Action Figures Alive! Part 2
(note, there were supposed to be pictures to go along with this post, but my A drive has suddenly decided it doesn't want to be recognized. Use your imagination)
Part 1 here.
Spiderman: The general meeting of the Action Figures Coalition is now called to order. First, we would like to welcome the newest members of our Coalition, He-Man, Skeletor and Battle Cat.
He-Man: It's a pleasure to be here.
Skeletor: Yea, whatever. Where's the coffee and donuts I was promised?
Boba Fett: Ugh. I hate you guys that come here just for the refreshments. This is a serious group.
Edward Scissorhands: I have a question, Spidey.
Spiderman: Edward has the floor. Everyone, please remember the rules. Be respectful of the person that is talking. That means you, Wolverine. Keep your chatter down.
Edward: Well, I don't want to come off as accusatory, but He-Man looks as if he's been taking steroids.
He-Man: Idiot! I'm He-Man! I'm supposed to be muscular!
Luke Skywalker: Well, there's muscular and then there's freak of nature. You're the latter.
He-Man: You're just jealous because you were made to look like such a wimp!
Luke: I am not a wimp! I'm a hero!
Skeletor: Hero, my ass. Hey everyone, Luke is sleeping with Aquaman! Hahahaha!
(much laughter from crowd. Aquaman gets up and runs out the door, crying)
Spiderman: Awww, geez. Must you guys do this every time? Crow, go get him.
Edward: Anyhow, back to He-Man's steroids...
He-Man: I am NOT on steroids!
Mark McGwire: Test him! Test him!
Batman: How are you going to test him? If he's not anatomically correct, he can't exactly pee in a cup for you.
Skeletor: Cut him open! Let me do it!
He-Man: Man, I hate being the new guy. Why is everyone picking on me already?
Ash: Maybe because you look like you swallowed Arnold Schwarzenegger ?
Spiderman: Hey! Hey! Battle Cat! Get away from Leonardo!
Sandman: Oh my god. He ate him.
Iceman: That is just gross.
He-Man: Well, you said there would be refreshments....
Raphael: Shut up, you steroid freak! Your cat just ate my best friend!
Spiderman: Order! Order! Can we have some order here?
Batman: Oh, this is just ridiculous. Every time we have a meeting, someone gets eaten and Aquaman cries.
Spiderman: I still say we should separate the evil figures from the good figures. It would solve a lot of problems.
Skeletor: Oh, you want to put us in camps or something, is that it? Should we just start calling you General Ashcroft now?
Spiderman: Hey, that's not what I meant, I just mean....some of you are more inherently evil than others. You can usually tell by the eyes.
Green Goblin: Profiling! He's Profiling! Someone call the ACLU! Call the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund!
Spiderman: This is bullshit. Half of you guys just come to these meetings to argue and call names. And then you think you can get away with everything you do because of free speech. Well, I got news for you, I'm the leader of this coalition and if I want to ship you all off somewhere else for being insubordinate, I can! You damn liberal figures!
Skeletor: Hey, if you put a wig on him, he could be Ann Coulter!
Edward: All I wanted was to address the He-Man steroid thing and look what happens.
Iceman: Well there's no way we could tell if he's on steroids if he can't pee.
Edward. Oh, yes there is!
(Edward lunges at He-Man and tries to rip open He-Man's chest with his scissor hands. As he is about to cut into him, Optimus Prime, always the latecomer, walks through the door)
Optimus: Hey, everyone, I brought donuts!
Everyone crowds around Optimus, forgetting all about their fights and arguments.
Optimus: So why is Aquaman out in the hall crying again? Don't tell me Luke broke up with him?
Everyone burst out in good-natured laughter (except Luke) and they consume donuts and coffee until it's time to go back to their frozen stances on the shelves.
*note* I would like to believe that Justin is the only person who ever received He-Man actions figures as a wedding gift from his fiance.