Still a long way to 500, but getting there
[Three songs for the price of one]
84. Green Day - Hitchin’ a Ride
Can I just say how incredibly sick I am of Green Day? I loved American Idiot as much as the next fan - and I've been a fan since Kerplunk but they have become ubiquitous and they're starting to irritate me, like a scratcy tag on a t-shirt.
However, this does not keep me from enjoying some of the older stuff. Though Dookie holds a special place in my heart, mostly thanks to a warm summer day in 1994 when my daughter, all of four years old, threw a tantrum at the outdoor flea market and insisted she wouldn't leave until I bought her the Dookie cassette and I spent the next six weeks or so listening to her sing When I Come Around- it's Hitchin' a Ride from Nimrod (an otherwise mediocre album) that gets Green Day on my list of 500. It's fun to sing a song about alcoholism, especially when you get to sing lines like Cold turkey's getting stale/tonight I'm eating crow/Fermented salmonella poison oak no, and I'm always a sucker for a 1-2-3-4 count in a song. Sure, Billy Joe sounds like he has a perpetual sinus infection, but on Hitchin' A Ride, you can almost imagine that the nasal affectation is born of inebriation. Come on, lift your bottle and sing along!
59. Dead Milkmen - Watching Scotty Die
1987. I was 25. 25! You would think I'd have matured by then. You'd be wrong.
I had gone to Uncle Phil's record store with my sister to buy Big Lizard in My Backyard. (There really was an Uncle Phil. He was fat and dirty and reminded me a bit of Lou Albano, but he was very nice and we really did walk into the store and greet him with "Hey, Uncle Phil!") Anyhow, that day I not only grabbed Big Lizard, but decided to pick up Bucky Fellini while I was there.
Sister and I get home, give the album a listen and come across Watching Scotty Die. Which, of course, is a parody of Watching Scotty Grow.
There is the field
Where Scotty used to play
Until Ortho Orange Number 42
Was dumped in it one day
We decided to do something we hadn't done in ages. Not since the days of Billy Don't Be a Hero and Run, Joey, Run had we acted out a song. Especially for an audience. But Lisa and I - 25 and 18 years old respectively, could not resist. And so, we put on some surreal pantomime to Watching Scotty Die. And performed it for our parents.
One day my dog went out to play
Instead of grey he came back coloured yellow
The chemical men said stay mellow
It happens all the time
Now Scotty's skin is lime
I'm sure the lock on the liquor cabinet appeared shortly after that incident.
512: Static X - Love Dump
Even if I didn't love Static X and even if I didn't think Wisconsin Death Trip is a bombardment of energy from start to finish, I would still have Love Dump on my list because it is my earnest belief that everyone, at least once in their lives, needs to loudly sing the lyrics your shit's like chocolate cake, your ass smells like a rose.