Trying to put together a story fortoday's theme at 100 Words I was reminded of all the overheard conversations I posted here. So, being the courteous, giving and out-of-fresh-blogging-ideas person I am, I decided to gather them all right here for your convenience.
- At a PTA Conference
lady1: man, that really gets my goat.
lady 2: you don't have a goat
lady 1: what?
lady 2: you said it gets your goat. you don't have one. and even if you did, why would anyone want it?
lady 1: christ, it's a figure of speech
lady 2: yea i know. But..goats. you know?
lady 1: man, that really gets my tits
- Also at a conference:
woman 1: this coffee is giving me a stomach ache
woman 2: go poop. you'll feel better
woman 1: yea. I'm gonna go drop some bombs on Afganhistan. Be back in a few.
- In 7-11, by the coffee machine
Girl: What are we going to do tonight?
Guy: (shrugs) we could fuck for three hours or so...
Girl: Uh..I have my period.
Guy: (leeringly) not in your mouth, you don't.
(Girl slaps guy in the head)
Woman 1: Mmmm... I love cheese danish. Let's get those.
Woman 2: Ick..no. My mom bought them once and they tasted like cum.
- My daughter's basketball game:
Natalie (to teammate): What's your problem? You've been squirming around all night!
Girl: I...I have gas. It hurts.
Natalie. So? Fart!
Girl: I can't fart!! That's just so rude.
Natalie: You want to hear my fart motto?
Girl: I guess.
Natalie: Go with the flow, with the gas in your ass!
Girl (giggling): Go with the flow, with the gas in your ass!
Natalie: Yea, go for it!
Girl: (insert long, low fart sound here)
Natalie: See? You look better already.
Girl: I never knew a fart could be so good.
Natalie: Or smell so bad!
- In Staples:
Woman 1: Remember when we were little, and we used to pee behind your pool?
Woman 2: Yea, we peed right in our bathing suits!
Woman 1: And the pee would drip down our legs.
Woman 2: And then we would jump right back in the pool. How gross!
Woman 1: Yea, but the spots on your legs that had pee on them would feel all warm when you hit the cold water.
Woman 2: And then your brother caught us that day and told us that chlorine and pee mixed together would make your legs grow hair on them.
Woman 1: Dick.
(pause in the conversation)
Woman 1: Don't you wish you could just pee in your pants any time you wanted?
Woman 2: That's what Depends are for.
- Reception desk, doctor's office:
Receptionist: "Mr. Green! How have you been?"
Mr. Green (who is about 60 years old and is wearing a layer of gold chains over to go with his wide collar leisure suit): Great! I've got a twenty year old girlfriend and she's still a virgin!"
Receptionist: "Um...that's nice, Mr. Green."
Mr. Green: "Hey, I'm just kidding sweetie. You know I only date whores!"
- Doctor's waiting room, same day as above:
Guy 1 (about 35-40 years old, has that freshly hungover look): "Hey, dude! I haven't seen you in months!
Guy 2: Oh..hey. How you been?
Guy 1: Not bad. Still not working, just drinking and shit.
Guy 2: You still fucking Samantha?
Guy 1: Nah, Samantha is fucking girls now.
Guy 2: Oh, I hear ya on that.
Guy 2: Oh, look there's that sniper thing (looks up at CNN on waiting room television). You know, I thought of you when that shit first happened.
Guy 1: Heh, you thought it was me?
Guy 2: Well, it wouldn't have been the first time you went around shooting people.
woman: What should I make for dinner tonight?
man: Big fat titties!
woman: Excuse me?
man: Big fat titties rubbed in garlic and oil!
woman: (rolling eyes) We had chicken breast on Wednesday.
2 college age workers stacking shelves at Walgreens:
Guy: Hey, that guy was staring at your tits!
Girl: Nah, I don't think so. I've seen him in here before and I think he's gay.
Guy: Honey, even gay guys like tits.
Girl: No they don't!
Guy: Trust me on this one, ok?
Girl stares at guy for a few seconds. Guy blushes.
Girl: OH.MY.GOD! You're GAY! You are, aren't you?
Guy: I've been working here two weeks and you're just figuring that out?
Girl: Well, I...I...
Guy: As if my obsession with Elijah Wood didn't give it away?
Guy: You're horrified, aren't you?
Girl: Dude, I am SO going to fix you up with my brother. You're coming over my house tonight.
Guy: OH, does he look like Elijah??
- Parking lot at work:
Woman 1: You better go read your bible, you fucking whore!
Woman 2: I read the bible and you need to ask for forgiveness you dumb bitch!