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Pam Anderson Contest Winners

See contest here.

Sadly, they did not win Pamela, nor even a reasonable fascimile of her. But they did win a copy of her Pulitizer nominated daring work of fiction, Star Struck.

The first winner is JohnO, for:

I removed the clamps hours ago. Yet there they are, throbbing like a jazz-funk bass at an Earth, Wind & Fire concert. I only have 30 minutes before my speech on nanotechnology at M.I.T., so I better find a way to relieve the pain. Let's see...Tylenol, toothpaste, Band-Aids. Hemmoroid cream??!! Crazy, but maybe just crazy enough to work.

The second winner is Farmer Joe with:

Why do my nipples hurt? Well, they say that when your palm itches it means that you're going to come into some money. So in this case, well, let's just say I'm wearing new underwear. Just in case.

Congrats, guys. Please send me your mailing addresses and I'll get your prizes out Monday morning. Saturday, if you're lucky. I know you can't wait.

We're off to the aquarium for the day. Back this evening with 7,000 pictures of marine life.

Thanks to the judges: Solonor, Allah, Seki, Bonnie, Lisa and Jo-Anne.

Comments

OMG WTF LOL!!!111!!!!

Congratulations, you bastards (it's hard to type because of the flow of tears).

Well done.

I was all about the biscuits at the end of your story Hubris...you had my vote because of it! I have been quoting you for the past few days!

It's true, I had to bitchslap her yesterday at work to get her to shut up.

Bon, obviously I'm not there today. Sorry you won't get your daily crack. We're headed to the aquarium.

Thanks Bonnie! That's all I needed, I'll stop bawling now.

Wait a minute, ohsweetjesus we're out of Equal, how am I going to enjoy my coffee...can't...keep...my shit...together...

I'm here for ya, babe.

I just licked the screen.

I had to bitchslap her yesterday

"Prepare for a pride-oblitterating bitchslap."

Thank you. Of course, it's an honor just to be nominated. Since I doubt I would ever get around to reading it, please send my copy to the 5th caller.

Is this the same book that Bea Arthur read from at Pam's roast on Comedy Central the other weekend?

"That's OK, Pam. The coat's fake -- we shaved Bea Arthur's back to make it."