teething [updated! more panic driven imminent death!]
I am in mortal pain. It's been creeping up on my for days. No, probably weeks. At first I thought it was a sinus infection. Then allergies. All the while, I knew in the back of my mind that it had something to do with my teeth and I kept pushing that thought away like a bastard stepchild.
My abject - if irrational - fear of dentistry has finally taken its toll on me. Never put off until tomorrow what can be filled/cleaned/pulled, etc. today, kids. I think I'm going to need oral surgery at this point, as my gum is so swollen that all the teeth on my right side hurt instead of just that the area by that one wisdom tooth.
I have gone through an economy size bottle of Excedrin Migraine (the cure-all miracle drug) in the past week. I'm sure if there's any such thing as acetaminophen overdose, I'm a candidate for it.
To make matters more interesting, my regular dentist has stopped taking my insurance. So now I have to go through the list of shady dentists in the area who actually take my insurance, call them all to see who is taking new patients, beg any one of them to take me in tomorrow and then pray that they are one of those dentists that do the "painless dentistry" thing and they don't model themselves after Steve Martin.
So if I'm extra cranky (even though today is opening day and I should be estatically happy), you know why. If I don't find a dentist to take me tomorrow, there's going to be carnage on Long Island. Someone has got to bear the brunt of my pain.
Self diagnosis is a terrible thing. In the space of a few hours, I've gone from abcessed tooth to raging infection to some debilitating disease that will surely cause my demise within hours. After Googlig some symptoms, I came up with the idea that I had a tooth infection that spread to my heart, lungs and maybe even my liver. Of course, I developed pnuemonia within minutes (this is somewhat based in part on the reality that I had about 10 sleep apnea episodes last night, which could very well be attributed to terrible sinus weather and not imminent death) and sat on the couch gasping for air and thinking about dialing 911. And then I did what I usually do in the throes of a panic attack - I picked up a book (this one in this case) and when I got about ten pages through without actually dying, I realized that I was probably breathing ok.
Still, the pain is not imaginary nor is the fact that the pain has moved its way past my mouth area and into my ears and on the right side of my neck. And there's not a dentist/doctor to be found on Sundays. Nor a psychiatrist, for that matter.
Just remember, if I should drop dead today, I don't want a funeral and I want lots of Nine Inch Nails played at my memorial service.
And no, you can't have my stuff.