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we're all gonna die

panic.jpg

Anyone else thinking the end times are near? Not a rapture or anything like that; I think maybe the planet Earth is revolting against us. Or we opened the gates to Hell. Maybe this is what happens when humans progress too fast. And maybe we're just little toys being played with by some supergiant race of evil children. Oh, I could go on. But I won't.

And not for nothing, this is one of the reasons I say that if Long Island was ever in a situation where we had to evacuate, I wouldn't. I'm not going to take the chance that I'll be stuck on the LIE for twelve hours and never even make it out before the shit hits the fan and die right there in a traffic jam with stalled out cars and exploding buses and overheating trucks and nowhere to go. I'd rather die in my own home, thankyouverymuch.

Just be aware, people. The end is nigh. In fact, I think you should all spend some time right here confessing to your deepest, darkest secrets before the world explodes. Get it out of your system so you can die with a clear conscience.

Maybe I'll tell you about that one time, at the zoo. Just to purge myself of it. So I can go on to my next life (hopefully as either a cat or a bass player) with a bit of purity.

Comments

Good post. Yup, the end is near. Myself, the confession is about the penny candy store and the big bowl of rock candy. So you want to be a cat or a bass player next time?! I'll take the one they don't give you.

I'm afraid any of my admissions might actually speed the whole thing up.

There's just some things man was not meant to know...

I agree - I won't purge myself here. But the idea of coming back as a bass player is so very very cool. Make that a football world cup winning bass player.

Confession - I don't really exist. I'm just an occasional (admittedly mild) mass hallucination.

OH, NO! I not falling for that one.

Put the car in neutral and turn off the engine, then have the family push it. When the traffic clears you can go again.

if Long Island was ever in a situation where we had to evacuate, I wouldn'

Like it's any big surprise, Michele. After all, you already admitted that when the Zombie invade you're not gonna fight.

Well if they DO open the gates of hell, I'm ready, and all those hours I spent playing DOOM won't go to waste. I just need to find my spacesuit and my 12 gauge.

oooh deepest darkest secrets... damn.. where would i start? eheheh hmm. The most recent? The oldest? The darkest, dirtiest one?

I do not want to come back as a cat. I've never been one for licking my own poo off my own butt, thanks. I am already a bass player, but i think i would like to be a FAMOUS bass player. So i'm just gonna enter that little rider in my reincarnation contract, along with "no green m&ms".

I'm ready for it. I've got my towel.
And skillzy is a wuss.

wait...if the world is coming to an end, what good will coming back as a cat or a bass player or anything like that gonna do? I mean, I wouldn't want to come back, even as a famous cat who can play the bass and has an entourage to take care of that cleaning my butt thing, if the whole world's a smoking pile of molten crap.

I'm hoping to be sucked into an alternate universe, myself. One just like this one except that I have more sex appeal. And men fall at my feet. And I am both famous and well-respected.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

OK, I'll fess up. It was me. I'm the one who opened the gates of Hell. I mean, I came home one day, hit the button, and.... no, wait, that was my garage door. Huh. Guess that explains why Satan had my lawnmower...

I've been having that shrinking feeling myself lately. It seems as if, as Kurt Vonnegut suggested, that the earth is trying to get rid of the virus called the human race. And she would be doing so rightly, after all of the trouble we've caused her just in the past few years, let alone for centuries (or millenia).

My confession?

I only do it for the attention.

You couldn't possibly be talking about the estimated 500+ cars that are stalled on I-10 between Houston places north in Texas because they ran out of gas now would you? It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen, lines at the gas station, no bread, milk, bottled water, tuna (???) or canned goods in the grocery store -- 400+ miles inland. Just made me laugh my a$$ off - I grew up 5 miles from the Jersey shore and NEVER hoarded milk, bread or bottled water. Jeez.

"I've never been one for licking my own poo off my own butt,"

Now, poo off someone else's butt....

nope.. not even poo off anyone else's butt. Thanks, tho.

I was just thinking the other day about the Biblical view of the end times, the Second Coming . . . and imagining that all unfolding in the blogosphere (I can just see Glenn now: "Hugh Hewitt says this guy might be the Anti-Christ. Tom Maguire has a link filled post here. And Stephen Green says it's time to relax and enjoy a good martini.")