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Survey says, Part II: For the Ladies

Relax ladies, stop emailing me for fair time! Here it is.

Counterpart to the post below.

Today's survey says: Name something men NEVER say.


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» never heard that one from Hey Freak!
The subject is:

Things you'd never hear men/women say.

You, go. You go now. [Read More]


"Let's invite your parents over to watch the Super Bowl. I can't think of anyone I'd rather watch the game with than your mom."

"Sure, honey, I'd LOVE to clean the toilet for you! And take out the trash without you having to ask me a hundred times!"

"I'd really just like to cuddle tonight."

(Okay, so they might actually say that, but they've got an ulterior motive if they do...)

"Do I look fat in this?"

"I'm pretty sure I know where I'm going, but just to make sure why don't I pull over at this gas station and ask directions."

'these jeans really could use a wash'

I feel crampy.
My tits hurt.
Why didn't you put gas in my car?

"Mom, do you ever feel "not so fresh."

Oooo - Theres a What not to Wear, Trading Spaces marathon on TLC!

Is this light fuchia or dark Fuchia?

"It's Dark Fuchia."

"Honey, theres a big sale at Nordstom's. You can take my truck, if you want."

"All you ever do is play video games, why wont you TALK to me."

Oh wait... He does say that, nvm.

All that yelling, nagging and screaming for the last three days was a really great debating tactic.

I love you, ya' chubby little gorgon!

"I love you, ya' chubby little gorgon!"

-John Wayne Bobbitt

Can you hand me the society section of the newspaper?

"I'd really like just to cuddle tonight."

That statement is wrong, men say that all the time. Or maybe it's just me.

I have baby fever.

"Oh, boy! Steel Magnolias is on tonight!"

i wonder if Rob and Todd will read this... hee!

It's amazing how many of those I say...

(Love Steel Magnolias)

And the classic:

"I'm lost. Can you tell me how to get to X?"

"Can't we leave in a minute? I want to see the end of Trading Spaces."

I don't have enough shoes.

sorry about that, Keith... i was actually making fun of someone else. actually, scrolling thru the answers, there's quite a few that i say, too. seriously, a sale at Nordstrom? i'd be there.

shit, i can't think of anything a guy wouldn't watch. The L Word kinda comes to mind, but have you ever seen that show? it's "worse" than showtime porn - every 5 minutes, somebody's fucking.

"Hi Jan, I haven't seen you in a while. When are you due?"

"Yes, you do look fat in those jeans"

Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you try on all 20 of those things that have exactly the same design and whose colors are too subtle to differentiate?

Not being into hot vagitarian sex, I have no desire to watch The L Word. Not being into shallow whiney little bitches, I also have no desire to watch Queer as Folk.

I live for selected segments of Adult Swim. That and bear porn.

I have said about 80% of these things.

I am one weird man.

"You know I know that Angelina Jolie is really hot, but I really respect her, y'know, she really stands up for what she believes in."

(Angelina Jolie can be substituted for any other hot female's name)

Things a man would NEVER say (not sincerely, anyway):

"I never get tired of reading Barbara Cartland."

"Honey, I bought you the exact brand of tampons you wanted."

"I can CHANGE her!"

"I never bother to look at women with large breasts."

"Do we HAVE to go the hardware store again?"

"Now play nicely with your new model railroad, Timmy. I'm tired and I don't have time to help you with it."


"You know I know that Angelina Jolie is really hot, but I really respect her, y'know, she really stands up for what she believes in."

Actually, I've said almost that exact thing about Angelina Jolie. She's hot as hell and does good work with refugee programs.

Here's something men really never say:

"Would it kill you to put the toilet seat down?"

Mikey: Read. snicker

"No, don't shave! I was just complaining to Bob the other day that the hair on your legs isn't long enough."

Honey, I hung a new roll of toilet paper for you.

"Who just tracked dirt on my freshly scrubbed floor??"

"I can't go. I look fat today and my hair turned out stupid."

"Honey, where's last month's Vogue?"

"Barbara Streisand is my hero!" is something I would never say, especially anywhere close to Rachel.

No thanks, I've been getting too much oral lately.

"I noticed you were out of tampons this morning, so I picked up a box at the drugstore."

krm made me LOL. Oh my god that's funny!

Something else they never say:

"you were right, I was wrong"

"Hey, can I borrow some of your underwear to sleep in?"

honey, do you have a douche? I don't feel fresh today.

I need more shoes