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One Free Minute

Did I mention I'm really busy today?

What would you say, given one free minute of anonymous public speech?

Me, I'd go with Badger, badger, badger, badger! Mushroom, mushroom! Snake! Over and over. For 58 seconds.

I'd use the last two seconds to shout BOOBIES!

Anonymity rules.


How about the last minute of pleasuring yourself?

Well, in my case I'd still have about 42 seconds of time to fill.....

Free Minute is a mobile sculpture designed to allow for instances of anonymous public speech. When you call the cellphone inside One Free Minute, you get connected for exactly a minute to a 200 watt amplifier and speaker.

Hi .. this is Jim ... from the Bronx ....
...long time art-fan, first time caller ...

Hahahah. That gets a round of applause, Bumper.

have to go with wingnuttery.

Squirrels are the devils oven mitts. It's not my godamn planet, monkey-boy. Do you like apples? I like apples. Cowboy hats for the criminally insane! Can't my brother lock his family in cages? He knows how bad my polls are. Gas prices soaring to $5.oo a gallon? it's surely not price gouging, and the oil companies will swear to that after investigating themselves."

Credits go to Dubya, and ShrubCo, ltd., who's thoughts(?) I've have been channeling

I would plug by EP and band.

hmm. Not sure. I would end it, though, probably with "Do you know what the queers are doing to the soil?!"

I would utter curses upon my enemies.

I suppose you could spend a minute quoting you favourite film lines. The last line, as the minute came to an end would probably be, Samuel L Jackson's "Ha Ha, Very funny, Mutha f***er".

Definitely up for the stream of consciousness plan.

You could pull all sorts of truly twisted and horrifying pranks with this. For example:

"Oh God, please, help me! My boyfriend and I were in a car crash - is this the hospital? Why won't anyone pick up? The steering column, it's - oh my god, it's in his chest - somebody please help us, he's going to die! Why won't anyone answer me?"


"It's horrible - Boston is burning down. The firefighters are running away, I don't believe this - we've got to do something! Send for the National Guard, send for the Coast Guard, there's a bay up here, isn't there? Send for the fucking Ghost Busters, for god's sake man, do something!"


"The action will go down tonight at 9PM EST. Make sure you get the Senator and his entire family - we can't let that bill get to the House, and we don't want to have to deal with protesting, teary-eyed brothers and sisters for the next ten years. Now, Raphael, this is important - if anyone else sees you, or hears about this at all, kill them. That goes for brass, rank, and civilians. That is an order, soldier."

Or simply:

"Hello, is there an I.C. Weiner there? Hello? I.C. Weiner? Oh, crap.*click*"

Could have been a fun idea. Too bad it was ruined by those who think free speech means its time to repeat the same old mantra: BUSH-ROVE-HALIBURTON. As if that revelatory message has lacked a platform. How unoriginal!

Also, it seems that so many people trend toward the dour. Why do so many people equate being thoughtful, meaningful or poetic to pouring out dire predictions, spewing rage, or embracing the dark depresive side of human experience. I don't think they are brave to do so. It is more rare, more original instead to find that needle in the haystack that golden thought or positive aspect. Now there is creativity!

Heck if you can't say something inspiring that is positive, at least be funny!

two words: dirty limericks.

hey, it's anonymous, right? Dirty limericks would be a good counterbalance for all the "OMG, we're going to die BushevilBushevilBushevil we've messed up the environment if you're driving a car that gets less than 30 mpg you're going to hell aaaaaaaaagggggghhh" that so many people would do.

Or maybe I'd just recite some poetry instead. I think I still have "Not Swimming but Drowning" still memorized...

"Please help me - there's a man in my house - I'm hiding in the closet. Oh - oh god, he's coming up the stairs - please, oh please - oh!"

Followed by thirty seconds of silence interrupted by a steady thump, thump, thump, and punctuated at the end by a roar and a scream.

Or, since we're on a Halloween bent, the one-minute speed-reader version of The Raven.

Or random 100 Words entries.