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A Very Special Holiday:
a fellatio haiku contest

I would like to remind everyone that a big holiday is coming up.

Steak and BJ day is less than a month away.

Last year, I tried to turn S&BJD into a business by recruiting women (or men, as the case may be) to, well..here:

1-800-SEND-BJS!

What a great present that would be. Birthday? Promotion? Your team won the World Series? Imagine how much better those already joyous occassions would be if a busty young blonde knocked on your door and dropped to her knees right there. The girls (or guys, whichever your case may be) could also sing you a little song.

Congratulations on your special day
Your brother sent you this BJ!

And now, with Steak&Blowjob Day on its way to becoming a national phenomenon, 1-800-SEND-BJS could come to the rescue of significant others who are just too busy or have weak gag reflexes.

You cook the steak, the BJ staff will do the rest. I’m a business genius.

I didn't have many takers. Oh, I had plenty of eager receivers. But not too many people wanted to be hired to do the job. Shame, too, because we could have made a lot of money and instead of bitching and moaning about not being able to pay the rent this month, you could have been sitting around watching your giant plasma HDTV and doing mouth exercises in preparation for the holiday rush and another bundle of cash.

So this year I'm going to try again to cash in on the holiday. This time, I'm coming up with a line of greeting cards:

See that blank space on the card? That's where you come in.

I need to fill that space with sentimental greetings appropriate for one celebrating Steak and BJ Day. I thought that because this is sort of a crude holiday, we could soften it up a bit for the guys who might want to send this card as a reminder to their loved ones/booty calls/hos. Haiku about meat and, well, meat would make the sentiment seem much more appealing than it actually is to some people.

Remember, a haiku is 5-7-5 syllables. All other forms of poetry will be disqualified. There's no prize, but if you print out one of the restulting cards, maybe you'll get lucky. And girls, don't feel left out. There's always the Cunninlingus Fairy.

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a fellatio haiku contest
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» Lets see Hallmark try to cash in on this one from Leaning Towards the Dark Side
Via Michele, Don't forget, March 14th is Steak and BJ Day! This could easily become my favorite holiday.... [Read More]

» This is disturbing from The Ebb & Flow Institute
This is disturbing, (its probably even more disturbing that I bothered to bring it up). The Institute has been one-upped. We were not the ones to create the Steak and BJ holiday, nor were we the ones to commemorate it with a [Read More]

» Daily linklets from Simon World
This is a daily collection of links, some with commentary, to news stories and interesting blog posts. It will be updated throughout the day with a new timestamp for the updates. Scroll down for today's other posts. * Combine reality TV with blogging a... [Read More]

» Friday Breakfast Special: from basil's blog
Try one of these specials with your breakfast. House Specials Eyes On The Ball News reports the GOP is mean. Diane fulfills her role as an World Wide Web Electronic Journal Wordsmith and Subject Analyst. The Nose On Your Face [Read More]

» Mark Your Calendars from Silflay Hraka
Thanks to ASmallVictory for the link and reminder. March 14th is man's answer to Valentine's Day.... [Read More]

» Fellatio Haiku Contest from BrothaLove RantSpace
Okay, do NOT ask me how i came across this little gem. Suffice it to say i was suitably intrigued by the contest set up in celebration of Steak & Blow Job Day. [Read More]

» She'll Learn from triticale - the wheat / rye guy
"She is a good kid that has made a couple of mistakes," but she only delived half the package.... [Read More]

Comments

The bib graphic is sick. Awesome.

Maybe it would help if receivers see that any future theft charges against them wouldn't hold up in court.

So do we hopeless fellows who can't even get service from a crackwhore get "Ramen and Rib Removal Day"?

It's how steak is done,
No tenderizer for me,
Just a little sauce.

/got nuthin'
//don't really agree with the holiday
///Hate the last ten minutes of my day

Been years since I've tried a Haiku but here goes:

You've been good today
The sauce I'll swallow is rare
Like the grilled rib-eye

savoring mouth meat
mine rare with your special sauce
yours drowned in A-1

Just remember dear
This remains allowable
Approved by Atkins

Don't forget, traditional Haiku revolves around a nature theme:

it's a warm spring night
hoping you'll swallow my load
after you cook steak

Just for you, my dear
kneepads on, pouty lips mine
sputter sputter, gulp

(sniff sniff, obviously a love poem)

Ok, here's a card for the ladies to give their special beaus when offering ...

A steak, gently grilled,
Tastes even better when I
wash it down with you

for ee cummings

in just spring when steak
and BJ day rolls round don't
laugh at his last name

Here's your steak dinner
Enjoy while I cover you
In whipped cream dessert

ha, never did a haiku. How about coupons and gift certificates?

You bring the meat and
Fresh lettuce from the garden.
I'll make my own ranch.

---------------------
Laughter is stifled
As I try hard not to make
A "T Bone" punchline.

These are awesome!

You serve me a steak
Then my bones marrow you swallow
My day is complete

On cold winter nights
warm blanket covers my lap
she bobs underneath

Hmm,

red roses for you,
like the inside of my steak,
suck on my wiener?

------------------

snuffle my tube steak
as the robin takes the worm,
fillets for two, after.

-------------------

pink petals caress,
the one-eyed soldier charges
swallow, then we eat.

I eat my steak rare
she swallows me rarer still
uncooked, hot jism

Tender and juicy
Need a little excitement?
Your Jim isn't Slim

I missed out on this last year?
I guess its better to copulate than never.

Man, the competition is STIFF.

warm sensations
titillate my throbbing loins
you smell something burn?
____________________________________

I did not have sex
with that girl, Ms. Lewinsky
we just had some food
____________________________________

hey, don't spit that out
it cost twenty bucks per pound
for the enlargement

she's not my girlfriend
she just loves the cock and balls
...wonder if she rims...

It's a special day
do you like your t-bone rare?
heh heh, I said bone.

I like it so raw
that I can fully taste the
tender pink inside

oral and cooked meats
protein comes in many forms
give head and steak now

An anti-Steak and BJ Day haiku? Or just disappointment?

overcook my steak
though you know i like it rare
sigh and now you spit

Both go in mouth
Teeth for one
But not the other

Love is in the air
Spring (and my dick) comes again
Say you will swallow

Steak and a BJ
Make them however you like
But both should sizzle

My steak was awesome
Please let me go brush my teeth
And then I'll brush yours

A day for some steak,
More meat makes you beautiful!
A shot in the dark.

the t-bone goes down
desperate housewives over
now you go down too

I know this will come back to haunt me! :)

Eyes closed leaning back
Scent of steak and summer grass
Warm mouth, great pleasure

Been married too long,
cooked my own steak, burned it bad,
called escort service

lol, prairei biker has inspired me...

cooking for one now
My penis, my hand, warm lotion
Steak and beer time, bitch.

---------------------------

We argue again.
emotions flare, steak charred black.
Thank God she swallows.

Presenting my second haiku ever. The first being entered in a Kiss Haiku contest!

Throbbing or charred dear
How do you prefer your meat
Tonight you get both

you should eat my steak
already spiced and seasoned
just dont masticate

Done and now hungry?
Dentures are so versatile
put them back in now.

Certified prime beef
sizzling hot, firm, and juicy
Plus we have steaks, too.

She said let's snowball
Desperate, I acquiesced
A1 would have helped

Cook me a steak, take
My piping-hot man-chowder
Now that's amoré!

The menu is set:
Steak for me, Tube Steak for you
you can have seconds.

What does a girl wear
When she "marinates" the meat?
Some tong underwear.

Vegetarians
Miss out on steak, not BJs.
They still moan, "Awwww juuuuuuus."

"Steak and BJ Day"
Bill Murray's 'Other' Movie
is now on the web

(late entry, sorry Haiku is not my forte)

Easy to decide
Sixty-nine pleases us both
who will cook the steak

(another late entry...which sounds fun actually)

Don't bring me flowers
Please concentrate on the stem
Relax! There're no thorns...

ready, warm and pink
her inviting lips devour
the savory flesh

Shoot

(early form of premature Haiku)

Her bobbin' slobbin'
Feels so good on my knobbin
But it bumps my plate

You can have your meat
and eat it, my dear sweetheart
But only chew one

grease drips in the flame
my belly covers her face
tonsils and steak, glazed

from "FatMan Lovin': Sexy Songs of the Obese with Cheese"

Steaks on the grill
Steak in your mouth--move too fast
Premature haiku

---------------------------------

Your salmon fillet
My trout, we savor them both
To heck with the steaks

warm tongue a moist breeze
lips pull like the undertow
can you cook this well?