« RIP, Optimus Prime | Main | Saturday Morning Quickies »

THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!

Ohmydearlordjesusonapogostick, somebody get me a fork to stick in my eyes. Or sulphuric acid. And something for my brain, the part where visual memories get seared - maybe a long knitting needle to stick in my ear far enough to puncture my brain.

Ok, it's my own fault. I knew I shouldn't have clicked. I knew it. But someone sent me the link and I don't know what came over me. I mean, Fred Durst. Having sex. Why the FUCK would I click that? I deserve this.

No matter what I do I will never, ever be able to unsee what I saw. For the rest of my entire life, I will have that vision of Fred Durst doing unspeakable things to some bimbo in my head. Oh, I won't always think about it - but at some inopportune time - like at a relative's funeral or in the middle of a job performance review - the memory will seep out of its hidey place in my brain and BAM, Fred's wang and the [shudder] places he stuck it will just flood into my head and I'll go into immediate convulsions as my body tries to stop my mind from making me go insane with the horror.

PLEASE MAKE ME UNSEE THIS!

I'm going to take long, long, steaming hot shower where I will scrub myself with pumice stones and use 18 bars of soap and then I'm going to stick needles in my eyes.

No matter what, don't do it. If anyone sends you that link, DO NOT CLICK.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!:

» He did it all for the Nookie from Wizbang
The T-Mobile Terrorist strikes again? This morning the internets were atwitter with news that Limp Bizkit lead singer Fred Durst's T-Mobile Sidekick was hacked and that a homemade porn video of Durst and his model girlfriend Masha Novoselova was making... [Read More]

Comments

I could show you websites that would shake the Durst image from your noggin...but I don't feel like getting banned and hunted down like a wild monkey.

Darth, I've seen it all. Tub Girl, Goatse, every kind of sex with every kind of object, living or otherwise, imaginable. But nothing will ever top the ICK factor of seeing Fred Durst in the throes of orgasmic butt fucking.

So I take it this was not an effective mood-setter for you.

I suppose I shouldn't send you the link to the Fat Joe & Donatella Versace video.

Okay, the video can't be good on a device like that. Having said that, was this clown actually filming his one-eyed spitting cobra??!!

What? You're not going to post the link?

Seriously, I wanna see. I just had an excellent Mexican dinner that I wouldn't mind tasting again.

This is like a "What's grosser than gross?" contest, with the opening grossness being Durst fucking some bimbo in the ass. What's grosser?

I dunno, Durst taking it in the ass from the same girl and a strap on? Chocolate Starfish, indeed.

Honestly, I think the grossest thing ever would be to see Celine Dion fucking her 2,000 year old Husband. Shit, Celine Dion fucking anybody would be pretty gross.

I'm not typing 'em all out, but I'm starting to gross myself out with what I'm thinking.

Ha, I saw that earlier and actually thought of you, michele!! Some scary ass stuff.

for some reason I just kept hearing the word "Flounder" in my mind.

I'm taking your advice. If nominated, I will not click. If asked, I will not view.

How can it be THAT bad? Can't you throw out a few adjectives (or would adverbs be more appropriate?)

Just imagine Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles...a nice way to make my skin crawl.

No, no, don't thank me.

Mary Matlin and James Carville. Bet there was some angry sex in that house around Nov. 3, 2004.

My eyes are burning just from reading about it.

Why, Michele? Why did you click?

You absolutely CANNOT have a post like this without including a link. It's inhumanely cruel. I'm sure there's something about it in the Geneva Conventions. So please post the link! You've piqued our curiousity way too much to leave us hanging.

Link tease.

I will not post the link.

Try Gawker.

Ugh...now that I've had time to think about that...I feel dirty. I need to go to confessional...

I don't know how, but this is on-topic because it made me think of this. Does anyone on here have "A Society of People Named Elihu" by Atom and His Package? I bought it from Atom, and the package, at a show in Detroit years ago but have annoyingly lost the CD. The Fred Durst comment made me nostalgic for the late 90's, and I just spent an hour searching for the Atom CD/screaming at the empty "Society" case. I would kill for this on MP3.

More on-topic, I bet Fred Durst's body looks like a potato. Does it look like a potato? I'm not going to check myself, but I'd like to know.

I'll stick with your advice and avoid the images of Durst-sex.

Uh,,,who the hell is this Fred Durst person? And why would I want to see him having sex. Up the butt. Of someone else I don't know.

Watched it. Not so much icky as hilarious.

Got it off Limewire, which is far more reliable than the web stuff.

And I rather like hairy pot bellies. Nevertheless, he's an idiot. "For the Nookie" indeed.

did it durst your bubble?

Spanktastik!!!

Would it have been any easier if his bizkit had been limp?

It was his "O" face that gave it the ICk factor.

"Vhat do you mean, 'real acid'?"

Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Straight people are so PERVERTED!

Ol' Fred's getting quite a gut on him. Hasn't anyone told him that lead singers have to live on speed and vodka to get that proper jutting-hipbones look.

Oh, I forgot, he's not a singer! He's not a rapper! He's FRED DURST!

Silly me.