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November 30, 2002

buy nothing everything

I would like to thank everyone for particpating in Got It, Spend It Day. It was a rousing success. We sent quite a message, didn't we?

Let's hear it for consumerism!

body count

Gotta love Reuters:

At least 1,687 Palestinians and 668 Israelis have been killed since the uprising began in September 2000 after peace talks on a Palestinian state foundered.

I wonder what the numbers would be if they used only civilian casualties? And that does not include the Palestinian suicide bombers.

make him sorry he asked

Joe's register is open in aisle 5. No waiting. Barter only.

Hey, if you don't want to go over there and take over Joe's comments, you should at least go read the exchange between us.

He thinks he can swap a useless Stretch Armstrong for an ELO 8-track. Hah! I'm now teasing him with my Castle Greyskull and Return of the Jedi lunchbox.

Fo shizzle.

Bloggerville's Favorite Holiday Movies

I've got some Nick Cave on the winamp, a tequila Bloody Mary, and a brand new keyboard. I'm ready to roll. Let's get this Christmas thing rolling, shall we? I mean, all my neighbors have their lights set to Yankee Stadium brightness already and the guy down the block has a ten foot Homer Simpson as Santa inflatable thing on his front lawn. Mmmm....beer. Anyhow, for the first of many holiday related posts, I bring you:


This is the way it goes. Use the comments and give me your three favorite holiday movies. I'll tally them up in a few days and we will end up with the blogosphere's faves. Yea, it doesn't mean all that much in the end, but it's fun and it sure beats trolling Indymedia for stupid quotes.

The key here is my broad definition of holiday movie. To wit: A holiday movie can be any movie that is either about a winter holiday or takes place over the course of a winter holiday. A winter holiday would be Christmas, Hanakkuh, Kwanzaa and New Year, though I don't know if there are any Kwanzaa related movies. I'm just trying not to leave anyone out. Now please not the movie does not have to be about the holiday. For instance, two of my favorites are Die Hard and The Ref, both which take place at Christmastime but don't center around the holiday, per se.

Ok, that's a lot of wording for something that's supposed to be fun.

Three favorites, no particular order. Tomorrow or Monday I'll whittle it down to the top five finalists if there are enough entries. What are you waiting for, go!

meat is murder. but not cop meat. that's activism.

The more I read the posts at Indymedia regarding the cop killer who posted his confession there, the more my stomach turns.

First up, Emily:

(I put it in the MORE link because it was just waaaay too long)

Sigh..once again a man tries to make a statement about how shitty this country is and everyone hates him. WAKE UP. Sure, killing isn't cool...but how the hell else is anyone going to pay attention to what he has to say?

How else? Maybe he should have gotten involved in those things he hates in order to affect change. Run for city council, work his way up. Did this guy really think that the world was going to stop in its tracks and head off in another direction because some cretin killed a cop to send a message?

Why can't u people look past the fact that he shot someone (which our wonderful government officials and police men do EVERYDAY and then get glorification for it) and realize that although his tactic was bad, his intentions were good. All he wanted was to spread the awareness about how shitty our state-of life is, and he sure as hell did didn't he?? He certainly got us to listen, even though it was at the sake of someone else's life. But isn't that how America always gets its way, by destroying lives until that particular country or whatever it may be gives in?

First of all you dimwit, when a cop kills someone that is say...robbing a bank or pointing a gun at them or robbing little old ladies for crack money, it's called justified. Shooting an innocent husband and father who is doing nothing more than filling up his gas tank is ludicrous. And please, let's not compare one freak with a gun to a country protecting democracy. The killer of that cop wasn't protecting anyone or serving anyone excpet his own dillusions.
If anything, I'd say he was one hell of a citizen! He was doing exactly what all the bigs guys in the white house do, but I guess they got a little jealous because someone figured their plan out. I mean, think about it...haven't you all just wanted to kill that asshole boss or snotty teacher, but didn't have the balls because you'd get in trouble? YOU are the cowards. YOU are the ones who are afraid to stand up for what YOU believe in, and not what your bibles and officials and kings tell you to. OPEN UP YOUR FUCKING EYES AND REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT FREE, THAT WE ARE CONSTANTLY CONTROLLED BY AN OVER-POWERFUL, UNFAIR GOVERNMENT.

Emily, you are a fucknozzle. The difference between wanting to kill someone and actually doing it is the difference between a lowlife bastard and a person with a conscience. Coward? Me? Hardly. Only a coward would think that the only way to get someone to hear him is to take another life. If he was truly brave, Andy would have killed himself instead, leaving a note that the suicide was due to the horrid state of his world. What better way to send a message than to give your own life for the cause?

From Doc Beard:

Well, all thisa shows to me is there are alot of angry people out, there.
The question is why are you angry?
Is it because an innocent cop has been killed?
Or because our lives are so controled that you can no longer buy a piece of clothing without it being made in a third-world sweat shop?

Hmm..let me think here, Oscar. Where my sweater was made or an innocent person killed to make an assinine statement.

Yep, it's the murder I'm pissed about.

From a tin foil hat wearer who calls himself Reefer Madness:

The King County Jail said an Andrew Hampton Mickel of Olympia was booked April 20 for obstructing a public official. Mickel was released by the court April 21. "

April 20, 4/20, 420, get it?

Hmm, I wonder if our perpetrator is some kind of genius at manufacturing conspiracies. Ut oh spaghettio, could it be that this is all a manufacture of the Illuminati, like 9/11 was?

Ah yes. The dreaded Illuminati. They sure are a busy bunch, what with planning 9/11 and all. Hard to believe they have the time to murder a cop, pin it on a dumb fuck of a kid, all to discredit the loony left. Yea, that's the ticket. Asswipe.

From Siobhan:

Some ask where we would be without police... I believe innocent people would not be killed for no reason and then have the cops blame THEM for it...

I believe in anarchy No rules No Government No Masters of anykind... Contrary to popular belief Anarchy is not chaos and is not the worst form of government ...

Anarchy can work if we don't have stupid fascists bossing us around... We could just do what we want... and to keep some sense of order...There might need to be one rule:You may not fatally injure or kill another life form

Ok, bright light. If you have just one rule but no government or masters or policemen, who is going to enforce the no murder rule? Let me tell you miss anarchist - if we had the nation you so desire it would end up looking much like the world every bad post-apocalyptic movie and in all of ten minutes you would find yourself chained to a big badass named Bruno who will make you his bitch for the rest of your unfortunate years.

From a Mr. Straight Zipper:

Next time, kill us a fucking Senator, or Pentagon Chief of Staff, or even the President, for fuck sakes!

Useless fucking bastard.

Let me guess, SZ. You're a straight edge vegan, right? You wouldn't kill an animal for food because the poor little animal has feelings and rights, but a human? Sure, kill a human as long as he doesn't think like you! Don't look now, but your priorities are showing. And man, are they ugly.

From Nessie:

I, for one, am beginning to wonder if this entire incident is not a total fabrication. We have only the government’s word on this thing. That’s not good enough. They’ve lied to us too many times. It is entirely possible that an innocent cop was murdered in cold blood and an equally innocent patsy was set up to take the fall. Thing like that happen often. Usually it’s about money or love, but sometimes it is about politics. This is more than just a crime, it’s politics. In politics, almost nothing is what it appears to be on the surface.

It is entirely conceivable that it was set up to discredit the global justice moment, and IMC in particular. IMC has many enemies who also use three letter names. Then there’s the Mossad. There are more, a lot more, but you get the picture. Every one of them has a long history of sacrificing pawns to achieve tactical advantage. Every one of them is ruthless, amoral and armed to the teeth. Every one of them is suspect, or should be.

Wow. Is everything in the world a fabrication or conspiracy to these people? IT seems like they came up with a good way to deflect any responsibility for the actions of activists who do things in their name. Just call it a government cover up.

I could do this all day, but I won't. I'm getting too aggravated and I think I'm going to follow in Nikita's footsteps and start drinking.

Oh, and I've just added Indymedia to my Christmas list. I'm going to every single one of their posters a spelling and grammar workbook. I think the 4th grade level ought to do.

did i just hear a door slam?

I don't want "feedback!" I don't want to hear The Other Side®D.N.C.! And I'm not even really interested in the "Centrist" Middle and if you're smart, you won't be either. I don't care if you call yourself a "Conservative" Dimocrat or a "Liberal" Republican: I call you an IDIOT. Take it outside! and don't come back!

I think she just called me - and plenty of other people - a stupid idiot. Actually, I'm sort of speechless on this one.

update: as always, Arthur handles it more eloquently than I.

and in the end

This is a long one, folks - several different tangents converging here. Funerals do that to you.

When we arrived at the church for the funeral mass, there was still another funeral in progress. We waited outside, talking amongst ourselves and reminiscing about Aunt Jo and her sisters.

After a while, the other funeral started to let out. It had been for a man who was hit by a car while crossing a busy street. He was a New York City police officer, though it wasn't clear whether he was active or retired at the time of his death. What was clear, however, were these facts: He was recently divorced and homeless.

What struck me about that was the amount of people who came to mourn him. A mother, a brother, what appeared to be young grandchildren - all crying, all obviously very upset. I looked around at the mourners and thought how was this man homeless when all these people seemed to have loved him so? It occurred to me that he was probably homeless by choice, as most of these stories go. That made the mourning that was taking place, especially by the children, even sadder.

And there I was, ready to enter the church for a mass for Aunt Jo, who was 85 years old when she died and never let a day pass her by when she didn't live to the fullest. I was sad, but not mournful. I was glad for the life she had, for the children she brought into the world, for the love that she showered her family with. There are so many different kinds of mourning; so many ways to accept or deny a death.

As an atheist, I am almost always uncomfortable in a church. The ritualistic nature of Catholicism, the imagery scattered throughout the church - it leaves me uneasy. Many years ago, I had joined up with my church again in the hopes of filling a void in my life. By the time I turned heel and left, the void had become larger and my unease with the church led to me to face the fact I always believe but, due to my Catholic guilt and fear, never verbalized: I was an atheist. I did not believe in God, in Jesus, in any doctrine the church holds to be true.

So now, here I was, sitting in the church pew once again, facing another hour long mass. I looked aroud me at all the friends and family there. Few know about my atheism. My family is a religious group for the most part and quite judgmental. My parents know, my sisters know, but none of the cousins or aunts know and I choose not to reveal it because frankly, it is none of their business.

So the mass begins and the priest comes out. Now, you have to understand one thing about my Aunt Jo. She was devoted to the church. She went to mass every day, sitting in the same spot, with the same people. She belonged to prayer groups and particpated in everything the church had to offer.

I don't know if you've ever been to a funeral mass, but you can always tell when the priest giving the mass did not know the deceased. They tend to read from a script provided by the family, but the warmth and depth of the loved one never comes through. With Aunt Jo, there was no need for a script. Not only did this priest know her, he thought very highly of her. He gave a warm, wonderful eulogy for Aunt Jo and choked up enough a couple of times that he had to stop and gather himself. As I listened to him, I found that I was no longer squirming as if I was sitting on a bed of nails being tortured. I listened to him with my heart.

As the mass went on, I watched my family members and I realized something. All those things I don't like about the church - the rituals, the imagery, the symbolic gestures - were the things that were giving comfort to Aunt Jo's family. The familiarty of the hymns, the bringing of the gifts, even the constant kneel down-stand up-sit down rythmn of the mass was like a comfortable blanket of compassion to them.

For some, religion brings peace and comfort. To believe that loved ones are in the hands of God or just the act of reaching out your hands and saying a prayer over their draped coffin can do so much for someone in emotional pain. I don't begrudge my relatives their religiousness at all, nor do I envy it. It is not for everyone, most certainly not for me, but the comfort it gives to others in turn comforts me.

It came time to receive communion and I panicked. What do I do? If I sat in the pew while every other person -save for my Jewish brother-in-law - went up, they would know. I know, this should not bother me so much, but I didn't feel this was the time to call attention to myself and my non-belief because, believe me you have no idea what my relatives are like. I would be the talk of the day. So I asked myself, what would Aunt Jo want me to do? Well of course, Aunt Jo wouldn't want me to be an atheist to begin with. I figured she would want me to go up and receive communion and just play nice. So I did.

When I got back to the pew, my sister was furious with me. I realized then what a mistake I made. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have stayed put and let everyone else go up, but I acted selfishly. I worry endlessly about what other people think about me; I didn't want the tongues to start wagging. I'm already a black sheep as it is, I didn't need to be pushed out further. I was wrong, I know this and I apologize to anyone who is offended by a former Catholic turned atheist accepting communion to save face.

Later on, at the cemetery, Aunt Jo's son talked about the four sisters. Aunt Jo, Aunt Louise, Aunt Anna and my grandmother Millie. They are all gone now, every one of them. Chip looked around at the people gathered by the gravesite and said (paraphrasing for lack of full memory):

Many years ago, two immigrants came to this country with nothing but one suitcase. They gave us four daughters who in turn gave us all this (looking around at all the relatives). The daughters gave us sons and daughters who in turn gave us more sons and daughters. My mother was part of that; she and her sister brought so much joy and love into this world. You are what they have left behind.

And it's so true; we are our parents' legacy, just as our children are ours. From life comes more life and in death, love and joy are left behind. At least that is what we all hope for.

No, no sappy ending here about how I learned today to live each day to the fullest. None of that. Just that we are more than our paychecks and our toys and our jobs. What we leave behind is so often measured in money and belongings, scattered among relatives. I believe if you instead measure it in love and joy and comfort, you will find people are richer than they know.

In my high school yearbook under my picture is this quote:

And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make

22 years later, that belief is still with me.

of underwear and christmas

When you have kids in the house, disease spreads like widlfire and bounces back and forth between family members the entire winter. Today is my turn with the Disease of the Week: the monster head cold.

I'm off to Aunt Jo's funeral now and I imagine after that I'll spend the whole day in front of this computer, complaining about the world at large, though I am preparing my annual Christmas list posts; holiday movies, mix cd's for the season and tasteless Christmas decorations awards. I always take suggestions, so start thinking about the above and what would be on your list, and if you have any links to horrible holiday decorations, please let me know.

I'll be back after paying my respects to Aunt Jo and silently thanking her for all those gifts of underwear on my birthday when I was little, and the '73 gold Plymouth Duster she gave me when I was 20 and proceeded to crack up in an accident.

November 29, 2002


I'm thinking of starting a notification list for when this blog is updated. My pings to weblogs.com don't always go through, and not everyone uses blogroll and gets that neat updated feature on their links list. Is anyone interested in being on such a list? Should I bother?

Happy Hanukkah!

Of note: We have decided, at the request of several people, to wait until Monday to send the money to the Pizza for IDF fund (see sidebar). We are above the $1,000 mark and I do believe some soldiers are going to be very grateful come Monday. If you were waiting to donate, now is the time to do it.

Also, Anthony from Washington D.C., thank you very much for the copy of An Autumn of War by Victor Davis Hanson. That was very kind of you.

from the peta files

click for extra tall grande size

The fine folks at PETA are now playing the terrorism card, which shouldn't suprise anyone being that they are an organization that uses mental terrorism to coerce young people into going vegan. No, that is not an overstatement. Anyone remember the Burger King protests? Well I do, because they were at my local Burger King, handing out paper crowns to kids; crowns covered in fake blood with what looked like entrails dripping from the points. Nice, eh?

Now they are hanging posters and airing commercials that equate people who eat meat with terrorists. The poster reads:

"Do exactly as we say and nobody gets hurt. Resist and innocent creatures will be beaten, scalded alive, and dismembered and their throats slit, while countless people are poisoned at random by food laced with deadly bacteria.”

It has nothing to do with terrorists, although it may appear that way, and everything to do with turkey.

The TV spot says basically the same thing while it shows a group of store employees and shoppers cowering while a voice on the store's speaker system reads the above lines.

I have a problem with people who put the lives of animals above the lives of human beings, and that's basically what PETA does on a consistent basis, so much so that they don't care about frightening children or making a mockery of the heightened state of nervousness in this country in regards to terrorism.

I eat meat. I like meat. I do not blow up office buildings to get my hamburgers. I do not kill thousands of people at a time to get my steak. Yes, animals are killed so I can eat. But they are animals. Not humans. Does anyone from PETA realize what this earth would look like if we never killed animals for human consumption?

Eating meat is not terrorism, not even close. My pork chops do not bring down civilaztions. My bacon does not cause mothers to bury their children. I do not strap on a grenade belt every time I eat a bologna sandwich.

It is the mindset of extremists that everyone should follow their law of the land, everyone needs to think like them or at least be coerced into doing so. This is a free country and as such, what I want to eat for dinner is my choice, nobody else's. I'm not shoving a slab of meat in your face, don't shove your tofu turkeys in mine or my children's.

Kiss my carnivore ass, PETA


for me to poop on

I'm sitting here at work and there are about three people in the entire building. It's quiet as a morgue except for the clacking of keyboards, and those keyboards belong to Bonnie and I, and what we are typing has nothing to do with work, but with an email exchange about fecal matter and something called National Poop Day.

At home is a nice cozy living room, a sick husband who needs love and a quiet Friday night waiting to happen.

Guess where I'm going?

Spoke too soon. More work. No home. Oh well.

Carnival of the Vanities on tour!

Carnival of the Vanities is going on tour, and I'll be the first stop. This coming Wednesday, December 4, A Small Victory will be hosting COV#11.

For info on how to join the COV, see here.

If you haven't already sent a submission to Bigwig for #11 and you want to participate, please send to me at michele@asmallvictory.net. The sooner the better, as I have to read through all of the entries first. I know Bigwig ususally makes the deadline Tuesday evening, but we have basketaball that night, so I would appreciate it if you would get your submission to me by Tuesday morning, if possible.

ding dong

Ol' Dirty Laden is dead and Scott Koenig has the proof.

He's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead.

If You Got It, Spend It Day: It's For The Childrentm

Today is the official AdBusters Buy Nothing Day. It's a day when all the culture jammers keep their hard earned money in their pockets to send a message to corporate America that overconsumption will kill us all in the end.

Not in my backyard, kiddies. Today is If You Got It, Spend It Day. Hell, even if you don't got it, buy it.

Send a message to the world that we are gathered as one to keep our economy going. Send a message to the buy-nothing supporters that it is about the economy, stupid.

While the culture jammers will be having "swap meets, teach-ins, concerts, street theatre, credit-card cut-ups, postering, potlucks," instead of shopping, particpants of Got It, Spend It Day will be tearing up the aisles in toy stores looking for that Princess Barbie, swapping discount coupons, eating at chain restaurants and creating origami with their mile long store receipts.

While the Ad Busters believe that "Over consumption is mother of all our environmental problems," we believe that under consumption is the mother of all economical problems. While they say "the more you consume, the less you live," we say...umm, right.

Now, we are not suggesting that your run out to your nearsest mall or K-Mart on md2.jpgthis Black Friday. Anyone who ventures out to a store on this special day has to be insane. No, just sit in front of your computer and click away. Shop through catalogs. Order over the phone. You don't have to leave your house to

Anyone who is a parent knows what will happen if you hand out gift exemption vouchers to relatives in lieu of exchaning presents. There will be mutinity. Let's face it, our kids aren't Ned Flanders' kids. They won't get excited over an imaginary Christmas.

So buy something today. Buy anything. Just don't buy nothing. Do it For The Childrentm

we don't serve your kind in here

I am disgusted with my neighbors.

When I speak about Muslims and facetiously refer to the Religion of Peace on this site, it's obvious that I am talking about extremist Muslims; the militants who kill in the name of their god, the terrorists who have taken a religion and turned it into a rallying cry for death.

I've defended American Muslims here. I know quite a few; my daughter is friends with several American Muslims. I do not believe those that live in my community are terrorists or extremists. True, I sometimes take them to task for remaining silent in the face of people co-opting their religion for the sake of violence, but I do not for one minute resent the fact that any of them live here.

There was a meeting Tuesday night at the local library regarding a small mosque and school that local Muslims want to build where two rather large houses now exist. The members of the community who asked for the meeting claimed that their opposition to the construction of the mosque and school revolves around parking and traffic, and the quaility of life in the neighborhood.

The voices raised at the meeting proved otherwise.

A few East Meadow residents at the Tuesday meeting protested in moderate tones about the society's planned expansion and its tax-exempt religious status, which they said forces them to pay more than their fair share of property taxes.

But most of the meeting consisted of a barrage of angry shouts and anti-Muslim jeers directed at Rahman, his architect Hossein Alemzadeh, and his lawyer, Peter Morra. Meeting moderator Joseph Parisi, who heads the civic group, banged a gavel again and again, and shouted the audience down, to maintain order.

"Go park in Bangladesh!" one man shouted.

Some said they oppose the mosque because it would attract more Muslims to East Meadow, and they don't like Muslims, especially after last year's Sept. 11 attacks.

"A lot of people died in the name of your god. We don't kill in the name of our god," said Michelle Caio of East Meadow. About half those present cheered Caio's comments, while the rest shouted disagreement, to which she answered: "You don't want to admit it, but that's the issue. Parking's not the issue," Caio said to her neighbors. "I'm against building a mosque in the town I live in. I do not think this is the time after what happened last year."

Gina Caio, Michelle's cousin, also spoke. "We obviously don't want you here," she told Rahman. "Why would you want to be in a community that doesn't want you?"

The term "Ugly Americans" comes to mind. This is how gaps widen and this is why wars wage. Not all Muslims follow the same path as their terrorist counterparts; my angry neighbors would be wise to find other ways to voice their opinions so as not to make themselves appear to be ignorant, though it's too late for that.

When blind hatred permeates a person, there is no reasoning with them. I won't even try to speak to my neighbors about this because they are at that place where there is no turning back; they've committed themselves to blanket judgment and you cannot debate or argue successfully with people like that.

It's not so much their feelings but the way they express them that sickens me. There were so many other ways to say what they did, but they chose the path of bigoted name calling.

Just another answer to the why do they hate us question.

November 28, 2002

flipping you the bird

carcass.jpg mmmm.....turkey carcass

And how was your Thanksgiving?

thanksgiving - when the skeletons come flying out of the closet

The great thing about family get-togethers is that you always find out some deep, dark secret in the course of the dinner converstation.

My Aunt Anne let one slip this year, and I have found the root cause of my fear of burning to death: When I was little, my younger sister Jo-Anne tried to set me on fire by lighting matches and throwing them in my hair.

So today, when I found this out, I punched her in the arm and gave her a black and blue. There's no statute of limitations on sibling abuse is there?

Don't listen to anything she says in the comments, she's just in a state of denial.

Back across the street for the second round of dessert now.

one for the road

Furthering the constant state of nervousness:


Yesterday at approximately 4 p.m. (EST) North American Aerospace Defense Command received unverified reports of what appeared to be a contrail of unknown origin in the vicinity of the Turks and Caicos Islands in the Caribbean. Initially, it was reported to be heading northwestward toward the United States. Commercial airline pilots later reported the contrail over Florida and later over Indiana. Thereafter, no other sightings were reported.

NORAD scrambled fighter aircraft from several bases in an attempt to intercept and identify the source of the contrail. No visual or confirmed radar contact was made with the source of the contrail. NORAD continues to investigate these reports. NORAD is coordinating with the FAA to determine any further information on the nature of these reports.

I don't know what this means, but I don't like the thoughts that are surfacing in my brain.

Right now on FoxNews they are talking about surface to air missiles and reports of them being brought into the U.S., or that they may already be here.

I'm headed across the street to my parents' house now. Family, friends, football, lots of food and lots of alcohol. Just what the doctor ordered.

Of course, it's only across the street, so don't be surprised to find me back here at some point throwing out more paranoid thoughts. Feel free to slap me at any time.

If you get a chance, go over and say happy birthday to Robyn, a person who is very high up on my list of friends I am thankful for. She's turning the big 30 today. Life begins at 30, folks. Don't ever doubt that.

(view the "card" I made for Robyn)

a thanksgiving tale

I forgot to tell you my favorite Thanksgiving memory.

It was 1992. I was still married. We had Thanksgiving at my house - my family and my ex's family.

During dessert, my father punched my husband. There was a straw and a broken camel's back involved.

It wasn't a good event at the time, but hey - let's all look back and laugh at it now.

Well, I am.

so long, and thanks for all the underwear

Oh yea, and I have to go to a wake tonight.

My Aunt Jo died. Everyone has/had an aunt like her. The one who rearranged your cabinets every time she came over; the one who gave you undewear on every birthday; the one who parked her car fifteen feet from the curb every time.

Aunt Jo lived to her late 80's and worked up until the day she found out she had cancer. She lived a full, happy life for the most part.

I'll miss her.

I really should be attempting to bake right now. Or at least headed to the bakery. Why am I still sitting here?

And more importantly, does this font suck?

faster, please

Arafat cancels Christmas.

And the grinch's heart grew five times smaller this year.

Between him and Ol' Dirty Laden's troops and Saddam, I'm ready to get this war on. Bring me the head of all of them on a platter. Happy fucking Thanksgiving, everyone.

giving thanks

Let's try this again.

Today is Thanksgiving. Let us be thankful.

My family, the heart and soul of my life force. My husband, my children, my parents, my sister Jo-Anne, her husband Lew and their son David; my sister Lisa and her fiance Rob. I am grateful to have all of them in my life for many, many reasons.

My best friends, Barbara and Bonnie, who make life more bearable in those tough times and who make the good times full of laughter.

The friends I have made through this space on the web; I wish I could name all of you but I would be here all day. You have each touched me in different ways (no, not like that, you perv).

The enemies I have made as well, for they have taught me a bit about humility, patience and tolerance.

The Vast Right Wing Conpsiracy of blogging, for taking me in so willingly.

This country and the freedoms that come with living here.

The men and women of the armed forces who defend those freedoms for the rest of us.

There are so many other little things I am thankful for; the things that make me smile, the things that make me laugh, the things you take for granted sometimes.

I'm thankful for sunsets that turn the sky into a surreal painting. The colors of autumn that so often take my breath away with their beauty. A job that I love and bosses who make my job enjoyable. People who bring me pleasure and laughter in different ways - the authors of all the books I read and the artists and writers of all the comic books I obsess over, the musicians and singers whose music I listen to.

I'm thankful for tequila and coffee flavored ice cream and baja chalupas and grande frappaccinos; pinot grigio wine and waffles smothered in butter and syrup and filet mignon wrapped in bacon; digital cable and cable modems and networked computers and movies on demand.

And you. Every person who reads this site and comments here or sends me emails. This blog has kept me going through some rough times; not just the writing but the encouragement from all of you. I have learned a lot from my readers and the people whose blogs I read. I have laughed a lot, too. You guys are good company. Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the U.S.A. and peace and love to everyone else.

First round is on me!

paranoia, paranoia

As if I didn't have the creeps already, I get this comment about ten minutes ago on my post about feeding the IDF:

hello ,
Let`s 4 hours later, all every one (every human) pray to GOD to
disapear the Israel and A. Sharon (it takes just 30 seconds).
because they are very cruel, they aren`t human.

The IP resovles to:
Mohsen Naderi
No 93,5th St, Saadabad Ave, Tajrish
Tehran, IR

Even if this is just some nutcase trying to scare people, it doesn't help my sense of paranoia.

i've got a bad feeling about this...

I got up today expecting to make a nice little post wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. First, I looked at the CNN site to see what I missed overnight and my heart sunk.

At first I thought it was another attack in Israel. Then I read it carefully.

Two attacks. One in Mombassa, on an Israeli owned hotel.

A missile fired at an Israeli airliner.

And then the words that made my hair stand on end: Al Qaeda.

He said about 8:30 a.m. local time a vehicle pulled up to the entrance of the hotel and the men inside fought with security officers. The men were able to get past security and drove the car into the hotel reception area.

He said one of them men blew himself up in the lobby while two others set off explosives packed into the car.

About the same time, he said, a light plane flying overhead dropped at least three bombs in the direction of the hotel and beach nearby.

A London Muslim cleric who supports Osama bin Laden said that Islamic militant groups sympathetic to al Qaeda warned of an attack on Kenya one week ago on Internet chat rooms and in e-mails.

A radical London-based cleric suspected of links to Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida said on Thursday he also strongly believed the militant network was behind the car bomb and missile attacks. “It is definitely al-Qaida or a militant group that supports it. They have mostly attacked Westerners because the Israelis are difficult to reach but Israelis are their priority,” Abu Hamza al-Masri, who the United States suspects of links to al-Qaida, told Reuters.
"This is their way of showing their commitment to Palestine.”

That bad feeling I had about this holiday weekend has suddenly tripled.

November 27, 2002

one more time, with feeling

If you're looking for something funny, go read death by wax. Don't stay here.

Are you tired of this delinking thing yet? If you are, don't read ahead. Oh, this is not about me this time.

This time it's Wilde, a person whose site I have linked to for a while. You need to go there and read the whole story.

The person who delinked him is also a person on my blogroll. To say that I am stunned by her response to him is putting it mildly.

Let's get some things straight here. Just because you are registered in the name of one particular political party does not mean you hold all ideals of that party to be yours. Also, Republican is not another word for Conservative. The two are not always mutually exclusive.

Take my boss, for instance. He is a Democrat who also happened to run in the last election on the Conservative line also. Yes, he is a conservative Democrat. He is pro-Israel, pro-war and a host of other things not normally considered Democrat.

I am a registered Republican. I am pro-choice, pro gay-rights. Not things you usuallly think of when you hear the word Republican.

So, to dimiss someone because they are a democrat and you are not is to be blinded by labels. The delinker wrote in an email to Wilde:

Given you latest outburst as an attempt to censor me on my own blog ("don't call Dimocrats that") and your avowed personal goal of trying to restore the Democrat Party--something that is anathema to me and and the aims of my blog--I'm IP banning you and delinking you. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.
Given your avowed loyalties and purpose--which I have no interest in aiding or abetting--I have no choice.

I don't see how linking to someone from a different political party aids or abets their agenda. To me, that smacks of an oversized sense of self-importance. I, for one, hold no dreams that my blog is somehow going to have an impact on any election or any political movement. If I thought that by linking to others whose goals are anathema to mine would somehow be helping them achieve their goals and I delinked them, my blogroll list would be very short and my daily reading would be pretty boring.

Also, banning the IP of the offending blogger serves what purpose? All I see in that action is someone saying "Not only will I not link you because you think differently than me, but I won't even allow you to view my site. We don't serve your kind here." My stomach did a small turn when I read that she blocked his IP. Doing something like that only perpetuates the notion that bloggers are moving towards building cocoons. I have a feeling that if the delinker keeps it up, she will be all alone in her little place, with no links out on her sidebar and no one allowed in.

It was this line in another email to Wilde that really threw me for a loop:

We are at War--as much with Liberals as we are with Islamist terrorists. Your side is, unfortunately, the Enemy.

While I often take liberals to task on this site, I in no way feel I am at war with them. I do not view them as the enemy, but rather as human beings who just happen to not share anything in common with me - politically. That was a harsh statement on her part and one I want to separate myself from, as a newly annointed member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

See, this isn't just about blogs. It's about life and connecting on different levels to other humans. It's about understanding, debate and healthy arugments. It's about seeing all sides of issues and even if you never change your mind on an issue, at least you can say you listened, you read, you learned. You made an informed, educated decision when you took the stance you did. Sure, opinion - especially of the politcal variet - are all about guts and heart and soul when it comes down to it. But the brain controls them all. If you don't use your brain, your opinion means fuckall in the end.

Wilde is about as liberal as I am religious. Which is to say, not. The blogger in question obviously did not do her homework before she kicked Wilde out and locked the door on him. She said in one email:

Wilde, I'm sorry you took so long to make an answer--which I regret to say I'm really not interested in reading.

How can you pass judgment on someone and not even take the time to know the person you are passing judgment on?

You can say "it's only blogs," but it's not. Behind each blog is a person who feels every cut and sting another blogger or reader throws at them.

As much as I may make fun of liberals on this site when dealing with political issues, I still remain friends with many of them. We share tastes in music and movies and books - there are so many more things that make up a person's personality besides their ideology.

I sound like a broken record, I know. But it doesn't seem like anyone is getting the point. We may fight each other's beliefs, but we shouldn't be fighting each other. I am not at war with the anti-war left. I am engaged in sparring and debate and yes, maybe I do show contempt for their actions, just as they show their contempt towards me for driving an SUV or not wanting more gun control. But at the end of the day, I can still sit there and talk about music to the person who was just calling me a gas guzzler. As I often say to my son, "Just because I feel that your microwaving that ant was bad, that does not mean I think you are a bad person."

Separate the politics from the person once in a while. Get behind what you see at face value and look around. You may find you even have things in common. But for the love of humanity, people, at least try. At least know who you are condemning before you condemn them. To do anything less than that is not only unfair, it's completely and utterly wrong.

More on this from:

send good vibes

Everyone go wish Amanda a Happy Thanksgiving. She's alone and recovering from surgery and could use a boost.

Action Figures Caught on Cam Part 4: Thanksgiving

Spiderman: I still don't see why we all have to have Thanksgiving
together. Superheroes, villians, goth people - it's a recipe for disaster!
Batman: Ha! Remember last year? Mark McGwire's head popped off in that free-for-all.
Boba Fett: Yea, the free-for-all that you started!
Skeletor: Shut up, Fett. You were the one that made us play drinking games. It's your fault.
Madman: Now, now, lets not rehash last year. I say we start this year off with something nice. How about we all go around the table and say what we are thankful for?
Evil Ash: Oh, geez. We all gonna hold hands and bow our heads in prayer, too?
Buddy Christ: You got a problem with that, bad ass?
Evil Ash: Sorry, Jesus.
Madman: Ok, Spawn, why don't you start?

Spawn stands up, glass of whiskey in his hand.

Spawn: I'm thankful for that outfit Asuka is wearing today.
Hubba Hubba!
He-Man: Hey! You can't talk about my girlfriend like that!
Spawn (laughing maniacally): Yourgirlfriend? I've been sleeping with her for three weeks!
He-Man: Liar!
Asuka: Umm....
He-Man: NOOOOOO! Say it isn't true!!
Asuka: Ummm....
Spawn: Told ya!

He-Man runs from the room crying

Spiderman: Oh, for Christ's sake!
Buddy Christ: Hey, I had nothing to do with this, man.
Madman: Well, let's wait on dinner a bit until we all calm down. Let's watch some football.

They all gather in the living room to watch the game. Fifteen minutes later, there's a crashing sound. He-Man comes swinging through the window on a rope, his feet aimed for Spawn's head. He swings down on top of Spawn. They tumble to the ground and when Spawn stands up, his cape is ripped in half.

Spawn: You son of a bitch! You mother fucking asshole! You are dead! Do you hear me? DEAD!
He-Man: Yea, I'm shaking in my boots, you girlfriend stealer!
Spawn: My fucking cape. I can't believe it. You'll pay for this you asswipe!

Spawn runs from the room, still yelling obscenities.

Skeletor: Well, another fine Thanksgiving this is turning into.
Death: I think it's rather amusing.
Sandman: You would.
Boba Fett: Is that food ready yet? I'm starving.
Madman: The turkey should be just about cooked. Let's go back into the dining room.

Everyone moves towards the dining area while He-Man lingers, looking around.

Evil Ash: What's the matter He-Man, looking for your balls?
He-Man: Shut up, you freak. Hey, has anyone seen Battlecat?
Green Goblin: I think I saw him fucking your girlfriend. HAHAHAH!

They meet the others in the dining area.

Madman: Tada! I present to you the most amazing Thanksgiving meal ever!

Several Street Fighter guys bring in plates heaped with food and set them on the table.

Madman: Edward Scissorhands, would you do the honors, please?
Edward (mumbling): Every year, it's Edward cut the turkey, Edward cut the pies.
Spiderman: That is the hugest turkey I have ever seen. I can't wait to dig in.
He-Man: Where the hell is Battlecat?
Spawn: Really. He was just dying to dig into his plate.

Edward finishes slicing the meat and everyone clamors for the different plates. They dig in right away, eating hungrily and noisily.

Spawn: Hold up! I would like to make a toast before we all stuff ourselves full of this food.

He stands and raises his glass of whiskey, Asuka at his side.

Hans Solo: I have a bad feeling about this...
Spawn: I thought I would not be able to eat this meal, I was so depsondent over He-Man ripping my cape. But there are ways to get over things. A little action from Asuka here didn't hurt....
He-Man (his mouth full of food): You bastards! Do you have to announce it?
Spawn: You know, He-Man, they say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I would much rather serve it hot.
He-Man: What the hell does that mean?
Spawn (mimicing He-Man): Has anyone seen Battlecat?

He-Man and everyone else stop chewing, stop talking and look up at Spawn, forks in midair. Spawn cackles.

Spawn: Enjoying the meat, He-Man?
He-Man (staring down at his plate in horror) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chaos ensues. Everyone is either puking or running out of the room. He-Man faints. And Boba Fett calmly sits and passes himself some more meat.

Buddy Christ: Another Thanksgiving shot to hell.

Read part 1, 2 and 3.

thought of the day

I'm really swamped at work today; posting will be a bit slow.

However, I did come across this while typing a decision, and while it's apropos of nothing, I did find it very interesting.

In Cabell v. Markham, 148 F2d 737, 739 (Second Circuit 1945), Judge Learned Hand stated:

As Holmes, J., said in a much-quoted passage from Johnson v. United States, 163 F. 30, 32, 18 L.R.A., N.S. 1194: “It is not an adequate discharge of duty for courts to say: We see what you are driving at, but you have not said it, and therefore we shall go on as before.”

Of course it is true that the words used, even in their literal sense, are the primary, and ordinarily, most reliable source of interpreting the meaning of any writing; be it a statute, a contract or anything else. But it is one of the surest indexes of a mature and developed jurisprudence not to make a fortress out of the dictionary; but to remember that the statutes always have some purpose or object to accomplish, whose sympathetic and imaginative discovery is the surest guide to their meaning.

Just something to think about in regards to words and implied meanings.

pizza news

PizzaIDF.org has set us up with our own page to make donations (see sidebar of this site for more info). We are transferring all the Paypal donations over there, and if you haven't donated yet but would like to, head over here to do it.

Thanks to everyone who has donated so far!


This week's Carnival of the Vanities is up. It just gets better every week. Coincidentally, this week's is probably the best so far, and it happens to be a week when I forgot to send a post in. You do the math.


003_flag.jpg Dude! You have an American Attitude! Sweet!
You're a gun-toting, bar-dancing, ya'll-saying, t.v. show-copying,
war-waging, ass-patting, hamburger over-eater.

Take the What the Hell Kinda Attitude is That? Quiz at aka cooties

blame america

I do understand these basic concepts about Indymedia: They do not edit or censor what people post on their site. It's basically set up for unchecked self-publishing; and not everyone who posts on Indymedia represents the view of that organization as a whole. They consider themselves the bastion of free speech and as such, they open the door to anyone and everyone who has something to say, even if that something is "I killed a cop."

However, when the front page of Indymedia (not just one of the many subsites, grouped according to location) posts something like this:

There is a long tradition of criminals using mass media to get a message out. But the fact that this was such a brutal murder, and that the confession depicts the crime as anti-corporate, mixed with the anti-corporate stance of Indymedia and its emphasis on empowering people to become the media raises concerns that the line will be blurred in this case. This only serves to distract from corporate media's complicity in murders and violence committed for the benefit of corporations,

I have to take issue with it. In the end it's always about them, and nothing else. It always comes down to their causes, their actions and how every action in the world is a representation of the brutality of America, corporations, the media and the government.

Apparently the murderer wrote to several news outlets, not just Indymedia and its subsites. He also contacted other news sites, including FreeRepublic (original story here)

In the post on Indymedia, he talked about corporations.

Hello Everyone, my name’s Andy. I killed a Police Officer in Red Bluff, California in a motion to bring attention to, and halt, the police-state tactics that have come to be used throughout our country.
Now I’m coming forward, to explain that this killing was also an action against corporate irresponsibility.

In his letter to Free Republic, he took a stance against police officers:

We further demand that our Police Force cease both brutalizing us and in any way abusing their authority over us.

The writer of these letters, if he is indeed the killer, has a very warped sense of personal responsibility, and he alone is responsible for this murder, and I don't mean to imply that Indymedia had anything to do with it.

But their complicity - or lack of - begins and ends there. Most of the people that post on the IMC threads do represent the ideals of IMC collectively. And it didn't take long for them to come out of the woodwork and start looking for root causes as to the killer's actions.

The first post brings out the phrase Manchurian Candidate. That didn't take long.

This incident seems to do a perfect job of associating anti-corporate activism with terrorism. Hmmmm. . . Now who would have an interest in propagating this kind of idea. But no spook would ever try to set up activists in a bad light would they?..

Nor did it take long to drag out the "trained by the USA" line:

Meanwhile, the guy claims to be "a graduate of the U.S. Army Ranger School, Airborne School, and Jungle Operations Training School." Now if this is true, THAT'S THREE CONNECTIONS. Someone should get busy trying to figure out if this guy really is a US-military-trained killer, what his history is, etc.

USA seems to have a big problem with people it trains to kill non-Americans on behalf of corporate interests coming home and killing Americans for their own interests and purposes. They may be Manchurian Candidates, or they may just be bad apples - unintended side effects of the program, whatever.

How about: this man had a skewed sense of moral indignation and took it upon himself to make his protestations known to the government by taking the life of an innocent person?

That would have been clear cut and easy. Unfortunately, to the folks who run and support IMC, police officers are never innocent and there is always an underlying reason for someone's hostility towards corporations, authority and the government.

In other words, don't blame the shooter, blame the the man. The man was holding him down and caused him to shoot. The man was repressing him and stealing his air and killing his babies and diminishing his rights.

And if it isn't enough to just place the blame on corporations and laws that were obviously driving this person insane, you can always turn to the old conspiracy theory train of thought and blame the government.

Of course, that was it. The murdere was sent out their by none other than Ashcroft himself. They brainswashed the poor young man, turned him into a killing machine and then sent him out to kill a young police officer, all to make the anti-war protesters look bad. Of course.

It is the hallmark of the far left to look for underlying causes of blame rather than look destructive acts in their face and see them for what they are.

It's America's fault we are attacked by terrorists.
It's America's fault that people kill police officer.
It's America's fault that Iraqi people live in fear.

The tune has changed. Blame America is the new catch phrase.

Kids doing bad in school? It must be the way America has trained its teachers.

Feeling fat? It's America's fault for forcing you to eat fast food.

Homeless? Jobless? It's America's fault for not offering you better opportunities, even though you haven't been looking for those opportunities yourself.

Stock market down in Europe? Blame America. An activist fell out of a tree? Blame America.

Tripped over your shoelace and fell? Of course, blame America for for allowing such shoddy materials to be made in the first place. After all, the minimum wage is still the same as it was years ago and the people who work in the shoelace factory are tired and hungry and, because they arent' unionized, are constantly being whipped and beaten by their employers and some of those workers, most likely the one who did the quality control on your particular pair of laces was having flashbacks to the days he was beaten by cops for protesting the Vietnam war and he was too distraught, not to mention bruised and bloody, to check that the length on your laces was correct and now that the lace was hanging over the side of your shoe and you tripped, you're going to take on the big companies and sue them to make a moral point for the freedom of shoelaces factory workers everywhere.

I killed a policeman because America made me do it.

Let's see how that stands up in court.

November 26, 2002

eye of the storm

Is anyone else feeling a slight unease about this holiday weekend? I've got a bad vibe thing going on.

as i was saying

In my thanks to Indymedia yesterday I forgot to include the part about "where else can you find a post from a guy who just killed a cop and thinks it was an moral act of virtue?"

come out, come out wherever you are

United We Stand: How to be friends with an antiwar nut.

...I still think he's a nut for listening to Noam Chomsky, and I'll tell him so. But I love him anyway. That's how I can be his friend....

Robert J. Toth articulates what I have been trying to say for a while.

It's interesting that this piece appears in my inbox today; I've been conferring with Choire and Nancy, two liberal friends, about just this thing. Unlike some other people, neither of them have chosen to drop me as a friend because of my political views. In fact, they both have made an effort to listen to my thoughts and try to understand them, whereas other people have stuck their fingers in their ears when I try to talk.

I don't know why people have a hard time looking past politics, religion or even sports when maintaining a friendship. Well, that's not true. I do have an idea. The idea is that those people who would give up a friendship - or in the case of blogging a permalink - are people who refuse to see beyond their own nose. They are people who cannot accept that their are other points of view, other opinions beside their own. They are the people who stand up and say my opinion is the right one and you are an ass for thinking otherwise.

Yesterday I referred to the term blog cocooning, something brought up by Mickey Kaus at the Yale Blog Conference.

In essence, the many people who have been talking about blog cocooning the past couple of days are referring to the practice of some bloggers of painting themselves into a corner. Linking only to people who think like them, and then taking it farther and not linking to anyone who links to someone who doesn't think like them, it's like making a virtual version of a gated community. No one in, no one out.

One such person is the author of Rittenhouse Review, who went off on a self-important little rant on how he can no longer in good conscience link to anyone who has Little Green Footballs on their linklist. Guilt by association, I presume. And honestly, when he says he is "taking a stand" how much of stand is it by just taking someone off of your blogroll? And how far is he going to take it? Will he just delink the people who link to LGF or will he take it one step further and delink the people who link to the people who link to LGF?

It's always been my contention that people develop the need for segragation out of fear of the uknown. If you don't take time to get to know about a certain culture, relgion, etc., you will only end up separating yourself from those that practice within those bounds because you fear what their beliefs might be. This is how children develop into racists. They grow up in families that say don't hang out with this one, he's black. Don't date this one, he's Jewish. They inherently think something is wrong with people who aren't just like them. They aren't taught to look beyond the race, the religion, the politics to see what lies beneath the skin. They don't see people, they see ideologies. And that's where the danger lies.

I wish the people who delinked me had said "You're a good friend, a nice person, but man, do I hate your politics," and left it at that. Is their world so small that the idea of having me on their links list makes it look like they promote my views?

On the other side of the coin is people asking you to remove them from their links list because they don't agree with you. That opens up a whole new can of worms. It's like the kid in grade school who said to you "Gee, can you not tell anyone that I know you? I don't want to be associated with a geek." Which basically would give me the urge to run through the halls and shout out that he's my best friend.

I know I've done this before. I've talked about it before. I almost ran it to the ground. But the fact is, I still get stabbed in the back for my views. I still look around and see my name dropping from blogrolls. A lot of the old crowd doesn't come around anymore. And that's all fine. But it's the almost daily emails and the snide comments in other people's blogs that still keeps it fresh for me. I have no idea why people are so hung up on what I write and how I feel. But they are. And it's starting to sicken me.

The point is, if you are a mature, reasonable person, you don't have to give up your friends because they aren't a carbon copy of you. Hell, who would even want to hang out people only like them? That would get boring real quick. The same applies to blogging. To link only to people who share your views is incredibly narrow minded. See what the rest of the world is thinking. Get out of your little box and look at different opinions. And for god's sake, people. Don't start ripping apart your blogroll, tearing down names of the bloggers who link to the bloggers who link to the bloggers that you don't like.

If you are a good friend, you will remain my friend regardless of what world views you hold. But if you become part of that trend of closed-minded people who are circling their wagons around the warbloggers and declaring a jihad on every person right of center, you can kiss my ass good bye.

I also wish people would stop worrying about me and sending me emails saying how they are concerned about the direction I've gone in. Don't worry about me, ok? I'm pretty much in a good place right now. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I've ever been. I'm sorry if the pre-Paxil, pre-September 11 Michele is the person you want me remain as, because frankly, I hated being that person. In fact, I'm more worried that you would choose to bail on me now, when I'm finally happy.

Grow up, people. See the world. It's bigger than that cocoon you're sitting in. Much, much bigger.

*this has been a stream of conciousness post. May be edited later for clarity*

reasons to be thankful, part 2

Today, I am thankful for Tequila.

As Homer so wisely said, alcohol is the cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems. The solution part is what I like.

Tequila is your friend. Sure, it tastes nasty. But a little lime, a little salt, and everything tastes great. Throw in some margarita mix and it's a party. And tequila, believe it or not, makes for a great Bloody Mary.

Have a headache? Three shots of tequila and you can't even feel your head.

Cramps? One or two Margaritas and the cramps are all but forgotten.

Kids leave you in a state of frenzy? Can't seem to relax after a night of homework, projects and sibling rivalry? Say it with me, then. Tequila!shot.jpg

Many a fight has been solved with tequila as the mediator. Many a night of drunken debauchery between the sheets has been instigated by tequila. And yes, those cleavage shots and wet-t shirt pics you have seen here were all brought to you by tequila.

So raise your shot glasses, fix yourself a margarita or get ready to eat that worm - Happy Thanksgiving, Jose Cuervo!

do i hear $1,000?

One good thing today:

We are up to $954 dollars in the Feed the IDF fund (see sidebar). Anyone want to round it out to $1,000? Should we try for $1500?

Tanya and I could always start stripping to get donations. I hear that works. Hooters for Hanakuh anyone?

time out

I've got nothing right now except mind numbing cramps, a sick kid two sick kids and and a missing backpack. I think Monday came a day late.

I'll be around later with Part 2 of my Reasons To Be Thankful. Cramps is not one of them.

Make that much later.

Meanwhile, Feed the IDF, over to the right.

jose cuervo, take me away

Today is not going as planned.

Instead of relaxing calmly at my desk, working at a slow pace and sending nonsensical emails to Bonnie, I am home with two very sick kids, trying to force WordPerfect documents to open in Word and cursing myself that I got so used to my QuickWords at work that I keep trying to type "lnt" and expecting it to come out Landlord/Tenant.

Let's just say that I am thankful for NyQuil, that chalky pink medicine, plastic buckets and headphones.

Is it wrong to be craving tequila at 1 in the afternoon?

November 25, 2002

i'm dreaming of a

White Thanksgiving.

If we can't get a white Christmas around these parts, I'll settle for a white turkey day.

I'm watching Snoop Dogg Televizzle right now. Yea, that's right. Televizzle.

Fo Shizzle.

November 1998

Four years ago tonight I was sitting at my computer, a bitter, angry recently divorced bitch who had sworn off men for all time. I was seriously thinking of going into the lesbianism business.

I was in the midst of month long bout of acute insomnia. To kill the boredom of late night tv, I would often go online and talk to friends. Oh, who am I kidding? I was always on line. On AOL, no less. I was one of them.

So it was 1am and I decided I had enough. I was going to swallow some more NyQuil and try the sleep thing again. I was just about to sign off of AOL when fate intervened.

An instant message popped up on my screen. I didn't recognize the name.

The person asked me a question. From the tone of the question, I could tell that he mean to instant message someone with a name quite similar to mine. I would get that all the time. I politely told him he had the wrong person.

Five hours later, we were still chatting.

One week later we took our chats to the phone.

Four months later, I met him for the first time at Penn Station.

Six months later he moved to New York.

In August of this year we were married.

I'm no longer a bitter, angry bitch. Really, stop laughing like that.

Four years and a million stories between that one errant message and now. Four years and a whole lotta love.

Happy "Day We Met" Anniversary, Justin. You are and always will be my knight in shining armor.

dear bob, i'm glad you're dead.

Afterlife Telegrams:

With the help of terminally ill volunteers, our service is sending telegrams to people who have passed away.

If those tv hosts that talk to the dead just aren't enough for you, you can always seek out a dying person and have them take a message to the afterlife for a loved one.

For a fee of $10 per word (5 word minimum), a customer can have a telegram delivered to someone who has passed away. This is done with the help of terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the telegrams before passing away, and then deliver the telegrams after they have passed away. We call this an "afterlife telegram". Please take note of the following:

Since we can not guarantee delivery nor prove that a message has been delivered, our customers do not pay for "deliveries". They pay for "delivery attempts". What we do guarantee is the following:

1) The messengers have memorized their telegrams before passing on.
2) The messengers have promised to do what can be done to deliver their telegrams to the addressees after passing.

How would one guarentee delivery, anyhow?

From the FAQ:

What uses are there for "Afterlife Telegrams"?

Here are some reasons that someone might want to send a telegram to
someone who has passed on:

- Inform someone about a birth in the family.
- Apologize to someone they feel they have wronged while that person was alive.
- Invite someone to a seance that will take place at a certain time and place. (We sincerely doubt this will work, but it's your money.)
- Let someone know about an important event that they might have missed such as a wedding.
- Write things you regret not having said while they were alive.
- Let someone know that, after they passed away, you adopted their pets
and you are now taking care of them

Dear Aunt Beth,

Michael and I are getting married next week. As you are dead and cannot send a gift, would you mind if we went ahead and took that string of pearls that's still in your jewelry box?

Also, Michael says he is sorry for calling you a cheap old whore right before you died. He didn't mean it.

More from the Faq:

Here is a list of reasons why, despite our best efforts, your telegram might not get through:
- Reincarnation could cause a problem. By the time the telegram can reach the addressee, he could already be back on earth.

Isn't there a registration center up there somewhere? The messenger could go to the receptionts and ask where your fourth grade teacher is and she would pull out a file and say "Mr. Horowitz is now a turtle living in a cage in the Bronx. We'll forward the message to him."

- The addressee might have changed his name.

So much for trying to reach Jimmy Hoffa.

- Maybe people who die in Illinois are sent to a different section of the afterlife than people who die in Alaska. (As is the case in the interactive game called "Grim Fandango".)

You mean people from New Jersey get stuck with people from New Jersey all over again. You sure that isn't hell?

- It could be that the addressee is a ghost on earth or has moved to a different plane of existence and can't be reached.-

Or maybe the fact that they ignored you your whole life means they really don't want to talk to you when they're dead, either.

The addressee may have evolved into a higher state of being and can no longer communicate with the messenger.

I'm sorry, the party you are trying to reach is off dancing with 72 virgins right now.

Here is a list of reasons why sending a telegram may be entirely
- -

It could also be that the addressee is now omnipotent and knows everything anyway.

That would be my grandmother. Hi, grandma!

- We can not rule out the possibility that there could be no afterlife at all.

But we'll take your hundred dollars on the offchance that there is.

From the FAQ for the messengers:

- On earth people are separated by political, economic and ideological
boundaries. For example it is safe to deliver a telegram to someone living in Canada but very dangerous to deliver a telegram to someone living in Iraq. It is possible that there are similar boundaries in the afterlife. While you are obligated to do what you can to deliver your telegrams, please use your best judgement as to the amount of risk you should take, without help, when traveling in the afterlife.

So much for heaven being a peaceful place. All you people waiting for blissful eternity, better pack your gas masks and smallpox vaccines.

More than likely there will be social, economic and informational
infrastructures available to you and we encourage you to use these when
possible. Keep in mind there might be rules in the afterlife regulating how and who you may contact. Do your best with what you have.

The white line is for loading and unloading of Afterlifegrams only. Double side of the street messenger vehicle parking is in effect for today.

I have a better idea. Just say what you have to say to people while they are still here. I mean, what's the point of waiting until it's too late to tell your sister she still owes you money for that Bay City Rollers album she broke back in the 70's?

heh, fairies.

Talking to Austrian Miguel this morning:

Me: So, how do you feel about the elections?
Miguel: I'm fucking appalled, what else. As soon as liberals stop believing in fairies they'll have a chance.

pizza update 2

We've hit the $800 mark on the Feed the IDF action. Wouldn't it be nice if, on the first day of Hanakuh, we could have $1,000 to send off to PizzaIDF.org for pizza and donuts?

If you haven't already, and this is a cause you can get behind, please head over to the sidebar and click on that paypal link. If you can't donate and you would still like to send a message to go along with the donations, you can send it to me at michele@asmallvictory.net and I will pass it along to Karen at pizzaIDF.

A big thank you to the members of the Weblog Action Center for making this their cause of the week!

post-traumatic blogging disorder

Do you suffer from a post-traumatic disorder?

James Taranto, in response to a Boston Globe article about 'post-traumatic slavery disorder', asked readers to come up with their own post-traumatic disorders.


Paul Coates: PTPD, post-traumatic paradise disorder. My ancestors were thrown out of the Garden of Eden when Eve bit into the apple, at the prompting of the serpent, both of which were placed there by the Supreme Deity. The eons of suffering and pain that befell men and women can be directly linked to this event. Wars, famine, disease, drugs, Michael Bolton--every bit of suffering came from this. You might call it the "mother of all root causes."

Don Clevenger: Post-traumatic coliseum syndrome. You see I am a Christian and I can still feel the effects of my Christian ancestors that were horribly killed by lions and other wild beasts in the Roman coliseum during the first and second century. It seems I should be able to sue the Italian government and force them to redress these horrible wrongs of a mere 1900 years ago. I can't even visit a zoo or a circus without being overcome with anxiety! Its horrible.

Stuart Glasby: Post-traumatic chad disorder. The sight of a pregnant woman or someone with dimples causes viewer to curl up in a ball and repeat "Let every vote count!"

Perhaps anxiety wasn't my problem after all. I, too must suffer from some sort of PTD. I meditated over this and came up with a few:

Post-Traumatic Jets Disorder: When the Jets moved to New Jersey, I felt abandoned and let down. The fact that they moved to New Jersey in and of itself caused embarassment and shame. I'm suing the Jets for reparations to the tune of 1 million dollars.

Post Traumatic Costco Disorder: See here for details. I am going to hunt down and sue every person who ever hit me with their cart or caused me to break out in a fit of rage and ire when they tied up the aisles to get free food samples.

Post Traumatic Schumacher Disorder: Oh, the times I was forced to watch Joel Schumacher films! I see them in my sleep sometimes; The Wiz, Batman and Robin, D.C. Cab, Dying Young. If I even flash across one of these movies while flipping channels, my brain automatically shuts down in anticipation. I have been forced to miss family outings, concerts and baseball games all because a piece of Schumacher played for merely one second on my tv. He shall pay!

Post Traumatic Amy Fisher Disorder: I've been suffering from this, as have all Long Island women, since the day Amy Fisher tried to put a hole in Joey Buttafuoco's wife. Since that day, I cannot tell anyone I am from Long Island without them assuming I talk with an old-school Brooklyn accent and hang out in automotive shops. Whenever I mention I live on the island, people assume I'm a cheap date who puts out for married men and then tries to kill their wives. Do you know how hard it was for me to meet someone through the personals after my divorce? I still have to carry the gum-snapping, mall walking, Long Island Lolita shame of Amy Fisher every day.

It's hell being me.

the empty life of a techno-free teenager

Natalie writes gothic poetry about cell phones, at Raising Hell.

I'll get around to posting here as soon as I climb out from under the avalanche of work I'm attacking.

reasons to be thankful, part 1

I'm working on my second annual Things To Be Thankful For list. I think I'll spread it out over a couple of days this time, saving the real schmaltzy, sugary thanks to family and friends for Thursday.

What better way to start off a week of thanks than with Indymedia? After all, today is their three year anniversary.

Without the tin foil crowd at Indymedia, I would not have so much blogging fodder. And how else would I have known that Paul Wellstone was murdered by Bush operatives, or that it's all about the oooooooilllll? Where else can I go to see Susand Sarandon and Woody Harrelson hoisted up on pedestals and offered up to the political gods and goddesses as future leaders of the U.S.?

They bring us the Culture Jammers - those same people who cry about how bad the economy is and then urge their members to support Buy Nothing Day.

Indymedia, who poses Scott Ritter as a hero, who love Communism, and who think appeasement is the answer.

Thank you, Indymedia, for always giving me something to write about on an otherwise dull day. Thank you for bringing me laughter with your conspiracy theories. Thank you for your Pollyana, idealist views that fly in the face of reality. I can always find something to smile or giggle about when I need a laugh. And on those days when I feel like kicking a little ass, I can always find a story featuring a loonly leftist that needs to be slapped upside the head.

So, happy birthday Indymedia. You are at the top of my Things To Be Thankful For list this year.

And don't worry, guys. That turkey is made of tofu.

morning filler

Watched Evan Dorkin's Welcome to Eltingville during Adult Swim last night.

Final score: 10 out of 10.

Originally I had taken off two points for exploding zits.

One point added back on for the Madman statue in the comic book shop, another point added on for the plot including Boba Fett.

Running a bit late today, back soon with a post about blog cocooning. Don't forget the feed the IDF cause over in the right sidebar.

November 24, 2002

pizza news

Pizza for IDF is the cause of the week at Weblog Action Center.

For those coming here from WAC, you can look in the sidebar for the donation bar and the link to the original post explaining the cause.

We have so far raised over $700 - that's in just two days - and with that we can feed donuts to an entire company and pizza and soda to an entire batallion.

The donation bar will up until Friday, the first day of Hanakuh, when all the funds will be transferred over to PizzaIDF.org, along with any messages you want to send to the troops.

proof positive

Someone was rummaging through my archives and came across my posts about my week with She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named (but who has a reality show on E! where she makes a fool of herself weekly). That someone sent me an email, accusing me of making up the stories for my own benefit. I don't see where that benefit is, but oh well.

Coincidentally, I was cleaning Natalie's room today and came across some pictures of when Ms. ANS came back for a vist in August of 2000, long after I had been banished from the ex's family.

Natalie and DJ with the Divine Miss Out of Her Mind, in my former mother in law's backyard:

ANS with my two nephews:

click for larger images.

To JakeNY23, writer of the above mentioned email: You are obviously deeply in love with ANS. I suggest a cold shower and a trip to a psychologist to cure you of what ails you. For your own benefit, of course.

Joe Zarro responds

Joe Zarro of the Daily Aztec responds to my post on his article.

I will begin by saying I haven't read all of the responses posted to this rebuttal to my column, but I will try to find the time.

I sense a little hositility, but hopefully we can all be civil about this.

"He says nothing of the freedom that allows him to write this garbage without fear of being arrested for treason. He says nothing of the lives that were lost securing that freedom for him."

What this quote fails to realize is that the premise for my argument is that military conflicts are not securing my freedom, but rather securing finances. Afghanistan, Desert Storm, Kosovo and impending war on Iraq have done nothing to secure my freedom of speech. In fact, legislation passed during these periods has hindered freedom of press and speech. Desert Storm blocked the media from combat, learning from its "mistake" in Vietnam. I suspect many of you are in favor of the homeland security bill, which has added provision that limit the Freedom of Information Act, allowing government to be even more secretive than it already is. My ability, as a journalist, to keep an eye on government is significantly hindered thanks to these actions. Also, your duty as citizens to follow your government and maintain your republic is also affected.

For some reason I don't have the credibility to talk about the social effects of the military because I have never been "on the front lines." You don't have to be a part of something to know about it, or have an opinion on their actions. It is that attitude that limits free thought, and allows people to cast aside an opinion of somebody because you don't agree. You will never see me on the front lines -- I am in complete moral opposition to war, and would rather serve time in prison than spend time with a rifle. This isn't cowardice, a lack of sense for duty or hatred this country. Contrary to what many of you think, I do not hate America.

Although I feel like this is falling on deaf ears, I urge all of you to question the consequences of being a soldier. Try to realize that innocent civilians are driven from their homes, often stripped of their lives over complex issues that most of you obviously fail to grasp.

I never said it was all about oil. War cannot be reduced to "oil" or "freedom." They are geo-political struggles that have their roots in resources, politics, international power struggles, economic and physical security. What I try to point out is that today's conflicts are testimony to our imperialism.

If you want to write an appropriate response to this, you should argue that America is not imperialist.

Well this is all I have time for right now. Maybe I'll drop by for another visit. This is only the surface of my opinion.

The floor is yours, dear readers.

to america, with love

I will now transcribe for you the entire contents of Ol' Dirty Laden's letter to the United States:

Assimilate or die, you heathen bastards!


Your friendly neighborhood megalomaniac

See, he only cares about us. He just wants us to convert to Islam for own good. He is only looking out for our best interests. Let's thank him. You know, check out his wishlist, send him something for Ramadam.

I'm thinking something that explodes on contact would be nice.


I keep reading this letter. It is quite fascinating.

(ii) You are the nation that permits Usury, which has been forbidden by all the religions. Yet you build your economy and investments on Usury. As a result of this, in all its different forms and guises, the Jews have taken control of your economy, through which they have then taken control of your media, and now control all aspects of your life making you their servants and achieving their aims at your expense; precisely what Benjamin Franklin warned you against.

I think he stole that from Cynthia McKinney's campaign speech.

Ben Franklin? When did he ever say anything like that? I must have cut history class that day.

we built this city

What have I been doing all day? Glad you asked.


I've been building cities.

So much crap on the internet, so little time.

a "little incident of some rioting"

"All we want to do now is to give Miss World 2002 the publicity it deserves," a spokeswoman told the UK's Press Association.

Regardless of what happened in Nigeria, I don't think that beauty contests deserve any publicity at all to begin with. But that's another rant for another time.

About 12,000 people have so far been made homeless and the number of injured in hospital is between 1,100 and 1,200, he said.

At least 22 churches and 8 mosques were destroyed in the rampage, Shehu Sani of the Kaduna-based Civil Rights Congress told AP. Ten hotels were also badly damaged, said Sani, whose group estimated that "well over 200 people" had been killed.

This, over a few words printed in a newspaper. The people of the Religion of Peace tm took such offense to it that they though it necessary to kill, plunder and burn.

Yes, I know. Christians were involved, too. I hardly think this was a turn your other cheek situation, though. Your people, your churches, your homes are being attacked, I do believe your first instinct is to attack right back. I know mine is.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'm sure the coordinators of the pageant are kicking themselves for wanting to hold the contest - which promotes scantily clad women showing off their bodies and faces - in a country which is 50% Muslim. During Ramadan. Can you say bad idea?

Tension was high even before the newspaper article that sparked the riots came out. I imagine that the rioters, murderers and arsonists were just waiting for a reason to start a ruckus. I'm willing to bet that something like this would have happened regardless of someone suggesting Muhammed loved women.

Organisers said they hoped to put the "ugly incident" behind them by ensuring that when the contest was held on December 7 it would bear all the hallmarks of everything Nigerian.

Ugly incident? Is that what 200 dead people is called now? An ugly incident? Will those hallmarks of everything Nigerian now include 12,000 homeless people and 100 ruined churches and mosques? Would it kill these people to say something intelligent like Due to the tragedy that occurred in Nigeria, we are going to forego the contest this year?

Gary Murray-Bruce, organizer of the Miss World Nigeria organization: What happened is a big shame because the international press have highlighted a little incident of some rioting.." [emphasis added]

Little incident of some rioting? No wonder the Miss World organizers haven't cancelled the contest. Those 200 dead people? It was nothing! Just a little skirmish, no need to over react.

Ben Maray, another Nigerian organizer of the event, said "There's an international conspiracy just to show that an African country like Nigeria cannot host this thing. I think Nigerians should be really angry with the international press.."

I guess Nigeria proved them wrong, huh? I think Nigerians should be angry with the Muslims who spread their religion of peace through the night, using sticks and stones and knives and fire. I think the Nigerians, and the rest of the world, should be angry with the organizers of this event who are blowing off the murderous rampage in a big way.

Nope, nothing to see here. Move along. The "latest news" on the Miss World website is from August. Nothing like "we are terribly saddened about the events of last week," or "The Miss World organizers and contestants express sorrow to the families of those killed..."

Well, I'll give them time to recover from the trauma first. After all, like Miss Enlgand said as she stepped off of her chartered flight, it was all "quite daunting."

links via Plum Crazy and Spoons Experience

homeland security watchdogs

Total Information Awareness? Hell No!


You too could have one of these nifty logos, if you follow my orders and head over the brand new Liberty Dogs blog. Woof!

pet semantics

Your tax money at work:

In an effort to give man's best friend a little more bite, the city Board of Supervisors is considering changing the health code to make pet owners also guardians.

..."Owner implies the same relationship as the owner of a bicycle or the owner of a toaster," said Rob Eshelman, legislative aid to Supervisor Matt Gonzalez, who introduced the legislation in September. "We're really trying to get to the heart of trying to treat animals more humanely and promote guardianship."

I have news for you, Mr. Gonzales. Little Fido doesn't care what the hell you call him as long as his food bowl is full and you let him hump your leg once in a while.

If the proposal becomes law in San Francisco, it will be a symbolic change with no legal ramifications, since state law considers animals property, Eshelman said.

I'm at a total loss as to why this is necessary. Oh. It's San Francisco. Enough said.

November 23, 2002

Pizza update

In 24 hours, we (and I mean we collectively) have raised $650 for the Pizza for IDF cause.

So far, we can feed donuts to an entire battalion (300 soldiers) plus pizza and soda for an entire company (90 soldiers).

This will run through Friday, so we can send the order in for Hanakuh. We may be able to throw a party for all of Israel if this keeps up.

Thank you, again to everyone who donated and everyone who linked. Please, don't forget (even if you can't donate) to send me any message you want to send to the troops with the food.

doing the beavis laugh

This is your brain. This is your brain on Beavis and Butthead DVDs.

Beavis and Butthead are walking down the street. A bird falls from a tree and lands on the ground in front them. It's obviously injured and just lays there, sort of sputtering.

Beavis: Is that a chicken?
Butthead: No, buttwagon, it's too small to be a chicken.
Beavis: Maybe it's a nugget.


buy music, support the war!

Remember kids, when you buy music, the war machine wins.

Just as buying drugs supports terrorism, and driving an SUV means you caused 9/11, the folks at Indymedia bring you proof that buying cds and concert tickets help support the war machine.

Quoting from the back cover of the new Godspeed, You Black Emperor album, the loonies bring the six degrees of separation theory to new heights:

AOL Time-Warner is one of the remaining major label record companies and owns Atlantic, Elektra/Sire, Asylum, Reprise, Warner, American, Maverick, and others. It also owns AOL, which is involved in a co-venture with Hughes Electronics Corp called DirecTV. Hughes is owned 100% by General Motors. Hughes merged with Raytheon to form Hughes subsidiary Raytheon Industries. Raytheon Industries makes missiles and bombs.

Sony Corporaton is another of the major label companies. Sony is involved in a co-venture with the US Army and University of Southern California to develop advanced training simulations for use by the Army. Sony's face in this venture is known as Future Combat Sytems.

BMG owns Arista, RCA, BMG and other record labels. The Power Corporation of Canada is a significant shareholder in BMG, and in turn has holdings in Pargesa Group and Groupe Bruxelles Lambert. These holding companies own a stake in Totalfina, which owns an interest in the venture between Hutchinson Worldwide and Barry Controls. This venture produces sundry parts used in fighter aircraft and other miltary vehicles.

Vivendi Universal is the fourth and final major label company, counting MCA, Polygram, Motown, Geffen-DGC, Interscope, and Universal among its holdings. It has an arm called Vivendi Environnement, which owns a stake in Fomento De Construcciones Y Contratas, which in turn has a stake in Espelsa. Espelsa works on mission planning systems for the P-3 Orion aircraft (Lockheed Martin), as well as systems for the Typhoon Fighter (or Eurofighter), made by British Aerospace. Espelsa also works with the European Aeronautic Defence and Space Company, which produces military aircarafts and bombs, as well as with Alenia who, together with Boeing, makes bombs.

Now, who wants to tell these simplistic morons how we can connect the makers of every car they drive, every computer they use, every cup of coffee they drink, every maker of the paper and markers they use to make their protest signs to some company that is connected to military supplies? Probably in less than six degrees, too.

Will all the Indymedia and Berekeley crowd now stop buying Babs cds and Michael Moore movies? Do they know the connections those cd factories and DVD making companies have to "war machine" corporations?

It is so easy for them to sit there and spout off this nonsense on a daily basis, but when it is turned towards them, they have nothing to say.

Once again, with feeling: Until you all are living in some hippie commune, running around naked, eating nothing but grass and dirt and ridding yourself of any material possessions whatsoever, stick your accusations up your tight, cowardly ass.


3 ways you cannot go wrong:

1. Hire Sekimori Design
2. Use Bloggerzone for hosting.
3. Recognize Stacy Tabb as the Goddess of the Internet.

So, do you like the new digs? Is it me?

ya think?

A Saudi connection to 9/11??! Inconceivable! I don't believe it! They are our friends!

In other news, Michael Jackson's nose if fake and the Red Sox did not win the World Series.

that's the spirit

In a little more than 12 hours, we have collected over 400 dollars in donations for the Pizza for IDF fund.

Thank you to everyone who donated or linked so far. Please, don't forget to send along a message to the troops, all messages will be sent with the food. Send notes to: micheleATasmallvictory.net.

Link to the original post, donation link and running total will be over at the sidebar for the remainder of the coming week.

Tanya and I thank you. The soldiers thank you more.

cookie tossing

If you are here for the Pizza for IDF fund, please look to the right in the sidebar, and thank you!

It's that time of year. Every day, my office becomes littered with memos and notices about holiday parties, holiday breakfasts, holiday luncheons, holiday drinking binges.

I'm not a social butterfly. I don't mingle. I don't start up conversations with people I don't know or people I barely tolerate on a day to day basis. I don't do the fake, cheery holiday smile thing very well. So I avoid most of these get-togethers, choosing to just attend the annual luncheon that the judges throw for the secretaries, which really isn't about their secretaries at all, but about roasting each other until someone gets insulted. I don't mind because I get to hang out with my sister and Bonnie and we get a nice meal and some free drinks and honestly, most of the judges are fun to hang out with.

What I hate more than anything, though is the way some of my co-workers will come bouncing through the hallways, begging people to join in their group shindigs as if they really liked everyone. Cookie baking groups and craft sales and caroling for the courtrooms all make a cold shiver run down my spine. Ok, I made up the caroling for the coutrooms thing. Deck the Halls just wouldn't go over well with someone who is about to see six months in prison. Deck the Cells? Hmm...

Any day now the woman in the office upstairs will send around a memo about the cookie sharing party. It will go right into the shredder. Why? Glad you asked, because this post has all been just a lengthy introduction into a repeat from last year:

c is for god damn ugly stupid cookies

I cannot bake. I can cook - I can whip up a gourmet meal at a moment's notice. But baking leaves me frustrated and in a foul mood. So generally, I don't do it. I leave the baking for the Martha Stewart wannabes in my family.

So why did I find myself standing in my kitchen tonight, elbow deep in flour and frosting? I'll tell you why. It's my sister's fault.

I work with my sister. She, like me, is a bit of a misanthrope, yet manages to be the social butterfly of the workplace at the same time. You accomplish this by making friends with a few select people, and hating everyone else in their department. Then you vocalize that hate. Loudly. Me, I just sit in my office and mutter death threats under my breath.

Anyhow, it came time for the annual cookie trade-off lunch. This is where all the secretaries get together for a holiday lunch, and bring a dozen home-baked cookies for each person attending. This is my fourth Christmas in this job, and I have avoided the cookie exchange every year so far. My sister would have none of that this year. She enthusiastically signed me up without asking. Why? Because she is a sadist. She knew I would now have to combine my hatred of baking with my loathing of my co-workers all in one day. I suppose I could have e-mailed the head cookie cutter and offered my apologies, but I decided I would give in instead. Maybe if I do it this one year, they will leave me alone for the next three.

Now, there are two people at work I like. One is the sadist sister of mine, and the other is my good, dear friend Bonnie. Bonnie was also "anonymously" signed up for this cookie brigade. I despise the other women who are going. The woman I hate the most is joining us, and she has the nerve to say she is coming for lunch and not baking cookies! What the hell? If I am going to stand in my kitchen and curse the cookie gods, so are you, bitch!

I had an option in regards to the cookies. I could cheat. There are various ways one could cheat when it comes to cookie baking:

First degree cheating: Go to bakery, buy fresh made, gorgeous, incredibly delicious cookies. Put on throw-away Christmas plate, wrap in something festive and pretend like you slaved over a hot oven all night making them.

Second degree cheating: Buy the Pillsbury slice and bake cookie rolls. No fuss, no mess. Just chop the roll up, stick in oven and proceed with festive wrapping and lying about the recipe.

Third degree cheating: Buy a pre-made cookie mix, follow same method as above for wrapping and lying.

I opted for third degree cheating, sugar cookie style. Have I mentioned I suck at baking?

First I followed the directions carefully. One rounded teaspoon of dough per cookie. Well I did that and the cookies were the size of a baby's toenail. 6 cookies wasted. I made them a little bigger; somewhere between a tablespoon and a scoop. Apparently they weren't rounded enough and came out looking like lumps of brown coal. Finally, I decided to throw some flour into the mix and roll out the dough. I had no cookie cutters, but I found the cover to one of my nephew's bottles and used that to cut the dough into large circles. They came out the perfect size and shape. I was on my way to Marthaness.

I couldn't just give plain sugar cookies, could I? They had to be decorated. I was ready with green and red colored sugar and some Christmas tree shaped sprinkles. So the cookies are out of the oven, a bit cooled and I sprinkle the sugar on. It rolls off. I press the sugar on. The cookie breaks.

I put a fresh batch in and a light bulb goes off in my head. I sprinkle the sugar on before they bake! They come out looking like someone threw up in my baking pan. I bake a fresh batch and come up with a new idea. I have to somehow find something to put on top of the cookies when they are cooled that will make the sugar stick to them. Frosting! I only have pink frosting, though. I recruit Natalie to mix some red food coloring into the frosting until it looks Christmasy. She stirs and pours and stirs and finally the frosting is red, but the consistency of water. At this point I don't care. I remind myself over and over that I don't even like the people who will be eating these cookies.

I take each cookie, smear it in blood red frosting and then pour the colored sugar over them. They end up looking like a kindgergarten craft project. I'll give it one more try. What is wet enough yet not distasteful that I could put on top of the cookies to make the sugar sticks? And then I see it, right there in my cabinet. Pam no-stick spray. Buttered flavor. Of course.

I spray each cookie with a little Pam, hysterically laughing to myself that I have reached so low a point. I take each non-stick coated cookie and turn it upside down in a pile of red and green sugar. Voila! I have Christmas cookies. I have baked.

They are the ugliest, worst tasting cookies this side of dog biscuits. I don't care. I made them. And I will laugh all this week at the fact that those stupid, lazy, slacking, bitching, gossiping women are eating cookies whose main ingredient is no-stick spray, and which may or may not have fallen on my kitchen floor. I'll never tell.

And people wonder why I'm anti-social.

memo from the desk of asv

Notes on a Saturday morning:

As of 8:00 a.m., we have collected $283.00 in donations for the PizzaIDF fund. You will be able to find the link over in the sidebar until the end of the coming week. Thanks for all your work, Stacy's complete overhaul of her design. It's gorgeous.

Justin gave me an early Christmas present - The Time Life Best of Beavis and Butthead DVDs. I apologize in advance for any juvenile behavior that occurs here as a result of watching them.

Yesterday, I emailed Joe Zarro, author of that vile piece on joining the military. I sent a copy of what I wrote here, as well as the ensuing comments, and offered him a chance to explain his words. Surprise. I haven't heard from him.

Anyone who has mailed me a picture for a VRWC card and didn't get their card, please send me a picture again. It seems a lot of my mail is off in some Yahoo twilight zone. If you sent me mail and I haven't responded yet, either send it to me again or, if you know I received it, be patient. I'm backlogged and trying to get to it all.

Is anyone else beginning to think that the UN is going to get their way and come back with a report that Saddam plays well with others and is cooperative? I feel a restlessness tinged with unease. I suspect the bravado preceding all this has been just that - bravado.

And please, dear readers, keep sending me any interesting articles or links. You have provide a wealth of blogging goodies for me recently.

Coffee awaits.

November 22, 2002


Stacy, I'm sorry about what I've done to your beautiful design.

I can only blame the fickleness that takes over my brain when I am PMS.

Don't hurt me, please.


If you would like to leave a message for the Israeli soldiers, please send it to me at michele@rhzine.com and Tanya and I will send all the messages together.

For those who have sent me emails regarding our own troops, I am already working on something for Christmas.


Relax, people. The post below was facetious.

I think blogs should have a laugh track.

money shot

You know what's interesting?

You try to do something worthwhile and you get almost no response.

A post about panties gets 14 comments and several emails.

Dead hamster poems gets 12 comments.

Ask people to help out with a cause and you get no comments. Not one inquiring email.

Ten to one of I had called it Hooters for Hannakuh and posted pictures of my tits we could have fed pizza to all of Israel already.

What about Dicks for Donuts?
Porn for Pizza?
Cleavage for Coke?

Am I getting closer?

By the way, a link to donate is up at the original post.

The great PMS monster has been awoken from its slumber. Just a warning not to take me too seriously.

apology panties redux

From now on, instead of deleting comments that were just too stupid, ignorant or immature to leave hanging there, I am just going to substitute the comment with either one of these apology panties:

click for supersize

If people don't want to apologize for rude or childhish behavior, I can at least make it appear like they did.

Blogging apology panties. Just in time for the holidays!

feeding the IDF: a call to action

Update: We still haven't received the appropriate link from the woman over at pizzaidf.org yet, so Tanya set up a Paypal account for donations. We will transfer any funds accumulated over to the pizza site once she sets us up over there. And no, I have no idea why this little button is taking up so much space.

Yesterday’s post about the pizza and donuts for the IDF has taken on a life of its own, as I was hoping it would.

Tanya thankfully took control and sent an email to the coordinator of the effort, who was thrilled with the idea of a group donation. She is going to set us up with our own donation link so we can keep track of how much we donated as a group.

For those who didn’t see the previous post, Pizza for IDF is an website that utilizes pizza and donut shops in Israel to deliver food to Israeli troops.

This works on a couple of levels. First, sending the troops a nice little feast would show our solidarity and support. Being that Chanukah starts next week, this is a perfect time to do it, as I’m sure the soldiers would appreciate our well wishes and donations during their holiday season.

Because of the situation in the Middle East, tourism in Israel is at an all-time low. Many local merchants are suffering financially because of this. By using the Pizza for IDF website to send food to the soldiers, we would be giving business to some of these merchants who desperately need it.

You can also send messages to the soldiers with the food. I would like to collect all the messages myself instead of sending them separately to the website, so all of our wishes can be sent together with the food.

I urge you to join us in sending food, warm wishes and support to the Israeli soldiers. If you are in support of this action, please tell your friends, link to this post (and the post that will up at the Weblog Action Center shortly regarding this same thing), spread the word. The more money we get donated, the more soldiers we can treat. It doesn’t matter if it is one dollar or forty dollars, or if you can’t afford to donate and just want to send a message. Every little bit will go a long way towards bringing a little joy to a weary Israeli soldier.

Please keep checking back here for when I have a permanent link to our donation page. In the mean time, spread the word.

(I think this mission needs a catchy nickname. I was thinking mmmmm donuts, but that was merely for my own amusement. Once I think of a name, I can get started on a button and logo to keep up at the top of my page, and for anyone else to use to link to the cause)

killing in the name of

The Religion of Peace tm strikes again.

What happens when a newspaper suggest that Muhammed might have enjoyed the Miss World contest?

Letters to the editor?

A peaceful protest?

The death of at least 50 innocent people? Rampaging, rioting and burning churches?

Religion of peace, my ass.

And, like Eric Olsen says, don't even try to tell me this has nothing to do with Islam.

hamster dancing on a grave

So you all remember the story of my hamsters, right? A quick recap - Kobe (the male who turned out to be a female) and Akuma had sex. They had a litter. They ate the whole litter. Three weeks later, Kobe was pushing out another litter. A few days later, Kobe was dead, a victim of too much sex in too short a time. Akuma ate the remaining babies and now lives the life a lonely bachelor.

Mike - the newly famous Mike - sent me a link this morning to an online hamster cemetery. I am going to virtually bury Kobe at this repository, a lasting memory to the hamster that couldn't keep her legs closed.

The form asks for an epitaph. I want to do Kobe justice. I tried coming up with limericks, haikus and eloquent eulogies but all I have so far is:

Here lies Kobe, a hamster of mine
Had too many babies in too little time.

The site is a new version of an older site. You can see the old epitaphs here.

So, your Friday mission is to come up with an appropriate epitaph indicitave of the short, but cannibalistic and horny life of Kobe the Hamster. I'll use best one. Just think, your words on a hamster's virtual tombstone. Something to tell the grandkids about.

required reading

Today's required reading: Kim duToit on information collecting.

There will be a test later.

i think he just called you stupid

Thank you to reader Pearl for pointing out this gem.

Join U.S. military, degrade humanity

The author, Joe Zarro, uses several paragraphs to say something very simple: The soldiers of the U.S. military are gullible, stupid people who are being used for the grand plan of the United States taking over the world.

I've been hearing the argument loud and clear recently that most people who join the armed forces have no idea what they are getting into. They come from broken homes, poor neighborhoods. They are taken in by fight songs and commercials featuring rock bands and the grand prize of a free college education.

Again, I am only criticizing those in service -- not judging them as people. I understand many (far too many) are driven into service by social situations, and are there out of necessity, not ideals. Like most Americans, they are concerned about participating in society, not necessarily bettering it. The military provides economic incentives and job training in exchange for service, exploiting young people in need of a fair social structure.

First, yes he is judging them as people. Even though he goes out of his way several times to give the old "some of my best friends are soldiers" line, and points out that they are not stupid, the bottom line of this piece is that enlisted soldiers are too stupid to figure out why they are enlisted.

Like most Americans, they are concerned about participating in society, not necessarily bettering it.

Another baseless, wide-brush paint job. Most Americans I know work to better society. You don't necessarily have to be out on the streets picking up litter and taking in homeless people to better society. Some people do it just by the virtues of their jobs; police officers, teachers, even your local landscaper betters society by making it a more pleasant place to exist in.

Yet when you join the military, you give years of your life to corruption and death. Today's soldiers are not heroes deserving of unconditional respect -- they are enforcers of economic domination with blood on their hands.

If we didn't have such a large, powerful military, that corruption and death duo would be knocking on your door, Mr. Zarro. Without the U.S. being a police presence in the world, attacks like the ones that took place on September 11 would happen more often. The tyrants of the world would be breathing down your neck, just waiting to make you a victim in their jihads and missions.

I don't see Mr. Zarro putting himself out there on the front lines. I don't think he was in the Persion Gulf or in Afgahnistan, facing dangers and death so we here in the good old U.S. can live free.

The opening paragraphs to his article say it all:

Join the U.S. military and protect your country from itself. Go to distance lands and fight enemies engineered, funded and trained by your government. Mindlessly follow the orders to shoot slightly darker people from countries you know almost nothing about or fly really, really fast over a village and bomb women and children without slowing down.

Salute officers of the inner party who will pervert your sacrifices for profit. Answer to a bureaucracy controlled by politicians who use your life to pay back campaign favors to military insiders, who make huge sums from military spending. Risk your life so energy tycoons can have access to the second largest oil reserve in the world. And best of all, help maintain U.S. economic hegemony over the rest of the world, killing innocent people for your country's wealth.

In summation -- be a tool for imperialism and bastardize human life all around the globe.

He says nothing of the freedom that allows him to write this garbage without fear of being arrested for treason. He says nothing of the lives that were lost securing that freedom for him. His all about the oooooooillllllll rhetoric could lead one to believe that Zarro has been spending a lot of time hanging out with Babs and Michael Moore, or at least studiously memorizing their words and ideals so he can spout them off as his own.

I've seen a million articles, blog posts and message board rants just like this. Not one of these cowards ever thinks of what would happen if the U.S. just disbanded its armed forces and sat back and observed the rest of the world in action. They never think about the consequences of not going into these countries, of not fighting for democracy and freedom. They only think of what will look good on their protest signs. They think they are so brave and daring, but the real brave and daring ones are out their making sure that this country remains a place where dissent can be voiced without fear.

What about the terrorists - oh, I'm sorry, militants - who kill innocent people all over the world to further their religious or political agendas? Who is going to watch over them or go after them if not us? Who is going to go out there and make sure another skyscraper doesn't crumble to the ground or another embassy doesn't get blown to pieces?

And who is going to protect the asses of the these idealist fools marching in the streets when the bad guys come after us again? That's right - those mindless, gullible, ignorant, uneducated soldiers.

What have you done, Mr. Zarro, to better society? I mean, besides painting a few protest signs and cutting out of class to attend rallies shouting down the government? What are you doing to protect freedom and democracy and the future of our nation? The answer? Nothing. You are doing nothing but throwing verbal stones at the people who are out there protecting your rights.

I would really like to hear from my readers who are veterans or in the armed forces about Zarro's stance against the U.S. Military.

update Thanks to reader Dragon, we now know the true reason that Zarro wrote this article:

Everyone is missing the obvious point here. As a member of the US Air
Force currently in my 26th year of service I felt it was my duty to
show you all the true depths of Mr. Zarro's depravity. This isn't about
dissent, or free speech, or globalization or any of that stuff. It's
about tomorrow, 12 PM eastern time: the San Diego State Aztecs (3-8) vs.
the United States Air Force Academy Falcons (8-3).

I'll be checking ESPN for the game injury report.

November 21, 2002

kid talk

Story from a woman I work with today. She was giving her nine year old son "the talk" because he asked about it.

Kid: I know how a lady gets pregnant, mom.
Mom: Oh really? Do tell.
Kid: You date a chick and pee in her mouth.

That kid is never going to get a second date with a girl.

Reminds me of the sex talk with DJ. I guess it's a nine year old boy thing.

On another kid note - coaching your daughter's basketball team provides ample opportunity for you to embarass your child in ways you never knew possible. It's get even time, and I'm in charge.

give it a rest

If you don't like the idea of sending food to the IDF that's fine. There is no need to leave your negative comments here. I have plenty of other posts on the subject of the middle east where you are free to say whatever you want. Don't come in here and try to disuade people from joining my little holiday spirit thing. Really, don't be such an ass all your life, ok?

Anyhow, I'm trying to figure out the best way to do this; either have someone volunteer to organize it because I'm just not good at that stuff, or email the site that handles the deliveries and ask them to set up a special order form just for this purpose. If anyone wants to be the organizer, please let me know.

Stay away, asswipes, or I'll have something non-edible delivered straight down your throat. It's called my fist.

I'm still having Dreamhost issues. I'm still pissed. I've started smoking again. Don't mess with me tonight.

a pizza, some donuts and a show of support

Chanukah begins the day after Thanksgiving.

I was at this site and I thought it would be nice to send donuts to a couple of Israeli soldiers during Chanukah.

Then I thought, why only a couple of soldiers? There are an awful lot of pro-Israeli bloggers out there. What if we all got together and raised enough money to send pizza, soda and donuts for a whole platoon, or a whole company?

What better way to show not only solidarity with the soldiers, but to partake in the spirit of the holiday season?

Is anyone interested? Any ideas on how we can do this?

thanks to Bill Quick for the link

trim the fat

And you wonder how I could fall for that Ninja lawsuit hoax. This is why. It just would not be that far fetched considering the lawsuits that are filed these days.

Lawyers have filed a class-action lawsuit against McDonald's on behalf of New York children who have suffered health problems, including diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity.

In federal court in Manhattan on Wednesday, a lawyer alleged that the fast-food chain has created a national epidemic of obese children. Samuel Hirsch argued that the high fat, sugar and cholesterol content of McDonald's food is "a very insipid, toxic kind of thing" when ingested regularly by young kids.

The plaintiffs include a Bronx teen who ate every meal at McDonald's for three years while living in a homeless shelter. Another is a 13-year-old boy from Staten Island who says he ate at McDonald's food three to four times a week and is now 5-foot-4 and 278 pounds.

Perhaps there should be a lawyer who will file a lawsuit against the parents of these kids. A 278 pound 13 year old is obviously not getting the proper nutrition or exercise he needs. Nor is he getting the right guidance as far as nutrition goes if he eats McDonald's three or four times a week.

Fast food doesn't kill people. People kill people.

What the parents of these kids should do, instead of running for a lawyer, is first of all take their children to a physician so they can go on a proper diet. Get them to a gym. Supervise their nutrition.

Once again, we have parents laying the blame for their kids behavior on something else besides their own laziness and ignorance. Did the mother of that 13 year old not see him getting fat? I'm sure he didn't just blow up overnight. There had to be signs. What was she thinking when she had to buy him clothes in the large men's department instead of the young boy's department? A person cannot be that dense to not know that their child is dangerously obese and they should do something about.

And that something does not mean calling an attorney because your child has been fed garbage for the past 13 years.

Wake the fuck up, people. You are ruining your kids. Set a good model for them. Accept responsibilty for your behavior and teach them to do the same.

today's public service announcement

Yale Petition to Oppose Divestment from Israel.

From N.Z. Bear: Also on their site is a list of links to other anti-divestment campus groups, including those at Columbia, the University of Pennsylvania, Harvard/MIT, the University of California, and the University of Michigan.

If you are affiliated with any of these schools in any way, I urge you to sign the appropriate petition and show your support for Israel. And if not, consider donating to one of the sponsoring groups --- or at least, drop them a message of support.

that's some wack shit, dude

From NYC Indymedia:

November 20th was the Not In Our Name National Student/Youth Day of Action Against The War. Here at ‘Ground Zero’ thousands of New York City high school and college students gathered in solidarity to say “NO, NOT IN OUR NAME” to the war on Iraq. Over 2,000 strong the youth took the entire street of Broadway. We did this in the face of threats from administration, campus security that tried to block them at the doors, talk of suspension, and all kinds of other wack shit. We rallied at Union Square, till our numbers swelled so much we just HAD to take it to the streets. The cops said we could have University Place--but as we all shouted out together as we did it: “We’re taking fucking Broadway!!!”

Yea, that's some fucking wack shit.

I just found that story amusing for some reason.

And then we did! As one of the MC’s said, “We took Union Square without a permit. We marched down fucking Broadway without a permit. We permitted ourselves to take history into our own hands!”

Translation: We broke the law! We ignored the police! We actually thought we were making history by shouting in the streets! Rules? We don't need no stinkin' rules. Fuck authority cause we are gonna do some wack shit for history!

We moved to Washington Square Park and held a HOT rally, fists in the air. Students talked about why they came out--why they weren’t intimidated. One student pointed to a playground on the other side of the park. She said, “Look at all those innocent little children playing. If they were in Iraq they could be dead in a few days. We are not going to let that happen!” Another student came up and said, “This goes out to my principal who threatened me with suspension. FUCK YOU!!! You are not in danger of being drafted. I AM!!! And I am not going to sit in your fucking school and be intimidated by you!”

Darling, if those little innocent children were in Iraq they wouldn't be playing on a playground. They don't have that kind of free childhood. And yea, they might be dead tomorrow because the leader of their country might decide they were expendable and dip them in a vat of acid. Or maybe they would just starve to death. Or maybe they would they would be praying for America to come in and liberate them.

As for the shout out to the principal - wow man, you are like, uh, so fucking cool Beavis.

Imagine the nerve of that principal for suspending a kid for cutting out of school!

Together we took the Not In Our Name Pledge of Resistance, fists in the air! We promised to ourselves and to the people of the world that with every escalation and war move from the Asses of Evil, we’re gonna meet it with escalating Resistance!

Odd are ten to one that when the next terrorist attack happens in New York City, this kid will be under his bed crying for his mommy. And he will not resist when the armed fucking forces of America go out to save his scrawny, cowardly ass.

on the bus

I'm settling in here. Stacy has a done a fine job finding my essence in this design. She made it so it's easy for me to tweak, and I'm sure I'll be fooling around with the colors and whatnot before long.

I dreamed about buses last night and with good reason; there has been threats of a school bus strike in our district for the last week. The last thing I heard on the news before I went to sleep last night was that the strike was imminent. So of course, I dreamed of buses and kids getting to school late.

This morning the news say the strike has been averted. Good. And then I click through that story and over to CNN and I see a bus, a shell of a bus really, windows blown out and roof torn apart.

CNN calls it a suicide bombing, FOX calls it a homicide bombing and I still call it a terrorist attack.

There were children on that bus. I think of the juxtaposition of the two stories. Me, over here in America, worrying that the bus won't come today. And over in Israel, sobbing relatives, staring at the bus that became the place of death for their loved ones.

Think for a minute about the soul of a person who can step onto a bus, see children sitting there, and then proceeds to blow the bus up.

Think about the mind of a person who believes he is justified in doing that.

Try to put yourself in that mind, that soul. It's a very scary place to be. It is the mind and soul of someone who knows nothing but hate and death; someone who was born and raised into a culture of terrorism. He knew nothing else but a sick sense of revenge and justification.

This will never end because the people will not let it end. While the children of Israel are on buses headed to school, their Palestinian counterparts are being dressed in the garb of suicide bombers. They are being taught hate and death. They are being raised in blood. They will never know any better and when they are older they will only see a bus full of innocent children as targets.

Abdel Aziz Rantisi, a leader of Hamas, said shootings and bombings would not stop. "The only way to liberate the land and the nation ... is resistance, first and foremost martyrdom operations," he told the Arab satellite TV station Al Jazeera.

As long as they believe that, and they are passing that warped sense of martydom onto their children, it will never stop.

November 20, 2002

fisking fisk's teeth

I watched Robert Fisk on C-Span last night. What his up with his teeth? They are nasty.


I'm baaaaaaaack

What a day. What a fucking day. I am off Dreamhost and on Bloggerzone.

Stacy is an amazing person. I can't say enough about her. I sent out a shout for help this morning - just asking her what the problem could be. Not only did she go in and try to upgrade the MT for me, but when she realized that wasn't the problem, she emailed my hosts, told me to find a new one, set my blog and my MT up on the new host, moved everything and started a redesign. I would bear her children if I could.

So now I'm on a new host, everything looks great, and our computer guy came over and networked our comps, finally. What does that mean? It means Justin and I will be conversing through AIM from now on. Just like old long distance days. Except I won't be able to lie about what I'm wearing.

So, did you miss me?


note: I am having serious Moveable Type problems today. It took me an hour just go get this to post. If posting is non existent today, that's why.


I had one of my end of the world dreams.

It started small, with the local library going up in flames. Then building after building went on fire, tiny sparks of heat filling the air. I watched from a distance and then turned and ran home, pumping my legs furiously as I tried to get to my house before it, too went up in smoke with my family trapped inside.

I screamed out to everyone I passed on the street that our town was on fire. I heard radio reports - L.A. was in flames. Texas was in flames. Explosions could be heard for miles around.

I had to get to my mother. She was working in a lingerie store, even though in real life she works in the very library that was now a pile of cinders. I had to crawl through a mail slot to get into the store, and at first she didn't believe me when I told her about the fires. Then we were running for lives and I kept saying that this was it, we were going to die.

My son had stayed home from school that day and was with his father, so I wasn't worried about him being trapped in the school. But Natalie was at school and I wanted to pick her up before the school went into panic mode. For some reason, news about the fires was traveling very slow; most people didn't know yet.

For the second time this week, I drove a yellow Volkswagen in my dream. Bonnie from work was there, as was my sister and some little girl. We were weaving in an out of traffic and I realized no one was driving the car. Bonnie motioned for me to take the wheel and I hopped into the front seat, crying and hysterical and almost unable to see because of my tears.

When we finally got to the school, we were parked on a circular ramp and you had to go through a maze to get off of it and into the school. It took me so long to find my way to the school's front doors that by the time I did, the sky had filled with dark clouds of smoke and flames were all around us. Yet, when I got to the front desk in the school, the secretary was going about her business as if nothing was going on. Finally, I signed some papers, found Natalie and we went to search for the car in the parking lot.

We got lost on the way home and ended up walking through a forest, not unlike a forest from a Grimm fairy tale. We braved treacherous paths and broken wooden bridges to get back to the car. Most paths were surrounded by trees, except for the parts where there was nothing on either side, just a huge drop. One path led to a wooden sign, painted crudely with the word INSTAPUNDIT. I told everyone the tale of how Mr. Instapundit was a recluse and no one should go on his property.

Finally, we found our way out of the woods and we were back in the car, on our way to a Roy Rogers restaurant to get some roast beef. There, I saw all the people I hated in high school, and they were having some grand sing-a-long. They wanted me to sing with them, but I couldn't because I was eating a sandwich and no matter how many times I chewed, the food would not get small enough for me to swallow, so my mouth was always full.

I looked out the window of the restaurant long enough to see a wall of flames coming at us. It looked like a red and orange tidal wave and you could feel the intense heat as it approached.

That's when I had enough and woke myself up.

And now, I am beyond exhausted. I need to go back to sleep and dream about prancing through a meadow filled with fuzzy bunnies and colorful flowers.

November 19, 2002

when ninjas go bad

Warning: do not post and talk on the phone at the same time. Yes, yes I fell for a hoax. But come on, like this couldn't happen in this country? And you have to admit, it's a pretty funny hoax. And very well done, except for that anycities URL which I may have noticed had I not been so busy yapping away on the phone while I was posting. Multi-tasking bad.

when ninjas go bad

Author of popular website sued for negligence.

A single mother leads a coalition to call for more repsonsibility in controlling information produced from the internet. Her first target--a website about ninjas. Mutton, South Carolina--Margerie Evans, a single mother of three, filed charges on Monday against Robert Hamburger, a 10-year-old Los Angelean, for his portrayal of ninjas in a popular website.

"This young man is encourganging the youth to physically act out violence. Doesn't [Robert] remember Columbine? Where was he on September 11th?" said Ms. Evans in a statement to Reuters. In a prelimary trial, Ms. Evans stated that because of realultimatepower.net, her children have been climbing on the furniture, beating on cats, and "spitting up all over the damn place."

..."Ms. Evans is a hard working Christian mother who is just trying raise her kids right. How can she do that when you've got demented little boys filling the internet with violent lies? People believe anything if it's presented on the internet. It's a dangerous medium that must be controlled carefully" said Ms. Evans' attorney on Monday.

Let's take this one step at a time:

coalition to call for more repsonsibility in controlling information produced from the internet

And I'm going to start the Coalition to have parents be more responsible when letting their kids use the internet.

This young man is encourganging the youth to physically act out violence. Doesn't [Robert] remember Columbine? Where was he on September 11th?" said Ms. Evans in a statement to Reuters. In a prelimary trial, Ms. Evans stated that because of realultimatepower.net, her children have been climbing on the furniture, beating on cats, and "spitting up all over the damn place."

The kid who made the website is ten. He was seven when Columbine happened. I don't think it really enters his mind all that much. And what in the hell does September 11 have to do with ninjas? Am I missing a link here?

Ok, her children have been doing all that stuff and she's blaming it on a website? Lady, your kids can't jump on the furniture, beat catss and spit all over the place if you don't let them. How about a little discipline. How about stopping them from looking at the damn website in the first place. How about a little god damn mothering instead of getting a lawyer to solve your bad parenting problems?

..."Ms. Evans is a hard working Christian mother who is just trying raise her kids right. How can she do that when you've got demented little boys filling the internet with violent lies? People believe anything if it's presented on the internet. It's a dangerous medium that must be controlled carefully" said Ms. Evans' attorney on Monday.

If she was a good Christian mother who was raising her kids right, she would be monitoring their internet use. And if her sons believe anything that's presented on the internet, she hasn't done a very good job of teaching them the difference between reality and fantasy. The dangerous thing that must be controlled here is the need of parents to run for a lawyer every time their idiotic, uncontrolled kids do something wrong. Ms. Evans is only teaching her kids to not accept responsibility for their actions. She is suing a ten year old kid in order to excuse the behavior of her little monsters. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, people. What the hell are we teaching our kids? This woman should be laughed at by whatever judge sees her case. She is a lazy parent, a money grubbing, responsibility shirker and her kids will end up being the same. Oh sure, let me hand a you a million dollar settlement because you were too fucking wrapped up in your own little world to watch what your kids were doing or discipline them when they acted out.

Of course, the kid who made the website is no better: "When asked about the lawsuit, Robert Hamburger replied "Ms. Evans is a frigg'n idiot. She needs to shut her mouth right now or I'm going to take a skinny dump on her scalp. "

Despite the lawsuit, Robert says he will continue to tell people how sweet ninjas are "no matter what" and pork as many hot babes as it takes.

Someone needs to smack his him and his parents upside the head.


(link from the guy with the ten NHL games on his tv)

wanna be startin' something

wanna be startin' something

I just could not do justice to this story the way Lair did. But I do think a caption is in order.

Have at it.


I took my baby to the doctor
With a fever, but nothing he found
By the time this hit the street
They said she had a breakdown
Someone's always tryin' to start my baby cryin'
Talkin', squealin', lyin'
Sayin' you just wanna be startin' somethin'

Oh, nevermind. I thought that said "by the time she hit the street." I thought he was just engaging in some self-fulfilled prophecy.

(I was trying to engage in some Lair-like bad taste commentary. Did it work?)


I pick up a package of toilet paper and worry about nuclear waste. I hope that someday American can wipe away all the waste it produces.

A contest involving really bad metaphors and household products. I could do this all night. And probably will.

download this, asswipe

To the asswipe (IP address who keeps leaving comments on old posts that include a link to some vague download:

You have been hexed. Your hair will fall off, your computer will seize up and die, and some strange woman will knock on your door tonight and kick you in the balls.

Now, shoo. Go away.


Attention: Yahoo Mail sucks ass. If you are waiting for an email from me, it's likely that I have written said email but it has vanished into the netherworld of known as "cannot access mailbox." If you have sent me a mail and I have not responded, it's likely that I never got the email at all because it is stuck in a purgatory known as "invalid mailbox state."

There's got to be a better way.

another performer in the clueless parade

another performer in the clueless parade

Have you had enough of Susan Sarandon yet? Well Susan Sarandon hasn't. The woman (oops, womyn) has just graduated to Grand Fucknozzle Master.

It's not just that she claims it is the job of artists to speak out on their political views. It's not even her claim that actors and actresses are "outside of society" that irritated me so much this time around. (Tim Blair takes care of those points).

It is this line, "I've maintained a fairly low standard of living in terms of cars, houses and planes and in that way I don't have to make a huge amount of money to maintain my lifestyle," that left me feeling just slightly this side of homicidal.

Cars. Houses Planes.

Is that what the average Hollywood millionare considers a "low standard of living" these days? What kind of person besides a smug rich one mentions planes when talking about their living standars? And a low one at that!

I'm sure all those nice folk who are marching behind her at protests will be relieved to know she follows through on all her capitalism-is-evil talk and maintains such a low standard of living. I mean, maybe I am over reacting. Maybe she has only two planes and not four of five like some of those greedy bastards in Hollywood.

Of course, since Ms. Sarandon believes that, as an artist, she is outside of society, she will just deflect any criticism of her lifestyle with that teflon coating of fame she is wearing.

These poor, put upon actors who are under so much distress for their anti-governemnt views, I just want to weep for them. They claim they don't want to be role models, they don't want to be put on some pedestal, but then they get pissed when no one is listening to them outside of their acting parts.

There's a reason that only a few thousand misguided people gathered together in solidarity and protest are listening to you, Susan: you have nothing new to say.

You know, I'm being really mean here. It's not fair. I think I'll start a new cause just for Susan Sarandon: The New PETA.

or maybe the batmobile

or maybe the batmobile

What would Jesus Drive?

Well, duh! A Chrystler!

the humyn league

the humyn league

He, she or they? Guidelines on gender, language getting update
Found in: THE NEWS-GAZETTE (Chicago), link via Gleeful Extremist

Language, thought and culture influence each other, and a new set of guidelines for word and grammar choices strives to eliminate stereotypes about men and women. “Guidelines for Gender-Fair Use of Language” will be in the spotlight later this month at the National Council of Teachers of English convention in Atlanta. The group is based in Urbana. The statement was originally written in 1975. It was revised in 1985 and was previously known as “Guidelines for Nonsexist Use of Language.” “We used to use the term ‘sexist.' I think we've come to realize that what we want to talk about is gender, it is in cultural terms as opposed to biological,” said Mary Harmon, a professor at Saginaw Valley State University in Michigan who was a leader in creating the documents.

There are certain phrases in the English language I have conceded to changing. For instance, I will call a female postal worker simply a postal worker instead of the mailman. I'll even accept flight attendant in place of stewardess. But sometimes I think we have flown over the edge of political correctness and into some language based twilight zone.

The document Guidelines for Gender-Fair Use of Language, revised 2002 calls for drastic changes in the classroom. One portion states:

Avoid exclusionary forms such as mankind, man's achievments, the best man for the job, man the controls, man the ticket booth.

Choose inclusionary alternatives such as humanity, human beings, people, human achievements, the best person for the job, take charge of,
staff the ticket booth.

Also, instead of man-made (as in man-made materials), use the phrase artificial materials or even synthetic materials.

Freshman (as in certain official names such as freshman orientation). First-year student is an alternative which may work.

Alumni is a masculine plural form; alumnae is the feminine plural.

Don't use age-old phrases such as "you guys go ahead." Don't say "I'm having lunch with the girls." (Even if the girls may not mind that you say that)

Here's my favorite: Addressing correspondence Mr. and Mrs. Michael Webber is exlusionary. Instead, use Ms. Olivia Webber and Mr. Michael Webber.

So, do I start teaching my kids to say person-hole instead of manhole? Do we change spellings in accordance with these guidelines, as in womyn or humyn instead of woman and human? I'm sure Mr. Man Eating Shark will not be pleased to have his name changed to Person Eating Shark. It just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Does, how's it hanging, man? become how's it hanging, person?

If I were to write a manifesto about manatees, I would have to call it a Personifesto about Personatees. Or Peopleatees. Peopleifesto?

Shit! What do we call Manhattan now? Humanhattan?

Why must we teach our children to tiptoe around the language? Pretty soon they will be afraid to open their mouths, in fear that they might offend someone. When I say "Hurry up, guys!" my daughter does not protest my use of the word guys and I hope she never does.

I'm going to lunch. Maybe I'll have a Manwich. I mean, a Womanwich. No, a Peoplwich.

Fuck it, I'm going to have a salad. I can't mess that word up.

what happens when you let a blood thirsty hawk run a children's party

what happens when you let a blood thirsty hawk run a children's party

See that link up there? The one about my Raising Hell story? Well, you have to go read that story in order to understand the following post. Go ahead, I'll wait. I have to make coffee anyhow.

Back already? Did you leave a comment? Good.

So the dreaded firehouse Holiday party is approaching again. To avoid a repeat of last year's fiasco (and all the fiascos that preceded it), my sister has gallantly offered to take over the party planning. Of course, that means I will be her trust sidekick. The key is to make the party interesting for everyone there; crying babies, restless toddlers, rambunctious grade school kids and sarcastic pre-teens. Not to mention the grownups.

I'm trying to think of some games and crafts that might keep the party from erupting into its usual yawn fest. Here's what I came up with so far:

Pin The Bomb on Saddam -
Donkeys are old hat. The kids want something new and exciting, something that will give them a reason to walk blindly in circles just after eating hot dogs. What all-American kid wouldn't want to have the opportunity to engage in holiday cheer by pinning a bomb disguised as a Christmas ornament on Saddam? And when one kid finally hits the spot, all the grownups can yell, "BOOM!"

Bobbing for Piranhas -
Towards the end of the party, you round up all the kids that have acted like animals escaped from the wild and have them bob for deadly fish. The entertainment value of this one speaks for itself.

Craft Time: Strike!
First, you tell the kids the story of how the elves unionized at some point and then Santa broke the labor laws when he forced the elves to work mandatory overtime without pay, let them take pee breaks only once a day, and drank all the coffee in the lounge without replacing it. Then have the kids make strike signs and march around yelling "Santa is Unfair to Elves!"

Award door prizes to: the first kid to cry when Santa walks in the door; the first baby to pee on Santa's lap; the first kid to kick Santa in the shin; the first kid to whine that he didn't get the present he wanted and Santa is a cheapskate. Also, prizes to the first adult who breaks into the firehouse liquor cabinet and the first mother who gets her ass groped by Santa.

Game: Guess the Santa!
Line up a whole bunch of firemen dressed up like Santa and have the kids pick out the sober santa! This would include fun-filled games like Walk The Straight Line and Sing The Alphabet Backwards. Hilarity ensues for sure!

So far, it sounds like a rousing party that all ages will find fun and exciting, unlike last year.

Any other suggestions?



Notice: I know my comment system is buggy. I haven't the slightest clue how to fix it, so we'll just have to deal with it. In the event that you get an error when posting a comment, just wait a bit and see if it posted anyhow. Most likely, it did. This will avoid double posting and you feeling guilty about the double posting enough to email me about it and then me feeling guilty for my web-based illiteracy that made you feel guilty in the first place.

Today is National Ammo Day. Have gun, buy ammo.

and sometimes there is good news

and sometimes there is good news

If every day started off with a spectacular meteor shower and a story like this.

Yesterday's Newsday carried the story of Kathleen Lutz. Kathleen is 32 years old. Both of her parents have passed away. She has seven brothers and sisters, all adopted, all younger than her, all left in her care.

All the siblings have Down's Syndrome in addition to other health problems.

Kathleen has an inoperable brain tumor.

Now, stop and think about what you would do in that situation. Me, I would curl up in a fetal position under the table and wait for someone to rescue me. I would cave, for sure.

Kathleen didn't cave. She moved back home to take care of her siblings. Seven siblings, all with mental and physical handicaps. And her with a brain tumor, needing chemo and other treatments.

I found myself crying yesterday as I read that story, out of sadness for Kathleen Lutz, yet out of happiness for the siblings, that someone loves them so much, so unselfishly, that she is giving the short time she has left in her life to make sure they are together and as happy and comfortable as possible. I wanted to do something for her; to reach out to her.

Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt like that. Nor did I think I would be.

Yesterday, Kathleen Lutz was busy fielding phone calls and answering the door. Workers showed up to take care of repairs the house badly needed. Strangers called to see how they could help. Home Depot donated building supplies. A local Boy Scout troop adopted the family, promising to help out around the house and raise money for Christmas presents. A heating company came in and fixed the heating problems in some of the rooms.

If you are interested, The Family Service League of Huntington is accepting donations to aid the Lutz family. Checks should be made payable to Family Service League -- Lutz Family, and sent to the Family Service League, 790 Park Ave., Huntington, N.Y. 11743.

November 18, 2002

the other madonna

the other madonna

Last thing before bed (I have to get up really early to look at the meteor showers):

Bill from Bloviating Inanities has a mother-in-law. Her name is Madonna. Madonna started a blog.

She says that next time she sees Bill she is going to fart on him and piss in his eye.

I like her already.

New Rule

New Rule:

If you jump into my comments with name calling and baseless accusations and don't leave a name or email address, your IP gets banned.

I'm all for debate and discussion and even arguing. I am not, however, for doing it as a coward. Stand up and look me in the face if you have something to say to me or don't bother saying it at all.

found a peanut

found a peanut

Jimmy Carter says U.S. should set example and disarm:

The former United States president Jimmy Carter says the US, which has taken the lead in urging such countries as Iraq and North Korea to destroy their weapons of mass destruction, should also disarm.

"One of the things that the United States Government has not done is to try to comply with and enforce international efforts targeted to prohibit the arsenals of biological weapons that we ourselves have," Mr Carter told CNN.

"The major powers need to set an example," Mr Carter said, as the US confronts Iraq over its possession of such banned weapons.

"Quite often the big countries that are responsible for the peace of the world set a very poor example for those who might hunger for the esteem or the power or the threats that they can develop from nuclear weapons themselves.

The man has lost his mind.

I suppose if I confront a robber, Jimmy would want me to drop my gun in the hopes that the robber would drop his gun, too. After all, the robber is jealous of the power that my gun holds, or he's making up for not having as big a set of balls as me or something.

What does Nobel Prize winner Mr. Carter expect to happen when the U.S. disarms? The flowers will grow and the children will sing and all nations will join together as one and live in harmony?

No, not quite. We'd be at the mercy of those left holding the weapons. And they would be laughing at us. Laughing very hard.

If you are in a crowded room, someone will be the tallest. Someone will be the strongest. Someone will be the loudest. On a planet of nations, one nation will always be the most powerful. If not the U.S., then who? I would like to ask Mr. Carter which nation he would choose to be the strongest. Which nation does he think can fill the role as the world's babysitter? Iraq? Sweden? Canada?

He also said:

The US had given many countries cause for resentment and scorn, he said.

"There is a sense that the United States has become too arrogant, too dominant, too self-centred, proud of our wealth, believing that we deserve to be the richest and most powerful and influential nation in the world.

"I think they feel that we don't really care about them, which is quite often true."

Here we go again with the "America is to blame" rhetoric.

Sure, we are a wealthy nation. We are a powerful nation. We are an influential nation. Unlike say, Iraq or North Korea, our citizens are free. We are free to work and live and worship and shop were we want to. We can move about and speak freely. That is what leads to a nation becoming wealthy and influential - because our government allows us to become that. Resentment? Sure. The same way a person who is a lazy shit and works at a menial, part-time job becomes resentful of his best friend who worked his ass off and made a ton of money and lives a good, productive, happy life. It's resentment borne of jealousy. There's no reason that those nations could not have become like the U.S. But their tyranical leaders loved the control too much and would not let their citizens be free.

As for the U.S. not caring about other nations, then why the hell are we always running to the rescue of everyone else?

If Mr. Nobel Peace Prize thinks the other nations of the world are so much better than the U.S., then perhaps he should go seek his fortune in one of those places. His disdain for his oun country is very obvious.

ass smacking

ass smacking

By now, you've seen the leftist ladies who thought that an all naked sign of peace was a good idea.

Well, I rounded them up, smacked their asses heads a couple of times and knocked some sense into them. They have now joined The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. I have proof.

thanks to my sister Lisa for "obtaining" the proof.

daily required reading

daily required reading

I take back what I said in my last rant.

I am not a Jewish American Princess.

I am a Jew. I am an American.

And I’m too pissed off to be a princess.

Go read Rossi and fall in love with her.

anarchy: it's for the children(tm)

Anarchy: It's For the Childrentm

I stumbled onto Anarchistparenting.com this morning and from there, found this article: What methods of child rearing do anarchists advocate?

If one accepts the thesis that the authoritarian family is the breeding ground for both individual psychological problems and political reaction, it follows that anarchists should try to develop ways of raising children that will not psychologically cripple them but instead enable them to accept freedom and responsibility while developing natural self-regulation. We will refer to children raised in such a way as "free children."

the authoritarian family is the breeding ground for both individual psychological problems...

Interesting, because every therapist my children have been to have told me that I don't assert my authority enough. Even more interesting is once I changed that habit, most of the problems I had with my children disappeared. I now firmly believe that being an authoritarian parent is something kids need. I don't understand how one "psychollogically cripples" a child by being an assertive authority figure to them.

Free children? All children are "free." Free will is a right of any human being. And even though I am an authoritarian figure with them, my kids still have the right to think for themselves, to discover their own way in life, to make choices about their everyday lives.

If we accept that children are the property of their parents then we are implicitly stating that a child's formative years are spent in slavery, hardly a relationship which will promote the individuality and freedom of the child or the wider society. Little wonder that most anarchists reject such assertions. Instead they argue that the "rights of the parents shall be confined to loving their children and exercising over them . . . authority [that] does not run counter to their morality, their mental development, or their future freedom."
(please see article for citations)

Well about the slavery thing - sure I was my parents' slave, so to speak. I was their personal remote control, light dimmer and waitress. And that's ok because they were my personal chauferrs and tutors and cooks. Being their "slave" certainly did not stop me from developing my own personality, individuality or freedom. In fact, for most of my adult years, my morality and politics ran counter to that of my parents.

I don't exactly treat my kids like slaves but I do feel that I have ownership over them. They must answer to me. They must obey me. They must do as they are told. Because I am the adult in the house, and I know better than them what needs to be done and how it needs to be done and why.

The article then goes on to explain how parents who stifle their children by not raising them "free" cause their children to reduce their "life-energy" when they have to submerge their natural expression, thus causing them untold physical and emotional pain.

Ignoring that notion for now, let's move on to Anarchist Child Rearing in a Capitalist Society :

After hearing me talk so often about the evils of government, my five year old daughter asks me "are you my government or something?" when I tell her to do things she doesn't really want to do. I'm constantly having to explain why I've asked her to do things. It's annoying and it takes a hell of a lot of time, but she won't accept authority blindly, not even from her parents.

She's talking about her five year old daughter there. Yes, she talks to her five year old about the evils of government. This, to me, flies in the face of the anarchist parent's asserstion that children should be raised "free" and able to make their own choices. Indoctrinating a child to your world view from that young and impressionable age is hardly encouraging free thought.

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I think kids, at least until a certain age, should accept a parent's authority blindly. If I tell my daughter to clean her room and she asks me why, she is not going to happy with my reaction to that question. If I tell my son to do his homework and he questions why he needs to do his homework, I won't even answer him. On the other hand, the author of the article is clearly telling her daughter that government is evil and the daughter is not questioning it. The mother, by raising her child to believe that captalism is the tool of satan, has expected her daughter to place blind trust in the mother's certainty of that statement.

Living in Los Angeles, going to demos and marches has also taught her lessons about the police. She has already abandoned the naive childhood trust in police that so many of her young friends exhibit.

In essence, she has undremined any authority figure her daughter may encounter. She does not trust the goverment nor the police, and while most adults don't, I think it is critical at five years old to think of the police as your friend, not as someone that mommy shouts "pig!" to when attending protest marches. Respect for authority - not necessarily blind trust - is something all kids should have. Later in life, when they are labeled "trouble makers" and have a hard time holding down a steady job, they can look back and blame the parents, justifiably.

Being a parent has taught me a lot about being an anarchist. My daughter is constantly reminding me how important it is to play. She questions my authority when I tell her to do things - "stop screaming," "come here," "get dressed," "pick up your toys" - the list is endless. "Why?" she constantly asks. Sometimes I find I don't have a good answer. And not having an answer keeps me in check. Maybe my request was unreasonable.

I always have a good answer. It's the same answer my parents gave me - "Because I asked you to." Not because I told you to - but because I asked. Stop screaming because it is really obnoxious and it does nothing to get your point across. Get dressed because we need to be out of the house in five minutes. Pick up your toys because it is your responsibility to take care of the mess you made. None of those things are unreasonable requests. I can imagine this child, in the fourth or fifth grade, questioning everything the teachers ask -whether it is something as simple as taking out their math textbook or as complicated as dividing fractions. And I can see this child as a young adult, trying to make it in the working world and wondering why she keeps getting fired for insubordination.

I'm not saying that kids should not question anything. But questioning authority is not an issue in my house. It's just not done. I also think five is a little young to be teaching kids about sweatshops and migrant workers. Nothing like giving a kid a needless sense of guilt at so early an age.

Despite my authoritarian beliefs, my kids have turned out to be quite the free thinkers. My daughter, much to my chagrin, is a liberal waiting to happen. But that is her choice and one I cannot and will not make for her. They read the papers and watch the news and ask questions about world events and I give them facts - not opinions - and let them develop their own individual opinions from there.

One of the last lines in the article is this: My kids are young yet. Perhaps the hardest part about being an anarchist parent will be letting go of them, allowing them to develop into whatever they want to be, even if it isn't an anarchist.

But by telling her child that captalism is bad and government is evil and cops are pigs and mommy should be questioned, she has stunted that development. Their minds are already fixed in one spot and their beliefs have already taken root, and that root is firmly attached to their mother's ideology. Instead of raising free children, is raising chidren who will be tied to her world views. That is not free.

Is there something wrong with my belief that kids should obey their parents, as well as their grandparents and other adult figures in their home? Is there something wrong with expecting them to have respect for authority and to not question the rules and regulations that, being children, are set up for their safety and concern?

There are plenty more articles there I would like to tackle. Another day, another rant.

another one sees the light

another one sees the light

Arthur and his Light of Reason have left the dark side of blogging and moved to their own domain. It's quite beautiful and the archives will always work. Go say hello!

open up and say baaaah!

open up and say baaaah!

It's official. The far left has officially lost their collective mind.

From VoxNYC: (Mr. Voxfux's words in italics)

"The American Empire is in the Hands of Movie Stars"

Bush is NOTHING compared to twenty major movie stars

Just one, "We are the world," style production and Bush falls. That is the power, a group of movie stars could have. And they may be our last hope. For Joe and Jane sixpack live and die on the turn of the symbol - and there's no more powerful symbol in the United States than stardom. Let us do everything and anything we can do to ignite the only thing that can rouse the American People - Movie Stars.

Oh, I can see it now. Babs, Woody, Sean, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon...all joining hands on stage. They would sing a rousing anti-war song penned by Bruce Springsteen while a Diamon Vision scoreboard in the background flashed numbers and the words "2,101 Converted to Liberalism!"

Quite possibly the ONLY ones who can rescue us from our dire condition is movie stars, since the overwhelming numbers of American politicians are lying immoral filth, like Bush. Journalists are mentally retarded cowards. and the population is like isolated segmented sheep, each in a sheep box seperated from the other sheep.

Ok, so you don't trust politicians and you don't trust journalists, and that's pretty reasonable. But you trust movie stars? You trust mulit-millionaires who live in mansions and have servants and shoes that cost more than your house is worth to lead you into a rebellion against the government and free the poor people of Iraq from tyranny? What a brilliant idea, to put your faith and trust in people who act for a living. People who by day serve as a mouthpiece for the liberal agenda but at night are out at some swank club, partying and not really giving a fuck about some destitute mother in Iraq. Sheep? What do you call someone who puts blind faith in celebritites to lead the country to some idealist vision of great peace and goodwill towards men? Can you say baaaaah? I thought so.

So far there are but scant few courageous movie stars stepping fourth. Robert Redford was a key early critic of Bush. He delivered an eloquent and passionate indightment of the Bush group. Barbara Streisand has been a vocal critic. Woody Harrelson has torn into Bush. And now Sean Penn delivers a blistering naked dress down of this Illuminati agent currently occupuying the White House.

Ten more movie stars and it is possible to change history. This is the power of stardom in America.

To quote an animated movie star, you are a sad, strange little man. I can't imagine that there are people sitting in the Capitol building discussing what Babs and Sean Penn are saying. Babs retrofits her website to clear up any mistakes she has in her mission statements. Is that the kind of person you want to put your trust in? And we all know what your patron saint, Michael Moore has been up to lately. Ten more movie stars? What are they going to do, parachute into the White House and take over the government? What kind of change can you expect a "We are the World" type event to have on America? Most of us will be laughing are asses off at the far left's attempt to change the course of history with a song and dance routine. Especiallly one starring Woody Harrelson.

Since our cowardly journalists and newspapers have no place in their editorial space for the bravery, integrity and honor that Sean Penn represented he incurred considerable personal expense - some $65,000 - to assure that his stand is is heard and he is on the record. That is more than I could say about Senators Daschle, or Leahy who are like fuckin' nutered sheep)

Bravery, integrity, honor, Sean Penn. Never thought I would see those words strung together. I'd rather not deconstruct that thought here, it would take up too much space.

Voxnyc salutes Sean Penn for Extroardinary Bravery on the Battlefield of Democracy. On November 14th Sean Penn drew his sword and thrust it squarely into the belly of the beast of tyranny. If only more of our stars could have the courage to strike such blows you would see this faker, this phony, this cowardly draftdodger Bush fall right on his face. We must begin a wave of dissent and protest. General strikes. No-buy days.

The Battlefield of Democracy? Bravery? Please, spare us your soap opera drivel. If Sean Penn was so brave on the battlefield he would be over in Iraq feeding the hungry with that $65,000 he spent on a newspaper ad. He would be taking poor kids to the doctor or buying textbooks for schools that are lacking in funds. He would be standing right there in Baghdad where his money and his bravery could do some good.

As for your no-buy day, bravo to you for supporting that gem of an idea - hey! let's hurt the economy to strike out at the president we hate because we think he destroyed the economy!

Thank You Sean Penn - for standing up to tyranny. The founding fathers of this nation would be there along side you.

The founding fathers would smack Sean Penn upside his head for being such a blathering idiot. And you would be next in line, Mr. Vox. You, the rest of your sheep and the Little Bo Peeps called celebrities that you follow along, wagging your tail behind them.

Crawl back under your tinfoil rock and hatch another plan. This one would laughable if it weren't so sad - in a pitiful sort of way.

(on a related note, see this)



Way back on September 11, 2001 - when I was a left leaning middle grounder - I remember thinking sometime that day as I watched the smoke of disaster fill the sky that I was kind of glad George Bush was president. Perhaps that was the beginning of the end of my left leaning ways. Or, conversely, the beginning of the start of my right leaning ways.

Now Al Gore is stumping around, preparing for a campaign for president. I do believe that his motto will be "Vote Al Gore. He's Not George Bush." That's all I can decipher out of his words these days, anyhow.

So I pose a question to all of you - left, right and middle alike:

What do you think would have happened if Gore had been the president on September 11, 2001? What actions would have taken? What do you think the country would be like today?

Just some hypothetical thinking to start your week off.

monday, monday

monday, monday

I've overslept. I never oversleep. But I was stuck in a dream about my sister playing violin for the mafia while I chastised Matthew Broderick for all the crappy movies he made. I was eating from a plate of raw clams crawling with ants.

Anyhow, morning posting will have to wait until I get to work. My car is covered in a thin layer of ice and Natalie's bus company may be on strike this morning. I love Mondays so.

Meanwhile, I leave you with the proof that I am truly blood thirsty and evil:


You are the quintessential madman. Centuries after your death, crazies will still look up to you as the epitome of your kind. You were the favorite child of the family, but something happened that altered your mind for the worse. As emperor, you killed and you destroyed. You thought yourself Zeus and devoured your unborn child; a child conceived with your sister. Your murder will be celebrated, and your name will forever be linked with depravity.

You were portrayed
by John Hurt.

Which I, Claudius Character are You? created by
Shiny Objects

Besides that part about conceiving a child with my sister, that seems like a pretty good profile of me, no? My mother forced me to watch I, Claudius when I was fourteen. This explains a lot, I believe.

Back to regularly scheduled programming later.

November 17, 2002

make porn not warblogs!

make porn not warblogs!

I guess I just don't have the energy for blood thirsty war baiting tonight.

How about some porn instead? Everyone loves porn!

This is a site of real X-Rated movies with titles taken from real movies. You know, The Beaverly Hillbillies, Cape Rear, Chittty Chitty Gang Bang.

Have at it. Without repeating anything on the list, make up your own porn titles from real movie titles.

Porn: Something we all can agree on, I believe.

Now, I have to go find backing for my restauRANT.

bragging moment

bragging moment

Ok one more thing before I tackle some idiots that need tackling (speaking of tackling, don't mention the Packers game if you know what's good for you).

I got Natalie's report card in the mail yesterday. Natalie, the girl who was labeled as a "crack kid" meaning she would fall through the cracks of the school sytem; the girl whose parents were told when she was five that she would never be able to understand math or read on her grade level; the girl who had plenty of teachers who gave up on her but several very special teachers that didn't; the girl whose parents were told to only expect average work out of her and that she would only attain menial job skills; ..well that Natalie made the scholastic roll in her first quarter of 7th grade with an 87.5 average.

That is all.

kiddie overload

kiddie overload

We're finally back home and I'm intent on blogging a whole bunch as soon as I recover from a day spent with more kids than one should ever have to spend the day with. Gaggingly cute pictures of kiddies coming soon. Meanwhile, a sample quote from a typical day with my family:

My brother in law Lew (hi Lew!) is his usual uptight self.

Me (to my mother): Do you want to pull the stick out of his ass or should I?
Mom stares at me wide eyed, mouth agape.
Me: What?
Mom: What did you just say?
I repeat what I said. Mom goes hysterical laughing.
Lew: What? What did I miss?
Mom: I thought Michele asked if I wanted to pull a dick out of your ass.
Lew: (looks at own ass) I don't think there's one in there.

Excedrin. A little wine. A nice hot shower. And then I'll be ready to rock.




I'll be out most of the day. We are heading over to my sister's to celebrate my nephew David's second birthday and, as with most family parties over here, it will probably last the entire day.

I never tire of telling the story of David and how he came to be my nephew. The following is what I wrote last year, when David turned one.

the story of david, on his first birthday

Several years ago, in the courthouse I work in (I was not working there yet at the time), an employee found the lifeless body of a newborn infant in a bathroom stall. One of the emergency workers who responded to the scene, Tim Jaccard, was so moved by the scene that he was motivated to start the AMT Children of Hope Foundation, a group which went on to found Safe Havens. Safe Havens are hospitals, private homes and houses of worship throughout Long Island that have drop-off points for women who have given birth, but for various reasons do not want to keep the babies. These are infants that may otherwise have been abandoned in restrooms or dumpsters, left for dead. Tim comes into this story again later.

My sister and her husband tried for many years to have a baby. When it became apparent that they were suffering from infertility, they sought medical help. They went through many tries at in-vitro fertilization, which is a physically and emotionally straining process. It never worked for them. They went through years of testing, experiments and physical procedures to try and conceive. They got to a point where they realized that it was just not going to happen for them. This is when they decided to try and adopt.

They first went to Catholic Charities, because my cousin adopted three children through them. They were turned down because my brother-in-law is Jewish. Nevermind that they are financially stable, own their own home, can provide a stable, loving environment for a child, and promised to raise the child Catholic. It wasn't good enough for them. Catholic Charities was a dead end.

They tried posting their number in colleges and on internet message boards made specifically for that purpose. Lots of phone calls, more dead ends.

One day my sister was talking to her friend Mary about her and her husband's frustration. Turns out Mary is Tim Jaccard's secretary. Mary put my sister in touch with Tim and the wheels began turning.

There were more dead ends at first. A young girl who decided to give her baby to someone else. A woman who, at the last minute, decided to keep her baby. That one was at Christmas time, and my sister had announced to us on Christmas Eve that they would be getting a baby. Two days later, the woman said no. And how can you be mad at that, really? She wanted to keep and raise her baby and that's a good thing, despite the pain it brought to my family. My sister and her husband made the decision that they would not tell anyone the next time there was hope for a baby. They would wait until the baby was born, the papers were signed and then and only then would they spread the news.

Cut to last December. I was sitting at my desk at work, when my sister (who works with me) came into my office looking pale. She was shaking. She had just received a phone call from Tim. There was a baby boy, born on November 20th and the mother, an illegal immigrant who had just come here from Burma, did not want this baby. She was ready and willing to sign papers giving him up. My sister and her husband had known about this woman since the baby was born, but said nothing to any family member, remembering what happened the last time. But now she had to tell me because Tim said on the phone to be ready to be a mother in two days. Two days. After years of waiting and hoping and being disappointed, she had two days to get ready for a baby. She was to leave work immediately and head to to the woman's apartment in Queens, where Tim was waiting for my sister and her husband to meet the mother. The mother wanted to see them first, to know who she was giving her baby up to. I walked my sister out to her car and wished her luck. As soon as she was gone, I broke a promise I made and called my mother.

Two hours later, my mother and I were in Target, spending a small fortune on baby supplies. Clothes, diapers, bottles and every accessory both useful and extravagant, were bought. By the time we got home, my father, who cannot keep a secret to save his life, had told every relative within shouting distance. Basically meaning everyone in town. Friends and family kept pulling up to the house, dropping off supplies. A bassinet. Enough diapers to last a month. More clothes, baby blankets, crib sheets. There were moments where we felt like we were jinxing the whole thing, pusing our luck, but we decided to test fate and stock up anyhow. Any woman who has ever had a child will tell you nine months is barely enough time to get everything ready. Imagine only having two days to prepare. We figured it was better to have this stuff ready for her than to have nothing ready at all, and have to run out that day to buy all the things they would need.

Sometime that night my sister called and said it was definite. The baby was theirs. He would be delivered to their home, by Tim, the next night. She still wouldn't believe it, wouldn't talk in definite tones until the baby was in her arms. Can you blame her?

The next day was a frenzy. There were still so many things to get, so many people to call. My sister was frantic, her husband was neurotic. By 9pm, there were 20 people, friends and family, sitting in their living room waiting for David. We had champagne ready. Finally, Tim pulled up at around 10pm. My sister freaked out and wouldn't go to the door. She was afraid Tim would be standing there empty handed, come to bring the bad news that the woman had changed her mind. I looked out the window and saw Tim lifting a little baby out of a car seat. I shoved my sister towards the front door and told her to chill out. And Tim walked in, held out David, and put him in my sister's waiting arms. There was not a dry eye in the house. My father was crying, the neighbors were crying. I thought my sister and her husband were both going to pass out. They held him and stared at him for the longest time and nobody moved, nobody talked. Finally, someone popped the cork on a champagne bottle and we all cheered. For the next hour, David was passed from person to person and we all stared in wonder at the baby we had waited so long for.

David is a year old now. Not a day goes by that I don't look at him and think about the birth mother he has out there somewhere, and I wonder if she knows what she gave up. I look at his engaging smile and listen to his loud laugh and kiss his soft little cheeks and I wonder. I see my sister and her husband with their child and I am so happy for them, and so thankful that Tim Jaccard afforded them this opportunity, that this adorable child was not abandoned in a dumpster in the dark of night because the mother had no one to turn to.

So happy first birthday, David. You are a lucky boy. You had a selfless, caring birth mother who made a choice that was hard for her and right for you. And you ended up in the arms and hearts of two people who will give you a lifetime of love.

the price of appeasement

the price of appeasement

Document warns of New York, D.C. attacks.

A statement attributed to al-Qaeda threatened more attacks in New York and Washington unless America stops supporting Israel and converts to Islam, an Arab TV reporter who received the unsigned document said.

Yosri Fouda, correspondent for the satellite station Al-Jazeera, told The Associated Press on Saturday that he received the six-page document Wednesday. That was a day after the TV station broadcast an audiotape purportedly made by Osama bin Laden.

Some quotes pulled from the statement, which hasn't been made available in its entirety yet:

Stop your support for Israel against the Palestinians, for Russians against the Chechens and leave us alone, or expect us in Washington and New York.

Do not force us to ship you in coffins.

You are placing Muslims under siege in Iraq where children die every day. Oh how weird that you don't care for 1.5 million Iraqi children who died under siege. But when 3,000 of your compatriots died, the whole world was shaken .

[Fouda] added the statement demanded U.S. troops leave the Arabian Peninsula, and justified the killings of American civilians because they pay taxes that finance military operations.

So, all you placard-wearing cowards at Indymedia and Michael Moore, Babs, the Berekely Brigade...how is this appeasement thing working out for you? You still think it's a good idea? You ready to convert to Islam?

This is what appeasement leads to. It gives terrorists reason to think that they can make demands on us. For every anti-war protester marching in the streets; for every idealist school teacher that heads over to Iraq to offer hugs and flowers; for every celebrity who thinks we should put down our weapons and just try to talk it out, they laugh at us. They laugh and they plot and they think we must be the most spineless, cowardly world power ever.

Appeasement gives power to your enemy. If you give a screaming child in the supermarket a toy just to shut him up, he will only turn his temper up a notch much faster the next time, knowing you will cave in and reward him for his obnoxious behavior.

Does it make me a monster for being willing to wipe out some innocent people in pursuit of our enemies - enemies who have the power to bring us down one city at a time? If there was ever a time to be selfish, this is it. I'm sorry, but I would much rather protect the life and future of my own children by taking out our enemies than trying once again to bargain with them in order to spare the lives of others.

Is this what it comes down to? Whose children do you want to protect? Why would you choose the children of a foreign, enemy country than your own? Are you that willing to sacrifice your own children in the name of peace?

They are coming for us. I do not take these threats lightly because they have already came for us once before, with success. We already know what al-Qaeda is capable of. Iraq has ten times the power and force of al-Qaeda. Why wait? Why wait until another building crumbles? Why wait until our children are dying of smallpox or our cities are burning? What is so wrong in wanting to prevent another September 11 or something worse than that?

By mentioning Iraq in the statements, al-Qaeda has aligned the two enemies. They are one and the same and should be treated as such. There is a war on terror going on, and a war should not include attempts at appeasement.

When the Golden Gate Bridge is thrown into the water, when Disneyland and Hollywood are nothing but ashes, the leftist will be lined up to blame the U.S. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation as far as the lefties are concerned.

I no longer care about what becomes of the victims of war on foreign soil. Excuse me while I practice a little surivival of the fittest and care more about my own children, my own neighbors and fellow Americans than I care about people living among those who want us dead.

Appeasement will not be done in my name. War will. And I hope we don't stop until every last terrorist is dead and buried.

Are you lefties ready to convert to Islam? Are you ready to hail Saddam and bin Laden as your leaders? Are you ready to become one of them?

I'm not.

November 16, 2002

about the crack and smack and whack that hits the street

about the crack and smack and whack that hits the street

We spent the day in Middle Earth and it was a good place to be.

However, sitting on the couch for five hours in near-dark, eating junk food and not moving except to pee drains you of any energy you may have had when you first sat down.

I wanted to deal with some of the comments about the post below, but I haven't a brain cell left that feels like working. There's always tomorrow. Hopefully.

9:00 and I'm going back on the couch for the night. Rainy, cold days are like that. You just want to snuggle up and watch the CNN special about kids smoking embalming fluid.

Do you ever wonder if the drugs you did as a kid have are having left their lasting impressions on your brain?

in our name

in our name

In Our Name

Pledge of Support

By Vincent M. Ferrari

In Our Name

We believe that as citizens of the United States, it is our responsibility to resist those who wish to destroy our country.

In our name, wage war against those who would destroy us. There will be no more deaths of Americans in senseless acts of terrorism against innocent people.

In our name, invade countries who harbor terrorists. Countries where freedom is at the whim of a murderous tyrant. Countries that would smite us from the face of the earth given the opportunity to do so.

In our names, defend the freedoms which allow the protestor to protest your actions. Defend these freedoms forcefully; the only appropriate way to defend freedom against those who would take it from us.

By our hands we will supply aid to any country wishing to free itself from the chains of a tyrannical government. That aid may come in the form of money, arms, or food.

By our actions, we will not allow fear of reprisal to persuade us away from doing what is right.

By our hearts, we will not allow moral relativism to preclude identifying those who are evil as such.

By our will, and in our name.

We pledge support.

We pledge allegiance with those whose tyrannical governments repress them.

We pledge alliance with those living in countries overrun by warlords and terrorists.

We pledge support for women who are treated as property and not as people.

We pledge to defend freedom in whatever way it is so manifested throughout all the nations of the world.

A world of peace and freedom is possible.

And it is not achieved by standing idly by and hoping for it.

We encourage the protection of peace

The fostering of freedom

and the return of dignity to the oppressed

In Our Name.

For me, this is not so much a petition as an act of standing up for what I believe in, and making those thoughts known. Thanks, Vin.

advance warning

Advance warning:

We are experiencing a lovely mix of rain, wind and ice pellets today; a typical November nor'easter. This means that there is a very good chance that the cable modem will crap out at some point today. If posting is light, that is the reason. Either that, or we have decided to spend the entire day watching all four discs of the Lord of the Rings Special Edition DVD.

ASV site o' the moment

ASV site o' the moment

Something I would like to do on a continual basis here is point to other blogs that I read. I don't read all war all the time. I like blogs about food and blogs about sex and blogs about life in general.

Today's blog is Chapel Perilous. Sylvain is a frequent commenter here, you may recognize her name as someone who leaves thoughtful, intelligent comments. Her blog is no different. The design is warm and comforting and I ofen head over there when I need a moment of zen. Go visit Sylvain - look around, leave her a comment and say hi. Do it For the Childrentm

commentary on commentary

note to self: tomorrow is stacy's birthday.

commentary on commentary

To Deech, who left this comment on my semantics post:

The problem I have is by advocating the use of the word terrorist to label Palestinians because they are Muslim and attacking civilians promotes the idea that all Muslims are terrorists and that there is no validity to Palestinian side of the argument.

Please point out where I used the word Muslim in that post, or where I said that all Palestinians are terrorists.

I use the word terrorist to label the Palestinians who ambushed and murdered twelve people yesterday. I never once said anything about Muslims. Please, read carefully before commenting on a post. You do nothing to further your side of the argument when you make shit up.

On this post, G says:

it reminds me of the photos showing the israeli people who are building illegal settlements in the occupied territories protesting and hurling themselves at the israeli soldiers who are coming to tear the houses down and give the land back. Both sides are killers and terrorists

Actually, it doesn't remind me of that at all. I have yet to see a photo of Israelis dancing in the streets when Palestinians are killed. I have yet to see a photo of Israeli mothers dressing their children up like terrorists. I have yet to see a photo of an Israeli classroom full of small, impressionable children having being taught to hate and worshiping the scenario of destruction and murder.

I have, however, seen all those photos of Palestinians.

Melissa leaves this comment in the post voices of doom:

This was released for war propoganda. The government needs a good reason to get Saddam. The general public isn't 100 percent behind it so releasing these tapes reminds the public that there is "an evil force out there"

This comment, and the story at VoxNYC which accuses the U.S. of fabricating the latest bin Laden tape to further the agenda of the war on terror, leaves me scratching my head.

I thought the most recent slogan of the left was "Bush is staging the war on Iraq to make us forget that we haven't caught bin Laden."

Which would make the idea that releasing the audio of the firemen and staging a video of bin Laden applauding terror fly in the face of the "make them forget bin Laden" theory. So which is it? The government is throwing 9/11 at us to keep up our anger or the government is staging a war on Iraq to make us forget 9/11?

Moving on to boobies, one Mr. Brooks writes, You just may be the perfect woman. I hate to burst your bubble, Eric, but I am not that great at cleaning the house and I am prone to changing into a huge, baggy t-shirt and a pair of boxers when I get home from work. I slouch, curse like a truck driver and I don't like wrestling or monster truck shows. I also, on occasion, am too tired to have sex. Perfect, I am not.

On the same post, Led writes: Hmm... you could always do your boobies up in camo paint. Maybe even diagram the mideast situation on them. Maybe you can become the BoobiePundit.

He may be on to something. I need to give this some thought.

And Rachel, as always is right. She says boobies is fun to type. Try it. Boobies. boobies. Yep, it's fun!

Troy leaves this comment on my post about fear:

Fear can be managed. Take up skydiving, and two things will happen: you'll learn to work with fear, and you'll discover that you can't be afraid of terrorists (or worried about work, either) while you're in freefall.

Yes, but that would mean first finding a hobby that will help me overcome my fear of heights. Being anxiety-ridden is a vicious cycle, I tell you.

One thing on the commentary on another blog. This exchange was posted in this entry on Joe's Short Strange Trip:

Question: Have you thought about switching to decaf?
Posted by Sean at November 15, 2002 03:32 PM

They make decaf viagra?
Posted by Joe McNally at November 15, 2002 03:44 PM

No, but I heard that God has a hard-on for Marines. Will that work?
Posted by Sean at November 15, 2002 03:50 PM

God has a penis?
Posted by michele at November 15, 2002 05:22 PM

Joe then sent me an email that said: No, you don't. I don't think...

That's a man who knows the right things to say.

And that's the Saturday morning commentary on the commentary.

November 15, 2002



Newly-Released Recording Captures Firefighters' Last Moments Before Towers Fell

The 73-minute recording of radio communications from firefighters in the stricken World Trade Center was found several weeks after the attack.

It was released last week by the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey to The New York Times after federal prosecutors, responding to a court request by the newspaper, said that making it public would not hurt terrorist cases. [emphasis added]

So what purpose does making it public serve? Why did I have to hear this on Fox News tonight, with the blurb "Voices of Doom" spelled out on the screen?

Please, someone tell me just one good reason why the public needs to hear these tapes played out on television.

If they wanted to just let the public know that the radio system was working fine, they could have just issued a press release to that extent. I don't need to hear the "voices of doom," as much as I did not need to see bodies falling from the towers or to hear the resulting thuds as they landed.

I don't know about you, but even a year later I still don't need reminders of what happened that day, nor do I need to relive the sights and sounds to keep the anger and anguish in my mind.



scum.gifPalestinian Islamic Jihad supporters chant anti-Israeli slogans while marching along the streets of Beach refugee camp in Gaza city, Friday Nov. 15, 2002 after militants of Islamic Jihad attacked Israelis in the West Bank town of Hebron. Palestinian militants raked Israeli troops and settlers with massive gunfire Friday in a carefully orchestrated ambush, killing 12 Israelis and wounding 15 in Hebron, a divided city long plagued by religious tensions and flashes of furious violence. (AP Photo/Adel Hana)

Can you imagine someone cheering the death of your father or mother or child? Please, tell me why it is that I should think of these terrorist supporters as human beings with souls? They are animals.

The sad thing is, they don't even know any better. They are raised that way, in a culture of hatred and violence. They are taught to be killers. The cycle will go on and on as long as the children are dressed up in ammo belts and grenades and paraded around in pride, as long as young men raise their arms in a gruesome cheer when twelve innoncent people are gunned down on their way to prayer.

boobs or brains?

boobs or brains?

So which is it?

My boobs or my mind?

Shall I cater to the sexist pig (not that there's anything wrong with it) crowd or the crowd that comes here for my blood thirsty vitriol and astute commentary on world affairs?

Umm..does the latter exist?

Women, do you care for the boobs? Would you rather I post pictures of your attributes? I would if you sent them. We could do a whole Sexy Beeyotches of Blogging thing.

I was thinking I could pepper my commentary with pictures that attest to my exhibitionist nature. And if I mix talk of Saddam and no-smoking laws with talk of the cunnilingus fairy and blowjobs, does that lessen any credibility I have the more intelligent and thoughtful of you or does it even matter?

Does sex and politics even mix? I mean, I'm sure for someone like Nancy Pelosi sex is politics in that whip you into submission sort of way. But does it work for me? Is it working for you? Would anyone like a cigarette?

Juan, did you get my tequila and tampons?

we have a winner

We have a winner!

Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for.

The winner of the 2002 Pro-Invasion/Get Your War On Jingle Contest is.......

Bill Whittle with his take on Bare Naked Ladies' One Week

It's been
one week since the GOP
took the congress back and said "we're angry"

Five days
I've been watching news
Saddam, man, I'm glad I'm not in YOUR shoes

Three days till you hear the boom
might want board the windows on the bedroom

I sure hoped I'd see
precision strikes against everything Iraqi

Hold on now and watch the French blink
I'm sure that they think
That they have stopped The Cowboy Nation

They're telling us not to fuss, get on their surrender bus
I like the Marines 'cause never lose a battle, man

Like Nagasaki during Last Time
We'll use our nukes prime
Because we're all about value

Fisk will have a bunch of mad fits
He'll try to match wits
You'll have to keep yourself from laughing

Gonna make a break and take that fake
and make that stinkin commie shake
I'd like to kill him, it's the finest of the favours

Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know
That Baathist crap has got to go
Cause it's so dangerous, and we're never gonna waver

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad

Trying hard not to smile though you feel bad

I'm NOT the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral

Can't understand what I mean?

Well, you soon will

We have a tendency to keep our minds on the job

We have a history of taking no more shit...

Bill will get a prize, though I haven't decided what that prize is yet.

Congratulations, Bill and thank you to all the participants as well as the judges: Stacy, Joe, Lair and Dodd.

I'd like to do more contests, because they are so much fun, but they would have to be for no prizes because I don't want to take an extra job to support my prize-giving habit. And who would enter a contest with no prize except a link? Well, I would. But that's me.

semantics lesson, part 245

semantics lesson, part 245

Maybe you are sick of hearing this, but I swear I am going to do this every single time a terrorist attack happens in Israel and I fail to find the word terrorist anywhere in the story.

What do you call it when a group of people on their way to a prayer service are gunned down - killing eleven of them and wounding twenty at last count? If you are CNN, you say:

A group of Palestinian militants opened fire on a group of Jews on their way to prayer services in the West Bank city of Hebron, killing at least 11 and wounding 20 others, according to a statement issued by the Israeli Consulate in New York.

If you are MSNBC you say:

The militant Palestinian group Islamic Jihad claimed responsibility for the shooting attack, Israeli TV reported.

Fox News:

HEBRON, West Bank — At least 11 Israelis were killed and about 20 others were wounded Friday when Palestinian militants opened fire on Jewish
worshippers as they walked toward a disputed shrine after sundown.

Washington Post/AP:

Palestinian militants opened fire on Jewish worshippers as they walked toward a disputed shrine after sundown Friday, killing at least 10 people and wounding 15 others, the Israeli military said.

[all emphasis added]

They are terrorists. T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-T-S. What part of this do they not understand?

One that engages in acts or an act of terrorism

The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

If it looks like a terrorist, acts like a terrorist.....



Attention: This is the last call for boobies! Wet boobies, dry boobies, boobies covered in ice cream. Don't delay, hurry now, operators are standing by. Give til it hurts and when you're done giving, grab a box of tissues or a tube sock and make it stop hurting.

Mine are on this page. They don't call me the tits of war for nothing.

*proceeds are going to a breast cancer charity, please see the site for more information*

for the children, episode 3

For the ChildrentmEpisode 3:

What are we doing to our children?

We are raising a future generation of wusses. Kids who are pandered to, coddled, kept from harm at all costs, wrapped in a soft, comfy blanket of political correctness and self-esteem issues. These are a whole generation of children who will never develop the coping skills necessary to get by in life without becoming a blubbering basket case of social deficiencies.

Take, for instance, what is going on in East Providence, Rhode Island: (link via number 2 pencil)

Concerns about infringements on free speech take a back seat when it comes to children's safety: That was the consensus among a sampling of parents interviewed about the new anti-bullying policy that was adopted by the School Committee Tuesday night.

The policy, which will go into effect at all of the city's public schools, defines bullying as not only "unwelcome physical contact with the intent to harm, embarrass or demean another student," but also "verbal abuse, including teasing, name-calling and harmful gossip; and emotional abuse, including humiliation, shunning and exclusion."

I'm not totally unfeeling; I can see where verbal abuse, emotional abuse and intentional humilation will not be tolerated. But how can you regulate shunning and exlusion, let alone name calling?

Unfortunately, there will always be the odd kid out. There will always be that one kid, or kids, who are relegated to the corner of the playground, the last in line, the dodge ball victim. I know. I was one.

You can't force children to play together. You cannot make a rule that says "everyone must play with Johnny or they will get detention." Not only is it unfair to the children who, for whatever reason, think Johnny is a pain in the ass to hang around with, but it is not fair to Johnny.

How will Johnny feel when he realizes that the other kids are being forced to include him? What's worse for Johnny's self-esteem - sitting alone on the playground digging dirt holes with his heel or standing in the middle of a baseball field while the other kids chuck dirt at him and let him know in no uncertain terms that they don't want him there?

If all Johnny's problems are solved for him through mediation and intervention and peer group facilitating, Johnny will never learn how to solve problems on his own. He will never learn how to take matters into his own hands and he will spend his life thinking that there will always be someone to come to his rescue, always someone to do the talking for him.

Our schools are concentrating more and more on social issues over academic issues. Administators are more concerned with making sure the children are all nice to each other than they are with passing test scores. Across the country, there are curriculums devoted to tolerance, multi culturalism, peace, environmental activism and self-esteem.

The Sudbury Valley School:

The Sudbury Valley School is a place where children are free.

Their natural curiosity is the starting point for everything that happens at the school.

Here, students initiate all their own activities. The staff, the plant, the equipment are there to answer their needs. Learning takes place in formal and informal settings, in large and small groups, or individually. All ages are free to mix at all times. The dynamics among students of different ages, helping each other learn about everything from human relations to math, is one of the greatest strengths of the school.

Students share responsibility for their own environment, and for the quality of life at school. The school is managed by the weekly School Meeting, where every student and staff member has a vote: an education at Sudbury Valley is also an education in hands-on democracy.

Where do the students learn about discipline, about respecting their elders and following rules, standards guidelines? How does this prepare them for the future when the world is not like this at all? Would you send your child to a school where the introduction to the institution mentions nothing about academics?

There's nothing wrong with being a free-thinker or raising your kids to be free thinking. I do it myself. But must we make schools evolve to the point where they are nothing but self-esteem factories? I do not send my children to school to learn social graces, peer mediation or making decisions regarding school policy.

Too many parents are willing to turn over the teaching of morals and social niceties to schools. They blame the school when their child is having social problems or esteem problems and expect the teachers to fix it up for them, and then they get angry that the teachers aren't spending enough time teaching the basics of academics.

Personally, I'd rather see my children graduatate from school having learned how to spell, read, write, and have basic math and science skills than have them graduate with a diploma in peace making skills, leaving them totally unemployable.

Teach your children well, yes. But teach them at home and let the schools get back to teaching how to follow rules and multiply fractions.

*do not take this post to mean that I think bullying should be tolerated; see this piece here for my take on bullying.

going underground

going underground

You think these may have something to do with my sense of fear?

FBI warns of spectacular attack
FBI: Threats to hospitals in four cities
U.S. braces for exection reprisals
Eurpopeans warn of terror attacks
U.S., Iraq may be nearing showdown
New York City headed for fiscal disaster not seen since the days of Abe Beame*

*OK, I made that headline up.

dream a little dream

dream a little dream

I woke up frightened and I'm sure it had something to do with my dreams. It was another of my post-apocolyptic dreams and Saddam was there and bin Laden was there an you were there!

So there I was, in the dark at 4am thinking about terrorism and war and and that war being played out on our soil, at least in part. I was thinking that some day one of those chilling terror warnings Ashcroft is so fond of is going to come true. I was feeling helpless. I went back to sleep and had some more dreams.

I can't gather my thoughts quite yet - I find it hard to shake off thos recurring nightmares that plague me. I need a shower and some strong coffee and a little time to gather my thoughts on why I am feeling paranoid. And then there's that whole state of education in America thing I want to get to, which leads me to feeling paranoid about the future.

For now, I want to ask you about your recurring dreams. Part of my dream last night was the one where my teeth start falling out. That happens a lot. The other recurring dreams I have are the typical school dreams (can't find locker/class/schedule) or the one where I have to go to the bathroom but I'm out in a public place and none of the bathroom stalls have doors. And since I was about five, I've been having the same dream about a plane crashing on my street. I am thankful for my lucid dreaming skills; I can usually manage to get out of the dream when it becomes too much or at least change the pattern of recurring dreams from time to time.

Do you have recurring dreams? Are they always the same? Do you ever have dreams that you just can't seem to shake off?

I'll get back to the blood thirsty rants on the state of the world in a bit. Humor me here.

November 14, 2002

for the children, episode 2

For the Children™., Episode 2: People kill People

A jury has awarded the widow of teacher Barry Grunow $1.2 million from a gun distributor.

Pam Grunow's lawsuit accused Valor Corp of distributing a gun that was "unsafe, defective and lacked features that would have prevented a minor from using it."

No word about suing anyone for distributing a parent that "would have prevented the minor from using a gun."

Pam Grunow's lawyer asked for $76 million. But the jury found gun distributor Valor Corporation 5 percent liable for Grunow's death. The owner of the gun and the school board held the most of the liability, the jury found.

The jury didn't find any liability for Nathanial Brazill, who pulled the trigger. Brazill stole the unloaded gun and bullets from a cookie tin stashed away in a dresser drawer of family friend Elmore McCray.

I find the jury guilty of complete idiocy. I find the mother of Nathanial Brazill guilty of raising a child who has such blatant disregard for human life. I find Nathanial Brazill guilty of, well...murder.

Let's just hang a sign on the door to the halls of justice that says "Out of Order."

YOU'RE out of order! YOU'RE out of order! THE WHOLE TRIAL is out of order!

for the children, episode 1

Let's call tonight's episode For The Children™..

Episode 1: The Berkeley Brigade

Pre-School Kids Protest Possible War in Iraq

Last winter I was watching a special on some cable channel about anti-abortion protesters. They interviewed a woman from California - a self professed "hippie" - who let out a stream of bile so thick it was pratically drooling down her chin. Her problem was not the protesters per se, but the fact that they had dragged their children out to protest with them. The children held signs of pregnant women with the word "killer" sprawled across their bellies. I agreed totally with this woman that the children were being used and programmed.

But I wonder now if that woman was among the Berekely protesters who brought their pre-schoolers out for a good old anit-war protest. There is no difference is there? Well, the ideology is different, the cause is different. But the end result: using and programming children to think in a specific manner.

Though most students at the rally could not even name Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, many seemed certain the pending U.S. led war in Iraq is about oil.

Celia, age 6, who could not spell her hyphenated last name, told the crowd President Bush "wants to make war because he wants oil.

Isn't that precious? I can imagine the talk at mommy and me groups in Berkeley: "Oh, Rainbow said her first words today! She said, 'it's about the oiiiiiiiillll!"

I have two children. I am raising them to think for themselves, to form their own opinions and to not be sheep amongst a flock. Never in a million years would it occur to me to indoctrinate my children into one of my causes or beliefs at such an early age - before they are able to form opinions of their own based on their own research.

Later, when asked if she could name the president of Iraq, Celia, stumped, turned to a friend and asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" Her friend, equally puzzled, responded, "I think it's a boy."

Noah, who declined to give his last name, also age six, asserted the looming war is not only about oil, but also "other things, like Bush wanting land."

"It is like us squashing ants," he said

There is not a shred of difference between these children holding signs that says "Bush is a bully" and the children who hold up signs adorned with pictures of fetuses and "baby killer" sprawled across them. And, sadly, there is not a shred of difference between the way these parents are using their children to further their own agenda.

And just what is that agenda? Apparently it has nothing to do with getting a real education:

The rally was organized through several Berkeley pre-schools that pride themselves on their alternative curriculum. At New School, academics are set aside for physical activities like yoga. And at Berkwood Hedge, a private K-5 school with 115 students, the curriculum focuses largely on issues of social justice. This year's theme at the school is peace. Students in after school programs at public elementary schools in the city also comprised the congregation of young peace protesters.

Looks like they are educating their kids to be party of the next generation of protesters and marchers. They sure aren't educating them to face the real world when they get out of school.

This is what they've been learning at school," she said. "They have been taught about conflict resolution, and here they see it in action. The kids get to wrestle with bigger questions."

Director of New School in Berkeley Susan Hagen said the children are "very concerned about what is going on in the world." "They don't want war. We teach them about talking, discussion, and negotiation."

But Skyler Johnson, 5, hadn't learned much about the conflict in Iraq. When he was asked who is the President of Iraq, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "My mom might know." After she came over and gave him a little coaching, he was able to muster, "We don't want war. Oil kills lots of people."

The children are "very concerned about what is going on in the world..

They are more concerned with pleasing their parents.

They have been taught about conflict resolution, and here they see it in action. The kids get to wrestle with bigger questions."

They are being trained to take over Indymedia when their parents get too old to carry on. The bigger questions? You mean like who is Saddam Hussein? Sure, the kids are learning an awful lot in school. Everything but the facts they need to form their own opinions.

Can we say exploitation? Good. I knew you could.

I bet you never thought you would see the day when Berekely protesters could be lumped into the same group as abortion protesters. But here it is.


So there's this 80's metal song - most likely a hair metal band - and the chorus goes "Just tell me what you waaaaaaaaant" and it's driving me crazy because I can't think of the band.

The dorkass guy in the comic book store was playing an acoustic live version of it and I really wanted to make fun of him.


*update* Question answered, thanks to the help of a former Long Islander, who recognized the lyrics from Long Island's oldest hair metal band, Zebra. Aahh, the memories.

say it with me, once again

say it....

Once again, I must repeat myself.


Muhammed Neifeh surrendered along with two other Fatah activists.

militant Islamic group Hamas

CNN has a way to circumvent the terrorist issue. They qualify all their statements regarding terrorist groups with the phrase branded a terrorist group by the U.S.

The Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, a militant offshoot of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat's Fatah movement branded a terrorist group by the U.S., had claimed responsibility for the kibbutz attack.

Hamas, a Palestinian Islamic fundamentalist organization, has been labeled by the U.S. State Department as a terrorist organization

Another interesting note is that in a 21 paragraph story whose main subject is the capture of a terrorist who murdered a mother and her two young sons (the title of the story is, after all, Israel: Kibbutz attack suspect arrested), seven paragraphs are about the actual arrest and murder. Just sayin'.

tits of war

You may now refer to me by my new title, Tits of War, also know as the evil, bloodthirsty, breast having, warblogging trollop .

The hell with the PTA and their offer of making the Environmental Committee Chairperson. They wouldn't appreciate a good cleavage shot if the nipples were pointed right at them.

I've had a lot of coffee today.

And where the hell are all my commenters today? Did I say you could have a day off?

And my Sullivan Number is 2.

You would be surprised at how much real work I got done today in between all this nonsense.

lefty news

I guess the Democrats still don't realize that this past election was all about courting the moderates, because they still are entrenched in their love affair with the far left.

spread em

spread em

I love when a high-brow, well thought out idea of mine takes off in the world of academia. Ok, that never happened. But one of my really perverted ideas has taken off in the world of blogs. Remember the Cunnilingus Fairy?

It seems a bit of hate mail has caused Neal of Random Nuclear Strikes to ponder changing the name of his blog. Well, just go read the post. It's funnier than Michael Jackson's new face.

The Cunnilingus Fairy blog.

bang bang

bang bang

Which Firearm are you?
brought to you byStan Ryker

No idea what this gun is capable of, but it sure looks cool. I think I may be dangerous. Or treacherous. Or maybe I just look cool but I'm really just a pussy. Come on all you gun nuts, tell me what this gun does.


I'd like to say something on the subject of commenting for the sake of self-linking: I encourage it. If you have posted something on the same subject I have, please (if you don't have trackback capabilities) by all means leave a comment with a link. Yes, even if your view opposes mine. I'm not an ogre, really.

I was going to add Michael Jackson to my list of subject to tackle today, but Laurence saved me the trouble. Head over there and give him a caption.

points on poindexter

points on poindexter

Peat asked that I tackle Poindexter first and it seems like a good idea.

You are A Suspect by William Safire, NYT Nov. 14

If the Homeland Security Act is not amended before passage, here is what will happen to you:

Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend — all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as "a virtual, centralized grand database."

To this computerized dossier on your private life from commercial sources, add every piece of information that government has about you — passport application, driver's license and bridge toll records, judicial and divorce records, complaints from nosy neighbors to the F.B.I., your lifetime paper trail plus the latest hidden camera surveillance — and you have the supersnoop's dream: a "Total Information Awareness" about every U.S. citizen.

This is not some far-out Orwellian scenario. It is what will happen to your personal freedom in the next few weeks if John Poindexter gets the unprecedented power he seeks.

Everyone - members of the Loony left, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and all people in between - should be frightened at the prospect of Poindexter's dreams coming true.

I don't trust Poindexter. You shouldn't either. Why should we trust a man who was convicted of conspiracy, lying and frauding the government? Why should we trust the man who destroyed evidence in the Iran Contra scandal? Yes, the convictions were overturned, but only because he was granted immunity. It doesn't mean he was not guilty of those things.

Now this man is Director of the Pentagon's Information Awareness Office. He has taken "homeland security" to new heights, translating that phrase to mean "We have the right to know all."

Poindexter represents the dark side in an administration that is trying hard be the good guys. He is Darth Vader; a mouth-breathing, bitter, control freak who is probably rubbing his hands together in glee at the thought of having a database full of previously private information.

It bothers me as it is to know that when I return something to Target, I don't need a receipt because a quick swipe of my debit card through their machine will tell them everything I have ever purchased there. It bothers me that there are people who think they should have the right to know what books I check out at the local library. It bothers me that our most private information is going to play a starring role in Poindexter's wet dream.

From a speech Poindexter gave on August 2, 2002:

Total Information Awareness - a prototype system -- is our answer. We must be able to detect, classify, identify, and track terrorists so that we may understand their plans and act to prevent them from being executed. To protect our rights, we must ensure that our systems track the terrorists, and those that mean us harm.

IAO programs are focused on making Total Information Awareness - TIA -- real. This is a high level, visionary, functional view of the world-wide system - somewhat over simplified. One of the significant new data sources that needs to be mined to discover and track terrorists is the transaction space. If terrorist organizations are going to plan and execute attacks against the United States, their people must engage in transactions and they will leave signatures in this information space. This is a list of transaction categories, and it is meant to be inclusive. Currently, terrorists are able to move freely throughout the world, to hide when necessary, to find sponsorship and support, and to operate in small, independent cells, and to strike infrequently, exploiting weapons of mass effects and media response to influence governments. We are painfully aware of some of the tactics that they employ. This low-intensity/low-density form of warfare has an information signature. We must be able to pick this signal out of the noise. Certain agencies and apologists talk about connecting the dots, but one of the problems is to know which dots to connect. The relevant information extracted from this data must be made available in large-scale repositories with enhanced semantic content for easy analysis to accomplish this task. The transactional data will supplement our more conventional intelligence collection.

I am all for using technology to capture terrorists - especially if that technology will enable the terrorists to be caught before they are able to put their plans into motion. What I am not for is the government using the country's fear of terrorism as a guise to spy on every one of its citizens.

If the Homeland Security Act passes as it is written now, we are in danger of losing every privacy we know. This is not conspiracy theory talk. Look at the act. Look at Poindexter's speech. Look at Poindexter's history. Do you trust this man? More importantly, do you trust him with your most private information?

I have nothing to hide, but I don't feel the need to share the nothing I have to hide, either. No one needs to know what I am reading. Nor do they need to take what I am purchasing or listening to out of context. Connecting the dots in the wrong order can often result in ridiculous illustrations.

Glenn Reynolds has quite a few links regarding this subject, including a link to an article he wrote on what we should be doing instead.

Notes to self

Notes to self

Issues to follow up on today while procrastinating about the huge pile of work on my desk:

Follow-up on Tora! Tora! Tora! story.


Pre-school kids protesting war

The ridiculousness that early childhood parenting has become (for Raising Hell)

How much I hate the self-esteem movement in schools.

Leave more comments on Kathy's blog so she gets rid of the ugly, putrid pink.

Take this firearm test so I can further my agenda for being one scary bitch.

Add Nikita to my blogroll.(which I can't do at work because my browser will not accept URLs with underscores)

Pick out a sultry, sexy birthday present for a sultry, sexy lady.

Justin's theory that bin Laden has been in the U.S. since pre-9/11, holed up in a hotel room in San Fransisco, decorated to look like a cave.

That should take up most of my day. Feel free to ignore this post, unless you have something you think I should be doing that is not on the list.

santa gets blackmailed. again

santa gets blackmailed. again.

I'm long overdue for my annual letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

First of all, thanks ever so much for fulfilling last year's wishes. NOT. I mean, those things were not too hard for a magical all-powerful guy like you to conjure up.

One year later, radio still sucks, bin Laden is still annoying the hell out of us and Ben Affleck is still making movies. That's three strikes, Santa. Although I did get that nifty Star Wars Lego set, that really doesn't make up for the fact that California has not fallen into the ocean yet. (To my California friends - that wish was under the stipulation that you all had time to escape).

So here we are a year later, and I still haven't used my blackmail card. I still have those pictures of you in a delicate position with Mrs. Frost, and still have the tape where Ralphie the Elf says "Santa, I don't want to play Priest and altar boy anymore!" So please, pay attention. Here is my 2002 Christmas list. You have until midnight, December 25, 2002 to comply with all these wishes or you will find yourself strapped to one of the missiles that is pointed at Iraq.

2002 Christmas List

  • I would like all people who have no sense of humor or irony to suddenly lose their internet connections.
  • I want to win Dodd's caption contest at least three times in the coming year.
  • I want Helen Thomas to lose her voice permanently.
  • Can you do something about Michael Jackson? A permanent bag over his head or something?
  • Cause untold pain and suffering to this guy.
  • Lobotomies for people who think the sky is falling, the world is ending, all women will be forced to wear veils and cameras will be implanted in your brain all because the Republicans are in control.
  • Eric Lindros naked in my bed.
  • A Woody Harrelson dart board
  • A Michael Moore pinata (stolen blatantly from the comments at RWN)
  • The head of Barbra Streisand on a platter

You know, Santa, I'm not anywhere near done yet. I still haven't gotten to the action figures and comic books and DVDs. Get those elves busy making my list come true, or Mrs. Santa is going to get quite a surprise under the tree this year, in the form of very revealing tape and pictures.

And while I'm at it, being that I am the most blood thirsty warblogger on the planet, and that should come with some power, I hereby command you to also give to my minions and readers whatever is they want for Christmas, also.

Thank you.

November 13, 2002

Ok, which one of you

Ok, which one of you hid my tv remote?

i lost a day somewhere

i lost a day somewhere

I've been out most of the day. I didn't watch any news or read any blogs or check out any headlines. I listened to about two minutes of Hannity on the car radio before they launched into a seven hour commercial break and I switched to music.

I don't know what pisses me off more - whiny leftists or shitty rock radio.

So here I am, 8:00 at night and woefully behind the times on Saddam and bin Laden and smallpox. I missed that brush with a presidential threat entirely.

However, I did get to see Natalie's teachers and it wasn't at all horrible and it wasn't at all rave reviews, but when you have a child that has been in and out of special ed most of her school career, you take that in between and you learn to love it and be proud of it.

Now, about that other petulant child.

This is the time when the news outlets that are so fond of quotation marks/scare quotes when talking about "terrorism" and "terrorists" should be putting those grammatical tools to good use.

For instance, this paragraph:

In New York, Iraq's ambassador to the United Nations, Mohammad Al-Douri, delivered a letter of acceptance to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, telling reporters that it said, "Iraq will not have any mass destruction weapons. So we are not worried about the inspectors when they will be back in the country. Iraq is clean."

Should have read like this:

In New York, Iraq's ambassador to the United Nations, Mohammad Al-Douri, delivered a letter of "acceptance" to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, telling reporters that it said, "Iraq will not have any "mass destruction weapons". So we are not worried about the inspectors when they will be back in the country. Iraq is 'clean.'"

Now, let's look at this letter.

Assalamu Alaykum

Isn't that what Mike Tyson said before he threatened to eat his opponent's children?

You may recall the huge clamor fabricated by the President of the United States administration, in the biggest and most wicked slander against Iraq, supported in malicious intent, and spearheaded in word and malevolence, by his lackey Tony Blair, when they disseminated the claim that Iraq had perhaps produced, or was on its way to produce, nuclear weapons, during the time when the United Nations inspectors had been absent from Iraq since 1998.

My goodness! Is that any way to speak to someone who is trying to give you a chance to redeem yourself?

Translation: Liar, Liar, pants on fire!

Then they returned to stress that Iraq had, in fact produced chemical and biological weapons. They both know, as well as we do, and so can other countries, that such fabrications are baseless.

Once again, Liar, Liar pants on fire!

But does the knowledge of the truth constitute elements for interaction in the politics of our day, which has witnessed the unleashing of the American administration's evil to its fullest extent, dashing all hope in any good? Indeed, is there any good to be goped for, or expected, from the American administrations, now that they have been transformed by their own greed, by Zionism as well as by other known factors, in the tyrant of the age.

Translation: It's America's fault. And Israel's fault. Classic passive aggressiveness.

He must have been hanging out with Woody and Sarandon recently. I think that last line is code for it's all about the ooooooiiiiiillllllllllllllllll.

Ok, let's move down to the last part because I'm really tired and I'm sure quite a few bloggers have covered this terroritory today.

Please assume your responsibilities, by saying and advising the unfair people that their unfairness to Muslims, faithful Arabs, and to all, will be of dire consequences, and that God, the almighty, is capable of doing everything. Tell them that the proud Iraqi people are faithful and Mujahid and who had fought the old colonialism, imperialism and aggression, including the tyrant's aggression, for years and years. The price this courageous people paid to safeguard their independence, dignity, sublime principles was rivers of blood, with a lot of deprivation and loss of their riches, along with their eternal achievements and record of which they are proud. Therefore we hope you will, Mr. Secretary General, advise the ignorants not to push things to the precipice, in the implementation, because the people of Iraq will not choose to live at the price of their dignity, country, freedom or sanctities, and they would rather make their lives the price if that was the only way to safeguard what they must safeguard.

Translation: If you attack us, you'll make the baby Jesus cry.

Yea, I know. I should have stuck to talking about boobies or coffee or something that did not require brain power.

I was going to tackle the story about the Bishops coming out against the war, but Ken Layne had the first and last words on this subject:

AP headline: "U.S. Roman Catholic Bishops Agree to Draft That Will Likely Oppose Invading Iraq for Now."

How about a draft that will likely oppose invading young boys' asses?

Why do I even bother?

By the way, I still maintain that despite Saddam's maniacal rantings and subterfuge disguised as acceptance, his resplendent presidential palaces will be nothing but ash and rubble come December.



Busy, busy day. Middle school parent/teacher conferences suck the life out of you - in shifts. I've done one shift and now I'm headed back for another round of "your daughter is so bright but...."

A couple of comments and I'll be back later with a new barrage of idiots to attack.

1. Nick and Raven: I have changed my locks and hired a bodyguard. But I'll give him the day off if you want to meet for Krispy Kreme and coffee one afternoon. Ok, maybe tequila and fajitas one night.

2. Taco got it right as to why I added in those IMDB summaries: look at the parallels.

3. I'll deal with the assclown from Australia later.

4. Carnival of the Vanities #8 is up. I forgot to send something in, but obviously they don't need me. It gets better every week, and so far this is the best issue yet.

Ok, time to deal with the English teacher who thinks standardized tests determine a child's entire future life.

over sensitivity

over sensitivity

When does one cross the line from sensitivity to downright idiocy?

(brought to my attention by Blogs of War)

It was going to be a night to remember. Ushers dressed in World War II military uniforms, vintage cars pulling up to the curb, Pearl Harbor survivors and a recently restored 1940s military searchlight would be on hand Dec. 7 to greet the crowds at a special anniversary showing of “Tora! Tora! Tora!” at San Pedro’s historic Warner Grand Theatre.

The 1970 film — a joint American and Japanese production — is considered one of the most accurate depictions of events leading up to the 1941 Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor. Expected to attract hundreds, the showing on the 61st anniversary of the attack was to serve as a fund-raiser for the Fort MacArthur Military Museum in San Pedro.

But now the show is off. [emphasis added]

I'll give you three guesses why the show is off. First two don't count.

“I wanted to be very sensitive to the Japanese-American community,” Hahn said. “Dec. 7 is a tough day, especially for the second and third generations of Japanese-Americans. Why do we want to do something that makes it more difficult?”

This country has gone so far off the edge in attempts at political correctness that it sometimes borders on reverse insensitivity.

The number of veterans of World War II still with us is dwindling every year. Would it be too much to show "sensitivity" to the veterans of this war and to their families without letting the melodrama of victimization get in the way?

December 7 is a tough day for a lot of people.

On December 7, 1941, Japanese planes attacked the United States Naval Base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii Territory killing more than 2,300 Americans. The U.S.S. Arizona was completely destroyed and the U.S.S. Oklahoma capsized. The attack sank three other ships and damaged many additional vessels. More than 180 aircraft were destroyed. [emphasis added]

Spokespeople for both the theater and the city are backpedaling now, citing booking problems and a myriad of other excuses as the reasons why the event has been cancelled. Regardless, Los Angeles City Councilwoman Janice Hahn is still credited with the above quotes.

She is concerned about making the day "even more difficult" for members of the Japanese-American community, but she has no problems with making the day more difficult for those Americans who have an emotional need to commemorate that day. How sensitive is she to the Pearl Harbor survivors who were hoping to attend the event?

You can email Ms. Hahn to let her know how outraged you are at her words and actions at hahn@council.lacity.org.

On an interesting side note, IMDB has two summaries for the move Tora! Tora! Tora! on its site.

In 1941 the Japanese are at odds with the United States on a number of issues which they are attempting to resolve via their Washington embassy. In case this diplomacy fails, the military are hatching plans for a surprise early Sunday morning air attack on the U.S. base at Pearl Harbour. American intelligence is breaking the Japanese diplomatic messages but few high-ups are prepared to believe that an attack is likely, let alone where or how it might come.


In the summer of 1941, the United States and Japan seem on the brink of war after constant embargos and failed diplomacy come to no end. "Tora! Tora! Tora!", named after the Japanese phrase to commence an attack, covers the days leading up to the attack on Pearl Harbor, which plunged America into the Second World War.

I'm not going to explain why I put the above summaries up, I'll just say that it has nothing to do with the movie theater story. Just read them and think about it.

November 12, 2002


It's been a rather exhausting and aggravating day and I'm about to make it end by hitting the pillow. I was only able to return about three emails before my eyes started rolling in back of my head. I'm getting to all of you, really.

What I wanted to say is please do me a favor and go over to Arthur's place and read this post. Arthur is a personal hero of mine, for many reasons. Go. Read.

And if it's any consolation, the cigarette tasted like shit and did nothing for me. I think I'll stick to tequila.

the price of freedom

I didn't forget about the pro-war jingle contest. I'll be announcing the winner tomorrow.

the price of freedom

It occurred to me today that this is getting serious. Every day we are getting closer and closer to a real war. Although today's vote by the Iraqi Parliament had about as much meaning as a mime doing opera, it still brought an air of urgency to the whole matter.

I don't want a war. I don't sit here rooting for Saddam to give us the middle finger so we can launch an all-out blitz on Iraq. But I do feel it is necessary. I do think it is what we have to do to assure the future of this country, this planet, still exists.

People will die. Soldiers will go to Iraq to defend freedom and they will not come home. It will be a fearful time and a sad time, but one thing it will not be is a time to stage protests and start a counter-revolution.

The protesters of the Vietnam War did not stop the war. They only succeeded in making it a failure. We cannot let that happen again. We cannot turn the tide of war against us.

I don't want bloodshed. I don't want death. I only want freedom. Freedom in our future, freedom for the people of Iraq, freedom from oppressive, dangerous, barbaric dictators.

The imminent war against Iraq is just a battle. The complete war, the whole show, is the war on terrorism. They are all part of each other. Until we wipe out every group that is waging a jihad against democracy and freedom, we have not won. I am talking about the groups for whom killing 3,000 people is not enough. Groups for whom good parenting means strapping a machine gun to your child when he is five and teaching him how to hate.

Hatred grows like a disease. It spreads and strengthens and multiplies until it smothers anything trying to stifle it. And when that hatred is taught in tandem with violence, it becomes a cancer that knows how to do nothing but kill.

I know that war is violence. I know that war means death for some. But our reasons for violence are different than that of a terrorist or tyrant. Our reasons for death are not gratuitous; they are not borne out of hatred. They are borne out of defense, out of protection, out of wanting the future to be free of falling skyscrapers and exploding buses.

The reasons to wage war are often more urgent than the reasons to not wage war.

Perhaps it will not come down to war at all. But if it does, I am going to stand behind our soldiers as they go out to protect the freedoms that we hold dear. Yes, those freedoms include the right to shout down those who support the battle. But please, just remember who won that freedom for you.

bad day at blog rock

bad day at blog rock

You've all made the baby Jesus cry.

More importantly, you made me smoke.

Bad bloggers. Bad, bad bloggers.


Ok, it really wasn't you guys that made me smoke. It was the little shit in the supermarket that tripped me and the cashier who moved slower than David Wells running out to the mound.

But it was you that made baby Jesus cry. Say you're sorry.

all you need is...love?

all you need is....love?

I think there is a conspiracy afoot to keep me from enjoying my blood-thirsty award.

I have things to attend to and I won't be back until later tonight. If anyone else turns their blog into a love-fest with pink hearts and kittens and puppies, there will be hell to pay.

Oscar, try not to hog up all my bandwidth with your comments while I'm gone, ok?

i am the power!


The meek shall fear me and the dead shall walk the earth, for I have won the Bloody-Hungry Warblogger Contest!

All bow before me in my greatness and feel humbled at my feet. Oceans will rise and mountains will crumble as I bark my order to you feeble underlings!

I'd like to thank my mentor, Stacy, who taught me everything I know about kicking the anger up a notch, and everyone who voted for me. This (sniff) has got the be the proudest day of my life (sniff).

To everyone I promised oral sex, money or my comic book collection to, you're shit out of luck. I'm not just a blood-hungry hawk. I'm a scheming, lying blood-hungry hawk.

Ok, maybe the oral sex, but you can't have my comics.

Thanks, Bill, for running this contest and destroying my reputation as a loving, gentle human being.

(no babies, kittens or bloggers were harmed in the winning of this contest)

memories in print

memories in print

Out of the Blue: The Story of September 11, 2001, from Jihad to Ground Zero. By Richard Bernstein and the staff of the New York Times.

From pages 150-154, quotes by my father and his co-worker and friend Pete McCarthy, about their former colleague and close friend, Peter J. Ganci:

"Firefighters, the good ones anyway, live to do a good job at the right places - that's all you want to do," said Angelo Catalano, a firefighter who served in the same company as Ganci when both of them were young. "And Pete hated the guys who were skaters."

"Some officers who rise in the ranks have never paid their dues," Catalano said. "You see guys running the show who really don't understand. But Pete paid his dues."

Ganci was the kind of guy that all the other guys wanted to be photographed with. His old collegues at Ladder 124, where he first made his reputation, had bragging rights because they had served with "The Chief" when he was a mere lieutenant. When Gancie went to the national fire chiefs' conclaves in other cities, he was treated like a movie star. "It was as if God himself walked in the door," Catalano said......Firemen see their ladder and engine companies and their rescue squads as their families. "You're close when you fight a fire," McCarthy said. "You'd rather see yoruself hurt than the guy next to you, honestly." And Pete, in this sense, was the perfect familly man.

Looking forward to his retirement, Ganci and [his wife] Kathleen bought a condominium in Florida and they expected to begin using it soon. Ganci planned to play a lot of golf at the nearby East Lake Woodlands Country Club. But up to September 11, Ganci, busy as always, had nevef once visited it. On [one] Sunday when he went clamming with [colleague] Dan Nickola, he was debating with himself about the future, knowing that he wanted to keep going as a firefighter a bit longer, while his family wanted him to retire. But two days later, on September 11, he was up early, as always, and off to work.

I'm in the middle of reading this book. Just thought I would share.

bucket o' hugs

bucket o' hugs

Blogger Bizzaro World present: Hugs not Thugs!

Perhaps Juan could use on of these to cuddle.

No, what about this?

scary images courtesty of Brent at The Ville.

So I'm listening to Pantera's Mouth for War and for some reason it keeps playing in my head as Blogs of War.

Which, when you think about it....

I feel a conquering will down inside me
The strength of many to crush
Who might stop me
My strength is in number
And my soul lies in every one
The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun

Sounds like me on a bad day, no?

Watching the left so you don't have to

Watching the left so you don't have to

Today's Tin Foil Hat Awards:

1. I think someone has been watching too much Pinky and The Brain.

It recently came to light that a political advertisement for George W. Bush subliminally flashed the word “RATS” when criticizing Al Gore’s prescription medicine plan.2 Bush and Republican ad-maker Alex Castellanos denied that the quickly flashed word was a subliminal message designed to surreptitiously sling mud at Gore. Many others, however, concluded that “RATS” was indeed inserted with the intention of secretly causing viewers’ to associate vermin with Al Gore.

I see this incident as just one more example of how we as individuals, and as a society, have become dangerously comfortable with the government’s encroachments into the autonomy of our thoughts and mental processes.

That's what the tin foil hat is for, honey. So they can't read your brain waves and control you all the way from the White House. Oh...can't you hear them now? They're telling you to flap your wings and act like a chicken!

2. From Democratic Underground:

in light of this election, is it safe to be registered on DU? I've often wondered if I should have registered here and thus identified myself as an active liberal. Are they going to round us up in the night and shoot us? Are we going to get anthrax letters? The point is, they could, and no one would care. The media would report our massacre as a terrorist attack and/or a shrewd Bush tactic to protect the country's freedom. So, should I protect myself by not doing anything which might identify me as part of the loyal opposition? Do we really believe that the right wouldn't kill us if they could? And when they realize they can, don't you think they will?

Yes, and then they are going to take your first born child and peform brain experimentation on it, but not before impregnating your mother with the seed of the aliens that are kept in the secret storeroom underneath the White House.

The new mantra of the far left: The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Jackass of the Evening Award to the fucknozzle(c) who posted this gem at Democratic Underground:

God's giving it to us like we deserve...a country that votes in a war-hungry government is now getting it's just rewards. Take THAT Ohio...you too Alabama...here's some for you Tennessee.

If God was giving it to you like you deserve, a fierce wind would blow a huge chunk of plywood straight up your ass.

And today's inductee into the TinFoil Hat Hall of Fame:

Bill Moyers, congratulations!

what are words for?

what are words for?

I've been doing this weblog thing for almost two years. One of the nicest offshoots of this has been the friends I made and the community I've become a part of.

As within any community, there will always be different factions who go off to their separate little corners, making a sort of enclave for themselves and never venturing outside of it. Instead of embracing the differences and diversity that make up the community as a whole, they reject those differences and split the community into jagged little pieces, so it becomes more of war-torn area, complete with land mines and sneak attacks.

Let me digress for a second. In high school, I was one of those people who did not belong to a certain group. Some days I hung out with the jocks, some days I hung out with the burn-outs, and most days I hung out with no one, sort of flitting between groups, bumming a cigarette here and a ride there. It's not so much that I was a girl without a home as I was a girl with several homes.

It's the same way for me in the blogging world. I've made my mark as a "warblogger" or politcal blogger recently, but I am also emotionally invested in bloggers who have no interest in the war blogging or political community. I find that no matter what the main focus of a certain group is, there will always be that one person within the group - or more than one person - who will take it upon themselves to claim that the group isn't existing for the right purposes, behaving in the right manner or in general, behaving according to their wants and needs.

This is the thing about blogging; it is personal. What comes out of a person's mind and onto a computer screen is owned by that person. Whether they want to write about war or kittens or pollution or art is completely up to them. While the content and the general tone of what they write may be up for grabs as far way in which the words were put out there, the subject matter should not be open to discussion by anyone else.

If I want to write about war and you don't want to read it, that's fine. Just don't read it. If someone you know feels the need to write about the pain of divorce and you don't really give a shit about it, again, don't read it. But don't ridicule what a person chooses to put out there. Why are there some people who feel they can determine what the weblogging community should be writing about? Is there an unwritten code for bloggers that I am unaware of? Thou shalt not write about anything controversial. Thou shalt keep the weblog content limited to the entertainment world and fluff news.

Bullshit. Before you get your panties in a bunch and call me self-obsessed, let me assure you I am not talking about myself here. I'm talking about at least three separate instances I read about this week where a blogger was taken to task for their content or how they went about that content or whether or not they thought their content was worth putting a tip jar on their site for.

This is a job for some people. A job for which you do not get paid. I, for one, put a lot of time into my weblog. I do it because I want to, becaues I enjoy it and because some day I hope to make a living by transferring what is in my head to a hardcover book prominently displayed on the shelf of a book store. Sure, it's probably a pipe dream, but it's a pipe dream that's been a part of me for thirty years so I'm sure not going to let go of it now, not when I have the means to get my words out there to an audience. Yes, it's a non-paying audience, but if someone was going to offer to pay me for the time and effort I put into this site, even if it was $5, I'm not going to complain or turn it down.

But that's neither here nor there. I just find it hard to believe that there are people who would spend any amount of time and effort not only on their own weblog, but on the comments of other blogs, basically calling the efforts of anyone who is different from them stupid. Warblogs are stupid. People who have tip jars are stupid. People who use their blogs to get help or assistance for a friend, even if that help is in the form of making sure that person does not spend a holiday alone, are stupid.

The person who really got me going was someone who wrote a little rant about how much she hates warbloggers (her prerogative), how warbloggers are the lowest form of life on the food chain (like I haven't been called that before), and then asked the question "do bloggers in general actually feel like they are contributing to anything?"

Well, yes. Besides the fact that I think I am contributing to my overall sanity by venting here every day, I think there are many bloggers who have contributed to me in many ways. They have contributed to my life, which is in and of itself a great thing. There were bloggers at my wedding. I have not only cried and laughed with other bloggers but I have learned so much from them. I have been inspired and awed by the stories some bloggers have told. I have gotten lessons in politics, in business, history and math. Yes, math. I have learned things I thought I would never understand and become interested in subjects I never thought I would care about.

This person also left this comment in the blog of a friend of mine:

i absolutely hate what blogging has become. it's all "ooh, vote for me for this" or "hey, send me money so i can go out and party with my friends" and the always popular and ever-so-dreaded "hey, let's talk about the WAR!"

i've been really vocal about my disgust for other bloggers lately. maybe i should try being kind? but they're all such assholes! :)

So what is that she wants us to write about? Oh, wait, I get it. We should all, the thousands and thousands of us bloggers out here, write only what she cares about, only the things that interest her. Because if we don't, we are assholes.

This is what happens when a community divides. The people who have gone off to their little corner of the world always insist that everyone else are the assholes.

I have news for them. Blogging is a personal thing. Just because someone wants to write about the war and you think the war is a big, bad thing, that does not make that person an asshole. What makes you an ass is when you assume that everyone should be just like you and conform to your way of thinking and talk about only the things you want to hear and if they don't you dismiss them as stupid. That, my dear, is the definition of an asshole.

If you look at my links list, just run through a couple of sites on it, you can see all kinds of people represented. People who write about music and people who who are liberals and people who write slash fiction about boy bands in addition to blogging. There are women, men, teenagers and grandparents. I try not to surround myself with people who think only like me or want only the same things I want because if you do that, you build a wall around yourself and you will never see past that wall. That in turn makes you closed minded.

This weblog is the heart and soul of me. Everything I am is in here. Sure, I write about war and politics often, but I also write about my children and my job and music and movies. Yes, I spend a lot of time saying "vote for me for this!" or "contribute money to this!" but that's part of what a community is about; having fun and helping others. If you can do them both at the same time that makes it even better. To dismiss someone's effort to make another person feel good is pretty low. And to dismiss someone's dream of getting paid for what they do here is even worse, especially when you could not put forth the knowledge and empathy in seventeen pages that some people can put out in one sentence.

If you want to say "it's only blogging, get a grip," then say it to yourself. For me, and for countless others, it's not only blogging. It's a transference of all that his happening around them and inside of them into words. That's a pretty heavy thing to be putting out there every day just so some dipshit with a keyboard can ridicule it. But we do it anyhow, because those dipshits will years from now still be writing about what they had for dinner while some others will be writing words that are prominently displayed in a bookstore.

Foran even tastier rant on this subject please see:

November 11, 2002

crack ho

Some days you feel like you are talking to a wall. Some days the wall talks back to you.

That's when you put down the crack pipe and go to bed.

pass the tylenol

pass the tylenol

I owe a lot of people email today. It's coming. See, I have an excuse. I had anywhere up to ten boys walking in and out of this house all day, playing video games, watching movies, wrecking the place and making a lot of noise. Three of them are still here, including my two year old nephew who is in serious need of a diaper change.

I went through a box of fruit roll ups, two large pizzas, two liters of soda, three bags of chips, two viewings of Nightmare Before Christmas, a roll of paper towels, a full dishwasher load, two tantrums, one fight and most of my sanity.

Today is day 15 of the non smoking campaign. If someone doesn't get to the liquor store and buy me a huge bottle of tequila quick, it's going to be the end of my non-smoking days.

Can you say nervous breakdown? I thought you could.


So tell me something. Why does a chick who can shoot ping pong balls out of her pussy get more respect than a woman who can run a business, raise a family, change a tire, tell you what an offsides is in hockey, write a novel, split atoms, get elected to Congress or shoot a freaking nine pound baby out of the same exact place?

Daily Pundit no more? Let's

Daily Pundit no more? Let's hope Bill's just going through a bad phase and he'll change his mind.

play nice

play nice

Two rules for this blog that need mentioning, as someone has broken them:

There are three circusmtances under which I will ban your IP from here. First, if you are threatening to another commenter. Second, if you are complete jackass who has nothing of value to say, yet you keep saying it twenty times a day.

Third, and this is most important because some person (ahem, peat) broke both part of this rule in one week. You do not make fun of either the Green Bay Packers or Faith no More on this space. Both are punishable by banning of IP, torture, death, or all of the above, torture being administered in a long, drawn out session reminiscent of Reservoir Dogs.

Pay attention to the rules, kids or you will find my footprint all over your ass.

Thank you.

two minutes to midnight

two minutes to midnight

The Iraq parliament has been expressing its anger on the U.N. resolution which threatens possible military action if Iraq does not disarm.

They said the inspections order was unworkable, it imposed "impossible demands" on Iraq, and that it was mostly a plan to launch a U.S. strike on Iraq.

Gee, ya think?

[h]ead of the international relations committee, Salim al-Kubaisi, said his committee would recommend rejection of the resolution.

"The committee recommends the following: the rejection of the Security Council resolution 1441 and not to approve it in accordance with the opinion of our people who put confidence in their representatives," al-Kubaisi told parliament.

He also recommended the parliament refer the final decision to the Revolutionary Command Council "to take the appropriate decision to defend the people of Iraq, their independence and dignity."

Well, let's see. The Iraqi people don't have independence and, through no fault of their own, very little dignity. And I do believe that they would not be defending the people of Iraq so much as defending only what lies behind the walls of the royal castles.

Oh, this point:

White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card, speaking on NBC's "Meet the Press," added: "The U.N. can meet and discuss, but we don't need their permission" before taking military action."

So when do we start?

best spam ever

My Veteran's Day post is here.


A baby doll with your face on it!


I can't stop staring at the baby-man. He's hypnotizing me. Stare into his eyes.

I think he's doing the pee-pee dance.

I'm thinking photoshop contest here. What about you?

Must. Avert. Eyes.

raising hell: holiday memories


Eating, drinking, puking, acting like idiots. The basis for all family holiday traditions around here. Read my new piece, Special Holiday Memories, at Raising Hell.

Also at Raising Hell Question of the Week: Aunt Harriet's Jello Mold: Thanksgiving Recipe Disasters

Update: Dr. Weevil is today's guest author on Raising Hell!

Veteran's Day 2002

image courtesy of veteran's day national center: http://www.va.gov/vetsday/

The following bloggers are veterans or are currently serving in the armed forces. Please stop by their sites today and say thank you.

CG Hill
Rev. Sensing
Michael Wagner
GI Party
(If you know of any others to add to this list, please leave their names and URLs in the comments)

If you haven't already, please read A World War II Veteran's Story over at South Knox Bubba.

I did my Veteran's Day post a little early this year, but I will repeat it here for those who didn't see it the first time:

in defense of freedom

If you'll notice, I put a link under my graphic up top. The link leads to a page where you can fill out a form to say thank you to a member of the military. This is National Military Appreciation month; Monday is Veteran's Day.

I have always been appreciative of the military. Even back in my (near)liberal days, I never took the side of those who called members of our military killers or murderers. It always struck me as ironic that these people would gather by the hundreds to denounce a military action, completely oblivious to the fact that were in not for the men and women who have served this country since a military was first formed, they would not have that freedom to be standing there shouting their dissent.

No matter how much I have complained about this country, I always respected the fact that I have the right to complain.That's one of the things that makes the United States of America so great. You have the right to make an ass out of yourself in public. You have the right to hold up signs or shout slogans or sing songs at the front gate of the White House.

No matter how you feel about the impending war on Iraq, the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, the constitution, the pledge, our laws, our rules and regulations, you should take the time out to thank your lucky stars that our military has won for you the ability to say all those things suck. You could be staring down the face of a dictatorship right now. You could be in a country ruled by fear, where torture is a daily occurence and people are stoned to death for speaking out.

Don't you dare refute the above statements. You may shout out your rhetoric and paint the leaders of this country with whatever broad brush you are using, but this is not a dictatorship. This is not a country ruled by fear. You will not be stoned to death for marching on Washington. You will not be shot on sight because you had the misfortune of being raped and that makes you just as much of a crimnal as your rapist.

You can sit in front of your thousand dollar computer on your comfortable chair, sipping your fresh brewed coffee and listening to your incredible collection of cds and bitch and moan all you want about how this country oppresses you.

The fact of the matter is, you are damn lucky to be living here. You are damn lucky to live in a place where soldiers don't break down your door in the middle of the night and kill you because of your religion. You are damn lucky to live in a country where you can get on a bus without a very real fear of it blowing up before you reach your destination. You are very fortunate to live in a place that affords you the freedom to be whatever you want to be, where you future is decided by your choices and actions alone.

Yes, I have ripped this country to shreds before, right here on this page. But I have always ended those rants with the caveat that I would never want to live anywhere else, that this is the greatest damned country in the world and I am incredibly thankful that America is my home.

I know where my freedom comes from. I know it comes from the blood of every soldier who ever battled in a war for this country. I know it comes from great loss and great tragedy. I know that from the Revolutionary war on up, many, many people have died or put themselves on the line so I can have the right to live my life in a free country.

I am forever thankful to those people. No matter how you feel about our president or his policies or any leader that came before him, you should be thankful, too. If not, you don't deserve the freedom that all those soldiers have afforded you.

Click this link. Show your thanks.

Thank you to all the veterans and current members of the armed forces. You are appreciated.

November 10, 2002

blessed are the......bottle throwers?

blessed are the......bottle throwers?

They tell us that violence is abhorent. They tell us that we can solve our problems and make our voices heard through appeasement, mediation and dialogue.

Perhaps they should practice what they preach. Using violence to shout for peace only makes you a fool.

I wonder if the marchers in Italy carrying the Palestinian flag like a victory banner were aware that as they were marching, Palestinians (say it with me - terrorists) were once again thrusting their own special brand of terror onto Israel.

We have met the enemy, and they are the ones crying for peace.

repeating semantics 101

Once again, it's terrorist. Not militant. Not gunman. Not "suspected Palestinian." Terrorist. Say it with me. T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-T.

See here for previous reference. Thank you.

Also, if anyone knows of any bloggers who are Veterans, please let me know. Thanks.

last call for hate mail

Judges of jingle contest, please send me your three favorite entries tonight. Laurence and Dodd already sent theirs, so that leaves you, Stacy, Mikerz, Joe and umm..other people. Anyone who didn't enter the contest can actually send me their three favorites. Thank you.


last call for hate mail

To: Everyone dimwitted, brain-rotted, grammatically challenged person who sent me email in the past few days filled with hate, threats and/or accusations.

I'm just going to cover all the bases in one fell swoop and hope this covers all the areas:

I am not Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Protestant. I am an atheist. I am a divorced, remarried, pro-choice, birth control using, heavy metal listening, gay rights supporting atheist.

I am not a "liberal disguised as a right winger" whatever the hell that means. I drive an SUV, proudly. I am a meat eating, gas guzzling, anti gun-control, pro-war, capitalist pig. I shop, shop shop all the live long day just to piss off the people who think I shouldn't be shopping. I spend money on foolish and materialistic things because it is my that I earned and I will do with it whatever I please, even if it means filling up my gigantor sized gas tank and taking a joy ride out to run down some protesters or club some baby seals.

I have two children, which is socially irresponisble to you, but quite enjoyable to me. You think I am selfish for having children, I think you are selfish for thinking the world needs to bow to your perceived wisdom. I eat pre-packaged food and buy dinner at McDonald's and buy stereo equipment made in Asia. Why? because I work for a living and besides working I lug my two pollution-making, census-breaking, waste-making children around in my Godzilla of a car, and frankly, there's just not enough time to make a full organic, grown from my garden dinner anymore. Of course, the full time job keeps me from tending to my garden, so excuse me if I need to run out through the fast food drive through on my way take my kids to play a team sport, sports which you think are keeping my children from being "free-thinking, empathic and humble" because they should be playing cooperative games where there are no winners or losers instead of basketball or baseball where they learn things like oh...playing by the rules and thinking as a team, which is just too much for your tiny little brain to comprehend as a good thing, I guess.

You cannot describe me as simply a "Jew lover" or "homo lover" and sign your email "bringing you the truth" and then not expect me to think you are a complete fuckwad.

I think it's quite amusing that you Ashcroft-fearing people run around the streets screaming that the sky is falling because the Republicans are coming, the Republicans are coming, and you scream that our privacy is gone and the government is going to tell us how to live now, but god damn it people, what the hell do you think you're doing with your slapping stickers on SUVs and throwing red paint on fur coats and frightening little children by telling them their milk is poison? Your disdain and snobbery at people who aren't just like you is frightening. You think we should all drop the meat out of our mouths and stop having children and trade in our SUVs for gas-efficient but devoid of storage space tiny little cars and if we don't we are the anti-christ. I got news for you, sweetheart. You are the scary ones. You are the ones who will make the sky fall someday. You, who think more of animals than people, who think more of terrorists and madmen than you do of the innocent people of your own countries, you who have become the useful idiots to the scary regimes of the world.

I don't ask you to live the life of me. You don't see me out on the streets, forcing hamburger down the throat of your friends or forcing you to cut down trees. You don't see me throwing rocks or breaking glass or defacing property to get my disillusioned point across.

As for the other side, I don't tell you what to do with your body, I don't tell you how to preach or pray. Don't even attempt to drag me into your moral compass. I'm not going.

I need a drink. I haven't even covered the people who insist I should not have been allowed to remarry let alone divorce.

That's it. I am no longer replying to hate mail. Please refer to this whenever you have the urge to tell me how wrong my life is. Look at it, print it out, then crumble it up and shove it up your ass.

cheesehead report

cheesehead report

Injury? What injury?


8-1, baby. 8-1.

from skid row to the holy land

from skid row to the holy land

Sebastian Bach is playing Jesus Christ.

There's a joke in there somewhere. I'm just not sure if the joke is on Sebastian or Jesus.

moral degeneracy and you

moral degeneracy and you

Arthur from Light of Reason sent me an email last night pointing me to this article (A Solution for the Democrats: How to win next time, By Dinesh D’Souza) and his response to it. Of course, Arthur's response was measured and mature and professional in its demeanor.

D'Souza's screed is the reason why I will never embrace the far corners of any political party. In those corners stand shallow, closed-minded people who insist that the world should think and behave as they do; anything else is just wrong. They very rarely listen to opposing views and even if they do, they only listen with half a mind, while the other half is carefully constructing their retort to your opinions. In their world, in fact, there are no opinions. They are only absolutes, and to stray from their absolute is to travel beneath their contempt.

That's fine with me. I do not mind at all being looked at with contempt with someone who uses the term "moral degeneracy" and the words divorce, illegitimacy, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and pornography in a one-lump sentence.

Like Arthur stated, to put bestiality in the same sentence as divorce and homosexuality, one can imply that D'Souza holds them in the same light; that to love someone of the same sex or to no longer love someone of the opposite sex is the equivalent of being a pig-fucker.

Perhpas D'Souza does not think that "moral degeneracy" includes spousal abuse, or the myriad other reasons for divorce. For him, adultery is considered a degenerate act, yet so is divorce. From that, one can be lead to believe that D'Souza is one of those who preach the mantra "married for life no matter what." I'm willing to bet that Mr. D'Souza has never been battered or cheated on or had every last cent taken from him by his spouse, leaving him to break open his child's piggy bank to get milk while his spouse vacationed in a luxurious hotel room in Las Vegas.

Obviously, this is personal for me.

The fact that D'Souza puts homosexuality into his equation reveals so much about him. He has no tolerance for people who are not like him. He is a corner-lurker, one who will pounce on you and check your pockets for incriminating evidence. Like others who like to situate themselves into places where there is no room to turn, he sees only what he wants to see, and then he passes his vision on to everyone else as if it were The One and Only Truth.

He uses the term anti-American as if all those things he lumps together somehow speak of subversive activities and wrongdoing. Homosexuality is not a choice. It is not as if a person wakes up one day and decides to protest America by turning gay. Being gay is not an action; it is part of a person. To cut down all gays as being degenerates or anti-American is to attack their hearts and souls and very beings. Is that the moral high ground? Does D'Souza thinks doing such a thing makes him right or better than anyone else? On the contrary, it makes him hateful and righteous. Those are not great moral values, are they?

As for divorce, I dare D'Souza to come walk a mile in the shoes I was wearing a few years ago. I dare him to step into the life of a person who exists in a loveless black hole of a marriage. There is no moral law saying a husband or wife who is living in a nightmare world must play the martyr and stay in the relationship just because that is the value someone else has decided for them. I have my own moral laws, thank you. One of them says "Don't let anyone fuck you in the ass with a ten foot pole." Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Judge not lest ye be judged, Mr. D'Souza. For some of us, the ultimate in moral degeneracy is to wrap your own morals around a sharp knife and use that knife to cut the heart and soul of others.

November 09, 2002

the war 5

Songs about War:

1. 99 Luft Balloons, Nena
99 red balloons.
floating in the summer sky.
Panic bells, it's red alert.
There's something here from somewhere else.
The war machine springs to life
(Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und fuehlten sich gleich angemacht)

2. Modern Day Cowboy, Tesla
So here we are and we've come this far, but it's only getting worse
Foreign lands with their [terrace] demands, only cost a good heart
The U.S.A., the U.S.S.R., with their six-guns to their side
I see the message written on the wall, to my chain-gun deep inside

3. Red Skies at Night, The Fixx
Someone's taking over
And it looks like they're aiming right at you
Someone says, "We'll be dead by morning"
Someone cries, leaving
Red eyes at night, red eyes at night

4. Two Minutes to Midnight, Iron Maiden
The killer's breed or the demon's seed
The glamour, the fortune, the pain
Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain
But don't you pray for my soul anymore
2 minutes to midnight, the hands that threaten doom

5. Almost any Slayer song

Do you want me to stop or keep going?

I'm done. Back to your regularly scheduled bile and hatred in the morning.

big bunny!

big bunny!

Top Five Movies about giant, deranged, murderous bunny rabbits:

1. Night of the Lepus

Ok, so there was only one. But it was damn good, in that "oh my god those special effects SUCK" way.



(Stolen from Rosemary Esmay in the comments on one of these posts)
Five people I would like to stand in front of my gas-guzzling SUV so I can run them down:

1. Noam Chomsky
2. Barbra Streisand (more for Yentl than anything else)
3. Carrot Top
4. Avril Lavigne (or whatever her last name is)
5. Anthony (don't ask)

(I wouldn't bother with Michael Moore because, like any large animal, he would do extensive damage to my car)

Five things I hate when I am going through my blogroll trying to catch up on my blogreading.

1. Blogger
2. Blogger
3. Blogger
4. Blogspot
5. Blogspot

Five things I would buy Juan Gato for Christmas

1. Liquor
2. Baby seals
3. A club
4. Liquor
5. Hand-Wipes to clean up the seal blood

comic fives

Five Comic Book Series Collected By Me

1. Preacher
2. Lenore
3. Sandman
4. The Maxx
5. Hellboy

Five Favorite Action Figures/Comic Toys

1. Optimus Prime
2. Filler Bunny
3. Evil Ash
4. Chun Li
5. Madman

Five Favorite Lines Spoken by Zim or Gir

1. I like you, cold unfeeling robot arm.
2. Invaders blood marches through my veins, like giant radioactive rubberpants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!
3. Aww... I wanted to explode.
4. Vile humans! I shall rule you all with an iron fist! You! Obey the fist!
5. I'm running, I'm running, whoohoooo! I'm running! Wheehehehe! I'm naked!

more fives

More fives...

Five Song Lyrics That Make Me Giggle

1. Your best friend is you I'm my best friend too
I share the same views and hardly ever argue
Eat Spam from the can watch late night C-Span
And rock out to old school Duran Duran

-Bloodhound Gang, Your Friends are Only Make Believe

2. Knee-high! Argyle! Tube!
I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock last night
I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock
I was thinking of you
I wish I had more than two
Cuz I didn't have anything else to do
I was thinking of you while I jerked off into my sock

-Nerf Herder, Doing Laundry

3. I don't have no problem with you fucking me
But I have a little problem wit you not fucking me
(I have no idea why this makes me giggle, but it does)
- ODB, Got Your Money

4. You saw me off at the knee.
You got your teeth in me
so if we're not vaporized in world war three
and if there's nothing good tonight on tv
and if you don't meet somebody with more money that me
our love will last forever and ever.

-Mr. T Experience, Our Love Will Last Forever

5. Ronald McDonald just loves to be fondled
With Big Mac he'll fuck it like a Chicken McNugget
Colonel Sanders wants to goose Granny's loose caboose
He's gonna give her a boost with that Kentucky fried juice

-Mr. Bungle, Squeeze Me Macaroni

would you like to play a game?

would you like to play a game?

There's a list frenzy going on over at Blogcritics. I've been sitting here trying to decide which of the ten thousand entertainment-related lists I've made in the past year alone to post over there. I'll get to that eventually.

Back in the early days of this blog, I used to have a little thing called the Lists of Five. I would pick a topic and people would send me lists in regards to the topic (this was in days before content management and comments). There were topics like Five Favorite Jelly Bean Flavors and Five People Whose Head You Would Like To See Impaled on the End of a Stick.

So I started thinking of new lists today in the shower. I tend to do most of my thinking in the shower, by the way. I have composed many an acceptance speech or angry tirade while standing under the water.

Anyhow. Seeing as that the pnuemonia has sort of knocked me for a loop - as far as mental capacity goes - and I have nothing better to do (I was supposed to take my son and two of his friends to some Tony Hawk extravaganza tonight, but enlisted the friends' uncle to take them instead), I'm just going to make a whole bunch of lists and invite you to join in. Kind of like hanging out with my while I'm sick and making me feel all better. So put your jammies on, grab a cup of coffee (or put a slinky nightie on and grab a glass of wine), and hang out with me.

The rule is this: there are no rules. Your list of five does not have to go with my topic. You can make up your own title, your own list, your own whatever. Or you can just stay on subject with what I write. I don't care. I'll be posting throughout the night, so lists don't have to stay in this comment section. I'll take the best of the lists and put them on a separate page at some point. No prizes awarded, no judging or anything, just a lot of fun, and a way for me to get my creativity going so I can make a post over at Blogcritics.

I'll start.

Five Evil Songs That Get Stuck In Your Head And Never Leave:

1. McArthur Park
2. Turn the Beat Around
3. Copacabana
4. Muskrat Love
5. Barbie Girl

Ok, your turn. Anything goes. Don't make me sit here all alone feeling sorry for myself. Play with me.

semantics 101

semantics 101

Note to CNN:

Please know the difference between militant(as in "Israeli forces shot and killed a top Islamic militant early Saturday after he opened fire on them in the old city of Jenin..") and terrorist.

mil·i·tant : n. A fighting, warring, or aggressive person or party.

ter·ror·ist: n. One that engages in acts or an act of terrorism

ter·ror·ism n. The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

Now, let's reword the sentence from the above mentioned story:

"Israeli forces shot and killed a top Islamic terrorist early Saturday after he opened fire on them in the old city of Jenin.."

Yes, much better. Any questions? No?


after these messages

*Everyone who volunteered to be a judge for the jingle contest, please email me. I kind of deleted the folder your emails were in.*

after these messages....

I know, I know. I owe several VRWC ID cards, and I owe even more emails. I'm suffering from my 2nd annual bout with pnuemonia (Meryl, did you pass this along to me?) and I'm not in great writing form at the moment.

I started three different posts, but between the hacking cough and the inability to hold my head up straight, I couldn't get past the first sentence. Suffice it to say that Eminem is a punk bitch, Robert Fisk is an assclown, I'm glad the American terrorist in Yemen is no longer breathing, and the New York public school system and their need to evaluate a child's entire school career based on one state mandated test needs to have their collective asses kicked to the ground. By me.

Also, to those of you coming from Fark, through Robyn's site, go away. If you're looking for masturbation fodder, there's plenty of free porn on the internet. Try here. Or here. Or here. Just don't stay here, because you'll dirty the place up and I just cleaned. Thanks.

I'll be back after a nap and some NyQuil and some people are going to be really sorry they decided to take me on.

in defense of freedom

in defense of freedom

If you'll notice, I put a link under my graphic up top. The link leads to a page where you can fill out a form to say thank you to a member of the military. This is National Military Appreciation month; Monday is Veteran's Day.

I have always been appreciative of the military. Even back in my (near)liberal days, I never took the side of those who called members of our military killers or murderers. It always struck me as ironic that these people would gather by the hundreds to denounce a military action, completely oblivious to the fact that were in not for the men and women who have served this country since a military was first formed, they would not have that freedom to be standing there shouting their dissent.

No matter how much I have complained about this country, I always respected the fact that I have the right to complain.That's one of the things that makes the United States of America so great. You have the right to make an ass out of yourself in public. You have the right to hold up signs or shout slogans or sing songs at the front gate of the White House.

No matter how you feel about the impending war on Iraq, the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, the constitution, the pledge, our laws, our rules and regulations, you should take the time out to thank your lucky stars that our military has won for you the ability to say all those things suck. You could be staring down the face of a dictatorship right now. You could be in a country ruled by fear, where torture is a daily occurence and people are stoned to death for speaking out.

Don't you dare refute the above statements. You may shout out your rhetoric and paint the leaders of this country with whatever broad brush you are using, but this is not a dictatorship. This is not a country ruled by fear. You will not be stoned to death for marching on Washington. You will not be shot on sight because you had the misfortune of being raped and that makes you just as much of a crimnal as your rapist.

You can sit in front of your thousand dollar computer on your comfortable chair, sipping your fresh brewed coffee and listening to your incredible collection of cds and bitch and moan all you want about how this country oppresses you.

The fact of the matter is, you are damn lucky to be living here. You are damn lucky to live in a place where soldiers don't break down your door in the middle of the night and kill you because of your religion. You are damn lucky to live in a country where you can get on a bus without a very real fear of it blowing up before you reach your destination. You are very fortunate to live in a place that affords you the freedom to be whatever you want to be, where you future is decided by your choices and actions alone.

Yes, I have ripped this country to shreds before, right here on this page. But I have always ended those rants with the caveat that I would never want to live anywhere else, that this is the greatest damned country in the world and I am incredibly thankful that America is my home.

I know where my freedom comes from. I know it comes from the blood of every soldier who ever battled in a war for this country. I know it comes from great loss and great tragedy. I know that from the Revolutionary war on up, many, many people have died or put themselves on the line so I can have the right to live my life in a free country.

I am forever thankful to those people. No matter how you feel about our president or his policies or any leader that came before him, you should be thankful, too. If not, you don't deserve the freedom that all those soldiers have afforded you.

Click this link. Show your thanks.

link via iamcatman

bad boys

bad boys

Fans rioted in Canada yesterday when Axl Rose failed to show up for a scheduled Guns n Roses concert.

What stuns me is not that all these people threw rocks and smashed windows and caused havoc; I'm more shocked that there are enough GnR fans left to actually form a crowd.

Have these people heard the new GnR?

November 08, 2002

the grinch is a liberal

Two reminders: Entries are no longer being accepted for the Pro-War Jingle Contest. Judging will commence this weekend. Winner announced when I get around to it. Don't forget that my boobies have been moistened and bared for a good cause (not just the Statia thing, but breast cancer awareness as well).

the grinch is a liberal

I knew I could count on the lovely folks at Indymedia to give me something to write about tonight.

From the Chicago edition of Indy: They’re Back! The Marshall Field Holiday Windows Highlight Disparity

Former Citizens in a capitalist community have been relegated to members of the Shopping Class. Their fantasies and desires have been successfully documented and dissected by marketing moguls. Those desires are then recreated and mirrored back to them from behind the windows of stores like Marshall Fields…

Former citizens? I guess.Once we start Christmas shopping we give up our citizenship. And buddy, if my fantasies and desires have been documented by the marketing moguls and put into store windows, this I gotta see. I just hope the vice squad doesn't see it.

We, the Shopping Class, have the right to vicarious fulfillment of our deepest desires---all we have to do is LOOK and then live in longing… If we really want and deserve what we desire, we will WORK…and thus prove ourselves worthy. Bogus.

Well fuck me with a chainsaw! What the hell am I working for if not to fulfill my desires (housing and food are desires, you know).

Needless to say, I do not look upon the new holiday windows at Marshall Field with awe and longing...I passed the MF windows today, and while I kept my eyes averted from the ghastly glare of paned consumerism, I could not so easily avoid the music being pumped onto the heads of passers-by: “Look on the bright side of life!” A weathered homeless man kept time to the song with his shaking cup of change. Shake-shake. Shake-shake. Look on the bright side of life…!

Wait. I have to digest that "ghastly glare of paned consumerism." College freshman creative writing student? As for that weathered homeless man begging for change, there's probably three McDonald's within walking distance that would hire him to at least clean the bathrooms so he doesn't have to stand in the crowd of holiday shoppers and shake-shake his tin cup. Oh, I forgot. He has too much PRIDE to work at McDonald's.

Soon MF passers-by will have the opportunity to smugly avoid the spirited street drummers performing for spare change or warm clothing. They will have the opportunity to crowd the MF windows in clumps, collectively side-stepping those less fortunate who stand on the sidewalk, between the windows, in the empty grey solid concrete spaces. Look on the bright side of life!

You dumb fucknozzle. Just because I'm standing around looking at gaudy holiday decorations in a department store window doesn't mean I haven't dropped a hefty amount of my yearly salary on various charitable organizations. That's pretty presumptious and generalizing of you. And for the record, I hate when the damn homeless people make me step over them as I'm trying to get into a store to spend my hard earned money. Yea, I'm looking at the bright side of life. I have a roof over my head and food on my table because I work 40 hours a week, and even when I was so close to poor I had to look in the couch cushions to gather enough change to buy a quart of milk, you can bet your Ben and Jerry's t-shirt that I would have taken a job cleaning up elephant shit before I begged strangers to put pennies in a can so I can eat.

But November 29th, 2002 is Buy Nothing Day. A day I CAN dig!

And I'll be doing exactly what I was doing last Buy Nothing Day; shopping. Extravagant, impulsive, whimsical shopping.

On that day, we, as members of the Shopping Class can IGNORE our central purpose in capitalist society. We can choose to not shop. The day is utterly useless, however, if we shop heavily the day before in order to stock up for the next day....

Try some deodorant, a hairbrush and a bar of soap. Maybe a razor.

If you ask me, we have a major chance to send an economic statement on Buy Nothing Day. A statement of collective inactivity on the department store floors. A statement equivalent to forcing a single middle finger high into the air and smiling widely….

Well, I didn't ask you. But since you mentioned it, I'll add my two cents. Don't stand around and complain that the fucking economy is in ruins and then start some great movement to not buy anything. Economic statement? How is "let's not put any money into the economy" a statement of anything but idiocy? Just what are you protesting here? High prices? Materialism? Consumerism? Christmas? Do you people every fucking smile and enjoy life? I bet every time one of you tofu-breaths drops dead, your last thought is "Damn, I wish I bought more shit." As for your middle finger held high in the air, you can take it, stick it up your dirty ass and rotate it. In your name I will be buying my kids the most expensive, worthless crap I can find this Christmas. And I'm going to step over your homeless friends to get into the store when I do.

Grinches unite!

Bah humbug, you simplistic, idealistic twit.

*note: this post is not an invitation to start an argument about classism or any kind of ism. Bugger off if that's your intention. I'm not in the mood.

hooray for boobies!

hooray for boobies!

I didn't have a cigarette. I did the next best thing. I had a huge drink and had my husband take pictures of me in a wet t shirt. Oh stop looking at me like that, it was for a cause. Besides, as it says in my about page: If I like you and consider you a friend, I will kill for you. I will give you every single thing I own if you need it to survive. I am passionately generous to good people. It's why I'm still poor. Just interpret that to include showing my wet boobs for Statia.

I don't know when Roby will get the picture up on her site, so here's a sneak preview:

I'm going to watch Jackass. VRWC cards will be in your mailboxes by no later than 10 (EST). You can keep adding entries to the contest until I get back on here and then I'll let the judges take over.

I'm beginning to think the internet is nothing but flash animations, pictures of kitties, and boobies.

Hooray for Boobies!


I cannot even put into words how badly I want a cigarette right now.

My will is breaking. Big time.

the left coast

the left coast

One last post before I wrap things up at work. I found this through Gretchen, who read it at SFGate.com It is written by Adam Sparks, a San Francisco conservative activist.

San Francisco is not a city that honors its fallen heroes. It cherishes peace yet barely recognizes that peace must sometimes be defended by the raising up of arms. There are 26 million veterans in the United States. Out of 3 million California veterans, 1 million live in Northern California and 65,000 are right here in San Francisco.....

....San Franciscans are big on free speech, but it's the soldier, and not the poet, who has given it to us. We love freedom of the press, but it's the soldier, and not the reporter, who has given us that gift. We like fair trials, but it's the soldier, and not the lawyer, who has preserved that heritage for us. We like freedom, but it's the soldier, and not the legislator, who has given that to us. I know. My parents were prisoners of Hitler's inhumane, unspeakably brutal concentration camps. They were liberated by plain ol' American G.I. Joes, and they kissed the ground that American soldiers walked on ever after their liberation. They were thanking the veterans until their recent deaths. It is now my honor to salute the veteran in my parents' stead....

....Observances are held throughout the country on this federal holiday in the form of prayer services, rallies, assembly programs, parades, patriotic speeches and graveside flag displays. The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, outside Washington, D.C., at Arlington National Cemetery, where thousands of service personnel are buried, is the focus of the nation's tribute on Veterans Day. The San Francisco Unified School District, however, offers no citywide program or assembly for its students for this holiday. What would you expect?

Political leaders in San Francisco are certainly not interested in a parade that honors the memory of those soldiers. Here's how San Francisco funds some of its many parades... (he then lists several city-funded parades, some of which get more than triple the funding that Veteran's Day parade gets)...

....It would be funny if it weren't such a bad joke. Speaking of jokes, in San Francisco, the city even gives more money to comics than to mourners who wish to memorialize the fallen martyrs: Comedy Day gets $7,000. The bad joke is not just on the vets; it's on all of us...

Please, do yourself a favor and read the whole thing.

Monday is Veteran's Day.

jackass, the life

jackass, the life

Please think of me this evening at around 6pm.

I promised my husband I would watch Jackass, The Movie with him. I'm afraid. And I don't know if I'm more afraid that it will be the hugest, grossest waste of my time ever, or that I will actually enjoy it. I think this may call for a drink or two. And then he owes me, big time. Looks like the cunnilingus fairy may be coming for a visit tonight, after all.

I apologize for all the vulgarness and sex related talk today. It's Friday and the beginning of a three day weekend. I haven't smoked in ten twelve days. I'm just in a mood. I'll stop if you want me to. Just ask.

Now, onto the business of the VRWC. I got all your emails. I got your pictures. The cards are coming, eventually. Next person who emails me more than once wanting to know where their card is will not only be kicked out of the VRWC, but will end up in a bloody pulp and discarded on the lawn of the owner of Angrydems.com.

I'm going to cut off the comments on Run Away! If, after 74 comments, certain people (not Joy) are just going to engage in the same rhetoric over and over while holding their fingers in their ears and screaming I can't hear you!, it's just going to be a big old waste of your time and my bandwidth. Party's over. Go play somewhere else.

3 hours left to enter the Pro-War Jingle Contest. Give or take a few hours, depending on if Jackass renders me braindead.

I love it when you say projectile missile

I love it when you say projectile missile

So what will Saddam be doing for the next seven days?

Day 1: Laugh maniacally
Day 2: Twiddle his thumbs
Day 3: Watch reruns of Justice League on his TiVo
Day 4: Play Yahoo! Monopoly with Scott Ritter
Day 5: Torture a few innocent people
Day 6: Make out his holiday list
Day 7: Realize, a bit too late, that this time we were serious.

So all this talk of killing Saddam has made me frisky. A few more well placed comments about men going to battle and missiles and war heads and I may have to follow up on my promise to join the wet-t shirt photo op brigade when I get home.

Talk war to me, baby!

the pass is complete!

the pass is complete!

Congratulations! You have been approved!

I wonder what Saddam is doing right now. Besides pissing his pants, I mean.

By the way, unfettered access has become my favorite phrase. I try to use it whenever possible. It's very sexy if you use it the right way.

(If I appear to be sex-obsessed today, blame Mr. Daily Pundit, whose pop-up ads beckon me with "instant erections!" every time I go to his site)

he knows if you've been bad or really, really bad

he knows if you've been bad or really, really bad

Somewhere up in Albany, in the great, vast headquarters of my employer, is a lonely system administrator monitoring the email of every person using my employer's system.

And that geeky little man will come across the emails exchanged between myself and my co-worker and sometimes drunken kissing partner Bonnie, and he will either faint or lock himself in the bathroom for a long time.

Today's exchange involved putting your panties under your pillow at night so the cunnilingus fairy would come.

Then we discussed applying for jobs as fellatio fairies, listing all our credentials and experience.

Maybe we should stop before we kill someone.


Rock the Casbah

Rock the Casbah!

"When this resolution passes, I will be able to say that the United Nations has recognized the threat and now we're going to work together to disarm him," Bush said. "And he must be cooperative in the disarmament."

VRWC translation: "Actually, we never really cared what the U.N. thought. This is just a formality. That fucker is a threat to our security and future and we all know he will never cooperate. Hell awaits him."

"This time would be the 17th time that we expect Saddam Hussein to disarm; this time we mean it," the president said. "This time, it's for real."

VRWC translation: "Obviously a time-out in the corner has not worked. Time to take out the belt."

Russian Deputy Foreign Minister Yuri Fedotov, quoted by the Interfax news agency, said "the draft has undergone significant changes, the main one is that the 'automaticity' of the use of force against Iraq has disappeared."

Great. Automaticity isn't really a word in the strictest sense, so it doesn't count. It's like having your fingers crossed when you make a promise. Tricked ya!

That rumbling sound you just heard is the far left running out to the streets to protest. Keep yelling kids. No one is listening.

What a great time to think of a Pro-War Jingle and win a contest! You have 8 more hours to get your entries in.

How could I have forgotten this? I present to you my personal theme for the War on Iraq, brought to you by Wesely Willis:

Play that rock lead guitar
Rock it like a magikist
Rock and roll is the joyride music
Whip that snow leopard's ass

Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass

Play that Westone guitar
Rock it to the break of dawn
Rock in on the mic in front of 50,000 people
Rock the jam session on Saddam Hussein

Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass
Rock Saddam Hussein's ass

wet, wet, wet

wet, wet, wet

The following link is SO not safe for work or small children.

Boobies. Wet Boobies. Wet blogger boobies.

Mine will be joining them tonight. Hey, it's for a good cause!

And: What About The Penguins?

For those of you waiting in line for Vast Right Wing Conspiracy cards, I will get to them all tonight.

Note to Glenn: I'm having withdrawals. Please stop with the real life stuff and get on with the blogging. Thank you.

gun shy

Entries in the Pro-War Jingle Contest accepted until Friday, 6pm (EST). Offer void to members of The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy and to members of any terrorist organizations. Judges positions have been filled. (Mikerzz, you're in, I'll email you later)

gun shy

Father kills son, wounds boy's mother at school
This is a scenario I worry about.

When I first saw the movie Falling Down, a creeping fear settled in my brain and stayed there. That could be him, I thought. That could very well be my ex-husband.

We've had run-ins before, never anything quite so violent as what Michael Douglas or the man in Missouri resorted to, but there were enough incidents - and enough venom present in the incidents - to make me fear what could happen should my ex ever snap. And trust me, he is about one tiny little push away from snapping.

I've wondered how I would protect myself should the situation ever arise. What if he was once again waiting for me at my car, but this time he was more violent, more on the attack? What would I do? Hit him with my purse?

I started carrying mace around with me. I learned how to hold my keys in such a way that they become a weapon. It's not just my fear of the ex, it's my fear of my surroundings. I work in a high crime area. The days are getting shorter and it's near dark when I walk out to the parking lot after work. It makes me nervous.

I want to protect myself. I want more than what mace or car keys can afford me. I want a gun.

This isn't something new. I've always wanted to a gun. When one lives in a high strung state of constant anxiety like I do (or did, pre-Paxil), you fear everything and everyone. You are sure that every shadow is the bogeyman, waiting to get you. And then you grow up and realize that not every shadow is out to get you, but there certainly are people lurking in the corners, waiting to pounce on you or break into your house or assault your children.

I don't feel protected. I feel naked and vulnerable when I am walking through a parking lot alone. I feel like a target when I am driving alone at night and the car starts making a funny noise and I need to pull over. I lay in my bed sometimes and think, what would I do if someone came into the house and tried to kidnap my kids or tied up my husband? What would I do if someone was attempting to mug or rape me?

I would do nothing, of course, because I have nothing to defend myself with. The hockey stick next to my bed will only do so much to ward off an attacker who is filled with rage or fueled by crack.

My brother-in-law would be happy to take me to the range, teach me how to shoot. But would I sleep better at night knowing I had a gun? Would I live in fear that one day the kids would accidently find it? Do I trust myself enough to not gun down the first person that cuts me off on the parkway? Would owning a gun make me feel safer or more nervous?

I just want to know that when my ex-husband goes off the deep end or someone jumps up from behind my car in the parking lot at night, I have the means to keep them at bay. I may never have to shoot the gun, just showing it would be enough, I hope. I want them to look at me and see someone who will not be a victim.

Just something to ponder on a Friday morning.

November 07, 2002

and spies everywhere

I have three judges so far. I need one more. Entries in the Pro-War Jingle Contest accepted until Friday, 6pm (EST). Offer void to members of The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy and to members of any terrorist organizations

Thanks Laurence, Dodd, Stacy and Joe for subjecting yourselves to this as judges. Dodd is going to do his judgining in haiku, by the way.

...and spies everywhere

I was thinking of how I spent my childhood afraid of the Russians. The Russian government was a constant shadow in the corner, always lurking, always promising darkness and misery.

The thing is, I never really knew that much about the Russians. I just knew what the adults let us in on; Russia was powerful. Russia was evil. Russia was our enemy. Russia wanted to destroy us.

I didn't know why, I only knew how. They would aim their nuclear weapons at us and someone would hit a red button and we would all be dead within seconds. That's the way my mind recorded it, anyhow.

I heard scattered rumors here and there. Russians who spoke out against their government were sent to Siberia, where they would live in a tiny little one room hut in the middle of a snow slicked wasteland. They would freeze to death in a matter of days or weeks, a slow torturous death for saying the wrong thing. I had nightmares about Russia. She had become the monster in my closet, the thing under my bed, my own personal bogeyman.

Cut to 30 or so years later. My kids are afraid of Iraq. They are afraid of Saddam Hussein. And they have reason to be. The difference between my rumor-fueled nightmares and the real fears of my children is knowledge. People today do not treat children as if they should be kept from everything going on in the world.

I had a discussion with DJ today and he said things like "aerial attacks," and "axis of evil" and "weapons of mass destruction." He is nine. he knows these things because he reads the paper and watches the news and they discuss it in school.

Their fears are real. More importantly, their fears are greater than any nightmare I had about the Russians. I didn't really know what could happen then. I made it all up in my head, the whole scenario from pushing a simple little button to the mushroom cloud to the walking undead taking over the country.

Our kids don't have to make up scenarios. They know. They know about terror, they know about people leaping from the World Trade Center, they know about terror alterts and colored warnings and airplanes that crash into buildings.

Until the hostage situation in Iran, I never really witnessed real terror. I was in high school by then, all too aware of the ways of the world.

My kids live with a sort of fear I never realized. They may not be crouching down in the hallways like I used to during air raid drills, but to my daughter, the fact that they don't do that is scary in and of itself. "If they don't even bother having drills," she said, "that means that once someone attacks us with nuclear weapons, we are dead meat."

They worry about their future. They are afraid. They are afraid of a very real, very ominous threat. I was just afraid of the Russians; a general all-encompassing fright that was more a fear of communism than anything else. Natalie and DJ and a million other kids are afraid of one single man. One man who is harboring the means to make their fears realized. We have the means and enough reasons to blot this bogeyman out of existence.

Faster, please.

jump shot

jump shot

I'm off to start my second stint as a coach for Natalie's PAL basketball team. I hope I don't get the sophomore jinx.

Then again, like Natalie said, "Mom, it's not like you really knew anything. We practically coached ourselves."

Don't forget about the Pro-War Jingle/Poem/Whatever contest. I still need three more judges.

War is coming. Don't be caught without a catchy song to sing.

tickets still available

tickets still available

The big red headline at CNN a few minutes ago read like this:

BREAKING NEWS Top terrorist figures met in South America to plan new attacks on U.S. targets, intelligence sources tell CNN. Details soon.

Maybe it's just me, but when I saw those words I immediately thought of this:

click for supersize

The Daily VRWC Bulletin

The Daily VRWC Bulletin...

The Indymedia Pro-War Jingle Contest is running at full speed. Because the response has been good, I will offer a prize at the end. I need four people to volunteer as judges, as I remove myself from the judging. Greepeace members need not apply.

Ravenwood, my new hero, has taken it upon himself to make a page recording all the members of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy who have official membership cards. If I made a card for you, please send a copy back to me as I didn't save any of them. If you would like to apply for membership, just email me (michele@NOSPAMrhzine.com - remove the nospam obviously) with your name or alias, who you want your sponor to be and a small picture or reasonable fascimile. If you don't include a picture I will be forced to conjure one up for you. Tin foil hats arrive in the mail ten days after your membership is confirmed. Thank you Ravenwood!

All members of the VRWC owe it themselves to visit and read through the 50-odd comments of this thread to see why it's so important to take on the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy, our arch enemies.

Juan Gato was briefly mentioned on MSNBC's weblog thing; they actually just linked to his site but didn't mention his name. As I mentioned here before, a link from MSNBC is a guarantee of an avalanche of oh.....6 hits or so. That's in two weeks time. Juan is certainly underwhelmed by the notoriety brought to him by being linked on the site that practically slandered Charles Johnson.

So help me prove that I can send more hits to Juan Gato and his bucket o'rants than that insipid "professional" website can. Go visit him. He's got a great blog, he's super intelligent and very funny, and besides, I said so. Do it For The Children(tm).

Be good for goodness sake!

Be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why

Because Santa Claus is one crazy bastard!

roses are red

roses are red, violets are blue
this little warhead is aimed at you

I have a little blogrolling list that I don't keep linked on the site. It's called "Idiots." It includes sites belonging to Michael Moore, Babs, Ted Rall plus other leftist-extremist sites. I like to read what people who are not on my side of the fence have to say. Sometimes it's enlightening, sometimes it's frightening. And sometimes, well most of the time, it's just amusing.

While cruising through Indymedia today, I found a thread from a person looking for "for anti-war poems, dittis, songs and lyrics, slogans and captions, so on and so forth."

There's only two responses, but I hold out hope that more people will chime in and give me great amusement.

Is it just me or does this "ditty" seem a bit simplistic?

One, two
Shame on you.
Three, Four
No more war.
Five, six
Stop the dirty tricks.
Seven, eight
We can't wait.
Nine, ten
Never again!

I'm opening up the phone lines today, kids. Come up with a pro-invasion or anti-loony left "poems, dittis, songs and lyrics, slogans and captions, so on and so forth," and I promise to go post them over at the Indymedia thread, and depending on how many poems, ditties, etc. I get, award a prize.

Have at it.

terror terror everywhere

Terror, terror everywhere..

This is going to end up being a "little boy who cried terror" story. The more terror alerts they issue, the more we ignore them.

Until they make an announcement like "At 1pm on Saturday a terrorist will blow up a bus station in Manhattan. He will be wearing a green jacket and black shoes and will answer to the name of Johnny Bravo," I'll just go on my merry way.

I especially like this vague line:

Other potential targets could include residential areas, clubs, restaurants, places of worship, schools, hotels, outdoor recreation events or resorts and beaches and other facilities where Americans, or foreigners in general, are known to congregate, according to the State Department.

That pretty much lets out being safe anywhere, even under your bed.

I wish the Department of Homeland Security would issue warnings that actually mean something to me. Personalized Terror Alerts that would appear in my email every morning:

Good Morning Michele.

Here is your Personalized Terror Alert for Thursday, November 7, 2002.

  • Your mother is in a bad mood today. Don't go over to her house.
  • Be prepared for an attack of noisy tree removal workers. They will be out in full force with illegal decibel level woodchippers and chainsaws.
  • You are in danger of overdrawing your checking account.
  • Glitter is on Showtime tonight.

Terror Level: 6 out of 10.

Now that would be news I could use.

On another note, Joy is doing a fine job taking on a rather argumentive cretin person in the comments here, but it's worth noting the "discussion" that is going on there. You may want to chime in.

up, up and atom!

up, up and atom!

I've had hits from The Internation Atomic Energy Association before. But never as many as this. See all the red area in the graph below (click for large version)? That is all hits form IAEA. Out of approximately 3100 distinct hits yesterday, 59% of them came from the IAEA. Whoever was doing the looking clocked over 6,000 page requests. I wish I knew how to figure out exactly what pages they were looking at and why in the world someone at the IAEA is so interested in this site. (Solly also had the same thing happen this week)

Just for the record, I have no Weapons of Mass Destruction anywhere on my property, unless you count my son. I know nothing about atomic energy. I am not now nor have I ever been associated with Scott Ritter.

I'm going to be looking over my shoulder all day today.

Dept. of Rumor Control

Dept. of Rumor Control

Bubonic Plague in New York.

As an outstsanding member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and self-appointed Grand Marshall of Rumor Control and Conspiracy Denial, it is my duty to point out the following:

Bubonic Plague is not spread from person to person.
Bubonic Plague is spread by flea-ridden rodents.
The couple in New York, who are from New Mexico, led authorities to a dead rat in their yard. Said rat tested positive for Bubonic Plague.

I am taking out the "Do Not Panic" banner.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from the VRWC Department of Rumor Control.

You may resume your regularly scheduled hunt for signs of biological terrorism.

cult of personality

cult of personality

I do not understand America's fixation with The Sad Adventures of Winona Ryder.

Flipping through the channels last night, I flashed by CNN and saw Winona's face plastered on the screen. Cut to Larry King, who for some reason felt the need to delve into this situation deeper than anyone has gone before. Of course. Sitting next to Larry was Mark Klaas.

I did a double take. What was Mark Klaas, father of Polly Klaas (12 year old abducted and murdered in 1993) doing on Larry King, talking about a celebrity shoplifter? Apparently Klaas is friendly with the Ryder family and King was asking him whether or not Winona's parents had stood by her during this, and why wasn't her mother there when they announced the verdict?

What the hell is going on here? Who cares? Is America so obsessed with celebrity that Ryder's mother being present at the trial is even an issue? I don't understand the high news factor on this subject, anyhow.

Maybe I'm jaded. I spend my days going through files of shoplifters, drunk drivers, wife beaters and credit card deadbeats. It gives me the creeps sometimes to look through the files. I feel like a voyeur. I feel like whatever troubles this person is having, it is none of my business. When they walk past my office in their orange jumpsuits and handcuffs, I avert my eyes, not because I don't want to look at a criminal, but because I assume the person does not want me looking at them.

America is on a constant search for newer, better, more controversial celebrities. There is an unquenched thirst for knowledge about their wardrobe, their bedroom escapades, their sordid past. I may not read People Magazine or The Star, but plenty of other people do. They drink up the fashion photos and gossip as if it were real knowledge. And when one of the celebrities who previously graced the covers of a magazine for his or her personal achievements makes the cover for less stellar activities, the public eats it up like candy.

We tend to glamorize celebrity criminal behavior (see, O.J.) and romanticize tragedy (see, Lisa Beamer). We make stars out of thugs (see, Eminem) and when any little tidbit about those stars is made public, it is devoured, chewed up and spit out on every talk show in existence. In the blink that occurs when a person moves from small town guy to instant celebrity because of criminal behavior or tragedy or the witnessing of either, doors are opened, vaults are emptied and tomorrow's papers are flush with interviews with his fourth grade teacher, his next door neighbor, his paper delivery boy. By the time the day is over, you know how often he goes to the bathroom. By the time his celebrity status wanes, he has published a biography and hugged Oprah.

It's even worse for the celebrity who goes from famous to infamous. Suddenly, that cherubic, sweet girl everyone idolized is demonized. Her past, which until now has only revealed sweetness and charm, is scrutinized and analyzed. The search is on for at least one childhood friend who will say the celebrity was a bitch on wheels; at least one disgruntled co-worker who will reveal all about the hissy fits in the dressing room.

Why is crime and tragedy so appealing? How does a bereaved widow end up on a 40 stop book tour? Why does anyone want to read Kurt Cobain's diaries? Why do we take other people's tragedies as our own as if we haven't suffered any ourselves?

I don't get parents who travel the talk show circuit after their child has been murdered. I don't get people who sit back and rack up the dollars, charging for interviews after they survive a plane crash. I don't get celebrities who need to reveal every childhood trauma in a book or mini-series or major motion picture.

Tragedy and crime are not romantic, they are not glorious. To sit and watch someone's life come apart, to see a person taken away in handcuffs, to see a well-known man break down in tears as he talks about his childhood, to peek into the lives of victims and perpetrators all for the benefit of cash, makes my skin crawl. That people like Larry King make a very rich living off of exploiting the sometime sad, sometimes tragic lives of the ordinary as well as the famous says a lot about where our society has gone.

November 06, 2002

from the desk of the king idiotarian

from the desk of the king idiotarian

From the moldy, crusted brain of Hesiod:

Fish or cut bait, America. Either we are an intolerant, irresponsible, aggresive, violent, uncaring nation. Or we are all Democrats.

Yep. Because only Democrats are tolerant, responsible, peaceful and caring.

So caring that they have a freaking pep rally at the memorial service of one of their icons.

So responsible that their celebrity spokesperson Babs spreads rumors that the Republicans assasinated Wellstone.

So tolerant that they can't see past their own ideology and listen to the thoughts and ideas of others.

intolerant, irresponsible, aggressive... You just described yourself, jackass.

Here's another good one he came up with:

THE COUNTERSPIN CHALLENGE: I'm starting a little contest. Let's see who can predict how many dead American soldiers we will be mourning in six months.

Or, we can take your way and not strike at all. Then you can have a contest seeing how many of our children have a decent future on this planet.

Why don't you have a contest to see who can come up with the correct number of innocent people that have been killed and/or tortured by Saddam and his henchmen?

Even better, stage a contest to see how many of this country's servicemen - who are willing to fight to the death for our freedoms - would kick your motherfucking ass if they could get near you.

Damn fucknozzle.

moore presents

So, if you picked Michael Moore in the office Christmas Present Secret Santa exchange, what would you get him?

because I'm bored....

because I'm bored....


Terry McAuliffe meets his new boss

And this is for Joe. I know I promised you small animals and vegetables, but here's some fruity cleavage. That will have to hold you for now. Am I still your favorite bloodyhungrythirstywarbloggerhawk?

click for supersize

i vant to suck your blood

i vant to suck your blood

Now that we have the other elections out of the way, we can get down to the real voting issues. That's right, folks. The Blood Thirsty Blogger Award is still up for grabs. Right now I hold a commanding lead, but things are getting very ugly.

I'll make this real simple. I want you to do for me what voters did for the Republican party. That's right, I want you to make Michael Moore cry.

When you're done with that, go vote for me. Coerce your friends into voting for me. Rig the ballot. Hang the chad. Confuse the voters with facts and issues. Sell your soul for me. Give out free blow jobs. Anything. I would make you do anything to win, win, win.

And now, I am going figure out a way to lie, cheat and steal my way to the top. Oh wait, I'm already at the top. Instead, I will find a way to kick my opponents while they are down. You think linking me to the snipers or threatening to shoot a dog is going to stop me?

I'm so bad I should be in detention.

Bite me, assclowns. I'm going to make you cry.

givin' it up for the milk pillows

givin' it up for the milk pillows

The Thanksgiving season is upon us, and you know what that means. Everyone wants you to donate to their cause in the name of good will and peace on earth.

Of course, I know you guys. And I know that most of you couldn't care less about good will and peace on earth. If you were going to give your good tidings, cash included, to a cause, it would most likely have something to do with gratuitous nudity.

Have I got a cause for you. Robyn -who is one of my dearest, most special friends and a hell of a person and a partner in Sekimori Design - will be turning 30 soon. She will be having a grand old Florida style blogging birthday party, much like the one they had for husband, Todd. Todd's birthday party cam shots included lots of boobs.

Anyhow, Robyn would love nothing more than for Statia, who has quite a nice rack, to be at her party. And Statia, who is one sexy motherfucker, would love nothing more than to be there, flashing her ta-ta's on cam for everyone to see, frolicking in the hot tub with Robyn, getting down and dirty with Stacy....you get the picture. Well, you will get the picture if we can get Statia there.

So, in the spirit of holiday giving, please consider a small donation to the Soft Fluffy Milk Pillows(tm) for Thanksgiving charity. You will not regret it. Do it for me. Do it For the Children(tm). Do it because I said so.

too many L's spoil the name

One more time, people....

My name is MICHELE.

ONE L. Just one.

Thank you.

goin' underground

goin' underground...

I knew my conspiracy sense was tingling. Let's take a stroll through the Democratic Underground, shall we?

This country has been hijacked, and largely because of the corporate media, the public at large has been brainwashed into voting repug. ....The Republicans are in total control now. How soon until liberals are arrested for their beliefs, or even better, shot in the streets?

This would be tragic if were not so funny. No, no. It would be funny if it were not so tragic. Brainwashing? Blaming losses on the media? Someone needs a tin foil hat. As for the shot in the streets thing, how soon can you get here, doll?

Sadly enough perhaps the only salvation and hope left for this country is for Herr Bush and his thugs to invade Iraq. Hopefully, that will blow up in his face and we can get back on track again...blockquote>

Oh, so now it would be ok to invade a country and kill innocents as long as it benefits you in the end? Hypocrite.

....oh and by the way - a little note to the repug cretins - all the guns in the world wont help you if they do decide to take you away. I do hope though that they shoot you with your favourite weapon - isnt that a wonderful way to go?

And if your only means of fighting is with ignorance and stupidity, wouldn't it be lovely if that's what kicks your ass into the afterlife someday?

I am seriously thinking about becoming a Kiwi or an Aussie. I wonder what the girls look like in New Zeland. I know they have a lot of nice looking girls in Australia.

Nope, too easy.

I don't mind good discourse, but where is old-fashioned civility. How can you change anyone's mind or get them to see your point of view if they decide suddenly to change the subject when the question goes too deep?

Or, conversely, how do you have a free exchange of ideas when people with opposing views are banned from your message boards?

This horse can't be ridden. These Republicans will find themselves on the back of a powerful pony that jumps and kicks and bites, and even their bravest clowns are going to be running for the fences.

10-1 odds this guy makes his living as a rodeo clown.

I could do this all day. But a person has to eat at some point.

question of the day

question of the day...

Ok, one from the sordid mailbag today:

Dear Michele,

Would you have sex with me? Please?

Frank the Cheetah

Dear Frank,

Please send your credentials including, but not limited to, penis size, relevant experience, fetishes, a clean bill of health, a list of previous partners, a description of your pain threshold, a picture of you wearing a rubber suit, a picture of you in a dress, stockings and high heels, two forms of ID, and your social security number.

Oh, and NO.


hands on your head and spread 'em

hands on your head and spread 'em

The Rueters headline reads:

Republicans Seize Control of Congress

I had this vision of an army of Vast Right Wing Conspirators marching into Congress with machine guns and hand grenades and taking control.


To grasp suddenly and forcibly; take or grab
To grasp with the mind;
To have a sudden overwhelming effect
To take into custody; capture.
To take quick and forcible possession of; confiscatealso seise (sz)
To put (one) into possession of something.

Ok. Seize it is.

run away!

run away!

From Indymedia:

The wartime politics of the Administration have proved effective in distracting the voters from the dismal economic conditions in America. In almost every other case, the party of the President loses in off-term elections, particularly when the economy is bad. In this case, it appears that the Madison Avenue-driven war campaign has succeeded in reframing the debate onto grounds that Republicans found electorally fertile. It also appears that Democrats who ignored their political base and cast a 'Yes' vote on war in Iraq have not benefited by their votes.

The far left is blaming the sweeping victories of the Republican party on the Republican campaign.

How about blaming the non-campaign of the Democratic party? Every article I read from the left leads me to believe that leftists are in a state of denial.

I'm waiting for one of these lefty sites to have a headline that says "Democrats Screwed Their Constituents By Acting Like Assholes And Running Shitty Campaigns" rather than "Republicans Have Taken Over The World!! Run Away! Run Away!"

Make no mistake. The results of this election speak one thing very clear and very loud: Saddam is a dead man. The people have spoken and they have voted for war.

there's got to be a morning after

there's got to be a morning after...

I made ten VRWC ID cards so far. For the people who have emailed me this morning wanting cards, you will have to be patient as I don't have Photoshop here at work. And there are only so many miracles you can work with MS Paint.

I still haven't figured out what the Dems' platform was. Looking back now, there was no cohesiveness to their campaign and that lost the Dems a lot of voters.

In my specific polling district in Nassau County, Democrats usually prevail. This time, Pataki ruled with flying colors. McCall and Golisano were abandoned at the polling booth. In fact, Pataki crossed over so well that there were several Dems standing on the stage with him when he made his victory speech, slapping backs and glad handing.

Like many other people, I think the bad taste left by the Wellstone aftermath made a lot of borderline voters swing to the right side.

I think this is where it gets ugly. The accusations and conspiracy theories and claims of voter fraud will begin. Babs will claim that the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy coalition was out killing registered Democrats in their sleep. Noam and Moore will look for "root causes" as to the collapse of the anti-Republican movement.

The more things change......

one for the road

one for the road...

CNN is showing Coleman as the winner in Minnesota. I do believe that vulgar display of "mourning" had a lot to do with Mondale losing.

One email note, from a slew of emails I received this morning: Just because I lean more towards the right than the left in some issues, does not mean I lean that way on all issues. Not every person who is pro-war or anti-gun control is a pro-life, anti-gay religious nut. For the record, I am staunchly pro-choice, I am an atheist and see my first post today for a glimps at where I stand on gay issues. My friend Shel doesn't call me "fag hag" for nothing, you know.

Yes, that was the equivelant of saying "but some of my best friends are gay!" Actually, I just wanted to give Shel a little plug because he's run into a string of bad health luck lately.

More on the email and the Wellstone factor later. Time to hit the road.

just a thought...

Just a thought..

I'm going to miss those phone calls from the President imploring me to vote.

I'm going to miss seeing Tom Golisano's floating head in my dreams at night.

I'm not going to miss the endless stream of paper junk mail from candidates claiming that they are earth-friendly.

I'm not going to miss the red, white and blue lawns signs decorating my neighborhood like the Fourth of July.

I'm not going to miss the mud-slinging, slanderous, nasty ads on the radio.

The end of Election Day signals one very important thing to me; I better start Christmas shopping.

What do you all want?

retain, reject, recount

retain, reject, recount

I woke up at 4am like a kid on Christmas morning. I couldn't wait to see what was under my Election Day tree.

Oh, presents! Not the least of which is the Seventh Edition of the Carnival of the Vanities.

Best present: Republicans take over Senate and keep the House.

It looks like I will keep both my bosses for at least another year - recounts and absentee ballots notwithstanding. I don't mean to sound gleeful over their losses but they are still judges and I can't feel that awful knowing that my work environment won't be in a state of upheaval like I feared.

I was a little disappointed in some of the local races; my loathing of Eliot Spitzer is rivaled only by my loathing of Carolyn McCarthy and they both won soundly.

In some of the races I was following in other states, Florida voted to restrict indoor smoking, Arizona voted against the use of medical marijuana, and Nevada, the state where you can get married to a drunken hooker at 3am in a ceremony performed by JoJo the dog-faced wonder boy, has voted to keep the ban on gay marriages.

A side note on my feelings regarding states not recognizing gay marriages: Don't stand around being all holier-than-thou because you are progressive enough to legislate against "hate crimes," including bias crimes against gays. If you do that and then vote to ban gay marriages you are being hypocritcal fools talking out of both sides of your mouth. How can you say that discrimination against people for being gay is wrong, but then draw up a legislation basically declaring that being gay and in love with someone enough to marry them is wrong?

Anyhow, Carnahan is gone and California voted to retain the guy who almost ruined them.

I do believe that Terry McAuliffe may be the Dem's fall guy. I have a feeling he's sharpening his pencil and pulling out the classified ads right about now.

It's only 5am here, so a lot of the online newspapers haven't updated their pages yet to include cries of racism, coercion, underhanded electioneering tactics, recounts, attorneys, broken levers, hanging chads and fraudulent voting, or op-eds blaming the VRWC, the decline and fall of western civilization, bad weather, heavy traffic, Boba Fett, soul eaters or John Allen Muhammed.

See this hand waving back and forth? That's me waving buh-bye to Tom Daschle's ego.

Look for an empowered Bush administration to submit a new resolution on Iraq to the U.N. today.

Both Patrick Ruffini and Stephen Green did a bang-up job reporting on the races, as did Emily and Juan, who both outdrank and outlasted me.

And Kathy Kinsley has this to say about the election results:

I hope you Republican politicians will keep in mind that a lot of people held their noses to vote because of the war on terrorism. It doesn't mean we want you in our bedrooms, ok?

Nicely worded, Kathy.

There's a whole lot more to report on and I'll be doing it all day.

November 05, 2002

blah blah blah


18,614 voted for Traficant. What the hell are they smoking in that state? Can I get some?

Well, my election night coverage has sucked and I'm sorry for that. I was distracted by the margaritas and Justin's constant suggestion that my urge to smoke could be cured by just "putting something else" in my mouth.

My election coverage hasn't been the only thing that sucked tonight.

I'm giving up the tequila for a while. This post may disappear in the morning when I get up and say "holy shit, did I write that?"

Carry on, Juan and Emily and Stephen who isn't really drunk. I have failed you. I go to box. Feel much shame.

I can't seem to stop typing. I'm even quoting Slapshot now.

Stacy is kicking ass with the commentary tonight.

Hopefully by the time I get up tomorrow the country will have tilted to the right a bit. And I will still have the same bosses as I did yesterday. And I will have grown five inches and lost 20 lbs.

My god, somebody shut me up, please.

Now, go vote for leader of the entire free and almost-free world. BRAAAAAAK!

And I will return all emails tomorrow.

Oh, GOP in da hizzouuuuuuuuuuuseeeeeee!

it's 11pm, do you know who your goveror is?

Emily, Stephen and Juan are all doing a great job of not only getting drunk with me, but keeping everyone posted on the great races.

Stephen is the only one who has showed no signs of blatant alcohol abuse yet. I think he's faking it.

New York City Dems are none too happy tonight, and it looks like they may want Hillary to step in and take a bigger role in the future.

Whatever, just keep her away from the White House.

With 55% reporting, it looks like both my judges may still be my bosses come January. But I'm not etching anything in stone yet. We have had a few years at the courthouse where recounts were held over and over again. Two years ago we had a fiasco of major proportions - I hope like hell we don't run into that scenario again.


10% of precincts reporting:

George E. Pataki (R) 203,801 50
H. Carl McCall (D) 117,564 29
B. Thomas Golisano (I) 76,930 19

8% of precincts reporting:

U.S. House
District 4, New York

Carolyn McCarthy (D) 3,370 60
Marilyn F. O'Grady (G) 2,261 40

Attorney General
New York

Eliot L. Spitzer (D) 410,975 65 (declared winner)
Dora Irizarry (R) 196,155 31

U.S. Senate
New Jersey

3,587 out of 6,264 precincts reporting (57 percent)


Time out. I need a shower.

I think you do, too.

man of the house

I know what we can do while we are waiting for results. Let's have a pretend election.

Ruler of the Entire Free World and Parts of the Unfree World Also:

Space Ghost
Darth Vader
Milk and Cheese
Optimus Prime

Choose wisely. Your future depends on it.

I'm out of limes.

difficult choice


This is the race I'm watching. It is absolutely of no interest to you.

Judge Moser is one of my bosses. Judge Marks is not my boss, but I work with him, I admire and respect him, and I have a great working relationship with him.

Judge Moser is a great judge. His background is in Family Court and he completely deserves to win this as much as Judge Marks does. Which leaves me torn.

Judge Marks' term in District Court is up. If he loses this election, his judgeship is over. Judge Moser is in his second year in District Court. If he loses this election, he remains a District Court judge. If he wins, I lose the best boss I ever had.

This is why I spent so much time in the voting booth today.

More margaritas, please.

I gave up on the titles again. Too much thinking involved.

Anticipating the end, losing the will to fight

Anticipating the end, losing the will to fight


This is only about 2% of the precincts reporting, but one would think that Golisano should have taken the strong-armed hints to drop from the race and back McCall. As it is, he stands to get wiped into oblivion in this race.

All his ads made reference to the fact that he took no money from special interest groups to fund his campaign. I'm sure he wishes that weren't so true right now.

It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win

It's magic, it's tragic, it's a loss, it's a win

So riddle me this, Batman.

In Nevada, you can be drunk off your ass and get married.

In Nevada, you can meet a hooker and marry her five minutes later.

In Nevada, you can get married by Flying Elvi.

In Nevada, you can meet a drunk, legalized hooker and within ten minutes marry her in front of ten midget showgirls and a Jim Morrison look-alike, all officiated by a woman in a lion suit.

But in Nevada, they don't want you to marry a person you are in love with and committed to if that person is of the same sex as you.

I think someone has thier priorities waaaaaaay screwed up.

2 shots, 4 margaritas, taking a coffee break.

anyone getting the theme of the titles yet?

Because the plot thickens every day

Because the plot thickens every day

My local news is incredibly slow with the early returns.

So far Bush and Lautenberg have been declared winners. No word yet on whether Al Gore is going to claim ownership to Jeb's win.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day. Let Mr. Fawkes be a lesson to you who would like to take part in a political uprising. That lesson being, don't bother with gunpowder. Go for the big stuff.

Oh, and Pitt Stop.

The null of losing

The null of losing

I wonder how a guy like Carl McCall gets up in front of his backers and with a straight face says "Are you ready to win!?!"

I'm not saying anything against McCall here, so don't get your panties in a wad. I'm just wondering how it feels to stand up there and fake a smile and do the cheerleader thing when you know you are staring defeat in the face.

It's kind of sad, is all.

i count the hours, i count the days

I count the hours, and I count the days

I went up to the school and conducted a few impromptu interviews with voters who had just completed their civic duty. I was hoping to get a feel for the flow of the votes, to take the pulse of the beating heart that is the life force of American Democracy. Or something like that.

Me: Sir, is there anything you would like to say about this election?
Man: I.Though.Al.Gore.Was.Running.

Me: Hey, you! How did it go in there?
Lady2: They had rugelah at the bake sale! And brownies! And cookies! Oh god, where did I park?

Me: Sir, do you have any thoughts on this election?
Mullet Guy: It's all about the oooooooooiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllll.

mum.jpgMe: Excuse me, Ma'm! Who did you vote for?
Lady: Oh, that Ronald Reagan is such a nice fellow.

So basically, the pulse of America has stopped beating. It's just laughing now. A cackling, croaky laugh.

drink count: 1 shot tequila, 2 margaritas

make your own exit poll

make your own exit poll

No exit polls!

I'll make my own up. As a matter of fact, I'm going to run down to the local voting place and start interviewing people. I'll have the Small Victory/Parkway School Exit Poll. Very scientific, very accurate. I promise.

I wonder if FoxNews would be interested in my interviews.

A drink needs me

A drink needs me

I'm ready to go.

I am going to match Juan Gato drink for drink tonight as I post. I figure there's enough people in the blogosphere making serious posts and predictions, and while I will start off serious, I don't know where it will end up. So welcome to the first annual Exit Poll Bowl. I hear that Stephen and Emily will be blogging in a similar vein. That is to say, drunk.

I'm hearing about voting problems in Texas, Florida, Michigan, Colorado and New Jersey, among other places. This could mean that final results are a long, long time away. I smell the attorneys from here.

First things first. In the post below, the note does say erection. Thank you. And I brought the titles back, though there will be a running theme through them. And I've made about five VRWC ID cards already. If you want one, email me.

Report from my sister, who is working the election today, is one word: messy. Our congressional districts were realigned this year and new voting cards were never sent out. No one knows where to go or what line to stand on or why they aren't in the books. This has made for long lines, a lot of aggravation and word-of-mouth causing people to just stay home.

happy erection day

Today is my parent's 41st anniversary.

This is the card my dad put on the flowers he gave my mother:


Now you know where I get it from.

oh, the humanity

I've got a house full of video-game playing, wall-smashing, bed-jumping, Taco-Bell eating, rambunctious, obnoxious boys. Only one of which belongs to me.

I'll be back at 7pm (EST) with a full slate of early returns, opinions, news, links, etc.

Wish me luck.

ashes to ashes

Just in case you need something to do while you are waiting for election results and the inevitable declaration that those results are bogus, there's a pretty firey thread of comments going on in this post about the six terrorists that were turned to ash yesterday.

On a completely different note, should I go back to putting titles on the posts? Did you even notice I didn't bother with them today? Does it make any difference at all? What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Election Day 2002: 3pm

I know a lot of you have arrived here from Daily Pundit looking for election updates. There's not a whole lot to tell right now, but I promise that I will be non-stop blogging tonight as the results start coming in.

Election results, margaritas and lots of antagonistic bitching. Stay tuned.

smoke or kill

Today is day nine without a cigarette.

I am about to break. The craving is so bad and the agitation from not smoking that's building up is so tense that I am having hallucinations of biting someone's head off.

Smoke or kill. Smoke or kill. Smoke or kill.

Too bad that wasn't on the ballot today.

raising hell: ovaries

While you were electing, I was digging through my archives for some fresh material for Raising Hell. I found it.


Back off my ovaries, bitch!

election 2002

Blogging the Elections:

Mike has a kick-ass collection of quotes amassing on his site today.

Bill Quick has an updated list of bloggers talking local elections.

Patio Pundit has his election picks up, in handy-dandy chart form!

I will stop
I will stop at nothing
Say the right things
When electioneering
I trust I can rely on your vote

When I go forwards you go backwards and somewhere we will meet
-Radiohead, Electioneering

election 2002

From VOXNYC: Florida Election Fraud

Scores and scores of reports are accumulating in the early hours of the Florida Governor’s race, indicating widescale election fraud and election rigging. Callers are reporting to the popular Florida radio talk show, The Neil Rodgers Show that when they selected McBride, Bushes , the machines instead registered a vote for Bush. Widescale voting fraud was also reported in Orange, Brevard and Seminole counties.

A search through Florida newspapers and television stations online found no story reporting any such thing. As a matter of fact, I found this poll at Florida's NewsChannel2: flavote.gif

I guess while I'm waiting for something of interest to happen in the New York polls, I'll search around for interesting stories in other states. Or non-stories, as they may be.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
-- George Jean Nathan (1882-1958)

election 2002

See Daily Pundit for a list of bloggers covering the elections in your area


I just did my civic duty. I think that was the longest time I ever spent in a voting booth. But I came away from the polling place not only with a sense of pride, but with a pumpkin pie and a tray of chocolate chip cookies. What a country!

Create your own election scorecard at CNN to keep tabs on the races you are interested in.

To make democracy work, we must be a notion of participants, not simply observers. One who does not vote has no right to complain.
* Louis L'Amour

how about a poll up your ass?

Speaking of voting, my lead is dwindling! You can vote FIVE times on every computer you can get your grubby little hands on! I don't know what Spoons is doing to get this sudden surge, but you can bet your ass if he wins I am going to have a gaggle of lawyers standing at the voting booth the second the election ends. I will drag this out for months if I have to. Go vote for me. Do it for my children, who will surely suffer my blood thirsty wrath if I lose me lead. Do it for the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Do it in the name of freaky sex! Do it in the name of rock and roll! JUST DO IT!

how about a poll up your ass?

This is the poll that CNN put up today in regards to the killing of the USS Cole murderer:


Did they have a poll up the day after the Cole bombing asking if Abu Ali was right in killing innocent people in the name of his jihad?

Here's my poll: Are the people at CNN.com out of their minds?

election day coverage

election day coverage

9:37am: I just checked in with my sister, who is working the polls today. She said voter turnout is heavier than she has seen it in years. It's unusual for her to have already hit 100 voters at her table alone this hour of the morning. This pop-up has the party breakdown for my county:

This county used to be a giant GOP machine. Things have changed dramatically in the past few years.

New York Election Day Coverage: Sources

List of all House races in NY. (I'm in the 4th District)

Newsday - complete election coverage
News 12: Long Island coverage; New York Governor race coverage

At VoteNassau.com, you can get election coverage, financial records of candidates, sample ballots and a precinct finder.

I'll be adding news, sources and items of interest here as the day progresses.

Patrick Ruffini will use his blog as an Election Day hotline. Check back there frequently.

Bloggers doing election coverage, listed by state.

running for their lives

running for their lives

I've been too busy being busy to worry much about how the election results will change things for me.

This is always an interesting time of year at my job. I am a secretary to three judges. In New York, judges are elected to their positions (unless they are filling a mid-term vacancy, then they are appointed and have to run in the next election to keep the position). So each year at this time, the courthouse is filled with tension and anxiety. Some judges who are running for positions in higher courts can relax a bit; if they don't win, they still retain their position in the district court. Other judges are running for their lives.

Two of my three judges are in a race today. One is on the ballot for County court, the other for Family court. They both deserve the positions they are running for. They are fair, honest and devoted to their work.

However, if they do win I will be left without two of the greatest bosses I have ever had in my entire working career. So (even though they don't read this - at least not that I'm aware of) I want to wish them luck. But I'm doing it with my fingers crossed behind my back. I'm selfish like that.

I'll be keeping track of the elections here, mostly the race for NY Governer and some local races that have no interest to anyone reading this besides me.

Just a little side note: Who has the best record in the NFL? That's right. The Packers.

November 04, 2002

rise, ghosts of war

rise, ghosts of war

Yes, I feel gratified. Why do you ask?

The United States killed six suspected al Qaeda members in Yemen Monday morning, including the man wanted in the bombing of the USS Cole, with a Hellfire missile fired from an unmanned CIA drone at the car in which they were traveling, sources told CNN.

Memories Can't Ignore
Anguish Of Before
Satisfy The Score
Rise Ghosts Of War

- Slayer, Ghosts of War

There ain't no need for ya
Go straight to hell boys

- Clash, Straight to Hell

i'm a paine in the ass

i'm a paine in the ass

I'd say that's a pretty fair assessment of me.

One of my personal heroes is from the same era, but not a founding father. Not that it has anything to do with this post, I just can't resist a chance to talk aboutEthan Allen (not the furniture guy).

7-0 Packers.

link via News Portal

best of the worst

best of the worst

Time to lay off the politics tonight, as I will probably be doing a lot on that subject tomorrow.

You had my best, now try the rest. The 50 25 Worst Movies of all Time: Subject to change without notice, in no particular order..

1. Kazaam
2. Air Bud, Seventh Inning Fetch
3. Jeepers Creepers
4. Bicentennial Man
5. Battlefield Earth
6. 3,000 Miles to Graceland
7. Planet of the Apes (remake)
8. Castaway
9. Pearl Harbor
10. Waterworld
11. Bull Durham
12. Dances with Wolves
13. The Bodyguard
14. Little Nicky
15. Volcano
16. Indecent Proposal
17. Pootie Tang
18. The Talented Mr. Ripley
19. Dude, Where's My Car
20. Freddie Got Fingered
21. Eyes Wide Shut
22. Baby Geniuses
23. Anaconda
24. Stop or My Mom Will Shoot
25. Soul Man

Ok, enough. I have to go eat something. It's 9pm and all I've had today is 11 cups of coffee and four glazed donuts.

Finish the list for me please? Thanks.

p.s. I'll be viewing this for the rest of the evening. Hold all my calls, please. flaghead.gif

word of the day

word of the day

11 arrested at U.N.:

Eleven activists with local anti-war group No Blood for Oil were arrested outside of the United Nations today while trying to hand deliver a letter to the UN Secretary General Kofi Annan. Signed by 1,300 people from around the world, the letter calls upon Annan to uphold the principles of peace upon which the UN was founded. Originally sent last month, no reply or acknowledgment to the letter was ever received.

May I offer a word to the 1,300 people who signed the letter?

Unrelated to the matter being considered.
Synonyms: extraneous, immaterial, impertinent

This applies to both the letter and the U.N.

You may move on now.

on the lighter side: movies

Don't forget, that "spiteful little contest" to vote for the most blood thirsty war hawk is still going on, and I, the supreme ruler of all things vile and contemptable, have a huge lead. You owe it to yourself to check out the poll's message board. Rated V for Violence.

on the lighter side: movies

*recently updated* - I told you it was subject to change at whim. My rule is I have to take one off for every one I remember that I should have added on.

John and Laurence did it and I can sure use a little light hearted posting around here.

My Top 50 Movies of All Time - In no particular order and subject to change without notice: (I didn't put links in yet [except for one], I'll do that when I get home)

1. Lord of the Rings
2. Empire Strikes Back
3. Star Wars
4. Akira
5. Battle Royale*
6. Dead Alive
7. Cemetery Man
8. Evil Dead
9. Army of Darkness
10. Evil Dead 2
11. Slapshot
12. Braveheart The Crow
13. Donnie Darko
14. Titus
15. Dead Again
16. The Godfather
17. Goodfellas Return of the Jedi**
18. Apocalypse Now
19. Fight Club
20. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
21. My Neighbor Totoro
22. The Music Man
23. West Side Story
24. The Professional (Leon)
25. True Romance
26. Toy Story
27. Shrek
28. Princess Bride
29. Terminator 2
30. Amelie
31. This is Spinal Tap
32. Dog Day Afternoon
33. Clerks
34. Die Hard
35. Nightmare Before Christmas
36. Edward Scissorhands
37. A Christmas Story
38. Reservoir Dogs
39. Planet of the Apes (original)
40. Jaws
41. Young Frankenstein
42. Hedwig and the Angry Inch From Dusk Til Dawn
43. Dawn of the Dead
44. Twelve Monkeys
45. Fifth Element
46. A River Runs Through It
47. Willie Wonka
48. Se7en
49. Snatch
50. Muppet Movie

*If you have never seen/heard of this movie, make sure you go out and rent it. Violent, gory and shocking, it's the perfect movie for the discriminating blood-thirsty person.

** This, in spite of the damn Ewoks.

Ravenwood has his worst movies ever up. I'll get to that later.

letters to the clueless

letters to the clueless

I composed an email I am sending to Rachel Elbaum, author of the biased article I posted about this morning. The four websites listed at the end were chosen totally by random. If you would like to add your site or another site to this list, please let me know in the comments. I am headed out to get something really greasy and bad for me for lunch. I'll be emailing the letter when I get back.

Dear Ms. Elbaum,

I write this regarding your article “Iraq Debate Plays Out Online.”

In this article, you link to three anti-war sites and not one site with an opposing point of view. You interview two people who run anti-war sites but not one person who has a site that takes a pro-defense stance.

If this debate is playing out online, as your title suggests, you do not show it at all. The only reference you give to “pro-invasion” sites is to say, “There is a pro-invasion presence on the Net, but it is much smaller and exists mainly on message boards and in chat rooms..”

Had you attempted to do any research on this, rather than submit an obviously biased article, you could have come up with many “pro-invasion” sites. In fact, a quick search on Google would have landed you at sites like Andrew Sullivan or Bill Quick’s Daily Pundit.

To give play to sites like Answer and Move On,and virtually ignoring any websites on the opposite side of the fence, you give your piece a decidedly leftist and biased slant.

Perhaps I could be of assistance to you and offer you a list of sites - besides message boards and chat rooms - all maintained by intelligent, knowledgeable people, to show you that a pro-invasion stance is loud and clear and plentiful on the internet.

Cold Fury
Little Green Footballs
Right Wing News
Steven Denbeste

*I'll add on as many websites as necessary. Not that it will make a difference, but I will feel better for at least attempting to enlighten the author.

go forth and ping

Go make Laurence a god. Get the vote out.

go forth and ping

Your blogging tips, tricks and commands of the day:

1. If you aren't pinging Weblogs.com, why not? It's nice when I look over at my blogroll and see all those *hot* blogs, letting me know which site has fresh content at a glance. I'm at work, here. I can't spend my entire day clicking through sites to see who has updated. I have to actually do some work in between my blog reading! You trying to get me fired? Go to Weblogs.com right now and register your blog and save my job!

2(a): Are you using blogrolling.com to manage your links? Well, you should be. Not only is it infinitely easier to do than going into your template and handcoding links every time you want to add or delete or someone changes their URL, but it is idiot-proof also. Just add the "blogroll this" gizmo to your toolbar and your link list will grow by the thousands will relative ease!

(b) If you are using blogrolling, I ask a favor of you. I like to look at my referrer stats at least 200 50 10 times a day to see where my visitors are coming from. If you are using blogrolling, then my referrer stats will just show this really long URL that will lead me to your bloglist. But I still have no idea who you are or where your blog/site is located, or if one of your visitors happened to come here from there. (Try to stay with me here, ok?)

So what I did was this; I blogrolled myself. If you look at the top of both my blogrolls, you will see it says "me." This way, when my blogroll URL shows up in someone's stats and they click on it and get my list, they just have to click on the "me" link to see where the visitor came from. You get to visit my site, I get to visit yours and we can start up a mutual admiration society.

That did make sense, right?

Now ping me, baby.

(the preceding were not paid advertisements. If they were, I would have been more forceful about it)

nope, no media bias here

nope, no media bias here

Found over at The Imperial Emperor's place:

MSNBC:The anti-administration, anti-war presence on the Web is overwhelming. Type in any term dealing with Saddam Hussein, Iraq or regime change, and hundreds of listings will pop up — on message boards and Web sites and in news stories.

There is a pro-invasion presence on the Net, but it is much smaller and exists mainly on message boards and in chat rooms.

I think I will send the author, Rachel Elbaum an email. Apparently she got sucked in by the left-wing vortex when she went to the Answer site and she returned with her research skills all but gone. Unless, of course, her goal in writing this piece was not to say "Where are pro-war sites?" but to say "Hey, look at these big giant anti-war sites, everyone! Hear our voice!" And then she would nervously cough and say "Oops, did I say our?. I meant their. I am completely unbiased." Of course you are, Rachel. Rachel manages, in a story called "Iraq debate plays out online" to link to three anti-war sites and not one site with an opposing point of view. Debate? Where?

I bet within five minutes any one of you could come up with at least one website that the author could have linked to in order to make the article not lean so far to the left that it's about tip over. So there's your challenge. Help me create a list of links I can send to her in the email I'm composing. Leave the links in the comments.

last word on this subject

just last word on this subject

Note to "Endive*," who made the first entry in his/her blog a missive to yours truly -

Bite me, assclown.

I would have sent that in a private email or left a comment, but - like a typical coward who can dish it out but can't take it - neither option is available.

Oh, and before you went on your little rant there, Endive, you should have checked with both parties. Apologies were issued and the past is behind us. Thanks for your conern, though. It's truly touching.

As for "Maybe if she'd just kept that in mind when she read the original delinking, we'd all be blissfully unaware of her hypocritical ravings, and her tit-flashing for popularity in this spiteful little contest," how about you just not read it, you dumb fucknozzle? But thanks for the linkage, the attention and more hits. You're a doll.

I'm done with this. I swear, this is the last entry you will see on the subject, unless I kill someone over it, and then only if the state prison has internet access.

*en-dive: A variety of the common chicory Cichorium intybus cultivated to produce a narrow, pointed, blanched cluster of leaves used in salads. Or, see here.

countdown to the recount

countdown to the recount

This year's election campaigns will go down as one of the most sordid, self-indulgent, nasty, embarassing juvenile campaigns ever.

I'm not just talking about New York races, but the country-wide. One of the news channels last night ran a piece on this year's campaign ads. There was nothing but mud-slinging, exaggerations, outright lies and immature name calling. Sure, it's just like any other year. But there seems to have been a blatant meanness to it this year, a sharpening of the knives, not to mention the whole memorial-service-as-politcal-rally thing.

Perhaps I am just more aware of it now. I watch more news than I ever have before; probably because there are more news channels available than ever before. Certainly being a part of the blogosphere has made my awareness of campaigns in other states rise. I can just go through my blogroll and and find the ugly details of political ads and backstabbing in almost every state.

The phone calls also seem more rampant this year. Every hour the phone will ring, an over-excited recorded voice on the other end implores me to vote this way or that, to support this person's issues, to do it For The ChildrenTM, do it for the future of all mankind.

It used to be I would just get these calls from some poor campaign worker who was sitting in a stuffy office with the party's roll book, calling each person and giving them a pre-written speech about the Importance of Voting. Now it's recorded messages that you can't hang up on, and they cross all party and issue lines. I got calls from the pro-life and pro-choice people. I got calls from both Marilyn O'Grady and Carolyn McCarthy. Hell, even President George W. Bush himself called me last night, telling me to get the vote out.

We've reached new lows here in New York. People are stealing campaign lawn signs. We had one guy in court two weeks ago, a grown man accused of running through the neighborhood stealing signs supporting democrats off of private property. A few days ago, a democratic party worker was accused of doing the same things to republican signs.

And then there's Tom Galisano, a man who claims to want to "cut the fat" in spending yet has no idea how to spend his own money. In fact, he spent 1.5 million dollars to air a two minute speech on television yesterday (CNN, ABC, NBC) to announce that - two days before the election - he was still in the race. Can you imagine? A man who wants to deal with fiscal responsibility spends over one million dollars on an "unprecedented" address concerning the "future of his campaign for governor" which did nothing but say "I was running yesterday and I'm still running today. Look at me wasting my money while you poor suckers try to figure out a way to both make your car payment and eat!"

Democrat Carl McCall's campaign was hoping that Golisano would announce he was dropping his bid to become governer and throwing his weight (and his money) behind McCall. This would in effect give McCall the Independent vote. That's if the independent voters decided to actually come out and vote or would just throw in the towel like Golisano and stay home. The point is moot now, as Golisano's bizzare, ultra-rich campaign moves onward into Election Day. You would think that with all the money this man has, he could have come up with a better commercial than the one that plays out on my television every half hour or so. The ad shows him from the waist up and he is wearing a black suit and the background is black, causing him to look like a floating head. At first I thought it was an ad for a politically-themed haunted house.

Meanwhile, Pataki has a 16% lead over McCall and not one person I've spoken to in the last few days can say exactly what this election is about. The issues remain unclear; any public statements by either McCall or Pataki have been laden with rhetoric. Personally, I would prefer that a candidate, when asked how they are going to handle education or the state budget, would answer with more than a "make it better." So far, with 24 hours to go before the polls open here in New York, I still don't know what any of the candidates will do to implement the "make it better" solution.

48 hours from now, it will all be over save for the lawyers and recounts. I will be able to safely answer my phone again, I will receive 1/3 less junk mail and I will be able to turn on the television without seeing Tom Galisano's disembodied head.

November 03, 2002

who has my pillow?

who has my pillow?

Home Movies is the funniest show on tv. Sunday nights, 10pm (EST), Cartoon Newtork. Watch it. There will be a quiz this time next week.

I'm going to bed. Behave. I don't want to see any orgies or knife fights in my comments when I get up in the morning.

nicotine fit: day 7

nicotine fit: day 7

I consider myself a fair person. So in fairness, I will tell you that the person that started the whole "delinking affair" has apologized to me.

That's no longer the problem. The problem is the fallout. Judging from my email there are several (about 15) people who have taken it upon themselves to come here and scrutinize everything I say, and then go post on their own blogs what a nasty, uncaring vile creature I am.

Guess what? I am a nasty, vile creature when forced to be. I'm tired of politcal correctness. I'm tired of having to check and recheck and edit and re edit every god damn thing I write just to make sure that some .0001% of the population was not offended by it. Perhaps if that 1/8 of a person was offended, it was because they were supposed to be.

This is a personal space. I use it to vent and rage and hopefully make other people think as well as laugh. If I hate a certain band or love a certain politician or think a specific law is assinine, I am going to say so. I'm not going to mince my words just so you feel better about my opinions. I have never been one to hold back or walk on eggshells.

Instead, I will offer some advice to those of you who come here looking for my supposed "self-obsessed, lunatic vitriol" and my "psychotic insults.": Get a life. If you have nothing better to do than skim through someone's website 14 times a day looking for a word here or there to use against me in some kind of internet witch hunt, you must be seriously lacking in the social department. Get out of your mother's basement and out into the fresh air. Make a friend. Read a newspaper. Go out and do something interesting so you can write about things other than what someone else is doing with their time. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you know that if you insist on coming back here, you will be insulted. You will be offended. You will be jealous of the fact that I can manage to do this several times a day and still have a pretty full life outside of my computer while you can't manage to scrape your ass off your chair for more than five minutes at a time.

Stick around all you want; I'm not about to start blocking IPs. But don't bother sending me your juvenile, grammatically challenged, threatening or just plain simple-minded emails. And don't make me unleash the dogs of hell on you by directing people to your petty little blog.

Somebody get me a cigarette. Now.

through the turnstiles

through the turnstiles

*UPDATE* We have a winner! Diana will receive some sort of prize. I haven't determined just what yet. Thanks for playing! Stay tuned for the 200K contest.

*UPDATE 2*There seems to be something screwy with sitemeter. Diana, Bill and Kymberlie (see comments) all seemed to get 10,001. I say we make the three beautiful women (yes, Bill is a sexy woman) wrestle in mud or jello for the prize.

I added a Sitemeter stats program on here last week. Tuesday, October 29, to be exact. That's about five days. In those five days so far, Sitemeter has counted 9,582 visitors, for an average of 1,349 visitors a day. The old odometer will hit 10,000 pretty soon.

10,000 visitors in 5 or 6 days is a pretty nifty thing for me. In honor of this most auspicious event, I could throw a party or hire a band or perform a lap dance for Stacy and Dan (who called me from a strip bar last night to talk politics!), but I won't. I'll just give away a prize to the 10,000th visitor.

Just take a screen shot (the counter is at the very bottom of the page) and either send it to me or post it in the comments of this entry. Leave an email address and/or URL. Prize will be determined after I see who the winner is. NO PRIZE AWARDED WITHOUT SCREENSHOT. In the event that the 10,000th person is unaware of the contest (say he's a googler looking for "spit or swallow" for which I am number one!!) I'll take the closest person after 10,000 to post a screenshot.

I'm also going to have a similar contest when the sitemeter hits 200,000 (that's in a year - I didn't have a counter before I moved to this URL last October). It's at 186,324, so we'll discuss that when it gets closer.

Happy clicking and no cutting!

on with the blood thirsty gratuitious porn

on with the blood thirsty gratuitious porn

I've been slacking in my Blood Thirsty Hawk competion whoring. That's ok. My people are out there, whoring for me. A little something for everyone.



Don't forget Todd and Robyn are imploring you to vote for me as well. Pay no attention to those who make their own attempts at gratuitious semi-porn. I mean...a leg? You can do better than that!

maybe i really ampart of the conspiracy

maybe i really ampart of the conspiracy

Found over at Daily Pundit

After testing one of Clifford’s wave-piercing cats, the Army decided to lease another in late September, a big boost for his bottom line. But Clifford was told modifications had to be completed and the multimillion-dollar ship had to be ready to sail by Nov. 14. According to Pentagon sources, the reason for that is its destination: the Persian Gulf.

This is why you should come to me for all of your prognostication needs:

click for supersize

(contest held at gamersnook 9/15/02)

Download of the Day: Gwar - Saddam A Go-Go

who moved my cheese

who moved my cheese?

John Allen Muhammed is suspected of plotting to kidnap the Prime Minister of Antigua. Contrary to rumors, he had nothing to do with the attempted kidnapping of Posh Spice.

It seems like every time you turn on the news, Muhammed has been linked to another murder or attempted crime. This opens up a whole new forum for blame, conspiracies and may contribute to the cancellation of "Unsolved Mysteries."

Other things Muhammed may be held accountable for:

  • The disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa, D.B. Cooper and the Lindbergh baby
  • Baby Jessica falling down that well
  • The Bengals 01-7 record
  • The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald
  • He stole the cookies from the cookie jar
  • O.J. will finger him as "the real killer"

Too bad that whole Posh Spice thing didn't work out. Drat! Foiled Again!

step right up and spin the wheel!

Please, go send Meryl some love or chicken soup or stir up some controversy on her behalf. Do it for the children(tm).

step right up and spin the wheel!

Tom Galisano - who as of 8:49 am (EST) is running for governor of New York, announced that he will hold a Very Special Press Conference at 6:28 p.m. today.

The Rochester billionaire would not tip his hand, but his advisers said they were asked to prepare three scripts: one in which he stayed in the race against Gov. George Pataki and McCall, one in which he dropped out and offered his support to McCall, and a third in which he dropped out without endorsing anyone. By afternoon the advisers said they would film two scripts, but would not say what they were.

"I am a candidate for governor for the state, I have been for seven months, I put a lot of effort into it, but there will be a special broadcast tomorrow afternoon at 6:28 p.m.," Golisano said at the outset of a debate on WNBC-TV with McCall yesterday morning in Manhattan. "Everybody tune in at 6:28 tomorrow afternoon." He said to reporters: "If I told you now, it wouldn't be any fun tomorrow."

Fun for whom? For this pompous rich man who is obviously getting off on toying with the public? If we're talking fun, I want to see dancing zebras and high wire acts. Maybe throw in a midget comedian and celebrity look-alike contest.

Fun would not entail dropping Golisano dropping out of the race two days before the election in an effort to give the Democrat party a chance to not appear third on the ballots in the next presidential election. Of course, it would be fun if Golisano wore a funny hat and a clown suit while making the annoucement. Or if he had Hillary tied to the "Wheel of Democracy" and Pataki got to throw Ginsu knives at her while constituents lined up to spin the wheel around.

I wonder if this Very Special Fun Filled Press Conference could be any more "fun" than that dream I had the other day where Golisano legalized marijuana and prostitution.

Probably not.

thoughts on war: notes from a reader

thoughts on war: notes from a reader

Reprinting from an email, with permission, from a person named T. who would prefer I did not use his email address, which is fine with me. This was sent to me in response to the comments on the this post.

I read the responses to you, and there are always those like Barry who insist that you've somehow given up thinking, given your righteousness, if you say, "I've had enough; here's the line, and I will fight before I let them cross it." Answering the Barrys is hard -- they take upon themselves the "right" and "moral" position, and allow no arguments against it. Sadly, their sort isn't new in the world.

I'm an early Boomer baby, not quite old enough to be your father; my own father spent WWII in India, and afterward at the then-advanced age of 28 came home to marry and start a family. Before the War began, he was a Kansas farmboy, son of a lay preacher and very religious. He had been granted conscientious objector status, because he knew he could not kill another human. He was also an isolationist, willing to let those who jointly created the problems deal with them.

Then he watched the newsreels at his hometown cinema, as they showed the Japanese atrocities in the East, and hinted at German atrocities in the West. He watched as long as he could; then he went down to the local recruiter's office and joined the Army. His reasoning was simple: "It finally occurred to me that unless I did something, unless everyone in this nation did something, that it would soon be my father and brothers shot and bayonetted, and my mother and my sisters raped and killed."

As a farm boy, he already knew how to shoot; he trained with weapons in Basic, but he never carried nor fired one in battle. He was home on his final leave on December 7, 1941, when he heard the news about Pearl Harbor on the radio. He spent most of the next four years in India, working as a mechanic; he couldn't bring himself to kill someone, but he pushed his conscience as far as he could and helped maintain the vehicles of those who did fight; his conscience would let him do no less.

His health was ruined in the tropics; I don't think he ever got his weight up to 135 again, and he had recurrent blackouts sometimes lasting days. But he blamed no one: far too many of his childhood friends paid a much higher price than he in that war, even some who managed to come back mostly in one piece. While he raised me and my siblings to hate war and killing, he also raised us to realize that some things are still worse.

It's possible that Barry would stand aside while his wife and children were enslaved, raped or killed, but I doubt it. While he accuses you of a failure of spirit, of laziness in thinking, it is instead he who refuses to truly think. Abstract principles can survive in a classroom, or in times of peace; but reality trumps abstract principles, every time.

I saw this on Glenn Reynold's blog earlier; it showed me yet again how much the last several years have reminded me of the late 30's, and why.

Thank you, T. for sharing you thoughts.

vote as if your future depends on it

vote as if your future depends on it..

because it does.

Two days until Election Day. Are you ready? Have you done your homework? Do you know not only who you are voting for but why you are voting for them?

Dean Esmay on voting:

If you plan on voting Democratic or Republican simply because that's how you always vote, because you figure the Democrats are "nicer" or the Republicans "more patriotic," please stay home on election day.

If you plan on voting against Democrats because you think they're evil Communists who want to destroy every last vestige of freedom in America, please stay home on election day.

If you plan on voting against Republicans because you feel they're racists who want to throw orphans and old people out in the snow while they grind up endangered species for hot dogs, please stay home on election day.

It is not your duty as an American to vote. It's not your job. It is a privilege. As with all privileges, it should not be taken lightly.

All elections are important, but this one even more so. We are on the brink of a great change in this world; the results of this election may dictate whether that change comes sooner or later; whether that change is good or bad.

Voting party line has long been a pet peeve of mine. Just because you are registered with a certain party, does not mean that all the candidates of that party are going to be in line with your ideals. Take the time to research the people running for office. Your local paper should be chock full of information on all the candidates.

Every race is important, not just the big ones. It is as imperative that you use your knowledge to vote for governor of your state as well as councilmen or the legislature or judges.

Research the judges who are running in your area. The judges who sit in your lower courts today are the ones who will be sitting in your higher courts tomorrow, making decisions that could affect you.

I work for the local court system. I am a secretary to three judges, two of whom are running for positions in higher courts on Tuesday.

I've had people call me and say who should I vote for? I don't know who you should vote for because I am not you. Are you pro-life? Anti-gun? Tough on drug offenders? Do you favor rehabilitation over jail sentences? These are all things to think about before you vote for a judicial candidate, even in the local district courts.

People ask about my judges, what they stand for, are they good judges, are they fair judges? Yet when I tell them that one of the judges I work for has, in his two year on the District Court bench, had more decisions published in the Law Journal and State Reporter than all the District Court judges combined, no one has any idea what I'm talking about. They ask if that's a good thing or not. They ask why it matters to them. It matters because every decision matters. You never know when a landlord/tenant ruling will matter to you. You never know when that kid with a rap sheet a mile long will circumvent the system yet again because of a judge's ruling.

What I am saying is every race matters. Not just the big races, the ones you hear about on television, the races with debates and fanfare. The less publicized races matter just as much. Maybe not now, but they will in the future. That person you elect to your legislature today just because he is a Republican/Democrat/Insert Party Here may be your County Executive tomorrow and you will be cursing yourself when he is slashing jobs and cutting senior citizen funding.

Take the time to know who and what you are voting for. And then go out and vote. Pull the levers or punch those ballots with a clear conscience that you made informed choices. Look at the list of candidates and be able to recognize all the names and what they stand for. And realize that the need to look beyond party lines is so very important, because there is an awful lot of backroom wheeling and dealing and compromising that may land some candidates on several different party lines, and he/she may or may not be true to the dictates of all of them.

Learn. Research. Study. Vote.

If you don't vote, don't bitch.


For New York voters:
Find out what Senate or Assembly District you live in.
Congressional District profiles
Election Day checklist
Newsday Voter's Guide

November 02, 2002

my name is michele and....

Don't forget to vote! Here's your incentivefor tonight, courtesy of Tanya. And one for the ladies.

my name is michele and...


Hey, look! I'm a jackass!

catching up and getting out

catching up and getting out

Ok, I hate Wal-Mart. That store seems to attract every leggings-wearing, deodorant-deprived, screeching, curler-haired woman in the vicinity. And they all have kids with home-haircuts who do nothing but scream from the time they enter the store until they leave. I didn't even know there were trailer parks on Long Island.

Anyhow, we did manage to pick up the economy box of tampons as well as a pack of Transformers playing cards with a hologram on the package, and I think I picked up fleas from one of those screaming kids.

This has been an interesting 48 hours to say the least. I've added about 40 blogs to my blogroll today. I deleted only two, at the request of the owners.

It's been exhausting getting through all the comments and email, and I feel bad that I haven' responded to every single one. I'm going to attempt to get to some of them right here.

michele, there is an old/new you, more than most. there is a huge line, you saw it yourself when you pointed out in a recent post (the pic of the angry arab flipping the finger) that there was a turning point....and your direction is your direction. i feel it's a matter of you seeking comfort and security in the absolute us/them thing. since i am firmly convinced there are no absolutes, yes, sometimes it hurts me to read you. i tend to skip those posts and look for the 'old' michele. the one i can read at rhzine and blogcritics. the one that didn't feel the need to slam democrats and liberals (for the record, i'm registered green party).

Well, this is the thing. You didn't seem to mind when I was slamming Republicans and conservatives. And there is no "old" and "new" Michele. I am the person I have always been. I'm sure if I was still doing the old spork routine and making Cheney jokes, you would still be here, laughing along. But as soon as I start bashing on something you like, you are disappointed in me personally and look away in disgust. Whether you admit it or not, you do believe in absolutes. There is your side and their side. Good and bad. You say as much between the lines.

There has been a progressive split between the hawks and the doves, a painful build-up of pressure that should be released somehow (usually by a nice war or two) but just isn't being....You certainly reflect that, while remaining you.

Thank you, D. At least someone recognizes I'm still me. And Optimus Prime and Filler Bunny say hi.

I always found you a bit high-strung -- fury seemed to be a default setting for you, even before your recent "conversion."

The "conversion" wasn't a conversion at all, but a slow awakening to my core beliefs. Yes, I'm high strung. But please remember, this is the space I use to vent and rant. Everything is turned up a notch here because I use it as my therapy. I certainly don't walk around punching old ladies in the head all day. (Aim for the stomach - they react better).

Perhaps the people who are finding it difficult to read perceived liberal bashing will finally understand what it's like to surf through their blogs and read conservative bashing. Really, I have scars from wincing so hard.

It seems to me that the left make a living out of bashing, but accuse the right of being mean spirited and petty when they bash back. It's all rhetoric and answering questions with questions and talk, talk, talk with no action. God forbid the right talks back - the finger wagging begins.

In a world so full of anger and hate and sorrow, to perpetuate such a cycle isn’t something I can watch and support with a link to your site. Take that for whatever value you wish to give it.

I responded to you personally, though I haven't heard back from you. I don't expect to. I don't think I'm perpetuating the cycle as much as expressing my views on how to end the cycle, or at least turn in a different direction. This site is my personal place, my diary, my soul. If this is where I want to dump my anger and hate and sorrow, I reserve that right. I am not asking anyone to throw stones at protesters or deface someone's property or pick up a gun and shoot terrorists. I am just stating one person's very strong opinion.

It troubles me that some people read you now and see hatred, but before they saw just high-spiritedness. You move away from positions similar to theirs and suddenly you're full of hate?!? Bullshit!

Thank you, Dodd. That's exactly my point.

There are a lot of people in my blogroll that I disagree with. It would be a very short list if I only linked to people I agree with because no two people are exactly alike in their opinions. It doesn't show much confidence in your own opinions if you are afraid to hear other people's opinions.

And thank you, Lynn.

While it's true that you aren't the one who aired your grievance first, I found the other person's announcement about the fact that you were going to be removed from the blogroll to be exceptionally polite. Polite would have been to email me, tell me about it and leave it at that rather than making a public announcement about it. I think you might see that he was very respectful of you. Your readers were NOT respectful of him because you made it sound like he just WRENCHED you from his blogroll, and stomped on you a few times. I don't think it was respectful at all to not only tell everyone he was taking me off his list, but link to me in the process. I thought that was rather cruel, considering he stated that I make his skin crawl. I don't read your blog regularly. I didn't know you "before." I'm glad you have found a voice here, but I have to say that this introduction of you has not convinced me that you are worthy of my respect or my readership. Funny, I don't remember asking for either. But thanks for your concern. I'll try to be nicer to people who trash me in the future. Maybe then I can deserve your respect.From all I've heard about you, you are a much better person than what I'm seeing of you right now. Defending myself makes me a bad person? Stating my views makes me a bad person? Wow. I had no idea. Time to rethink this whole "develop your own personality" thing.

I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe,
if your girl steps up, i'm smackin da ho.

Word to your moms I came to drop bombs
I got more rhymes than the bible's got psalms .

i don't get hate mail. well, except for the chick who thought i should just die and burn in hell for writing about my manatee.

You own a manatee?

Yes, Michele, you are evil. But only in the most adorable cuddly way imaginable. Keep up the good work, and feel free to post pictures of whatever part of your anatomy you care to expose to your fans.

I'm not cute and cuddly, damn it! And I'm thinking of posting a picture of my ass with the words "kiss this, fuckers!" written on it.

Sounds like you have a problem with Juvenile De-link-wents.

Who thinks Tom needs to be hung for that joke?

Mary Matalin was single, getting old and desperate. That's why she married Car-vile....Some people will do anything for companionship, including sleep with the enemy.

I wonder what Michael Moore is doing tonight.

That was a JOKE!

Ok, that's just some of the comments I wanted to get to. I'll have to get to the emails later. I've already had a bit more tequila than I wanted to, I have to finish what I'm writing about judicial races and Dan and Stacy just called me from the strip club. Dan asked that I post a picture of my booty. Maybe. Let's see how far I get with this tequila.

**I do think that if the women out there who profess to love me and want me to win the contest, they will write "vote for Michele" across their chests, take a picture of it and send it to me. That's what I call getting out the vote.**



I've written five posts today but have to edit or proofread any of them because I've been answering email all day. If I haven't gotten to yours yet, I will.

I'm off to indulge in some therapy. For me that means buying toys, comic books and/or DVDs. And maybe a Krispy Kreme donut or two. And some tequila. And maybe a grande latte frappacino.

Then I am going to come home and post all the stuff I wrote today, and wait for Stacy to call me from the strip club that she and Dan and Robyn and Todd are going to tonight. (Robyn and Todd are *gasp!* liberals!). She's gonna let me talk dirty to the strippers. Or Dan. I'm not sure who I'll be talking to, but I know my husband will be listening on the other end, hoping it's the stripper and not Dan.

See, not only am I mean and nasty and blood thirsty, but I'm deviant, too!

Today's free download special: Faith No More, Stripsearch

how i got here

Today's required reading: Here. Get past the first two paragraphs. It's nto about me, it's about Arthur. Leave him a comment.

how i got here

What follows is an interactive explanation and demonstration of how I got from there to here.

First things first. Some of my detractors have mentioned that I have become too angry, too volatile, too aggressive. The problem there is, I have always been all of the above. It's just when my vitriol wasn't directed at the far left or Democrats, or in the name of being called a blood-thirsty hawk, none of you seemed to mind it.

For instance, let's go back to last October:

If you have the balls to actually cross my property and touch my festive lawn decorations, I will slice your dick off with a razor blade and feed it to the rather large dog next door.

No one complained then that I was hostile.

And yes, from my liberal days: "Ashcroft and Cheney are egging us on while Bush tells us to calm down. Passive-aggresive leadership, anyone?"

Hate mail? Nope. Anyone telling me to stop saying bad things about Republicans? Nope.

"I just wish I could shake myself out of this fog of anger/hostility/sadness/fear that I've been living in. It's getting really crowded in here."

That's a year ago. Before I became this angry/hostile conservative monster I am today. Guess what? The sadness is gone, the fear is mostly gone. Sure, I'm still angry and hostile. Those are just two of my charming personality traits.

And by the way, I still feel the same way about this. It's not like my world views have done a complete 360. Or 180. Whichever one is the full circle. Leave me alone, I haven't had enough sleep or coffee.

I am not going to deny I was a pacifist and Bush hater. But I'm certainly not going to deny my right as a thinking, growing human being to change. Change starts small and gets big.

It was this post, this small, memorial post, that started changing things in a big way for me. And then here and the final lurch into the home stretch, when I admitted to myself I was not the pacifist I thought I was. It was knowing how the idea of laying in wait and trying to appease and mediate eventually broke the heart of my son.

And then the final nail in the coffin of my liberal days, written on September 12 of this year:

Is it weird that I feel some closure now? I think the spirits of September 11 stayed with me so long because while I was reliving the events of that day, I was also dreading the anniversary of it.

I watched a lot of tv yesterday, I read a lot of weblogs, I cried a whole bunch. And when I woke up today, I found a lot of the despair and anguish I had been feeling lately had left me.

Perhaps it was reading all of the stories, perhaps it was just getting another September 11 out of the way.

I'd like to say I'm looking towards the future now instead of the past, but I do believe our future includes some bombs over Bagdhad and then, a war. We do what we must to ensure that another day like September 11, 2001 never happens again.

I feel lighter today, I feel less distressed. I still feel angry, but that's just me. I think I live with a subtle anger always brewing inside of me. And that's ok; it's what keeps me thinking, writing, questioning and debating.

Now, I can move on to other subjects, like the dreamworld the U.N. lives in, and the bizzaro world the Green Party must exist in if they are seriously thinking of running super-moron Cynthia McKinney for president.

Let's get some facts straight. While I have been a registered Republican since 1980 (when I voted for John Anderson!), it doesn't mean I ever voted that way. And while I may have been a pacifist and tree-hugger at one point, it does not mean I ever embraced idiots like Moore and Chomsky.

I don't call myself anything although I did refer to myself as a "liberatarian conservative fuckhead opinionated jackass" on Stacy's blog today.

The thing is, I am finally home. I feel comfortable here. My views have not so much changed as I have. What's different about the 2001 me and the 2002 version is that I believe in myself now. I don't doubt my convictions, I don't lose sleep over my thoughts. All this thinking, all this writing, all this reading, it's lead me to here. And this is where I want to be. Take it or leave it. And if you leave it, you know what? It's your loss. Because I am a damned good friend. Politics, religion and baseball teams aside.

Now go vote for me as Most Blood Thirsty Warblogger or I'll rip your eyes out and feed them to Arafat.

picture perfect

picture perfect

A comment from my friend John of Cold Marble Musings:

"kitties and fuzzy bunnies and peace and love"

Yeah, sure would be nice, wouldn't it? I used to feel that way back in my drug-addled youth and still harbor wishes that the world was a more gentle place beneath today's layers of a harsher reality. It's a strange mixture but I'm learning to live with it

He sent this picture to me (John is an amazing photographer) which pretty much sums it all up nicely. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words:

click for supersize

Thanks for allowing me to use the picture, John. It speaks volumes.

slap you with a Kotex

slap you with a Kotex

I cannot keep up with the mountain of email. I haven't gotten this much email since I contemplated giving out blowjobs as birthday presents. I want to thank everyone personally, but I do have to shower and eat at some point today. And I have several things I would like to post about besides this whole ordeal.

Let's just say I have added at least twenty fantastics blogs and sites to my blogroll today. So good has come out of this whole thing. And, ironically, since I mentioned that I was delinked four times in one day, I have moved from fourth to third place on the Blogrolling top 100. Not that I'm interested in that kind of stuff. *cough*bullshit*cough*

Mike wrote an amazing piece on the whole thing this morning, and Stacy, the goddess of the fucking world, made this lovely invitation inviting people to fuck off. Oh, and Andrea, in a post that brought tears to my eyes, made great use of imagery regarding used sanitary napkins.

I hope I did these trackback things right. If it's wrong, I'll fix it momentarily as soon as the goddess of the fucking world comes to my rescue, as always.

I need some coffee and Excedrin. I guess it's too early to start drinking.

And to the guy - a proprieter of a soft-core porn site - who just sent me an email telling me that my attitude must be from "the meds," that is tantamount to blaming a woman's aggressiveness on PMS. Fuck off, my friend.

*update* I realize now that this may have been the straw that broke the linkers' back. Heh. Thanks, John.

i got a woody

I'm still working on returning emails. Later on, by popular demand, I will explain how I went from left-leaning to right-handed in less than a year's time.

i got a woody

Oh how I love the smell of idiocy in the morning. And where else to find it, but at Indymedia:

The United States does not have a lawfully elected government. "Our" public servants are bribed and blackmailed by transnational corporations that issue so-called "U.S. dollars" out of nothing. "Elections" are fixed by the "Big Boys" (eg: Bilderberg Group) who own "our" money, "our" media and "our" vote-tabulation machinery. Just say NO to FRAUD, and YES to REAL DEMOCRACY....

Thanks to the miracles of copy and paste, I didn't have to type all those quotation marks.

The choice is ours, and the time is now.

Do you approve of the following nominations for a non-partisan and lawful Administration of the United States? If not, please explain your specific objections and alternative choices. Thank you.

It then lists nominees for each position. I didn't get farther than the first nominee before I was doubled over in laughter:

President - Woody Harrelson

The man who said "The war against terrorism is terrorism. The whole thing is just bullshit."

Doesn't everyone want a president who doesn't want to fight terrorism? Hey, let's just let everyone run naked and free in the streets! Do what you want! We'll all smoke pot and make love and eat organic foods and the world will be full of kitties and fuzzy bunnies and peace and love.

Besides, a president named Woody? And you thought the Bush/Dick jokes were bad. Just wait until the all the hard-on jokes commence.

group hug!

group hug!

I woke up at 3am, unable to sleep any longer. I did what any normal person who wakes in the middle of the night would do. I went to check my mail.

I had 85 pieces of mail, most of them comments on last night's post. Thanks to a link from Glenn Reynolds, among others, I had been deluged with support for my pity party.

It's still too early to form a coherent thought or answer all the emails I received. I just want to thank everyone who stood by me, or stopped in because of Glenn or someone else and decided to stick around.

Basically, the bottom line is this: I am me. This blog is me. There is no variation between the two. I will never, ever back down from my convictions or from being who I am because it makes someone nervous or uncomfortable. Love me or leave me, as the saying goes.

Ok, you don't have to love me. Just tolerate me.

One thing: to those who have asked who the person who instigated this whole thing by delinking me is - I will not tell. Don't ask again. Oddly enough, I still care enough about him as a person to not have a thousand people running over to his blog to tear him apart. He doesn't deserve that.

Anyhow, thank you to everyone. I will return emails today, I will stop by all your blogs today, I will stop playing the self-pity and righteous indignation game and get on with my usual antics. But right now, I am going back to bed. What kind of moron gets up at 4am on a Saturday? Besides me, I mean. Good night and thank you.

November 01, 2002

advice for the drunken hearted

advice for the drunken-hearted

Believe me when I tell you she's all about destruction.
It's just about enough to make a grown man cry.

If you want to get drunk enough to feel good, but have it wear off in a relatively short time, drink wine.

If you want to get piss-in-your-pants drunk and be praying to have it wear off five hours later, drink tequila.

If you want to be drunk enough to think that your hamster is a rat and that noise outside is not rain, but machine-gun fire, drink both wine and tequila.

If you are a notoriously bad drunk who can't hold a single glass of beer, let alone hard liquor and wine, don't drink at all.

Don't attempt to talk about politics after drinking any alcohol at all. Especially do not try to write about it. Delete is your friend.

However, if you are a bad drunk, yet the kind that loves all of humanity and says so with alarming frequency when under the influence, just go with it and send out emails to everyone you know telling them you not only love them, but would have wild monkey sex with them under the right circumstances.

I was going to take some naughty pictures of myself and post them up here to bribe people to vote for me, but Little Nicky is on and the sound of Adam Sandler's voice shriveled whatever momentum I had going.

I'm hoping that one of the more blood thirsty hawkish male bloggers will start posting naked pictures. It seems rather unfair that I'm the only one to disrobe for the public so far.

Shit, I don't remember who I sent those emails to. Was it you? What did I promise you?

I come fully loaded with an option to buy

I've got a stick shift disposition and a four wheel mind
I'll give you endless mileage and unlimited speed
Total satisfaction absolutely guaranteed

Turbo boost libido and passive restraints
And as of yet I haven't heard even a single complaint
I've got the tools of the trade and a fuel injected heart
Efficiency is beautiful, efficiency is art

last dance for the pity party

last dance for the pity party

(note: I've had several drinks. Apparently I've substituted chocolate and alcohol for nicotine. Feel free to ignore this post.)

Alrighty. Now four people have taken me off their links list and publicly announced it.

Look, I understand if people don't like the direction this space has gone in. But aside from politics, I still do talk about my kids and my life and the general mundane things of life. That's not even the point. The point is, why does it have to be public? I don't want to be involved in some big internet drama, but really, this is not just pissing me off, but hurting like hell.

These are not just some random people who linked me by chance. These are people I had a relationship with. People who I thought accepted me for who I am. Again, I don't care that you took my link down. I would have been happy to still talk to you in email, etc. It's the fact that you made is so public, so out in the open stings just a bit. Not to mention humiliating.

Thanks, guys. Notice I'm still taking care not to mention any names or put any links here. Anyone else going to step forward and say something? Come on, you can do it.

My name is ____________ and I am taking Michele off my links list.

Come on, do it. Do it for the children. And while you're at it, take out full page fucking ad that you think I'm a hateful, vile creature.

My inner hatred and angst is pretty fucking personal. It's never going to go away becaues I have been fucked over to the core. Shit like that does not leave you. Yes, I'm high strung. I always have been. Imagine if I wasn't on Paxil! I'd be eating live fucking chickens for breakfast!

I'm sorry if my inner workings and the things that tick me off or make me tick upset you. I'm sorry if I'm not the person you thought I was. Guess you didn't quite know me after all. And you - you know who you are - I am really incredibly suprised and hurt beyond hurt that you joined in the fray and decided to take me off your list. For such an open, liberal person you sure are fucking closed minded. Not to mention a follower.

What's interesting is that people like Brandy and Robyn and Todd, some of the biggest tree hugging, peace loving people I know, still love me and respect me and read this site. They have looked past our differences to realize that I'm a person underneath all that anger.

I'm hurt, I'm sad and I am full of more fucking rage now than ever. Just leave your name here if you are going to take me off your links list so you don't have to go make a fucking announcement on your own blogs that you think I'm an ass.

I'm 40 years old and this is grade school all over again, when Gloria told everyone that she hated me, so of course everyone else came out of the woodworks to hate me, too. It's like bringing your lunch into the cafeteria and realizing that there's nowhere to sit because no one will make a space for you.

Hey, you know what? Gloria turned into one ugly motherfucker. She lives in a double-wide with her six filthy kids and three ex husbands behind her. Heh.

Thanks. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Wow. You can record your own commentary on the Spiderman DVD. Kick ass.

despite all my rage

REMINDER:GET THE VOTE OUT! I just want to remind you that it is your duty to go vote for me at least five times. If you have more than one computer, vote ten times. If you are at work, use everyone's computer and vote 100 times. If you are a hacker, vote 6,000 times. I will bribe you, threaten you or do whatever it takes to win this. Don't make me hurt you. Because I will. Oh, I will. And I will enjoy it.

Now, what part of my anatomy should I post pictures of tonight? And how can I bribe you female voters?

despite all my rage i'm still just a sucker for bad pictures

I've got some things to do. Back to the pity party, the anger, the rage, the bloodlust and the righteous indignation later.

Meanwhile, I leave you with this, which is just begging for a caption:

click for supersize

Leave captions below. Thanks to Robyn for finding the pic in the first place.

And speaking of captions, I didn't win Dodd's contest this week. I demand a recount.

election survey: judicial races

Election survey: judicial races


Do judges in your state run for their positions or are they appointed?
If they are elected into position, do they run on party lines?
Do you actually look in to the backgrounds of judges before you vote in a judicial race or do you just vote with your party?
Do you even care about the judicial races?

(If you live in New York you can ignore the first two questions)

Just doing some quick research for something I am writing for The Weblog Action Center.

Thanks in advance for your participation. There's a lovely door prize waiting for you as you exit.

am i evil?

Don't forget to vote for me. There's a message board, too. You can tell everyone how evil and blood thirsty I am. I'm still in the lead, but it's getting too close for comfort.

am i evil?

I woke up this morning pissed off and that's good. I don't mind being pissed off as long as I feel my pissiness is justified.

I'm not going to print or reproduce the emails I got, because I'm just not like that. Ok, maybe just a representative quote or two:

I think it was very wrong of you to take your grievance with one person to airwaves of the internet. You should have just sent him/her an email and have been done with it, instead of fighting in public and having everyone call that person names and chastise him for having a difference of opinion. That's bullshit. You are a pussy.

Thanks, Jim with the hotmail address that blocked me from sending a return email.

Let's get a couple of things straight. This other person is the one who took it "to the airwaves of the internet" first. He named names and even linked to me and called me by name. I did no such thing. And you know what? I still like him. I still think he is a decent person who has let his passion for his values get in the way of friendship. But I am not going to tell anyone who he is, because I do not want people going over to his site and ridiculing him or sending him nasty emails, much like people have been doing to me.

If I was a pussy, I wouldn't have brought it up at all. If I was a pussy, I wouldn't be sharpening my knife right now, would I?

More from the mailbag:

Chris K. writes:

Get a life and get off the internet. Get a job. Get laid. Get a boyfriend. Get that dried up crack between your legs loosened up and maybe you will stop being such a bitch.

Dear Chris,

Hmm. I have a job, I have a life and I have a husband. I don't think he would like the idea of me having a boyfriend but he sure did like your "getting laid" idea. When I basked in the afterglow of my seventh orgasm, I thought of you and laughed at your expense. And hey, I'm still a bitch. Go figure.

From Kerry in Alabama:

Your gratuitous shots of your tits, which probably aren't even yours, is disgusting. You should be ashamed. No wonder people stopped reading you and linking you. You are a whore. You talk bad about people and then get upset when they talk about you. That picture of you probably isnt even you, its probably your lesbian lover.

I wrote to Kerry:

Dear Kerry,

Thank you for your kind email. Those are, in fact, my tits. I'm sorry you find them disgusting. I think they are rather nice considering I don't have the body of say, Dawn Olsen. If I did I would be sharing pictures of myself daily. That's not to imply that Dawn is my lesbian lover. Not that I wouldn't want her to be. I'm a whore like that, Kerry. Hey, what are you wearing? Wanna have cyber sex?

And one last one from Steve, who has written me many times before, always with the same one line:


Ok, Steve. I'll take a large pepperoni pie, hold the napalm. Thanks.

That's not to say that I don't get nice emails, too.

Both Rachel Lucas and Sasha Castel, two bloggers I have been admiring from afar, wrote me last night to say they enjoy my site and they like me! I got good mail!

Now, back to being a blood thirsty beast who has obviously grown horns in her head and carved a "666" in her skull since coming out as a semi-conservative. I'm not contagious, folks. But I am evil.

Yes, I am.

halloween roundup

halloween roundup