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Pirate Poetry Jam

Well, it turns out I have a case of the Mondays (not really, just kind of busy) and I won't be able to continue my pirating ways until later in the afteroon.

So here's a contest.

Pirate poetry: may be in the form of limerick, haiku, didatic, ode, free verse, whatever floats your boat. No limits on words either way. Just a big old free for all pirate poetry jam.

The only rule is that your poem must be about, well, pirates. Or pirate things. Or piracy.


There once was a pirate named Hank
Who pulled the most amazing prank
Late at night he took
The Captain's best hook
Who then laughed and he yelled "Walk the plank!"

aye! mateys we now have our day
shiver me timbers and do as i say
just let out an arrrrrr
but don't take it to far
and remember it isn't boo-tay.

(oops, originally posted under wrong thread)

Sailed the oceans blue and wide
Searching for the perfect lass
Plundered and pillaged all the way,
Until I tapped your ass

Finer than silk, brighter than gold
That you were to me
Swore to stop killin' and robbery
Turned my back upon the sea

Ne'ertheless I hit the shoals
Eaten by sharks I could not see
When you stole my gold and fucked the cabin boy
Left a note and V.D.!


Our pirate's life's a bonny life;
We sail and steal and swear.
Except for one time when we boarded a ship
And saw fat women everywhere.

'Twas swearin' that day, but stealin'? None.
Nor rapin', nor prisoner-takin'.
The men jus' stared, their faces long,
'Til one said, "Do you smell bacon?"

That brought us a laugh, and me mate then said,
"Shall we take their booty as planned?"
I said "No, leave 'em be. The booty before us
Ain't wanted by any man."

Jus' then a big Betty went over the rail,
Her splash like a minor typhoon.
"There's a fat woman off the starboard bow!"
Said I. "Ready harpoons!"

"But cap'n," said one, "why not let her go
To roam, a-free and far?"
"We'll harvest the blubber for Nantucket!" I said.

So we fired harpoons and reeled her in,
And presently she was caught.
Two tons of tallow did she yield,
And, shorn of it, she looked hot.

So I married big Betty, a-big no more,
And had many children by 'er.
The youngest grew up to be big as 'er mom.
You might know 'er as "Liv Tyler."

And here's some free verse.

Gay gay gay
International Talk Like a Pirate Day
Is fucking gay.

Allah hates pirates
Summer of '78
He was raped by one

(Well, actually
It was one of those carnies
Who wore an eyepatch)

A bumper sticker never made:

You don't have to be a pirate to love booty.

Allah hates pirates
cause'they make his pants "tent up"
like Big Red used to

Aye! Cap'n.
We'll keelhaul the wench!
Then we'll fuck 'er.

Allah hates fat chicks
'Cause they're the best he can do.
Fucking genetics.

Well blow the French consul from a gun,
Allah's wife has plunder thighs!

An algerine from Barbary
who sought the gold and skimmed the seas
Sacked a port in Tripoli
and came home with cupids disease.

Allah do better!
Just get really, really rich
Or pay by the hour

(Oh, and Arggggh!)

Well blow the French consul from a gun, Allah's wife has plunder thighs!

Allah not married;
Prefers right hand to fat chicks.
Don't have to feed hand.

An old sailor song, slightly modified for talk like a pirate day.

There was a young pirate who looked through the glass
Spied a fair mermaid with scales on her……Islands
where seagulls fly over their nests
She combed the long hair that hung over her…..Shoulders
and caused her to tickle and itch
The pirate cried out “there’s a beautiful…..” Mermaid
a sittin’ out there on the rocks,
The crew come a runnin’ a grabbin’ their…..Glasses
and crowded their feet to the rail
In order to share in this fine piece of …….News
which the captain soon heard from his watch
He tied down the wheel, and he reached for his…..Crackers and cheese
which he kept near the door
In case he might someday encounter a …….Mermaid
he knew he must use all his wits,
Crying “ throw out a line! We’ll lasso her……” Flippers
and then we shall certainly find
that mermaids are better before or …..Be brave
my good fellows the captain then said
With fortune we’ll break her mermaid and…….Setting
to starboard they tacked with dispatch
Caught that fair mermaid just under her……Elbows
And hussled her down below decks
Each took a turn at her feminine……Setting
her free at the end of the farce
She splashed in the waves, landing flat on her……After
a while the crew noticed some scabs
Soon they broke out with the pocks and the……scratching
with fury, cursing with spleen
This song may be dull but it’s certainly clean

There once was a blogger named Allah,
A fine, funny, photoshopping fellah,
But pirates he finds,
are gay to his mind.
And about his fat chicks he doesn't want to tell ya.

Aye, I have no limerick for ye.

But soon there'll be poetry in motion on the high seas, and I'm guessing you'll have a favorite in the Volvo.

Arg! : )