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QOD in lieu of content

Once again, the insomnia is kicking my ass and, as such, don't really expect much in the way of decent, thought provoking, illuminating, original content from me today. So, just like any other day, then.

Here's a QOD instead, one I've been discussing with others this morning.

Your biggest pet peeve(s). Discuss.

Comments

People who chew with their mouths open and chewing/crunching/smacking noises. If I'm even slightly irritable I have to actively suppress a violent rage.

People who don't wait for others to get off the elevator before getting on.

I actually came up with a form of therapy that teaches people not to do this. When the elevator gets to my floor, I get in a low three-point stance ala Terry Tate, The Office Linebacker. Then as soon as the doors open, I charge out into the lobby roaring like a madman. Any rude people trying to barge into the elevator w/o waiting for people to exit, gets laid the hell out.

Kissing on TV and Film where they feel the need to make noises like someone trying to suck the pips out of an orange.

Yukkk!

People who do not use their turn signals.Here in CA you never have any idea which way some of these clowns will be going next.I consider it another form of rude,self-centered behavior.
The subset is people who do use a signal but go in the opposite direction of said signal. I see it at least once every day.

People who can't walk a straight fuckin' line on the street. Try to pass on the left? They take a diagonal left. Right? Diagonal right. And they have no fuckin clue you're there. Just la di fuckin da.

Pet peeves. I tell ya I got a million of 'em.

Southwest Airlines. Hey, I appreciate how you've run all the other airlines out of business and are making it possible to fly cheaper. But please, give me my own fucking seat. This is an aircraft flight, not a Who concert. Plus, how can the rich people feel superior if they can't pay more for a better seat? The whole thing smacks of socialism.

Since I'm sitting in a library now I am especially peeved by people who carry on an inane conversation about their new deck while I am trying to study. Also, people who let their kids chase each other (while screaming) around the tables and play hide-and-seek in the stacks.

People who take up two spaces in parking lots. If you aren't capable of parking between the lines, then give up your license and take the bus.
(I am willing to make an exception for people who baby their cars and take up two spaces to ensure their car doesn't get dinged if 1) there are tons of open spaces in the lot, and 2) they park their car waaay out at the end of the lot, furthest from everyone else. That still annoys me, but I wouldn't list it as a biggest pet peeve).

Picking up on Jack12's theme: Hummers. In today's age of ecological awareness and conservation, a private citizen driving one of those things is publicly displaying an IQ deficit or moral depravity. They take up two (or three in one case I've witnessed)parking spaces, make it completely impossible to see if it's safe to pull out of your own space, and are so freaking big that they threaten to sideswipe anything within fifty feet of the spot they pull in and out of.

Habitual apostrophe abuse (not that it ever goes one here). How fucking hard is it to just add an "s" or "es" to a word to make it plural? How did some people ever make it out of third grade?

And the elevator thing. Definitely the elevator thing.

That is easy. When you see a police officer rolling up to a red light, then turn on his flashing lights, then as soon as they get through the intersection turn them off again. I actually saw an officer go through three lights this way about a week ago. Wasn't speeding, just didn't want to wait for the light.

People who hang up on someone in the middle of a phone call. You can spend an extra five seconds saying, "I've got to go, bye."

People who talk LOUDLY on their cell phone. I don't mind when you need to make a phone call in a public place, but I don't need to have to actively block it out.

Women who confuse "manners" with "an affront to feminism". If I open a door for you, just walk through. Don't berate me for thousands of years of subjugation.

People who say part of the acronym after said acronym. ATM Machines. PIN Number. SAT Test. HIV Virus. Shut up now, please.

People who actually say "lol", "rofl", and "lmao". I shouldn't have to explain this one.

People who cannot distinguish between opinion and fact. "This movie is the best ever" is an opinion. That means that I can disagree with you and that you cannot refute my disagreement. "This movie was the highest grossing for the year" is a fact. We can research it, and we can determine whether that statement is true or false.

People who spoil the endings of books/movies. No, I'm not bitter.

I have more, but don't have the time to post them.

People who make over-generalized statements about a specific group of people.

People who insist on being noisy and rude in movie theaters.

Cigarette smokers who rag on cigar and pipe smokers.

Rude behaviour from a man towards a lady...even if she's being rude herself.

The Jews.

(obligatory "I kid, I kid!" after that comment)

People who insist on being noisy and rude anywhere they're expected to be quiet. Concerts, library, hospitals, theaters, you name it.

Store clerks who feel compelled to talk to you about your purchases just for the sake of talking. I don't usually mind if they have an actual interest in what I'm buying, but otherwise, they should really just stuff it.

People who constantly confuse your/you're and their/there/they're. Yeah, I know. I'm a prick.

Customer service people who refuse to be helpful.

People who refuse to admit their own mistakes. Anecdote: Went with a co-worker to a burger drive-through to pick up lunch. We read off the office's order, they read it back, we took food back to the office. Missing some food; it wasn't on the receipt either. So we went back and told them they'd screwed up our order. The manager comes over, says he's the one who took our order, and he's sure we must have ordered wrong. I mean, even if we were the ones who made the mistake, how much would it have hurt to make the customers happy?

Must stop now. Must get in good mood - going on vacation tonight.

(obligatory "I kid, I kid!" after that comment)

Dang it, Bill, it woulda been a lot funnier if you'd just gotten Jeff to come over and start a flamewar. Why'd you have to ruin it?

I started a list like this the other day for my own blog. I will add here what I have so far:

People and things (and things that people do) that annoy me

1. People who go on vacation but don’t indicate they’re away in their voice mail, e-mail, etc. This is specifically regarding their office communications. I’m thinking the guy is either fired, dead, or otherwise unresponsive, and that makes my job harder. If no one is covering your voice mail/e-mail, you ought to tell folks who to call while you are away.

2. People who set their office voice mail to something non-descript, i.e. “I can’t take your call now, please leave a message.” You can’t take my call? No kidding! How do I know for sure you are the person to whom I wish to speak to? How about mentioning something like…, I don’t know: YOUR NAME?

3. People who expect you to know what is on their computer screen, even when it is apparent I can’t see it. Especially annoying if they’re in a different state.

4. Drivers who cut you off and then wave, as if that makes it OK. "Did you see that? I nearly hit the bridge abutment because I was cut off… wait, wait… he waved, it’s OK." (I think George Carlin may have pondered this before. Or Jerry Seinfeld...)

5. Toenails and the appendix. Why evolution hasn’t done away with them is beyond me.

6. People who drink decafe coffee while they proselytize that everyone should. “Do you know how much better you’d feel if you drank less caffeine?”

7. People who use the expression “I know what you’re thinking…” No, you don’t. Not a clue. Guaranteed.

8. Overpriced coffee. It’s coffee for Pete’s sake. I must admit some hypocrisy, since I buy it for much-better-half and myself when we’re out.

9. Tip cups at Dunkin’ Donuts.

10. The bastardization of the word ‘doughnuts’.

11. FNC’s overuse of their ‘Fox News Alert’ banner.

12. Overzealous Corporate IT personnel who block feed readers. What the hell else am I supposed to do on my short lunch breaks?

Picking up on Essay's theme: people who complain about another's Hummer (or other SUV) just because the vehilce is bigger and safer than theirs.

I don't own a Hummer, but I hope to one day own one (a real one, certainly not an H3). If I pay through the nose for gas, that's my problem. If it's too big to see around, slow down. We have trucks on the road that are bigger than any Hummer, but we don't disparage them.

I agree that bad drivers are bad for all; but I won't demonize a vehicle because a person behind the wheel can't drive. Hummers don't drive bad, bad drivers do.

people who use the non-word "alot"

I have no doubt in 20 years, Merriam Websters will give up and declare it a word. They caved on "irregardless".

Which I rarely see here in the comments by your dear readers, and they are to be commended for it.

I've just got one that will drive me from calm to murderous rage in the space of a couple of minutes.

People who cruise, and slowly, in the passing lane on the interstate.

I can let everything else in life go.

I'm afraid that I'm going to end up running one of these sonsabitches off the road one of these days.

People who accomplish something by way of an UNEARNED advantage of some sort, and then try to act like it validates them as a superior example of our species.

I'm with Tommy. There should be a thousand dollar fine for driving in the left lane. Pass already, then move the eff over. How hard is that?

too many to list. all of the above.

right up there with "irregardless" - supposably. yeah, dictionary.com lists it as a word. WTF?

OK, two equations for you:
8-7=1
6-5=1
this is the only instance where "same difference" applies. otherwise, it's either "the same thing" or "there's no difference."

oh yeah, and "I could care less..." yes? oh, you mean "I couldn't care less?"

Sort of like comment #5 from Russ...People who walk slow and somehow take up the entire sidewalk. It can be two people but they have just enough spacing that you can't get around or in between them. All the while I'm silently raging behind them because I have to walk really really fast to stay alive.

-People who come in at work and ask how I'm doing, I respond by commenting on how incredibly busy I am, and they then go on to try to engage me in coversation.
-When I'm so busy that I need to eat at my desk while knocking out some computer work, and people take this as a sign that I would like to discuss their issue in between bites of my chicken ceasar salad while they're staring at me.

It isn't a peeve per se, but as a PSA I would mention that there is no such word as "hypocracy." It's hypocrisy. That's the most common error I see, and it ruins what the person usually intends as a high-powered self-righteous rant.

Of course, I make a lot of spelling and grammatical errors. So maybe I'm just a big hypocrate.

Llamas...and CITIZEN JOURNALISTS! who incessently IM each other.

1) Left lane bandits on the highway. I wish we could nuke the Anti-Destinaion League.

2) Extraneous apostrophes. I think people just sort of stick them onto words for no reason other than to alert us to who the idiots are.

The phrase "pet peeve".

Ninnie's that fume over apostrophe abuse.

People who mix up the proper use for the words "borrow" and "lend" (i.e. can you borrow me your grammar book).

I am always tempted to correct them, but I have yet to figure out how to do it without looking like a complete prick.

JoeB: "Anti-Destination League!" That's the funniest thing I've heard today.

Why is it the ADL nearly always drive mini-vans? Charlie said "Hummers don't drive bad, bad drivers do." But somehow the correlation between mini-vans and bad drivers is approaching unity.

Misusing the phrase "to beg the question." "Begging the question" is not interchangeable with "raising the question."

Orchestras that use a cheap sounding organ at the beginning of Also Sprach Zarathustra.

oh yeah, another peeve? when artists/bands mention their own name in their songs. multiple times.

oh yeah, and i hate when people say "for all intensive purposes..." dude, purposes aren't intensive; we're talking about intents and purposes here!

oh! oh! i hate hate hate people who bitch about not being able to lose weight even though they work out, but when you watch them, they're on the recumbent bike for an hour, pedaling at about 2mph, and almost, almost breaking a sweat. but not quite. and then they wonder why they're not losing weight? hey, burn a calorie or two, that might help!

1. Open-mouth chewers/lip smackers.

2. TV weathermen - 'nuff said.

3. People who don't know the difference between "then" and "than."

4. PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPS.

5. Drivers who cut me off, then (see, I know which is which) flip me off like some sort of pre-emptive strike.

6. Peter Jennings.

7. Hardcore, extreme liberals.

8. Hardcore, extreme conservatives.

9. Hardcore, extreme anything.

10. Parents who refuse to ground their children to punish them; not that that alone is a bad thing, but it really bugs me when their excuse is "That just means that I'll have to stay home to keep an eye on them, and why should I punish myself just because my kids are bad?" (That question, by the way, pretty much answers itself - don't you think?)

When my mother wont let me go to Wendys for no other reason than she already has "dinner in the oven".

Tim, re: your #9: even porn?

Charlie: Amen on your last two paragraphs.

Essay: STFU.

1) People who blame inanimate objects (like guns and SUVs) for causing problems/harm/deaths when it takes a human being to operate said object. No gun has ever killed a person because THE GUN decided to. No SUV has ever driven like an idiot without a human being behind the wheel.

2) People who drive the speed limit in the left lane.

2a) mbruce, come and spend a week driving in Minneapolis/St Paul, MN. When you go back to Cali, you'll feel like you're driving in Germany with how polite and courteous and aware the drivers in Cali are. Driving in Cali is a joy for me, I don't have to pretend like I'm on a battlefield. And I can go 80 MPH without a CHP even blinking at me. In MN, unless it's morning rush hour, 80 MPH is a heinous crime, and there isn't a single officer who would let you go without a ticket and a patronizing lecture about public safety. Hell, I got pulled over and warned for 70 in a 55 on my motorcycle on a non-busy Sunday afternoon.

3) Ex-smokers who are insanely anti-smoking and totally for smoking bans (my Dad is one of those, and no, I don't smoke, never have, never will).

4) People who hold up the lines at gas stations or convenience stores to buy $20 worth of lottery tickets and take the time to pick their own numbers.

5) Stupidity (and yes, I understand that my definition of stupidity is my own entirely subjective definition, but it still pisses me off)

p.s. Charlie, as an IT worker, the oversealous IT workers who block news reader feeds are almost always simply being told what to do. Direct your anger at HR and executive management for deciding what is acceptable use of the company network. It's very rare that you run into a network administrator who personally takes offense at someone daring to read blogs or eBay on THEIR network. And always remember, it IS the company's network and if they don't want you reading blogs, your only choice is to go elsewhere.

Management that put unnecessary restrictions on all employees because they themselves lack the brains and/or the backbone to deal with employees who abuse the network/telephone/flex-time individually.

Phoenix - re the food eating/crunching: YES! There used to be a commercial that showed people biting into and chewing up apples that made me ill.

The phrase 'a whole nother' as in "That's a whole nother thing." No such word, folks...it's 'another whole thing" or more correctly "an entirely different thing".

People who discipline their children by adding "okay?" to the end of every request...example: "Johnny, sit down in the grocery cart, okay?" "Susie, no more candy, okay?" When you add the "okay", you might as well tell the kid you're giving him the choice whether to comply or not.

School policies that forbid kids from playing tag at recess, or pushing one another on swings. At this rate, recess will consist of kids sitting around the schoolyard, separated from one another by a safe distance to ensure that no contact will take place and accidentally harm one of the little darlings.

The move against competition in sports that makes EVERY child a winner in order to preserve fragile egos, with Participation Ribbons awarded to all because trophies or recognition of one team's success over another might make the losing team feel bad. There is a benefit to team sports; kids learn how practice and preparation pay off - and even how sometimes people lose even when they've done their best...because that's how the real world operates.

When I come back from lunch to find my boss going through the work I had neatly stacked and organized and making a complete mess of it. Or taking something from my desk and not telling me about it or sitting there on the phone while I have to stand patiently by waiting for him to finish so I can get to work or humiliating me in front of my co-workers and looking at them out of the corner of his eye to see if they are enjoying the show or asking other guys in the department out to lunch on Fridays but neglecting to tell me about it or waiting until 4:30 to tell me he needs a spreadsheet done "yesterday". That ass-munch.

Charlie, as an IT worker, the oversealous IT workers who block news reader feeds are almost always simply being told what to do.

FJBill:

Oh sure, take my rant and use logic to defeat it. I'd give you my reasons why you are wrong.... if I had any.

Alas, I am probably the pet peeve of some HR/exec/IT person somewhere...

People who speed and then complain they get tickets.
The speed limit is the speed limit. 55 65 - most cops will let you go for 5 miles over - but left lane does not mean speeding is acceptable. It means pass the person in front of you and get in the middle lane.

Andy:

Yes, even porn. I don't really get jazzed about being in the room when I'm taking a dump (I'm there because I kinda have to be), let alone watching someone else do it for sexual arousal. And sex that hurts a little bit - in the right way of course - is great; sex that leaves scars (physical more than emotional, although either can apply here) just doesn't hoist my mizzenmast.

People who start lists but don't finish them.

People who flick their cigarete butts out he window of their cars and/or people who feel that it's acceptable to empty their car's ashtray onto the parking lot pavement. Someone's gotta clean that shit up, you idiot.

Office e-mail users who set their e-mail to reply to everyone in the entire company .

Pet owners who leave their pets exposed to the elements with no shelter, food or water for hours on end.

So many good ones here, but I'll try to add a few unique ones:

Mikey, you've highlighted one example of people misunderstanding phrases with "for all intensive purposes." Another one I see a lot, particularly on the political blogs, is "tow the line." As in, moderates "tow the party line." Frickin' morons--if they thought for a second about what the phrase actually means, they'd realize it's "toe the line."

Another thing that seems to have become a fad recently is TV and radio commercials with alarm clocks. I HATE the sound of an alarm clock buzzer. If I accidentally set my clock to the buzzer instead of the radio, I'm usually in a bad mood all day. Why do they have to put that god-awful noise in a commercial???