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new simpsons poll to make up for my apparent xenophobia

Some of you are very fierce in your Simpsons character loyalty. I had no idea this little poll would open the floodgate to trollish emails and death threats. Really.

Apparently, some people think I left certain characters off the poll because of prejudices:

How could you not have Charles Burns, or Smithers or Apu. What are you a anti-capitalist homophobic xenophobe?

I do think that the commenter - who goes by the name BM (insert Beavis giggle here) - meant Montgomery Burns, and not this guy.

apu.gif black2.gif burns22.gif jebidia.gif mayor_quimby.gif

Actually, the reason I didn't include all your favorites is because the poll only holds ten choices. But I don't want to go down in history as a xenphobic anti-whatever blogger who dissed major Simpsons characters, so I'm willing to make a new poll, putting your favorite characters up against yesterday's winner, Groundskeeper Willie. Think Battle of the Bands, but with cartoon people. And no music. No cover charge, either. But maybe there will be a wet t-shirt contest after the festivities, and girls drink free!

What was I saying? Oh yea - give me candidates for the new poll. I won't take repeats from yesterday - it's not fair to put Principal Skinner through that humiliating procedure again. There's a bunch of characters you all got your panties in a bunch about - Duff Man, Moe, Apu - and some of you complained about not having main characters in a poll so I'll accept them for this one as well. So what you have to do is nominate your character in the comments - but I'm going to need convincing. Give me a good quote, their best episode, any reason why you think that character is deserving of the "Best" title.

Update: In accordance with a suggestion from Hubris in the comments, Lenny and Carl can be included as a team.


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» I've been mocked by a xenophobe from BrainWacker Blog
Recently, I have only had time to post messages on other blogs. I posted anonomously to A Small Victory. He responded vindictively. [Read More]


Well, of course. It's just another example of the five-fingered white devil keeping down the four-fingered yellow folks trying to make a decent living. ;)


Ah-hah! (really need sound effects)

Can Lenny and Carl be included as a team?

Alien: I bring you love.
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away.
Carl: Break its legs!

sort of off topic-but this site has the best homer soundbites . . . .


My fave-Someone broke the toilet!

I admit the boyfriend was disapppointed there was no Edna to vote for, but death threats? People send death threats about this? It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Oh, for heaven's sake... you've just got to have Sideshow Bob! Inspired, classic episode combining looming homicide with Gilbert & Sullivan musical stylings!

Umm... I think he meant Charles Burns. C. Montgomery Burns - which I'm guessing is for Charles.

But who the hell calls him Charles besides someone trying to be all Simpsons elitist?

I nominate Artie Ziff, the nerd who went to the prom with Marge, got a little too romantic, and wound up becoming rich. Besides, you can't go wrong with a character voiced by Jon Lovitz.

through Homer's Snore Converter: He's a loser Marge, dump him! (sings to the tune of "Sweet Dreams Are Made of This") I travelled the world and the seven seas, I am watching you through a camera!

Without a doubt, Sideshow Bob.

Whoops..forgot the quote from that episode (Cape Feare)

Woman on Parole Board: What about that tatoo on your chest? Doesn't it say, 'Die Bart Die'?

SS Bob: No. It's German for 'The Bart, The'

Woman: Oh! No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

Cape Feare

Best. Sideshow Bob Episode. Ever.

Whatever you want to call him, C. Montgomery Burns has to be the best secondary character.

Burns: Oh and one more thing, you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey, it was in your glove compartment.
Burns: And the road maps and ice scrapers?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Burns: Excellent. It's all falling into place.

Burns (to nuclear inspector): ..and you can have the washer/dryer where the lovely Smithers is standing, or you can trade it all in for what's in this box.
Inspector #1: The box! The box!

Burns: Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?
Smithers: Ummm... remember we tried that, sir?
Mr. Burns: Oh right, he's dead... and rather pungent. The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget.

Joey Ramone: Go to hell, you old bastard!
Mr. Burns: Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smithers: But sir, those aren'tó
Mr. Burns: Do as I say!

Mr. Burns (with Homer's brain on his head): Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett.

Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

And the ne-plus-ultra Burns line:
Burns: Simpson, ey?

It's true, Mr. Burns is in a class of his own in terms of secondary characters.

I've watched a few episodes since Michele made her Simpsons-purge speech, and there has been some pretty funny stuff. I think part of the problem is that they have to make so many shows. Looney Tunes are my all-time favorite cartoons, but they didn't have to churn out one a week on a rigid schedule...

Release the hounds!


Granted, Lucy Lawless could look intimidating, but...

Oh, nevermind...

Lenny and Carl, Springfield's answer to Bert & Ernie.

Though I love the bizarro Lenny-worship that has been slipped inot the show the last few years

"Not Lenny!"

I'm shocked that skillzy has rung in today with this one:

In honor of the commissioning of the newest U.S. fast attack submarine; "He's history's greatest monster!"

I think Burns should win, hands down.

Homer: My name is Homer J. Simp...
[Homer gets hit on the head with a weight that says 1000 Grams]
Mr. Burns: Hm, sounded large when I ordered it. I don't think I should bother with these metric booby traps!
Burns: You mean there are actually people who will pay good money for garbage?
Lisa: Not good money, really. Each can'll get you a nickel.
Mr. Burns: Ooh, don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel... with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the polo grounds.
Lisa: [unimpressed] There's a can.
Burns: I could crush him like an ant, but it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant.
Lisa: It could be a mutant from the power plant.
Mr. Burns: That's preposterous, everyone knows our mutants have flippers - oops, I've said too much. Smithers, get the amnesia ray.
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Yes, and be sure to wipe your mind clear when you're done as well.

Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Er... no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.
Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!

For me it's a tossup between the Reverend Lovejoy ("Lord, why do you hate my trains?") and Professor Frink ("Oh, well to be honest, the ray only has evil applications. You know my wife will be happy, she's hated this whole death ray thing from day one.").

I can't believe "Comic book guy" didn't get a stronger showing in this forum :)

I nominate Lionel Hutz.

"Mr. Simpson, I don't like to use the word 'hero' much -- but YOU are the greatest hero in American history."

Another vote for Lenny & Carl.

(Rachel Jordan is singing in church.)

Lenny: She's talking about the Bible.
Carl: So? She's good-looking. Shut up.
Lenny: You shut up.

Count me in Burns's side. Here's a sample:

"Listen, Spielbergo. Schindler and I are like peas in a pod! We're both factory owners. We both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, damn it! Now, go out there and win me that festival."

Hans Moleman: A poem. By Hans Moleman. I think that I shall never see. My cataracts are blinding me.

Now that is fucking poetry right there.

In case anybody doesn't "get it" all my posts here have been a joke in the spirit of talking about the Simpsons. I really do not take it so seriously. Really.

I came across this blog somewhere that linked to it and referred to it as a blog of a "stay at home dad". So I thought I was kidding around with a guy.

I certainly do not know "where you live" it is a joke.

Monty Burns's first name is, in fact, Charles.

But what about Kang and Kodos?