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[Yahoo Photo: Cheney at Yanks/Sox game]
It's Game Day. Which means it's time to work the voodoo that I do on days such as this.
This is my Red Sox Buddy. I take him with me wherever I go on days that the Yanks are playing the Sox. I actually have many copies of him, as we often like to set him on fire.
Tonight, as a special treat, we are going to barbecue. Not the doll, silly. Just regular hamburgers. But we are going to make Boston baked beans. And then we will light our farts on fire and use that fire to enflame our Red Sox Buddy.
Maybe later I'll let you catch a glimpse of my Headless Ted doll.
If I don't feel the good voodoo vibes coming on strong before game time, I'll have to whip out the cleavage hex.
Game Time: 7:05 p.m. EST. I'll be in my backyard using nature's flamethrower to light the passion of the Sox/Yankee rivalry. You're welcome to join us. Just bring a can of Glade air freshener.
You think I'm kidding, don't you?
| michael moore is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested. |
| N POISON |
That 8% looms large.
If the Bush campaign plans on winning this thing, they better start concentrating on those undecided voters. Right now, the Bush ads sing to the choir. They are talking to people who already understand, follow and probably donate to the Bush campaign.
The 8% of available voters out there are somewhat different than undecided voters in other elections. The 2004 election seems larger than life simply because we are at war. We are at war in Iraq and we are fighting the war against terrorism. These are the issues that are being addressed every day, in every newspaper, on every talk radio station, on every news channel. We are bombarded with images, sound bites and story upon story and we get it from all sides; war, anti-war, conservative, liberal and everything in between.
So who are these undecided voters and why haven't they decided yet, given all the information available to them?
They are, of course, the fence sitters and there two different kinds of people that sit on that fence.
The first kind - we'll call him Type A- could be swayed to jump off the fence with just a slight push. Even a small breeze could tilt them off to one side. This person is easily swayed by imagery and sound bites; they need no facts, they don't do any research on their own. Words and pictures are presented to them and they take them as fact because they are too lazy or unknowledgeable or gullible to do the work on their own. They want someone to make all their choices for them, so they just sit on the fence and wait to be told what to do. You know this type. They believe all the chain mail they receive. They are often talked into buying things they don't need.
These are the people that F911 will sucker in. They will be dragged to the movie by well meaning friends and relatives and they will gasp in all the right parts and come out of the theater believing that George Bush is the devil and Michael Moore is a god, and they most likely will take that to the voting booth with them in November.
Notice something missing there? Why, it's John Kerry! Here, we have a voter who is being swayed against a candidate rather than towards a candidate. This voter, who just minutes ago was sitting on that fence, is now standing on the ground where he believes the grass is greener, even though that grass is maybe just painted green. Ask this voter why the other side of the fence is so bad and he'll reiterate everything he just saw and heard. Ask him why the grass is so green on his side and he will only be able to say because it's not the other side.
The problem with the Type A fence sitter is that she is fickle. Anything can change her mind. Perhaps one week after seeing F911, she goes out to lunch with a friend who is a staunch Republican. By dessert, the friend has convinced her that Bush is a god and Michael Moore is the devil. Now, she wants to hop onto the other side, because she's sure the grass is just a shade greener over there.
And so it will go with Type A until the election. Who gets her vote depends on who she last spoke to before she headed into the booth. It makes no sense to go after their vote. You will never be assured of it, anyhow.
The people the Bush campaign should be going after is the Type B fence sitter. This guy needs to be pushed or dragged off the fence. He wants fact and figures, not flashy films or staged press conferences. He gets his news from fifteen different sources. He reads, he digests, he thinks. And right now, he hates both sides.
He thinks Bush isn't great with the economy and Kerry isn't great with security. He knows he has to make a decision and it's not going to be Nader. He's not going to be swayed by a negative campaign ad because he already knows
what he doesn't like about each candidate. And he's going to wait as long as possible to make his decision.
This is the guy Bush needs to talk to. This is who the Bush ads should speak to. Not the fence sitter who changes his mind every ten seconds, depending on who he's having lunch with. Not the fence sitter who can be pushed over the wall by a small touch. He doesn't need to speak to Humpty Dumpty.
No, he needs to speak to the guy whose butt is so firmly placed on that wall that it may as well be glued down. The Bush campaign staff needs to find a way to dissolve that glue and get him over the fence.
The thing is, this guy is not going to listen if this is what you're saying. And he's certainly not going to be swayed by this:

The ringleader is my father. My sister says I should title this movie Dad and His Mental Equals.
Two games today. Bring it, beeyotches.
Just a standard reminder to those who think their puny rebel alliance can do any harm to us.
We are the dark empire. We will crush you.
On Thursday, the campaign launched a web video titled Kerry's Coalition of the Wild-eyed. The video featured Democrats who support John Kerry making negative and baseless attacks against the President. Interspersed in the video were segments of two ads that appeared on a website sponsored by MoveOn.org - a group campaigning for Kerry - in January. On Friday night, John Kerry's campaign denounced our use of these ads, and called that use "disgusting." The Kerry campaign says, "The use of Adolf Hitler by any campaign, politician or party is simply wrong."This can't be right. It's almost funny, it's so disturbing. The Bush people use images of liberals basically associated with the Kerry campaign comparing Bush to Hitler, and Kerry goes off on them for using Hitler images. Does anyone see the dishonesty here? Oh, it gets better. I see now that the Kerry campaign took this to their people in an email, as reported at Oxblog. bq. Yesterday, the Bush-Cheney campaign, losing any last sense of decency, placed a disgusting ad called "The Faces of John Kerry's Democratic Party" as the main feature on its website. Bizarrely, and without explanation, the ad places Adolf Hitler among those faces.
Update: My pet link of the day: Give to the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, via Bill.
I'm not buying it. Looks to me like he was trying to do the YMCA, not plant a flag. I mean, he might have served, I'm not doubting that. But in what capacity? Entertainment director? And just how old is that deranged bobblehead, anyhow?
Update: Those are not the Devil Rays! It's Farenheit 1918!
Thus begins quite a week for Yankee fans. Subway Series this weekend and the Red Sox during the week. Will the House that Ruth Built still be left standing at the end of these two series?
I’ve explained the difference between the Yankee/Met rivalry and the Yankee/Boston rivalry before. Or at least my take on it. I hate the Mets with a broad, sweeping hatred that knows no depth nor width. It is endless, black and unforgiving. I hate the Red Sox with a vague sense of loyalty to my team and a certain yawning complacency that comes with having the upper hand in a rivalry for so long.
I do prefer to rumble with Sox fans rather than their Met counterparts. Met fans are like little children. They stick their fingers in their ears when you confront them and they can often be seem having ugly tantrums. They are also less likely to give an inch when discussing baseball. Boston fans will grudgingly admit to the greatness of one Yankee or another. Met fans will chant Jeter Sucks for as long and hard as New York Ranger fans yell chants about retired-ages-ago Denis Potvin. Two peas in a pod, those Met and Ranger fans. Sucks is about as good as their insults get.
Sox fans are good to argue with. They come right at you, they are relentless. And they know how to throw down. I always enjoy a good spar with a Boston fan. A spar with a Met fan just leaves me feeling like I kicked an infant.
So here I begin my ten days (The Yanks head to Shea the weekend after this to finish off the Subway series) of antagonizing Met and Red Sox fans. Sure, the results of either series may cause be a bit of regret in being so obnoxious, but I’m a firm believer in having fun while you can. And this is fun.