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comedy gold

Further stretching the topic here - the funniest moments on sitcoms that I can think of off the top of my head. I'm not saying what shows they are from. You know. Or do you?

  • Chuckles the Clown
  • The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to
    return soup at a deli
  • As god as my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly
  • What does a yellow light mean?
  • The password is....graphite
  • Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?
  • Warp Speed, Dammit! The Complete Rants of William Shatner

I'll think of more as I watch this comedy show. Or you can think of more.


Mary Tyler Moore, Seinfeld (but, was it a Titleist?), WKRP in Cincinnatti. Sadly, I do not know the rest.

"I'm not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with it."

Seinfeld, verry funny:

Kramer: If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.

At Yankees batting practice]
George Costanza: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant.
[Hits a home run]
George Costanza: It's not complicated.
Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?
George Costanza: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.
Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Costanza: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?
Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.
George Costanza: In six games.

Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Cosmo Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No, I don't.
Cosmo Kramer: But they do, and they're the ones writing it off.
Kramer: You know Darren, if you would have told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you're crazy... Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window.

What does a yellow light mean?

Slow down.

What.. does.. a.. yellow.. light.. mean?

Slow down!

What... does... a... yellow... light... mean?

First one- dunno
2nd- sounds like Seinfeld
3rd- WKRP
4th (guessing)- Taxi
5th- no clue
6th- Cheers
7th- ???

and I checked out the previous topic- I am not sure that I am much of a fan of Mr. Belvedere, but I am a big Brachtoon (sp?) fan. One of the funniest things I ever saw.

Oscar (growling): "Aristophenes..."
Felix: "Ridiculous!"

Thank you, Ed.

(Weird - I was leaving a comment on your blog at the exact moment you were leaving one here)

Guessed them all but "the password is graphite"

Last two are easy...

Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen? = Cheers, when Cliff blows final jeopardy.

Warp Speed, Dammit! The Complete Rants of William Shatner - the book George takei is hawking at a convention attended by Third rock from the sun characters.

My favorite sitcom moment isn't funny, it's creepy ... it's when laura slides out of the front hall closet on a wave of walnuts. Sans thumbs.

Nothing from Newsradio? An outrage!

Dave: "Bill, have you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?'"
Bill: "Have you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then toss it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you asked for in the first place'?"


Mr. James: "The original title of this book was 'Jimmy James, Capitalist Lion Tamer,' but I see now that it's ... 'Jimmy James, Macho Business Donkey Wrestler'.... You know what it is, I had the book translated in to Japanese and then back again into English. Macho Business Donkey Wrestler. Well, there you go. It's got kind of a ring to it, don't it? Anyway, I wanted to read from chapter three, which is the story of my first rise to financial prominence: 'I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street. Many days no business come to my hut... my hut.... But Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no! I never doubted myself for a minute, for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo [turns page] dung.... Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans ... and pants to match. The monkey clown horrible karate round and yummy like cute small baby chick would beat the donkey.'"

Some funny moments that stick out for me:

"Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly K - E - L - L - Y... why? Because you're Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly..."


Doing the Carlton.


The bully knocking over Stevie at the end of the series premiere of Malcolm in the Middle.


Love that you included Cliff's Jeopardy blunder... that became the line in my family whenever we didn't know the answer to something. Classic.

In the same vein, Joey on the $25000 Pyramid was pretty funny too... "A ghost..."

Dick Van Dyke show, sleepwalking brother (or was it brother-in-law?) episode with Jerry Van Dyke. one of the funniest sitcom eps I've ever seen, made me laugh about as hard as I can ever remember laughing watching TV other than Leno Headlines.

For me, the funniest "Taxi" bit wasn't on "Taxi." It was an SNL skit with Danny DeVito reprising Louie, distraught in a cab, pushing a plunger and dynamiting the ABC headquarters, then doing his "gotcha" move (pumped fist, kick the air).

It's the first thing that pops in my head whenever "Taxi" comes up.

"Cool Whip. It binds the tuna."

'He's a transponster!'

'That's not even a word!'

Older sitcoms:

1a. "I'll carry on, carry forward, cash and carry, Cary Grant, carry me back to Virginia, but I will not carry a gun"


1b"See, I can go in.

2. "You spell it like it sounds.

animated - penis related:

1/ "Take your genitalia,
right back to Australia"

2/ Hummana Hummana Howwa
Either you're babbling, or you just told me in Cherokee that my scrotum was many colored

animated - non-penis related

1/ I'd dream I fell & hurt my head my head on a fishbowl, hurt myself just bad enough to work graveyard shift at a convience store. A group of Hari Krishnas always came in at 4am and
bought 16 gallons of Mr. Slushi and a package of banana flavored Ding Dongs, then the Swedish Bikini Team jumped out
of a magazine and read Moby Dick to me inside a giant carton of cottage cheese.

Why? I'd ask myself, what could it mean? Am I mad or is the world just a mystery to complex to understand?

Here's one that might be a little appropriate for this month:

'Darth Vader can't be Luke Skywalker's father. They don't even have the same last name!'


Last night's Double Jeopardy categories were (I swear):

Civil Servants
Stamps of the World
Mothers and Sons
Bar Trivia

That George monologue was indeed the all-time Seinfeld highlight.

Then there's my favorite Friends moment: "Hombre"

Also, the first season of The Cosby Show had some great stuff - I think the best was the one where, if I remember right, Rudy and her friend Peter put PB&J in the blender. Probably the best remembered one is Cliff telling Theo, "I am your father. I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out!"

one of my favorite scenes is from a little known (hell, I'm probably the only fan) show on UPN for just over a year, called "Off Centre," about two roommates (one of which has a girlfriend):

Girlfriend in room by herself. She raises up a cheek. farts Ewan walks in.

Ewan: augh! What's that smell?
Girl: Oh, Mike (other roommate) farted.
Ewan: sniffs No... it's not "his brand"...

Chuckles: Mary Tyler Moore
The sea...: Seinfeld
Flying Turkeys: WKRP in Cincinatti
Yellow Light: Taxi
Graphite: The Odd Couple "Aristophanes!!!!"
Who are 3 people..?: Cheers
Warp Speed...: I'm ashamed to say I don't know


I rarely watched Rosanne, but my much_better_half always did.

There was a scene where her father died. Rosanne and her sister divied up who would call which member of the family to deliver the news. Her sister got one of the aunts. who apparently is a little deaf:

Aunt Lois, hi its {I forget her name}. Yes. I have some bad news. Dad is dead. No, he's dead. He's passed away. He's gone. No no, I said he's gone. He's DEAD. DAD IS DEAD. HE'S DEAD! NO, DAD! DAD IS DEAD!! HE'S DEAD!!!!

This went on for about 30 more seconds, to which she ended it with "Dad sends his regards!!"

Slamming down the phone she screams at Rosanne: "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THAT AGAIN!!"

Other than that moment, also worth noting: almost any skit on the Carol Burnette show, in particular when the cast ad libbed.

"Escargot - that's Spanish for how fast is your Buick?!"

Other fine moments...

Barney Miller -- almost anything with Steve Landesman, but especially the episode where the guy who claimed to be from the future discovers that he is in the presence of the (future) great Arthur Dietrich.

And ffrom across the pond,

Blackadder -- "Oh, it's a scythe."

I only watched one Roseanne episode, but it was the one where she says to Martin Mull, "You couldn't be any gayer if your name was Gay Gayerson."