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survey says: I just love when you have your friends over for poker night!

Honestly, I just don't have time for original content right now. I am swamped at work, my head hurts and my brain feels fuzzy and pollen filled right now.

I thank Roger and JP at WBAB-FM for coming up with audience participation surveys that I can steal for days like this.

Today's survey says: Name something women NEVER say. (Don't worry, males will get equal time later). Example from radio show: Oh, I don't need foreplay honey, I'm just all about pleasing you.

(I'll send the results to Roger and JP later, just so I feel less guilty about ripping them off)


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» never heard that one from Hey Freak!
The subject is:

Things you'd never hear men/women say.

You, go. You go now. [Read More]


"Your right honey, we don't need to ask for directions I'm sure you know how to get there."

Hey, you gotta smell THIS!

"No,seriously,I love the Three Stooges"

"Of course we need a 52-inch big screen. How else will you watch the game?"

"Huh. You call that a fart?"

"Sweetie, of course you can plan the whole wedding yourself. I'll love anything you choose!"

(following up JAB)

"On second thought, why do we have to have an elaborate ceremony at all? Why don't we just have a barbecue?"

"Take as long as you like - I'll make you dinner as soon as you're done."

"I need to gain weight."

"Do you want me to get you some dollar bills for the strip club? Or do you want some 5's and 10's for the nudie bar?"

"My balls itch."

You're right

"Pull my finger"

"Dude, step off my dick!"

"Would you hand me that clutch spring compressor. I've got to take the tranny out of this Norton and replace the output shaft bearing."

"Harvard says sex is good for headaches."

Of course you can buy the Baby Bose.

Clutch spring compressor! Hah!

How about "I gotta get rid of all these shoes."

"You know what would be totally awesome? A threesome with that single girl who just moved in next door, you know, the one with the big rack. M'kay? Great - I'll set the whole thing up - just leave it to me, sweetie (giggle)!"

Well to me they never say, "Sure, I'd love to go out with you."


"You know, this time when I say I want to meet a nice guy, I really mean it. I'm not just whining because the good looking asshole I'm dating right now is treating me like shit just like all the other good looking assholes I always date do."

"I'm wrong. You must be right."

"I like those holes in your underwear. Don't throw them out!"

"Stay out as long as you'd like to."

"Can you hand me the business section?"

"Honey, I think that singing fish you got needs to be hung next to my mother's picture."

"Gee you're right honey, men ARE smarter than women."

"I am ready to go right now."

Despite what I've said all these years, you really aren't an idiot.

"Oh, boy! The new Ron Jeremy movie is out on DVD!"

"I hate my mother, too."

"Hey, you gotta smell THIS!"

Sadly, my wife says this all the time, generally while stuffing some cheese based concoction or some soiled children's laundry or a rather bemused cat under my nose.

The problem is that a lot of those things that girls aren't supposed to say, my girlfriend has said, including:

"you gotta smell this"
"I'm ready to go right now"
"damn women drivers..."
"stay out as long as you'd like to"

my first comment and well, I'm a little embarassed (not because it's anything I've ever said. no no, absolutely not) but, well...here goes:

"honey, could you grab the new squirter porno from my collection. Let's watch that one next!"

I have to second Marc that the line women never say to me is 'Sure. Let's go out some time.'

But I'll have to steal George Carlin's thing women (and men as well) never say: "As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off."

I really need to get out there and rotate my tires.

I think "What they really mean" would cover a lot.

"You know what would be totally awesome? A threesome with that single girl who just moved in next door."

Bzzzzt! I've heard it from me own wife.

"Y'know... I just haven't been giving you enough head recently. I'm sorry."

I second dorkafork

"I love the taste!"