A Small Victory

I've joined the Katrina Blogging Relief Aid blog burst thingie. I'll be making my plea post in the morning. I think we're supposed to pick one charity to ask our readers to give to, but I'm really not sure which one to choose. I'd like to find one that gives directly to the victims of the hurricane; maybe one that has people headed down their to physically give money/goods to the victims. The less bureaucracy the better. And I'm not picky about religious denominations or political motivations or what not - as long as they get the goods/money their, I don't care what they stand for or who they pray to.

Any suggestions?

Posted by me at 08:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

The Good News post has been updated and I'm still replying to all the emails about the school supplies thing - thank you everyone for your offers of assistance. The response has been wonderful and I just hope that I do end up getting the transport donated so I can pull this off.

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for. The naming of the kitty. The winner of the poll was Mathilda. But in a spur of the moment decision - and in a bizarre, unsettling moment in which we ALL (meaning me, the husband and kids) all AGREED on something, the name of the kitty is not any from the poll, but:

Master Shake.

Yes, she's named after this bastard:

I'm sure we'll end up referring to her as "kitty" more than anything, but Master Shake is her formal name, and what went on the forms at the vet tonight.

Here, shakey shakey shakey..........

Posted by me at 08:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

[Comments are enabled again]

Does anyone know how I would go about getting a company to donate what's necessary - truck, space, driver, etc. - to get stuff down to New Orleans if I took up a collection.

I know everyone says just give money to Red Cross, but that's not good enough. I keep reading on websites from people in the area that they need GOODS. If I could figure out what company to call, what they would have to donate, etc., I could take up a huge collection at work and send down a truckload of goods.

Anyone have experience doing something like this? Or do you know anyone in the trucking industry, maybe at FedEx or UPS?

Update: I was thinking of having what I get donated sent to the Astrodome (where the people from the Superdome are going to relocate) and especially gathering school supplies for those kids who have been displaced (and who will be doing the open enrollment thing in Texas).

Update: Already have several people contacting trucking companies for me and someone two people emailed offering to help on the ground in Houston, if I get the stuff that far.

This is wonderful. Thank you.

Another update: I've decided to focus on collecting school supplies. I don't know why. Just what my gut is telling me to do.

Well, I am focusing on school supplies because I think there are so many kids who have been displaced and are going to strange schools, with nothing in hand. I think it might give them a little hope and maybe a smile if kind strangers from all over sent them new supplies.

Oh god, how corny did that sound?

Update: A lot of people are headed to Baton Rouge, so I'm thinking a truckload of school supplies there would work, too - and I already have a contact in the area. Thanks, Dave.

Posted by me at 02:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (25)

From reader Shank:

I work at a hospital in southeastern NC, and one of our pathologists relocated to NO a while back. He's holed up in the Ritz Carlton on Canal street and sent this missive.

He asked if to pass it along, so here it is.

Thanks to all of you who have sent your notes of concern and your prayers. I am writing this note on Tuesday at 2 p.m.. I wanted to update all of you as to the situation here. I don't know how much information you are getting but I am certain it is more than we are getting. Be advised that almost everything I am telling you is from direct observation or rumor from reasonable sources. They are allowing limited internet access, so I hope to send this dispatch today.

Personally, my family and I are fine. My family is safe in Jackson, Miss., and I am now a temporary resident of the Ritz Carleton Hotel in New Orleans. I figured if it was my time to go, I wanted to go in a place with a good wine list. In addition, this hotel is in a very old building on Canal Street that could and did sustain little damage. Many of the other hotels sustained significant loss of windows, and we expect that many of the guests may be evacuated here.

Things were obviously bad yesterday, but they are much worse today. Overnight the water arrived. Now Canal Street (true to its origins) is indeed a canal. The first floor of all downtown buildings is underwater. I have heard that Charity Hospital and Tulane are limited in their ability to care for patients because of water. Ochsner is the only hospital that remains fully functional. However, I spoke with them today and they too are on generator and losing food and water fast.

The city now has no clean water, no sewerage system, no electricity, and no real communications. Bodies are still being recovered floating in the floods. We are worried about a cholera epidemic. Even the police are without effective communications. We have a group of armed police here with us at the hotel that is admirably trying to exert some local law enforcement. This is tough because looting is now rampant. Most of it is not malicious looting. These are poor and desperate people with no housing and no medical care and no food or water trying to take care of themselves and their families.

Unfortunately, the people are armed and dangerous. We hear gunshots frequently. Most of Canal street is occupied by armed looters who have a low threshold for discharging their weapons. We hear gunshots frequently. The looters are using makeshift boats made of pieces of styrofoam to access. We are still waiting for a significant national guard presence.

The health care situation here has dramatically worsened overnight. Many people in the hotel are elderly and small children. Many other guests have unusual diseases. ... There are (Infectious Disease) physicians in at this hotel attending an HIV confection. We have commandered the world famous French Quarter Bar to turn
into an makeshift clinic. There is a team of about seven doctors and PAs and pharmacists. We anticipate that this will be the major medical facility in the central business district and French Quarter.

Our biggest adventure today was raiding the Walgreens on Canal under police escort. The pharmacy was dark and full of water. We basically scooped the entire drug sets into garbage bags and removed them. All under police excort. The looters had to be held back at gunpoint. After a dose of prophylactic Cipro I hope to be fine.

In all we are faring well. We have set up a hospital in the the French Qarter bar in the hotel, and will start admitting patients today. Many will be from the hotel, but many will not. We are anticipating dealing with multiple medical problems, medications and and acute injuries. Infection and perhaps even cholera are anticipated major problems. Food and water shortages are imminent.

The biggest question to all of us is where is the National Guard. We hear jet fignters and helicopters, but no real armed presence, and hence the rampant looting. There is no Red Cross and no Salvation Army.

In a sort of cliché way, this is an edifying experience. One is rapidly focused away from the transient and material to the bare necessities of life. It has been challenging to me to learn how to be a primary care phyisican. We are under martial law so return to our homes is impossible. I don't know how long it will be and this is my greatest fear. Despite it all, this is a soul-edifying experience. The greatest pain is to think about the loss. And how long the rebuid will take. And the horror of so many dead people .

PLEASE SEND THIS DISPATCH TO ALL YOU THING MAY BE INTERSTED IN A DISPATCH from the front. I will send more according to your interest. Hopefully their collective prayers will be answered. By the way, suture packs, sterile gloves and stethoscopes will be needed as the Ritz turns into a MASH.

Posted by me at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)

Please see this post from last night for details.
To repeat from yesterday:

I'm going to collect stories out of NO/Mississippi. Good stories. Stories of people helping each other, people reuniting with loved ones, companies opening their wallets wide, things like that. And pictures, too. Pictures of animals being rescued or families hugging. Feel good stuff. That's what I'm going to do.

Please leave any relevant links in the comments.

It's getting really hard to find the good stories, as all the media seem to be focusing on the deaths and looting. But I'm determined to find anything good in the tons of stories I'm wading through.

Jahne Haze, 4, looks at baby food in a shopping cart that was given to her mother outside a Super Wal-Mart in New Orleans, Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005. Emergency personnel went into the store to get supplies and distributed it to people waiting outside.

Jonathan Harvey rescues his dog Cuddles in Gulfport, Mississippi, on Monday. (AP Photo/John Bazemore)

Links/stories below the fold

• Nowpublic has set up a missing persons board
• Charities, U.S. military mobilize to help

• Crisis hotline available
  * Lowe's to Match Donations up to $1 Million/offer emergency supplies

• In Pittsburgh, philanthropic and faith groups called for volunteers, utility companies sent workers to the South and individuals headed off into the deepest destruction to offer medical services.

* Scott Stewart, a freshman from Biloxi, decided to organize a trip to the Coast for people interested in helping the clean-up effort and rebuilding processes. The response has been astonishing, he said.

• Publix Collects Funds For Red Cross Hurricane Relief Efforts

• 10,000 animals at zoo/aquarium escape harm

Update: Welcome, readers from The Corner. Help me find some good stuff, please, because the pickings are getting really slim. Just leave relevant links in the comments.

• Good can come from the worst of circumstances. KPLC's Theresa Schmidt met a woman today whose experience as an evacuee has renewed her faith in people.

• KPLC/American Red Cross Katrina Disaster Relief

• Area people offer hands-on help, financial aid for stricken South

• Tribune McKormick Relief Campaign will match first million dollar raised at 50 cents on the dollar

[Part I of Good News here]

• Region returning favor to hard-hit areas

• FYI, pet rescue donations can be made through the Humane Society

• Baby Girl Born During Hurricane Evacuation

• From Overtaken by Events:

On the upside, I got a comment on this post about a mother looking for information about her son in Metarie. the commentor left his cell number so I sent a text message to him. I then called his mother to say I was trying and she told me that she had just receiceved a call from him, he was fine and on his way out of the city. You just have to love them internets.

• Kitties saved!

• Houston's raining cats and dogs

• From the comments:
  

  
  My mother, who took out our family of refugees to IHOP yesterday in Sugar Land, TX (Houston suburbs) was greeted by a pleasant surprise. She was with my two aunts and their grandchildren (about 4 of them ranging in ages from 7 - 10), and everyone commented on how well behaved they were. One woman wondered why the children were not in school, and she told them that they were from Slidell, LA escaping the hurricane. She then managed to take the check right from my mom's hands before she could protest and treated my whole family to their meal. It is stories like that that give me hope amongst all the despair. Just thought I would leave this...

• Yankees, NFL give one million each.

Part III here

Posted by me at 06:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)

Today is Wednesday, which means it is Rock Gods Musical Chairs day. I will get back to the "Good News" postings shortly (I will be starting a second thread). Also, for those of you emailing and wondering when I am going to address the situation with the judge, please note that, due to stipulations set forth in my employment contract, I can not (and would not, anyhow) blog about it. I will also announce the kitty's name later today.

Other participants (I will link their specific posts when they go up):

Andrew (Sitting in for Andrew this week is his brother: Jimi Hendrix
Tesco: Bubba Dupree of DC Hardcore band Void
Courtney : David Bowie
Mr. Nimbus: Syd Barrett
Devilish Belle: Ramones

In today's installment of Rock Gods, I pay tribute to the many musical stylings of Mike Patton, star of Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Fantomas, Tomahawk and Lovage and co-founder of Ipecac Recordings. It would be hard to say what I love most about Patton: the versatility of his voice - his soothing tones, his guttural screams, his passionate moans - or his lyrical and musical genius.

Here are three Mike Patton samplings, from three different eras/bands:

1. Faith No More - Midlife Crisis (download)
It's not my absolute favorite FNM song, but it does epitomize what FNM is all about: With lyrics like your menstruating heart, it ain't bleedin' enough for two and liberal use of Patton's clenched teeth hissing and growling, Midlife Crisis is a great starting point for the uninitiated. It's got this raw anger that comes only with age; a bitterness that leaves a taste like Greek olives in your mouth and a certainty that yea, you're getting old but at least you're bound to beat the shit out of someone before you're too tired to do it.

2. Mr. Bungle - Retrovertigo.

Taken from the pure work of art known as California, Retrovertigo is, in my mind, one of the greatest songs ever recorded. It's slow, it's moody, it pulls at your gut and sucks you in and never lets you out. Patton's voice is at its finest here. He's all smooth and low one minute and powerful the next and in between there's about a billion emotions. Here, you can also get a great lesson in how to compose a tune that will forever be etched in someone's head. You'll be watching the news one day and suddenly the words to Retrovertigo will pop into your head and Mike Patton will be singing them. And you will thank me.

3. Lovage - Anger Management
Here we have a selection from another Patton band, Lovage, from the album Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By (produced by Dan the Automator and featuring the incredibly sexy voice of Jennifer Charles ). Listening to Anger Management is to put yourself in a red velvet bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling. It's sitting in a smoky barroom watching the female lounge singer lick her lips and run her hands down her sides. It's red lipstick and black garters and cigar smoke and maybe even a few dollars on the nightstand in the morning. Patton's voice is at once sultry and dangerous and, together with Charles, this tune oozes sexuality.

Patton can do it all - anger, love, jealousy, horror, sex - and he has a different voice, a different persona for each emotion, each genre he puts forth. His voice is a music instrument in itself and Patton plays it perfectly.

For those whose only experience listening to Patton comes from his nasally, spasmodic rap on Epic (you know, that video with the fish), I suggest you try out the tunes above and get a taste of what else the man has to offer.

Other essential listening:

From The Real Thing: Surprise! You're Dead!
From Angel Dust: RV
From King For a Day, Fool For a Lifetime: Gentle Art of Making Enemies
From Album of the Year: Helpless
From Fantomas - Director's Cut: The Omen (Ave Satani)(download)
From Mr. Bungle: Stubb (a Dub)
From California: Vanity Fair

Tesco's response:

Mike Patton... excellent choice. Mike is one of the early ones... Even though Faith No More's debut came out in '89, Patton's work goes back to the early eighties. A friend of mine from SoCal was playing us the Bungle demo back in '85. We had no idea that he would be the one responsible for an entire genre of metal music. Nothing but respect for Mike Patton.

Mr. Nimbus says:

Mike Patton is the Man. I remember how pleasantly surprised I was when the first Mr. Bungle CD came out and it sounded nothing like FNM. He is one seriously warped individual, and I say that with much respect.

Courtney says:

Unfortunately, Patton never grabbed my attention, other than the video with the fish. However, I remember him being this manic, buff little man, with long hair and wild eyes. I can imagine he tore up a stage like no one's business.

Posted by me at 05:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

This is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to collect stories out of NO/Mississippi. Good stories. Stories of people helping each other, people reuniting with loved ones, companies opening their wallets wide, things like that. And pictures, too. Pictures of animals being rescued or families hugging. Feel good stuff. That's what I'm going to do.

If you want the rest of the news and the links to go with it and some tireless blogging work, try Brendan Loy.

If you want to help, leave relevant links in the comments.

Update: I have my first entry already:

Steve Toolel walks through the rubble of his home after rescueing his friend's dog, Hercules, in Biloxi, Misssissippi. (AFP/Robert Sullivan)

And another:

Getty Images

• Another rescued doggie
• And another rescued doggie
• A people rescue!
• Anheuser-Busch Increases Water Donations to 825,000 Cans to Aid Hurricane Katrina Victims
• Another rescue story
• Pelican rescue
• Good neighbors in Houston
• Ham radio operators helping to deliver messages
• Helicopter rescue

• This is great news: Matt found his mother in law!

• Firefighters from Sacremento heading to Louisiana
• Texas business donates $25,000
• CVS/pharmacy Launches Comprehensive Relief Effort
• DuPont donates one million dollars
• Phoenix firefighters volunteer
• Texas:

The Baytown Community Center, a shelter that is located at 2407 Market St., is the temporary home for 320 refugees. Houstonians dropped off much-needed supplies, such as food, blankets, clothing and other items, at the makeshift shelter.

• Local business owners installed 30 animal kennels at the shelter so evacuees' pets could remain with their owners. Wal-Mart is supplying the pet food.

• Thanks, so far, to Allah and Beth for the link collecting.

• Fishing crew rescued

• North Carolina: Thousands line up to donate items

• Museums, zoos, and sports arenas in Houston are offering free/reduced admission for anyone showing a LA, AL, or MS drivers license.

• Refugee dolphins

Rescued pup!

• Capital One pledges $1 million
• Culligan Donates Safe Drinking Water to Victims of Hurricane Katrina

• Surge in Red Cross donations!
• NBA players launch hurricane relief

• Karolyn Bell, her newborn baby cradled against gales and lashing rain, edged over a plank between two homes in a desperate bid to outrace hurricane floods fast swallowing New Orleans.
  
  Bell, 26, stitches fresh in her belly from a C-section delivery at noon on Thursday, relived her ordeal as she limped barefoot, babe in arms, across a bridge Tuesday out of New Orleans' deluged Ninth District, one of the city's poorest areas..

  Read the rest.

• "Can you pass me my cane?" Ronald Wood said as he steadied himself on the concrete barrier. "I'm kinda cold right now," he said as he climbed into a waiting ambulance. "I feel pretty sick."

• Wal-Mart donates $1 million
• Animal rescue groups join relief efforts

• PETCO raises money for furry victims

• Big Easy Bites Back:
  

  A sumptuous aroma of barbecued shrimp, the promise of warm beer and Hurricane cocktails drew disbelieving storm survivors to the only restaurant still open in the battered French Quarter of New Orleans.

• Canada sends conolences

• Offers of help at Craig's List

AP Photo

• Nurses held flashlights and ventilated patients by hand. Doctors wearing green scrubs used canoes to ferry supplies between the city's four downtown hospitals.

• Electric companies around the country send crews
• Food bank offers online food drive

Ok, I need to go to bed. Please leave any relevant links in the comments and I will start a new thread in the morning. It looks like the news is just going to get worse come morning, what with the levees not being contained, and I'd really like to continue to focus on the good. Rescues, relief efforts, anything like you see linked above - if you see a good story, share the link please.

Parts 2, 3 and 4 of this are here.

Posted by me at 05:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (42)

They have ordered the entire city of New Orleans to be evacuated.

I suppose there was no back up plan for the people in the Superdome?

Where do you put an entire population of a city? And how do you get them all out in time, before rising waters or collapsing buildings or disease take over?

Visit Val for a list of ways to make donations and I'll repeat these again:

Second Harvest
Feed the Children
Heart to Heart
Trained volunteers needed (this is a local story, but I'm sure if you call your local Red Cross, they will have info on volunteering)

Posted by me at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I need some distraction from the news and from the bizarre news day at work here today.

We played this game once before and it was a lot of fun.

Describe a plot to any movie in EXACTLY SEVEN WORDS.

No more, no less. Just seven words. Everyone can guess, no turns or anything like that. Anarchy is good in games like this.

Posted by me at 03:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (76)

New Orleans is all but destroyed.

I keep wanting to write about it.

But what can you say about that?

Relief aid:

Second Harvest
Feed the Children
Heart to Heart
Trained volunteers needed (this is a local story, but I'm sure if you call your local Red Cross, they will have info on volunteering)

Maybe I'll take up a collection here at work. You just feel like you should be doing something instead of sitting here gawking at pictures of people stuck on their roofs, waters rising, with nowhere to go, picture of people looting, reading stories about floating bodies and a man who had to let go of his wife in order to save his children....

Ugh. Just emailed from a friend:

They're reporting possibly "hundreds" of people killed in Biloxi, and one of their correspondents just had a nightmarish report of authorities in Hancock County, Mississippi, going house-to-house and spray-painting houses with different colors of paint depending upon whether the inhabitants are dead or not. Black if there are corpses inside, red if they're only injured. They can't get them out right now so this is the best they can do.

I am just going to cry. We had something terrible happen here at work today that has left me a bit drained and now, finally getting around to looking at all the news clips and reading the stories and going on Fark and seeing how many familiar TFers are still waiting to hear from family and friends, people who haven't heard from parents, and seeing captions on CNN like "survivors screaming for help" and - what can you do? What can you do besides sit here and, what? Wait for it all to come out ok? It's not going to, in fact, the news keeps getting worse, if anything. I heard someone jumped to his death from the upper seats in the Superdome, that it's hot as hell in there and the toilets aren't working but these people have nowhere to go, no homes to go to.

Anyhow, like I said. I don't know what to say, but I feel like I should say something. Anyone know how to go about setting up a drive for clothing, diapers, etc. and getting the stuff shipped down there, who to contact or anything?

Update: Val has some links and phone numbers and is offering t-shirts in exchange for your donations.

Posted by me at 01:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

First, here's kittykat:

click for bigger

Now, the names and corresponding pictures:

Coraline (Neil Gaiman book)
Mathilda, from the movie Leon)
Yoshi, of Mario World fame
Chewbacca/Chewie

You CAN fill in "other" and make a different suggestion. If I like it, I'll add it in. I already considered all the names in the thread from the other night.

[Poll is below the fold so as not to slow down the page]

Posted by me at 10:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Another day, another 100 words.

Boom Boom, Out go the Lights.

I really didn't think I'd be able to come up with anything for today's theme. But I did.

Hey, I didn't say anything decent.

Posted by me at 08:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sheila reminds me that The Breakfast Club is now 20 years old.

Let me just step back a moment and say, wow. Time flies when you're...aging.

It's been a while since a Listomatic, so here's my favorite quotes from Breakfast Club:

• Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
• Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
• If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy.
• Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
  
  Brian Johnson: Uh, no. Mr. Johnson.
• You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie.
• Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

The thing about Breakfast Club is, when you're talking about it with your friends, you talk about it like it's comedy, you remember all the funny parts. And then you watch it again and you realize it wasn't really much of a comedy. As far as John Hughes movies go, it's melodrama; it's his English Patient. It's a full length version of one episode of Degrassi High, drawn out to a predictable conclusion.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love Breakfast Club. I own it. I forced my children to watch it. But what seemed so clever and poignant and dramatic back in '85 just seems embarassingly hackeneyed now. Which is really par for the course, as everything I did in high school that I thought was 'cool' back then seems hackneyed now. High school isn't supposed to look good 20 years later so, in that sense, Breakfast Club has really held up well.

Cliques and detention and snarking at the principal never really go out of style, do they? Sure, Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald may have come and gone, but their awkward, bad guy/good girl romance will live forever in our hearts.

You're Allison Reynolds! "the basketcase"
quiet and shy, you stay in the shadows. That is
until you blurt out something random and Wierd.
You're artistic and misunderstood. If only
people would take the time to listen or notice
you...


Which Breakfast Club Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Here's a whole bunch of BC quizzes.

Posted by me at 01:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Not only is she a pig, but she's looking mighty fugly these days.

Posted by me at 10:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (27)

Something non-hurricane for you.

I loved this band with all my heart right up until about, oh, three weeks ago. Then something snapped. I think I just reached my saturation level. There's such a thing as overexposure, guys.

Anyhow, caption away, or just make fun of them for being middle aged guys in eyeliner.

Posted by me at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (41)

There are hundreds of people blogging the hurricane right now. I think I'm going to blog the coverage. The STUPID coverage.

We'll start with this:

And the accompanying quote:

"We need to recognize we may be about to experience our equivalent of the Asian tsunami, in terms of the damage and the numbers of people that can be killed," said Ivor van Heerden, director of the Louisiana State University Public Health Research Center in Baton Rouge.

I'm going to collect alarmist, overhyped, shock-value news items and quotes. Send them along.

I'm not saying this won't or can't be devasting to the city, but why, oh why, does there have to be this comparison? Was the tsunami their earthquake? Was the SF earthquake their great flood? Come on. Soon enough there will be catchy coverage names: Hurricane Hell! Storm of the Century!

It also occurs to me that the people in Asia had no warning. New Orleans had days to prepare. Or was that enough? NZ Bear blogs about negligent homicide.

And I just heard that the Superdome roof is 1/4 gone and the stadium is leaking?

Update: a quotable quote, from CNN (via Brendan Loy):

"Everyone is just kind of looking up in awe, that this is supposed to be the safest place in New Orleans, and now the Superdome is giving way to this Superstorm."

Citizen Journalist braves the elements!

Update: Please see the comments for more disturbing coverage. And welcome AOL readers! Welcome MSNBC readers, too. Hit the main page, there's more hurricane coverage and a cheesecake picture of Jessica Simpson, and a scary picture of grown men wearing eyeliner and fondling a statue!

Atlantis? Ya think? Will the future generations of this world be left wondering if New Orleans ever existed?

Update: Right now on CNN:

Life-threatening flooding next fear

So..New Orleans does NOT disappear, is NOT the next Atlatnis, the Superdome does NOT collapse upon 10,000 people, there are NOT thousands of deaths nor corpses floating by on streams of raw sewage, but hang on New Orleans, the media will get their catastrophe yet!

Posted by me at 09:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (56)

I'm a weather freak, one of those weird people who has the Weather Channel programed as a favorite. Snow, sleet, hail, rain, gusty wind, lightning - whatever the weather is where you are, I want to know about it. And the more dangerous the better; give me freak blizzards blanketing an entire region or thunderstorms so severe they call for hail the size of footballs.

This isn't because I like disasters, per se. I'm just a student of Mother Nature, always in awe of her incredible strength and powers. I'm fascinated by what makes a storm happen, how it travels, picks up steam and dies off. I'm mesmerized by shows of lightning and thunder, of twisters and ice storms and how all these things can convert a landscape instantaneously, whether by turning it into a white sheened wonderland or obliterating everything in its path.

Nature is something that can't be controlled and I suppose that is the main source of my wonderment. A juggernaut of bad weather headed your way is unstoppable. All you can do is hope you get the hell out of the way in time, or that you are prepared to withstand whatever it brings.

So of course I'm watching wall to wall Katrina coverage, monitoring the NHC page and checking the cams, none of which seem to be working right now.

There's something different about Katrina, though. I think it's the sense of impending doom that the media is blanketing their coverage with. The dire warnings about the city of New Orleans disappearing, the death tomb scenario of the Superdome becoming submerged, the somber details of how corpses will float up from their tombs and raw sewage will kill whoever was left standing by this hurricane. It's an apocalyptic scenario and if I'm sitting her frightened, I can't imagine what it's like for people with family in the area, let alone the people who live there.

So I'm watching the coverage now and I see that it's not going to be "as bad" as they first predicted (ohh, only a strong Category 4) and Shephard Smith is standing out on a balcony of a hotel on Bourbon Street and man, he does not look happy to be there.

So hopefully, the doomsday scenario of New Orleans being wiped off the map is just a reporter's wet dream right now. Still, it looks dangerous and scary out there and I do hope that somehow, Katrina leaves us with no more death than she has already caused.

I started writing this at 5:30 (with something else in mind completely) and I got sidetracked by obvious reports coming from my tv (It's raining. It's windy.) and morning news anchors chomping at the bit for a disasters (they could have six, ten, twelve, eleventybillion hours of hurricane weather! Any cars turned over, Jim? Can you show us some damage, please?). As much as I love weather and watching it's fury unfold, I have little tolerance for people sitting behind a desk looking obviously frustrated as they report on....nothing.

Let's cut to Andy again as he stands there in front of the swaying tree.
Andy, that tree still swaying?
Yes...I can't really hear you...
You hear that, folks? The wind is so bad Andy can't hear us...
No, no, my ear piece fell out..
Oh...Andy tell us, are you in fear for your life as this city is poised to be hit by nature's angry wrath any moment?
Actually, Dan, the storm has moved east, looks like the sun is coming out..
God damn it.
What?
I said God planned it. Yea, it's in God's plan that you are ok.
[off camera]Do we have any reporters in Podunk? I hear some lightning hit a barn there...

Anyhow, I was reading the blog of author Poppy Z. Brite, who lives in New Orleans and she notes that she left town.

Besides the two animals and a few clothes and toiletries, here is what I brought:

-- My computer.

-- My copy of A Confederacy of Dunces signed by Thelma Toole.

-- My copy of When the Saints Go Marching In signed by Buddy D.

It's at times like these that you find out what you really cherish, I guess.

So, question of the day time. You're evacuating your home town, knowing full well that the potential is there for your home to be gone by the time the storm is over. You can only take five things (I was going to say three, but I'll be generous) with you. What do you take?

Posted by me at 06:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)

Why R. Kelly is popular?

Who buys those Trapped in a Closet songs?

Why is he live on MTV lyp synching every part to Closet, part 4?

What kind of drugs to you have to be on or what kind of retarded do you have to be to enjoy this?

Why does this child molesting egomaniac have a career? And a lucrative one at that?

Who listens to the closet songs - and the Sex in the Kitchen song - with a straight face?

Please explain these things to me.

Because watching Mr. Kelly do his schtick just now, and watching half the audience go crazy for it, I just lost all hope for humanity.

Ok, you know what? The dude's just out of his freaking mind. That's all there is to it. He's freaking insane. There's really something wrong with his grey matter.

Posted by me at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

So I was just reading on a message board about a group of people in New Orleans who are planning on defying the mandatory evacuation to have a hurricane party, in which they drink beer, wait it and, presumably, die.

I'm sure the dying part isn't in their plans because, you know, twentysomething college kids are infuckingvincible, man.

What a bunch of idiots. Seriously. This is like seeing a live wire on the ground and saying "Duhhh, I wonder what will happen if I touch it?"

You lose. Gene pool gets a little cleaner. Adios, assholes.

[I do remember hearing a story about a hurricane party during Camille, in which all the partiers but one died]

I feel bad for the tourists who are straned in the city and can't get hotel rooms that are at least three floors high. Sure, you can cram everyone into the Superdome (when was the last time that place saw full capacity?) but they're calling for a 28 wall of water to come crashing down on the city. The Superdome is going to look like Atlantis, no?

Then there's people like this:

In the French Quarter, the revelers, street musicians, tarot card readers and fortune tellers carried on like it was any other Saturday.

``I'll be here tomorrow, I'm not leaving,'' said trombonist Eddie ``Doc'' Lewis. ``I've been through typhoons, monsoons, tornadoes, hurricanes and every other phoon, soon or storm. I'm not worried.''

Down the street, psychic Jackie Wilson waited for customers at a card table, advertising ``Free sample readings.''

``I'm not leaving, we live in a 100-year-old building a block away,'' she said. ``It's survived all that time. But I tell you, this is ground-X right here. This storm is heading right for us. Get ready.'

Ok, then. You're just stupid.

You want to know what a category five hurricane does?

[click for bigger]

Would YOU hang around for that? Hell, even if I were Jim Cantore and being paid the big bucks to stick around, I wouldn't.

Good luck to everyone in New Orleans. Get the hell out and stay safe.

WWL TV feed
NOLA cams
Brendan Loy is doing a lot of hurricane blogging

Read this article on the potential effect of a hurricane striking NO.

"A couple of days ago," explains Maestri, "We actually had an exercise where we brought a fictitious Category Five Hurricane into the metropolitan area." When the computer models showed Walter Maestri what would happen after a hurricane hit New Orleans, he wrote big letters on the map: "KYAGB—kiss your ass good bye." Photo: William Brangham/NOW with Bill Moyers

The map is covered with arrows and swirls in erasable marker. They show how the fictitious hurricane crossed Key West and then smacked into New Orleans.

When the computer models showed Maestri what would happen next, he wrote big letters on the map, all in capitals.

"KYAGB—kiss your ass good bye," reads Maestri.
"Because," says Maestri, "anyone who was here when that storm came across was gone—it was body-bag time. We think 40,000 people could lose their lives in the metropolitan area."

Here's hoping for the best for the residents of New Orleans. And here's hoping the hurricane partiers wise up before it's too late.

Update:

Holy shit.

That is one frightening image.

Update:

This post is still getting a lot of hits/comments. Please not this was written before the hurricane struck. Please go to the "main" link at the top of the page and scroll down for links to stories about good news coming out of the area and ways you can help.

Posted by me at 06:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (57)

I am such a sucker for music memes. So here's another.

Via Johnny Bacardi and Pop Culture Gadabout:
A.) Go to musicoutfitters.com
B.) Enter the year you graduated from high school in the search function and get the list of 100 most popular songs of that year
C.) Bold the songs you like, strike through the ones you hate and underline your favorite. Do nothing to the ones you don't remember (or don't care about).

1980:

1. Call Me, Blondie
2. Another Brick In The Wall, Pink Floyd
3. Magic, Olivia Newton-John
4. Rock With You, Michael Jackson
5. Do That To Me One More Time, Captain and Tennille
6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen
7. Coming Up, Paul McCartney
8. Funkytown, Lipps, Inc.
<9. It's Still Rock And Roll To Me, Billy Joel
10. The Rose, Bette Midler
11. Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Rupert Holmes
12. Cars, Gary Numan
13. Cruisin', Smokey Robinson
14. Working My Way Back To You/Forgive Me Girl, Spinners
15. Lost In Love, Air Supply
16. Little Jeannie, Elton John
17. Ride Like The Wind, Cristopher Cross
18. Upside Down, Diana Ross
19. Please Don't Go, K.C. and The Sunshine Band
20. Babe, Styx
21. With You I'm Born Again, Billy Preston and Syreeta
22. Shining Star, Manhattans
23. Still, Commodores
24. Yes, I'm Ready, Teri De Sario With K.C.
25. Sexy Eyes, Dr. Hook
26. Steal Away, Robbie Dupree
27. Biggest Part Of Me, Ambrosia
28. This Is It, Kenny Loggins
29. Cupid-I've Loved You For A Long Time, Spinners
30. Let's Get Serious, Jermaine Jackson
31. Don't Fall In Love With A Dreamer, Kenny Rogers and Kim Carnes
32. Sailing, Christopher Cross
33. Longer, Dan Fogelberg
34. Coward Of The County, Kenny Rogers
35. Ladies Night, Kool and The Gang
36. Take Your Time, S.O.S. Band
37. No More Tears (Enough Is Enough), Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer
38. Too Hot, Kool and The Gang
39. More Love, Kim Carnes
40. Pop Muzik, M
41. Brass In Pocket, Pretenders
42. Special Lady, Ray, Goodman and Brown
43. Send One Your Love, Stevie Wonder
44. The Second Time Around, Shalamar
45. We Don't Talk Anymore, Cliff Richard
47. Heartache Tonight , Eagles
48. Stomp, Brothers Johnson
49. Tired Of Toein' The Line, Rocky Burnette
50. Better Love Next Time, Dr. Hook
51. Him, Rupert Holmes
52. Against The Wind, Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band
53. On The Radio, Donna Summer
54. Emotional Rescue, Rolling Stones
55. Rise, Herb Alpert
56. All Out Of Love, Air Supply
57. Cool Change, Little River Band
58. You're Only Lonely, J.D. Souther
59. Desire, Andy Gibb
60. Let My Love Open The Door, Pete Townshend
61. Daydream Believer, Anne Murray
62. I Can't Tell You Why, Eagles
63. Don't Let Go, Isaac Hayes
64. Don't Do Me Like That, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers
65. She's Out Of My Life, Michael Jackson
66. Fame, Irene Cara
67. Fire Lake, Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band
68. How Do I Make You, Linda Ronstadt
69. Into The Night, Benny Mardones
70. Let Me Love You Tonight, Pure Prairie League
71. Misunderstanding, Genesis
72. An American Dream, Dirt Band
73. One Fine Day, Carole King
74. Dim All The Lights, Donna Summer
75. You May Be Right, Billy Joel
76. Hurt So Bad, Linda Ronstadt
77. Should've Never Let You Go, Neil Sedaka and Dara Sedaka
78. Pilot Of The Airwaves, Charlie Dore
79. Off The Wall, Michael Jackson
80. I Pledge My Love, Peaches and Herb
81. The Long Run, Eagles
82. Stand By Me, Mickey Gilley
83. Heartbreaker, Pat Benatar
84. Deja Vu, Dionne Warwick
85. Drivin' My Life Away, Eddie Rabbitt
86. Take The Long Way Home, Supertramp
87. Sara, Fleetwood Mac
88. Wait For Me, Daryl Hall and John Oates
89. Jo Jo, Boz Scaggs
90. September Morn, Neil Diamond
91. Give Me The Night, George Benson
92. Broken Hearted Me, Anne Murray
93. You Decorated My Life, Kenny Rogers
94. Tusk, Fleetwood Mac
95. I Wanna Be Your Lover, Prince
96. In America, Charlie Daniels Band
97. Breakdown Dead Ahead, Boz Scaggs
98. Ships, Barry Manilow
99. All Night Long, Joe Walsh
100. Refugee, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Wow, 1980 was a horrible year for popular music. Horrible. I know 99% of the songs on there, but most of them are left blank because...meh. They were songs I heard on the radio and dismissed as not good enough to like but not bad enough to hate. Honestly, I can sing almost every single song on that chart word for word. I'm not proud of it, but it's not my fault. These things just seep into your head through some sort of top 40 radio osmosis. And they stay there forever, embedded in your brain and mosly forgotten about until one day you wake up singing Coward of the County and you don't know why. It's just your brain fucking with you, is all.

So, yea, I like Air Supply. I think I've admitted to that enough times by now. And even though I was big into the "Disco Sucks" thing, that one Donna Summer song makes me want to dance, and who in their right mind can really resist Funkytown?

And Emotional Rescue? Easily the worst song the Rolling Stones EVER made.

My god, look at that list. Olivia Newton John. Captaine and Tenille. Keeny Rogers. Bob Seger. Neil Diamon. Mickey freaking Gilley. How white bread America (read: boring) were the charts back then? No wonder I holed myself up in my room with my ginormous headphones and my satanic metal and "dangerous" punk.

Here's what I was really listening to in 1980 (not an all inclusive list, just a list of songs that were played a lot that particular year)

• AC/DC - "You Shook Me All Night Long"
• Split Enz - "I Got You" (wrote about that one here)
• The Clash - "Brand New Cadillac" (need I get into the whole LONDON CALLING ROCKS thing again?)
• Talking Heads - "Once in a Lifetime"
• Pink Floyd - "Comfortably Numb" (yea, everyone was playing Run Like Hell or Brick in the Wall, but the stoners mellowed out Gilmour's solo)
• The Vapors - "Turning Japanese"
• The Jam - "That's Entertainment"
• The Pretenders = "Tattooed Love Boys"
• B-52's - "Dance This Mess Around"
• The Cure - "Boys Don't Cry"
• Boomtown Rats - "I Don't Like Mondays"
• Van Halen - "And the Cradle Will Rock"
• Ramones - "Rock 'n' Roll High School"
• Steve Forbert - Romeo's Tune" (long story)
• Utopia - "Set Me Free" (what an amazing albumP
• Rush - "Spirit of Radio"
• ZZ Top - "I'm Bad, I'm Nationwide" (which would have been my tagline had blogs existed in 1980)
• Peter Gabriel - Games Without Frontiers (from a truly amazing album I should write more about)
• U2 - "I Will Follow" (best debut album ever)
• Queen - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
• The Police = "Canary in a Coal Mine" (I just could not bring myself to sing that dodododadada song out loud. this one was far superior)
• Judas Priest - "Breaking the Law" (ok, show of hands: how many of you automatically do the Beavis and Butthead thing when you hear this song?)
• Black Sabbath - "Heaven and Hell" (Ronnie James Dio!)

Posted by me at 06:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (33)

Well, not George. Because it's a SHE.

And SHE is a wonderful, wanted birthday present from my sister, bro-in-law and nephew (who adopted this kitty's sister):

click all for bigger

That's right - I am officially a CAT BLOGGER!! (And I almost titled this post "some pussy for my birthday").

So this cat needs a name. This isn't a contest or anything, I'm just looking for suggestions because I SUCK when it comes to naming live objects. My kids are lucky they aren't called Girl and Boy.

My first idea was to name it Alano. So I can say, "This is my cat...Alano." Get it? My last name is Catalano and....yea, anyhow.

Next idea was Leeloo (as in Fifth Element). But I don't want to spend my days explaining to people that we don't mean Lilo from Lilo and Stitch.

Also considered: Zelda, Lenore and Mathilda.

Natalie wanted to name it Dog. No.

Suggestion box is officially open.

Posted by me at 08:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (83)

Just because I like it.

Out the rest of the day. Enjoy yours.

Posted by me at 01:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

You've got your left leaning wingnuts and your right leaning wingnuts. You've got the Aryan nation, Al Sharpton, protest warriors, anti-protesters, prayer vigils, sing-a-longs, flag-sellers, preachers, anti-Semites, jingoists, moonbats, conspiracy theorists, gawkers, media and triple digit temperatures.

I smell impending disaster.

Or at least something worth grabbing a bucket of popcorn and turning on CNN for.

Posted by me at 09:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Took 214 pictures at the aquarium today. I posted about 1/4 of them on flckr. I'm really happy with most of them. It would awful sweet of ya to check them out. If, you know, you're into that sort of thing.

Full aquarium set here. You can view them as a slideshow, though I do recommend viewing each at full size. Especially the sharks.

[cue jaws music]

Posted by me at 07:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm not one to shy away from an opportunity to post a repeat, especially when I'm going to be gone most of the day.

And seeing as that no less than eight people have emailed the link about Slash and Duff suing Axl, I figured I'd throw this one up on the front burner again, just because I love to read the emails from the raging Axl fans who think I should be shot, hung and drowned.

-----

[I chopped off the first part of the post for various reasons; all quoted parts are from this NYT article on Axl and the making of Chinese Democracy]

My history with Axl and company is a long and complicated one. I imagine that most metal fans who hooked on to the early GnR bandwagon followed the same path I did. Think of the seven stages of grief in reverse. From acceptance (Appetite for Destruction = welcome to my record collection!) to denial (I swear to you I never owned The Spaghetti Incident), we watched - and in some ways participated in - the slow death of a once great band. But it wasn't their years of putting out head banging, fist pumping music that was the greatest show. No, it was watching Axl Rose trying in vain to raise the Phoenix from the ashes that offered the most jaw dropping, car-wreck kind of entertainment this side of the November Rain video.

Real music fans don't just buy an album, get their groove on and put the album away until later. We invest a part of ourselves in each record we buy. And, by extension, we invest a piece of ourselves in the bands we love. We form a relationship, so to speak, with the band as a whole. And it's a tenuous sort of relationship, because the only thing that ties us together is the actual music. A new album comes out, you listen for the first time and each perfectly crafted song is tantamount to being embraced by a passionate lover. Every lyric that resonates, beat that you feel in your bones, hook that captures your soul - it's like making love to the music and those who made the music (metaphorically speaking, of course). The better the anticipated album or single, the more intense the action is. So each new album we wait for is like the promise of hot, dirty sex after your partner has been away for a while. And in that essence, Chinese Democracy has been a years long cock tease.

My real lust for the band kind of faded right around Civil War. It was then I realized that GnR was the equivalent of the girl who teases you with her perky breasts for years and when you finally manage to get under the hood, you grab hold of three inches of padded bra. All that music before Use Your Illusion II was just a ruse to get us to this point. They gave us the good stuff first so they could later on sit back and make this pretentious, melodramatic drivel that they called art. There was nothing left to them. Empty D cups.

I never held a grudge against the rest of the band like I do Axl. He was - and is - a self indulgent monster whose posturing bravado could never hide the fact that he was really nothing more than a wimp, a nancy boy, a withered soul of a human being who couldn't handle criticism or competition. Yet somehow, he managed to convince himself that he was the king of the mountain and deserved every indulgence he demanded - something the attempted creation of Chinese Democracy has made all so evident, especially since he surrounded himself with people just like himself.

He accompanied Buckethead on a jaunt to Disneyland when the guitarist was drifting toward quitting, several people involved recalled; then Buckethead announced he would be more comfortable working inside a chicken coop, so one was built for him in the studio, from wood planks and chicken wire.

Out of the entire five page NYT article, that excerpt alone is what symbolizes both Axl Rose and the whole warped evolution of Guns N Roses. Ridiculous excess, indulgence, pretentiousness and the penchant for extending the idea of making an album to such ridiculous heights that, somehow, building a chicken coop for Buckethead seemed like a good way for Geffen to spend their money.

[Axl] has racked up more than $13 million in production costs, according to Geffen documents, ranking his unfinished masterpiece as probably the most expensive recording never released.

13 million dollars to make an album that a) will probably never see the light of day and b) even if it did, would never recoup the costs to the label or even be worth listening to at this point. Who wants to hear what a lover has to say after they've kicked you in the back time and time again? At some point, you walk. You don't look back. After all the teasing - the MTV awards, the New Year's Eve show, the inlkings of what the record would sound like, the addition of people like Robin Finck to the band - to still be standing here waiting for some GnR loving is to victimize yourself.

Mr. Rose is reportedly working on the album even now in a San Fernando Valley studio. "The 'Chinese Democracy' album is very close to being completed," Merck Mercuriadis, the chief executive officer of Sanctuary Group, which manages Mr. Rose, wrote in a recent statement.

Mr. Mercuriadis was not very happy with the NYT article and wrote a letter to the editor, in which he called the author of the piece, Jeff Leeds, "the return of Jayson Blair under a pseudonym."

Axl Rose is not interested in fame, money, popularity or what the New York Times or any other paper for that matter might think of him. His only interest is making the best album he is capable of so that it can have a positive affect in 2005 on people who are enthusiasts of music and interested in Guns N' Roses. His artistic integrity is such that he has chosen to do so without compromise at great personal sacrifice which makes him a soft target for the sort of rubbish you have chosen to print. I believe he will have the last laugh.

One has to wonder if Mr. Mercuriadis really believes what he wrote. Or perhaps he is just a victim of Axl's cult of personality. Maybe Mercuriadis and Axl both really believe that Chinese Democracy will be released some day. Maybe they both believe it won't raise the bar on suckitude. And maybe they believe that whatever ragtag band Axl ends up with deserves to be called Guns N Roses. But the phrases "artistic integrity" and "great personal sacrfice" don't really come to mind when I think of Axl Rose. Is it that "artistic integrity" that's causing his old bandmates to sue him?

I prefer to remember Axl the way I first loved him; all swaying hips and high decibel screaming, causing riots, forgetting to show up for concerts, making an ass of himself in ways that are forgivable in rock and roll. The whole Chinese Democracy saga? As unforgivable as The Spaghetti Incident.

Posted by me at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

See contest here.

Sadly, they did not win Pamela, nor even a reasonable fascimile of her. But they did win a copy of her Pulitizer nominated daring work of fiction, Star Struck.

The first winner is JohnO, for:

I removed the clamps hours ago. Yet there they are, throbbing like a jazz-funk bass at an Earth, Wind & Fire concert. I only have 30 minutes before my speech on nanotechnology at M.I.T., so I better find a way to relieve the pain. Let's see...Tylenol, toothpaste, Band-Aids. Hemmoroid cream??!! Crazy, but maybe just crazy enough to work.

The second winner is Farmer Joe with:

Why do my nipples hurt? Well, they say that when your palm itches it means that you're going to come into some money. So in this case, well, let's just say I'm wearing new underwear. Just in case.

Congrats, guys. Please send me your mailing addresses and I'll get your prizes out Monday morning. Saturday, if you're lucky. I know you can't wait.

We're off to the aquarium for the day. Back this evening with 7,000 pictures of marine life.

Thanks to the judges: Solonor, Allah, Seki, Bonnie, Lisa and Jo-Anne.

Posted by me at 08:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

[click for bigger]

I don't know what's more absurd; douching with Lysol or the idea that the husband (obviously on the other side of the "ignorant" door) is acting like the wife has a bad case of cooties. Or that the woman is somehow IGNORANT because she's not so fresh. Or the use of the phrase "dainty feminine allure." Or the whole rest of the text.

And it's not a Photoshop. See here for historical background:

The Girl He Married.
Why does she spend her evenings alone?
Ohh Domestic Crisis!
A web of indifference

So remember ladies: if you are not getting any from your man, it's probably because you smell. Disinfect that cooter with Lysol today! Now in lemon fresh scent! And for those times when there's just no chance for a luxorious Lysol douche, there's wipes

[first ad via MeFi]

Posted by me at 07:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

I know how riveted you are with the details of my birthday.

Here's tonight's loot:

And this was an anniversary present from mom and dad.

Rock. It has tea pods, too. And an niced tea spout. And coffee called buzzworthy.

It's been a great day.

Thanks to everyone who left birthday wishes and/or sent postcards. Y'all rock.

Posted by me at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Came home to find this cake cooling on the stove:

It's clearly Jabba the Cake. I'm going to sell this to Golden Palace.

I also came home to a box containing:

Yes, those are Godiva. No, you can't have one.

I'd like to thank my good friend and true deity for this wonderful birthday present.

I also came home to a very clean house.

It's been a good day so far, and I didn't even get the presents from my family yet.

Update: I just bit into one of the Godiva truffles.

I may have just had an orgasm in my mouth.

Posted by me at 04:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

Trying to put together a story fortoday's theme at 100 Words I was reminded of all the overheard conversations I posted here. So, being the courteous, giving and out-of-fresh-blogging-ideas person I am, I decided to gather them all right here for your convenience.

• At a PTA Conference

lady1: man, that really gets my goat.
lady 2: you don't have a goat
lady 1: what?
lady 2: you said it gets your goat. you don't have one. and even if you did, why would anyone want it?
lady 1: christ, it's a figure of speech
lady 2: yea i know. But..goats. you know?
long pause
lady 1: man, that really gets my tits

• Also at a conference:

woman 1: this coffee is giving me a stomach ache
woman 2: go poop. you'll feel better
woman 1: yea. I'm gonna go drop some bombs on Afganhistan. Be back in a few.

• In 7-11, by the coffee machine

Girl: What are we going to do tonight?
Guy: (shrugs) we could fuck for three hours or so...
Girl: Uh..I have my period.
Guy: (leeringly) not in your mouth, you don't.
(Girl slaps guy in the head)

• Supermarket:

Woman 1: Mmmm... I love cheese danish. Let's get those.
Woman 2: Ick..no. My mom bought them once and they tasted like cum.

• My daughter's basketball game:

Natalie (to teammate): What's your problem? You've been squirming around all night!
Girl: I...I have gas. It hurts.
Natalie. So? Fart!
Girl: I can't fart!! That's just so rude.
Natalie: You want to hear my fart motto?
Girl: I guess.
Natalie: Go with the flow, with the gas in your ass!
Girl (giggling): Go with the flow, with the gas in your ass!
Natalie: Yea, go for it!
Girl: (insert long, low fart sound here)
Natalie: See? You look better already.
Girl: I never knew a fart could be so good.
Natalie: Or smell so bad!

• In Staples:

Woman 1: Remember when we were little, and we used to pee behind your pool?
Woman 2: Yea, we peed right in our bathing suits!
Woman 1: And the pee would drip down our legs.
Woman 2: And then we would jump right back in the pool. How gross!
Woman 1: Yea, but the spots on your legs that had pee on them would feel all warm when you hit the cold water.
Woman 2: And then your brother caught us that day and told us that chlorine and pee mixed together would make your legs grow hair on them.
Woman 1: Dick.
(pause in the conversation)
Woman 1: Don't you wish you could just pee in your pants any time you wanted?
Woman 2: That's what Depends are for.

• Reception desk, doctor's office:

Receptionist: "Mr. Green! How have you been?"
Mr. Green (who is about 60 years old and is wearing a layer of gold chains over to go with his wide collar leisure suit): Great! I've got a twenty year old girlfriend and she's still a virgin!"
Receptionist: "Um...that's nice, Mr. Green."
Mr. Green: "Hey, I'm just kidding sweetie. You know I only date whores!"

• Doctor's waiting room, same day as above:

Guy 1 (about 35-40 years old, has that freshly hungover look): "Hey, dude! I haven't seen you in months!
Guy 2: Oh..hey. How you been?
Guy 1: Not bad. Still not working, just drinking and shit.
Guy 2: You still fucking Samantha?
Guy 1: Nah, Samantha is fucking girls now.
Guy 2: Oh, I hear ya on that.
Guy 2: Oh, look there's that sniper thing (looks up at CNN on waiting room television). You know, I thought of you when that shit first happened.
Guy 1: Heh, you thought it was me?
Guy 2: Well, it wouldn't have been the first time you went around shooting people.

• Supermarket:

woman: What should I make for dinner tonight?
man: Big fat titties!
woman: Excuse me?
man: Big fat titties rubbed in garlic and oil!
woman: (rolling eyes) We had chicken breast on Wednesday.

2 college age workers stacking shelves at Walgreens:

Guy: Hey, that guy was staring at your tits!
Girl: Nah, I don't think so. I've seen him in here before and I think he's gay.
Guy: Honey, even gay guys like tits.
Girl: No they don't!
Guy: Trust me on this one, ok?
Girl stares at guy for a few seconds. Guy blushes.
Girl: OH.MY.GOD! You're GAY! You are, aren't you?
Guy: I've been working here two weeks and you're just figuring that out?
Girl: Well, I...I...
Guy: As if my obsession with Elijah Wood didn't give it away?
Girl: OH.MY.GOD.
Guy: You're horrified, aren't you?
Girl: Dude, I am SO going to fix you up with my brother. You're coming over my house tonight.
Guy: OH, does he look like Elijah??

• Parking lot at work:

Woman 1: You better go read your bible, you fucking whore!
Woman 2: I read the bible and you need to ask for forgiveness you dumb bitch!

Posted by me at 02:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Could it finally be happening? A movie that will really be scary and creepy and not just a series of fake scares and cliched killings? A movie that will leave me sleepless and needing a nightlight? A movie that I'll be watching through fingers spread over my eyes?

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

I think this is it. Finally.

Posted by me at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (21)

And you thought that mannequin was creepy.

Posted by me at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Side note: The winners of the Pamela Anderson book contest will be announced tomorrow morning. Just waiting on one more judge's votes.

Perhaps you have seen this guy floating around the internet the past few days:

Every picture tells a story, right?

This is the story of Jack.

Come on, you've got 100 words in you. Share yours.

Posted by me at 06:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

So a zillion people have sent me links to the story about Ozzfest fans booing Maiden and throwing eggs at them.

I'll just say this about that: Sharon Osbourne is a fucking cunt. I'm sorry, there is no other word for her. She orchestrated the entire thing and anyone who has ever dealt with her, worked in the music business or even knows someone in the rock music business will most likely tell you that yes, she is a whorebeastbitch and she absolutely is not above sabotaging other bands.

And eggs? Fucking EGGS? Who the hell brings eggs to Ozzfest? No one, that's who. They were SUPPLIED.

Go read this account of how she (and/or people at her behest) basically terrorized and ambushed Maiden. Really, read the whole thing. It's amazing.

Bitch.

Nobody fucks with the Maiden.

just had to get that out of my system. been stewing about it since yesterday

Aces high!

Posted by me at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (15)

Judging from my search result and Techonorati, severyone in the blogosphere is talking about the book "Help, There Are Liberals Under My Bed."

I reviewed it TWO MONTHS AGO, people. Get with the program.

Also, it is NOT A PARODY. Not at all.

Sad to say.

Posted by me at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Anyone download it?

It's the only IM client I can connect to at work.

I'm signed in at michele.catalano

a/s/l?

Posted by me at 09:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (18)

Last week I mentioned that I joined a consortium of music bloggers who will blog each Wednesday about music gods- We're calling it Musical Chairs. How it works is, we all pick a music god to write about and then the others can add their own thoughts to yours.

The musical chair particpants for this week (and their subjects) are:

Andrew (Steve Jones of Sex Pistols fame): Post here
Tesco (Tim Alexander of Primus): Post here
Courtney (Richard Thompson): Post here
Mr. Nimbus (George Martin): Post here

Stay tuned for permalinks for when they get their posts up; I think I'm the early riser among the group.

My subject: The one, the only EDDIE VAN HALEN.

It seems like every time I talk about Eddie Van Halen, someone has to bring up Yngwie Malmsteen. Let's get this out of the way: Yes, I know that Malmsteen did this whole show-offy thing where he played "Eruption" blindfolded, using just his two front teeth, while juggling chainsaws with one hand and wacking off to pictures of himself with the other. Or something like that. I just want to head off any ensuing discussion that will involve Mr. Malmsteen, and let you know that all mentions of him will be ignored. Let's talk about Eddie.

Eddie is a rock LEGEND

As written by Nerf Herder:

I bought Van Halen I
It was the best damn record I ever owned
TG&Y 1978
Two hand tapping guitar technique really got me off
Eruption yeah, ain't talkin' 'bout love, I'm on fire

He certainly didn't invent the two hand tapping technique, but he brought it to the forefront of rock and roll. He took that technique, toyed with it, made modifications and adjustments and variations, and turned it into his, and the band's, trademark sound. What you hear when you listen to the-guitar-solo-as-song Eruption> is a meaty, full, percussive wall of sound that you feel in your gut and heart as well as your ears.

When you put on a Van Halen song (and we're talking David Lee Roth era Van Halen here; once Eddie got it in his head that he should be playing keyboards over Sammy Hagar's schmaltzy, orchestrated, pop music love ballad crooning, Van Halen lost the plot. They do not exist outside the realm of David Lee Roth for me and, as such, when I say "Van Halen song" it applies only to those albums) everyone knows it's Van Halen. It's not Dave's voice, not Alex's drumming, not whatever the other guy in the band did. It's the guitar. It's the sound of Eddie Van Halen rocking with his cock out, Eddie manipulating that guitar like nobody's business, Eddie making your heart pound and your fist pump in the air, Eddie making you whip out your air guitar and wail away, just go crazy right there in your living room until you realize your entire family is standing there, staring at you, but then you put on Runnin' With the Devil and they all join in.

Eddie made it all look easy, too. When he played, it was like second nature to him, like it's what his hands were born to do; an effortless, smooth, precision like banging out of notes and rhythms that came across not just as screechy guitar solos, but as music - real, tu