Uhm, pardon me for being middle-age-out-of-touch guy, but who is this trollop and why should I care which dirty laundry basket she yanked her linen from?
"Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words. . . . A bubbly, thick, stagnant sound. A sound you could smell. This man worked for a carnival, you dig, and tos tart with, it was like a novelty ventriloquist act. Real funny, too, at first. . . .
After a while, the ass started talking on its own. . . . You could hear him for blocks, screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it. But nothing did any good, and the asshole said to him, "It's you who will shut up in the end, not me. Because, we don't need you around here any more. I can talk, and eat, AND shit".
. . . .After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call "un D.T.", undifferentiated tissue, (herr) which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly, and grow there. Grow anywhere . . . on him . . . grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell.
So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have amputated spontaneous. . . .
Except for the eyes, you dig? That's the one thing the asshole couldn't do, was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophed, so the brain couldn't give orders any more. it was trapped in the skull, sealed off.For awhile, you could see the silent helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eye on the end of a stalk."
Or maybe some crack about "somethin' done bounced up into mah UNdahcarriage" (that line which makes me wish to tear out my hair every time the Dukes of Hazzard movie promo plays.) Although you can pretty much see most of her UNdahcarriage there.
Rumors that George Lucas was looking to cast someone for the "skanky prositute" role in "Mos Eisely Nightfly" ran rampant all throughout the industry this weekend.
Comments
French maid couture? WTF?
Posted by: Lesley | August 29, 2005 12:00 PM
Hey, same eyeliner as the Green Day singer...
Posted by: mrbandw | August 29, 2005 12:10 PM
Sorry, but I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for dirty, filthy, cheap-looking whores (hey, you like the rough guys, fair's fair!).
Posted by: Hubris | August 29, 2005 12:18 PM
Would ya look at the size of that kid's head! It's the size of a planetoid and it has it's own weather system! Looks like an orange on a toothpick!
Posted by: coolrobc | August 29, 2005 12:23 PM
Voulez-vous couchez avec me,
c'est y'all?
Posted by: BumperStickerist | August 29, 2005 12:34 PM
Uhm, pardon me for being middle-age-out-of-touch guy, but who is this trollop and why should I care which dirty laundry basket she yanked her linen from?
Posted by: corsair the rational pirate | August 29, 2005 12:40 PM
Ditto Hubris. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster, Michele.
PS - And no, she CANNOT sing.
Posted by: Bill from INDC | August 29, 2005 12:42 PM
you're looking at the new star of "Starship Troopers III: Shore Leave Fuck Fest."
Posted by: mikey | August 29, 2005 12:43 PM
"She's wearing a saggy diaper that leaks!"
Posted by: Keith | August 29, 2005 12:50 PM
It's not her fault. The hurricane tore off her outfit.
Posted by: JohnAnnArbor | August 29, 2005 01:07 PM
Looks like a parachute malfunction.
Posted by: dorkafork | August 29, 2005 01:12 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a diagnosis.
Posted by: Johno | August 29, 2005 01:14 PM
Well, I was going to say
"Does this make me look cheap?"
or
"Does this make my ass look big?"
but I think Keith's caption is far, far better.
Posted by: ricki | August 29, 2005 01:34 PM
Or maybe some crack about "somethin' done bounced up into mah UNdahcarriage" (that line which makes me wish to tear out my hair every time the Dukes of Hazzard movie promo plays.) Although you can pretty much see most of her UNdahcarriage there.
Posted by: ricki | August 29, 2005 01:37 PM
"What's black and white and slut all over?"
Posted by: Laurence Simon | August 29, 2005 01:43 PM
::RIP::
"Oops, I did it aga--... wait, which one am I?"
Posted by: Mark J | August 29, 2005 01:54 PM
Mmm'kay. Well she's come a LONG way from the church choir singer, hasn't she?
I didnt know Fredericks of Hollywood was her kind of look.
Posted by: Angel | August 29, 2005 02:03 PM
Well I am not nearly as witty as all of you (maybe i can learn) but you all made my morning! I was busting a gut in my living room :) thanks :)
Posted by: Kristen | August 29, 2005 02:55 PM
Rumors that George Lucas was looking to cast someone for the "skanky prositute" role in "Mos Eisely Nightfly" ran rampant all throughout the industry this weekend.
Posted by: Brian | August 29, 2005 03:50 PM
LMFAO - I say the same thing all the time... my boys think I'm nuts!
Posted by: tesco | August 29, 2005 04:44 PM
The "UNdahcarriage" line is such a clunker! As a double entendre, I've seen better on old episodes of the Newlywed Game.
They should have gone all out and just had her say, "How about taking your giant cock and pounding me from behind?"
Posted by: Phinn | August 29, 2005 05:03 PM
please don't wake up, please don't wake up, please don't wake up...
Posted by: dukkillr | August 29, 2005 08:05 PM
To echo Corsair up there a ways... who is this person?
Posted by: Paco Wové | August 29, 2005 08:18 PM
Jessica Simpson?
Posted by: Digger | August 29, 2005 08:22 PM
It's now official--skank is sooooo last year.
Posted by: Chrees | August 29, 2005 08:54 PM
Christina Aguilera- we found your missing costume.
Posted by: h0mi | August 29, 2005 09:58 PM
I bet you all think she has pointy knees too
Posted by: Fark | August 30, 2005 01:53 PM