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mailbag

I just got an email that read, in its entirety:

When did you become such an asshole?

Honey, I've always been an asshole. Some days, I'm just better at it than others.

And that's today's mailbag.

Hey, why don't you welcome my new advertiser, Pamela Anderson's nipples?

Comments

First they came for the women's nipples -- but I was not a woman, so I did nothing. Then they came for those lower back tattoos, but I didn't have one, so I did nothing. Then they went after droopy drawers --and I did nothing because my own pants were adequately cinched. At last they came for my overly snug terrycloth shorts -- and there was no one left to do anything about it.

my overly snug terrycloth shorts

Hubris, you harlot.

speaking of assholes, did you hear britney spears is pregnant and is going to be getting fat?

Nobody ever called Pablo Picasso an asshole.

Are you saying I'm not a good painter?

Because I'm not.

Was he driving in his Eldorado?

He's making a Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers reference, I think.

Reference.

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Well some people try to pick up girls
They get called assholes
This never happened to Pablo Picasso

The girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado

He could walk down your street
Girls could not resist his stare
So Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole
Not like you
Wow!

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

He could walk down your street
And girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole

Well the girls would turn the colour of a juicy avocado
When he would drive down their street in his El Dorado

Well he was only 5'3"
But girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole
Not in New York
Wow!

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his finger nails

Swinging on the back porch
Jumping off a big log
Pablo's feeling better now
Hanging by his picture nails

Pamela Anderson hasn't had any real nipples since at least 1992...

This may come as a shock to you Darth, but they actually manage to work around the nipples when they insert implants. And she had hers removed a while back, anyway.

FREE PAM'S NIPPLES!

NO NIPPLES, NO PEACE!

WHEN THEY OUTLAW NIPPLES, ONLY OUTLAWS WILL HAVE NIPPLES!

HEY HEY, HO HO, THE DUCT TAPE'S GOTTA GO!

I love it when you put "honey" and "asshole" in the same sentence, Michele.

CraigC:

No surprise to me...I still stand by my statement...:P

I guess the first 3 seasons of Friends wouldn't be allowed on TV before 10 p.m. now.

Friends had nipples in it?

"Why does no one tell me about these things!?!?!?!?!?"

OT: michele, WTF is going on with your computer's clock? This post says "6:06 PM."

"...they actually manage to work around the nipples when they insert implants. And she had hers removed a while back, anyway."

Pamela Anderson had her nipples removed???
Oh, the humanity!

Yes, and the Dusty Girl is dead.

Actually, I think I recall seeing a story to the effect that the Pamster had her super-size implants replaced with ones that are merely king-size...

do you think she reads all of those books or just needs them for back support?