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Worst Bands Ever: My List [updated]

[See post below for reference]

  • AC/DC (Yea, they rock out. I even like a lot of their songs. But they were completely talentless. Every song has the same. )
  • The Eagles (sorry, I just find them insipid, bland and dull)
  • Fleetwood Mac (see above)
  • Creed (Maybe if Stapp didn't have the Jesus Christ Pose all the time, I wouldn't care so much as to put them on the list)
  • King Diamond (No presents for Christmas and One Down, One to Go notwithstanding)
  • Dream Theater (talented musicians? Hell, yes? Boring and pretentious? Hell, yes)
  • Aerosmith (I fucking hate Aerosmith. That is all)
  • Kiss (Hey, I was a member of the Kiss army. They were my first live band. I still enjoy them once in a while. But they SUCK)

So much more to come, I'm sure. I'll update throughout the day, because I'm all about drinking the bad band Hatorade.

Update:

As if on cue, Collective Soul comes on my Launchcast station.

Oh, and Jefferson Starship.

HOLY SHIT HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN LIMP BIZKIT??

More: All I have to do is leave my LaunchCast running: EUROPE! Oh, and:

Mr. Big
Damn Yankees
Skid Row
Extreme

Comments

As always I say this under threat of being hunted down for blasphemy by someone, but Stevie Nicks has a voice that creates the sensation of a very splintery wooden spike being driven through the side of my skull.

So the idea is the worst popular band?

Duran Duran.

Ha! THank you for mentioning Collective Soul.

Nickelback anybody?

dude. AC/DC? sure, they weren't the most talented band, but like you said, they rock. they defined head-banging. Angus Young in his schoolboy outfit, stumbling around the stage? that's the epitome of rock, as far as I'm concerned.

but hey, it's your list...

Hooboy - this should be good.

Each of the bands you've listed I agree with - to a point. Depends on what mood I'm in. You and I seem to have different criteria for what qualifies as "good" so we'll probably be talking past each other.

For me, harmony and melody are most important, so I just can't agree about (early) Eagles or Fleetwood Mac.

And I LOVE Kiss in a Spinal-Tap kind of way. Their lyrics are SO bad, but the music makes them sound SO important. Funny.

Cleaned-up Aerosmith was interesting for about 15 minutes. So we agree there. Same with AC/DC . Buy one album, you've got them all.

To paraphrase The Commitments, Dream Theater is musical wanking . But people who plop in the CD know that going in. I like them when I'm in a wankin' mood (musically...).

My razzie goes to ... Oasis. Just yuck.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to suggest Mindless Self Indulgence. Any band that screws up Tom Sawyer that badly needs to be shot towards the Sun.

I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to suggest Mindless Self Indulgence.

Whoa. Them's fighting words.

Hrm, AC/DC had one amazing album Back in Black and there are one of the best bands ever live. But their album output is patchy at best...its just an excuse to tour.

Hootie
Oasis

And speaking of songs that all sound alike, Coldplay. Yawn.

I was SO gonna saw Gwar, but I thought that was a given. lol

Speaking of Creed Michele have you read this?

Can't agree on AC/DC though I would concur that all their songs are basically the same. That doesn't bother me much. They're plenty of bands I like that suffer the same affliction, though perhaps not quite to the same degree that they do.

And Gwar? Yeah their music sucks, and the joke got old pretty quick, but it is ultimately a joke. Worst band ever should be reserved for bands that actually take themselves seriously.

Might I suggest Cradle of Filth?

Ok, Extreme may be teh suck, but none can deny the brilliant cynicism of their pseudo-ballad "More Than Words"...

Rod Stewart.
Toto.
Matchbox 20

Hootie and the Blowfish: a bar band that made it big.

Gwar's nothing special musically, but their concerts are a blast--literally and figuratively!

Most of my musical hatred is reserved for the Dave Matthews Band. Their inoffensiveness--and Dave's marble-mouthed delivery--set my teeth on edge. I had the biggest Nelson Muntz "Ha ha!" moment when they got in trouble for their bus driver's waste-dumping into the Chicago River.

You were doing pretty well, Michele, until you dinged Jefferson Starship. Grrrrr! >:-[

AC/DC

You are dead to me.

Just watch Headbanger's Ball these days and take your pick ... Mastodon, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, Chimera, Lamb of God, In Flames, etc, etc, etc. All sounds like a monkey in a garbage disposal. Such a pity, metal and I have so parted company.

P.S. Skid Row's "Slave to the Grind" was a great album. So there. :P

I agree with your list, less AC/DC. I've always considered them the Punks of rock - You will never get the drawn out leads or ballads from them, just the basic root of rock and roll - complete with the strip-joint male mentality... no politics, no sappy love songs just pure hard rock.

You forgot both Bruce Springsteen and Queen.

Boston and Chicago and, in hindsight, Emerson, Lake, and Palmer

Is there a good band named after a location?

Remember Winger?

Ratt?

Yes Alan, Portishead.

Gwar's nothing special musically, but their concerts are a blast--literally and figuratively!

I think the best part is, say, going into a convenience store after a Gwar show, covered in fake blood.

BAY CITY ROLLERS!

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!

They ended up doing a Sid & Marty Krofft morning cartoon show for cripes sake. They have to be the worst band EVER. Nothing even comes close.

The contrived costumes, the Scottish accents, the ineffective Beatle-mania marketing (dubbed "Rollermania) -- this band was a disaster of epic proportions.

The band was called the The Saxons, but in an attempt to sound more "American" they threw a dart at a map of the U.S. and it landed on Bay City, Michigan. They added the word "rollers" because roller disco was a hot trend in the U.S. at the time -- Cher was doing it.

This band's bio should serve as a textbook on how NOT to market a musical group.

In more recent news, the band's drummer was convicted of downloading child porn and sentenced to community service.

AC/DC really isn't that good, no matter what Bill thinks.

They have approximately three songs. They just change a few words around.

Then again, to get Michele mad at me, I think Mike Patton's never done anything all that good either. Yeah, there were a few good FNM tracks, but Mr. Bungle? Forget it.

Led Zeppelin put out a lot of crappy music, too, but I'm not quite willing to call them a bad band.

The Rolling Stones have been bad since about 1972. Maybe earlier.

Primus. OK, I've never heard their records, but I saw them live once as an opening act. It was like getting teeth pulled, slowly.

Can't agree with you about AC/DC, although I haven't heard a thing they've recorded since "For Those About to Rock."

Bush
Bruce Springsteen (not a band, but fuck him)

Stryper
Warrant
Linkin Park (Yeah I said it...so what!)

Nickleback? Agreed 100% Craprock. As a Canadian, I want to say sorry for Nickleback, I am so ashamed, even more then I am for Celine Dion. But look up pictures of Mitsu that will make it all better, or at least it does for me.

Gwar? Never, Gwar rocks your sox human scum. With songs like "Have You Seen Me?" & "Black And Huge" how could they be the worst band ever? They would need to take themselves seriously for that. I had tickets to see them in ’90, but they were banned from playing because Oderus pissed apple juice out of a massive phallus onto the crowd (amongst other rude stage acts), some parents caught wind of that an made a stink. If you are ever in the mood to read some messed up adventures, read about Dave Brockie A.K.A Oderus Urungus. The guy goes on some serious binges, and is lucky to be alive. Gwar was made up of a bunch of art students.

Oh, dear, I rather like Dream Theater.
"Pretentious" is the word music critics use to mean "I don't get it." "Self indulgent" means "They're not playing what I want them to play."
I don’t know why prog rock gets so much flak for being self-indulgent, while typical “jam/solo” jazz...pretty the most self-indulgent music imaginable...gets a free pass, and even respect. Anyway, what’s so bad about self-indulgence? King Crimson pretty much defines it and they kick ass...and have been doing so since 1969!

Primus is another band that either you get them, or you don't. Les Claypool has been voted best bassist many times over. Primus is just not for everyone, but they don't suck or have the universal bad aura to them.

I'm with you on the current state of American metal, Midgard. All this shouting and screaming, and no songwriting skill. "All my friends got SUVs for their 16th birthdays, and I had to settle for a Toyota Corolla. GRRRR!" Feel the suburban angst!

Have you checked out European bands like Primal Fear, Iron Fire, Iron Savior or Blind Guardian? They take the 80's hair band sound, turn up the amplifiers and guitars, and speed up the tempo. I think you'd dig them. :-)

I am relieved to find that I am not the only person who hates Aerosmith. Steve Tyler is a pale, sucky imitation of Mick Jagger. Although these days Mick Jagger is a pale imitation of his younger self.

I also fucking hate Kiss. Indeed, I never served. Not even in the reserves.

I must confess to loving AC/DC, though. Their lyrics just make me laugh. They are awesome. I once went as Angus Young for Halloween. Bermuda shorts, sneakers, baseball cap, and jacket. I even had the long frizzy hair to do it at the time.

I'm with you on the current state of American metal, Midgard. All this shouting and screaming, and no songwriting skill. "All my friends got SUVs for their 16th birthdays, and I had to settle for a Toyota Corolla. GRRRR!" Feel the suburban angst!
That's one of the reasons why I like Shadows Fall. Some heady, almost progressive lyrics there.
Have you checked out European bands like Primal Fear, Iron Fire, Iron Savior or Blind Guardian? They take the 80's hair band sound, turn up the amplifiers and guitars, and speed up the tempo. I think you'd dig them. :-)
Heh, now you're talking. Don't forget Gamma Ray!

Dream Theater self-indulgent and pretentious?? Have you SEEN Zakk Wylde's band, Black Label Society?? The only reason they make records is so Zakk can get on stage with "the other guys" in his band and masturbate with a guitar... it was the saddest thing I saw at Ozzfest (and I saw plenty of saddness there...)check out the live reincarnations of "Master of Puppets" and "Number of the beast" if you want a laugh... they cover the entire albums... it's great.

I happen to like the great majority of bands you mentioned... although some of them, I'm ALMOST ashamed to admit to... you've hit the proverbial nail right on the head with a few of them... particularly Fleetwood Crap, The Eagles and Jefferson whatever.

I really, really like Black Label Society.

Indeed, Shawn. That or Helloween or Running Wild! :-)

How anyone can defend Jefferson Starship simply boggles the mind...

I'm glad to see so much support for AC/DC, here. They're definitely one of the best bands ever. All of their songs sound the same only in the sense that they all sound like AC/DC (and there ain't nuthin' wrong with that). But I suspect that any true fan can identify any particular AC/DC song within a 2 second "name that tune" challenge. Casual fans (i.e., those who know nothing but what is played on the radio) could do the same for the radio tunes.

@Toren: You rock...as does Dream Theater who, unlike AC/DC, are not afraid to expand beyond their established formula. You can be sure that many, perhaps most, of their most dedicated fans HATE at least one of their albums. Dream Theater get together and write their music, with integrity, and let the listeners wishes (i.e., the market) be damned. As it should be.

I like quite a few of the bands Michele listed. Course I am an 80s rocker so that is no shock. Warrant however were overall pretty cack they had a few alright songs but not many.

I'm a huge Dream Theater fan, in fact, I've got tickets to gigantour with Symphony-X sitting right next to me. I don't think its fair to call that kind of music pretentious, you just have to understand what your getting yourself into before you listen to it. Um, as for bands that suck. I really couldn't stand Good Charlotte or Simple Plan's radio rock that I'd been hearing on Kroq in the past couple years, but of course not Kroq turned 80s-90s, and still sucks cause they play the worst hair metal ever. Also, cradle of filth, wow, they couldnt have done a better job describing themselves in their name.

We're really talking about two (or three with Bob Welch) different bands here, but "bad" Fleetwood Mac should be seperated from early (Peter Green, etc.) Fleetwood Mac.

Oh, and RIP Vassar Clemens.

Tom M.

Basically all rap-metal baring Faith No More is the crap.

Aerosmith? Really? I thought they were one of those bands everyone liked. Turn on the local classic rock station in any market and every other band seems to stink. When did 90s bands start creeping into "classic rock" anyway?

I also agree that every band on the list belongs there--except AC/DC.

I personally despise Chicago. There's a "formula" band if there ever was one. They didn't even give their albums titles--just churned 'em out and gave 'em a number!