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jokes about jokes..

Are sometimes funnier than the jokes themselves.

From Something Awful, jokes with realistic endings.

  • How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    If you call up Steven Murphy Electrical Contractors on (08) 9284 7281 they can send over a qualified electrician to screw it in for you between 9-6 on any working day, guaranteed to arrive within an hour of your call or you get 50% off!
  • What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
    A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
  • What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
    A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.
  • Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?
    No.
    Well, it's really nice.
  • How do hedghogs have sex?
    Like all other mammals, the make inserts his penis into the female's vagina and moves vigorously in and out until the friction causes him to ejaculate.

Lots more here.

I don't know why I found these so funny that I literally had tears in my eyes from laughing. I think the point was supposed to be that they're not funny. Anyone besides me laugh?

I bet you can make up a few of your own.

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» Of popes and non-jokes from Ramble Strip
I'll combine the two topics and say: You can pick a pope, and you can pick your nose, but you shouldn't because you may transfer organisms to inanimate surfaces which may then be picked up by someone else, and this could be particularly problematic ... [Read More]

Comments

A woman's car breaks down on a lonely country road, late at night. She goes to the only house in sight, where a simple old farmer answers the door.

"Well, you can stay the night, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons, it's the only place there's room for you." She agrees.

The woman sleeps in between the two naive, innocent country youths. Halfway through the night, she wakes one of them up and whispers: "You can have sex with me, but you have to wear one of these things or I'll get pregnant." He does so, and they have sex.

An hour later, she wakes up the other young man and says the same thing: "You can have sex with me, but you have to wear one of these things or I'll get pregnant." He does, and they have sex.

The next morning the woman calls a tow truck and leaves.

A month later, the two country boys were out hoeing the field. One says to the other: "I wore that thing when I had sex with that woman, and removed it immediately after we completed intercourse. I suppose she didn't get pregnant."

I laughed my ass off reading those. I think it's the setup that makes it so funny. Well, obviously it's the setup that makes what should be an unfunny joke funny. But, if I could figure out what it is about that that makes it so funny, I'd bottle and sell it.

I found some of these to be funny in the same way.

An young, busty lady with a dog named "Titswiggle" walked into a store looking for a ball. She found an enormous crate full of balls of all sizes. Wanting to handle and squeeze them, she found a young male store clerk. She said: "Would you please watch my dog while I examine this merchandise?"

Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducked. Then he took his friends to the emergency room because the bruises on their foreheads looked pretty nasty. The hospital kept them overnight for observation because of the potential for a concussion.

Later, they filed a claim with their medical insurance provider.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A Stick.

It still makes me laugh....

The smoke is white, the bells are ringing.
They've picked a pope!!

DILLIGAF, dude.

The smoke is white, the bells are ringing. They've picked a pope!!

Yes, but is he Catholic?

How many Derek Jeters does it take to save the life of a child by reaching out his hand and preventing said child from walking into the path of an oncoming car?

One.

That was A-Rod.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A: One's a porcupine. The other one's a BMW.

Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his privates.

One guy says, "I wish I could do that."

The other guy is kind of creeped out by this, and there's a brief, uncomfortable silence as he tries to think of a way to change the subject. Finally he says, "So, did you see the new episode of 'The Simpsons' last night?"

Two brothers are upstairs in their bedroom getting ready for breakfast.

"You know what?" says one, "I think it's about time we start swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say damn and you say ass."

The other brother agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the brothers what they want for breakfast.

"Give me some damn Cheerios."

WHACK! The boy runs upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the other boy and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"Frosted Flakes"

Q: What does a dog get when he multiplies 88 times 7?

A: The wrong answer.

What happens during a Japanese erection?

The penis fills with blood and grows in size, becoming hard in the process.

Man goes into the doctor, says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." Doctor says, "I think you have a rotator cuff injury."

How do they know the Challenger crew had dandruff? From the NASA medical records.

Did you hear the one about the traveling salesman?
No.
Darn, I heard it was really funny.

Q: What does the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
A: Very little.

President Clinton and President G.W. Bush were sitting on a plane together, raising funds for tsunami relief.

"Have you seen my glasses?" asked Clinton.

"No, I haven't," replied Bush.

I cannot stop laughing. Here's one of my favorite non-jokes, and it's one of the ways that current BF reeled me in:

Him: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Me: Are you a tree?
Him: No.