Short Review of "The Village"
Things I would have rather done with that 1:40:
- Hit myself repeatedly on the head with a ball peen hammer
- Watch 1:40 of Badger Badger Badger
- Discussed foreign policy with the stray cats outside
- Watched Gigli, Showgirls or Kazaam
- Stabbed myself in the eyes with a spork until blind
- Passed a kidney stone
- Watch Fred Durst make his "O" face
- Watched all five of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet videos
M. Night Shyamalan is a hack. Sixth Sense wasn't even as good as people make it out to be. Unbreakable was almost good, but he fucked it up in the end. Signs was the biggest piece of crap ever (ooh the aliens can fly all the way the fuck to earth but they can't figure out how to open a door knob!). And now this. Explain to me why the word "genius" gets bandied about with his name, because I don't understand it. And you know, the movie would have been only twenty minutes long if the characters didn't all speak in slow fucking motion. Listening to the dialogue was like pulling friggin teeth.
Holy hell, this movie sucked ass. It was asscake with assfrosting eaten with an ass spoon. Ass. Ass. Ass.