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Rude Boys

Today is World Smile Day.

The website says time. "Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile."

I got your smile right here, buddy.

Didn't you hear? Good manners are dead. Forgotten. Gone. Kindness to strangers? Pfft. Courtesy? Extinct.

As a matter of fact, just yesterday I was making a mental list of all the rudeness I came across during the day. Now, I'm not saying I'm the world's most mannerful, polite person, but I do know how to extend courtesies to my fellow humam beings; hold open doors, let other drivers merge into traffic, hold the elevator for an approaching rider, - little things like that. They should be ingrained, done without thinking about it. But we seem to live in an age where people are raised to believe that they are the only person that exists on the planet, or at least the only person that matters. It's hard to have a World Smile Day when 90% of your day is dealing with stupid assnuts who think the rules don't apply to them and you are just an insignificant zit on their private planet.

And so, the mental list I made yesterday of how to know if you are the kind of person who annoys the piss out of me and have ruined whatever sentiments World Smile Day might have had for me if I were a sentimental sort of person:

  • Your cell phone volume goes to 11
  • You spend your entire time in the grocery store yapping into your headphone thing. Do we really need to know about your date last night and how it hurts when you pee now?
  • You talk during a movie. Worse, you explain upcoming plot points to the people you're with.
  • You wait until the cashier has rang up your order, bagged your order and is standing there tapping her fingers waiting for you until you dig through your purse for your wallet.
  • You barge into the elevator before anyone has gotten off.
  • You do not let people merge in traffic
  • You throw cigarette butts/garbage out your car window
  • You and the crony next door stand in your front yard at 6am blabbering at high volume while your bitchy little dogs bark at each other
  • You deliver newspapers in the morning (5am) with William Hung's version of that Ricky Martin song blasting on the car stereo
  • You beep five hundred times in front of your boyfriend's house instead of maybe beeping once politely or going to the door to get him, and you blast Loverboy while you do this
  • You have not taught your children basic manners like please, thank you, may I
  • You jaywalk and expect cars will just come to a screeching halt so your majesty can cross the street without paying attention to the rules
  • You proceed into interesections knowing full well the light is going to turn red while you are in the middle
  • You don't use turn signals
  • You pee on the seat in a public toilet. I understand if you don't want to sit all the way down on the seat (cooties and all), but have the courtesy to not leave your piss there for the next person.
  • You think "no parking any time" does not apply to you
  • You park in handicapped spots even if you're not. Mental handicaps do not apply
  • You sit in the aisle at Border's without so much as budging when someone wants to get through. Yea, I'm talking to you, fanboy.
  • You don't shower. In the summer. And wear the same shirt day after day.
  • You have a mouth like a truck driver. This isn't a terrible thing, but it is when you use it in public places, within earshot of everyone, including children and the elderly and maybe even a nun or two.
  • You nail your garage sale sign to telephone poles and tree trunks all over town and don't take them down when your sale is over.

I'll add more later. I'm sure you have your own to add.


You talk during a movie. Worse, you explain upcoming plot points to the people you're with.

This is why I never got into commentary tracks on DVDs.

You don't use turn signals

Ah, yes, the appendix (biological) of cars. Everyone knows theyre there, no one knows what theyre for.

Now, I'm not saying I'm the world's most mannerful, polite person,


I'm beginning to think that "Socially Handicapped" people get dispensation to park in Handicapped zones now...

You take the elevator, the elevator that I need to use to move tools and parts, down one floor to go to the fitness center, yet you talk about how energy conscious you are. GRRR.

You wait until the cashier has rang up your order, bagged your order and is standing there tapping her fingers waiting for you until you dig through your purse for your wallet.

In the express lane.

THEN, you commence writing a check.

THEN, you realize that you left some stuff in your cart, starting the whole process over again. I swear I thought I was gonna choke a bitch.

You have a large purse, backpack, or shopping bag over your shoulder. You proceed to wack people w/it because you are a moron and don't realize it.

I had one woman whack me in the head on an airplane (i was in my seat and she was spinning around) and she had the nerve to get MAD when I said "excuse YOU!". Her husband, was quite appalled at her behavior and pointed out that she hit ME (a pregnant me no less) and she said, I kid you not), "the bag is behind me, how the hell am i supposed to know where it's going? " and proceeded to yell at him.

That supermarket shit makes me INSANE. Sometimes I swear I'm going to have an aneurism right there in line.

//You deliver newspapers in the morning (5am) with William Hung's version of that Ricky Martin song blasting on the car stereo //

i'm sorry, but that's kind of funny to me. i'm sure it wouldn't be if it happened day after day.

ATM Drive Thru Manners:

1) Fill out your deposit slip BEFORE you get in line.

2) While waiting in line, prepare my having your ATM card already out of your wallet.

3) When finished, drive away immediately, put the money, reciept and card back in your wallet/purse after you've cleared the lane...

In a similar vein:

Fast Food Drvie Thru Manners:

1) The Drive Thru line is not for you that is ordering for the 10 people at your workplace. If you MUST do this order for 4 people then get back in line again...

2) Use the preview menu so you can save time when you get to the order menu.

3) Get your money ready ahead of time... you KNOW what the total is before you get there.

4) When you get your order clear the window, check your order and give your kids their Happy Meals on YOUR time not mine and the rest of the line.

I could do a list of 50 just relating to subway usage. #1 is sitting on the aisle seat with the window seat empty and expecting me to crawl over your ass. Well, I will crawl over your ass and shove my big, fat white ass into your face as I do it. Assholes.

Mmmm. Peeves!

The supermarket really is International Piss Me The Hell Off Headquarters. The other day, I was behind this 20 year old little twit in line, and she did not budge her cell phone from her ear for a moment.

Since we were at the self checkout line, this really slowed down her progress (she didn't have a headset on.) And a loooong line began to form behind her. And she just went on and on with her yammering, like she was the only person in the place. ARRRGHH. Cell phones have brought our civilization to the edge of collapse, I'm telling you...

Another one is people who eat loudly. Smack, slurp, glug. I swear, I'm stuck next to one of those gems in every office, and they always choose to have lunch at their desks. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO EAT BY YOURSELF AT McDONALD'S AND LET ME DO MY WORK IN PEACE!

You are a Yankees fan. 'Nuff said.

You park in handicapped spots even if you're not. Mental handicaps do not apply

"I h-h-h-have a st-st-st-stutter, you f-f-f-**king p-p-p-p-prick!!" - Curb Your Enthusiasm

Oooo! Ooo! raises hand This happened to me last night:

Ran to store late last night for milk, eggs, bread. I was last in line and put the "closed" sign on the belt as the checker was ready to go off shift.

Family - mom, dad, two rugrats, completely ignore sign and start unloading a whole basket full of food onto belt.

I could see the muscle jumping on the clenched jaw of the checker.
Parents who encourage..no, PRAISE, their kids for cussing out another adult.

Huge groups (8 or more) that leave only a $5 tip (women in groups are notoriously poor tippers).

People who are seeing a movie for the second time who stand near you in line and tell the whole plot to their friends.

My two cents: Failure to do poo duty when walking your dog.

Do some people really think that the stuff is going to simply biodegrade away in the next thirty seconds? They obviously don't mind that they've just left a land mine for themselves to step into on their next walkies, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that others may not enjoy the feel of squish and slip under their feet. Not to mention the fact that I'm willing to bet that anyone that careless probably doesn't bother to deworm their dog either, leaving all kinds of potential parasites behind to sicken other, more considerate pet owners' pups.

People who cross the street against the red light and then get mad at you when you honk at them as you are trying to get through intersection.

More particular to my situation: students who complain when they get a low exam grade because "I'm an A student". As if I'm going to hand out grades based on last year's performance!

Here in the SF bay area,even if someone actually does use a turn signal,it may not mean they are actually going to move in that direction.Just yesterday a woman in the left turn lane,signal on,decided to go right as I went to pass her.She flipped me off when I beeped.Feel the love.

I was really excited for a moment because I thought it was going to be a post about ska!

I'm really glad to know that by your guidelines I am not a rude person. Not that I am free from flaws, but I try to live my life so as not inconvenience, annoy, or have people want to kill me.

I agree with Stacella about the people who eat sloppily. I'm stuck near "the Food Guy" at work, and he sounds like a 5-year-old eating all day long. It makes me sick and makes me want to punch him in the throat.

You do not let people merge in traffic

This is not nearly as irritating as having one car stop in the middle of the road on a green light, in order to let one person in the line. They make the 40 cars behind them miss a light in order to feel good about themselves because they let one car in.

I have several neighbors who were apparently at some point introduced to the concept of a 'rolling stop', but failed to retain the 'stop' portion of said maneuver, making the intersection nearest my house the most interesting part of my day (in the classic Chinese sense...)

Given that my vehicle probably has less than $500 in resale value, I may eventually decide to play Adult Bumper Cars with them, just to open up a dialogue, ya know?...

Nice Watchmen graphic...

Watchmen is an old favorite of mine.

The Commissary (military grocery store) is my own personal hell. Here are my favorite peeves:

You see somebody walking towards their car in the parking lot, and proceed to follow them to their car and wait for them to load up their two-carts-full-groceries so you can take their spot, simultaneously taking up the entire lane so I can't get around your lazy ass to find a spot of my own.

You stop your cart in the middle of a narrow aisle and proceed to closely investigate the twelve different varieties of prune juice that are available. When I say "Excuse me," and try to get by, you act like it's a huge inconvenience to move your cart over and let me through.

You ignore the wrap-around checkout line system [it's kind of like the lines at an amusement park], and decide, instead, to make the line stretch all the way to the back of the store, blocking every aisle along the way.

You go through the self-checkout lane with the sign that SPECIFICALLY says "12 Items or Less" with a cart full of groceries, and you stand there and wonder why the little machine yells at you as you take full bages off the shelf to make room for more of your shit. Then you whine to the cashier until she comes over to fix it. Then you repeat the process 10 more times.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop now before I get too riled up.

You sit in the number one lane on the freeway going 60 miles per hour. You must figure we can all go around, but it's you who needs to get the f*** out of the way. It's the height of narcissism.

You let your kids, who have learned that the acoustics in the grocery store make their shrieks echo perfectly, have at it, even though the rest of us have migraines, just because you're so proud that little Josh or little Britni has learned the physics of sound.

You grin at me as you unload your full cart in the "20 items or less" lane, and say "Don't worry - I know how to count! I'm just in a hurry!" (Like I ENJOY watching more precious seconds of my life tick by as the gallon of milk I decided I didn't need a cart for slowly pulls my arm out of its socket?)

You who pulls in the single-direction parking lane at the grocery store and proceeds to sit behind some duffer who is taking fifteen minutes to load up their car, just because you're too damn lazy to park twenty more feet away and walk, and I'm sitting behind you TRYING TO GET OUT AND GET HOME because I did park the extra however many feet away and walk.

You who park your carts crossways in the grocery aisle so you can "chat" while I try to figure out how to get around you so I can get done with my shopping in less than an hour.

Damn...lots of the rudeness revolves around the grocery. (All I can say is - if Peapod or whatever it's become existed where I live, I'd buy ALL my groceries online. It seems the worst, most annoying, most self-centered behavior comes out in the grocery store. I've taken to doing as much of my marketing as possible at 7 am on Saturdays or Sundays, when most of the real asswipes are still passed out from the night before...)

I have complained about most of these things myself ( and tried to use the driving ones as "teachable moments" for my soon to be driving teenagers) But my first reaction to this list was "do I remember the random acts of civility as long as I do those of inconsideration?" While someone cut you off today, didn't someone else let you in too?