Sometimes I..... [Updated]
Sometimes when a really annoying person is talking to me, I tune them out and chant "Ratamahatta" over and over again in my head until they are done.
Sometimes, when I am driving through an underground parking garage, I duck my head.
Sometimes I imagine I work in a jigsaw puzzle factory, and I throw away one piece from each puzzle just to fuck with people.
Sometimes, if I have to speak in front of a group of people, instead of imagining them in their underwear like most people do to keep from being nervous, I imagine that they are all dead.
Sometimes, when someone says that Magnolia is the best movie they ever saw, I want to kick them in their shins.
Sometimes, when we are looking for something different to do, I will take all the couch cushions and throw them on the living room floor, put on some old Sepultura and let the kids practice their stage diving.
Sometimes Belle and Sebastian will come on the iPod right after Rammstein and I feel like I want to kick my own ass.
Sometimes I wish life was a musical and that music would come out of nowhere and we would all break into songs that we know all the words to and dance in total synchronization. In an Oklahoma! sort of way, not a Cop Rock sort of way.
Sometimes I find myself watching a movie I profess to hate.
Sometimes I fall asleep with the remote in my hand, and I change the channels in my sleep and dream that I am on C-Span.
Sometimes I take the covers off the Sharpies just to sniff them.
Sometimes I think if I try hard enough, I really could make The Force work.
Sometimes I get really annoyed if people don't say "God bless you" after I sneeze, even though I'm atheist.
Sometimes I take a different way home, that's one straight road, even though there's more traffic and it takes more time simply because I'm feeling too lazy to make any turns.
Sometimes I let loose with a string of profanities for no other reason than to make people recoil in horror.
Sometimes I think my time and resources could be better spent.
Sometimes, when watching Seinfeld, I have to turn the channel when George is about to do something really stupid.
Sometimes I think I'm being watched n a giant tv screen by strange people in a mysterious, underground building.
Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much.