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Listomatic: Working Towards 100 Quotes [Updated]

See the rules and updates on the end of this post. I'm going to get to 100 today if it kills me. Which it may.

The question has arisen at to what makes a quote great. I would say that ....I don't know. If it's something you repeat over and over, if you laugh/cry every time you hear/say it, if you use it in everyday life, if it had some kind of huge impact in the way the plot played out, if people remember the movie specifically by that line....I don't know! It's all so personal and subjective. Just have fun, k?

This is my PERSONAL list of 100, in progress, and just for shits and giggles, I'm leaving off the movie so y'all can guess, but I'm guessing the guessing will be easy. I'm going to be adding/deleting/adding continuously all day until I get to 100. How long do you think it will take me? An hour? Seven hours? 22 minutes?

/caffeine overdose

Update: This picking ONE from each movie nonsense is hard. Who made these rules? Kill her!

  1. Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.
  2. Lighten up, Francis
  3. Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.
  4. Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.
  5. Janet, you rock my world.
  6. Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?
  7. I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
  8. Always some white boy gotta invoke the holy trilogy
  9. Yeah, and maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot.
  11. Hi. How are you? My name's Elliot, and I'm with the Cub Scouts of America. We're... we're selling uncut cocaine to get to the jamboree.
  12. Death is... whimsical... today
  13. You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
  14. Sorry about the mess
  15. Someone is either a smoker or a non-smoker, there's no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are and be that.
  16. ...Now go away before I taunt you a second time
  17. We're going to Federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!
  18. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die
  19. Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi Party!
  20. They're coming to get you, Barbara
  21. Excuse me while I whip this out
  22. I said good day.
  23. Do the chickens have large talons?
  24. Oh yeah, baby, you won't be able to shit right for a week!
  25. All we got on this team are a buncha Jews, spics, niggers, pansies, and a booger-eatin' moron!
  26. put ... the candle ... back
  27. Oh my God, the quarterback is toast
  28. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
  29. I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
  30. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime
  31. Shall we play a game?
  32. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.
  33. Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right.
  34. Fuck is the worst word that you
  35. Even the smallest person can change the course of the future
  36. Laugh it up, fuzzball.
  37. Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
  38. The price is wrong, bitch
  39. So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social.
  40. They brought their fuckin' TOYS with 'em
  41. You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity. Farewell.
  42. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever
  43. I'm a god. I'm not the God... I don't think.
  44. I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
  45. All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
  46. Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?
  47. I'm George, George McFly. I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.
  48. Mul-ti-pass
  49. ...I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
  50. ..But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

(I screwed up the numbering on the Christmas Vacation quote, so I tacked it on the bottom so as not to screw up the rest of the numbering)

And I'm done for now, will pick up this evening.


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AFI has released a list of Top 100 Movie Quotes. Starts off good, but boy, toward the end? I mean, "On Golden Pond?" What the hell is that about? [Read More]


3. Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

Better Off Dead

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

7. Say Anything

13. The Ref

Your list is already funnier and better than anything AFI put together!

(getting the easy ones out of the way)
#10 Pulp Fiction (which appears to have missed the AFI top 100?!) - in fact on their top 400, they only had "bring out the gimp" and "a royale with cheese" as their quotes. Sad. Very sad.

#14 Star Wars - highly quotable, and the top 400 had four quotes - missing was - I have a bad feeling about this.

2. Stripes
6. Real Genius
16. Holy Grail
19. The Producers

14. Star Wars (or A New Hope, if you prefer)

1. Big Lebowski
9. Army of Darkness
10. Pulp Fiction
14. Star Wars
17. Office Space
18. Blade Runner
20. Night of the Living Dead
21. Blazing Saddles

1. Lebowski
2. Stripes
4. Repo Man

Sadly no Kevin Smith in your list, a simple oversight, I'm sure. :)

"I'm not supposed to be here today!"

" "Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets."

"Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator."

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega."

Ok, not exactly classics, but near and dear to my heart.

Ok, #8 is Chasing Amy, I sit corrected.

22. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
27. Die Hard
30. Mallrats (I miss hockey)

I want my two dollars!! - How does no one have that??

Ah, good old #21. I know I'm going to hell for it, but whenever the consort asks me to do something I don't want to do I can't help but answer "Up yours, n*gger."
Context is everything.

p.s. It's important to use the Sweet Little Old Lady Voice™ when saying the above quote.

Another missing gem (with the lead in...)

Col Vogel: What does the diary tell you that it doesn't tell us? (about to slap Prof. Jones)

Prof. Jones: It tells me that goose-stepping morons like yourself should try reading books instead of burning them.

Hope you don’t Michele, but I am hawking a trivia question I've posted at Plum Crazy regarding one of last night’s quotes. URL is http://www.houseofplum.com/plumcrazy/archives/009697.html#009697

26. Young Frankenstein

37. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

31 is Wargames
32 is Ghostbusters
36 is another Star Wars
38 is from the hilarious Bob Barker scene in Happy Gilmore

33. Hackers
36. ESB
38. Happy Gilmore
41. Toy Story
43. Groundhog Day

Oh, and 23: Napoleon!

47. Back to the Future

48: Fifth Element.

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams."

"Some mother fucker is always trying to ice skate uphill."

"I'll turn him into a flea, a harmless, little flea, and then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives...I'll smash it with a hammer"


"That'll do pig."

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."

"Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off."

"On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I saw the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building... And when they pulled the driver's body from the twisted, burning wreck. It looked like this..."

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die."

"Ha-ha, you fool. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line."

"Then take a valium like a normal person."

Desperately Seeking Susan

"hand me the keys you cocksucker.
In english please?
hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?"

Not now.
well a girl has got to have her standards

"Hail to the king, baby."

"It's down there somewhere. Let me take another look."

"Life is pain, Princess. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

"In the immortal words of Socrates - 'I drank what?'"

41 sounds like John's speech to Bryan in season 3 of The Apprentice. Who knew he was quoting Buzz Lightyear?

How did you forget...

"If someone asks you if you are a god, you say YES."

Who said I forgot? Maybe I just liked another quote from that movie better.

[insert wry smiley face here]

You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!

Trying to tackle a few that haven't been named yet:

12. The Professional / Léon (93% sure, correlating with Michele's fondness for G.O.)
39. The Breakfast Club

I'm pretty sure 42 is from The Crow. Right?

28. The Jerk (back when Steve Martin was funny)
35. Lord of the Rings

you guys are forgetting an all time classic


or from the same movie


and how about Aliens

"that's it, man, we're done for, game over man, game over" (maybe that's not word for word)


"Get away from her you BITCH!!!" (when Ripley confronts the queen in her robot thingie to save the child)

OK, I'm tackling the ones that I don't see answers for. It's scary that we like the same movies.
4- This is Spinal Tap
11- True Romance
15- Dead again
24- Bad Santa (loved it)
25- Bad News Bears (I think)
29- Clerks
34- Mr. Garrison singing in South Park, Bigger, Badder, and uncut
44- Nat'l Lampoons Vacation
45 Fast Times at Ridgemont High (loved it again)
46- Shaun of the Dead
49- Christmas Vacation
50- Goonies (still watch it all the time)

40 is from a hockey movie, I think, but I can't remember which one.

I believe that leaves just

40:slap shot


5: Singles

Excellent work, all.

"Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see... But I still love technology... Always and forever."

Great blog!