.
I'm not sure what you're trying to prove by agreeing to do this show. Is it that you want to hang on to rock and roll lifestyle for a bit more? Or is that you are finally read to let go of the last shred of dignity you might have had and just go down in blazing flames finally? Really, this isn't so much about the band appearing on Rock Star as it is with your insistence on carrying on with the Van Halen name. Yea, it's your name. But how hard would be to change the band to Eddie Van Halen and the Nancy Boys? Well, that's just an example, but you know what I mean. To keep pretending to be something you are not - the Van Halen of old - just makes you look like an old man who sweeps those few remaining strands of hair over his balding scalp. You can look in the mirror and pretend you are VH all you want, it doesn't make it so.
People are laughing at you, Eddie. They are reading this article and talking about it many rock forums and the words being used the most are pathetic and washed-up and fucking asshole. And this isn't just DLR fans like me, but from the stalwarts who stuck with you even through the abomination known as Van Halen III, and even the newer generation of VH fans, the young kids like my son who recognize the band for what they were, not what they are now. How am I going to tell him? This will be worse than when he found out there was no Santa Claus, worse than when the Yankees lost to the Red Sox. Reality tv? Searching for a lead singer on a weekly show filled with drama, fighting between band members, wannabe David Lee Roth's and, jesus, man, Eddie Van Halen doing his guitar god thing on reality tv. It sounds like a joke.
You should have quit trying to resurrect VH a long time ago. You should have given the band another name and moved on. You have turned one of the most celebrated hard rock bands into an embarrassment. I would have rather seen VH appear on an episode of "What Ever Happened To..," than to have them brought to life again in this incarnation. Embarrassing, Eddie. For you, for VH fans, for everyone except the producers of the show who know damn well that everyone will be turning in to see this train wreck.
Thanks for killing whatever good name VH had left, Eddie. Why don't you just f-f-f-ade away like most rock stars?
Sincerely,
A former fan of yours
Update: Yes, I know this has been debunked and VH will NOT be appearing on the show. See my new post on that here.
More creepy/stupid stories for Halloween, both taken from my posts at 100 Words, which I am reminding you to visit on a daily basis.
And yea, I'm not gonna make 50. My muse left me for a bit.
Five short stories for you reading pleasure (or otherwise) below the fold.
#8 Down in a Hole
My skin is walking off my bones. I’m uptight. Restless. I rub the skin on my arms until it flakes but it still feels like it’s crawling away.
I pace. Forward five. Turn. Back five. Five is all I can go in these shackles. I want to go ten, twenty, five hundred, home. I can’t.
It’s dark and damp and every sound is amplified. This place is cavernous. Yet I feel like I’m in a mousehole.
I hear footsteps, going away. A door slams, my heart jumps, my stomach drops.
I wonder when he’ll come back.
I pace forward five.
--------------
#9: Hungry Like the Wolf
I stay within the shadows
blend with the darkness,
go unnoticed
until it’s too late
A flicker of movement
bursts from the night
I am on them.
Surprise is their weakness
no time to defend.
In seconds
the flesh is hanging from their throat
muscles exposed
blood painting the ground
I drag the victim to a private place
I devour skin
bone
fluids
until I am sated
I leave the remains
for the wolves;
more my brethren than humans.
I howl
then sleep
dawn breaks
I walk the streets
become me again
or leave me again
it’s hard to tell.
-----
#10: My Cup Runneth Over
I know it’s wrong, but nourishment is scarce since the plague; healthy blood is hard to find and I’d rather not wither to dust.
I entered the church at midnight and located the sacristy. Still feeling uncomfortable about what I was doing, I did a quick sign of the cross (that does not kill us) and drank. Lucky me, it was blessed. I could feel the life coursing through me.
Then I saw the priest standing there.
He cut my stomach out with a pocket knife, squeezed and drained my fluids into the wine vessel.
Good thing I’m already dead.
----
#11: Escape Clause
“It was a dark and stormy night. I was in the cemetery, minding..”
“Looking for bodies...”
“I’ll wait for my attorney.”
“Will he be here soon?”
I glanced out the window. “Sun’s down. Should be soon.”
A few minutes later, a bat appeared at the window.
“Let him in.”
“Excuse me? The bat?”
“My attorney.”
“Oh come on...”
I bared my teeth a bit, let my fur stand up.
He opened the window.
The bat flew in and, in one small poof, became Dracula, Attorney at Law.
The officer fainted and Drac flew us out of there. Works every time.
----------------
#12 Season of the Creep
The Creeping Season lasts only two weeks but it feels like forever. It comes the morning of the first frost, has for hundreds of years now. We just pray a lot and peek out the curtains to watch the fuzzy brown stuff creep out the forest and over the stream and onto the street and the grass and our sidewalks. It moves real slow, like it’s taking it’s time, the bastard.
When it’s gone after two weeks so’s one of our young ones. The creep has gotta eat, I guess. Maybe after the frost is when kids are in season?
Well, that's what they were doing. What possesses a group of 12 year old boys to think that throwing rocks at each other is a good, fun thing to do?
That's the garage window they broke. They FREAKED out. So I told them that they would all have to come over on Saturday and work for the money needed to replace the windows - and they'd have to bring their parents with them to see what they did. I told them to be prepared to mow the lawn, rake the leaves, clean out the gutters and trim the hedges.
Did I mention the window is plastic and will cost about ten dollars to replace?
I just figured that making them sweat it out and nearly piss their pants at the thought of what their parents would do to them was good enough punishment.
Am I evil? Yes, I am.
On Oct. 18, 1985, the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) first went on sale in the United States
I would just like to take a moment to commemorate this historical event.
Happy Birthday, NES. I still love you now as much as I did when on the day you were born. Twenty years later, you still sit by my tv, right next to your offspring, the Game Cube. We anxiously await the next generation of Nintendo gaming. And while I may play with and bestow affection upon the other Nintendo systems, you will always hold a special place in my heart and forver remain my favorite. Thank you, NES. Thank you for Mario and Zelda, for Metroid and Kid Icarus, for Ninja Gaiden and for everything that came after you - SNES, Game Boy, N64, Game Cube - Happy Birthday.
Hang on, I'm getting verklempt.
Feel free to share your NES memories. What were your favorite games?
Today is Wednesday, which means Musical Chairs day and today's mission is to write about a song that is currently getting a lot of play in your music player of choice.
My chosen tune works on several levels here; it's a cover song, and cover songs just happens to be the new hall of fame category, and it reminds me very much of Halloween, which just happens to be around the corner.
Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine - Down With the Sickness. (I think I uploaded the version from Conan O'Brien rather than the CD version - don't have time to switch it out, but it's just as good)
The song was originally recorded by Disturbed, a band that I happen to like, much to the chagrin of some of my music purist friends. I really dig the guy's voice. But what I dig more is Richard Cheese's lounge singer affectation giving "Sickness" a whole new vibe, a surreal, twisted tone.
Heavy metal in its true form is hard to sing when you're a middle aged white woman with a singing voice reminiscent of a dying seal. But when you take a hard, mean, angry, obscenity filled song about hating your mother and give it a cheesy, breezy, night club feel, everyone wins. Even I can sing along. And I do, often taking the typical lounge singer stance and using whatever is handy (pencil, shampoo bottle, cell phone) as a faux microphone. There's something so delicious about singing Here it comes, get ready to die in Liberace mode.
Some of you may recognize this from the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead. In my opinion, the scene in which this song appears is the greatest juxtaposition of music and film ever recorded. It's a perfect, and using this cover version rather than the original was an absolute stroke of genius.
Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine cover all kinds of rock (Radiohead, Weezer, System of a Down, RATM, etc.) /popular classics (Hot in Here, Baby Got Back and more). You can check out more Richard Cheese at his ugly ass website here, download some samples of his covers here and buy his records here.
[New category below the poll]
This is going to be one hot contest. For the first time, I have no clear prediction of who will win.
[this poll has ended]
And now, the new category.
BEST COVER OF A ROCK SONG. Pay attention to the rules here:
The cover must be of a ROCK SONG. So a band covering some Broadway tune or 70's bubblegum song (I'm think Me First and the Gimme Gimmes here) do NOT count.
Also: for the first time, non-rock musicians can get nominated, by virtue of having covered a rock song (see, Pat Boone, William Shatner).
Please give original artist when nominating, thank you.
Category idea courtesy of Solonor.
Update: Some of my nominations (I'll add as I think of more).
My criteria for nominating on this (and this is just me, not necessary as a rule) is that the cover has to be so profound as to make the song different; I like when an artist covers a song and makes it their own, instead of just doing a carbon copy of the original).
I would like to also nominate
Goldfinger's cover of Duran Duran's Rio
Vanilla Fudge's cover of The Supremes' You Keep Me Hanging On
Cake doing Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive
More:
Van Halen doing the Kinks' You Really Got Me AND Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman
Type O doing Seals and Crofts' Summer Breeze AND Neil Young's Cinnamon Girl
Gary Jules' doing Tears For Fears' Mad World
Marilyn Manson doing Eurythmics' Sweet Dreams
Joe Cocker doing the Box Tops' The Letter
I think out of all of those Vanilla Fudge does the most to make someone else's song their own. If you never heard it, get it. I'll see if I can find a copy of it.
I went to sleep early last night and dreamed about the end of the world. It was the usual apocalyptic dream; fire, screaming, death, destruction, me trying to find my kids. I woke myself up when it got to be too much, watched an episode of Futurama and went back to sleep.
At 11:00, my husband came to bed (I did not tell him about my dream. I was half asleep). Around midnight, he started talking in his sleep (a common thing) which woke me up. He said: "So this is how we are all going to die?" He sounded more bemused than frightened. "Seriously, this is how it ends? Wow. Oh well, what are you gonna do?" And he let out a resigned chuckle.
Weird. Anyone else have armageddon dreams last night?
Maybe I don't want to know.
Could money bring you happiness? How much money would it take to make you happy?
And for all those that say "I have my family, I don't need anything else" I ask: wouldn't not having to worry about bills make you a happier person in general?
I ask this because I really do think that money CAN buy happiness and when people are asked this question, they don't separate money from the material things you can buy with money. The question is not "can a big screen tv and a fleet of Mercedes make you a happier person overall?" If I had enough money where I didn't have to live check to check, that would make me a much happier person than I am now. I'm not talking a mansion and a yacht. Just enough in the bank to pay the bills without having to lay in bed at night wondering how to stretch the budget this month.
That's my answer.
[this question void for people who are already rich]
There is not a more egotistical man on the planet than Howard Stern.
And his ego is inversely proportionate to his entertainment value.
Ok, no death. Just felt like saying that.
Cake takes the trophy home, finishing ahead of Tool. See results here.
I'll put up the poll for "C" bands later.
I totally missed this milestone yesterday.
Ten. Thousand. Posts.
TEN FREAKING THOUSAND POSTS.
I guess I should say something profound on this dubious occasion.
Thank you.
[and maybe i should start looking into an alternate hobby]
You can still vote for underrated artist/band here (Cake is currently leading) and I'm still taking nominations for "C" bands on the same link.
My new hero is Brother Kenneth M. Hoagland, Principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School in Uniondale, New York (interestingly enough, we had thought about enrolling Natalie in Kellenberg but the price was a bit too steep for us to juggle with the new house).
"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake -- in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects.""Each year it gets worse -- becomes more exaggerated, more expensive, more emotionally traumatic," he said.
"We are withdrawing from the battle and allowing the parents full responsibility. [Kellenberg] is willing to sponsor a prom, but not an orgy.
I want to walk right over to that school and hug this man and then implore my daughter's principal to take the same stance as Brother Hoagland. It's time to stop the nonsense.
The real problem is that half of the parents who are doing these things for their children - the lavish cocktail parties, the Hamptons rentals, the thousand dollar dresses - can barely afford it but do it to "keep up" with the other parents. It stops being about the kids at some point and becomes a) a way for parents to live vicariously through their teenagers and b) a way for parents to prove something to their kids and their friends, (i.e., that they are the "cool" parent) or c) evidence that some people think throwing money at your kids equals throwing love at them.
When Brother Hoagland says "orgy" he isn't talking about sex. He means the lavishness, the absolute decadent way in which parents turn prom night into an extravaganza worthy of Donald Trump. The sad part is, it's not just prom night. Have you seen the MTV show about Sweet 16s? It's enough to make you sick to your stomach. What is it with this generation of parents?
My prom night - over 25 years ago - cost, in today's terms, maybe a week's pay. My pay. Not my parent's. I bought my own dress. We chipped in for a limo, which only brought us to the prom, not home, because we couldn't afford to keep it all night. The after prom event was a party at a friend's house and breakfast cooked by his parents at 5am. That was as decadent as we got. And we had a blast.
In addition to the lack of financial responsibility being taught, there's the culture of permissiveness that often pervades the parent/child relationship. I am not a fan of adult-sponsored drinking parties. I don't subscribe to the "they're going to do it anyhow, they may as well do it supervised" school of thought. I'm more of a "let's teach them that they can have a good time without being fall-down drunk" person. And that puts me squarely in the minority. Why open this door for your kids? Why teach them that drinking is fun? Why let them engage in an activity that loosens your inhibitions and robs you of control over your actions? Parents who allow drinking parties to take place in their house (and the parents who allow their teenagers to attend) are setting their kids up for a disaster. That is not responsible parenting. Did I drink as a teenager? Yes, and worse. But we never did it with a parent's permission. It was unheard of back then. What is it about today's culture that makes this ok, that makes parents think it's just fine to have a group of drunk underage kids going wild in their house? I get into this discussion quite often with other parents (and some non-parents) and, for some reason, I'm always made out to be the bad guy because I think it's irresponsible to be so permissive.
Nor is it responsible parenting to spend $5,000 on a prom dress and thousands more to host a booze cruise for teenagers, in much the same way that I think it shows a lack of responsible parenting to buy your child a brand new car the day he turns seventeen or to turn your daughter's sweet sixteen into a mini-wedding, complete with white glove service.
Brother Hoagland sees all these problems and does not want to play host to them, and I applaud him for that. Kellenberg is a school that, as part of its mission, teaches moral responsibility and humility, among other things. That parents blatantly disregard the wishes of the principal of the school is astounding to me, considering they spend $6000 a year to send their kids to a "better" school. To disregard the basic tenets of that school in order to give their kids what amounts to very expensive drinking binges is almost laughable. Ask any of these parents and they'll tell you they send their children to a Catholic high school not just for the education, but to give them a solid moral and religious backdrop to their formative years. And then this. It's not just hypocritical, it's revolting.
Many parents (as well as students) in the many articles on this story expressed agreement with Brother Hoagland's stance. Obviously, those aren't the parents who are causing the problems in the first place. It's more about people like this:
Edward L., the father of a Kellenberg senior, said he and other parents are discussing whether to organize a prom without the sponsorship of the 2,500-student school. "This is my fourth child to go through Kellenberg and I don't think they have a right to judge what goes on after the prom," he said. "They put everybody in the category of drinkers and drug addicts. I don't believe that's the right thing to do."
Mr. L. fails to see that a) it's not just about the drinking and drugs and b) yes, they DO have a right to judge what goes on after the prom, because the prom has always been sponsored by the school. What one does after the Kellenberg prom is certainly a reflection on the school and its values; if something scandalous were to happen to Kellenberg students on prom night and it made the papers, people will associate the behavior with the school. The fact that this parent thinks that Brother Hoagland's action isn't the right thing to do speaks volumes about him and all the other mothers and fathers and kids who think some god-given right has been taken from them.
I know how hard is to raise teenagers in this time of over indulgence and rampant materialism. But my own mother and father gave me the best parenting lesson of all: Learn how to say NO. It's easy once you get the hang of it and your kids will be better people for it.
I got two emails today asking me about Clutch. They've come up a lot in the HoF voting, especially in the underrated band category and now in the C category. The closest I can come to describing Clutch is: Frank Zappa meets early Black Sabbath. Or, imagine a funkadelic sort of heavy metal with lyrics that warp your brain.
I've uploaded three songs for those who want a taste.
Shogun Named Marcus
Soapmakers
bignews
Enjoy. I really want you to like this. If ranked by the strength of my passion, they would be second only to Faith No More on my favorites list.
Today is nine months since I've had a cigarette.
I just need to remind myself every once in a while that I was able to accomplish that.
Especially on days like today, when a certain offspring has made me want to smoke 40 cigarettes at the same time while drinking a pint of Jack Daniels.
Nine months. I could have had a baby since my last cigarette.
AHAHAHAHAHAhaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I just slapped myself upside the head.
It is, once again, official. We Built This City is the WORST ROCK SONG EVER. See final results here. I am VERY surprised at a) the amount of people who hate American Pie and b) the amount of people who don't hate Paradise.
Moving on, we have the finalists for MOST UNDERRATED/UNDERAPPRECIATED ROCK BAND.
I threw out some of your nominations. There is no way in hell Alice in Chains or Bad Company are underrated. Cream, underrated? Are you serious? TALKING HEADS?
[poll has been completed]
And the new category is something really simple for a lazy Sunday afternoon. Let's go back to the alphabet.
BEST BANDS/ARTISTS THAT BEGIN WITH THE LETTER C
last names for artists, please.
Update: Enough with the lists. Please try to stick to one or two.
Didn't really feel much like blogging today, but I sure did feel like taking pictures of the sky being in a not-stormy stage.
Tonight, it was on fire.
I am really quite pleased with that one, if may say so myself.
And quite pleased with the sky's trying to get back in good favor by being pretty.
I may get back to the HoF blogging tomorrow. Or I may not. it just might be a pumpkin picking kind of day.
What can that be? Is that......blue in my sky? And what is that great big yellow thing?
I don't want to sound ungrateful, Mr. Sun, but where the fuck have you been for the past nine days?
I've been on a cleaning rampage this morning and I've been flipping through the digital cable radio stations while I go at it when I got knocked upside the head with this:
The world is full of compromise, the infinite red tape
But the music's got the magic, it's your one chance for escape
So turn me on - turn me up - it's your turn to dream
A little magic power makes it better than it seems
I'm young, I'm wild and I'm free
I got the magic power of the music in me
I haven't heard, let alone thought about that song or band in many, many years. And now I clearly remember my sister's Triumph poster and the fact that she named her car Emmet after Triumph's lead singer.
Your finalists are:
Vote away. You may choose to write in if you feel your choice was not represented.
And now, the new non-negative category, courtesy of Jay:
Most underrated/underappreciated rock band/artist (past or present)
My obvious answer is Faith No More, though I also nominate The Toadies and Iron Maiden (yes, they are underappreciated)
So Captain Tripps is alive and well and living in Turkey.
You going to Boulder or Vegas?
Me, I'm gonna hook up with Randall and head for the city of sin. If I'm going to go out, I'd rather it be in a blaze of glory than sitting on some old lady's porch whittling or whatever.
Come on down and meet your maker.................*
Vegas, baby, Vegas. Who's with me?
The amazing band Self does a tune called Baby Can You Dig Your Man, the refrain taken from the song referenced throughout the book.
We finally have a winner in the One Hit Wonder category. It was soooooooo close and I'm surprised (and happy) that Spirit in the Sky made such a strong showing. It's really a great song. The winner is:
[cliick for bigger].
You can see the poll results here.
For your listening pleasure: Vapors - Turning Japanese
The nominations for worst rock song are coming in hot and heavy; I have no idea how I'm going to narrow these down to finalists.
Meanwhile, suggestions for next category needed. And an ark.
I've decided to hold off on the guitar solos category for a while, for various reasons. And the voting still goes on for One Hit Wonder.
As we have RAIN RAIN RAIN and wind again today (that's seven days in a row and counting) I am in a MOOD. So I've decided, in honor of the black cloud hanging over my head right now, to open a wing in the Hall of Fame for all the bad songs and bads and whatnot. And we'll start with that baddest of bad categories:
What is the WORST ROCK SONG EVER? The song you hate the most, the song that makes you run screaming out of the room when it comes on the stereo, the song that you would stab somebody over, the song that has the worst lyrics, the worst beat, the most insipid melody or that reminds you of that whore that broke your heart or the band that didn't know when to call it quits or maybe you just have some vitriolic reaction to a certain song and you don't know why or don't care you just LOATHE it becuase it's BAD. Remember, it has to be rock. No Muskrat Love or Macarthur Park or anything from disco hell.
It's October and a woman/man's thoughts turn to candy!
I think this is the fourth in my collage series, though I could swear I did more. This is also the easiest.
Some of the candies are old and nostalgic, some are current, some images are of the candy itself, some of the wrapper or logo. Have fun.
click for bigger.
[I'll be turning your guesses into white font - unless you know how to do that, then please do - in deference to those who may want to guess after you - so if you want to see someone's answers, just scroll and highlight]
Update: answers below
1. Dots
2. Bottle Caps
3. Big League Chewing Gum
4. Necco Wafers
5. Violet Gum
6. Candy Necklace
7. Kit Kat
8. Charleston Chew
9. Pez
10. Jolly Ranchers
11. Fun Dip
12. Life Savers
13. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
14. Good n Plenty
15. Runts
16. Sweet Tarts
17. Pixie Stix
18. Bazooka Bubble Gum
19. Sugar Daddy
20. Pop Rocks
21 Butterfinger
22. Hershey Bar
23. Now and Later
24. Tootsie Pops
25. Warheads
26. Milky Way
27. Twix
28. York Peppermint Patty
29. Snickers
30. Skittles
31. Lemonheads
32. Wax Bottles
33. Bit o Honey
34.Candy Cigarettes
35. Watchamacallit
36. Almond Joy
37. Red Hots
38. Razzles
39. Mary Janes
40. Zots
41. Smartees
42. Payday
43. Krackle Bar
44. AirHeads
45. Junior Mints
46. Whoppers
47. Bubble Yum
48. BB Bats
49. Boston Baked Beans
Take:
One part Beetlejuice
One part Nightmare Before Christmas
One part Grim Fandango
Put them in a blender with a heaping servings each of love, romance and humor.
And that's Corpse Bride.
Wonderful movie.
And finally, the One Hit Wonder finalists. Vote away.
[poll has been finished]
You can still nominate guitar solos here.
Going to see Corpse Bride in a bit.
This is about day six of rain. It's going to rain right up into Saturday. And it's not just light rain or drizzle, no. It's pounding rain and wind that kept us up all night long. This is god damn depressing. It's ruining my Halloween decorating plans and the constant gray and wet is putting me into a funk.
I'm waiting for the ark to show up. Of course, they probably won't let me on board. Who the hell wants the responsibility of repopulating the world, anyhow? And how hard is it to have all that sex when you're surrounded by the wild kingdom?
I'll tell you what, though. I wouldn't forget the unicorn. I'll never forgive you for that, Noah, you incestuous unicorn hater.
This being Wednesday, it's a Musical Chairs day (we took a break last week). Today's topic is a tried and true one, but one music fans never tire of talking about: Favorite guitar solo. [Favorite, not BEST, big distinction!]
You're waiting for something Eddie Van Halen, aren't you? Given my near religious devotion to the guy and his guitar work, you wouldn't be wrong for thinking that. But no, there is no Eruption here. Instead, I choose what some may call a cliche pick:
David Gilmour - Comfortably Numb
There's something that Gilmour can do with his guitar that so many of the others can't - speak to me. The solo in Comfortably Numb isn't just notes being played, it isn't just fingers moving up and down the board. It's Gilmour's version of poetry, of resonance and of emotion. It's singing without the words. What some artists can do with their voices, Gilmour can do with his guitar and that is never more evident than on the last minutes of Comfortably Numb, when Gilmour wraps up all the angst and sandes
