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Not even drudge gave this a headline

This is what's on the FOX news page right now.

For some reason I cannot fathom, it has pissed me off beyond reason.

No, I'm not pissed off that Tom Cruise is getting married.
I'm not pissed off that Katie Holmes is now unavailable.
I'm not pissed off that they are going to indirectly spawn the evil seed of L. Ron Hubbard.

I am seething with this uncontrollable anger (not really, but kind of) that this is the kind of news that warrants a bright yellow breaking news space.

That bright yellow space is usually where things like "train derailment kills 20" or "Feds lower interest rates" or "Dick Clark dies, proves he's not a cyborg" go. Sure, I've seen pretty unimportant things in that space, but nothing as unimportant or irrelevant as this.

Another earthquake has just hit California. Some guy was arrested who allegedly has abused 36,000 kids. Millions of Ford vehicles may spontaneously combust. That's news.

I'm not mad at FOX for putting it up there. After all, I'm sure their market research shows that's what their viewers/readers are interested in. They are just pandering to the "We thrive on news about spoiled, rich, beautiful people who don't give a fuck if we even exist" crowd. The people who read Star magazine like it's The Economist, the people for whom Entertainment Tonight is their sole news source, the people who can tell you the names of Nicole Kidman's children and what color dress Cher wore to the Oscars in 1987.

Those are the people I'm mad at right now. The people who are so damn vacuous that their lives hinge on what's going on in the personal lives of the Hollywood elite. Those who could not hold a thirty second conversation with you about world news without saying "I don't know" three times but who think that Tom Cruise's publicity stunt proposal to Katie Holmes is earth shattering news. I'm mad at them because it's their fualt the news sites put this crap in a breaking news banners.

I know I talk about celebrities. I sometimes engage in idle star-studded gossip. I was once fascinated with the boobs of Lindsay Lohan. I watch awards shows and maybe I have furthered a celebrity rumor or two. But it's a small, small, part of my world, because in my world, the news of two overpriced, overrated, plastered-on-smile actors getting engaged would never warrant a breaking news alert. That it does to some people and that FOX news thinks there are enough of those people out there who care, well, I find that just fucking appalling.

And good morning to you!

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Comments

I wonder if our folks felt the same way about Tracy and Hepburn?

I don't know about yours, but mine would not have cared to see Tracy and Hepburn romantic news splashed on the cover of their daily paper.

My mother was more into the Elvis/Priscilla thing, anyhow.

Oh, you mean the idiots who hung on every breathless announcement about the type of donuts being served in the Michael Jackson jury room?

They served donuts?!?!?!

Countdown for Dick Clark, folks. Michele just jinxed him.

If I didn't get the Fox Breaking News on celebrities, how would I know if everything was right in the world? But, you know, I'm pulling for Katie and Tom. Their love is an inspiration to me. I was crushed when Tom and Nicole broke up. Stayed in my bed for a week.

From your picture it looks like Tom and Katie are "engaged" in street to street fighting.

Now THAT would be headline news.

I think that's tom standing next to the telephone pole in the background. Maybe too tall though.

The special effects guys in his movies should win oscars for making him appear to be taller than 4'11"

Or at least a golden globe.

I show my contempt for celebrities by awarding points when they die.

Speaking of Lohan, she was on the Tonight Show last night, and she has the face of a middle-aged woman now. Losing that much weight is just bad for you.

But it's Tom Cruise, Michele, Tom Cruise!

Have you no compassion?!?

The worst part is that Katie Holmes must have gotten sucked into the cult if they're allowing this marriage to proceed.

Okay, that's second worst. The worst is that Cruise hasn't had some sort of horribly disfiguring fire-related accident no matter how many pennies I chuck into every fountain I see.

Dimes, David. You gotta give the dimes if you want mutilation.

I was once fascinated with the boobs of Lindsay Lohan.

"Once"?

Such is the mania for pop culture, even respected polling orgs are doing Star Wars polls.

"Once"?

They seemed to have shrunk.

Hmm, I wonder what a scientological wedding is like...

Shawn, I've been to a Catholic/Scientology wedding (yes, really). The Scientology part was, well... most of the people attending were trying really hard to not giggle. The officiant woman made me feel like I was at an encounter group instead of a wedding. It was just odd. I wish I could better describe it in writing, because it was memorable if nothing else.

Eh, I guess I should admit that I am that superficial. Escapism, she's a seductive bitch.

And I though Cruise was really good in Collateral.

"Do you audit this thetan to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

(with feeling) "I do."

"Do you audit this thetan to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

(less feeling) "I do."

"Do you audit this thetan to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

(no emotion) "I do."

"I now pronounce you clear. You may give me money."

Well, I see that the entertainment media is referring to them as TomKat.

le sigh

Possibly more interesting than a cult wedding:

http://takebackthememorial.org/

At least it's something to do Monday for any bored New Yorkers....

marc - That's Zogby, so he's probably wrong anyway.

You cut off the headline! The whole thinf reads: "Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Engaged Irsurgents in Baghdad Last Night: 6 Dead, Katie Shot in Hair"

You cut off the headline! The whole thing reads: "Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Engaged Insurgents in Baghdad Last Night: 6 Dead, Katie Shot in Hair"

"Some guy was arrested who allegedly has abused 36,000 kids."

And at one a day, he'd get done in only a little over 100 years. So that seems entirely plausible and worth passing on.

Gary, I was merely saying what the top headlines of the day were. It was on every news site, on the front page, no less. Complain to them, not me.

I find it amusing that you haven't been by here in ages and you stop in to nitpick on one little thing that probably isn't even worth nitpicking about.

Oh, I'm sorry. He didn't molest 36,000 kids. But he probably molested hundreds if not thousands. Do I owe this cretin an apology? Did I disparage the good name of an alleged serial child molestor, one who kept meticulous notes about the boys he touched, fondled, and did whatever else to?

Pick your battles, Gary. This shouldn't be one of them. And try to stay within the spirit of a post, ok? Unwad the panties.