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February 29, 2004

jeepers creepers

Renée Zellweger has no eyes.

No wonder I don't know any of those movies

Oh, the hell with these stuffy awards. Following are the best films I saw in 2003: The Return of the King Kill Bill Volume 1 Finding Nemo Big Fish School of Rock Pirates of the Caribbean Lost in LaMancha Cowboy BeBop Holes Bad Santa I guess I need to get out more. Is there anyone out there tonight or are you all having Oscar parties and ignoring the hard work that some people in the blog world are putting out just to entertain people who aren't even at their computers?

Oh boy. It's Oscar Night. Yay.

Eh, I'm not really that excited. I think the only nominated movies I saw were RotK and Pirates. Plus, I hate award shows, especially the Oscars. Four hours of ego stroking and cleavage. I can get that at home. And the stroking is better. Well, I'm not going to let a little thing like lack of subject knowledge stop me from making predictions. I'm just going to make my forecast based on what movies I did see this year, and whatever random emotion strikes me at the time. Best picture: Let's see, we've got Seabsicuit and Mystic River - two movies with titles that make you think of water - and Master and Commander, which takes place on the water. And then there's Lost in Translation, which, according to several top-notch reviewers of artsy movies in my family, was all wet. Which leaves us with - • "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" Which was the best damn movie I saw this year, anyhow. Or any year. Best Actor: Ok. We've got Jude Law, Sean Penn, Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley and Johnny Depp. Which of these things is not like the other? Johnny Depp, of course. He's the only one with more than one syllable in his first name. Besides, he totally rocked in Pirates. • Johnny Depp, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" Best Actress: Not only did I not see any of the movies these gals are nominated for, I never heard of three of the nominated actresses. So I did what anyone would do in these circumstances. I Googled their pictures and chose the girl with the nicest rack: • Charlize Theron, "Monster" Supporting actor: This one was easy. I've got the hots for Benico. • Benicio Del Toro, "21 Grams" Supporting actress: Ok, this is getting boring. And I really don't want to see one more shot of Renee Z. with her half-closed eyelids. I mean, does the chick ever open her eyes all the way? Let's fast forward. Director: If Sofia Coppola wins instead of Peter Jackson, I swear to all that is sacred in this world that I personally hunt down every single Academy voter and...do something drastic. Stick a firecracker down their pants or something. You listening, Roger? • Peter Jackson, "The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" What can I say? Most of the movies I saw in 2003 were not of the Oscar variety. When they have an all-inclusive awards show that features categories like Best Horror Movie and Best Decapitation, I'll pay more attention. Until then, I'm going to go haunt Oliver's Oscar forum. I'm also going to play Emily's Oscar Drinking Game because, why just let the bottle of tequila sit there gathering dust? Jay is live blogging the show.

red spades/black hearts

It's a forum! It's an artist hangout! It's Pee-Wee's Playhouse! It's the banner with no words! rsbh.jpg I've been too lazy to start my own forum like I've been promising, but you can always go play with my husband.

the real meaning of leap day

[This one is for my neighbors. And probably yours as well.] Hey guys? It's Leap Day. The gods of time and space have given you a surplus 24 hours in which to do something special. It's no coincidence that this day comes in February and not, say, August. The ancient gods knew what they were doing and you would be wise to use the extra day in the way which was orginally intended (just trust me on that, ok?): Go outside and take down your Christmas decorations. Thank you.

to make a long story short

Yea, it says Summarize a Novel in 25 Words, but most of the people on the thread did 25 words or less, so majority rules and all that. * A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers: My parents die, I raise my little brother and then get lost in my own narrative. * The Stand by Stephen King: One guy sneeze and civilization falls apart. * Go Ask Alice by Anonymous Reefer Madness for flower children. Dude, that part with the worms freaked me out. * The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton A bunch of juvenile delinquents give each other stupid nicknames and then some of them die. That's all I got for so early on a Sunday morning. via mefi Dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig. Run.

February 28, 2004

school daze

Because we are moving (to the next town over), my kids will be switching school districts come September. I was originally worried about this, as Nat will be attending the now infamous Mepham High School. Much like voting for a president, sometimes one has to decide which issues are the most important. Besides the logistics - not to mention the illegality - of keeping Nat in our school district, there's the matter of academics. It looks like we're getting the better end of the bargain in that area by sending her to Mepham (compare Mepham with EMHS). The deal with DJ is even better. Instead of going to middle school in September, like he would with our current district, he'll get another year of elementary school, which I think he could use. I've always been against sixth grade being part of middle school, anyhow. He gets to go to a school that parents rave about, he already knows a few kids there and - the best part - it's across the street from the new house. The only downside I can find is that the name of the school is Dinkelmeyer, which elicits giggles from the kids every time I say it. So, yea. I'm sure you were all very interested in this, but posting it here makes it easier when friends and relatives ask me why I'm doing a 180 on the school district thing. Copy, paste, email.

A simpons blogosphere challenge

Doh! I moved the quiz over to my other page. Where quizzes and the like are supposed to go. psssst...there's nothing here. go back

February 27, 2004

Number One in the Hood, G

I just bought myself a present. athfplush.jpg They're plush. I can snuggle with them. But I won't. I plan on being really nice to Meatwad and Frylock, but I'm going to beat the shit out of Master Shake. He's a bastard. It will feel good to literally knock the stuffing out of him for every time that he hurt poor Meatwad. Hey, I got something for you. Schoolly D - Aqua Teen Hunger Force Theme (mp3) Lyrics below. Raise your hands in the air like you just don't care. Yo. Shake-zula, the mic rulah, the old schoolah you wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya. Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop Meatwad you're up next with your knock-knock.... Meatwad make the money see, Meatwad get the honeys G Drivin in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus. Cause we are the Aqua Teens. Make the homeys say ho and the girlies wanna scream. Cause we are the Aqua Teens. Make the homeys say ho and the girlies wanna scream. Aqua Teen Hunger Force number one in the hood, G

and now for something completely different

Look ma, no controversy! I'm really working hard on this disco themed post I'm writing. So don't forget to help me. I'm also writing something lengthy about Jesus, but I don't think you can help me with this one. Unless you can raise Pilate from the dead so he can answer a few questions for me. Hey, get Herod over here while you're at it. Speaking of Jesus. Man, that was frightening. Someone should animate that with Flash and set it to music. I bet Quiznos would buy it and name a sandwich after it. We like the Dean... We like the Christ... Mel Gibson is teh suck.

lights out, guerilla radio

And the Super Bowl fallout continues.
U.S. regulators should consider whether radio and television services carried by cable and satellite must adhere to indecency standards, Federal Communications Commissioner Kevin Martin said on Wednesday.
No. No they shouldn't. I pay a ridiculous amount of money every month so I can get all the smut, cursing, violence and vulgar entertainment I want. I choose those station. They don't magically appear on my television unless I specifically call my cable company and say "Give me my Cinemax!" I control my own airwaves, because I pay for that right. I certainly don't think it would be fair for me to fork over $88 every month just so I can have my movie choices hindered by someone else's idea of indecency. This is about choice and freedom. No one is making you subscribe to the Playboy Channel. Even with basic cable, you get a remote that allows you to block certain channels. If you have a television in your kids' rooms, block the channels you find offensive. If you don't trust that the magic buttons on the remote will keep your kids from watching some ultra violent movie, then don't allow cable into your home in the first place. It's a choice. You choose to bring those movies and programs into your home. While I do believe that cable companies should offer more freedom with their packages, i.e., the ability to pick and choose your channels rather than subscribe to a pre-made package - my Spidey-sense is still tingling about this. Where does it stop? When does the FCC come to the realization that I do not need them to babysit me? Neither cable tv nor satellite radio are given away are accesible for free to anyone who wants them. When you sign up for either, you sign up for a certain amount of entertainment that you may find offensive. Don't like it? Don't subscribe. But don't go around making rules and regulations as if you know what's good for me. If I thought nudity and the word "mother fucker" and bloody knife fights were offensive, I wouldn't be getting 200 channels of blessed digital cable in my home. And I wouldn't be purchasing satellite radio for my car. The FCC must stop acting as if they were everyone's parents. Where does the line get drawn? Whose standard of decency to we use to curtail what is seen on pay television? What the hell happened to deciding for ourselves what kind of entertainment is seen or heard in the privacy of our own homes? I thought a conservative government meant less laws, not more. Step up and repudiate this idea, then. I'm just waiting for the day when some government regulation installs a curse jar in my house and comes to collect my Quarters of Indecency every month. Fuck that.

open discussion on fma

Ok, I'm back on the controversy wagon. I stole this whole thing verbatim from Andrew Sullivan and I'd like your comments. Note: This was not Sullivan's writing, but an email he received from a Republican lawyer. The FMA as a Trojan Horse
Now that opponents and proponents of gay marriage are all riled about the FMA its time to talk about the true impact of including a definition of marriage in the Constitution. The potential impact of inclusion of the FMA will effect every American straight or gay because the FMA is not about gay marriage, it is a dangerous Trojan Horse that could completely redefine the powers of the federal government. As an attorney who is researching this issue, let me explain to the best of my ability, why I haven’t been sleeping well since Tuesday. Under the Constitution of the United States there is no express right to privacy, rather this right to be free from excessive government interference in our personal lives has arisen from Supreme Court precedent that cites the lack of regulation of intimate relationships and the protections of the bill of rights as the basis for an inference of the right to privacy. The right to privacy, according the Supreme Court is found in the penumbras and emanations of these two factors. A shadow of a right, very delicate and now threatened. By including a provision regulating the most intimate of relationships into the Constitution, the traditional analysis that the court has used to limit government power will be fundamentally changed and the right to privacy, if it is not destroyed completely, will be severely curtailed. As a result, decisions like Roe v. Wade, (Abortion), Griswold v. Connecticut (Birth Control), Lawrence v. Texas (Private Sexual Acts), will all be fair game for re-analysis under this new jurisprudential regime as the Constitutional foundation for those decisions will have been altered. A brilliant strategy really, with one amendment the religious right could wipe out access to birth control, abortion, and even non-procreative sex (as Senator Santorum so eagerly wants to do). This debate isn’t only about federalism, it’s about the reversal of two hundred years of liberal democracy that respects individuals. So why isn’t anyone talking about this aspect of it?
The floor is open.

burn, baby, burn

In all my sound and fury, signifying nothing, emotional vomiting yesterday, I forgot two note two anniversaries. Jay Solo celebrated his first full year of blogging and Matt Drachenberg now has two years under his belt. Congrats on all that time putting out great stuff, guys. I'm working on something to post later on (something that does not involve war, religion or hurt feelings), and I need your help. It's actually something worse than war, religion and hurt feelings. It's disco. Go over to SQotD and play a little word association. It's for the good of the world, you know.

February 26, 2004

Searchin’ for light in the darkness of insanity

I leave you tonight with a song. Elvis C. - What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love and Understanding? (mp3) Those three things aren't just for tree-hugging hippies, you know. As I walk through This wicked world Searchin’ for light in the darkness of insanity. I ask myself Is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, There’s one thing I wanna know: What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? And as I walked on Through troubled times My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes So where are the strong And who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. ’Cause each time I feel it slippin’ away, just makes me wanna cry. What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? So where are the strong? And who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. ’Cause each time I feel it slippin’ away, just makes me wanna cry. What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding? ohhhh What’s so funny ’bout peace love & understanding?

dance card

[this is the standard "written on the fly and in the heat of passion" disclaimer. typos, bad grammar and spelling and mixed metaphors may or may not be edited later. this is raw meat.] Ten. That's how many emails I received today from people telling me that they, too had been cast aside by old friends because of political differences. Ten people who once had good friends, but one date - that date being September 11, 2001 - drew a line between them. sharksjets.jpgI've been living on that line for two years now. I had been doing a balancing act for a while, swaying to the left and right, wondering on which side of the line I would eventually fall. That I had to fall on one side was not my idea, it was the idea of people pulling me - or pushing me - in either direction. I've written about the chasm between "us and them" before. It's only getting worse. When I said that this year is going to be like 1968 all over again, it wasn't hyperbole on my part. It's getting there. The build-up is going to go on for months and the culmination will happen in August or November. It's ugly now and it will only get uglier as time goes on. But who is making this divide? It's not me. I can say that with all honesty. I'm not threatening you or blackmailing you with friendship so that you vote my way. I'm not telling you that you are an idiot for voting the way you see fit. I don't hate you if you don't think like me. I have not dropped one friend since I crossed that center line. They have made the decision to drop me. I have not declared liberals or democrats or whatever you call yourself on that side of the fence my enemy. I don't hate you. I don't want this divide. I don't want America to self destruct in a couple of months. And there's that hippie/liberal who still lurks deep down inside me coming out. I do want to live in peace and harmony. Who doesn't? I do want rainbows and fuzzy bunnies and a world where everyone smiles. I want to hold your hand even though we don't see eye to eye on everything. I want to be able to talk to you about what we do have in common rather than fight over the things we don't. Most of all, I want to learn from each other. I want to know why you feel the way you do, why you vote the way you do. I want to talk, to debate, to understand where everyone else is coming from. When I was in high school I had this vision of a perfect America, where everyone wore flowers in their hair and were pleasant to each other and to other nations. I had a dream. It was a stupid, naive dream, but it was mine. The older I got, the more I realized how unlikely it was that I would ever see such a peaceful America. But I never in my wildest dreams imagined anything like this. As an eight year old child, I stood in the midst of an all-out riot that broke out during a protest of the Vietnam war. Even at that age, I read the paper every day, I watched the news and I knew that America was not a happy place. People were mad at each other. People were hating and fighting and crying. But I never once felt the venom that and pure hatred that I am feeling now. I never thought in 1970 that the divide was final. I do now. And it's depressing. Just remember when you talk about the great divide in that I have not disowned you. I have not crossed you off my Christmas card list or taken your email out of my address book. Those ten emails I got today were all from people who have been dropped off the cliff by people who use voting for Bush as a litmus test for friendships. That dream world I envisioned when I was 16 is just a fantasy. The nightmare I'm seeing now is real. It eats at me every day. I admit that I was part of it for a while. But I realized what I was doing and stopped. I stopped spending my days writing about what the folks at Indymedia were up to. I stopped scrutinizing every sentence a liberal columnist wrote. I tried to be kinder and gentler and less divisive so I would not be part of the death of my own teenage dreams. I put on my smiley face and hoped for the best. I wrote about my family, my life, anything but what the left was up to. It's been almost five months since I went on my left-bashing hiatus. When I write about politics now, I try to do it from my own point of view and not spew hatred against people who don't share that view. I make the effort to spread peace, love and understanding. I am so angry today, so disappointed and sad. What have we done with this country? What have we become? In October I compared the tension between the left and the right to West Side Story. Towards the end of that entry, I wrote: There's a definite rumble coming. There's gangs lining up on every side; the terrorists here, the protestors there, the pro-war people, the Jew-haters, the Death To America crowd, the extremists and Bush haters; it's showdown time in the back alley! We've been dancing too long. The tension in the gym, all decorated with flags and anti-flags, depending on which side you are standing on, well, its become unbearable. We're gonna rumble like it's 1968. Alas, everyone loses in this rumble. Everyone. We all go home with our heads hanging and blood on our shirts. Too bad. I was really hoping we could dance.

helping hand

Dean and his family need your help. Dean has been more than generous with his time; he has helped many a blogger move off of Blogspot and without Dean, Operation Give would not be the success that it is. So give a little back. The blogosphere, as I very well know, is made up of very generous people. Whether you like Dean's blog or not, think about giving the Esmays what you can. Empathy and thoughtfulness do not know of politics.


The woman who died while viewing The Passion of the Christ worked for Clear Channel! Eh, make up your own conspiracy/religious theory. I'm drawing a blank. via Gawker

first there was 2/26

On February 26, 1993 the war against America went into full swing. Ramzi Ahmed Yousef entered the United States with a false Iraqi passport in 1992. Yousef and others built a complex bomb with materials on which they spent a total of $300.00 The bomb was planted in a car with the help of Yousef's accomplices. At 12:18 p.m., the bomb exploded underneath the World Trade Center. Six people were killed. Thousands were injured. Yousef escaped to Pakistan shortly after the bomb went off. He was arrested two years later in Pakistan and in 1998 was sentenced to 240 years in prison. John DiGiovanni, Bob Kirkpatrick, Steven Knapp, Bill Macko, Wilfred Mercado and Monica Rodriguez Smith all died eleven years ago today by the hands of terrorists. In the wake of 9/11, their deaths became a footnote in history. Please don't forget them. We must never forget; not this one, not the USS Cole or the Khobar towers or the bombing of U.S. embassies in Africa, not 9/11. Don't forget them.


The problem with coming over to someone's weblog and making assumptions about them based on one entry is this: your assumptions will most likely be way off base. For the reasoning-impaired, let's review. * I am not from the religious right. In fact, I am an atheist. * I do not consider myself a Republican. I have not voted for a Republican president ever - and I've been voting since 1980. * I am not homophobic or bigoted. All you needed to do was scroll down the page a bit and you would have figured that out before you made an ass of yourself. * I am not a gung-ho, Bush-can-do-no-wrong kind of person. When I vote for him in November, it will not be done with a great amount of joy. Ways not to win an argument: * Insist that everyone who does not agree with you is stupid or misguided. * Assume that anyone who likes Bush for his stance on terrorism has been "brainwashed" by the party line and cannot think for themselves, nor come to conclusions without having them whispered in their ear. You want to talk? Debate? Go over facts and figures? Fine. Let's do that. But I'm going to start off assuming that you are an intelligent, thoughtful person who is able to make your own decisions and come to your own conclusions. If you cannot do the same for me, then we cannot debate or talk. Ever. That is all. Update: If you are coming here from various links, you might want to read this post first, so you have the context for this one. And then hit the main page, where I go off on some wild-eyed rant about America, 1968, dancing and West Side Story.

the emotions of politics

I don't even know where to start on this topic. Ok, I'll just dive right in. Once again, differences in politics and beliefs have caused hurt feelings, broken friendships and some sadness. I'm not going to address the plethora of people who are on my case today. I only want to address Chris, because he was a good friend at one point, one of only two blogging friends who were invited to my wedding, someone I've had dinner with, someone who has been in my home. I'm not providing a link, not because I want to be secretive, but because I don't want anyone going over to his comment section and making things worse. Chris - and many others - can't understand how I can be a one issue voter, yet they want me to not vote for Bush based on one issue.
But if you know me, and consider yourself my friend, and appreciate me as a person, and you still vote for George W. Bush this coming November, then let me tell you something right now: Don't ever let me know that you did. Because I will never speak to you again.
Further down, he says, on the same subject:
then I am sorry, but I do not ever want to see your face or hear your voice in my presence. It's a done deal. My apologies if that offends anyone, but guess what? If that's you, you've been offending me for a long, long time. And I'm just a little bit angry about what you would allow to be done to me, and to our country.
I'm stunned. Completely stunned. You are asking me to consider one issue and one issue only in the coming election, yet you are taking me to task for doing the same. Yes, I believe in gay rights. I believe they should be allowed to marry. And I don't think there's a chance in hell that Bush's proposed amendment to the consitution will pass. But that's not enough. It's not enough for my gay friend to know that I support him and once loved him like a brother. I now have to vote like him. A vote for Bush is not a vote against you, Chris. It doesn't mean I think less of you. It just means that I've weighed my options and I took into account my own life, my own situation, my family, concerns and Bush turned out to be the best candidate for me. It's not like Kerry is going to press for the right for gays to marry, either. So what of the people who vote for him? Will you still talk to them even though he doesn't believe in your cause? In his next post he says:
All I can say to those who disagree with me on this issue is, I'm sorry we've reached this place. I'm sorry the world's gotten so fucked -- ignore the reasons why -- that people who all believe in liberty have to be torn apart by which ones to protect first: I'm sorry that the assault on our freedoms is so fierce, and comes from so many assailants, that we have to fight each other before we can get permission to fight back. Shit's fucked up and I have to believe that I'm doing what I can to make it better. I guess you do too, but at the end of the fight, if it ever comes, I want you to sit down and take stock of what you have, and then think about what your neighbor still has, and ask yourself: Was it worth it?
I believe the same things as you, Chris. I believe that what I'm doing is right for the long term. I could ask the same question about you. And like I said yesterday, I cannot go into the voting booth and take into consideration you and my neighbor and myself and make the right choice for all of us. It's impossible. So what do I do? Make the choice that 's right for you? Isn't knowing that I support your cause enough to keep a friendship going, or do I have to actually march in your footsteps and do all the things you do in order to regain your acceptance? I can't do that. But I can be really, really sad that it's come to this. I've lost friends over politics before. I've had blog fights and I've had people delink me and call me terrible things. But nothing hurts as much as a friend telling you that, because you are putting your beliefs and needs ahead of his when voting, that he no longer cares about your existence. I'm not going to defend my choice any longer. I'm not going to explain once more why I've made that choice. I don't know why I even felt like I owed anyone an explanation to begin with. Yes, I am incredibly pissed at George Bush for the action he has taken in regards to gay marriage. It's one issue that he's really gone opposite from me on. So you want me to vote for Kerry instead? I don't agree with Kerry on anything. Sure, he's not going to try to change the constitution. But everything else about him drives me mad. I'm torn apart here, trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing in order to make this world a better place, a safer place; in order to make my children's future bright and free of terrorism; in order to make wars stop and the economy rise and inflation go down and every single child in the world have food and clothing and proper schooling and hey, let's cure cancer, eliminate natural disasters and draw rainbows across the sky while we're at it. There is no one - no one candidate - who can fulfill all your wishes. So why would you expect me to not vote for the candidate who at least fulfills a good portion of mine? I'm angry and upset to the point of being nauseous. I'm being attacked on from an incredible amount of people from all sides on this issue. I'm confused, angry, hurt, most likely incoherent and not making much sense and just...livid. I've managed to keep a lot of friends who are so liberal they make Indymedia look like NewsMax. I manage to still be friends with people who are anti-war, who poke fun at my politics or march against the things I stand for - and vote against them, too. I've accepted that basic fact that everyone is different. If I stopped talking to people who have values opposite mine, I would be a very lonely person. This is going to eat at me all day. I've encountered three people in the last half hour who come off as if they would put a knife in my heart and spit in the wound if they met me. Maybe I'll lose all my gay friends, which are, admittedly, a big portion of my friends. Maybe I'll eventually lose every friend I have who is liberal or voting for Kerry or anti-war. But the one thing I will never lose is my sense of self. I am not going to fold up my Bush tent because someone has used a friendship to bully me into it. Never.

Clear Channel

Before you start calling Clear Channel a tool of the Republican Agenda, read this post at Late Final, which lists some of the politicians who have been on the receiving end of Clear Channel donation money. Last I looked, Chuck Schumer was not part of the Republican Agenda to Take Away Your Radio.

a new addition to the ASV family

I told you I would bring the QotD back. And I have. It's located here, and you can go there now because I will be late to the blogging party this morning. Go, go! It's got a cartoon theme today!

February 25, 2004

Adventures in Clear Channel Babysitting (Updated)

Clear Channel has once again proven that they want to be a dictator to our ears.
Clear Channel Radio has suspended the broadcast of Viacom's Howard Stern show, consistent with its Responsible Broadcasting Initiative announced earlier today. After assessing the content of yesterday's Howard Stern show, Clear Channel worked with local market managers to take swift and decisive action. "Clear Channel drew a line in the sand today with regard to protecting our listeners from indecent content and Howard Stern's show blew right through it," said John Hogan, president and CEO of Clear Channel Radio.
Protecting their listeners? If they were listening to the Stern show, they weren't expecting anything less than vulgar. He's been doing this how many years? And Clear Channel is just now getting around to editing/censoring him? Janet and Justin have no idea what they have brought upon the entertainment industry. I expect Jeff to have something to say about this. Update/Clarification: Editing and censoring were the wrong words to use. But that's besides the point. I'm not really all that strung out over Stern's predicament; I just think it's kind of funny that he's been doing this kind of thing for years and Clear Channel just now - in the wake of Janet's boobie exposure - decides he should be taken off the air. It's a knee-jerk reaction on CC's part - Stern surely is a ratings boon for most of their stations and a money maker - and in the long run it's only going to get more people listening to Stern on the stations on which he is still airing. I'm not much of a Stern fan (I certainly used to be, back in the early days), I prefer to listen to Curtis and Kuby or music on my ride to work. I just believe that this means absolutely nothing to Stern and company except more fodder for his show, less listeners for Clear Channel and another reason to get satellite radio.

for the five of you reading who care

Attention West Coasters: American Idol spoiler below. (I'm so sorry, btsi) Leah was totally ripped off. Chicks voted for John because he's cute. Girls are dumb. DUMB! Stop thinking with your hormones!

the answer

To the inadvertently unfinished post below is this: Full workouts, baby. For one glorious moment, everything is right with the world. No matter what the calendar or the weatherman says, spring has sprung for me.

I knew something seemed different this morning. The air was warmer, sweeter. Even though there was a light dusting of snow on the ground and a think layer of ice on the car windshield, I still sensed spring's presence in the air. No, not just spring, it was something else as well. Something that Update: Yea. This was supposed to be on draft, not publish. Doh! But I like where you're going with it. Continue.

SQoTD: Makin' out With Harley Quinn

That stands for Sporadic Question of the Day. Today's question comes from my buddy Todd. You didn't know I take request, did you? Well, I do*. Todd asks: If you were going to do the bump and grind with any cartoon character (past or present, male, female or animal), who would it be? And for the euphemism challenged, by bump and grind, I mean have sex with. And there's no need to put a disclaimer here about safe sex and all that because as far as I know, cartoon characters and human beings cannot reproduce together. Imagine that hybrid! Oh, just to make it more interesting, Jessica Rabbit is off limits. *If you'd like to pose a question for the SQoTD, just send me an email with said question

you say you want an evolution

We've all used the phrase "the lesser of two evils" and many of us have used it when pulling the lever in a voting booth. While the word evil may be hyperbole, the hell that having to make a choice puts us through is not. So now the issue faces me and millions of other disenfranchised voters who feel they are not fully represented by one particular political party: who do we vote for in good conscience? I really can't make any case for voting for Kerry, myself. He's my ideological opposite in nearly every way. And I won't vote for Nader again; he's not only an egostical party crasher, he really has nothing to offer me besides a chance to once more throw away a vote. So, Bush. We already know that my main voting issue is terrorism. While I think Bush is the best person to continue fighting the war on terror, I'm still unhappy with his dealings with the Saudis, the continued silence on Iran and Pakistan and the indifference towards North Korea. The world is a bombshell, kids, and if a strong, decisive leader doesn't step up to the plate soon, they'll be practicing air raid drills in schools again. Can Bush be that guy? Well, I think he has more of a chance of being that guy than Kerry or Nader. Am I selfish to make homeland security my number one priority in this election? Damn straight. And why shouldn't I be? My family is my number one priority in life, so I need to make decisions based on what's right for them. What is right for my children, for their future and their potential families down the road? What's right - for now - is freedom and safety. What's right is making sure that they don't live through another September 11th again. What's right is protecting them from the people who want to hurt them just because they are American and they are free. If I took into account every person in the United States when I went into the polling booth, if I took into mind the needs of every gender, race, religion and group with special needs, I would never come out. I'd stare at all the choices and never be able to make the right one for everyone. So, selfish as it may seem, I have to make the right choice for me and what I think is the right choice for the country. Right now I'm down to this: Kerry has nothing for me. Nader is not even a choice. I agree with Bush on several issues though I strongly disagree with him on others. It just so happens that my number one voting issue is one that I trust Bush with. So I don't understand those who chastise me for being self-centered in my means of making a presidential choice. And I certainly don't understand when someone says I am supporting a fear over what I know and that fear is irrational. This is not irrational. It's real. Was this a fake event acted out on a sound stage? No, it was real. How can you say that the fear that comes with something like that is not real? Contrary to what you may believe, Bush did not instill that fear in me. A bunch of radical religious nuts on a jihad did that. Are you so naive to think that they don't want to do it again? How is that I'm selfish if I vote with my own family in mind, but you aren't selfish if you vote with your own agenda in mind? When you go to the polls, you aren't going to be thinking of me or what I want. Maybe the economy or gay rights is number one on your agenda but, as much as those things are important to me, they are not number one on mine. How dare you have the nerve for calling me selfish when I decide to cast my vote according to what I feel should be the priorities of this nation. That's why we have more than one candidate. This isn't the old Iraq, with one name on the ballot. This isn't Iran, where the oppositon is cast off the ballot by those in charge. We have a choice. We make that choice based on our beliefs, our politics, our ideology and our own personal values. I am not voting out of an irrational fear. I'm voting the way I am because my fear is founded in reality. I'm voting with my head and my heart; my head knows the reality of terrorism and my heart wants my children to not live in a place where that reality becomes commonplace. Yes, I used to be like you. I used to think we could all live in peace and harmony and teach the world to sing. I used to think war was inherently evil and America had no right to go into other countries trying to instill democracy. Things change. People evolve. Your ass gets kicked by reality and reality is wearing a steel-toed boot. It hurts. Then you heal. And you learn. Pardon me if my priority is the safety, freedom and future of the children I brought into this world. If that's voting selfishly, so be it. My choice is the one which I feel will give me the best chance that I won't repeat the scene of standing outside on a beautiful fall day, watching the sky to the west turn a hundred shades of death.


I'm really ticked off today. Once again, the blood is boiling, the emotions are surfacing and I'm back in 9/11 mode once again. Oh, it's ok. It's good to revisit this place every once in a while. It's good to get the chance to take some people by their collars and shake the rocks out of their brains. I'll explain later. Meanwhile, I've been working on something. It's called Evolution and it's a timeline of sorts of how I went from from one side of the fence to the other. It's a work in progress.

February 24, 2004

how i helped my daughter with her studies in a roundabout way

Natalie just informed me that her social studies class is using The Command Post to research the War in Iraq. Cool.

retraction of a comment

You know what? I take it back. I was speaking while I was in an emotionally explosive state. I still am a one issue voter. While I am a big supporter of gay rights, defending this country is still my number one priority. What good are our rights if we're dead? Yes, the president has "better things to do than jerk around with the Constitution." We'll all be in Stephen King land if he doesn't pay attention. Defend first. Offend later. That's my motto and I'm sticking to it. And by offend, I mean offend those who think I'm some kind of heretic for supporting gay marriage I'm still with Ed Koch.

side note

It's amazing what can be accomplished when two people decide to lay their emotional weapons on the ground, check their egos at the door and talk like the two mature adults they are. Live and learn, folks. Live and learn.

one word, a million denials (Updated)

How fitting that the issue of Time I was reading in the doctor's waiting room today was the issue in which Andrew Sullivan's essay about marriage appeared. I'm disappointed in President Bush's decision today. Not that I expected him to do anything else other than support a ban, but it still angers me. What I don't understand is this: why is marriage a religious issue? Isn't that expecting everyone to follow a certain religious standard? Then wouldn't it follow that making the law fit a religious definition of marriage denying us our freedom from religion? I got home from the doctor and immediately went to the computer and hit The Corner. I guess I like to get aggravated. I knew what I would find there. Good old Derbyshire - well, he's so predictable.
I am totally at a loss with this "gay marriage" business. Can someone please tell me (A) Which civil right homosexuals citizens currently do not have, and (B) Which civil right they currently have, that they will no longer have if the President's FMA proposal is enacted? Thank you. Brief answers only, please.
It's not about a specific civil right, you simpleton. That's my brief answer. The long answer is this - It's about humanity. That sounds short, but it's not. It involves so many things, including compassion, love, fairness, empathy and dignity. It's about treating every man and woman as equal, as members of the human race, not members of some sideshow in the circus. If the constitution is amended, it should be done in plain, truthful language: All man are created equal but are not treated as such. We hereby deny gay people the right to have a legal union of love, care and respect. We, the people, hereby decree that gay people should be stigmatized and treated as a lower form of humanity; a lower form that will not be granted the right to legally come together as one in matrimony. Your religion despises homosexuality? Great. Make an amendment to your church's constitution that your clergy won't marry gays. But where do you come off asking that all of America should act in the same accordance with your church? Oh yes, marriage is a sacrament that stems from religions. Fine. Then let the church keep the word marriage and let there be a secular term - say, union. Ah, but that wouldn't matter. Because there would be some other grounds on which you would find the idea of two men who you don't even know joining together in a legal ceremony. Don't tell me it's about religion. Because deep down, it's about intolerance and bigotry. Those who wish to deny gay people their right to happiness - and for some, happiness will come with marriage and the sense of completion that marriage brings - are small minded. The proposed amendment is about a word. A single word. The result is as devastating as if it were a hundred words painted on someone's heart with a twisting knife. Update: Like Alex Knapp, I'm wondering if Bush doesn't have better things to do than mess with the constitution. We're at war with Iraq, Iran is a bomb waiting to explode, and al Qaeda is still making threats. If Bush thinks that gay marriage is an issue which will bring his voters together, he's dead wrong. He forgot about the thousands of September 11th voters out there who think the number one priority in this country is winning the war on terror, not amending an historical document to fit the wants of the president's conservative base.

Delay of Game

Apparently Nat has not fully recovered from her mono because the school nurse just called and said I should come get her and take her home because she's "not right." So, off to get her and get her back to the doctor. Side note: My boss is giving a lecture today on how the media distorts public opinion of the judiciary. He's using this Maureen Dowd column as an example. Anyhow, blogging later. Which is just as well. I'm mentally exhausted today. Oh, but I do have a question for you, which I may expand on later. 2/3 of Americans said they support the idea of televised executions. Would you pay to watch an execution on television? Let's assume that the crime did not in any way involve you or someone you know. Just a total stranger being executed for a crime you only read about in the paper once or twice. Would you watch? Now, what if it were Scott Peterson being executed? Ok, what about bin Laden? Saddam? Just curious, really.

February 23, 2004

runs through your fingers just like sand

Thanks to the magnificent duo of Solonor and Allen, I do believe the new design is rendering correctly for everyone. Yes? Thank you also to Dave for the script to put the monthly archives in a pull-down menu. And thank you a million time to everyone who offered coding help. I would be remiss if I did not end this night with a hearfelt thank you to everyone's words of love and encouragement in regards to my announcement last night. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The blogosphere is filled with the most caring, generous, loving people in the world. This is my home away from home and I love my wonderful, eclectic dysfunctional blogging family. And now, I have a date with Captain Morgan. With which I will toast to my companions in separation sadness, D and Pix Raise your cup and let's propose a toast - Faith No More - Last Cup of Sorrow (mp3). This is getting old and so are you Everything you know and never knew Will run through your fingers just like sand - Enjoy it while you can - Like a snake between two stones It itches, in your bones Take a deep breath and swallow, your sorrow, tomorrow Raise the cup and let's propose a toast To the thing that hurts you most It's your last cup of sorrow What can you say? Finish it today It's your last cup of sorrow So think of me And get on your way It won't begin until you make it end Until you know the how the where and the when With a new face you might surprise yourself Like a snake between two stones It itches, in your bones Take a deeper breath and swallow, your sorrow, tomorrow Raise the cup and let's propose a toast To the thing that hurts you most Is your last cup of sorrow What can you say? Finish it today It's your last cup of sorrow So think of me And get on your way You might surprise yourself

showing you mine

I got this from Stephen, who got it from John Scalzi: Open up your Winamp, put it on shuffle and list the first ten songs that come up. Here's mine: Swiss Army Girlfriend - MTX Nick Cave - Mercy Seat Tool - Jimmy Handsome Boy Modeling School - Waterworld Self - Crashing Parties Type O Negative - My Girlfriend's Girlfriend Combustible Edison - Sentimental Journey Boogie Down Productions - You Must Learn The Mad Caddies - Road Rash Refused - New Noise And because I'm all about excess, I did ten more. Faith No More - Land of Sunshine Deftones - Mascara Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 Danzig - Dirty Black Summer Glassjaw - Motel of the White Locust Lovage - Archie & Veronica Orgy - Stitches A Tribe Called Quest - I Left My Wallet in El Segundo Ol Dirty Bastard - Got Your money Sade - Jezebel Nothing too embarassing yet. Yet.

in the cards

is doing tarot card readings for his readers. He did mine two days ago - before I ever let on that anything was going on with my marriage. It's frightening how spot on he was about everything. Except the spicy smelling lady. Any of you have dark hair and eyes and wear spicy smelling perfume? Dave thinks I want to do you. Heh. Seriously, when you read this you'll see why the skeptic in me nearly passed out. Even the tiny details are right. Go over to Dave's and get your own reading. Even if it's just for fun. (Reading is below) [That tarot card is from the Vertigo Tarot collection, art by Dave McKean] Okay, well, I just did your reading. Honey. You're just not a happy camper right now. Okay, this is what I see: A million ideas, thoughts, escape plans, regrets, possibilities and subsequent limitations are racing through your mind right now. And it's killing your sleep. You're having nightmares when you *can* sleep. You never feel rested because your mind is always churning, churning. About EVERYTHING. Okay, recent past, you made this plan (Seven of Wands). You were in chaos and made a decision to take your life in a different direction. Trouble is, now that you're in this new direction, everything seems utterly absolutely wrong. You are (un)sleeping on a bed of nails. But see, in your mind you have constructed this idea that you can do this, it is an act of mental discipline to be this model mother/wife/helpmeet (Queen of Cups), to put everyone else's needs first, to be dutiful, docile, to come when called. Trouble is, this has left your heart lying pierced and bleeding out its life into the frozen snow. (Ten of Swords) Honey, there is an electrical storm boiling in your deepest inner reaches. A conflict so violent that it could tear you apart if left unchecked. Already you are sowing the seeds for something totally destructive. I don't know what it is, you sneaky, crafty Virgo, but you have planted explosive charges in strategic areas where all you have to do is dial certain numbers on your cell phone and bridges collapse, buildings cave in on entire relationships. It is one of the only things you feel like you have power over right now. But remember, destructive power is never real power. It takes just as much out of you in strength as it gives you in satisfaction. The victories are always hollow. Right now, you are doing the only thing you can do, diligently tending to your chores (Three of Pentacles) and doing what you must do to keep things from flying apart, but meanwhile your heart is feeling like a category four hurricane. There's an irritating man around. An attorney? (King of Swords) You are *this* close to smiting him with the full wrath of your fury, but remember, honey, jobs are hard to find, and you have a new house to move into. All this guy wants is your attention. He wants to get your goat. He wants to feel like he has some kind of effect on you, even if it is to watch you pointedly ignore him. He's a sad little boy. Treat him as such. He's just static. You have bigger fish to fry. I see another female figure on the horizon. Dark hair, maybe curly, dark eyes, spicy smelling perfume or shampoo. What's up with this woman, Michele? Why do you love and fear her? Do you want to be her? Do her? Are you worried she's after your man? Know what? I don't trust her either. You are right to feel wary about her. Keep an eye on that woman. She wants something. As for your outcome? I see restlessness. Restlessness, restlessness, restlessness. You want some changes. You might even want some more time to yourself. Use these powerful emotions that you are soooooooooo good at denying as forces to change your self for the better. Have a look at what's out there. You could have it, too. Otherwise you will melt down from the constant internal conflict. You owe it to yourself and everyone who loves you. Meanwhile, YOU MUST REST. In order to think clearly, to heal properly, to be quick and clever and fast on your feet, you must be well rested. So, rest. Get your eight hours a night if it kills you. You must reconcile this conflict between this Donna Reed in your head and the raging tempest boiling in your gut. It's going to wear you out and make you do things you'll regret. I want to talk more with you about this.

in the cards

David is doing tarot card readings for his readers. He did mine two days ago - before I ever let on that anything was going on with my marriage. It's frightening how spot on he was about everything. Except the spicy smelling lady. Any of you have dark hair and eyes and wear spicy smelling perfume? Dave thinks I want to do you. Heh. Seriously, when you read this you'll see why the skeptic in me nearly passed out. Even the tiny details are right. Go over to Dave's and get your own reading. Even if it's just for fun. (Reading is below) [That tarot card is from the Vertigo Tarot collection, art by Dave McKean] Okay, well, I just did your reading. Honey. You're just not a happy camper right now. Okay, this is what I see: A million ideas, thoughts, escape plans, regrets, possibilities and subsequent limitations are racing through your mind right now. And it's killing your sleep. You're having nightmares when you *can* sleep. You never feel rested because your mind is always churning, churning. About EVERYTHING. Okay, recent past, you made this plan (Seven of Wands). You were in chaos and made a decision to take your life in a different direction. Trouble is, now that you're in this new direction, everything seems utterly absolutely wrong. You are (un)sleeping on a bed of nails. But see, in your mind you have constructed this idea that you can do this, it is an act of mental discipline to be this model mother/wife/helpmeet (Queen of Cups), to put everyone else's needs first, to be dutiful, docile, to come when called. Trouble is, this has left your heart lying pierced and bleeding out its life into the frozen snow. (Ten of Swords) Honey, there is an electrical storm boiling in your deepest inner reaches. A conflict so violent that it could tear you apart if left unchecked. Already you are sowing the seeds for something totally destructive. I don't know what it is, you sneaky, crafty Virgo, but you have planted explosive charges in strategic areas where all you have to do is dial certain numbers on your cell phone and bridges collapse, buildings cave in on entire relationships. It is one of the only things you feel like you have power over right now. But remember, destructive power is never real power. It takes just as much out of you in strength as it gives you in satisfaction. The victories are always hollow. Right now, you are doing the only thing you can do, diligently tending to your chores (Three of Pentacles) and doing what you must do to keep things from flying apart, but meanwhile your heart is feeling like a category four hurricane. There's an irritating man around. An attorney? (King of Swords) You are *this* close to smiting him with the full wrath of your fury, but remember, honey, jobs are hard to find, and you have a new house to move into. All this guy wants is your attention. He wants to get your goat. He wants to feel like he has some kind of effect on you, even if it is to watch you pointedly ignore him. He's a sad little boy. Treat him as such. He's just static. You have bigger fish to fry. I see another female figure on the horizon. Dark hair, maybe curly, dark eyes, spicy smelling perfume or shampoo. What's up with this woman, Michele? Why do you love and fear her? Do you want to be her? Do her? Are you worried she's after your man? Know what? I don't trust her either. You are right to feel wary about her. Keep an eye on that woman. She wants something. As for your outcome? I see restlessness. Restlessness, restlessness, restlessness. You want some changes. You might even want some more time to yourself. Use these powerful emotions that you are soooooooooo good at denying as forces to change your self for the better. Have a look at what's out there. You could have it, too. Otherwise you will melt down from the constant internal conflict. You owe it to yourself and everyone who loves you. Meanwhile, YOU MUST REST. In order to think clearly, to heal properly, to be quick and clever and fast on your feet, you must be well rested. So, rest. Get your eight hours a night if it kills you. You must reconcile this conflict between this Donna Reed in your head and the raging tempest boiling in your gut. It's going to wear you out and make you do things you'll regret. I want to talk more with you about this.

site issues

A whole bunch of very nice people have offered assistance in getting the sidebar issues and other things straightened out. Some very nice man (and I say this even though he is a Red Sox fan) is going to get under the hood and fix it all up tonight. Patience is a virtue.

fire in the sky

I made a list of songs that fit the criteria set forth below. And then I started crossing off and adding on. Green Grass and High Tides (The Outlaws) is still a good song. Charlie Daniels' The South's Gonna Do it Again is not. Van Halen's Ice Cream Man still rocks. Van Halen's Dance the Night Away does not. Def Leppard's Love Bites is still awesome. So is The Scorpions' Still Loving You. Journey's Open Arms makes me break out in hives. So does Beth by Kiss. I once thought both those songs were poignant. I've already had my say about Stairway to Heaven. Every Iron Maiden song pre-1992 has held up. And Pantera's Cemetery Gates was never a good song. Looking at songs that I still like, rather than the ones I am embarassed to have once rocked out to, I will say this: Smoke on the Water will forever and always rule.

amuse yourself while i have a liquid lunch

Some people are angry at me, and with good reason. So I hereby apologize for making you think about the song Freebird, which you had all but banished from your mind since 1980 or so. Which leads me to the Question of the Day for Monday: What song did you once love, but now makes your cringe in agony - both at the song itself and at the realization that you once thought it was the greatest thing ever recorded?

what song is it you want to hear?*

Sorry about that bomb I dropped on you last night. I thought I'd just sneak it in there, between bad tv and good tv and it would just blip on your radar screen only to be wiped away by Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. So why put it in there at all? Because this is my journal of sorts. It's not a journal in the classic sense of the word; I mean, who writes about George Lucas in their diary? Dear Diary, Today I hated George Lucas some more. He breaks my heart. Woe is me and the earth upon which JarJar Binks walks. Doesn't really work, unless you're a stormtrooper. In which case, it's hard to write with all that plastic you're wearing. Anyhow. It would be dishonest of me to continue writing about this, that and the other thing without ever mentioning my current marital situation. I tend to mix the personal with the impersonal, and surely it would become apparent at some point that something is going on in my life to which you are not privy and the posting of morose song lyrics and diary-like entries would just leave you, my friends, all confused and bewildered. It's like this: The Big D is not involved here. We're not seeing lawyers or signing papers or severing the ties that bind. We're almost breaking up in the sense that high school sweethearts do; let's be apart for a while. Let's breathe and regroup and maybe we can come back to it and it will be different. It's that whole butterfly poster come to life. There's a lot going on that would just be long-winded and boring for you to read. Suffice it to say that if problems go unsolved from the very start, they will rear their butt ugly heads later on and bite you in the ass with some very sharp teeth. And that's what happened. We've been bit in the ass by things left unsaid, words hanging in the air, fights unresolved and conversations cut off. All those things make for a very tumultuous, volatile relationship. And when you combine those things with the fact that you have two passive-aggressive people trying to be both passive and aggressive with each other, you get a nice sized mushroom cloud eventually. Love is an interesting thing. When it's done right, it's both wonderful and excruciating. You would walk on hot coals for the person you love. You would sleep on a bed of nails, drink a gallon of vinegar, walk around with a wedgie all day and listen to hours of Celine Dion songs if it would somehow save your relationship. In the current case at hand, we forego the bed of nails and Titanic theme for another form of torture; time apart. One goes one way, one goes the other and if in that time apart maturity, medication and miracles occur, our hearts will go on. The issues themselves are too deep and too personal to detail here. Plus, I would have to admit to making several mistakes and I'd rather not do that publicly. Mistakes of the heart are better left expressed on crumbled pieces of paper stuffed in the bottom of your underwear drawer. I'm fine, thanks for asking. I know "the best thing" when I see it. Been there, done that, bought the lawyer and divorce papers. Maybe the ending will be different this time, maybe it won't. All I know is we're still in love and love sometimes means hanging posters of cliches in your bedroom. As corny as it may sound, that saying about setting things free is right - and a butterfly is the perfect example. I can either set him free and let him fly merrily away, hoping he comes back. Or I can swat him with a magazine, knock him cold and pin him to the wall with the rest of my collection. Anyone care for a rousing round of Freebird? *That's from the live version of Freebird. I can't believe I remember that.

February 22, 2004

i'm getting to it

I know, I know. The site looks like shit in some browsers. I'm getting there. Meanwhile, if you want to read an entry, just click on the title in the sidebar and it will take you to the individual entry archive page where you can read it in all it's plain, white glory.

no sex in my city

I just saw a news promo where the voice over said "Women everywhere are saying good bye to their best friends tonight..." And then another that stated "Every woman in America is sad tonight..." No. Not all of us, buddy. I watched one episode of Sex in the City and hated it. In fact, it made me cringe. Just because I'm a woman does not mean I was glued to the television every Sunday night to watch other women talking about their sex lives. I don't even find them attractive. Now the local news channel is showing women weeping openly, so disturbed and distressed are they that their favorite show has ended. Crying. Seriously. My husband and decided to split up today. I just can't find it in me to sob over some horny chicks in ugly clothes. Now, if they cancelled Aqua Teen Hunger Force, I might shed a tear. Or two. Speaking of, if you are an Adult Swim fan, make sure you tune in tonight. They are repeating the very first episode of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law; the Race Bannon custody battle. It's the very firs time I saw any of the Adult Swim shows and I think it was even before they called it AS. I blogged about it, but I can't seem to find it in my archives. Anyhow, watch it. It's tv worth weeping over.

One Thing

Sometimes you think you know it all. Or at least you think you've learned enough to know enough to not have things turn out the same way again. Then you find you've learned enough about everything except the one thing that matters the most. Here's a song for you. Finger Eleven - One Thing mp3 Lyrics below. Restless tonight Cause I wasted the light Between both these times I drew a really thin line It’s nothing I planned And not that I can But you should be mine Across that line If I traded it all If I gave it all away for one thing Just for one thing If I sorted it out If I knew all about this one thing Wouldn’t that be something I promise I might Not walk on by Maybe next time But not this time Even though I know I don’t want to know Yeah I guess I know I just hate how it sounds If I traded it all If I gave it all away for one thing Just for one thing If I sorted it out If I knew all about this one thing Wouldn’t that be something


Everyone happy now? Update: If anyone knows how to get this design to render correctly in Mozilla and Netscape, I sure could use the help. Another update: If you are having a problem with the sidebar scrolling over the words, it might because because this design was made with my screen (1024x768) in mind - which, according to my stats - is what 90% of my readers use.

George Lucas is still an ass, v.451

[via Bill] General Grievous? Sounds more like a Power Rangers character than a Star Wars villian. The General will be introduced in an upcoming Boba Fett book. Word on the street is that Grievous is a droid who has Jango Fett's brains. [click for bigger pic]Yep, he's a bow-legged Skeletor with a cape and holster and the posture of Zorak. Showdown at high noon outside the Cantina. Oh wait, here's the official scoop: "In Episode III, we'll meet General Grievous, the military leader of all the Separatist armies. He's part alien and part robot. Grievous is a master strategist and the greatest hand-to-hand Jedi killer the galaxy has ever known." Dude looks like something off of a cereal box. I'm still number one for George Lucas is a Fuckwad and will remain so until someone turns back time and gives Lucas a lobotomy before he can create the monstrosities known as Episodes I, II and III.


I have an Iran roundup of news with usual opinionated slant over at Command Post.

February 21, 2004

speaking of dave grohl

I am in heavy metal heaven. The track listing for Dave Grohl's Probot: "Centuries Of Sin" w/ Cronos (Venom) "Red War" w/ Max Cavalera (Soulfly, Sepultura) "Shake Your Blood" w/ Lemmy (Motorhead) "Access Babylon" w/ Mike Dean (Corrosion of Conformity) "Silent Spring" w/ Kurt Brecht (DRI) "Ice Cold Man" w/ Lee Dorrian (Cathedral, Napalm Death) "the Emerald Law" w/ Wino (St. Vitus, Obsessed, Spirit Caravan, Place of Skulls) "Big Sky" w/ Tom G. Warrior(Celtic Frost /Apollyon Sun) "Dictatorsaurus" w/ Snake (Voivod) "My Tortured Soul" w/ Eric Wagner (Trouble) "Sweet Dreams" w/ King Diamond (Mercyful Fate) Do you realize what an amazing line up of talent that is? Do you know how many hearing aids these guys are responsible for? Mike Dean, Max and King Diamond alone would have been enough. But all that and Dave Grohl? It's better than sex. Seriously. I told you Grohl rocks.

Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Part 2: Darlin' Prince

prince.jpg I never heard of Prince before 1982. Apparently he put out three albums before 1999 hit the charts and the man with the royal name became all the rage. To clarify, 1999 came out in 1982. Prince was obviously a man ahead of his time. He knew all about that Y2K bug before anyone else. He even sang about it: ’cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over, Oops out of time So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999 Nevermind that the best song on the album was Let's Pretend We're Married, all you heard on the radio was 1999 and Little Red Corvette. Over and over and over. And just when you finally got that damn armageddon song out of your mind, it was really 1999 and it was back all over the radio again and everyone was partying like hell would freeze over when the year ended. And then 1999 came and went, and it was evident we were still partying and not out of time at all. Song over. Thank you. I'm getting ahead of myself here. Let's take a trip back to 1984. Come on, you know you saw it. In the theater. You paid money, yes you did. Maybe you even wore purple and knew all the words and felt Prince's pain when he was left standing in the Purple Rain. I know I did. I had the purple vinyl picture disc 45 of When Doves Cry and the purple vinyl version of the soundtrack. Once again, Prince was ahead of his time. With his shorthand spelling (I Would Die 4 U, I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow), Prince foresaw the introduction of America Online Instant Messaging and a million kids were already well-versed in AIM-speak way before it became the first language for millions of illiterate middle schoolers. And that was it. Anything and everything that followed Purple Rain can be found in the cut-out bin at a Sam Goody near you. Or you can buy them for 99 cents at your local CD swapping emporium. Did you know that if you rearrange the words The Artist Formerly Known as Prince you get No first-rate workmanship recently? Coincidence? I think not. Ah, but Prince is sort of making the rounds again. The Foo Fighters have covered the glam star/Jehova's Witness's ode to random sex with strangers, Darling Nikki. It's awesome. Go download it. And the moral of this story is, Dave Grohl rocks my world.

The 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees: A Review

The Hall of Fame Inductees for this year have been announced, so I thought I'd do a little post on each one of them. I'm going to do them one at a time. Let's start with the least known of the inductees - The Dells: I recognize one song by this band - Oh, What a Night. No, no. It's not that Four Seasons song that gets stuck in your head for days at a time until you want to take a sledgehammer to your skull. It's actually a rather nice song. A little doo-wop, a little crooning, not a bad number. Unfortunately it's one of those tunes that brings back memories of olive green shag rugs and my parents' cocktail parties. Every time this song came on the radio (CBS FM, all oldies, all the time), the whole gang of drunken hipster parents would sing and that one part That's whyyyyy I. Love. You. So. See, it had this staccato sort of thing going on and, well, drunken parents decked out in groovy clothes and bouffant hairdos drinking all kinds of fancy drinks is just frightening to a young child. Anyhow, congratulations to the Dells. [You can listen to part of Oh What a Night here, and find out more about the group here] Warning: Prince is next.

the devil made me do it

I couldn't help myself. Before you go off on bender about this, see this post for explanation. [click all for bigger images] McDonald's, in conjuction with Mel Gibson, is proud to present the Passion of the Christ Happy Meal! Cut out this cardboard Jesus mask to wear to the next showing of Passion! Of course, we've got toys. Gundam Pontious Pilate for boys and Barbie Mary Magdelane for girls! Don't forget to ask about our toys for kids under three - this week it's a Judas squeeze toy! Don't forget, with every meal you can purchase a station of the cross for only $1.99. Ronald guides you through all 14 stations with helpful annotations. Promotion starts next Friday. Bring in your Passion ticket stub for a free St. Simon Shake! I'll be waiting on the corner for the next bus to hell.

February 20, 2004

too much time on my hands

What do you do when you're bored on a Friday night. Why, you make up ridiculous designs for your site. I kind of like where it's going, though.

The Passion of Christ's Money Making Machine

I thought about going to see Passion of Christ. I've always been fascinated by the story of Jesus, plus I really want to see if the film is worth the press it has been getting. I was kind of giving Mel a pass until I actually saw the movie myself. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, almost admiring that the guy is so passionate about his faith and religion that he put his blood, sweat and tears into making Passion. Not to mention putting his reputation on the line. Scratch all that. Not only am I not going to see it, I would like to kick Mel Gibson in the nuts. I may be a former Catholic, but even my atheism can't stop that Catholic school kid that lurks deep inside of me from feeling offended about this:
Replicas of the nails used to hang Jesus on the cross have become the red-hot official merchandise linked to Mel Gibson's controversial new movie, "The Passion of the Christ." Pendants made from the pewter, 2 1/2-inch nails - selling for $16.99 - all but flew out of the Christian Publications Bookstore on West 43rd Street as soon as they were put on display. Hundreds of stores across the country will be selling licensed items tied to the movie, a graphically violent depiction of the last 12 hours of Christ's life, which opens next week on Ash Wednesday. The souvenirs include a book, pins, key chains, coffee mugs and T-shirts.
Ok, I know that movies make a lot of their money off of merchandise, but I keep having thoughts of Jesus cleaning out the temple and something just doesn't sit right with me about all this merchandising. I never thought the crucifix was such a great symbol for a religion, anyhow. As a child it frightened me, and not in the way my Catechism teachers intended for it to frighten me. Rather than feeling horror at the way Jesus died and giving thanks to him for getting nailed to the cross so I can be washed of my sins, it just repulsed me. Blood, thorns, suffering, pain....it didn't exactly make me embrace my religion. So now you can wear a replica of the nails that they drove through Christ's limbs around your neck. I'm going to hold onto my money and wait for the McDonald's promotion. Free Station of the Cross with every Happy Meal! Collect all fourteen! This week, it's Jesus Falls For the Second Time! I'm not parodying the death of Jesus, so stop writing the nasty email. I'm just finding the whole merchandise tie-in thing incredibly distasteful. A book, a poster, even a key chain...fine. Necklace nails and coffee mugs? Whore. I'm sticking to Jesus Christ, Superstar, thanks.

bald is beautiful

So I was killing time and took this test at Match.com, after finding the link over at Rob's place. Apparently, this is the kind of man that would make me shiver and shake. 5001-mbrb_01.jpg Looks nothing like my husband, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't hit it. Cause I would. If I weren't married and all.

it's only just begun

ri·val n. One who attempts to equal or surpass another, or who pursues the same object as another; a competitor. One that equals or almost equals another in a particular respect.
There is nothing that quite brings out our venom and sense of loyalty than a good rivalry. Charlie Brown v. Lucy. Optimus Prime v. Megatron. Carnivores v. PETA. Sports rivalries are on a whole other level, though. They go above and beyond the usual bumper sticker slogans and name calling. Sports rivalries can split families apart, doom marriages to failure and make parents disown their children. The Yankees and Red Sox have taken their notorious rivalry to new levels, thanks to their respective owners. John Henry, Red Sox owner: "We have a spending limit and the Yankees apparently don't. Baseball doesn't have an answer for the Yankees. Revenue sharing can only accomplish so much. At some point it becomes confiscation. It has not and it will not solve what is a very obvious problem." Yankees owner Steinbrenner:"We understand John Henry must be embarrassed, frustrated, and disappointed by his failure in this transaction," Steinbrenner said in a prepared statement. "Unlike the Yankees, he chose not to go the extra distance for his fans in Boston." Ouch. And this is all before spring training has even started. It's going to be one of those years when extra security will be present during Sox/Yankee games. It will become more than a baseball battle - it will be a battle between cities, Boston v. New York, the Big Apple v. Bean Town. Apples beat beans every time. Speaking as one who loves a nasty rivalry, the Sox/Yankees war is just a blip on the radar compared to other sports wars I've been involved in. My hatred for the Mets and most of their fans goes deeper and wider than any disdain I have for Boston baseball or its fans. If the Sox were to win the series, I would feel pain for a day or two and move on. But the Mets...they can never, ever win the World Series. Ever. I would sell my soul to Satan to make sure that never happened. Yes, we take it to an extreme. It's a bitter, nasty rivalry. You cannot enter my home wearing anything with the Mets logo on it. My daughter feels jinxed every time she sees the Mets symbol and goes through a complicated ritual of "de-cootiezing" herself when she does. My son barely acknowledges the team from Queens exists. And every single dinner table argument I have with my father has revolved around the Mets and Yankees. We taunt, we tease, we torture. And should anyone ever mention the '86 Mets around me, they will feel the force of the flying fist of rage. Oh, you think that's bad? You should have been around town in the early to mid 80's when the Islander /Ranger rivalry was so intense that roving gangs of Ranger fans used to challenge Island fan club members to gang fights in dark alleys. I swear, that really happened. I think the Hanson brothers were there, too. Seriously, it was a dangerous rivalry. So many fights would break out at games between the two teams that people stopped bringing their young children to those games. It was no better on the ice, where hundreds of penalty minutes were handed out each game, along with game misconducts and suspensions. We haven't had a good, intense rivalry in a while. The Rangers and Islanders both suck, so the deep desire to kill each other has waned. The Mets pretty much suck as well and it's only because of my father's love for that lame team that I've been able to keep that competition alive and kicking. But this year, oh this year is going to be fantastic. I'm already honing my rhyming skills so I can come up with some first rate Red Sox taunts. I've got my Big Book of Baseball Insults all highlighted and my voodoo dolls ready for those pins. Rivalries always stay with you - some of them just fade away to memories. I'll always hate Syracuse basketball, the Dallas Cowboys and Suge Knight. And some of them just get stronger as the years go on and the vemom ferments. This will be the greatest year of the Sox/Yankees rivalry. It will see the dawn of a new day in this east coast crisis, one that will make the days of Bucky Dent seem like an episode of Full House. Game on.

morning rush - trivia answers

Blogging later. Meanwhile, the answers to last night's quiz. How did you do?

February 19, 2004

One More Quiz

For tonight. It's a long one. I won't give you the URL where I got it from because I don't want you all cheating and looking at the answers. You can do them all, or just do some. Tomorrow I'll post the URL with the answers and you can grade your own test. Person with the most correct answers wins..hmm....a great deal of satisfaction. How's that? Ready? Get yourself into 80's mode - this quiz covers everything about that decade. TOUGH 80's Trivia 1) Who were Turbo and Ozone? 2) What bar did the gang from Three's Company always go to? 3) What was the last name of the man who adopted Webster? 4) Where were Willis and Arnold in Different Strokes from originally? 5) Name the two players chosen in the NBA draft before Michael Jordan. 6) Who were Ricky's three best friends in Silver Spoons? 7) What was Punky Brewster's dog's name? 8) Who did President Reagan beat when re-elected in 1984? 9) Who headed the PMRC and had many legal battles with Dee Snider of Twisted Sister? 10) Who sang "Too Shy"? 11) What was the largest selling album of the 80s? 12) Name three Weird Al Yankovic songs. 13) What year did Poison release their first album? 14) Whos legs did the ball go through on the Red Sox in game 6 of the 1986 World series? 15) What were the names of the 4 Ghostbusters (character names). 16) Name 3 members of the Kobra Kai. 17) School aged girls wore hundreds of these on their arms. 18) What happened to the "Ark" at the end of Indiana Jones? 19) Who was Ubu? 20) Nigel Tufnel and David St Hubbins were in this group. 21) The Pop group "Wham" consisted of George Michael and... 22) What was the original title of Return of the Jedi? 23) Who was Latka's other personality in the show "TAXI?" 24) Name all 5 members of the New Kids on the Block. 25) In the 80s, Steven Spielberg produced this Scifi/Action/Adventure/Mystery sitcom 26) Who played "The Incredible Hulk?" 27) What was the bears name in Grizzly Adams? 28) Who were the Duke Boys' Cousins? 29) Name the Concert in which music artists raised millions of dollars for famine relief in Ethiopia. 30) According to Prince, what was the name of "that shrink in Beverly Hills?" 31) What was the name of the burnout in Fast Times at Ridgemont High? 32) Who did Woody replace on Cheers? 33) Who played "The Greatest American Hero?" 34) What was the name of the McDonalds sandwich that kept "the hot hot and the cold cold?" 35) What was the first video ever aired on MTV and who sang it? 36) Who sang the song "I know what boys like?" 37) How many times did the Celtics face the Lakers in the NBA finals? Who won? 38) The "Brat Pack" consisted of: 39) Name 3 "Brat Pack" movies. 40) What was the name of the computer in the movie "War Games?" What game did it want to play? 41) What was the plumbers name in the show "One Day at a Time?" 42) Who was Khan? 43) How many sequels were there to "Jaws?" 44) Who was the leader of the Thundercats? 45) What cartoon did Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids watch all the time? 46) What was Balkie's catch phrase from the show "Perfect Strangers?" 47) Who were the two detectives that helped Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop? 48) These sneakers had little "pouches" on the side. 49) What was the toy "for a girl or a boy?" 50) These dolls were the most popular toy of the 80s. People fought over them in stores and they had a signature on their butts. 51) AIDS was originally called. 52) Who teamed up with Hulk Hogan to fight Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff in Wrestlemania? 53) What kind of car fell into the water in Risky Business and what color was it? 54) What did the old woman in the Wendys commercial say throughout the 80s? 55) Sing the chorus to the theme song of Growing Pains. 56) Name the family members from Family Ties. 57) What was Scooby Doo's favorite food? 58) What kind of pants were good for Break-dancing. 59) What were the rules for keeping a Gremlin? 60) What show featured "Rerun" and "Roger?" 61) What food was "Crispy Chewy?" 62) What year did David Lee Roth get booted from Van Halen? 63) What was V66? 64) In the show "He-man", what was the name of Skeletors castle? 65) Name one song by Samantha Fox. 66) What replaced the shoelace for a while in the 80s? 67) Who won more regular season MVP awards: Larry Bird or Magic Johnson? Who won more titles? 68) What was ET's favorite candy? 69) Did Richie Cunningham have a brother? 70) Eddie Murphy had two comedy specials. Name them. 71) If Richard Prior spent 30 million dollars in a month with nothing to show for it, how much would he receive and in what movie was this? 72) What song did Tom Hanks play on the Foot Piano in the movie "Big?" 73) Who was the bounty hunter that brought Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt? 74) What was Pepsi with no caffeine called? 75) Name the 4 ghosts in Pac-Man. 76) Name all the sweathogs. 77) What are three rumours you have heard about Ozzy Osbourne. 78) What was the character name of the little boy in Mr. Belvedere? 79) What happened when you reached 1,000,000 points in Asteroids? 80) What was the last name of the family in National Lampoon's Vacation? 81) Name both of Jack Tripper's landlords and his best friend from downstairs? 82) What is the name of the drummer for Bon Jovi? 83) What was Bill Cosby's name on the Cosby Show? 84) Who was the unknown stuntman that made Eastwood such a star? 85) Who sang the song "Toy Soldiers?" 86) What Television station did Rosie O'donnell work for? 87) Finish the following line: "Well the world don't move to the beat of just one drum" 88) What was the last name of the villians in the movie "The Goonies?" 89) Name 2 of the members from Boston that played on Third Stage. 90) Name three people from the Legion of Doom aside from Lex Luthor. 91) Which band never opened for Van Halen: A) Journey B) Dokken C) Ozzy Osbourne 92) What was the only year in the 1980s that the New England Patriots played in the Superbowl? 93) What was the name of Men At Work's first album? 94) What was the name of the son on Sanford and Son? 95) What year did Kiss take off their make up? 96) What was the name of the guardian on "The Facts of Life?" 97) Who took Pee Wee Herman's bike? 98) Name both wrestlers of the tag team "The Killer Bees." 99) What movie was both Mr T and Hulk Hogan in and what were their character names? 100) What line did Cyndi Lauper sing in We Are the World? 101) What planet was Alf from? 102) What was Jim McMahon's line from the Superbowl Shuffle? 103) Name five Smurfs. 104) What criminal lost the election for Michael Dukakis? 105) Who produced a stainless-steel sports car? 106) What snack was always on Reagan's desk?

my kingdom for a sneaker

My son has a request. Well, two. If anyone has guitar tabs to Simple Plan's cover of Happy Together, please let me know. Also, he is driving me crazy trying to find a pair of the AFI skate shoes that Vans put out as a limited edition. I know that some stores still have them - all my local stores and online quests have come up empty. Boys, size 1 1/2, if you happen to see them. I'll give you a finder's fee. A big one.

Little Metal Man

I took the son to Best Buy today so he could use up those gift cards that were burning a hole in his pocket. If you remember, he got a guitar (bought with the money GWB sent me for having a kid). Last week, he bought his second guitar, a sleek, black Ibanez, and a Marshall amp with money he saved from Christmas and his birthday. And headphones. Headphones a must. He's been getting lessons and he's getting pretty good. I've never seen him really put so much effort into a hobby. And the best thing about the guitar is his new appreciation of guitar talent. He doesn't just listen to songs now. He listens. You know what I mean. And his CD collection is slowly evolving from four chord standard punk to more complex music. His take from Best Buy today included CDs from Yngwie Malmsteen and The Darkness. Right now he's in his room playing along to some early Van Halen. It's a nice change from all that whiny emo crap he's been listening to. I have my sister and her husband to thank for DJ's interest in the classics of guitar stardom. They are grooming him for something, I just don't know what. So, basically, this post was just a warning to my sister: He can listen to Van Halen. He can listen to Maiden. And I'll give you Dokken and The Scorpions. But he is not - I repeat, NOT - going to be turned into a junior version of your husband. You will not brainwash my son into being a hair metal junkie. I won't allow it. The first strains of Poison I hear coming out of his room, and your rights as an aunt are being revoked. That's not a warning, it's a threat. The threat is real!

The Big E

It's been over three months since I gave up my left-bashing, Indymedia and DU trolling, Ted Rall bitchslapping, Mark Morford fisks and general venomous writing. It felt good then, it feels good now. It's like having a tumor removed. But it seems like no matter what I do, I get bashed by someone. I give up making fun of Barbra Steisand and Sean Penn, I get called a pussy. I write about gay marriage, the conservatives jump on me. I write about voting for Bush, the liberals jump on me. This isn't really a complaint, mind you. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. And for every rude, obnoxious email or comment I get, there are two good ones. Point? Yes, I have one. The next 48 hours are controversy free. No politics, no elections, no religion, no lifestyle choices, no Red Sox bashing. Which leaves you with 48 hours - maybe more - of nothing but music, gaming, comics, kids and movies. And other assorted stuff. I'm just cleansing my system of all the negative vibes and angst. Think of it as a blogging enema.

Horrible Quote of the Day

File Under "People Who Should Get Fired" University of Colorado football coach Gary Barnett*, upon learning that former placekicker Katie Hnida was raped while she was on the his football team: You know what guys do, they respect your ability. Katie was a girl, and not only was she a girl, she was terrible, OK? There's no other way to say it.She couldn't kick the ball through the uprights. Don't even start on how she was a terrible player. Yea, she sucked. What the hell does that have to do with her being raped by her teammates? Did the Yankees all gang-bang Chuck Knoblauch because he was error-prone? Jumpinjesus, man. What balls. Fire his ass. Now. [via Atrios and the Balloon guy. *corrected from earlier post

link o the day

I found my new favorite blog. If you're looking for me, I'll be buried in his archives all day.

all filler, no killer, v.235

You asked, you get. A lot of you were disappointed in your scores on the 80's quiz yesterday, but cited cultural differences as the reason for your failing grade. That is, you don't really like 80's new wave. So, in the interest of fairness, quizzes for everyone. My score in parentheses. # Heavy Metal Albums (10/15) # Power Ballads (8/15) # Sing-a-long With the 60's (12/15) # Album titles - '70-'79 (10/10) # Lyrics - '80-'89 (8/10) I could do this all day, but I can't. Give me your scores or leave a link to any other quizzes you find.

i now pronounce you arrogant

I've been called a far-right conservative by people who don't take the time to look before they label. Then when I refute that label, I get all kinds of grief from people who are far-right conservatives, wondering why I go to such lengths to distance myself from them. Here's why. The author of that weblog, Adam Yoshida, is just another in a long line of people who want the whole world to fit their version of morality and have a refusal to try to understand people who don't fit into that mold. I don't know what makes Adam stand out from all the others; perhaps because I was directed to his posts on gay marriage at a time when the whole gay marriage issue is making me grind my teeth in frustration. He makes a lot of assertions about gay people and issues on his blog. He is obviously against gay marriage and against people being gay at all; it's an affront to his moral sensibilities. Which is all well and good - different strokes for different folks. But it's not his long, statistics-filled posts that irk me so. It's the short ones like this: A Thought What would people say if an Earthquake devastated San Francisco tomorrow? I wonder and some of his statements in his own comments that make my stomach turn. He - and some of his readers - slip into that zone where oppontents of gay marriage huddle and make up horror stories about people marrying their dogs and having 50 wives. Which leads me to pose a question or two to those who oppose gay marriage and are having heart failure over the San Francisco marriages: Did the sun rise in the east this morning? Is spring still going to follow winter? Laws of gravity still intact? Red still means stop and green means go? Is time still going forwards? The rivers still running? The mountains still standing? If you answered yes to all of those questions then your world is still the same. The fact that two lesbians from California got married yesterday had no effect on your life whatsover. In fact, if it wasn't reported in the papers, you wouldn't have even known about it. How does the fact that Jim is getting married to Joe today effect you? Will it destroy your own family life? If so, then you have problems that gay people have nothing to do with. Are you going to lose your job over it? Is your church going to fold up its tent and give in to Satan? Is the planet going to implode? Hardly. Your day to day life will still be the same. While Mary and Melissa happily snuggle on the couch watching a movie and enjoying married life, you will still be watering your lawn and fixing dinner and kissing your kids goodnight. So what business is it of yours what Mary and Melissa are doing? What right do you have to interfere in their love life, to tell them who they can and can't marry? Why do you feel your government can tell them they have no right to live together as one, with all the benefits befitting a married couple? I don't want to start an argument on the slippery slope that gay marriages will take us down, i.e., marrying your dog or you He-Man figure or your ten sisters. Those arguments have been taken apart already by people far better than I at explaining why they are so much bullshit. The only thing I want to know is, how the hell does Jim and Joe's marriage effect you and why is it your business? And why do people like Adam Yoshida think that their religion-tainted view of gay people being the root of all evil should be the view of everyone. Do unto others, right? Would you want others to wish death on you because they don't like your view of morality? So frustrating.

February 18, 2004

that's my idol

Whew. Those 5,325 votes I placed for Matt paid off!

If, when, why, what?

If those lyrics are familiar to you, try this quiz. 13 out of 15.

High School Poetry: Things that should have been burned a long time ago

Last week or so I wrote about going through all my boxes of papers and crap while trying to pack up our house for the move. If you remember, I found some high school poetry of mine. And I promised some people that I would post them.

You get one for starters. If you don't make fun of me too harshly, I may post the others.

I have no idea what I was thinking when I wrote this. It's called Family Secrets, but as far as I can remember my family never had a secret that would cause me to write these words down. I do remember writing it, though. The Olivetti was on a real school desk (the old wooden kind with the names scratched into the dark wood - I don't remember where we got it from), and the desk was right in front of my bedroom window, which looked out into the front yard. It was snowing and the Dire Straits' Sultans of Swing was on the radio, which was most likely tuned to WNEW 102.7. The song and the band were fairly new, which would place the writing of this poem in winter, 1978, making me 16 years old.

What once escaped you
Now is tangled inside
You found the bones
We all tried to hide
A braided rug
of secrets and shame
how did it find you?
who told it your name?
you know there's danger
in being weak
but you can't be accused
if you do not speak
you feign worry and sadness
and squeeze out some tears
while ballads play softly
in only your ears
don't ignore it
it won't run away
like the rain it comes back
another day
if you knew all this time
you would still be a fool
enforcing your own
dark golden rule
pretend there's no rage
pretend you don't care
prove your ignorance
of the whole affair
it's not your guilt
to carry around
and it's not your troubles
that you found
let's put all those burdens
where they belong
but whose shoulders
could be that strong?
he sits far away
while we all feel his guilt
peering over
the wall that he built
when the rug is unravelled
we'll all get a string
to choke ourselves with
to strangle this thing


This was so horrible to relive.

jesus christ pose

The Polyphonic Spree: One part Rev. Jim Jones reincarnated as Scott Stapp and one part cast of Godspell. I just wish that damn song wouldn't make me feel so....happy. I need heavy doses of Iron Maiden to counteract it. Just follow the day and reach for... It won't stop. The earplugs, they do nothing!

The truth behind the Disney/Muppet Deal

Orlando, Florida - The Walt Disney Company announced yesterday that it has acquired the Muppets from the Jim Henson Company. While this is a boost to Disney's sagging empire, not everyone was thrilled about. "I can't believe they would just sell us off like that," said a tearful Kermit. "Most of us had no-trade clauses in our contract, but I guess selling us off like garage sale items didn't fall under that clause." Kermit said the hardest part about leaving the Henson company will be leaving behind his friends at 123 Sesame Street. "I'm going to really miss that Snuffleupagus." Miss Piggy was also seen crying, but ran to her dressing room and slammed the door when I tried to get a statement from her, but Sam the Eagle was all too eager to give his opinion. "The Disney guys are trying to be the Yankees of the entertainment world, just buying up talent instead of growing it from within. Roy Disney is Steinbrenner and the rest of the industry are just the Milwaukee Brewers." And, just like the Yankee fans wondering who will really be playing third base Jeter or A-Rod, when spring training starts, Muppet fans are left wondering what role their favorites will play in the Disney lineup. Wonder no more. A source inside the Disney studios managed to leak out a memo that details the plans for Kermit and company.
To: All Disney Programming Execs From: Sir Eisner Re: Placement of Muppet Characters Guys, Now that we bought this pile of fur, we need to find something to do with it. I really just bought the Muppets to scare off Comcast. I heard the CEO is afraid of puppets. Anyhow, we got 'em, so let's use 'em. We'll spread them out among all of our holdings; ABC, Mirimax, ESPN - the whole show. Here are some of my ideas. I welcome changes and suggestion. Hah. Fooled you. No I don't. What I say goes, so get busy. Animal Three words: Pulp Fiction sequel. Nobody really likes Travolta. Sam the Eagle - He's interchangeable with Sam Donaldson. Really, have you noticed how much they look alike? Donaldson can take a vacation or whatever he calls it when he checks into the mental health ward. Waldorf & Statler - They'll do the red carpet show at the Academy Awards. You think Triumph is funny? Wait 'til you get a load of these guys. Canada will think they got off lucky. Sure, we'll make some enemies, but isn't that what the Disney Company is all about? Alienating people? Rizzo - Say hello to the new starting center for the Anahiem Mighty Ducks. Kermit - Welcome Kermie to the Monday Night Football broadcast booth. Smarter than Dennis Miller and less annoying than John Madden. Piggy - Bachelorette, anyone? And we'll use celebrities as the bachelors. Someone see what Adam Baldwin is up to. I'm sure he could use the money. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem - House band for Jimmy Kimmel Live. Not only is Dr. Teeth better lookinig than Kimmel, he's got more personality in his felt mustache than Kimmel has in his whole body. And I bet that felt mustache has seen more action, too. While we're at it, let's just fire Kimmel and give the whole show over to Dr. Teeth and Animal. These puppets might be useful for something after all. Fozzie - The new Iron Chef, live from China: Wokka Wokka Wokka! (Here I am, Fozzie Bear, to cook you steaks both well and rare!)
Meanwhile, PETA has released a statement condeming the selling of the muppets, saying, "The traffickign of animals for fun and profit is reprehensible. We demand that Piggy and Kermit be allowed to seek employment wherever they wish, instead of being treated like property." To which Piggy replied, "Kiss my fatty ass, PETA. I'm going to marry Adam Baldwin."

am i evil?

Yes I am. Well, some people think so, anyhow. I guess that picture of Hillary as the Dem candidate in 2004 gave some of you nightmares or cold sweats or possibly induced vomiting. Sorry. Am I evil? Don't blame this one on me. Allah practically begged me to post it, and one always obeys a deity. He looks good, eh? Not as good as this sweet babe, though. Yea, I'd hit it. I wouldn't vote for him, but I'd do him. Am I evil? Not as evil as my old friend Choire. What could be the worst thing unleashed on the internet? What could possibly be worse than BADGERBADGERMUSHROOM? Flash porn starring Hillary Clinton and Karl Rove? The Dave Winer for president movement? I can't imagine that there's something that hasn't been on the internet yet. This doesn't count. Neither does this. Ring of Fire is not about hemorrhoids, asswipes. That's your morning roundup.

February 17, 2004


Dean drops out after tonight and throws his support to Edwards. Deans supporters follow suit and Edwards ends up winning more primaries than Kerry the rest of the way. And we still end up with a brokered convention and this nightmare.


Too many people telling me "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I didn't know so many of you were attached to this design. So it stays. To be honest, the urge to change was just a PMS thing. I'm much better now.

a template, a template! my kingdom for a template!

Some days you just can't do anything right. All I wanted was a two column template, centered, with wide margins on each side. Kind of like this. Not that design, but that layout. And I'm torn between doing a cheesy sci-fi robot theme, or a music theme. I should be packing up boxes. Or cooking dinner. What I should not be doing is screaming at the computer "my kingdom for a two column layout with a header!" I think I should realize by now that it's not something I can do myself and I'll have to download the html/css from somewhere else. Or start with a new MT templated. Whichever. Anyhow. Sorry for the complete lack of anything interesting today. Just one of those days when the mind wants a little respite.


[Saying nothing in millions of words: writing when you can't get your writing mojo going] My god. I started about twenty blog entries today, all of a serious nature, and I just could not get my mind going. They all got off to a rousing start and then crash-landed somewhere around the third paragraph. Meanwhile, I received a few suggestions on my attempt to rip off someone else's meme - which in its own right was ripped off from someone else - and make a blog board game, just for the sole purpose of including myself, seeing as that I was not included in the other one, save for a Chance card that said something about my boobs. Not the way I want to be immortalized, guys! A couple of people suggested Talisman which, after some Googling, I discovered looks just like Magic the Gathering, a game I don't understand, don't want to and wish would go away because every Saturday when I go to the comic store, I can't get to the back issues because there are 5,000 kiddies (most of them over the age of 20) playing Magic. But that all led me to thinking about the comic book store, which made me think about action figures, which gave me an idea to have blogger action figures. Has that been done already? I hope not. Like many of my other ideas, this one will probably start and sputter and start again, until a year from now, it finally gets put together and posted, only to have the idea be obsolete at that point, because half the bloggers I used have left the building. Ok, I'm going to cast hit movies with bloggers. No, I'm going to rewrite Little Women with bloggers! No, no. I think I'll just give up the idea all together and go work on the design that would not become reality. I'm thinking color this time. Been black and white and sometimes red too many times. Two columns, a header and lots of color. Or maybe I'll just start blogging by hand, with a paper and pen, and just scan the posts. Maybe I'll go have another cup of coffee and think this whole thing over.

a g-g-g-g-ghost! (and a QOD*)

Very busy at work today, but still finding time to write a paragraph here and there on my great work on religion and atheism entitled I Do Believe in Ghosts! So help me out here while I have no time for lengthy blogging. I've got a question of the day for you. Actually, a multi-part question. Do you believe in spirits, the paranormal or otherworldy entities? Can one believe in those things and still be an atheist? Have you ever had a paranormal experience? Share please. *I used to have a QOD section and I let it go. I think I may bring it back, in the form of a message board. Yah?

dig the new digs

While I run off to work, you can go check out the new design at Late Final; Ed was smart and used Sekimori talent. This blog has seen many a Sekimori design, but I wanted to try to work something out on my own (this current design is my own as well). Don't worry, I'm not using the crappy design I posted last night. I have something else in mind. Later: religion, domestic disturbance, righting wrongs and Maddux. Not all at the same time.


I've been sitting here for hours trying to come up with a new design. This is what I ended up with. It may or may not be used. Like it? Hate it? We could make this a group decision. But don't criticize without offering some alternative suggestions! I'm going to see CSS code in my sleep. I know it. Eh. I just looked at it again. I'm not feeling it.

February 16, 2004

The value of one link (and why I'm really not liking the A-Rod deal as much as you think)

File under what the hell?
The Yankees had to add value to the contract for the union to approve it, and they did so in two ways: They guaranteed Rodriguez a suite on the road, a perk the Yankees almost never allow, and gave Rodriguez permission to link his Web site to the Yankees' team site.
Found here [via DJ] where one commenter said: ...[O]n a related note- part of the reason the Red Sox weren't able to sign Rodriguez was due to the fact that they refused to allow him to use their brand (jersey) in his endorsements deals... See my previous post about A-Rod. Things like this is what I was talking about. While the deal made me all smiles for about 24 hours, it's starting to sink in now and, minus the gloating factor, I'm not liking it. I'm all about a happy clubhouse and megalomaniac divas who view baseball as a way to market themselves so they can retire at an early age surrounded by thousand dollar bills do not make for happy clubhouses. Yea, I live in a fantasy world where athletes play sports because they love the sport they play.

no boobies for you!

After letting Aaron hang for a couple of days, I decided to go ahead and be nice to him. After all, he did make this neat card for me when I complained that I was left out of his Blogopoly board. CC2-ASM.jpg In fact, Aaron made cards and playing pieces for many people and you should go check them out. I think if you write something snarky about his attempt at sucking up and then link him, he'll make you a piece, too. Now, I was never a big fan of Monopoly. So I was wondering what blog versions of other board games would look like. And then I realized there are really no other board games that would work. I thought about Operation, with Atrios as the guy on the hospital table, and the rest of us pulling out his various body parts. Works for me. I really couldn't come up with anything clever and I just wanted to make a gratuitous post to Aaron's blog out of my sense of duty to people who make references to my boobs.

I'm going to stop being an ass, now

I've already said as much in other people's comments, but I'll say it here as well. I'm putting a moratorium on the A-Rod gloating posts. The thing is, I don't even like the guy all that much. I think he's just another in a long line of money-hungry (how can a guy who makes that much still be money hungry?) players who don't give a crap about the fans or the integrity of the game. I think it's going to be an interesting mix in the locker room come spring. I'm going to be miss Soriano, I'm a big fan of his. And Edward tells me that there are rumors Soriano may get traded to Boston. It would break my heart to see him in a Sox uniform. Yea, this is a good deal for the Yanks overall. It will be a better deal if Jeter steps up like a man and says he'll make the switch to third instead of making A Rod play third. It's not like Jeter is the world's greatest shortstop to begin with. So, I'm done with the gloating. It's probably going to come back to bite me in the ass eventually, anyhow. I hope Allah still loves me.

george's deal with satan finally pays off

nmygloatingwillcomebacktobi.jpg It's official.

nothing to fear but the fearmakers

The New York Police Department, working with city health officials, federal authorities and other agencies, has been preparing for a possible attack with nuclear, biological or chemical weapons, perhaps the most daunting threat facing municipalities in a post-9/11 world. A post-9/11 world. The world is a different place since then, despite the protestations of those who would have you believe that any fear, any preparation for disaster, any rumblings of threats and flight cancellations are just figments of the president's imagination; dreams and scenarios thought up by men in dark suits in enclosed rooms whose job it is to scare Americans into submission. And while the post 9/11 world is different, it's only because the fear is different. There has always been a certain climate of fear that hovered over America. The big, bad wolf lurked everywhere and we were all afraid of him, to answer the nursery rhyme question. The wolf was Cold War, the Cuban missile crisis, air raid drills. The Russians were the biggest wolves of all and every person who didn't pledge to the flag with fervor was a potential commie and spy. The wolf was evident in the fear of a push-button war; one push of some glowing red button in a world leader's office and planet earth would be nothing but a huge mushroom cloud. We tiptoed around other countries. We lived in a world where we were walking down a dark alley at night and the only thing we could see was the shadow of the wolf, long and sinister. Fear is nothing new. It's the type of fear that's new. Where we used to be afraid of missiles and bombs, we are now afraid of invisible agents of destruction; lethal doses of gasses or diseases spread into our air. We are afraid of white powders and radiation. We are afraid of "martyrs" dressed in explosives. New decade, new fears. Fear was not invented by the Bush administration, as much as Al Gore would like you to believe that. Gore gave a speech recently about fear and all but claimed that Bush invented the word and meaning on September 12, 2001. I found the link to Gore's speech via Jeff Jarvis, and I am going to quote the same passage Jeff did:
We are meeting, moreover, in a city that has itself been forced to learn how to conquer terror. And because we are gathered very close to ground zero, we should of course begin our deliberations with a moment of respect and remembrance for those who died on 9/11 and for those who have been bereaved. Terrorism, after all, is the ultimate misuse of fear for political ends. Indeed, its specific goal is to distort the political reality of a nation by creating fear in the general population that is hugely disproportionate to the actual danger the terrorists are capable of posing. That is one of the reasons it was so troubling last week when the widely respected arms expert David Kay concluded a lengthy and extensive investigation in Iraq for the Bush administration with these words: "We were all wrong." The real meaning of Kay's devastating verdict is that for more than two years, President Bush and his administration have been distorting America's political reality by force-feeding the American people a grossly exaggerated fear of Iraq that was hugely disproportionate to the actual danger posed by Iraq. How could that happen? Could it possibly have been intentional?
Let's put aside for the moment that I don't think the danger posed by Iraq was exaggerated at all. Let's revisit the sentences a few paragraphs above that: Terrorism, after all, is the ultimate misuse of fear for political ends. Indeed, its specific goal is to distort the political reality of a nation by creating fear in the general population that is hugely disproportionate to the actual danger the terrorists are capable of posing. So, the terrorists are not capable of blowing up buildings and killing thousands of innocent people in one swoop? They're not capable of flying planes into government buildings? Disproportionate? They already did those things! How could he say they are not capable of them when they already happened? Pardon me for being amazed at the set of balls on Gore, but I'm of the mind that he - and his entire group of anti-Bush crusaders - are distorting the political reality of this country by downplaying the danger that terrorists are capable of posing. And, like Jeff Jarvis says, they are creating more fear than anyone else. Let's reword that paragraph: Terrorism, after all, is the ultimate misuse of fear for political ends. Indeed, its specific goal is to distort the political reality of a nation by creating fear in the general population that is hugely disproportionate to the actual danger the current administration is capable of posing. If you vote for Bush, the world will end! All our money will disappear, we will be poor and famished and the sun will be blotted from the sky. We will go to war with every single nation on earth and our homeland security is so inept that the war on terrorism is failing and we are in danger of..... Hold on. The mantra of the Gore Bunch is: the Bush administration is creating a fear of future terrorism that does not exist, yet they are not doing enough about the future possible terrorist attacks on this country. And, while you're at it, you should fear Bush, who is actually the big, bad wolf in disguise, fear him with every fiber of your being because if you don't fear him and you vote for him, the country will be ruled by....fear. That's like having your kid tell you he's afraid of the monster in his closet and he needs a bedtime story, so you read him The Boy Who Was Eaten by the Monster in his Closet. I am afraid. I am afraid of terrorism and I welcome whatever Bush has done to combat it, even if some of those tactics infringe a bit on my freedoms. I'll wait an extra hour or two at the airport if it means that we are being more careful about what people can bring on planes. I'm afraid of suicide bombers and countries with nuclear capabilities. I'm afraid of radical muslim factions and rebellious groups hell bent on destroying my freedoms. Sure, I was afraid of some of those things pre-9/11, but I am more scared now than before. Is that because of Bush? No. It's because the threat really exists. I don't need the president to tell me that Saddam was a danger to society. I don't need a State of the Union speech to help me learn that suicide bombers exist. Ask the people whose relatives died in Bali if they think the situation is overrated. Bush did not put this fear into me. My fear goes back to the cold war, back to the days when the sirens would sound I had to crouch under my school desk and hope it was just a drill. My fear goes back to the Munich Olympics, to hijacked planes and to hostages held in Tehran; to the first WTC bombing, to the USS Cole. And my fear is not just of foreign enemies striking at us. I learned many years ago that the biggest perpetrators of mind-terror in the United States are those that oppose fighting terrorism with force. There are those, like Al Gore, who would rather see us downplay the dangers of our enemies. They tell you not to be afraid of those groups of "militants" and "insurgents," but to be afraid of our own leaders. That is dangerous ground to be walking. Rather than face the reality of the political world, they would have us believe that Bush purposely created this whole fear of terrorism thing as a way to control us, to prod us into voting for him because he's hard on terror. That school of thought is more dangerous to our general well being as a nation than is any orange alert. Who are the real fear-mongers here? To quote Mr. Gore, Terrorism, after all, is the ultimate misuse of fear for political ends. Welcome to the new breed of terrorists, then: Kerry, Dean and all the others who run for office on the platform that we should fear our current president, fear the current war on terror, go running out into the streets with your torches and meat cleavers and chase the big, bad wolf out of town! Too bad that guy they're chasing is the only thing standing between us and the real terrorists.

February 15, 2004

long day's night

Been out all day, most of the night. Birthdays, birthdays everywhere and too much cake to eat. So, I'm ready for a new design. I tend to keep designs only a month at a time and this one has been up longer than that. I can't decide on where I want the design to go; a celebration of classic rock and vinyl records or a full-on 80's new wave theme? Maybe a food theme? I think I did the action figure thing already. Movies? Cartoons? I keep coming back to something with old concert handbills and a ska-type decor. Suggestion box is open. I'm going to find some Tums and a pillow.

Happy Birthday, Natalie

hapbdn.jpgHow did this little girl get to be 14 years old? She was barely three when that picture was taken, yet I remember taking the photo as if it were just this year. Fourteen. I can't get my mind around that. Thirteen was okay; that's still almost a little kid. But fourteen is different. It's boyfriends and high school and another stretch of the tenous cord that binds us together. When you are about to have a baby, anyone who has faced parenthood before you will tell you one truth among all the horror stories and old wives tales: tempus fugit. You nod your head and smile when they tell you this because you know it's just a cliché, just one in a long line of clichés that parents of grown kids feel the need to pass on to new mothers. But oh, how right they are. Believe it when they tell you that time goes so fast your head will spin. Everything goes by in a blur; trying to recapture all the moments is like trying to catch all the scenery on a car trip while you're doing 80mph. Vroom. Swooosh. Firststepstoilettrainingnurseryschoollongdivisionpubertyhighschool. When she was crawling, I wished that she would walk. When she was walking, I wished she would stay still. When all she could do was cry, I wished she could talk. Now I wish she would just stay quiet for ten seconds at a time. When she was four, I couldn't wait until she was older so we could stay up late drinking tea while she told me about her first date. Now, I wish she was four again. I want to go back in time and learn to let the days linger. Take more walks, sing more lullabyes, spend less time trying to get her to eat string beans and more time pushing the stroller along the boardwalk. I want to savor the little girl with the sweet smile who used to laugh in her sleep. I recount her life in cultural phases; Barney, Power Rangers, Rugrats, N'Sync, American Idol and everything in between. Now it's punk rock and black clothes and her hair hanging in front of her face. I used to be able to put bows in her hair and shop in the Disney store for the cutest outfits. Now I'm not part of her clothing decisions. I drop her and her friends off by Hot Topic and they're on their own, with their cell phones and earned money and boys. I complain about her a lot. After all, she is a teenage girl and they tend to be somewhat melodramatic, whiny and petulant. It comes with the territory. I take the few moments in between the tantrums and seemingly endless phone calls and savor them. She tells me things; she confides in me and lets me in on most of the gossip going around school. I pay attention to her tone and her body language and I know from the way she talks that I can trust her; she knows right from wrong, she knows good kids from bad kids, she knows what will get her grounded and what won't. I trust her, yes. But do I trust myself? Did I spend the past fourteen years giving her enough guidance? Have I let her learn her own lessons and fight her own battles often enough so that she can get through the jungle of high school with her self-esteem intact? No other birthday of hers has found me in such a melancholy mood. Ten made me feel old. Thirteen made me feel like she was old. But this one, it makes me nervous. There's more than a year difference between thirteen and fourteen; there's a wide chasm that kids marking this birthday jump over. Once they reach the other side they belong less to you and more to the world and you can only hope that you've made the bridge between you and your child strong enough so they can come back to you whenever they want; for a hug, for guidance, for cash. It does go so, so fast. It's not just a saying. See that picture up there? It was taken at my mother's house. We were trying to get a good photo for a Christmas card and that's the one we ended up using. She had on black pants and red socks and her little black boots were on the ledge by the fireplace. She was a sport through it all - I think we shotn two rolls of film - and we kept her happy by playing a continuous loop of Disney sing-along tapes on the VCR. She had pizza bagels for lunch and fell asleep for a nap soon after we were done. I remember all those details because it just happened yesterday. It feels like it did, anyhow. The moments between that day and today may have come and gone at 80 miles an hour, but I have a snapshot for each one. It's the only way to slow time down. Pictures, videos, memories. Hold them all dear because one day they are sleeping soundly in a crib and the next they're getting a job and you need something to keep track of all the days in between. Happy birthday, Natalie. We love you.

February 14, 2004

life is like a box of movies

Karaoke for movie buffs:
The brainchild of film-fanatic Anastasia Fite, Movieoke is just what it sounds like: a chance for those brave enough to take over from Robert De Niro in his "You talkin' to me?" monologue in "Taxi Driver," or to strut their stuff alongside Ben Stiller in "Zoolander." ... Guests select a specific scene from a movie that is then projected onto a big screen, while a monitor in front of them shows the scene along with subtitled dialogue.
My life, with a movie screen. I know of many people who are afflicted with the same sickness as me; one that causes you to break out a movie quote for every occasion. Now we can act out whole scenes! So, in the spirit of weekend fluff posting, I ask the question: If you were going to act out a scene from any movie, what movie/scene would it be and which part would you play?

presented without commentary.

The Yankees and Rangers have an agreement in principle on a monster trade that will send superstar shortstop Alex Rodriguez to New York in exchange for Alfonso Soriano, Newsday has learned.
No announcement is expected today, as a couple very minor technical details are still to be worked out. However, all sides remain confident everything will be finalized within a few days, a source said.
Sweeeeeeeeeeeet. like i stated before, this is more like a "fuck you, boston" kind of sweet. it's not really a good move, considering the yanks still don't have any pitching and february is half over.

from me to you

Of course I made a card for you! Did you think I wouldn't? It's hand-made, you know. I spent a lot of time on it. And it's especially for you. That's right, you! card1.jpg So will you be my valentine?

Valentine #2: On the Rebound

[click for bigger]

When cupid knocks at your door, you can't ignore

Today is all Valentine, all the time. Not in the time-honored sense of Valentine's Day, but in any way I see fit to recognize the day that is both loved and loathed. My first Valentine goes out to all my Boston homies. arod.jpg [You didn't hear? Click the image for the news. Hearts made possible by Acme Heart Maker]

February 13, 2004

do you want to play a game? (lyrics version)

Total lack of posting today. Still feeling the mono. So, open thread here. Following my posting of random 80's song lyrics last night, you could do the same. Sort of a Guess Song By Lyrics game, except you both give the lyrics and guess the lyrics that other people leave. Got it? Good. No guest login today, just use the comments. And no freaking Sister Christian lyrics or I will rip your balls off. And I say balls, knowing who the Night Ranger culprits always are. I have to rest up so I can go out for a nice huge piece of medium rare dead cow tonight, washed down with about five pints of Killian's Red. Have fun, turn off the lights when you leave and behave. [Don't forget to check out all the entries from the George Lucas is a Fuckwad poetry contest. You're all winners in my heart.]

bring out your dead!

I've been going through my piles of papers and other assorted junk in an effort to get rid of half of my baggage before the big move. I've already thrown out three Heft bags filled with receipts, newsletters, greeting cards and just plain garbage that I had saved for no apparent reason. I did come across some interesting things I forgot I had; a journal I kept the first month of my daughter's life, some poems I wrote in high school, and this: [click for an incredibly large image] Now, at first glance, you may not know what this is (it's actually two separate sheets of paper combined in one image). But if you read this story and do a little Googling about dates and names, you may be able to figure it out. That's my "wintess" signature on the left (married last name blocked out for various reasons). If you think this is worthless junk, wait until I post all my high school poetry!

I've been profiled!

By Norm, that is. Following in the footsteps of bloggers much bigger and better than myself, I am profiled in today's edition of Norm's weekly foray into the minds of men. And women. Thanks for the opportunity, Norm!

February 12, 2004

"Damn... watch the beat!"

[This post brought to you by the "Please don't leave that picture of Hillary at the top of your page all night" email committee.] You snatch tune, you a match a cigarette, She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She’s filing her nails while they’re dragging the lake Once a lifetime, twice a day if you don't work you get no pay I been to the east been to the west But the girls I like most are the ones undressed Don't just sit there on your ass Unlock that funky chaindance Brothers, sisters shoot your best We don't need this fascist groove thang And birds might fall from black skies, And bullies might give you black eyes, And busses might skid on black ice, But to me it's very very beautiful Only came outside to watch night fall with the rain I heard you making patterns rhyme like Some new romantic looking for the TV sound I'll see you're right some other time love Waking up at 6 a.m. on a cool warm morning Opening the windows and breathing in petrol An amateur band rehearsing in a nearby yard Watching the tele and thinking about your holidays Hey, honest to goodness girl, I'd kiss you with the lips of the lord. But to be honest to goodness, i feel i have to wait for the word. And everytime that whistle blows, i'm stranded in my shoes. I can't go out to the store I'll just wait till my mother buys more I'll just have wheat thins and beer If I get sick, the toilet is near I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything but then again I was thinking about nothing And then my mom came in and I didn't even know she was there she called my name and I didn't even hear it, and then she started screaming MIKE! MIKE! You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt And I’m hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you And that’s worse It's not the end, No it's not the end

about that kerry leak

Inside job. [click for supersize] That ought to give you nightmares.

on special request: Electioneering, v.2

[In light of all the political mud slinging and name calling of late, I present a repeat, by request of Stephen. Slightly modified and updated. Original (from 10/3/03)here.] Everyone stop. Nobody write another word on Kerry and his touchy-feely hands. Nobody write another paragraph on Vietnam or the National Guard or muddy politics or dirty laundry. I don't want to hear anything else about who said what thirty years ago or who banged who last week. I don't want to read another magazine article with pictures that are so old they were chiseled in stone, showing one candidate or another wearing a beret of the wrong color or saluting in such a manner that deams him a socialist or hanging out with the wrong person. Let's settle this right here. They are all pigs. Every last one of them. Why compare Kerry and Bush? Why give gossipers the time of day? Why bother digging up dirt on anyone when someone is going to turn around and dig up darker and chunkier dirt in the next minute? Everyone is a pig. Everyone is a philanderer. Everyone is a dirty, disgusting, lying, cheating, conniving, scheming, backstabbing, drunk driving, epitaph uttering, Hitler loving, porn watching, inhaling, draft dodging, body burying freak. There. You're all on the same page now. We get it. We see the skeletons tumbling out of the closets. We have seen your dirty laundry hanging on the line. We know. Everyone has the bones and soiled underwear. Everyone. And one person's dirty boxers is another's buried hooker. Republicans, Democrats, Greens, Moonies, Commies, whatever you are, put down your pens and pencils and microphones and secret spy cameras. Put down the microfiche copies of thirty year old pay stubs. And you, all of you election followers, all of you future and past voters and all of you media watchers. Why? Why do you care? What does it matter? When are you going to start asking the important questions instead of asking for bedroom secrets and compromising photographs? Somebody please tell me what all these blathering, screaming children stand for. I know who they are against. I know who they hate and who they deride and I know exactly what their opponents have done in the past to make their current reputations suspect. But I don't know one god damned thing you people stand for. I don't know what you want to do about education and taxes and crime and frankly, I don't care if you stuck a dildo up Hitler's ass in a past life or if your cleaning lady services you every weekend or if you were once a member of the Crips or Bloods. Just tell me about now. And don't tell me bout your opponent. Tell me about you. What are you going to do for me besides frustrate and bore me with bawdy tales of your enemy's back office schemes? What are you going to do about homeland security besides bitch about it? What are you going to do about the Mid East besides complain about what's not being done? You're on my time here, folks. Unless you are going to say something about your platform, just shut up and stop playing Encyclopedia Brown with your opponent's background. Otherwise I'm going to stick my fingers in my ears and shout LALALALA I can't hear you until I find a candidate -f rom any party - who is willing to say something of substance. Election Day can't come and go soon enough.

Drudge forgot to take his meds again

Sure, if Kerry was fooling around on his wife with an intern, it might be a big story. Surely, it would make some people question his electability. But jesuschristonapogostick, Matt. To take every single story off of your front page and replace them with startling paragraphs that all link to your gossipy story on the matter? Matt is one Liza Minelli headline away from becoming the The National Enquirer.

a legend in my own mind

They're popping up everywhere. Everywhere you loo are these dumb memes that use some clever way to link blogs. There are maps and decks of cards and subway lines and interactive, zoomable linear points of blogging light. Whatever. Ok, so I'm bitter. I was first passed over at Der Kommisar's place when he made his Deck of Most Dangerous Bloggers cards. Now Aaron (who once begged me for a link) makes a Blogopoly game and am I anywhere on it? No. I'm not. That's ok. I don't need your stinkin' maps and games and flash presentations. I made my own little entry into this meme and it's the only one that matters. Presenting: The Blogiverse According to ASV: cou.gif [If you'd like to be the center of your own blog universe, I'll be happy to accomodate you with an image]

i dream of angelina

Last night's dream: Angelina Jolie was married to Matthew McConaughey, who had changed his name to Tom and stood around all day in a beige, wool turtleneck looking pretty. They lived on a sheep ranch in Texas and somehow, my husband knew them and decided to go visit them. I was wavering on going because I had a dream (within the dream) that the plane would crash on the way to Texas. Angelina decided to come to New York to persuade me to come to Texas. Also, she was helping my mother out with Christmas preparations. So we went shopping, Angelina and I. And I wasn't wearing a shirt. Nor a bra. I was walking around with my boobs hanging out for everyone to see. I finally found what I was looking for - raspberry soda - and Angelina paid for everything. We came out of the supermarket and were immediately accosted by some people shoving a camera in our face. I thought at first they were there for Angelina, but they weren't. It was some Candid Camera show hosted by Ben Affleck. Man, did Affleck look like shit. He smelled like the subaway and apparently he hadn't shaved nor had a shower in days. Jay and Silent Bob stood by laughing as Affleck tried to interview us about the treatment of laboratory mice. Angelina kicked him in the nuts and we moved on. Once home, we started setting the table for Christmas dinner. Angelina and my mother were making lasagna. My husband kept calling, asking me if I was ready to go to Texas. I repeated the plane crash dream each time. Then I was on the phone with my cousin who I really don't like and I was bragging that I know Angelina Jolie and Matthew McConaughey when my mother interrupted the call to tell me that PopPop had died. I assume she meant my grandfather - but I never heard her call him PopPop before. I bitched about having to take another sick day on Monday to go to the funeral. Angelina told me to come to Texas instead because Matthew wanted a threesome and he chose me. Damn alarm clock.

February 11, 2004

it's gonna be too late to bring you back

You know how sometimes you will fall out of love with a band you once swore you would devote your life to? Well, maybe not in those extreme terms, but I think you know what I mean. You hear a new band, you fall in love. The band woos you with a couple of good cds and just when you think you're in it forever, they start sucking. They change their tune or their direction and you decide it's just not worth the effort of pretending you love them anymore, so you put away all the cds and get on with your life and your pursuit of other bands worthy of your love. As time goes on, you remember only the bad things about that band. You remember the third-rate albums that followed the good ones and you forget about the good times you had together. The memories, like the cd cases, gather dust. And then one day you happen to be listening to an internet radio station that is playing songs from that long gone era when your love with that band was new and fresh. And suddenly it all comes back. Why you loved them, why you stood in line for tickets to see them, why you scrawled their lyrics in your journal. Chronic Town and Murmur notwithstanding, Reckoning was one of the best cds ever made. Go build yourself another dream, this choice isn't mine. Sigh. Come back to me, Michael. I miss you. [By the way, if you love 80's new wave (and I mean the good stuff, not the Katrina and the Waves crap), this is the best streaming station you can listen to. Thanks to my Long Island homie for pointing me there]

skeletons of society

I think of the person I was in high school and the few years after. I wonder if I ever ran for public office, if that part of my life would be up for grabs, even though most of it took place over 25 years ago and I am certainly not the person now that I was then. When I was in high school, I was protesting everything. I was a radical student whose only regret was that she wasn't born sooner so she could really experience the counterculture of the 70's. I went to No Nukes rallies. I bored my teachers to tears with speeches about Three Mile Island. I was anti-authority and thought that Ken Kesey and Abbie Hoffman were geniuses. It was all peace, love, happiness and fuck the establishment. Screw the United States because, man, they were screwing us. Here I am thirty years later, a war-mongering, hippie-hating, right wing fascist. Ok, I'm a right-of-center Republican. Let's talk about the Man Who Served in Vietnam. Yea, the guy protested the Vietnam war. He threw away his medals. And he still believes in that same anti-war rhetoric he held dear during the "revolution." But it's not like he's still hitting the bong and throwing stones at Lyndon Johnson. There are so many other things not to like about Megatron John Kerry. Don't waste your time ranting about the one thing that really doesn't matter. I mean, the guy was at the same peace rally as Jane Fonda. Big deal. I once went to a No Nukes concert and was surrounded with every socialist, anti-American, acid-dropping celebrity who joined the movement to bring back the counterculture. You gonna hold that against me now? With that in mind, I say to Bush supporters: If you don't think GWB should have to answer questions about his National Guard duty, then why do you think Kerry has to answer questions about being in a photo with Jane Fonda? Aren't we being just a bit hypocritical? Let's concentrate on the present and future. Forget the past. What have you done for me lately and what are you going to do for me in 2005 should be the only questions we are asking of Bush and Kerry right now.

i'll haunt you forever

You know that book Love You Forever? That’s the one with the mom who has such an unhealthy attachment to her son that she practically stalks him after he leaves home, going as far as sneaking into the son’s bedroom in house across town to rock him. I always found this book a bit on the creepy side. But I'm rethinking that now. The mother in that book had a great idea, she just didn't execute it properly. Of course, I have a plan. I'm going to wait until both my kids are off on their own. Then I am going to embark upon a psyops mission of revenge. See, this is what the mother in the book does:
He left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
I'm going to get into my care on dark nights and drive across town as well. And if all the lights are out, I'm going to open a window, or pick a lock or do whatever I have to do to get in the house. First, my son's house. I will reach into my bag of ammunition and pull out the Legos and small action figures. I will spread them across his bedroom floor so that when he gets up, he will step on them, causing much pain. That's for all the Legos I stepped on, buddy boy. Then I will get myself a glass of orange juice. I'll spill a few drops of juice on the kitchen floor, just enough to make it sticky. Then I'll attempt to wipe it up with one of his clean socks. I'll go in his bathroom and leave a wet towel on the floor. I"ll finish off his toilet paper and not replace it. Then, for the coup de grâce, I will wait until 6am (this will be a Saturday morning) and I will plug in his electric guitar and start playing some four chord song over and over and over again. I'll sneak out the window before he can see me. Oh, he'll figure it out. And he'll know. And he will spend each night wondering if I will be back for more revenge. My revenge on the daughter will be much simpler. I am going to make a deal with Satan to ensure that my she ends up with a daughter exactly like her. Then I will drive across town every evening and sit in her living room and laugh and laugh and laugh at the exruciating mental torture her teenage daughter is putting her through. Hey, it works for my mother.

I'll be with you eventually

I should have known when I woke this morning singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight that I was in a for a bad day. Or maybe I should have know at 4am when I woke from a dream in which John Kerry morphed into the Michelin Man and was chasing me through the butterfly tent at the Bronx Zoo. A wimoweh, a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh Make it stop. Please. Update: Dodd woke up with Air Supply in his head. He says that like it's a bad thing.

February 10, 2004

Tales From the PETA-Files, vol. 25

mmmmeat.gifSometimes you have to read between the lines - and behind them - to understand the news. For instance, the case of Dr. Atkins. Dr. Atkins, who died this past year when he fell and hit his head after slipping on some ice in New York City, weighed 268 pounds at the time of his death. That would make him obese. Hmm...a diet guru dies obese. Of course, plenty of anti-Atkins groups would like to jump on that story. Stuart Trager, chairman of the Atkins Physicians Council in New York, told the [Wall Street] Journal that Atkins' heart disease stemmed from cardiomyopathy, a condition thought to result from a viral infection. Enter the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine. They somehow received a copy of the medical examiner's report on Dr. Atkins. The ME's office said they received it by mistake. How that kind of mistake happens (oh, here's an autopsy report. Oops!). The Committee then gave the ME report to the Wall Street Journal and then the whole world was remarking upon the fatty death of the diet man. See! Look! Atkins is bad for you! We told you that it was an unhealthy diet. So, what is this Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine and why are they so concerned about a carb-free diet craze and Dr. Atkins's death weight? Are they concerned with the health of dieters? Are they looking out for your best interest? Not by a long shot.
The late Dr. Robert Atkins is being smeared for his alleged obesity at the time of his death, by a phony doctors organization that has been exposed as a front group for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and has been censured by the American Medical Association (AMA). The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) has taken in over $1 million from PETA and the animal rights movement. PCRM and PETA also share office space, board members, and staff.
It's about the animals, stupid! This sham of an organization does not have your health interests in mind at all. In fact, the only interest they have is that of the cows and chickens and other furry little creatures that serve as nourishment for many of us. You know, they have a right to bitch about people being carnivorous. It's a free country. But don't lie to us. Don't try to pull the (aww look at the delicious little) lamb's wool over our eyes. Just come out and say it. Here, I'll even write the statement for PETA:
The People for Ethical Treatment of Animals is glad that Mr. Atkins is dead and we are going to exploit his death for all it's worthy by claiming it was his diet and his diet alone that killed him. Not the ice he slipped on. Not his heart disease. Nope, it was eating all those animals that did him in. We've been warning you for years that if the cholesterol don't kill you, the karma will. That's what you get when you eat chicken, beef and pork. You die. You die and you go to hell!
Ahh, I can hardly wait for the next PETA Hates Children escapade. They will probably stand in front of kindergartens and hold up photos of Dr. Atkins, scrawled with messages like God Hates Carnivores! or Your Daddy's Diet Causes Deaths! So what else is this phony physicians group up to?
Yesterday the PETA-funded group told selected media that it has written the 50 biggest U.S. school districts, asking them to "replace beef and other meaty items" with vegetarian cafeteria meals as a response to the recent news about mad cow disease.
Right. Mad cow disease. Uh huh. Exploit the news and use the fear to bring your agenda to a school near you. The most telling statement about this group of propaganda artists posing as caring physicians: "The American Medical Association calls them "potentially dangerous to the health and welfare of Americans." And the Smoking Gun is there.

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Contest Time: My Name is Lucas

Eh, I should remember that no one will get what that title references. han_200x144.gifSo, Dave says in the comments of the George Lucas post below: Wow... apparently lots of us need to vent. Maybe we need a Fuck George Lucas / Han Shoots First limerick contest or something? Sure, we could do something like that. In fact, we'll make it a free-for-all. The theme: George Lucas Sucks. Anything from Han and Greedo to JarJar to Ewoks to Lucas constantly giving fans the finger. The form: Anything. Epic poem, limerick, haiku, song parody, whatever form you want it to take. Prize: The satisfaction of venting. When: Now. thanks to mikey for the link to the original trilogy site

sorry about the mess

Finally. The orginal Star Wars trilogy (the only SW movies that matter as far as I'm concerned) is coming to DVD on September 21st. Sure, I already have several VHS versions: Taped off of tv, commercials and all; the first release of the trilogy and the special edition release. But DVD - I'm so there. This doesn't mean that George Lucas is no longer a fuckwad. The bastard is releasing the special editions on the DVD. Meaning, Greedo fires first, which is number one on my list of why I call Lucas such horrible names.
"We realize there's a lot of debate out there," says [LucasFilm VP Jim] Ward. "But this is not a democracy. We love our fans, but this is about art and filmmaking. [George] has decided that the sole version he wants available is this one."
What garbage. Lucas once again is the center of his own universe. Nevermind the fans. Nevermind that the revised Greedo scene undermines any of Solo's character development. Art? Filmmaking? Dude, you threw those things out the window when you meddled with the story in the first place. Of course I'll buy it. I'm a sucker like that. But here's my prediction: Lucas will eventually release the original versions. But they will only come in a special boxset that includes the three recent bastard SW movies, forcing you to spend money on the JarJar crapfests if you want to see Han shoot first. And that's where I will stop spending my money. You have to draw the line somewhere. Maybe.

fear and loathing in the suburbs

I'm continuing with the subject of the previous post - a day later and I've been able to give it a lot more thought. It also ties in with the murder of Carlie Bruscia and what I've been trying to write about that. Maybe there are some things you just can't understand unless you're a parent. It's hard to describe the fierce need to protect your children or the desire to put a force field around them, keeping them a safe distance from everything. Some of these protectionist feelings are unrealistic, parents know that. We know that we cannot keep our children safe from harm 24 hours a day. We know that things are going to occur that we have no control over. So we do our best to control the things we can. Wear your seatbelt. Put on a helmet before you get on that skateboard. Don't run with scissors. Don't put tinfoil in the microwave. Glue is not for eating. Wear a hat when it's cold out. Simple things. They keep the kids healthy and away from preventable injuries. So what of the factors that we don't have as much control over? Am I being overprotective by not letting my 14 year old walk to school because she has to cross too many high traffic main roads? I am being overly concerned when I realize her backpack weights 30lbs and I don't think she should be lugging it all that way? Am I coddling her by not making her stand out at the bus stop for twenty minutes in the freezing rain? And of course, I'm afraid of what's out there. Perhaps some of you are right in your contention that kidnappings are over estimated, that they very rarely happen and when they do, it's more likely to be from a family member. Like someone in the comments below said, when you do the math, it comes down to about 100 kidnappings per year in America that are perpetrated by strangers of the kidnapped child. Is that supposed to make me feel more at ease? Well, it doesn't. Why take the chance that my child could be one in that hundred. Statistics are garbage when it comes to protecting your children. Just ask the parents of Carlie Bruscia or Polly Klass or Alexis Patterson. It's a no win situation. If I try to protect them, I'm told I'm smothering them and they'll end up in therapy blaming me for everything. If I ease up and let them have some freedoms, I'm being too lenient and they'll end up in a Satanic cult by the age of 12. Maybe the dangers of childhood are overrated. Maybe not. What I do know is this: when I was little, we ran free in the neighborhood. We rode in cars with no seatbelts. We crossed main street by ourselves when we were ten. Maybe we even ran with scissors. Was it a different world then? You bet. Even if the kidnapping statistics are the same now, other things aren't. There's more traffic, wider streets. Every two lane main road around here has been widened to four since my youth. The amount of cars on Long Island roads has at least tripled. There are more people and the the towns are more populated, meaning there are more strangers. We didn't have sex offender registries back then. I don't want to be that one parent in 100 that is on CNN begging for my child's life. I can't follow my kids everywhere, but I can certainly limit the time they are out there alone by driving them to school or to their friends' houses. My daughter will be 14 on Sunday. She will be in high school in Septmber. I am going to have less and less control over her whereabouts as the years go on and it frightens me. I'm going to take what opportunities I can to be there for her and with her, and know what she is doing when she is not with me. If I'm seen a strict parent, so be it. At least I won't be the one getting the call from the police station at 2am. [For more on the differences between then and now, read below, which is a repeat of a post I wrote in June, 2002]. Summer of 12 12 then and 12 now are worlds apart. 12 then was blissful ignorance. 12 now is the weight of the world. When I was 12 my summer days were spent barefoot in my backyard, alternating between the pool and the sprinkler and the blanket on the lawn. I left the backyard only when I heard the tinny ringing of the ice-cream truck. I would run out to the street, hopping like mad from one foot to the other in an effort to not feel the full scorch of the burning blacktop. Al the ice-cream man would hurry us along in a heavy accent. Sometimes we understood him and sometimes we didn't. And sometimes Al was in a talktative mood and he would show us the numbers tattooed on his arm. We would shrug, not really knowing what the story was. We couldn't understand his accent, and even if we did, it seemed like too heavy a story to carry with our melting cones. Today, 12 means you have read at least three historical fiction stories about the Holocaust. 12 means you would know what the numbers on Al's arm were. When I was 12 my summer nights were spent in the street, playing kickball with my cousins. Sometimes we played kick-the-can and we would run through the neighbors yards, hiding in their shrubbery and under their porches. We played until we were too tired to run, and then we would walk down to the candy store to buy soda and snacks. Today, 12 means you can't play in the street because there are too many cars. 12 means your neighbor's lawn is off limits because it was just sprayed with some chemical to make their grass grow greener. 12 means you can't walk to the store at night, because there are too many strangers. When I was 12 we went to the beach and for family drives and spent leisurely days at the park. We woke up late and watched morning tv in our pajamas until we were shooed outside. Our days were long and unstructured and lazy. Today's 12 means summer camp or summer school and getting up with the birds. It is structure and bus rides just like the rest of the year. Family drives and trips to the beach are scheduled events. Time is managed. Soccer, baseball, dance, enrichment programs, swim lessons. When I was 12 I wasn't afraid of the world. Current events in school meant local news, fluff stories, a few science-related pieces. Health lessons centered around hygiene and grooming. Drug education was non-existent. Learning about the environment meant paying attention to don't litter signs. Today's 12 is frightening. Current events are happening in their own backyard. War and terrorism are part of the daily venacular. Health lessons include segments on AIDS and condoms and learning how to say no. Drug education is imperative. Today's 6th graders know about ozone layers and recycling and toxins in the water. Today's 12 is better educated than I was. They are more informed. They are better prepared. But they are not the 12 of carefree childhood and innocence. They are somehow older, wiser and a bit more cynical than I ever knew at 12. Perhaps today's 12 is more prepared to deal with the world than the 12 year olds of my day were. But I still have to lament that their childhood is almost over at an age when it should be in its prime.

February 09, 2004

your kids are fat, lazy republicans

Here's something for you to chew on and discuss while I make my monthly warehouse shopping venture. How is that the topic of kids walking/not walking to school turns into a comment section filled with right-bashing and the usual SUV insults? News flash: People were afraid for their children's safety long before Bush got into office. People drove their kids to school before SUVs were even invented. I don't get the "must be a GOP thing" that's going on in the comments. Do only Republicans drive their children to school? Do only children of Democrats walk instead of getting a ride or taking a bus? I had no idea that this was a political issue. Kevin Drum's readers sure opened my eyes. My kids are not" coddled, over-protected, center-of-the-universe children." When you combine the bad weather, school buses that run on erratic schedules, two ton backpacks, sex offenders living in the neighborhood and the plain of fear of something happening, driving the kids wins out every day. You think the fear-factor of your kids getting kidnapped is just some media invention and we should ignore it? I bet Carlie Bruscia's parents thought it could never happen to them, either.

my valentine lesson

[The blogosphere exit poll will stay up today (see here) - if you haven't voted you have until about 8m tonight to do so.]

Lileks is looking for Valentine horror stories (grade school versions) for his Thursday Backence column. I don't know if this is exactly what he's looking for, but here's my story (sad but true).

Fourth grade, circa 1972. I fit all the criteria of being one of those kids. I had no real friends to speak of. My nose was always buried in a book. My mother dressed me funny. So it was no surprise that every February, I would be unofficially crowned Least Likely to Get A Valentine. You get used to these things after a while, so it didn't phase me as much as my tormenters hoped it would.

Remember, this is back in the day when self-esteem issues had yet to seep their way into the school curriculum. We still played dodge ball and called the Russian kid a commie (Turns out he wasn't really Russian, he was Polish). So, when Valentine's Day rolled around, there were no guidelines sent home by the school administrators imploring parents to have their children hand out a card to everyone in the class or noone. It was every outcast for himself.

I had a plan, though. I was going to take a stand for myself that year. I wasn't going to give out cards.

See, I learned my lesson in third grade. That year, it became painfully obvious that no one wanted a card from me. I found at least five of my carefully decorated valentines in the garbage on the way out of the classroom that day. Two of them weren't even opened. As is my standard operating procedure, I was more pissed off than upset.

Fourth grade would not be the same, I vowed to myself. I remembered the third grade incident clearly, so I took the pre-packaged cards my mother had made me fill out for my classmates and threw them in a garbage can on my way to school. I'll show them. They may be able to make fun of me for getting no cards, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to let them ridicule me for asking my sworn enemies to be my Valentine!

I spent the morning feel smug and superior to the rest of the kids. I had finally figured out a way to show them I didn't care about them. Certainly not enough to hand out some crappy Hallmark heart with a goofy sentiment and sparkles that got all over your dress.

I waited patiently for the moment of truth. We made mailboxes out of construction paper and cardboard and put them on our desks. We were supposed to decorate them for the holiday. Susan and Patricia drew hearts and flowers on theirs. I took a black crayon and drew a stick figure on fire. Well, that's what it was supposed to be. The teacher thought it was some kind of morse code.

Finally, the time arrived. Mrs. M. instructed everyone to take out their valentines, walk around the class, and deposit the cards in the proper mailboxes. Everyone scurried about. I sat at my desk. Mrs. M. kept looking at me, surely wondering why I wasn't getting up. I couldn't wait for her to come over and ask me. I'd finally get my say. Me, the girl known as "Mousy" because she very rarely spoke, would let go with a torrent of anger and pain that had been building up since Kindergarten. I am not giving out any Valentine cards because no one ever gives them to me and I think that's pretty rotten. So the hell with you all! I am not going to give you the chance to humiliate me by throwing my cards in the garbage pail! Mwahahahahah! Well, that's what I had planned on saying.

And then it happened. I learned the meaning of irony. For, one by one, the kids in the class came over to my crude mailbox and deposited Valentine cards. Susan. Cynthia. Ray. All the cool kids and the not so cool kids. Every single one of them. I had been tricked by fate!

Was I pleased at this turn of events? Did I feel shame for what I had done? Embarassed? Not at all. I was pissed. Obviously, Mrs. M. had instructed them to give me cards. Not only did Mrs. M's efforts ruin my planned soliloquy, but it further alienated me from my classmates and gave them new fodder for their rule against me.

They say what does not kill you makes you stronger. Tis true. Not only stronger, but wiser and a hell of a lot more evil.

Two months later, I had to bring in an Italian dessert for our Heritage Pride day. My grandmother helped me bake cookies that looked something like this. After taking them from my grandmother's house, I made a quick stop at my neighbor's gate. I took the plastic wrap off the tray of cookies and held the platter out for Thumper the German Shepherd. He licked those cookies good. I put the cover back on the tray and brought the cookies to school the next day, gladly sharing with my classmates.

Hey, it's not the ultimate revenge, but it was pretty clever - and satisfying - for a fourth grader.

today's amusement brought to you by stewie

Damn the broccoli, damn you and damn the Wright brothers!

frog in a blender

The poll will stay up today (see here) - if you haven't voted you have until about 8m tonight to do so. Hmm...I don't even know where to begin today. So many topics, so little time. I still owe you that Rocky Horror post - I'll get to that later. For now, I'll take on Peggy Noonan. This isn't the first time that I've taken Peggy to task for something but, for the most part, I like her. We may take different paths - she walks about 1,000 yards farther to the right than I - but I think she's a good writer and she is always passionate about her subjects. But there are some days when she just loses me and I'm left scratching my head and wondering just what the hell she is talking about. For instance, her February 5th column, Janet Jackson and the Frog. It starts out sanely enough. We learn that on September 8, 2001, Peggy and a friend went to an extravagant, circus-like Michael Jackson show (actually, a taping of a CBS special) at Madison Square Garden. There, she witnessed a rambling Marlon Brando and an anorexic-looking Whitney Houston pay tribute to Michael. Liza Minelli was there as was, of course, Liz Taylor. Where there's Michael, there's Liz. At least it used to be that way until Michael went and had tea parties with young boys. So you have the background now. This is an excerpt of what follows in the column:
Later, as we got into a cab, we said nothing. It was odd to go from such sound to such silence. But we were both pondering. It wasn't that any individual moment during the evening was so stunningly bizarre. (Mr. Brando, for instance, was only as bizarre as Brando is.) It was that taken as a whole the night yielded an unmistakable sense of decay and disorder. "I feel like we just witnessed the end of our culture," I said. "We are," he said. "It's a freak show now. The whole thing, it's just a freak show." Two-and-a-half days later came 9/11 and the ending of a world. When my friend and I talked again he said, "Remember that night? You could see it coming then."
I had to read that several times to make sure I wasn't missing something. But no, there it is in black and white. You could see it coming then. As if somehow, the antics of Michael Jackson and his Cirucs of the Fading Stars somehow foretold the coming of a terrorist attack on the United States.
Why am I treating you to a bad memory? Because I am disturbed about our culture and can't stop thinking about it. I'm embarrassed by our culture too, and made anxious by it. Aren't you?
Not particularly. Look at Britian. The covers of their newspapers are often decorated with the exposed breasts of young women. Have you ever seen a television show that originates from anywhere south of the American border? They show more skin in one episode than you see in a month of Playboy Channel movies. Embarassed? Maybe. Justin Timberlake winning a grammy over Warren Zevon; a movie glorifying cheating on the SATs; Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake and The Man Show, America's Funniest Videos - I find them all embarassing representations of American culture. But what do I know? I think South Park and Beavis and Butthead are pure comedy genius. But anxious? No. Not at all. I don't think some radical Muslim group is sitting in their hideout right now watching TiVo'd copies of Sex in the City and listening to Britney Spears and thinking - those Americans must die! After all, these are people that willingly die so they can screw 72 imaginary virgins. I think Britney would give them wet dreams, not be the poster girl for American Jihad, Inc.
For a while after 9/11 we seemed to sober up. There seemed a new seriousness. It wasn't heavy and somber, there was a lot of humor and wit, but we were perhaps a little chastened, a little more mature. Sept. 11 was such a shock to the national system that after it the culture's long slide into narcissistic netherworlds seemed momentarily stopped, or at least slowed. But it's picked up again
Noonan then writes about discovering that Janet and Justing did a little touchy-feely dance during the Superbowl halftime show. Oh no, I thought. We're back to the pre-9/11 freak show. Has she been under a rock for the past three years? American pop culture is one big freak show and the days since 9/11 have not watered the freakishness down at all. There are women marrying strangers on national television. Michael Jackson dances on the hood of a car after his arraignment on child molestation charges. Stores are selling thongs for eleven year old girls. The J&J show has nothing to do with 9/11. The future of terrorism in this country has nothig to do with wardrobe malfunctions.
This was the Super Bowl, after all, a football game in early-evening prime time with children watching, and nice people who hadn't bought into the concept of seeing a sex show.
Yep. Those cheerleaders the cameras train on are all wearing turtlenecks and chastity belts. And halftime shows are always about morality and fully clothed performers.
This might be a frog-in-the-water moment. You remember: You put a frog in a nice cool pot of water, and he's happy and swims around. But if you put a flame underneath the pot and slowly raise it, chances are he'll boil to death. On the other hand, if you dump a frog in a boiling pot of water, he'll jump right out and be saved.
Or you have frog soup. And, if you use Peggy's convoluted metaphor, it's a huge bowl of soup, feeding a dinner party of tv, radio and print reporters. The entertainment media would starve if it were not for these frogs on the flame. Does she honestly believe we are the only country with entertainment that revolves around hard bodies, sexual innuendos and risky business? I'll agree with her to an extent that the people who want to attack America don't like our culture, but that's not the whole deal. If it were, England, Brazil, Denmark, Italy and hundreds of other places would be under attack as well. Things didn't change after 9/11. We didn't suddenly become subdued puritans who threw away our Cosmo magazines and watched public television instead of Fox reality shows. Sure, we didn't hear much about that part of culture; not because our culture made us anxious, but because we just weren't in the mood.
Our culture has been on a boil for years. Then it cooled a bit. The other night at the Super Bowl they put the flame higher and the water began to boil. The frog--that would be us--is still alive. And may, in his shock, jump out of the water. But the question is: How? How to turn it around. I wonder if all the sane adult liberals and conservatives couldn't make progress here. But how. Readers?
Here's some ideas: Turn the channel. Teach your children good morals. Express your distaste for what's on tv or in the movies, but don't preach to people that they should find the same things distasteful. This frog is fine with the way things are. I'd rather stay in the pot and be boiled to live in a place where people think that my entertainment choices should be made for me. Not everything is about 9/11. This "freak show" of American culture that Peggy Noonan sees is not going to cause a suicide bomber to detonate a truckful of dynamite in a government building. Nor would purifying our culture stop that same suicide bomber from blowing himself up in a government building. It's about so much more than exposed breasts. To think otherwise means you don't really understand any of it.

February 08, 2004

The Blogosphere Exit Poll (an experiment)

[Notice: See imporant update below] This is the first of three polls I. This poll will remain active for 24 hours. Please vote only once. You may use the comment section to discuss your choice. The political affiliation poll will appear each night. You only need to submit your answers to that poll once. Please encourage others to come and vote, as I would like to get a wide range of political views represented in the poll. Polls are below. Please see update below, also. Update: I changed the categories so that Iraq-WoT-FP-Security are together. The poll has been reset so you may vote again. The political affiliation has been reset also because I forgot to include Libertarian. Sorry libertarians!
What Do You Consider the Most Important Issue of the 2004 Election
Health Care
Homeland Security/War on Terror/Iraq
Other (Specify in comments)
Free polls from Pollhost.com
Political Affiliation
Other (specify in comments)
Free polls from Pollhost.com

creepy valentines, vol. 2

Thanks to my partner in crime Carol, I have come across a treasure trove of freaky valentines. Talk about a deranged vision of love. Clicky clicky for bigger picky! They are all desperately in need of captions. The sicker, the better, I always say.

dave winer explains dean's demise

In a nutshell: Dean did not win because, while his campaign did run a weblog, they did not run a real weblog. As in, they did not follow the Winer rules of blogging. I'll pass that on to the people who worked hard running Dean's blog, Dave. [Does everything Winer writes/talks about revolve around Dave Winer? Seems that way, doesn't it?]

kids say the damndest things

DJ: You can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex. Me: Yes, you can. I'm glad you are actually learning something useful in that health class. DJ: Health class? I learned that on Beavis and Butthead! And then: Natalie: Mom, would you let me wear a cape to the mall. Me: A cape? Like, a Batman cape? Nat: Umm..maybe. Like a vampire cape. And sunglasses. Me: Why would you be doing this? Nat: To freak out the grownups in the mall. Me: Whatever. Just don't expect me to buy the cape for you. Use your allowance. Nat's 14th birthday is next week. She wants her cartlidge pierced. Experiences, anyone?

Sacre Blue!

When did Canada become old school Russia? Don Cherry, host of Coach's Corner, which is a segment of CBC's Hockey Night in Canada, made the statement on his show that French-Canadian hockey players are weak because they wear visors. Call in the Mounties! Not only has the CBC made the decision to air Cherry's program on a seven second delay from now on, but they released the following statement:
CBC categorically rejects and denounces the personal opinions Mr. Cherry expressed during the segment. Comments such as those expressed during the show cannot be repeated and will not be tolerated.
Also: In a statement released yesterday, Harold Redekopp, the executive vice-president of CBC Television, publicly reprimanded Mr. Cherry for his "inappropriate and reprehensible" remarks. Actually, what Cherry said was (paraphrased) this: The only players who wear visors are European or French guys. One government member (they were discussing the situation in the House of Commons) said: "Does that mean that because [former Montreal Canadiens goaltender] Jacques Plante had his nose broken and invented the goalie mask, that he is a wimp?" I know Canadians take their hockey seriously, but come on folks. Or maybe I'm just ignorant about the the rivalry between Canadians and French Canadians. Enlighten me, someone. And I wonder, do you think this incident really called for that type of outrage? Or is this really about Don Cherry constantly calling it like it is and speaking his mind - a mind that most often does not agree with the Bloc Quebecois gang? /unabashed Don Cherry fan

Russert, Bush and Optimus Prime: My One Issue Vote Has Been Cast

I've wavered on my support for Bush. Several times, I said right here that I made the decision to vote for him only to retract it later on when he did something to turn me against him. I looked at the Dem candidates and realized there is no viable alternative for me. Now, with Kerry looking more and more each day like he will get the nomination, I've found my way back to Bush's corner. There are too many things about Kerry that I don't like to even begin listing them here. He's a self-absorbed rich boy running on a populist ticket. Frankly, he frightens me. I keep waiting for the moment when he will pull off his mask to reveal that he is really Megatron. And if Kerry is Megatron in my mind, that would make Bush my Optimus Prime. What it comes down to is this: In 2004, I am a one issue voter. If Bush is, like he declared in today's interview with Tim Russert, a war president, then I am a war voter. Bush:
I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign policy matters with war on my mind. Again, I wish it wasn't true, but it is true. And the American people need to know they got a president who sees the world the way it is. And I see dangers that exist, and it's important for us to deal with them.
That's what I want in my president. In this age, when terror alerts come every few days and every country seems to have a group of jihadis hiding in its corners, that is what I need to hear. I don't want a president who is going to negotiate with terrorists. I don't want a leader who looks for root causes instead of rooting out the terrorists. And I certainly don't want a president that will undo everything that has been already done in the war on terror. Bush on the 9/11 commission:
And again, we want I want the truth to be known. I want there to be a full analysis done so that we can better prepare the homeland, for example, against what might occur. And this is all in the context of war, and the more we learn about, you know, what took place in the past, the more we are going to be able to better prepare for future attacks.
Right. 9/11 already happened. Whether or not our security was shoddy in the months preceding that day is - I won't say irrelevant, but not of the utmost importance to me at the moment. I want to know what is going to be done to prevent that from happening again. I want a president who has that as his first priority - to keep our nation safe. I want a leader who is not afraid to take on the world, when it needs taking on. The reality is that there are hundreds of groups out there who would love nothing more than to wipe America off the face of the earth. And like Optimus Prime, my leader will be able to transform into whatever is needed - a retaliator, a nation builder, a pre-emptive striker - to make sure that the citizens of his country are kept safe from terrorism. Bush on bin Laden and al Qaeda:
These are these are people that will kill on a moment's notice, and they will kill innocent women and children. And he's hiding, and we're trying to find him. ..I know there is a lot of focus on Iraq, and there should be, but we’ve got thousands of troops, agents, allies on the hunt, and we are doing a pretty good job of dismantling al Qaeda, better than a pretty good job, a very good job. I keep saying in my speeches, two thirds of known al Qaeda leaders have been captured or killed, and that's the truth.
And every supposed imminent terrorist attack that the al Qaeda cronies boast about have never come to pass. How many flights have been grounded in the past few months alone due to intelligence information about terror attacks? I don't know about you, but that tells me our war on terror is working. If it wasn't, we would not have known about those plans in advance and we would have a lot of dead people on our hands. On the WMD threat:
I believe it is essential that when we see a threat, we deal with those threats before they become imminent. It's too late if they become imminent. It's too late in this new kind of war, and so that's why I made the decision I made.... It's important for people to understand the context in which I made a decision here in the Oval Office. I'm dealing with a world in which we have gotten struck by terrorists with airplanes, and we get intelligence saying that there is, you know, we want to harm America. And the worst nightmare scenario for any president is to realize that these kind of terrorist networks had the capacity to arm up with some of these deadly weapons, and then strike us. And the President of the United States’ most solemn responsibility is to keep this country secure. And the man was a threat, and we dealt with him, and we dealt with him because we cannot hope for the best. We can't say, Let's don't deal with Saddam Hussein. Let's hope he changes his stripes, or let's trust in the goodwill of Saddam Hussein. Let's let us, kind of, try to contain him. Containment doesn't work with a man who is a madman.
That's good enough for me. It's good enough that I will pull the lever for Bush in November, because I don't think there is a single other candidate capable - or willing - to recognize the dangers that exist, the depth of the hatred of our prosperity, our freedoms, our non-Muslims ways that lead madmen and their followers to engage in attacks on the United States and other free countries.
Russert: It's now nearly a year, and we are in a very difficult situation. Did we miscalculate how we would be treated and received in Iraq? President Bush: Well, I think we are welcomed in Iraq. I'm not exactly sure, given the tone of your questions, we're not. We are welcomed in Iraq.
Read this and get back to me on that. There is nothing more imporant to me than securing the world for my children and their children. Safety, fighting terrorism, spreading democracy, taking madmen out of power - they all are part of one big issue and - as it has been since September 11, 2001 - it is the only issue that matters to me. What good is dealing with health care and marriage definitions and teacher testing if we don't first make sure that five, ten, even twenty years from now we still exist as a whole, free nation? Optimus Prime Bush for President. I am a one issue voter and he is the only one who satisfies my needs on that particular issue. Update: Full disclosure: I did not watch the interview, I merely read it. I really don't know how Bush appeared, the tone of his voice, the inflection of his words, his body language, etc. - all of which are important things to take into consideration. A review from someone who watched it would help.

February 07, 2004

open audition for greeting card writers

Another year, another creepy Valentine: val37.jpg Except this year, I took the wording off of the original. It's your job to decide what should go in there instead. Anything goes.

inside baseball

I don't care if "baby with two heads dies" sounds funny to you. Keep it to yourself. Making jokes or snarky comments about a baby dying is just wrong on so many levels. Being offensive for the sake of being offensive works for some people - it doesn't work when your schtick is obvious and you have to work too hard for that extra offensive edge. It's not funny. It's pathetic. Also, can you please stop acting like five year old children? Do not, under any circumstances, ever send me an email asking me not to link to a certain person because you have a beef with them. That's a sure fire way to get me to have a beef with you. Grow up, already. And in the same vein, don't chastise me for linking to/reading someone I've had past issues with. I've never been good at holding grudges. It feels much better to let them go. Try it some time. I just needed to get that off my chest. I try to save this crap for Saturday nights when no one is really reading, anyhow.

caucusses? caucii?

Either way, we've got you covered over at Command Post. Hey, Kerry just delcared himself winner!

In which I come to the same conclusion as Lileks, but learn my lesson the hard way

yeslogo.jpgI think some of you got the wrong idea. I come not to bury Lileks, but to sort of kind of praise him. And then explain why - in that one small paragraph - I think he maligned Yes. I enjoyed the rest of the column as I always do; this one was extra special because James mentioned Bill Nelson - a man who was an musical genius that no one seems to remember. I knew of Bill from Be-Bop Deluxe; my cousin was a big fan of theirs and I often stole into his room to listen to his albums. But it wasn't until 1984, when I was working at Record World and Nelson released the album Vistamix that I became fascinated with Nelson himself. I saw him live that year, at a small, dingy nightclub called My Father's Place - the kind of club where you stand for the whole show and suck down someone else's smoke while you are constantly being leaned on by a guy who hasn't taken a shower in at least a decade. I managed to get close to the stage - which wasn't so much a stage as a slightly raised floor - and I remained transfixed for the entire show. I could sit here and spend an hour just writing about Vistamix alone but I've other things to ramble about. If you happen to be one of those evil downloader/freeloader people, look up Bill Nelson - Everyday is Like Another New Drug. Start there and work your way around. Now, back to Lileks. Wait, we aren't up to the part about Yes yet. James is a kindred spirit for now; someone who remembers the Monroes (saw them play in a movie theater) and all that other stuff - Telecommunication (picture me with spiked hair, in a black and blue checkered tank top and a leather mini skirt - I looked ridiculous - hopping from one foot to another with a slight nod of my head and swing of my arms because that was the way the cool kids danced back then), seeing the Romantics live (at a roller rink) and doing that jump that James describes and...whoa. Stop right there. Loverboy? Laura Brannigan? Sunglasses at Night? That's where he loses me. Now, far be it from me to judge a man's musical tastes; after all, what's beautiful music to one is nails on blackboard to another. So no, I'm not going to give the most popular blogger in all of the universe a beatdown just because he disagrees with me. I'm just going to...set him straight. And you're going to be disappointed. It's not that Yes were some extraordinarily talented band of musicians who could leap tall Billboard charts in a single bound. It's not that their music was of a higher level than other bands of the time, or that pretending you understood their lyrics made you seem intellectual. To put it bluntly, they were a good band to get stoned to. Oh yes, they were pretentious to the very core. Songs were divided into parts, and had names like Siberian Khatru and lyrics that read like the slush pile in a poetry editor's office: A dewdrop can exalt us like the music of the sun. Really, my defense of Yes just stems from the fact that I associate them with good memories. What I remember, anyhow. We (there were five of us) spent an awful lot of nights in Kevin's room, listening to Yes, Genesis and ELP while Kevin read to us from Tolkein books. It was a lazy, self-indulgent time; we only had a little time left before we had to worry about things like college and jobs. We chose to take those last days of our hazy youth and spend them in a make believe world where hobbits and Gollum were the perfect match for words like He spoke of lands not far, nor lands they were in his mind and the pot was always free because we stole it from Kevin's brother. We spent a long spring and summer before senior year with squinty eyes and a heavy disdain for disco that made us superior to you in every way. Dazed and Confused? I lived that, man. Green grass and high tides forever! Whoa. Flashback. Hang on a minute...... ..... Ok. I went and found my Yessongs CD. I listened to a few tracks. Wow. It's funny how something that seemed so meaningful and extraordinary as a teenager can make you cringe when you're an adult. Does this mean I'm old now? No, it just means I realized that prog rock is nothing more than a bunch of musicians who think they can pass for geniuses because their albums have concepts (See, Dream Theatre). I apologize, James. You are on target. I don't know what you mean by the word "noodling" but it sounds just about right. [Tomorrow: Rocky Horror and other midnight treats]

choose your own (blogging) adventure

Hey! Look at me! I'm actually leaving the house. It's been ten days since I've gone outside except to go the doctor's office twice. It's been eleven days since I have driven myself anywhere. I'm going to the bank. That's right - an exciting trip to the bank, and maybe a stop at the grocery store. Live dangerously, that's my motto. Anyhow, I can't decide what subject I want to tackle later on. Would you rather hear about my Rocky Horror days (no, I never dressed up) or would you rather I write a scathing rebuttal to James Lileks's assertion that Yes wasn't a good band, which would include another long, rambling essay about 80's music. Door number one or door number two? You decide, I write. How's that for democracy?

morning observation on last night's tv

Did anyone catch Andrew Sullivan on Bill Maher last night? He came out with some really good lines, especially to Rob Schneider (who is not half as funny as he thinks he is). Suprisingly, Maher was very entertaining last night. Say what you want about him, but the hallmark of a true comedian is someone who can make me laugh even when I am disagreeing with what he is making jokes about. And, oddly enough, I found myself agreeing with him on many points. Hell, even Carol Moseley-Braun was funny. I guess I should give the show a chance - it seems to be ok as long as Ted Rall or Ann Coulter aren't on. Before Maher came on, I was tuned in to MTV2 for a good portion of the night. They were running a Beavis and Butthead marathon. Timeless comedy, folks. Timeless comedy. I have the DVD collection, but it doesn't include all the portions where B and B are watching music videos, which is generally a highlight of the show, so I especially enjoyed seeing all those clips again last night. Call me immature (and I'm sure you have), but B and B singing "Breaking the Law" is comedy gold. I also watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show on Bravo. But that gets its own post, in a bit.

February 06, 2004

everything looks like this after a few shots, anyhow

This is your tequila. This is your tequila under a microscope. Also check out the drugs (Tylenol is my favorite) and the beer (Corona looks good). There's also pesticides, vitamins, and some molecule art. This site is so fascinating and educational I think it will make up for the three straight hours of watching Beavis and Butthead tonight.


Item #1: Tom Donelson has just published a new book, Empire of Liberty, and yours truly is quoted in it. Tom's a nice guy with many interesting things to say. The short blurb: The debate is on, what will America’s role in the world after 9/11 be? Mr. Donelson seeks and gives his answers to these and other questions. Something most of you have an interest in. You can order the book here. Second item on the agenda: When I head to NYC in August to cover the GOP convention, I will meet up and drink with the ultra-famous Tim Blair, who will also be providing fair and balanced coverage of said convention. Tim says he will introduce me to the New York's Australian Mafia. Yea, I never heard of them either, but he swears they rule NY. Third item: Today's Achewood. Fourth and final item: Oh no. The other side of the evening entails an agenda that includes a delicious surprise mp3 for you all to download, listen to and enjoy like there's no tomorrow. Go read Achewood again. It was that funny.

Pink Cadillacs for You and Me

[I'm trying to get back in the blogging groove, here. It make take a while for posts to become coherent or interesting. Bear with me while my mind recovers from couch rot] [click for bigger image]As if it weren't already apparent that the Dean For America charter group is really nothing more than a cult, they've all but given the secret away with their house party ideas. Now, everyone knows that MaryKay(c) and Tupperware(c) are just money laundering fronts for devilish cults. (See also, TupperWar(c)). Once you are indoctrinated into these organizations, there's no turning back. They will take you under their wings, purporting to have your best interests (making money, looking beautiful and organizing your vegetables by color) in mind and all the time they are sending you subliminal messages (listen real closely next time your Tupperware(c) makes that pffft sound). You go out, ringing doorbells and setting up house parties and before you know it, you are The Stepford Seller, reciting sales pitches that have been etched in your mind through the clever use of brainwashing disguised as product pamphlets. And now, in addition to all the jewelry, candles, gourmet food and other sundry excuses to have parties so you can convince people to join your cult comes the Dean House Party. Now, there's nothing wrong with political house parties. In fact, they can be kind of fun. Throw out a few bowls of chips, buy a case of Coors Light and sit around discussing the November election. Like a SuperBowl party, but without the wardrobe malfunctions. But the Cult of Dean(r) takes it a step or two farther, obviously taking quite a few pages from the Pink Ladies of MaryKay(c), and maybe a page from Jim Jones and David Koresh. Oh, and let's not forget the Nancy Pelosi handbook of parties. The Cult of Dean(r) give you themes. You can host a Susan B. Anthony party (come dressed as a useless dollar coin!) or an Eyes on Washington Party (I'll bring the Starbucks!). And the themes are just the half of it. You can download cute invitations and colorful posters and postcards. And just like any good cult/product showcase company will do, The Cult of Dean supplies you with all the goodies needed for a sweet party. John Kerry pinata not included. The real story is what happens when you are at one of these house parties. The host - usually an earnest young man with a goatee - will read from some literature, maybe play a few party games, and then get on with the real deal: selling the product. As an Outkast album plays in the background, you are completely unaware that a sublimal message is being played out on an almost silent track - Howard Dean is my leader - Howard Dean is my ruler - and suddenly your eyes are glassy and you feel a little woozy, as if something has been slipped in your drink. Five days later, you find yourself going through your address book and writing out invitations to a Dean bash and fretting over the party games you'll play. You have become a Deanbot and there is no turning back. Soon, you will be the scourge of the neighborhood as you drive up and down the street in your brand new Dean-Van, using the DeanScream megaphone to attract attention and get your message across: "We're going to Maple Street! We're going to Woods Avenue! We're going to Suburban Temple!" Ah, but don't worry. The Cult of Dean(c) only has a short hold on you. In a few days, when your leader gives his concession speech, all those radiated vibes and mind meld tricks will lose their power. Unless, of course, Dean merges with another cult company. Can the ClarkShark(c) bandwagon be far behind?

trapped in reality (a cry for help)

Things I failed to mention in the post below: I am addicted to Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica. Admit it, you think Nick is hot, too. Worse than that, I have become re-addicted to American Idol. So much so that I have even made my picks: Matt is my favorite so far. He'll make it to the final three. Others that I think have the potential to make it: Elizabeth, Erskine, Donnie, Jennifer and the pen salesman. Amy - she was born to play Columbia in a stage adaptation of Rocky Horror. I'm even starting to believe that Simon is cute. Not as cute as Paula, but cute enough. Oh god, help me. Please. If I don't get an intervention soon, I'm liable to start watching My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance. Then it's all over but the bon-bons and housecoat. Update: It looks like Mr. Smash has found a reality show worth watching. I'd like to be a judge on that one.

Catching up: Fate, cable, wife swapping and shape shifting meat

I missed out on a writing a few good rants in the week or so since I've been (mostly) bed couch-ridden. I really had a lot to say about Janet's boob and I swear my post would have been fresh and original and an incredible commentary of society, freedom and pasties. Really, it would have been great. As would the other essays I wrote in my head that are no longer viable because they've been done to death. Things about Kerry and Dean and Martha Stewart. Pontifications on world at large - war, peace, nuclear weapons, economics, culture..you name it, I would have written it. And it would have been good and I would be the first blogger to win a Pulitzer. I mean, who knows why fate leads us where it does? Perhaps good old Mr. Fate has it in for me for some reason and if I had not gotten sick, this would have been the week that I singlehandedly saved a dozen children from a burning school bus, discovered a cure for the common cold and was named Lyndon LaRouche's running mate. Without my consent, of course. But alas, fate - and some viral madness - had other things in mind for me. It may have appeared to you that the last seven or eight days were filled with all kinds of exciting, breathtaking news but let me tell you something: When you spend days at a time watching television, you begin to realize the way everything flows together. All those delicious celebrity rumors and all the ominous weather forecasts and all the news items scrolling along the bottom of your cable news channel - they all eventually gel together, forming one huge blob of sound bites, headlines and weather maps and that blob covers your television screen and seeps into your remote and kills your brain cells one at a time until the resulting delirium causes you to believe that Janet Jackson is on trial for stock fraud, is being represented by Howard Dean and the judge is none other than Al Roker. You learn a lot about the state of cable tv when you have about 6,000 channels and nowhere to go. I think there must be a standards committee somewhere that dictates certain rules cable companies must abide by. Rule #1: There must be a Michael Madsen movie playing on at least one channel at all times. Rules 2, 3 and 4 are the same, except substitute Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts and Steven Segal for Madsen. And then there's Rule #5: There must be no fewer than ten home decorating shows in your cable lineup. They can be of any variety; home swapping, room swapping, ambush decor, how to control your wife's packrat sensibilities, how to decorate a spoiled kid's room for just one third of your annual salary! Rule #6 is something about bottom-feeder talk shows, but I still had enough brain cells left to know that I should stay away from them, lest I have fever dreams about Jerry Springer giving Ricki Lake a sponge bath. However, I thought it was ok to watch some of the upper echelon talk shows; the ones that purport to be of a higher class and less hillbilly like. So I tried The View and fell asleep two minutes into it. I was told by a friend that I should wait for the afternoon shows instead. That's when they cater to working women who just walked in the door from a hard day at the office and want nothing more than to sit down and watch some billion dollar empire bitch tell her how to live her life. Wife swapping? I swear, Oprah had a thing on the other day about a woman who left her husband for her best friend's husband. When did Oprah start catering to the lowest common denominator? What happened to her book club and her shows about world peace? Ah, there's Dr. Phil. I bet he knows how to put on a show without all the fuss and histrionics of his counterparts. Errr, no. Dr. Phil is a condescending, pandering jerk who makes a living by humiliating people on national tv. Granted, those people are willing victims of his humiliation, but it's not nice to take advantage of the mentally vulnerable and Dr. Phil should be ashamed of himself for doing so. So much for the talk shows. Let's watch the local news. Oh, look at the teaser headlines! Killer bees headed our way! Tidal wave coming! Nuclear holocaust imminent! But first, let's run that clip of the cute seven year old who called 911 when her doggie fell in the pool. Awwwww! Timmy, Lassie, come look at this! Oh wait. Timmy doesn't live here. Yet another fever dream. Timmy fell in the well and Lassie didn't get there in time to save him from Hannibal Lechter. Where's those cute, 911-dialing kids when you need them? meatwad2.gifAs for everyone's assertion that the major news media is too liberal/too conservative, let me tell you a thing or two. You lay in bed for a week and switch between MSNBC, CNN and FOX and I bet you too will think they are all the same channel at the end of that week. Maybe it was the fever, but I could swear I saw Lou Dobbs on FOX talking about Scott Peterson and Bill O'Reilly on CNN extolling the virtues of Snoop Dogg. It's all the same, folks. Just mouths moving and heads nodding and the shuffling of papers and the switch to the live feed from Baghdad. Eventually everyone sounds like the adults in a Charlie Brown movie and all the stories bleed together and you give up, pop in your Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD and realize that Meatwad makes more sense than Tom Brokaw. At least Meatwad speaks his mind and doesn't need cue cards to slyly insult someone. And he's a shape shifter. Let's see Brokaw turn himself into a bridge. On second thought, let's not. I remember the last time that happened. Something about NyQuil and a high temp that makes me dream about stepping on Brokaw's nuts. Hey, it's time for that part in the news when the weatherman stands outside in the freezing sleet and rain to tell us that it's raining and sleeting! Wah-wah-wah, wah wah!

February 05, 2004

Use Your Illusion II

I'm trying to get my blogging mojo back. Until then you'll have to settle for painful images and references to horrible Guns N Roses albums. spdisk.gif

Rock On

Thank you all for participating in another Open Mic day. This one was a lot of fun. I'll be back later to give you my own list (culled from yours). A note on my illness: I am feeling much, much better today. I had another blood test, which came back with good results. My doctor said that I either a) had a very mild case of mono or b) was walking around with it for a long time. I'll go with B because it would explain a lot of things from the past month or so. I'm going to attempt to go back to work on Monday, at least for a half day. Please don't yell at me. My doctor gave me the go ahead and she knows best. I'll just be sure to take it easy for a while and stay away from contact sports, as per Dr. So much for the naked rugby tournament this weekend. [guest login is now closed]

Only 10?

1. 5/4: Rammstein 2. Feuer Frei: Rammstein 3. Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns: Mother Love Bone 4. Your Eyes: Peter Gabriel 5. Ich Bin Ein Auslander: Pop Will Eat Itself 6. Time After Time: Cyndi Lauper 7. Simon Says: Clawfinger 8. Ordinary World: Duran Duran 9. Experiment IV: Kate Bush 10. Spiderman: The Cure SondraK

Showing My Age

In no particular order: 1. Revolution -- The Beatles 2. Dancing in the Street -- van Halen 3. Magic Carpet Ride -- Steppenwolf 4. Sweet Hitch Hiker -- Credence Clearwater revival 5. Radar Love -- Golden Earring 6. Won't Get Fooled Again -- The Who 7. Let it Roll Down the Highway -- Bachman Turner Overdrive 8. I Love Rock and Roll -- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts 9. Bang-A-Gong -- T. Rex 10.Brown Sugar -- Rolling Stones Posted by a bloggless Mark. Hope you're feeling better soon, Michelle

Jane's All-Time Rock List

Ok...rock, upbeat and representative it is: # Surfer Girls With Machine Guns - Cramps # London Calling - Clash # Move Me - Woodentops # Sheila - Tommy Roe # Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana # Goin Home - Ten Years After # The Future's so Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades) - Timbuk3 # Stagger Lee - Lloyd Price # Keep Your Hands to Yourself - Georgia Satellites # Paradise City - Guns n Roses # Fiesta - Pogues # Roadhouse Blues - The Doors Jane

gigglechick's little list

"okay - i am gonna sprain my ankle jumping on this bandwagon," says erin: # all american man - cowboy mouth # toys in the attic - rem (off dead letter office) # jump - van halen # killing an arab - the cure # smells like teen spirit - nirvana # kim the waitress - material issue # back in black - ac/dc # paradise by the dashboard lights - meatloaf # cracklin' rose - neil diamond. yes. i said neil diamond. wanna make somethin' of it, punk? # hurt - johnny cash and, if i may: # trapped - bruce springsteen # streets of london - sex pistols # the last resort - eagles # southern cross - jimmy buffett (cover)

Jeff's CD

# The Show that Never Ends (Emmerson, Lake, & Palmer) # Crocodile Rock (Elton John) # Punk Rock Girl (The Dead Milkmen) # Killer Queen (Queen) # Boy in the Bubble (Paul Simon) # Love Vigilantes (New Order) # Very First Lie (Material Issue) # Tax Man (The Beatles) # One Love (The Stone Roses) # I Wanna Be Sedated (The Ramones)

songs I Love

Here are some songs that I love 1. Seasons in the Sun, Terry Jacks 2. Words, the Bee Gees 3. If You're Going to San Francisco, Scott McKenzie 4. Blowin' in the Wind, Bob Dylan 5.Puff the Magic Dragon, Peter, Paul and Mary 6. Tiny Dancer, ELTON! 7. I'm Still Standing, ELTON! 8. Both Sides Now, Judy Collins 9. Mellow Yellow, Donovin 10. Billy Don't Be A Hero, Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods 11. Dust In The Wind, Kansas 12. Pleasant Valley Sunday, the Monkees 13. Me and You and a dog Named Boo, Lobo 14. Big Yellow Taxi, Joni MItchell 15. Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In, the Fifth Dimension I believe this is a fairly representative list of some of the finest music the last century had to offer! Sorry about the two Eltons, but he is very dear to me! Lawrence Johnson


Maybe not the Ultimate Rock CD, but pretty close. I only chose 8. I tried to limit myself to real balls-to-the-wall rock songs. *(I have some Amazon-esque "Listen" links that won't be up long. Please, PLEASE, right-click and save. ) 1. "River Euphrates" - Pixies (Listen!) 2. "Hot Metal Dobermans" - Brainiac (Listen!) 3. "What I Like About You" - The Romantics 4. "I Saw Her Standing There" - The Beatles 5. "Waxhead" - Pussy Galore (Listen!) 6. "Boogie Chillin" - RL Burnside featuring Jon Spencer (Listen!) 7. "Voodoo Child" - Jimi Hendrix 8. "Bed For The Scraping" - Fugazi (Listen!) *Links no longer here, but will still be up at my blog a while longer. Figured I should take them down before the guest login is deleted.


This gets to be difficult, doesn't it? Not in any order (and likely to change depending on my mood de jour): # Aimee Mann - Long Shot # Attila - Rollin' Home # Genesis - Down and Out # Smashing Pumpkins - Mouths of Babes # Songs:Ohia (Magnolia Electric Company) - Meet Me At The End Of The Line (Live) # Soundgarden - 4th of July # Steely Dan - Bodhisattva # Tori Amos - Take To The Sky # Wesley Willis Fiasco - Steve Albini # The Who - The Real Me from a cool kid named Chris.

Your Rand McNally of Rock

Something to listen to on that Freeway of Love. Or, alternately, the Road to Nowhere.[1] # Fairytale of New York - The Pogues # Mexican Moon - Concrete Blonde # Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon # Springfield, IL - Slobberbone # Young Americans - David Bowie # Los Angeles - Frank Black # Turning Japanese - The Vapors # Atlantic City - Bruce Springsteen # Trashville - Hank Williams III # Portland - The Replacements Posted by Pete [1] Highway to Hell was too obvious

JimSpot Rock CD

# Black 47 - Funky Ceílí (Bridie's Song) # Megadeth - Anarchy In The UK (Live) # Iron Maiden - Running Free # Helloween - Victim Of Fate (Kai Hansen Vocal) # Overkill - I Hate # Rollins Band - Illumination (Illuminator Remix) # Metallica - Whiplash # Rush - Tom Sawyer # Kiss - Cold Gin # Sister Machine Gun - Smash Your Radio! # Black Sabbath - Iron Man # Kid Rock - American Bad Ass # W.A.S.P. - Animal (Fuck Like A Beast) # Ace Frehley - Back In The NY Groove # Biohazard - Wrong Side Of The Tracks Okay, so I went over the 10 requested, but how does one STOP when trying to make a list like this? - Jim

Alex Moon's CD

Here we go: 1] AC/DC For those about to rock 2] Metallica - Enter Sandman 3] VAST - Glory Hole 4] Rolling Stones - Sympathy for the Devil 5] Guns n' Roses - Paradise City 6] Tom Petty - Free Falling 7] Bush - Glycerine 8] Joan Jett - Crimson and Clover 9] Bob Seger - Turn the page 10] Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls 11] Dire Straights - Money for nothing. 12] Elton John - Don't let the sun go down on me 13] Don McLean - American Pie [don't know if this counts as rock, but since it's about Rock and Roll, it should be included IMHO.] Posted by Alex Moon

skippystalin's Ultimate Rawk 3

I know, I know. I'm really long winded but here goes.... # Stalking - Bruce McCulloch # Little Bit Of Whore - Johnny Thunders # Angels Of The Silences- Counting Crows (From Across A Wire: Live in New York) # She's Always In My Hair - Prince # If - Janet Jackson # I Don't Care About You - Fear # Wanna Hold You - The Rolling Stones # Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys # I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman - Bill Clinton # Closer - Nine Inch Nails Oh, I have a blog http://enjoyeverysandwich.blogspot.com but it mostly sucks. I'm quite the salesman.

Ferro Lad's Mixology

[...in no particular order... of course, if I had my singles collection in front of me, this would be easier and better, but since I don't think they'll let me off work to sort thru my 45's...] 1. The Byrds - So You Want To Be A Rock 'N' Roll Star 2. McCoys - Hang On Sloopy 3. Bonnie Raitt - You Told Me Baby 4. Rascals - Good Lovin' 5. Doug Sahm and Sons - You're Gonna Miss Me 6. Sniff and the Tears - Driver's Seat 7. Squeeze - Tempted 8. Sister Double Happiness - Red Temple Prayer (Two Headed Dog) 9. Sweet - Little Willie 10. Velvet Underground - I Heard Her Call My Name 11. XTC - Senses Working Overtime

what a boob

Just a short break in the action to tell you that the woman who filed this lawsuit should be publicly flogged. Also, Open Mic is availble until 5pm, at which time the guest login will close, and I will pick one song from each person's list to make my own. Just because I can.

skippystalin's Ultimate Rawk 2

1. Touch Too Much - AC/DC 2. The Other Kind - Steve Earle 3. 'Cause Cheap Is How I Feel - Cowboy Junkies 4. The Ledge - The Replacements 5. Mother, Mother - Tracy Bonham 6. Girl - The Beatles 8. Political Science - Randy Newman 9. Desperados Under the Eaves - Warren Zevon 10. Before They Make Me Run - the Rolling Stones 11. Violet - Hole 12. Flower - Liz Phair 13. Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins 14. Invitation To The The Blues - Tom Waits 15. Groovy Times - The Clash 16. Campaigner - Neil Young

Brendan's Mix

# Guns and Roses - Coma # Pixies - Where is My Mind # Bush - Glycerine # Pink Floud - Wish You Were You Here # Butthole Suffers - Pepper # Blind Melon - Tones of Home # Deftones - Back to School # Foo Fighters - Darling Nikki # Weezer - The Sweeter Song # Tom Petty - I Won't Back Down

My CD list

After seeing this, I realize that I am in time to get in on this one. This was, however, much harder to keep to 10 songs, though much more interesting this way. My list: # Substitute, The Who # Everybody's Got Something To Hide (Except for Me and My Monkey), The Beatles # A Town Called Malice, The Jam (the token ballad on the CD) # Complete Control, The Clash # Holy Wars (The Punishment Due), Megadeth # Hello from the Gutter, Overkill # Mayonaise, The Smashing Pumpkins (this one's just for Michele....) # Negative Creeep, Nirvana # Die with your Boots On, Iron Maiden (Off of Live After Death) # It's My Life, No Doubt (the token cover song on the CD) Mike, (blogless)


In no particular order:

  1. The Sonics - Strychnine
  2. Hasil Adkins - She Said
  3. Ganimian & His Orientals - Come with Me to the Casbah
  4. Davie Allan & the Arrows - The Chase
  5. Ministry - Jesus Built My Hotrod
  6. The Yardbirds - Stroll On
  7. LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out (on MTV Unplugged)
  8. The Beach Boys - It’s About Time
  9. Bob Seger & the Last Heard - Vagrant Winter
  10. Dick Dale - Miserlou
  11. Bunker Hill - The Girl Can't Dance
  12. Fleetwood Mac - Oh Well
  13. The Fabs - That’s the Bag I’m In
  14. John Barry - Beat Girl
  15. The 5 Du-Tones - Shake a Tail Feather
  16. The Stonemans - Orange Blossom Special
  17. Gangster Fun - I Wanna Be Like You
  18. The Stooges - I Wanna Be Your Dog
  19. The Velvet Underground - I Heard Her Call My Name
  20. Linda Gayle - Maggie’s Farm

A lot of these probably don't count as “Rock”. Oh well.

My name is Kim Scarborough. My homepage and blog are down at the moment, but should be back tonight or tomorrow.

First Time, Long Time...

This list is primarily a classic rock collection, but here goes: # Led Zepplin - Communication Breakdown # Metallica - Enter Sandman # The Doors - LA Woman # Guns and Roses - Welcome to the Jungle # Pink Floyd - Young Lust # AC/DC - Back in Black # Aerosmith - Train Kept a Rollin' # Cream - White Room # Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze # Led Zepplin - Bring it on Home There ya have it. Posted by Sherard (blogless) PS - the title of the post is in reference to a cheesey radio show caller. Long time reader, first time guest poster.

JustLisa's List

# Bush - Come Down # SevenDust - Bitch # Kid Rock - Only God Knows Why # Rob Zombie - Dragula # Trapt - Headstrong # AC/DC - Back in Black # Van Halen - Humans Being # Metallica - Aint My Bitch # Puddle of Mudd - Blurry # Billy Squier - Lonely Is the Night Posted by JustLisa

Time/Life ain't got nothin' on me

Hm. Rock. I can do this: # AC/DC - TNT # Motley Crue - Public Enemy #1 # Judas Priest - You Got Another Thing Comin' # Def Leppard - Photograph # Joan Jett - Do You Wanna Touch? # Stone Temple Pilots - Sex Type Thing # White Zombie - Thunderkiss '65 # Coal Chamber - Sway # Disturbed - Stupify # Ministry - NWO # The Darkness - I Believe in a Thing Called Love Of course, this list might also double as the Ultimate Stripper Song selection, too...

OK, So I'm Old

# Down on Me - Big Brother & the Holding Co. # Castles Made of Sand - Jimi Hendrix # Strange Brew - Cream # Can't You Hear Me Knockin'? - Rolling Stones # Every Picture Tells a Story - Rod Stewart & Faces # Trampled under Foot - Led Zepplin # Personality Crisis - NY Dolls # Julie's Been Working for the Drug Squad - Clash # The Fire Down Below - Bob Seger # Keep Your Hands to Yourself - Georgia Satellites Posted By CiaoChow.

Kevin's Old Guy Rock

# Reeling in the Years - Steely Dan # Lawyers, Guns and Money - Warren Zevon # Lie to Me - Johnny Lang # You Really Got Me - The Kinks # Twist and Shout - The Beatles # Stay With Me - Faces (with Rod Stewart) # Back in Black - AC/DC # What I Like About You - The Romantics # Loser - Beck # Simply Irresistible - Robert Palmer

A Rock Collection, by the Limey Brit

Presented in the order in which I thought of them: # Crazy Train ~ Ozzy # The Fly ~ U2 # Danger Zone ~ Kenny Loggins # Eclipse ~ Pink Floyd # Rush of Blood to the Head ~ Coldplay # Sweet Child of Mine ~ Guns and Roses # Joyride ~ Roxette # If it Makes You Happy ~ Sheryl Crow # Fake Plastic Trees ~ Radiohead # Drive ~ REM I am the Limey Brit.

Anastasia's Ultimate CD Version 1

The original plan was to try to make a rock CD that crossed decades, genres and was still good. I managed to cover the '70s '80s and 90's and managed to find one tolerable song for the new century and managed to keep most of it up beat. # The Blues - Elton John # New York State of Mind - Billy Joel # Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen # Just Like Heaven - The Cure # Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode # It Can Happen - Yes # Its My Life - Talk Talk # The Chain - Fleetwood Mac # Red Rain - Peter Gabriel # Even Flow - Pearl Jam # Hard to Breathe - Maroon 5 Just a thought. Posted by Anastasia.

Marty's ten songs

1. Number of the Beast Iron Maiden (preferably off Live after Death) 2. Here I go Again Whitesnake (either off Slide it In or 1987, not the "radio edit") 3. Paradise City Guns n' Roses 4. Werewolves of London Warren Zevon 5. Livin' After Midnight Judas Priest 6. Wake up Dead Megadeth 7. 10,000 Lovers in One TNT 8. No More Tears Ozzy Osborne 9. After the Rain Nelson 10. Somebody Save Me Cinderella There were quite a few bubbling under, but this is not a bad list. There are quite a few permanent members of this list, however three or four might drop off depending on my mood.

Mouse's Ultimate Rock CD

# Rush - The Spirit Of Radio # Van Halen - Unchained # Iron Maiden - Die With Your Boots On # Rollins Band - Hotter And Hotter # Rage Against The Machine - Renegades Of Funk # Queensryche - Revolution Calling # Extreme - Am I Ever Gonna Change # Queen - One Vision # Motley Crue - Looks That Kill # Rush - Freeze (sorry, for me, all things begin and end with Rush...)

Well, *I* Think It's Rock

1. Oleander - Down When I'm Loaded 2. Bjork - Army of Me 3. George Michael - Faith 4. Prodigy - Firestarter 5. Divinyls - I Touch Myself 6. Philosopher Kings - I am the Man 7. Puretone - Addicted to Bass 8. Hoobastank - Can I Buy You a Drink 9. Crystal Method - Keep Hope Alive 10. KC & the Sunshine Band - Boogie Man It's eclectic. Sue me.

Mystery Guest's CD

Who am I? 1. Rick Springfield - Prayer 2. Trout Fishing in America - Cracked Up 3. Warren Zevon - Angel Dressed In Black 4. Ramones - I Don't Wanna Grow Up 5. Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party 6. Tom Petty - Won't Back Down 7. Pink Floyd - Not Now John 8. Rolling Stones - Mixed Emotions 9. (unknown, from Jay and Silent Bob Sndtk) - Kick Some Ass 10. Van Halen - Panama (I guess Weird Al's Christmas At Ground Zero isn't quite upbeat)

Jay's Rock CD

This is a pretty cool idea. So, I, Jay C. present the following list: # AC/DC - Back In Black # Metallica - Enter Sandman # Iron Maiden - The Trooper # Incubus - Pardon # Linkin Park - Faint # Jimi Hendrix - Fire # Anthrax - Madhouse # The Clash - London Calling # System of A Down - Chop Suey # Bon Jovi - Wanted Dead Or Alive (Yes, as a Jersey guy I am a Bon Jovi fan, so shut the hell up) # The Beatles - Lovely Rita # Van Halen - Eruption/You Really Got Me That should easily fit.

I Don't Rock

1. Hanging Garden - The Cure 2. Failures - Joy Division 3. Anything - Dramarama 4. I Don't Know Why I Love You - House of Love 5. What Girls Want - Material Issue 6. Stand In The Doorway - School of Fish 7. Misery Loves Company - Mike Ness 8. Jungle Telegraph - Eels 9. 24 Hours - Joy Division 10. She's A Lady - Tom Jones Rodya, who tried very hard not to use two from one group.

A Couple Of Tips

Hi gang, it's Kevin checking in with a few open mic day tips. Thanks for making my job easy and not wandering off topic. A Small Victory uses Textile fomatting (which you don't have to know anything about) that allows you to easily create numbered lists. That feature can come in handy today. Simply place a pound sign, followed with a space at the start of your list entries. The pound sign has to be the first character on the line. Puting this:
# Song One # Song Two # Song Three
In your lists, should display like this: # Song One # Song Two # Song Three Also, if you've got a blog please do leave a link at the bottom of the post as well. Something like, "Posted by Kevin"

Steve's Rock CD

Don't think this fits the "many genres" requirement, but oh well: # Black Sabbath -- Paranoid # Rush -- YYZ # Dio -- Holy Diver # Metallica -- Battery # Megadeth -- Hangar 18 # Anthrax -- Got the Time # Ozzy -- No More Tears # Pantera -- F%$&ing Hostile # Faith No More -- Land of Sunshine # White Zombie -- More Human than Human # Disturbed -- Stupify # Mudvayne -- Dig Went a couple over, but I think it would still fit on a CD. Posted by Steve


1. Sweet Child of Mine - Guns & Roses 2. Back Seat Lover - Aerosmith 3. Gimme Good Lovin - Sam & Dave 4. Sympathy for the Devil - Stones 5. Tush - ZZ Top 6. It's My Life - Bon Jovi 7. Born in the USA - Springsteen 8. I Like it Like That - Dave Clark Five 9. Honky Tonk Women - Stones 10. Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar

Rockin' with Eddie T.

Oh, how fun! I've always wanted to do this. Ok, tunes that really rock for Eddie's ultimate CD: (I'll try to do this somewhat chronologically) 1. Rock Around the Clock -- Bill Haley and the Comets 2. She Loves You -- The Beatles 3. Last Time -- The Rolling Stones 4. Rock and Roll -- Led Zepplin 5. Born to Be Wild -- Steppenwolf 6. Highway Star -- Deep Purple 7. Back in Black -- AC/DC 8. I Want to Be Sedated -- The Ramones 9. Bringin' On the Heartbreak -- Def Leppard 10. A Million Miles Away -- The Plimsouls 11. Alex Chilton -- The Replacements 12. Here Comes Your Man -- The Pixies Ok, I kinda stopped there in the '80's, didn't I? Well, if Michele lets us do this again, I'll come up with volume II. Thanks, Michele. You rock!

Hard Times Rock

# Tush - ZZ Top # The End Of The World As We Know It - REM # Rock N Roll All Nite - KISS # Welcome to The Working Week - Elvis Costello # Wang Dang Sweet Poontang - Ted Nugent # Elvis Is Everywhere - Mojo Nixon # Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd # Somebody Put Something In My Drink - The Ramones # Walk This Way - Aerosmith # Holiday In Cambodia - The Dead Kennedys Rock On, Skillzy

My KTEL Wet Dream

I'm sticking to the ten song limit, as painful as it is. 1. Happy Hour - The Housemartins 2. Reception - Trip Shakespeare 3. Mountain Song - Jane's Addiction 4. Wrong Way - Sublime 5. The Trees - Rush 6. The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down - The Band 7. All That Money Wants - Psychedelic Furs 8. Run to the Hills - Iron Maiden 9. Chloe Dancer - Mother Love Bone 10. Earn Enough For Us - XTC Here is my name somewhere in the post: Matt


1. Blue Oyster Cult - Don't Fear the Reaper 2. Foreigner - Jukebox Hero 3. Van Halen - Ice Cream Man 4. AC/DC - Shoot To Thrill 5. Rush - Tom Sawyer 6. Toto - Hold the Line 7. Police - Synchronicity 2 8. Alice In Chains - Would? 9. Faith No More - Midlife Crisis 10. Tool - Stinkfist

skippystalin's Ultimate Rawk

1. Nadine - Chuck Berry 2. Get Off of My Cloud - the Rolling Stones 3. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash 4. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin 5. The KKK Took My Baby Away - the Ramones 6. Pretty Vacant - the Sex Pistols 7. Trenchtown Rock - Bob Marley and the Wailers 8. My Best Friend's Girl - the Cars 9. (I Don't Want to Go to) Chelsea - Elvis Costello and the Attractions 10. Goin' Out West - Tom Waits 11. Welcome to the Jungle - Guns n' Roses 11. On a Plain - Nirvana

The Ultimate Rock CD: Open Mic Day

Stealing someone's post sure makes it easy to blog. Thanks to Solonor, we have a good topic for today:
Hey Solonor- I'm trying to come up with the Ultimate Rock CD. The criteria is as follows: -The songs have to be relatively short (so no Rosalita or Stairway to Heaven, for example). -The songs must be upbeat in tempo. -The songs must ROCK (yes, in capital letters). -The songs must be inclusive of all rock "eras" (so in theory it would appeal to a teenager and to old farts like us). -Only one song from each artist (try picking one Green Day or Ramones song). ... Maybe you could put this up on your web site, I’d love to get lot’s of ideas.
Far be it from me to let a good list making opportunity go by. And by that I mean you making the list, not me. You get to list up to ten songs (Solly was generous and let his readers list twenty). Ok fine, you can list more than ten. I don't want anyone accusing me of being cheap with the song lists. And, I'll change it a little by saying not only should you represent all rock eras, but fit as many rock genres in there as well. There's no ultimate point to this other than it will start some good fights and and the lists will be fun to read and if you keep the lists numerous and interesting, I won't have to blog again today and I can go back to bed, where I'm supposed to be. We're going to do this two ways: You can either do it the open mic way, by logging in and making your own post (you MUST put your name on the post somewhere) or, if you are too lazy to do that, use the comments on this post. If you've got a blog, link it. Free advertising! Have fun, play nice (or kind of nice) and I'll be back to make fun of enjoy your lists later. login URL username: guest pw: guest1 Kevin will be watching you, so don't abuse the open mic policy.

February 04, 2004

what the hell am i doing here

To make up for the crazy dots: [click for supah size] [as my husband's manager it is my duty to tell you that he will be taking orders on prints starting next week]

i'm a creep

countthedots.jpg You can take the person away from the blog but you can't take the blog away from the person. Or something like that. I just miss being mean.

She's Going To Kill Me

Guest entry removed. I have mono, people. I'm not dying. I appreciate the intention the guest poster had here, but I have a virus. Save the bake sale efforts for when I need to be bailed out of jail or something like that. [I left the comments because y'all are so nice]

February 03, 2004


Husband here. She's a liar. She moved the couch, not me. I sent her back to bed and she won't be back here for a couple of days.

Worst. Week. Ever.

Yea. It is. And it's not even halfway over. My dear husband (who I think is doing this just because he's sick of me whining) has moved the couch over in front of the computer and hooked up the wireless keyboard and mouse. So I'll be obeying all of my doctors (that means you), but I'll still be able to blog. Is that ok with you guys or am I going to get a bunch of emails telling me to get back in bed?

February 02, 2004

electric bugaloo

Husband's Showcase, vol. 5: click for supah-size

Up with People!

You misunderstood me. [Dictated over the phone to me, Michele's sister, because she is on the couch like a good girl.] What I meant is that the media is getting their collective panties in a bunch over one boob to the point of ridiculousness. However, I am with you on the other issue: That halftime show was skanky and had no place in a venue that was partially targeted towards families. Whatever happened to Up With People? How about a nice round of I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing? That's why we watch hockey around here. No cheerleaders, no boobs, just plenty of that family-friendly fighting.

we interupt this sickness to bring you an important notice

At the risk of angering a few of my friends, I get off the couch momentarily to say: It was a TIT. Get over it. A breast. A nipple. A boob. My eleven year old son has seen more than that on commercials. Hello, awards shows, anyone? Magazine ads? Is it really that big of a deal? The bigger deal should be that, once again, the halftime show sucked ass and next year they should just forego the whole thing and have a hot dog eating contest instead. Oh, nevermind. People will be offended by the weeners. Calling in the FCC? Jesuschristonapogostick, people - didn't Victoria's Secret air a special last year that showed more skin than that? Call me when someone whips their dick out on national television. That will be news. Note to Drudge: Get a grip, dude. Five stories, fifty point headlines and an animated jpeg all over a breast that anyone who watches MTV has seen already? Isn't there a Botox story you should be covering? Yea, back to bed. Going.

Open Discussion: Reunited and it feels so good

[Michele said I could do this. And she says thanks to everyone who has sent her get well wishes] As you know, Michele is addicted to VH1's Bands Reunited. So today's open thread (I think she'll be doing an open thread each day until she is well enough to blog again, which may be a while) is this: What band would you like to see reunited? What song would you like them to play? What band do you think she never be reunited? Etc., along those lines. Ok. Have fun. I'll call her later and tell her to read the results when she gets her fifteen minutes at the computer. [And don't forget that one of her guest posters started a telethon for her. She'll kill me when she sees I mentioned that but at least she won't have the energy to kill me for a couple of weeks]

February 01, 2004

PSA to my wonderful guests

Thank you for your guest posting. You guys are sweet. However, I've disabled the guest logins for now, for reasons that are strictly my own. Besides, I have something else up my sleeve. Thanks for keeping the place active while you were here. I'll be back as soon as I feel better. And yes, Justin Timberlake did expose Janet Jackson's tit during halftime. Worth the price of sitting through that crapfest, I'd say. The pic is right here.

The shocking surprise

The shocking surprise performer at Halftime wasn't Michael Jackson as rumored. He's dealing with a little illegal use of the hands penalty right now.

Just Because...

Your hostess is recovering from mono, do not assume that you can spray graffiti on the walls here. The latest version of MT-Blacklist v1.63 has been installed, and I'm using the very handy NOFILTER despam search to add URL's to the blacklist and delete spam comments. A Small Victory will not get overrun by blog spam in Michele's absence, you can count on that.

February 1, 2003

Remembering Columbia

Day 2 of the Small Victory Telethon

Let's get those numbers up, people! The tote board is looking pretty grim right now, and we're nowhere near our goal. Come on! We've got the mean disease. We've got the hot poster child. What the hell more do you want? Mono isn't funny. How could it be when you realize that you get it by hanging around these two: