Listomatic: Worst Horror/Scary Movies
We've talk about great horror movies over and over again. For a different take on my Halloween schtick, let's talk really, really bad horror/scary movies.
- Troll - recognizable actors do not help this low-budget, poorly scripted movie. It's as if the director was torn between making a scary children's and a horror parody. Neither Sonny Bono nor a character named Harry Potter can save this movie from being anything but BAD.
- Ring 2 - I called this "generic, uneven, predictable, poorly directed, hastily written, nonsenical." It also gave me the best unintentional laugh I've had during a horror movie. One word: Deer.
- The Village - I believe that when I reviewed this movie, I used the words asscake, assfrosting and ass-spoon.
- Parasite 3D - I actually saw this in the movie theater (1982) and I was all excited to see my favorite General Hospital actress - an unkown Demi Moore - make her big screen debut (ok, she made that movie Choices in '81, but I don't think anyone saw that). Awful does not begin to describe the acting, the writing, the directing or the effects. I've created better 3D on acid trips.
- Jeepers Creepers - so bad it displaced Kazaam as #1 on my Worst. Movie. Ever. list.
- Halloween H20 - this series should have been murdered after two
- (Tie) Stephen King movies: Children of the Corn and all its sequels, Christine, Cujo, The Dark Half, Dreamcatcher, Maximum Overdrive, The Shining (remake), Lawnmower Man 1 and 2, The Mangler 1, 2 and 3, Pet Sematary Two, Silver Bullet, The Tommyknockers and Secret Window, which rated five pieces of crap on the crap-o-meter. I am convinced Johnny Depp owed someone a favor.
- Blair Witch Project - Boooooooooooooooooooooring. I got ants in my pants after five minutes and the payoff was NOT worth the numb ass I got from sitting there trying not to fall asleep.
- House of 1,000 Corpses/Devil's Rejects - I love me some Rob Zombie but dude, stick to making music. There's a thin line between homage and uh...the opposite of homage.
- Any Friday the 13th movie after the first - ch-ch-ch-ch-ch gets real old, real fast, especially when you don't give a crap about any of the characters who are about to get slashed. Never before have I rooted so hard for the killer. Don't even get me started on Jason X.
- Land of the Dead - Romero's Return of the Clones
I could really go on like this for a while, but I'll let you take over from here.