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he's dead and other stuff

First of all, stop with the emails asking why I'm not saying anything about Scotty dying. News flash: I LOATHE Star Trek. Have you EVER seen me write ANYTHING about Star Trek? No. So why would I go on about Scotty's death when I'm not even a fan of the show? I'm sure all the Trekkie bloggers are covering it just fine without my two cents. (And I'm actually more sad over this death)

Also, apropos of nothing, my daughter spent the day with Rachel Hunter yesterday.

Also, the theme for today's 100 words is JUDGE. I think I was kind of clever with my story. Add your own.

And I leave you with this (headed out until later this evening):

106 Ways To Tell If You Should Start Looking Into Retirement Funds and Cemetery Plots

[I might have made that title up, but I didn't make up the list, which came via email today]

1. You remember when Jordache jeans were cool.

2. In your fifth grade class picture you were wearing an Izod shirt with the collar up.

3. "The Brady Bunch Movie" brought back cool memories.

4. You ever rang someone's doorbell and said, "Landshark".

5. Three words: "Atari", "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?

6. You remember the days when "safe sex" meant that your parents were gone for the weekend.

7. You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini van. You rode in the back of the station wagon and faced the cars behind you.

8. You've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut."

9. You can place each one of the following names Bowser, Chachi, Horshak, Rerun, JJ, and Squiggy.

10. You watched HR Puffenstuff as a child but now that you're older, you really understand that it would have been much better had you known about drugs at the time.

11. You've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phrases: "When I was younger..."or "When I was your age..."or "You know, back when...".

12. "Schoolhouse Rock" played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

13. You're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing.

14. You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna or Cyndi Lauper video.

15. The phrase "Where's the Beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

16. You honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie "SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER".

17. Girls thought Sean Cassidy was dreamy and lusted after Ted, the ship's photographer, on "The Love Boat".

18. You freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50" age category on most questionnaires.

19. Your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting".

20. You've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last 5 years, okay?

21. You're doing absolutely nothing pertaining to your major.

22. You're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

23. U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now.

24. You ever used the phrase "kiss my grits" in conversation.

25. You ever remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the first scene.

26. You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man.

27. You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding on General Hospital".

28. You know who shot J.R.

29. Your parents wanted you to attend medical school but you decided it was pointless since Quincy got all the babes anyway.

30. This rings a bell "...and my name is Charlie. They work for me."

31. You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway To Heaven" on the guitar.

32. You were unsure if Diet Coke would ever catch on, after all, look at Tab.

33. You know all the words to the double album set of Grease.

34. You ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.

35. You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed 867-5309 just to see if Jenny would answer.

36. You owned a pair of rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.

37. You bought a pair of Vaans and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High".

38. You owned a preppy handbook.

39. You were too young to go see the "Blue Lagoon" so you just had to settle for second hand reports.

40. You remember when there was only PG and R....none of this PG 13 crap.

41. You learned to swim about the same time "Jaws" came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.

42. You remember when your cable TV box had the three rows of numbers and you had to move the selector switch accordingly.

43. You actually believed everything Leonard Nimoy told you on "In Search Of...".

44. The "ABC After School Special", "My Mom's Having A Baby", actually taught you stuff you didn't know.

45. Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those 'brick-size' packages of Bazooka gum.

46. There was nothing strange about Bert and Ernie living together.

47. Rotary dial telephones.

48. You actually believed that Mikey, famed for his Life Cereal commercials, died after eating a packet of "Pop Rocks" and drinking a Coke.

49. You searched all over for the jeans with glittery designs on the pockets.

50. Gloria Vanderbilt stretch jeans were the height of fashion.

51. You ever had the poster of Farrah Fawcet-Majors in the one piece swimsuit. Or had the Farrah Fawcet lunchbox or the Farrah binder or spiral notebook.

52. If the phrases "Na-nu Na-nu" or "Shazbatt!" mean anything to you.

53. If you ever secretly practiced your moon-walk.

54. You remember when MTV was new and they played "Video Killed The Radio Star" about a jillion times.

55. You ever thought Bonnie Tyler was a good singer.

56. You tried "Billy Beer".

57. You ever wanted a Ronco product or ever bought a K-Tel record.

58. You had to chew a red tablet after brushing your teeth to see how well you did.

59. If you know the words to Steve Martin's song "King Tut" or ever say......"Well, excuuuuuuuuussse ME!"....or "I'm a WILD and CRAZY GUY!"

60. If you ever "feathered" your hair and walked around with a big comb in your back pocket.

61. If you ever even considered owning "Mood Rings" or "Pet Rocks".

62. "Pacman", "Frogger" and "Centipede, friendship pins, colored hairspray, Martian head bands and you can't get the word "like" out of your vocabulary.

63. This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:

A. "Star Wars" opens, you are just hitting the double digit ages and you think the creatures are WAY cool.

B. "The Empire Strikes Back" opens, you are now in early double digit ages and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are WAY cooler and you want one of every collectible out there.

C. "Return Of The Jedi" hits the theatres.....you are now a full-blown teenager and you cannot take your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or Han Solo's butt.

64. The theme song to the "Greatest American Hero" still comes back to you on occasion...."Believe it or not I am walking on air, I never thought I could be so freeeee, Flying away on a wing and a prayer, Who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just me.

65. You know what a "burnout" is.

66. You owned/operated a 'Trapper Keeper'

67. You know what "Psych" means.

68. Once, while spending hours in the arcade, you actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game-to "reserve" your spot.

69. You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".

70. You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer."

71. You can name at least half of the members of the elite "Brat Pack."

72. You know who Tina Yothers is.

73. You wanted to be a Goonie.

74. You felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for sex with minors and videotaping it, because you liked him.

75. You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your junior high computer lab

76. You know who Max Headroom is.

77. You ever wore fluorescent or neon clothing.

78. You could breakdance, or wish you could.

79. You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.

80. Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.

81. You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.

82. You wanted to be on Star Search.

83. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.

84. You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth, or knew someone who did.

85. You owned a doll with 'Xavier Roberts' signed on its butt.

86. You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout".

87. You HAD to have your MTV

88. You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the Future."

89. You know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name."

90. You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.

91. You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.

92. You heard of Garbage Pail Kids.

93. You knew "The Artist" when he was humbly called "Prince."

94. You actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played "Sam" to be.

95. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.

96. You own(ed) any 'cassette singles.'

97. You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.

98. You remember and/or own any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut. Or any other stupid collection they came out with.

99. Poltergeist freaked you out.

100. You carried you lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.

101. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female Smurf.

102. You wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.

103. You ever had a Swatch Watch.

104. You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.

105. You had WonderWoman or Superman underoos.

106. You know what a "Whammee" is.


I hate you now.

I played "King Tut" in a cover band, years and years after it was a hit, but everybody listening was of the right age to remember all the words.

66. You owned/operated a 'Trapper Keeper'

Guilty as charged. I find it interesting that the list goes from 70's to 80's though.

Gabe, that's because the original title said something about being one of those "tween" boomer people. Too young to be a boomer, too old to be a Gen Xer or something like that.

People that read ASV need their own clique name. Fark has its farkers, so who are we that frequent these hallowed halls?

Wacky packs! garbage pail kids but no wacky packs.. the SHAME.

I don't know, I'm barely old enough to be a Gen Xer and I'm familiar with almost everything on that list.

Maybe that just makes me well rounded?

Good lord! Thanks for throwing my entire life back into my face!

Oh, and I had totally forgotten about those litte red tablets to check if you brushed properly! Man, those were awful.

"Where's the beef?". Hahaha!!! Hooboy!! Now THAT'S funny!

I recognize too many of these. Some I'm too old for. I'm humming the Greatest American Hero song now. Thank you, it got another tune out of my head, though.

I was disappointed to learn of Aparo's death, too. One of the longest-running Batman artists.

OMG I am currently visiting my folks (in my hometown) and I thought the flashbacks couldnt get any worse!! lol Thank God I can go have a beer now....

dude. how can you hate Star Trek?!?!?!?

I don't know if I should feel old or depressed. I am a pop culture slut.
And I just came up with my new blog slogan.

I can hate Star Trek. But it's a love/hate relationship. I love it through Lileks' eyes, but I can't love it enough to actually watch it.

Dear God I am old now.

does this mean I have to stop binge drinking and going to bars?

#34 You ever had a Dorothy Hamill haircut.
Ack! Never, Ever, Ever, doze off even slightly in the chair, or you too might wake up to realize you have a Dorothy Hamill Haircut. In hindsight, I should have killed her stone dead for that piece of professional malpractice...

That's really weird, because my wife and I have been discussing retirement plans/money for the last week. Cemetary plots weren't on the agenda though, but I'm only thirty,so..

U2 is THE BEST!!! :)

reads list

gives Arnold Horshack laugh


[FULL DISCLOSURE] I only liked the original Star Trek series.[/FULL DISCLOSURE]

I tried, I really did, to like the new ones, but despite all the fancy-schmancy special effects (well, for tv) and better actors (well, one -- Patrick Stewart), and the lack of sexy green alien women lusting after the Enterprise males I just couldn't care less about the Next Generation. (And I think that more sexy green alien women or any sex that wasn't the androgynous, careful, respectful -- BOOOORINGGGG -- sort of "sex" the new series (serieses?) had, would have seriously livened up the NG shows. Even the Klingons were dull once they quit being the enemies of the Federation. That Vulcan chick's titties in the last series that I never watched don't count by the way.)

Bah, youngsters...

63A. "Star Wars" opens, you are just hitting the double digit ages and you think the creatures are WAY cool.

I actually had the 35mm print for "Star Wars" in my personal possession for a few hours while transporting it from one theater to another.

70. You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer."

Hammond B-3. With Leslie cabinets. And tube electronics. Or maybe a Wurlitzer "electronic piano," like the Carpenters used.

75. You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your junior high computer lab

No lab in junior high, had to wait for college. An IBM 1130. Fortran IV. Punch cards...

95. You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.

Pong. Built into a table.

96. You own(ed) any 'cassette singles.'

Got any 45 extended-plays? Cassettes were in MONO, and "just for dictation."

Am I dead yet? ;o)

how about owning a portable 8-track player count
a new stereo with an 8-track recorder
i broke my little brothers stretch armstrong
johnny lightning cyclone racetrack
i wanted a trs-80 computer soooo bad
first kid on the block to get pong
the first kid to get a plastic model of the saturn v and lunar module "assembly required"

gawd i'm getting old

as for star trek my mom was a big fan and i had to watch all the repeats till i started memorizing lines if you want good sci-fi try stargate or any non trek related shows

for computer stuff in 9th grade at private school we had a computer hookup to lehigh university no monitor just sheet feed green and white paper and i played hunt the wump wump. oh and i had a sit on it t-shirt and a up your nose with a rubber hose t-shirt

Oh too true...

but what about

Mattel Electronic Football was the most advanced game system


Jimmy: wasn't that 'Hunt the Wumpus'?

My 9th grade computer was a PDP/11 ... same greenbar paper but ALSO with a paper tape feed! (And kids today think floppies are silly!)

Does it make it any worse if you actually know why Smurfette was the only female smurf?

Hoo, boy, am I old! Station wagon trips, yes - back in the days before the movie ratings were G, M, R, and X.

I do remember thinking that breakdancing was cool, not to mention pop-locking.

Trapper Keeper? Max Headroom? Garbage Pail Kids? I don't know what the hell you kids are talking about

"You had a ten-speed."
"You thought When Things Were Rotten was really funny."

Come on, Keith.... sing it with me:

"So when all the other legends
are forgetten,
We'll remember back when
Things Were Rotten!

Hooray for Robin Hood!"

Man, I loved that show.

I remember when Pinball was big in bars and "Pong" came out in arcade version just as I was in College. Asteroids or Battlezone were later my video games of choice.
I'm too old for some of these.

Can you place:
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
"You ate it Ralph."


"Take two Alka-Seltzer"

Actually, now that I think of it...

"Momma-mia! That'sa spicy meat ball"

(Yes, I am that old)

Guess I'm past retirement planning and need to hurry up on that cemetary plot - lots of this stuff happened about the time I married my first wife. Commodore 64 in my junior high school? Hell, I went to college with a slide rule on my belt!

Commodore 64 in my junior high school?
Not out when I was in Junior High, but I did get a RS Color Computer in my mid 20's (still pre-PC). I played on programming in Motorola 6809 Assembly Language, and got for four color computer to display 16 colors. I did get one article (Basic Game) published in 80 Micro.

I was published in the October 1979 DDJ, back when it used the original full name. I was at my last duty station prior to leaving the Navy when that came out.

Actually, I looked quite good with a Dorothy Hamill haircut. A variation on it looks really good on my 7 year old right now. Of course I had to find a hair dresser who knew what the heck I was talking about....

I haven't had anything from Benetton in over 20 years.

But I love Greatest American Hero, and it's theme. And I still think "When things were rotten" is funny.

As far as SNL is concerned, I remember watching Chevy Chase and we still use "Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead" as a catch phrase.

I just googled the General and he died in 1975. I think I'm definitely dating myself. As long as no one ever asks if I'm my daughter's grandmother, I'll be fine.

#93 U knew the "Artist" when he was humbly called "PRINCE", I truly love Prince's old music & He's new music He's the Best of them all. I must be old cuz' i been his fan over 20yrs.
And i do recognize alot of these. YES I'M 2 OLD!!!