« so you wanna be a tycoon? | Main | Dear Martin Scorcese [now with mp3 goodness] »

Why Hunter S. Thompson Should Be Shot Out Of My Hypothetical Cannon

Family looking for cannon to fire Thompson's remains skyward

Anyone wishing to provide the cannon is asked to write a 100-word essay and mail it to the Aspen Daily News, which will pass the entries on to Thompson's family. "Were talking 100 words, not 101. And snail mail only. No e-mails or phone calls," said Daily News associate editor Troy Hooper.

I hope they like poems. And hypothetical cannons.

My cannon is legendary in some circles
It is as coveted
as an original Boba Fett
(with the flaw)
still in the package
My cannon has been made smooth over the ages
With constant alcohol rubbings
Made of one part Jim Beam
and two parts Jagermeister
We once filled the entire thing
With several thousand dollars worth
of the finest Columbian Red
lit the fucker
and took turns submerging ourselves in it
wading through burning weed
inhaling deeply
and then Frank lit the cannon
shot me clear across the yard
I stopped, dropped and rolled
and then smoked my Levis


100 words.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Why Hunter S. Thompson Should Be Shot Out Of My Hypothetical Cannon:

» Hindsight from protein wisdom

Dammit, I knew I never should've given my cannon away to charity. But my wife was like, "it's not as if you're using it anyway, Jeff," and I was all, "yeah, but you never know when you're going to need a good canno...

[Read More]

» Re: He's Back from My Foot. Your Ass.
I found something better for Jeff "8 Inch" Gannon than starting up a shitty blog: The family of writer Hunter S. Thompson is looking for a cannon to blast his remains skyward, honoring a wish he often expressed. Read this chick's poem and try to con... [Read More]


There once was a man from Nantucket, with a...no, wait, that's not going to work, is it?? Damn it.... ;o)

So the pretentious bullshit doesn't even stop when he's dead, eh. Yay.

I'll take Thompson Brand Pretentiousness over the Academy Awards Brand any day.

I smoked my Levis once. Tasted like ass and I barely caught a buzz.

No. There are better ways to get off.

whaaaat? they wanna shoot his dead body out of a cannon? (I don't know the details of this; the link you gave now takes us to some kind of story about the Wisconsin quarter). SO I'm guessing it's his body and not ashes in a canister (which is still gross) so this may look really silly but:

Oh, ick. Just ick. Why don't they make him into a diamond, instead (the technology is there) and sell him on e-bay.

I really hope they choose the location for this carefully...after all, what goes up must come down.

It was Hunter's wish to be blown out of a cannon, I believe.

Here in Seattle, some schnook wanted his ashes scattered over Safeco Field a few years back. Somehow, through miscommunication or mishap, the whole box of ashes was dropped at once and landed on the field or in the stands or in the street outside and prompted an immediate chemical/biological agent scare.

I think it's wonderful. Who the hell wants to be buried in the ground? I'm going to be cremated but I haven't decided about my ashes yet.

I just saw a movie called 'eulogy' the other night where the patriach of the family wanted his body set afloat on the water in flames, it didn't go down quite like that but what did happen was hilarious, i won't ruin it for anyone.

I think there is a big difference between being eccentric and being pretentious. Some of the most eccentric people I know don't have a pretentious bone in their bodies. Pretentious people that I come across are usually boring academics, film and music snobs, that are full of ideas and no action. Hunter Thompson was none of those things.

my submission:
I own a cannon. A cannon I bought because, long ago, I read Hunter S. Thompson's work. His prose, his passion, the way the Doctor bled onto the page made me want to own a cannon, a mother-fucking cannon from which to take aim at our society.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. Indeed.

But, the professionally weird need a cannon, res ipsa loquitor. I'd like to donate the use of mine as a final send off to a fallen colossus.

and eBay has nothing to do with my offer..


If I win I will have to go procure a cannon.

As an alternate approach, I may just duct tape a couple of tennis ball cans together, punch a whole at the end, buy some hairspray and show up with a lighter.

HST would have wanted me to be drunk on Bass Ale and high on amyl nitrate while performing the task. It'd be sacriligious to not be.

I think it's wonderful. Who the hell wants to be buried in the ground? I'm going to be cremated but I haven't decided about my ashes yet.

When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes thrown in Michael Moore's face. A couple of my friends have volunteered to do this.

Of course, we were drunk when they offered so I don't know how binding the agreement is. ;-)

my submission...
I don't have a cannon, but give me Hunter's ashes, and a bottle of ipecac and I'll give Hunter the sendoff he deserves. In technicolor, no less.

When the weirdness gets going, the pros turn...I dunno...tricks? Just gimme the fucking ashes already.

Think they'll like it?