Today is World Smile Day.
The website says time. "Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile."
I got your smile right here, buddy.
Didn't you hear? Good manners are dead. Forgotten. Gone. Kindness to strangers? Pfft. Courtesy? Extinct.
As a matter of fact, just yesterday I was making a mental list of all the rudeness I came across during the day. Now, I'm not saying I'm the world's most mannerful, polite person, but I do know how to extend courtesies to my fellow humam beings; hold open doors, let other drivers merge into traffic, hold the elevator for an approaching rider, - little things like that. They should be ingrained, done without thinking about it. But we seem to live in an age where people are raised to believe that they are the only person that exists on the planet, or at least the only person that matters. It's hard to have a World Smile Day when 90% of your day is dealing with stupid assnuts who think the rules don't apply to them and you are just an insignificant zit on their private planet.
And so, the mental list I made yesterday of how to know if you are the kind of person who annoys the piss out of me and have ruined whatever sentiments World Smile Day might have had for me if I were a sentimental sort of person:
- Your cell phone volume goes to 11
- You spend your entire time in the grocery store yapping into your headphone thing. Do we really need to know about your date last night and how it hurts when you pee now?
- You talk during a movie. Worse, you explain upcoming plot points to the people you're with.
- You wait until the cashier has rang up your order, bagged your order and is standing there tapping her fingers waiting for you until you dig through your purse for your wallet.
- You barge into the elevator before anyone has gotten off.
- You do not let people merge in traffic
- You throw cigarette butts/garbage out your car window
- You and the crony next door stand in your front yard at 6am blabbering at high volume while your bitchy little dogs bark at each other
- You deliver newspapers in the morning (5am) with William Hung's version of that Ricky Martin song blasting on the car stereo
- You beep five hundred times in front of your boyfriend's house instead of maybe beeping once politely or going to the door to get him, and you blast Loverboy while you do this
- You have not taught your children basic manners like please, thank you, may I
- You jaywalk and expect cars will just come to a screeching halt so your majesty can cross the street without paying attention to the rules
- You proceed into interesections knowing full well the light is going to turn red while you are in the middle
- You don't use turn signals
- You pee on the seat in a public toilet. I understand if you don't want to sit all the way down on the seat (cooties and all), but have the courtesy to not leave your piss there for the next person.
- You think "no parking any time" does not apply to you
- You park in handicapped spots even if you're not. Mental handicaps do not apply
- You sit in the aisle at Border's without so much as budging when someone wants to get through. Yea, I'm talking to you, fanboy.
- You don't shower. In the summer. And wear the same shirt day after day.
- You have a mouth like a truck driver. This isn't a terrible thing, but it is when you use it in public places, within earshot of everyone, including children and the elderly and maybe even a nun or two.
- You nail your garage sale sign to telephone poles and tree trunks all over town and don't take them down when your sale is over.
I'll add more later. I'm sure you have your own to add.