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Horror Haiku

I was going through my archives looking for horror movies I reviewed (for the soon to be appearing list of worst horror movies ever) and I came across some haikus I wrote about monster movies. Enjoy. Or not.


Look! Up in the sky!
It's a bird! It's a plane! No...
It's just a damn moth


Once he was so fierce
If only Godzilla knew
Broderick ruined him

Night of the Lepus

Killer rabbits lurk!
Wait - that's Bill in a bunny suit!
great FX, my ass.

Eight Legged Freaks

Almost as bad as
Jeepers Creepers, but not quite
David Arquette sucks.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

Hey, did you ever
See Johnny Depp in Ed Wood?
Then you'd understand.

Feel free.


Lake Placid
Betty White's gator,
ten yards of cow chompin' fun
root for the reptile

Friday the Thirteenth
Kids are acting dumb
There's a guy with a big knife
blood and not much else

The Haunting

The house breathes and leers
That Wilson guy escapes once
but the fireplace wins


Pigs blood and tampons
Dirty pillows and Vinnie
Sissy blows a fuse

Return of the Living Dead

Zombies yet again
But with more vigor this time
lusting for your brains

The Blair Witch Project

I still can't believe,
People thought that shit was real
Some folks are just dumb

Manos, the Hands of Fate

Dear God, make it stop
Is this some form of torture?
My eyes are bleeding