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and babies grow in the garden........

When I look back at the things I used to believe when I was a child, I realize why I am such a cynic and a skeptic. Everything I once thought was the truth was either a lie or some ridiculous notion made up in my head.

When I was a wee, wee child, I thought that there were tiny musicians who lived inside the stereo speakers and played songs for us. As I got a little older, I realized how silly this was. So I then convinced myself that the bands that were playing on the radio were actually at the radio station, playing the songs live. It boggled my mind when I tried to figure out how they could get from one radio station to another so fast. Shortly after that, I received my first record player and figured out that David Cassidy had somehow stuck his voice on that piece of black vinyl and he was not, to my dissapointment, inside my speakers or in my house.

I believed that God had nothing to do all day but sit up on a cloud with a notebook and pen, recording every single one of my misdeeds. At night, he would read the list off to my mother so she could punish me accordingly. How else would my mother have known that it was me who spilled her bingo chips down the toilet bowl?

I believed that if I got a cold sore or bit my tongue, was a punishment for lying or saying a bad word.

I believed if I stepped on a crack I would indeed break my mother's back.

I believed that if I stepped on an ant, it would rain.

I believed that somewhere, in some strange country, it really did rain cats and dogs. Then I took that one step further and figured that's where cats and dogs came from and there was someone at the pet adoption place that would watch the weather in that strange country and when it rained there, he would go and collect the cats and dogs in a big bucket and bring them back here to sell to kids.

I believed that thunder was the angels bowling and lightning happened when one of the angels got a strike. I never believed that rain was God crying, but I did believe my neighbor Frankie when he told me that rain was God peeing.

I believed that when a woman wanted a baby, all she had to do was fill out an application at the hospital and they would give her a pill that made a baby grow in her belly. I believed that Frankie was lying when he told me that babies came out of a woman's vagina. I even laughed at him. I believed that if you swallowed a watermelon seed and some dirt, you could grow watermelons in your stomach.

I believed that if I got a splinter and didn't take it out right away, it would travel in my blood right to my heart and pierce it.

I would never say that "now I lay me down to sleep" prayer because I believed it was like asking for death.

I believed that when you drove past a cemetery, you had to hold your breath or the living dead would come and get you.

I used to believe that a person was alloted only so many words they could speak out loud in their lifetime and I would probably run out of words before I died. That's when I began writing my thoughts down instead of speaking them.

I used to believe my action figures and stuffed animals came alive at night.

I used to believe that 40 was old.

What did you believe?

Comments

Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball.... Oh wait that was someone else's beliefs.

When I see police cruisers it's hard for me to think there are people inside them. Instead I think that the cars themselves are alive and drive around by themselves.

Much more practical: Hold your breath when passing a cemetery or you would never ever get another hit. I am sure that my baseball career was stymied because I had to march in the Memorial Day parade, which ended at the cemetery every year. Tough to hold your breath for the amount of time necessary for the service which followed, much less play an instrument.

Your action figure don't come alive at night anymore? When did that stop happening? Bummer.

I used to believe that Santa Claus had hidden microphones in the plastic Christmas elves that my mother put up each year. But only because she told me that!

40 is old, but who cares?

I used to believe schools had Permanent Records that they would eventually mail to God on Doomsday so I'd have to Answer for Everything I've Ever Done.

I believed that when you drove past a cemetery, you had to hold your breath or the living dead would come and get you.

Explains a lot. :)

I was a natural born skeptic. Very savvy and not prone to magical thinking. It's only lately that I have experienced a deepening faith, and begun to believe David Cassidy is in my speakers.

(Also 40 is old. I should know, I just turned 43.)

I did used to think, at age 3, that English was the "real" language, and that other languages needed to be translated in the heads of foreigners before they could understand them. Not sure why I thought this.

And, oh yeah... I thought Lassie was real and was really lost, and I looked for her on car trips.

I thought that red lights actually stopped cars...I could FEEL the magic stopping force of red lights whenever my mom approached one(inertia). The first time I saw a guy run a red light, it blew my mind.

I thought teachers stayed at school. The first time I saw one at a store, it blew my mind.

I knew babies came from women's...uh...tummies. I thought that it just happened randomly. That's why married and unmarried women could have them at various ages.

I used to believe that the butt cheeks were where the poop was stored.

I used to believe that if a couple wanted a girl, there was no...uhh, intervention required by the husband.

I used to believe that the U.S. was the only free country in the world.

I used to believe shouting "Rain, Rain, Go Away!" kept the storms at bay.

I used to believe chocolate milk came from the black cows. And that my mother was conjuring up "magic 7 ups" when I wanted one.

I was quite disappointed to discover Nestle Quick, and the stash of 7ups on top of the fridge.

I also remember being disappointed when we drove across the state line and everything looked the same. For some reason, I expected the next state to look really different.

I used to believe that teachers lived at the school.

I believed that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls.

I used to believe the cat/dog gender thing, too. And that my parents would live forever.

There's a great website for this:

http://www.iusedtobelieve.com/

It's sometimes hilarious, sometimes sad, and sometimes myth busting. Whenever I visit, I get stuck there for hours.

Hey, I still believe all those things you just posted. That's why I can't sleep at night.

"I believed that when you drove past a cemetery, you had to hold your breath or the living dead would come and get you."

Wait, you mean that's not true? I'm still going to do it just to be on the safe side. ;-)

Well, not beliefs, as such, because of course I have always been totally rational and reality based ;) but I did have some unreasonable fears. The fact that I knew they were unreasonable didn't help.

I was afraid of pictures of snakes and spiders until at least the sixth grade, long after I stopped being afraid of the real things. I knew for sure, though, that if I didn't touch them they couldn't hurt me.

One cold day I was playing with a model airplane, and accidentally put my hand in the prop. Didn't think much of it, until I noticed the blood clotting. Then I ran screaming into the house, terrified that I was freezing solid.

My grandmother, who lived on a farm and got her water from a well, had a threatening, octopodish pump in the utility room. You had to walk past it to get to the home-canned vegetables (the fetching of which was a frequently-assigned chore), or to wash your hands in the sink (required; no handwashing in the kitchen sink). I couldn't even look at it. Sometimes it would start up when I was in the room, scaring me half to death every time.

Speaking of that room, I was once told to wash the fresh-from-the-garden lettuce. Of course I used soap.

I had a child's first book of atomic energy, which featured a very scary picture of a terrifying guy with wild hair. I learned which page that picture was on, and would try to skip over it. Eventually I learned it was Einstein.

One time when I was playing with a spring launched rocket in the basement, I fired it, and it didn't come back down. I figured the launch had been a great success, and that it had gone through the house and into orbit. A few days later, I noticed it stuck in the joists. A great disappointment.

I used to believe that the butt cheeks were where the poop was stored.
I'm with Treacher on that one. I never could figure out why my butt didn't change shape after a visit to the bathroom...

Also, I believed that salt and pepper were opposites and would neutralize each other.
Too much salt? Add pepper.
Too much pepper? Add salt.

The closet door had to be completely closed when I went to bed -- even the tiniest crack would let the monsters out.

And once in bed, NEVER EVER get out until morning...cuz the minute you stepped onto the floor a monster would grab you by the ankles, drag you under and you'd never been seen again.

I used to sneak into my younger sister's room when she wasn't there and dress her dolls (she'd toss them, naked, into the toy box)..I just KNEW they were embarassed and cold.

Oh! And the high school wasn't that far from my grade school and I would look with longing at those "big kids" and think it would be forever until I got to go there and be as "cool."

Thanks to my brother, I believed that farmers had to have 100 cows in their pasture and that they had to count how many cows were laying down, then call the local tv station to tell the weathermen the percent chance of rain.

I remember when I was little and when I'd see kids a couple years younger than me, I'd think to myself, "man, they sure are making kids smaller these days." It never occurred to me at the time that I as growing and they were all normal sized.

I used to believe that we pledged allegiance to the flag, and to the republic, for Richard Stans.

I used to believe that there were monsters under my bed, but if I got a running start and leaped into the bed, they couldn't catch me. And once I was under the covers, I was safe.

Our town has two water towers and when I was little, I believed one was hot water and the other cold.

I used to believe that being completely covered by my blanket meant no monster in the room could get me. Along with that, if any part of my body hung over the side of the bed, whatever lurked in the room would snatch me.

On the more disgusting side, I used to believe that when you ate, the food fell all the way down into your feet, and slowly built up over time. When the pile got up to your mouth, you threw up.

For some reason, I got it into my head (this would be about age 8) that the consumption of some unspecified but no doubt huge number of donut holes would create a hormonal imbalance that would result in an overnight sex change.

How many? I know it has to be more than twenty-four. (Don't even ask.)

When I was in Kindergarten, we did a production about America. One kid had to due a monologue about Uncle Sam. I thought he was talking about HIS Uncle Sam.

When I was a kid, I read a book about Jesus sitting on a rock and talking to the kids. For a long time after that, I thought Jesus made appearances at shopping malls to talk to kids.

I used to have a portable record player on which I'd listen to story records. I always pictured the stories happening actually inside the record player with actors, scenery and everything else that was needed.

I also used to believe that there was only a certain time of year that everything became "magical". This was due to the fact that the annual airings of the Wizard of Oz and magician Doug Henning's annual TV specials were usually on within two weeks of each other.

When I was a kid, I believed that clouds were made out of splinters.

When I was a kid I believed that every day at noon the communists were trying to come get us.

I lived next to Barksdale AFB and the air raid sirens went off at noon each day. I asked one day, and was told they were to warn us of when the commies were coming so the planes could go fight them.

I use to belive that the children were our future, feed them well and let them feel the way. Oh wait, that Whitney Houston.

I use to think that I was held back in Kindergarten. My brother told me that. It didn't occur to me until I was 30 that if I did kindergarten twice, I would be the oldest in the class, not the youngest

I use to believe that you could only go food shopping if you had coupons. Again my brother.

Apparently, I use to think my brother knew everything. Sometimes I still wish I did think that.

I believed that if, when you slept, you hung your arm or leg over the edge of the bed that there was a very VERY good chance that it would get either sawed off or lopped off by a very big knife.

I still kinda sorta believe that.

I believed that girls only had to go to 11th grade but boys had to go to 12th grade. Girls could keep going if they wanted to, of course.

I believed my father when he said my mother could eat so much because she had a hollow leg, and I wondered if I'd inherited it, too.

Like Michele, I believed that praying Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep was just asking for it.

I believed that husbands and wives prayed together to have babies and God decided who was ready and who wasn't. I wondered how God decided when the cat was ready and how he kept track of such things for every animal in the world.

I believed the government was wise and good, that our president was the richest man in the world, and that if I didn't get a chance to ask Jesus to forgive a sin and got hit by a bus, I was going to hell and it was just my own bad luck.

I'm a Frisbyterian. We believe that when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can't get it down.

I believed that husbands and wives prayed together to have babies and God decided who was ready and who wasn't. I wondered how God decided when the cat was ready . . .

BWAH. Love it.

I have a huge fondness for this topic. I read through as much of iusedtobelieve.com as I could, and it seems like the most spectacular beliefs were instilled by siblings. I didn't have any of those, so I guess I just had pretty typical misconceptions. At first I believed that women gave birth to girl babies and men gave birth to boy babies. Mom set me straight on that, but didn't explain further, since I was just four. After that, I thought sperm (which I'd heard of) went into ladies' tummies after French kissing.

There was a single thin, bulbous shadow outside my window for several years. Some nights it was longer, and some shorter. I thought it was a long-necked alien, observing me for spooky alien science reasons, and that if I held very still he wouldn't do anything else. Eventually, the shadow disappeared, which was also creepy and made me wonder. It took until pretty much now for me to realize that the shadow was a streetlamp, and that it was blocked out by the growth of new tree branches.

When I was 3 my older brother convinced me that I was adopted, not just adopted put picked up at the pound. Since I couldn't read at the time he got a peice of paper that had been typed on and showed it to me as proof. I went crying to my mom and she explained the whole trick to me.

I used to make room in my bed at night so my guardian angel could lay down and sleep, too - I figured he was tired after following me around all day.

I used to think that the world existed inside a shoebox that sat on the kitchen table in a giant's house. He watched us all the time. At night when he went to bed, he'd put the lid on so we couldn't get out - but he poked holes in the lid so we could breathe. And so we wouldn't be afraid of the dark, he left the kitchen light on - which explained the lights in the sky at night.

I believed there was an alligator at the end of my bed and slept with my feet pulled way up for years.

When I was 7, my friends and I really believed that all we needed was some silver and blue paint, a short, round metal trashcan, some wires and some wheels and we could make our very own R2D2.

We were crushed when we realized none of us knew dick about robotics.

When i was little I used to believe that equality really existed all across the world and that they people who said it didn't were just trying to scare us.

I once made my sister believe that when you are born you are born with two extra heads, one on each shoulder and that your collar bone was where the doctor pushed the neck down. She also thought that we had tails, and that if she lied too much the tiny bomb in her mind that was put there would go off and she would die.