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the miracle drug

em.jpgI had yet another tooth yanked today (the last of them to be taken from me in this seemingly endless bout of dental work). The damn thing didn't want to come out. The dentist yanked and yanked and dug and pulled and all the while I clutched the arms of the dental chair so hard I'm surprised I'm not still attached to them.

So, the pain. Ohmyfuckingjesusonapopsiclestick, the pain. I think the dentist jabbed me 40 times with that damn needle so not only is my mouth sore just from being fucked by sharp and prodding dental tools, it's hurting from all the poking and sticking of needles.

I took some codeine when I got home and all it did was make me walk around the house saying "they're coming to get you, barbara....." The pain was still there. So I popped two Excedrin Migraine and crossed my fingers.

Joy of joys, that shit works like a fucking witch doctor's panacea. Ten minutes. TEN MINUTES and the pain and throbbing and bitching and moaning were gone. Ok, so I'm still a little hopped up on the codeine (which is probably evident), but I just want to say, Excedrin Migraine, I love you and I'd have your babies if it were possible, but it's not, and not just because you're not human and don't have a sperm or anything, but because I can't have babies anymore anyhow.

I'd say I'm a bit stoned right now.

Oh god, I hope they don't drag me into the street and beat me to death!

Comments

...a warmly applauding yet cold blooded mob.

I can't have caffiene or else Excedrin is all I'd take. I have to stick with 8 Advil Liquigels at a time.

Works better if you smoke it.

Love the postscript.

Hope you feel better.

You just go to sleep.

I'll deal with the bastards.

(But if you don't go to sleep, well, you brung it on yerself. I may have to call up Goldstein.)

FYI (which you may already know) -- regular Excedrin and Excedrin Migraine are the exact same thing (or were the last I checked).

Tooth pain is strange. I've had toothaches that vicodin couldn't make go away, but two advil did. Over the counter strength advil.

Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Druhhhgggs, I know 'em well. Imagine that pain in your lower back, boopsie... every day... for over six years.

Of course, I was sarcastic even before then, so it's no excuse for being a cynical jerk or sarcastic asshole. I hope the Secretary can forgive me.

BTW: When you say crush, as in "I will not crush your dissent, but I will crush your right to be a jerk", you were speaking metaphorically right? Right?

Try getting underneath my heel and you'll find out.

Man, I haven't been to Jeff Harell's site for a while. What a rant! That's why manic depressives make the best (and worst) commentators - when they go off, THEY GO OFF!

Hope you're better soon, and enjoy your buzz (I won't tell Jeff...)

Excederin Tension is my new drug of choice. Seems to be the only thing lately that will knock out my headaches...even my prescribed migraine medicine has stopped working.

Thank you, Excedrin!

I second what Chad said. Take a look at the contents of regular Excedrin, Excedrin Migraine, and Excedrin Tension. All three contain the same quantities of the same substances. It's a marketing ploy.

It pisses me off something serious, but at least they charge the same for each one. Regardless, I am also a big fan of Excedrin. It's the caffeine that helps sometimes. You could take a Tylenol and a spoonful of coffe grounds and probably get the same effect, though. :)

Just make sure you don't get dry socket. Ohmyfrikengod that will make the pulling-pain seem like a walk in the park. I speak from very recent experience.

The generic version of Excedrin is much less expensive. Oh, and I second the comments of Carin. Even the memory of a dry socket hurts.

I'm with Lisa. That Excedrin Tension Headache stuff is good shit. Helps the pain and doesn't make my stomach go all jihad like aspirin/advil/etc.

Clove Oil.
It's what they pack you with if you get a dry socket. It's around 10 bucks at any health food store. Soak a cotton ball in it, and stick it wherever it hurts. It tastes really bad for about 5 seconds, and then all feeling is gone. All of it.